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Posts by jocelyne001
Name: Hsuan
Joined: Aug 17, 2019
Last Post: Nov 27, 2019
Threads: 9
Posts: 21  
Likes: 13
From: Taiwan

Displayed posts: 30
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jocelyne001   
Nov 27, 2019
Writing Feedback / Ielts task 2 disadvantage of tourism and solution [2]

international tourism is harmful?



Many countries believe that international tourism has harmful effects, why do they think so? What can be done to change their views?

Nowadays, it is quite simple for people to travel to other countries. However, debates have yielded a spectrum of views. Some countries do not consider prosperous tourism industry as a positive development. In this essay, I am going to explain the reasons and provide some solutions for it.

First and foremost, the major rationale of denying the tourism for some specific countries is that it might interrupt the original lives of residents in local areas. Since controlling the qualities and numbers of foreigners is quite difficult, the entry of myriad travelers without having the essential respect towards the religion and customs could disgust local citizens. Also, the visit of travelers at some vulnerable environment like natural national park, as a consequence, could cause the tremendous catastrophe such as the destruction of other creatures's habitats.

Therefore, that's why some countries do not like too many outlanders come to their continents. However, I reckon that there are still some ways that can make them comprehend the advantage of welcoming foreign people. Firstly, analyzing the profit which travel industry can contribute to those countries' economy is one effective solution. If the governments realize how considerable amount of money they can earn from the travelers, they would agree to develop this industry. Moreover, governmental institutions can encourage residents to communicate with people from other countries, too. With this action, the society can become more open and dynamic. Last but not least, it is possible to persuade citizens that advertisements and relevant restrictions on the behavior of foreigners can predominantly diminish their negative influences.

In a nutshell, although for some reasons, some countries do not have positive reputation on tourism, some solutions can still be applied to change their belief.
jocelyne001   
Nov 27, 2019
Writing Feedback / Sports - playing in teams vs individually [3]

Hello~
I have some suggestions for your essay.

Firstly, I think the second sentence of the second paragraph can be deleted since it seems to make too many explanations for me. I think your point is good, maybe it's better to add another advantage, so the content of the second paragraph can be more abundant. Secondly, in your second counter statement of paragraph three, you mention the effectiveness of planning your own schedule by playing peculiar sports. However, not all peculiar sports are for single players, maybe it's better to be changed.

Hope my opinions are helpful~
jocelyne001   
Oct 3, 2019
Writing Feedback / Governments ought to allocate their budget to railways rather than roads [4]

Hello

I have some suggestions for you. Firstly, in the first argument of the second paragraph, you use two long sentences to explain the negative effect of traffic jam on the roads instead of focusing on the reason why railways can solve the issue. I think maybe it is better to add more details about it. Secondly, Railways system also provide safety ... this point is a little too much for me since you already have two points in a paragraph as well as you did not make further explanation for it. Therefore, I recommend you just demolish this sentence. Thirdly, maybe you can add more details or examples in the third paragraph. Although the idea is quite clear and easy to understand for readers, the paragraph is a little too short and lack of relevant descriptions about how the railway systems can be eco-friendly to the environment.

Hope my suggestions are helpful
jocelyne001   
Oct 1, 2019
Writing Feedback / Nowadays modern people can lead a much longer life. How this phenomenon can be judged? [2]

people living longer



In most parts of the world, people are living longer. Is this a negative or positive development? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, owing to the improvement of public hygiene and the evolution of medical technology, modern people can lead a much longer life. Beneficial as it may be, debates have yielded a spectrum of views. Some agree with the advantage of human's longevity whereas others believe there are more disadvantages. From my perspective, I believe the merits are more and relevant to the good quality of people's lives.

First and foremost, one of the benefits of living longer is that people currently can have more than twenty years to enjoy than ancestors in the past. That means, humans are more experienced than before, and not only can people revel in the additional lifetime, but also these experiences can become instructions passed to the offspring, reminding them not to induce the same issue in the world. For example, the elderly can tell the story about the severity of wars to the young generation, so they may probably think twice before triggering a new one.

Furthermore, if humans can live longer in a healthy condition, then workers can delay the age of retirement and continuously make large contributions in society. For inference, the genius scientists can keep conducting scientific researches in the laboratory. Therefore, the progression of technology in different domains would not be postponed because of the quit or death of intelligent and practised scholars.

All in all, with the above arguments, I consider that people with a longer life is quite advantageous in the public community, and it is a trend in which people can be pleased to accept.
jocelyne001   
Sep 23, 2019
Writing Feedback / Essay about education with the on-screen sources [2]

Hello

I have some suggestions for you. Firstly, it seems that the question and the content of your essay cannot be matched. What the question asks is whether should parents let children develop freely or set strict rules on them, mostly concerning with the impact of rules on their behaviours. However, your essay is mainly talking about the advantage of on-screen resources. For me, it is a little out of topic. Secondly, I think you can still improve the structure of your essay. In the second paragraph, the point is good, but there is no topic sentence in the beginning. For writing Ielts essay, maybe it is better to write some phrases to remind readers the statement like the major rationale for, the advantage of, so it would not take readers too much time to guess what you want to say and it is easier to follow your ideas. Also, I believe it is better to make your point of view more accessible, especially in the third paragraph, since some uses of adverbs at the beginning of sentences only make me feel more confused.

Despite the suggestions above, I reckon that you have a fairly wide range of vocabulary and are able to use a variety of sentences. Therefore, after revising some problems mentioned, I believe it would be a good essay.

Hope my suggestions are helpful for you.
jocelyne001   
Sep 17, 2019
Writing Feedback / We can study the behaviour of a three-year-old child to see whether he will grow up to be a criminal [2]

Hello

I think it's a fairly well-organised essay. Your statement is quite clear and easy to drag out with good use of conjunctions. Also, you are able to utilize a wide range of difficult vocabulary, as well as a variety of sentences. I only have a few suggestions for you.

Firstly, it is apparent that the question asks about the influence of nature on crimes, but you did not say anything relevant to it. Instead of straightforwardly explaining the impact from the environment, maybe it is better to describe a little about the extent that children commit a crime decided by genes or at least say that you do not agree with this statement at the beginning of the second paragraph.

Secondly, in the last paragraph, from Although it may seem to be challenging for some underdeveloped countries... to such a loving place. seems a little out of topic for me in this essay. I think this information is not necessary to be provided, concluding directly about the solution of preventing children from being criminals after growing up is better.

Hope my suggestions are helpful for you.
jocelyne001   
Sep 16, 2019
Writing Feedback / Is the space exploring just money and energy waste? [3]

Ielts Task 2 - space exploration



Some people think that space exploration is a waste of resources while others think that it is essential for mankind to continue to explore the universe in which we live.

Discuss both sides and give your opinion.


Nowadays, owing to the evolution of technology, exploring outer space has become a major scientific development. However, debates have yielded a spectrum of views. Some claim that conducting this kind of space adventure might waste lots of money and energy whereas others believe that the advantage is more and relevant. I am going to discuss both views below and give my opinion in the end.

First and foremost, the major rationale for those who disagree with the exploration of space is that this activity can cost a lot and restrain academic resources of other domains. For example, if a space trip needs to be triggered, a large amount of funding would be asked from the government which deliberately would use the tax from the public. Nevertheless, for some citizens, they consider the money be applied to deal with more serious social problems such as starvation and unemployment in the country. Furthermore, not only would people think that focusing on space adventure might waste their money, but also they would be concerned about the probable restriction of other technological areas. Instead of spending money on the unrealistic imagination of outer space, scientific research contributing to which can bring more immediate benefits to the public, such as tackling the issue of illness and environment, seems to be more urgent and practical.

On the other hand, from other people's perspective, travelling in the outer space and discover various clusters of planets are vital steps in the human world. More specifically, they see human's capability of venturing the space as an honour, exclusive from other animals. Also, they reckon that space exploration is quite pivotal and is one of the routines for escaping from deteriorating lands. Since the earth has become more and more inappropriate for humans to live, some researchers start to find if there's any possibility inhabiting in other planets.

To conclude, I believe institutions should find a balance between space trip and other research domains because it seems that this activity is effective but not the priority to human's life.
jocelyne001   
Sep 11, 2019
Writing Feedback / Does modern communication technology have negative effects on social relationships? [2]

Hello

Generally speaking, your essay is quite good. You are able to use a variety of sentences and vocabulary. I have only some suggestions for you.

Firstly, I think the first paragraph is too short, especially there is no connection between the first and second sentence when you talk about your statement. Maybe adding more relevant explanations between them, at least one sentence, would be better. It can not only help readers more easily to follow the idea of this essay, but also could add more words in it since it is apparent that words are not enough for Ielts writing task 2 ( at least 250 ).

Secondly, there are a few grammar mistakes like First Firstly, quality communications communications in good quality.

Hope my suggestions are helpful
jocelyne001   
Sep 9, 2019
Writing Feedback / Ielts task 2 - higher salary for medical personnel [3]

which professions need more appreciation?



Doctors and nurses make a great contribution to society and should be paid more than entertainment and sports celebrities

Do you agree or disagree?


Nowadays, with the evolution of media, it seems that idols and sports stars are paid largely more than those who contribute to society like health care workers and instructors. Many debates have been raised. Some believe that contributors should earn more than entertainers. I'm in line with this idea and would express my opinions below.

First and foremost, the major rationale for providing well pays to doctors and nurses is that they are the one who has a considerable contribution to the public community. Every day and night, medical personnel make the best to take care of and cure the patients sent to hospitals. Always bearing heavy pressure on people's lives, medical workers are frustrated and tortured by every working day, including dealing with death. Furthermore, nurturing a doctor or a nurse takes much time. When a person decides to work in a hospital, at least 6 years are gone in life for more studies in school.

Owing to lots of adversities which they would encounter and the contribution they make, I believe they should earn more money than other careers, especially entertainers like actors or singers who always receive a higher salary. Although others might think that idols can bring their fans much love and passions, especially when they feel desperate in life. That means, idols are kind of incentives for some people to be alive. However, I still believe that saving one's life needs more technical processes and knowledge.

All in all, although I fully recognise the role superstars play to make people laugh and induce them to enjoy life, I reckon that medical workers deserve higher pays because of their work and contribution.
jocelyne001   
Sep 2, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task2: Recycling of waste materials [3]

Hello~

I have some suggestions for you.

Firstly, I think you can add more information of the background of recycling in the first paragraph like Nowadays, although recycling has become a trend all over the world..., so it would be easier for readers to follow in and know the main point of your essay.

Secondly, personally speaking, you can explain more in the factors affecting people's behaviour in recycling. The arguments seem too short and brief for me. Also, the last four sentences in the second paragraph should be moved into third paragraph, since it's not relevant to things you want to express there and would be repetitive with the solutions below. Therefore, I highly recommend you to add more details, arguments or examples in the second paragraph. By doing so, your statement would be more convincing.

Apart from suggestions above, I think you have the good ability in using some adverbs such as furthermore and phrases like in this situation to connect your sentences logically.

Hope my suggestions are helpful for you~
jocelyne001   
Aug 29, 2019
Writing Feedback / Some think that people need to have simpler lifestyles in order to solve the environmental problems. [5]

Hello~

Generally speaking, the use of sentences and vocabulary are both very well in your essay.

I only have a few suggestions. Firstly, you are good at using conjunctions and adverbs in your sentences, which makes readers able to read the essay clearly. However, it seems like you overuse them, especially in the third paragraph ( obviously, therefore, additionally... ). They appear immediately and frequently after one sentence. I believe you should find a balance of using them.

Furthermore, the arguments in your third paragraph are actually quite similar. Maybe you can check the arguments again, delete the parts which are too repetitive and give some new ideas in it such as owing to the evolution of technology, the process of production has been simplified and less contaminated.

Hope my suggestions are helpful for you~
jocelyne001   
Aug 29, 2019
Writing Feedback / Vertical and horizontal cities evaluation [3]

Hello~

Your first paragraph has greatly dragged the main idea and is easy to read.

However, personally speaking, in the second paragraph, it seems that your first ( hobbies ) and third arguments ( gathering and karaoke ) are similar and can be combined together into one.

Also, the logic between sentences is not quite clear. Maybe you can use more conjunctions or make a shift in your sentences ( inversion ), so readers can easily understand the connection of your statement. Actually, you don't have this problem in third paragraph. It is organised in a good manner. Maybe you can check it again.

Finally, in the last paragraph, I think it's better to say so it seems that...

Hope my suggestions are helpful for you~
jocelyne001   
Aug 22, 2019
Writing Feedback / Both passion and colleague relationship might influence people's enjoyment of a job. [2]

Ielts writing task 2 job satisfaction



As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual well-being. What factors contribute to job satisfaction ? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers ?

Nowadays, modern people have longer working hours than workers in the past. it means, labors spend more time in their workplace. Therefore, whether people are satisfied with their careers become an essential issue for human's day-to-day life. I assert that several reasons affect workers' attitude towards their job, and for some people it is difficult to appreciate their jobs.

First and foremost, passion is a major rationale for working adults to be satisfied with their occupation. It is apparent that those who are interested at their work might energetically be more willing to dig deep and gain more knowledge in their specific working area. Also, bridging positive relationship with colleagues is an influential effect, too. Human is always the group animal, so if workers can feel the warm from their company, they might be more active to work.

However, for some labors, it is almost impossible to seek happiness at work. One reason is that owing to the realistic aspects such as financial problem, people are unable to choose their dream job. That means, they inevitably are supposed to target those job which can earn enough money for their family. Another reason results in a lack of appropriate academic qualification. Some labors have difficulty to pursue higher education, so it turns out that they can only meet requirements of low quality jobs. Therefore, it is quite hard for workers to enjoy their work in such a bad environment.

In a nutshell, both passion and colleague relationship are the main factors which might influence people's enjoyment of job. Meanwhile, it is absolutely not possible for every adult to enjoy their career.
jocelyne001   
Aug 22, 2019
Writing Feedback / The line graph illustrates data on how much car commuter in Britain (1990-2030) [2]

Hello

In the first paragraph, you wrote data on how much car commuter which has different meaning from car ownership. Maybe you can change it into data on how many cars commuters had or numbers of vehicles which commuters possessed in the UK by proportion

Because you didn't offer the graph, I'm not sure what you want to express in the opposite is true for no-car household, I think you should change adjective here.

Also, you need to use past tense ... more than one car increased significantly, ... Also, there is was a slight rise ... ( if you want to describe the future trend, using words like anticipate or expect is necessary.

There are some grammar mistakes, accounted foe for,
Compared with nearly 35% ... should be Compared with commuters without having a car, figures of those whom owned one car and over occurred in 35 % and 11 % respectively.

grow up about over 40%, which more cars accounting ? (not sure what it means, grammar is not right, either. ), predicted by just 15% at the end
jocelyne001   
Aug 22, 2019
Writing Feedback / Soil degradation - ielts writing task 1 pie chart and table [3]

Hello

Personally speaking, firstly, it's not appropriate to use abbreviations (NA, E, O) in the essay because Ielts writing test is very formal.
Secondly, in the overview, I think using nevertheless is not logical. Since unlike other causes of depleting land, total land degraded are the figures which represent the number of lands destroyed by percentage, they are not in the same category and the figures can't be compared here.

Thirdly, I think make you can make more comparison in the third paragraph. Finally, you should always leave a space after punctuation, such as details,we ... causes,at 35% . should be details, we ... causes, at 35%.

Hope my suggestions are helpful for you.
jocelyne001   
Aug 21, 2019
Writing Feedback / The two bar charts compare four levels of residents' weights in Charlestown by percentage [2]

Ielts writing task 1 bar charts - weight ASSESSMENT



The charts summarise the weight measurements of people living in Charlestown in 1955 and 2015.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two bar charts compare four levels of residents' weights in Charlestown by percentage with five different age brackets in two selected years, namely 1955 and 2015.

Overall, the weights of people who lived in this city had a considerable change over 60 years. Most citizens in Charlestown had an ideal weight in 1955 whereas obese inhabitants have increased after 60 years.

As seen in the chart of 1955, ideal weight had a lion's share in five age ranges by approximately 70 %. Similarly, in some age brackets, there are over 50% of citizens were under the standard line, compared to people's weights which were over the standard varying from 20 to 69 years old, never surpassing 20 %. Only a few adults and the elderly, below 10 %, had the obesity.

Across a 60 year-period, the obese problem became severe through the age. The figure gradually increased from age range between 20 to 29 years old and peaked at 50 % with older people. At the same time, people with standard weight relatively decreased, while only young adults remained the same. Also, the figure of residents who were too thin shrank over 30 % in almost all ages.




jocelyne001   
Aug 20, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS - using laptops and mobile phones, during lessons is a good way to encourage children to learn [5]

Hello

First of all, personally speaking, there are lots of basic grammar mistakes in your essay, such as As it is difficult for children to stay ... which doesn't have main verb and you should use present tense ( fact ). Actually, you have a wide range of vocabulary in technology include gadget and 3D concept, etc. However, because of the grammar mistakes in tense and in orthography ( interup interrupt ), it becomes a little difficult to understand your sentences. Maybe you should check your essay again.

Also, you are able to use lots of relative clauses, which are great, but sometimes they are too long and it seems hard to follow your idea like There are apps that share ... I think maybe in this case, which can be changed into so. Therefore, it becomes more logical and easy to read. Maybe you can check again.

Generally, your structure and ideas are very convincing.

Hope my suggestions are helpful for you
jocelyne001   
Aug 20, 2019
Writing Feedback / Do the advantages of learning a foreign language at primary school outweigh the disadvantages? [2]

Hello~

I only have two suggestions.
I think you can add a little explanation about why people have debates on the age of learning a foreign language in the first paragraph, so it can drag your idea more smoothly.

Another is about the first benefit of studying a foreign language in primary school, you mentioned the positive effect of studying while playing games. I think maybe you can emphasize more on it or make a comparison, so it would be clearer for readers to understand why it is practical to conduct this activity.

Hope my suggestions are helpful~
jocelyne001   
Aug 19, 2019
Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2 - technology impact on tradition [4]

@coke
OK~thank you!
I think maybe I should add more details there to explain my idea, so it would be clearer and not seems like out of the topic~

@emins
Thanks you very much !
jocelyne001   
Aug 19, 2019
Writing Feedback / Some people think that it is best to live in a horizontal city while others think of a vertical city [4]

Hello~

Personally speaking, I think you can explain more about this topic in the first phrase because you dragged this idea a little too straightforwardly without any description.

Also, in the third paragraph, you mentioned your first argument about the benefit of living in apartments, but you talked the public usage for small business. Actually, I don't really understand what is your statement here, maybe it's my problem ? Public usage for me is like your second arguments which mentioned the free services for residents ( gym, swimming pool, etc. ) I believe if you can explain this more clearly is better.

Hope my suggestions are helpful for you~
jocelyne001   
Aug 19, 2019
Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2 - technology impact on tradition [4]

Traditional Skills Being Lost



When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Nowadays, technology has considerably evolved, as well as people's quality of life. Some assert that the old tradition are out of trend now and can be abandoned. In contrast, others claim that the convention still has its own value. My stance is more in line with the latter based on following reasons.

First and foremost, the major rationale for saving the culture, is to secure the path of ancestors. Owing to the culture, people can identify their value and find their attribution. The human is always a group animal. It is important for us to find a group to rely on. If these ancient residents didn't use their old wisdom to build up the civilisation, modern people would not be alive. Therefore, modern people should not forget their own convention because it is the result of ancestors with blood, sweat and tear.

Furthermore, most new inventions, in fact, adopt the wisdom of ancient skills. For instance, water bottles have been used over 2000 years, how can people consider them as a new technology or old one. Based on this example, technology is the result of ceaseless advance. Also, not only can technology make our life more convenient, it can also help restore the culture. Although materials including monuments and works of art might disappear one day because of the flow of time, spirits can last forever in computers.

In a nutshell, although tradition inevitably tend to be branded as a negative term, I am convinced that both convention and new evolution are both essential and can create a win-win situation to our life.
jocelyne001   
Aug 18, 2019
Writing Feedback / Work commuting transportation - Ielts writing task 1 pie charts [3]

reasons for cycling/driving to work



The two pie charts compare the various factors which affected people to choose the two different ways, biking and driving, to commute to their workplace by percentage.

On the whole, in order to keep fitness and decline air pollution, a large number of people decide to work by bicycle. In comparison with the reasons for cycling, most workers drive their own private vehicles because of comfort.

In terms of workers who bike to work, both health and environment are crucial factors which account for 30 % respectively. The combination of numbers of parking spaces, less expenditure than vehicles, speed of bikes occurred in 40 %.

In contrast, approximately 40 % of drivers believe it is more comfortable to drive to work, and the factor of distance also has 21 % of supporters. More than 2 % of people think it is faster to commute by cars than by bikes. Similarly, the figure of thinking the weight of belongings accounts for the same 14 %. Only 11% of workers drive owing to the care of safety of bicycles.




jocelyne001   
Aug 18, 2019
Writing Feedback / A good sports person or musician are born or can be taught? [4]

Hello~
It is a good essay, you gave lots of examples in it, but I think if you can make more explanations about connection between examples and your arguments, it would be better. Also, you could use more techniques in your writing.

Hope these suggestions are helpful !
jocelyne001   
Aug 17, 2019
Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2: education distance learning is quite efficient and convenient [3]

going to a real school or study online



Some people think distance learning has more benefits than schools, so schools will disappear from our lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Nowadays, with the development of technology, distance learning has become another option for students to acquire knowledge. Effective as it may be, debates of it have yield a spectrum of views. Some claim that learning online is a good choice and one day might replace schools whereas others assert that schools still have its irreplaceable status. My stance is more in line with latter based on following reasons.

First and foremost, the major rationale for going to school is that students could learn how to participate in a group. Often in the family, parents tend to spoil their children, so it is crucial for students to develop an appropriate relationship with their classmates in schools which includes to learn to share food or empathize others. Therefore, they can engage well in society in the future. Also, knowing how to express their ideas in front of the public is also an important value in schools since from teachers' and friends' reaction, children can tell if it is a successful performance or not.

Furthermore, not only can youngsters gain the knowledge of main subjects at schools, they also have other additional classes such as art and music which are essential for students to find their own talent. Most of online courses still focus on cultivating teenagers' academic ability like literacy, but music, art and sports are also very important subjects, too. They can rather train students' left brain and provide alternative way to let off stream. Also, some people are only talented at playing piano and painting, and schools offer a good place to look for their aptitude and seek different possibility.

In a nutshell, although studying online is quite efficient and convenient, given the function of schools to develop communication skills and other talents, I am convinced that school education would not be taken over.
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