Graduate / 'Becomeing a university professor' - personal statement for PhD Economics [7]

Hello Victor,

I deleted your other post, while it was in a different thread it will still a duplicate post.

As for your writing, this is fantastic. I've gone over it a few times and nothing stands out to me. Your opening is engaging, none of the ideas you're trying to get across are to over complicated or dragged out, it's just really well done.

the only thing that you may to consider reviving ( and a minor thing at that) is the 5th paragraph starting with "Several key factors". Maybe lead into what those key factors are a differently, opening your next sentence with "such as" etc.

again just a small thing, everything looks really good otherwise.

good luck!

Undergraduate / Grew up in both Little Haiti and Biscayne Blvd. College application essay [3]

Chelcie,

Made a quick title change to your post, just helps it stand out from the crowd a bit.

I would also like to make a suggestion with your opening statement...

Miami is my hometown. I grew up in both Little Haiti and Biscayne Blvd. Those are two mini towns in Miami. I grew up being use to the sounds of gun shots, watching people argue about pointless situations, watching drug addicts, beg people for loose change and watched people build mini stores in their homes. I've also witnessed violent fights and crucial arrestments. Situations like those usually influence people to want to do either or of those things, but its influence me to want to achieve superior goals prior to that.

Often times with opening statements, omitting things can actually make your content stronger and more interesting. by opening with I grew up to the sound of gunshots it makes it instantly engaging and pulls the reader in.

Overall the rest of it seems fine. I really liked reading your story. Despite all you describe going through It was nice to see that you were still able to be positive about it in the end.

Letters / MSc. Student Cover Letter for an internship application [3]

HI Razafindralambo,

I like the cover letter, it needs very little since the content is great but there are some things that could benefit from some small edits.

I am actually...omit actually. you ARE a 2nd year etc. etc.

as a compulsory part...omit compulsory. It makes it sound like you're only applying because you need to, not because you want to (which may be the case, but they don't need to know that :) )

involved in making research...this can simply be "involved in research" etc. Try not to over complicate simple ideas, there are other places where things can be simplified down a bit as well.

In your closing, you may want to change "opportunity" to something else so that it doesn't repeat itself. possibly restructure the paragraph to "I look forward to discussing available opportunities with you and can provide further information if needed. I thank you for your time and consideration." just an example, your call.

Those are just a few small things that jumped out at me, like i said this is already very well done as is.

Hope this helps!!

Letters / Cover Letter to enter UN YPP Examination (Information System and Technology) [4]

Hello Jayaditya,

Took a look at your letter, I think it's very good as is but I see some things that you may be able to change around to make it better.

Since this is something being written in the hopes of getting a job you want to build interest in your content right of the bat and try to hold that interest so that they remember you long after they finish reading. Likely you are one of many applicants so you need to set yourself apart from the rest.

I am confident that I fit the profile of...this to me should be where you jump right into your qualifications, show them why they should hire you as early on as possible. Most likely this will just be skimmed over so you need to grab there attention IMMEDIATELY so that they want to keep reading.

keeping in line with the idea that it will be skimmed through you may want to simplify some of the spots where you might be overcomplicated things. Evidence of my programming skills can be seen....things like this should be shortened to whats needed so that the content is still there, but it isn't a longer read than it needs to be.

hope this response didn't come too late for you, good luck!!

Undergraduate / College App essay - flute playing - critique needed [2]

Katelyn,

This is a really well done, well written essay. On a quick read through nothings jumping out at me as far as any spelling or grammar errors.

While it is a very nice story, the last sentence about what the assignment is may need more attention. It seems you briefly touch on these ideas at the end with what music has taught you but it think it could be expanded further to cover the themes they seem to be looking for. Rather than listing off things like persistence, discipline etc. maybe you could expand your closing to give more specific examples of these things and or examples on the themes mentioned like academic integrity. I would consider expanding your closing to fit more content about these things and possibly your goals further down the line of other thing you want to achieve through music. Basically, you're trying to steer the content of your writing towards the specific program you're applying for.

good luck!!

Undergraduate / "Say cheese!" The flash of the camera [7]

Danielle,

Made a quick title change to something less generic, helps your post stand out more.

Let me just say first that this is very well written and I love how descriptive you are with your writing, It really helps put the reader there in the situation you're describing.

I don't see any issues with spelling or grammar on a first read through so I would focus mostly on looking at where you could re-structure things a bit or omit some unnecessary content. just a few minor things (and i do mean minor)...

"I was one of 1,500 identically dressed teenagers in a cap and long, forest green gown"- I was one of 1500 teenagers dressed in caps and long forest green gowns. (just a simple restructure)

"I felt a time" was that meant to be "I felt AT THAT time"? that one stood out to me, not sure about it.

Again, just some minor things. Also, I liked where you talked about your passion for poetry, nice to see so much ambition.

Hope this helps.

Undergraduate / General Personal Statement for addmissions and scholarships. [4]

Tim,

A few things. Your opening sentence is great and definitely draws attention to your writing. However, i would make it gender neutral, changing "men" to "people".

Next, I think there are some spots were you have some good and interesting things to say, but you could maybe dress them up a bit to keep things as interesting as they can be. some editing suggestions-

For years I kept both my mind and my eyes shut = For years I went through life with my mind closed and my vision narrowed.

After "significant factor in my life" end on a period, then add "I felt" to open the next sentence.

In your last paragraph, it seems like your setting up for a really good, strong closing so i would keep with that idea and expand on some things. try to be a bit more descriptive with your ideas about the mind. I found it interesting to read but that makes me wish there was a bit more of it.

For your closing paragraph, I like that you start to bring it towards a positive note near the end and i would go with that. Maybe expand on your future goals and how you are/will progress towards them? I think ending on I high note will make for a very fulfilling reading experience.

"That day never came". I liked that, really drove home the idea of how rough things were.

Hope this helps, good luck!!

Scholarship / Scholarship for Master Studies in Germany for profesionals from developing countries [5]

Back in Argentina, in 2006, I was selected by ACN Consulting to take part in a new project, the opening of a Global Finance Service Center in Buenos Aires, Argentina.

I had to deal regularly with unexpected situations, thiswhich definitely enhanced my flexibility and my adaptation skills.

It is my personal mission to work in pursuit of sustainable development and the optimization of resources in my country, as the only way to achieve long-term economic growth.

...to Argentina to work at an international organization, such as the Inter American Development Bank, the World Bank, or in the local government.

Good luck with school!

:)

Undergraduate / Admittance Essay from a Archaeology student hopeful, UT Austin [3]

I have loved history and ancient cultures for as far back as I can remember.

Apparently that was too much, so the librarian told me I needed to start choosing other books.

I graduated high school, but unfortunately my parents could not afford to send me to college, so I joined the work force.

I enjoyed my job, but I always had this nagging feeling that I could do better.

I knew I could do better and I wanted to go to college, so I enrolled in Southwest Tennessee Community College.

I soon found out that it would be a long road before I could study the things I had set my heart on.

I was a little discouraged, yes, but what harm could come from learning multiple languages?

I was not able to go when I afteras soon as I graduated from high school, but looking back on it now I do not know if I would have had the same enthusiasm that I do now.

I want to be a continuous student and learn as much as I can about the history of our world and its people.

Good luck with school!

:)

Undergraduate / 'learning, caring and global awareness' effectiveness of my Florida State Admissions [2]

Because of this attitude, leaders attract like minded people who support ideas and movements, and from these people, positive activities and attributes...

At the conference, nerves were extremely frayed and competitors were quite nervous.---I changed one of the words so it wouldn't sound repetitive.

Because of this,I a few of us took the initiative to organize some strategic meetings in which we explained the importance of keeping your nerves in check when presenting on such a large scale.

On a football team, success is impossible without strong leadership.

:)

Writing Feedback / 'will be relocating to Perth' - My IELTS essay general training [2]

As you know, I will be relocating to Perth in 4 weeks time, and I have some furniture I want to sell, as I my new house in Perth is fully furnished.

I have several pieces of furniture I wanted to sell, such as---no comma here--- my desk and dining table.

All of the furniture is in good condition, especially the dining table, it comes with six dining chairsand with cushions on them but I rarely use it because most of the time I eat in my room.

Apart from that, the desk in my room is big enough to fit 2 of your 24 inch monitors and still have ample space to study, but there is some minor cosmetic wear at the edge of the desk because it is beside the wall.

:)

Writing Feedback / student income over a ten year period ielts writing task 1 [2]

There was a 50% decrease in parental contribution which fell down from 32% in 1988/89 to 16% in 1998/99.

Student income from grants were constant between 1988/89 to 1992/93 at 38%.

After that, there was a decrease in grants which fell down to 23% in 1995/96 and went down again to 14% in 1998/99.

During this period there was a growth in student earnings which went up from 6% 1988/89 and reached to a peak of 12% in 1998/99.

:)

Writing Feedback / Essay on your reading proccess [2]

The literature I read is mainly non- fictional , and educational. Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer and Eat, Pray and Love by Elizabeth Gilbert are among the non-fictional books I have read.

When I read, I retain approximately eighty percent of the content.

I plan on reading more every day ---2 words--- to improve my reading skills.

My goal is to read two hours every day.

When I study read, the rate of reading is different from recreational reading, since study reading requires deep readingconcentration .

:)

Writing Feedback / Causes and solution of problems faced by school because of student behavior. [4]

In a number of countries, a significant issue faced by schools is student behavior.

In this essay I will look at a few major causes of it, and propose a solutions for them.

Firstly, it is confirmed by statistics that a majority of children display rowdy attitudes at school because either their parents are going through a divorce or they are single parent children .

This results in them becoming more and more attention needy.---You seem very perceptive and caring!

Secondly, the punishment withthat a misbehaving child is given is not always harsh enough.

Because of this, there seems to be no change whatsoever in their attitude.

In fact, such a child will recommit his mistakes as long as he believes he can live through such light punishments.

Regarding the second cause, the school ought to come up with new punishments which are harsh enough to make children reconsider their actions before misbehaving.

:)

Undergraduate / 'interested in current events' - UMD Supplement- Citizen Journalism 300 words [2]

It was with this story that made me realize that any individual could influence public opinion by the manner in which he portrayed events.

By their use of words, emotion, and acting, they could, in effect, control the feelings of their audiences.

That sounds like a great class! Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'rural haven developed' - University of Michigan Supplement Essay Draft [3]

We Boyne Falls nestlings, ranging from velcro shoe models to All-State athletes, always uncovered our own fun.

This park was unaffordable for most families in the area, instantly becoming the animosity of every parent in town.---This is good writing! I like how you worded it.

I really like your essay! You're an excellent writer, descriptive and amusing. You can tell by the essay, that you're intelligent and well spoken. Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Graduate / 'not only saving a life' - PA School Narrative (625 word max) on motivation [3]

I jump up, hop into my boots, and my feet are moving before I can even process what I am doing.

I hop into the back of the ambulance and we rush to the scene, anxious and ready.

Her respiration is dropping, and she is in and out of consciousness.

In what felt like an instant, we arrived at the hospital and quickly transfered care to the ER staff.

This is what sparked my interested in exploring different career options.

This led me to explore the job of a Physician Assistant, to ensure it was indeed what I desired.

The individuals had time to have a personal life as well as develop interests outside of work, two qualities in which I value deeply.

It is this combination that has led me to say, with confidence, that becoming a Physician Assistant would truly be a dream come true and is where my passions lie.

You are an excellent writer! Good luck with school.

:)

Undergraduate / 'the mascot of Olin was a phoenix' - Supplement- Is Olin a good fit for you? WHY? [3]

This was one of the criteria that I used as I started my college search- I wanted a school that wasn't just concerned with transmitting knowledge, but one that takes the abstract and detached world of engineering and brings it down to a personal level.---I like the way you write!

I looked all over the country- and then I found Olin. I discovered not only a design-based college that had achieved a unique balance between practice and theory, but also a haven, one that encourages both leadership as well asand teamwork.

The design-based classes emphasize creativity and imagination by giving students the opportunity to define what's important,to do without teachers telling them.

This is a place where the learning style, the passion of the students, and the teacher's enthusiasm would all complement what I would bring to the table- passion for both learning and helping others learn, a vast imagination, and a steadfastness that I apply to every problem I come up against.

... such as integrity and openness to change, but that it emphasizes an spirit of partnership that is reflected in its curriculum.

...key for leaders to realize that you can achieve more by helping others achieve their own potentials and empowering the m, than by deciding who should lead.

:)

Undergraduate / 'multiple events serving my community' - FSU admission essay 2012 [3]

Throughout the years, I have been introduced to a plethora of new things; good and bad.

I've had the privilege to partake ---participate in multiple events in which I've served my community.

Each one has brought me a great deal of pleasure, although one stands out from the rest.

At the time, she was eight years old and it was her inadequate amount of clothing that left me heavyhearted.

It saddened me to learn that she was the oldest of three other children, and had chosen to give up her clothing to her younger and more necessitous siblings.

It would come with great honor to be a part of the FSU community and be granted the opportunity to work with students who find service as an enjoyable and essential part of life.

:)

Undergraduate / the "Barnardian" title - Barnard Transfer Essay [3]

Education is something I have always taken pride in, and though my record may not portray it when it comes to my younger years, Queensborough has taught me that I am capable of accomplishing anything I set my mind to, and I find that to be one of the most important revelations anyone could ever have.

It isn't the same to just hear a spoken cliched sentence than it is to realize and embrace the concept on your own.---This sentence needs to be revised for the sake of clarity.

WhichThis is why I know and I can say with much certainty and reassurance to you that I have the ability to succeed at your institution.---You cannot begin a sentence with "Which is why..." because it would be incomplete.

It has taken me time, longer than I am proud of, to have finally found myself, and I am now ready.

There are a collection of institutions that have the ability to embrace the concept of intellectualism, but in my eyes none would...

I have striven to emulate the Barnard woman, and in doing so I have worked to strengthen myself mentally and academically.

Good luck with school!

:)

Undergraduate / Hedy Lamarr, the Actress and Inventor (Write about a person who influences you) [3]

The stereotypical genius is a man with glasses and a calculator, while the token beauty ...

Imagining a woman whom ishas both beauty and brains is easy enough.

Finding the real thing is hard. ---I'm pretty sure a lot of people will be extremely offended by this statement.

Onscreen sex symbol with a giant secret.---This sentence is incomplete.

She was as brilliant as she was beautiful. Hedy befriended a composer named George Antheil, and together...

She gives me a sense of pride in myself as I step into the male dominant field of engineering.---It sounds as if you are saying that even though you are strikingly beautiful, you believe in yourself.

:)

Writing Feedback / Life Experience Essay on religious beliefs and how it effects my choices in friends [2]

...wary of people who were practitioners of other religions; Jehovah's Witnesses , Atheists, Mormons, etc.

This often led to me having disagreements with other people when I went to public schools.

When I entered my public high school as a freshman I had only two friends I knew and was close with.

I was, and still to this day, am a serious advocate of the Pro-Life cause.

On the "National Day of Silence" I spent the day being called names and laughed at by a lot of my peers.

Later, I was introduced to a group of people through a mutual friend.

This experience helped open my eyes to the fact that true friends are not some thingspeople you can choose by religion.

Religion may be what we all believe in, but who we are as people is shown through our actions and how far we are willing to go to protect those we care about.

:)

Writing Feedback / "couch potatoes" - the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life - Gre Issue [2]

Modern luxuries and conveniences have certainly helped our society become more independent as a whole; specifically by freeing historically marginalized groups of people from their stereotypical roles. ---This is excellent writing!

Contemporary technology during World War II gave women opportunities outside of the field of battle to fight, and ultimately work, outside of the home.

In the twenty-first century, we saw the advent of the Internet and watched it grow to be ubiquitous throughout the world.

Some might argue, ---I don't think there should be a comma here.--- though, that modern luxuries such as televisions and computers provide too "cushy" of a lifestyle, and turn otherwise hard-working individuals into lazy, dependent "couch potatoes."

You are such a good writer, to the point and no wasted words. Good luck with school!

:)

Undergraduate / HMC FAST Essay--What do I hope to gain from my college experience? [2]

I am expecting college to be a positive experience for me that will help shape me and allow me to discover who I really am.

Even though I have had some experiences and faced obstacles that required a more complex...

All ofThese projects took many different attempts and failures until I found the best setup.

Not only were the results personally rewarding, but I was actually beginning to think more creatively and actively.

Those who are not willing to try new approaches to any type of problem may stay stuck in one place and will not advance much further in life.

:)

Undergraduate / 'the Greek goddess Nike' - First University Admission Essay EVER [2]

I would like to say that I was one of the kids that somehow knew what they loved and would like to do with their lives at a younger age, but the vast majority of us these days don't seen to be so lucky.

Ever since I was younger and in grade school, my mother would take me for drives.

I began to carry a camera with me on these drives and collected many pictures to which I would gawk at when I was at home until our next adventure out.

I still drive around to those same areas as well as many different other neighborhoods in search of gorgeous and timeless homes.

Growing up, I played with the ideas of becoming a photographer for Architectural Digest or real estate magazines, or if I even wanted to becomebecoming an architect myself.

Upon realizing my career interest, I now wish to pursue a major in art history at the University of Texas in Austin with a minor in chemistry; my second favorite class. I have ever taken.

...I will also be able to help keep their beauty alive and true so that generations to come can still enjoy them.

There is one piece in particular that inspires me the most, and that is of the Greek goddess Nike who represents victory.

:)

Writing Feedback / 'our friendship is not selfish' - my paragraph on my best friends [4]

According toIn my opinion, a close friend would be someone who really cared about me and wasn't trying to get something from me.

She is two years older than I am, and is now studying Computer Science at university.

Although we differ in age, we have many things in common. tastes.

We also like going to a park, just walking around and enjoying the peaceful environment of the park.

This is very nice! Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Writing Feedback / IELTS: wellbeing at work [4]

There are no doubts that one of the worst things that can happen is to be obligated to make --do things which do not bring pleasures to us.

At the same time, many people do not realize what the real price is that they are paying in order to receive such high salaries.

I know a lot of professionals who consider their jobs as the most pleasant tasks of their lives

For example, a pilot while working is traveling and knowing other places, so free!

Of course, even though, ---no comma here--- people choose their job contrasting the advantages...

Anyway, for sure, the job satisfaction is a key question in our wellbeing.

:)

Writing Feedback / highest purpose of university education, personal or national goals? [2]

Many individuals wonder the about the highest purpose of university education.

The founders of tertiary institutions all around the world surely had in their minds a platform for young adults...

This process will then benefit a country, like Singapore, which relies heavily on its human resources to advance.

On the other hand, the highest purpose of university education needs not be just one of the two; it can be the combination of both.

This will encourage individuals to set personal goals in line with the national aims. Therefore, both objectives should be present in university education for people and nations to thrive concurrently.----Really good points!!

In conclusion, both the achievement of personal goals and the fulfillment of national aims should be the highest purpose of university education.

:)

Undergraduate / Drunk on the Road - ISSUE OF IMPORTANCE COLLEGE ESSAY [4]

Catherine Kim was rushed into an Emergency Room, but died instantly while entering ---on her way into surgery.

They inform people that not only are the drunk drivers get affected, but also the people they come in contact with.

It's time to step up and take a fresh approach.

By the restriction of giving out alcohol for each person, we can save trouble.

Drunk drivers are careless people who have no control.---Good point!

They realize their mistake when tragedy hits.

They say a prayer to her every Sunday and talk about what they have done for the past week.

I visit the memorial once in a while and grieve that she died because of a careless person.

If that one person didn't drink too much and get on the road, Catherine would still be here.

Drunk Driving accidents happen every day in every part of the world.

:)

Speeches / Room 101 Speech (Something I hate) - Help With Development? [5]

Therefore, Room 101 is a room of basic introduction(s)? .

Fear is the art of not understanding a situation fully.---I like the way you write! Thank you for breaking up my day with some good writing!

It's not the scariest of films, but it fits my cause perfectly.

:)

Writing Feedback / It is said that the human beings are becoming slaves of modern technology [5]

Technological advancements are becoming more and more sophisticated.

It is accessible to almost everyone, making it a significant part of modern society.

For example, in agriculture, more products are now made from the same amount of raw materials, utilizing the new advanced techniques.

A typical example is the computer, which is used in most manufacturing nowadays as a magical device including word progressing, cutting, assembling clothes, etc.
For example, computerization has made it far easier for the banks to keep track of individual banking transactions , helping to solve the potential and financial problems more effectively and efficiently.

On the other hand, as a result of the technological necessity, human beings are now relying on technology ---it---too much.

A lot of work that used to be done by humansactivities in the past, is now conducted by equipment and machines completely.

The point is that everyone needs to make sure that humans are aware of the bad and good impact which technological advancement has on life.

However, we should make a full use of it to achieve our goals and dreams, rather than to become dependent on it.

:)

Writing Feedback / 'The goal isn't to live forever' - Toefl Essay [4]

His death has affected the people as much as its impact will affect the kingdom.

Prince Nayef Bin Abdul Aziz Al Saud was one of the greatest men that The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia has ever known .

He had a great power, and God knows he never used it unfairly.

In short, he ruled the kingdom by the laws of God, and losing a man with such a high morals was certainly...

Prince Nayef Bin Abdul Aziz Al Saud certainly did just that. ---I just added a couple more words to add drama.

:)

Graduate / SOP CS (Interactive Entertainment Technology Master) [3]

I started beingbecame nervous when talking to people and became depressed because of lacking connection with people.

At times I was devoid of motivation to do anything, but deep in my heart, I was sure I could recover, as I am an optimistic person.

After my junior year, I decided to take an year leave to serve the social service in advance, as an assistant in the fire department.

The project extracts foreground objects from live video and then applies Lorentz transformation on the object to simulate length contraction phenomenon in special relativity.

My interest in the technical field and the experience of overcoming my problems drives me to thinking of this problem: can technology assist humans to motivate themselves?

My goal of pursuing this degree is to try to learn technical aspects of games as much as possible.

:)

Writing Feedback / Go out to work (both parents have to work nowadays) [17]

If we look at past times past , we can see many families, which consisted of a father who went out to work and a mother who stayed at home and looked after the children.

However, it is much more different today, and many families think that it is important for both parents to go out to work.

Some people believe that children whose parents both go out to work have more access in their everyday life.---Access to what?

Because, tTheir parents are able to afford more things such as new clothes, up to dated computers and mobile phones and video games.

On the other hand, there are people who claim that children who are in positions like this are less likely to get enough support and attention, and this means they may not do as well with their studies.

Because there is no one who can provide with support such as to dowith homework or revision.

:)

Undergraduate / 'I love eating food and finance' - roommate essay, babson supplement [5]

I would like to start by saying, ---no comma here --- that I am very exited to meet you!

Before I start telling you about myself first , I would like to congratulate you for being accepted into the extremely prestigious college and extraordinary community of Babson College.

First of all, I love eating! food

Eating is my favorite hobby, and since I believe that my tastes buds are developed, I am comfortable in eating all types of cuisines, so I am sure that we can together eat food, --no comma here either --- which we both enjoy.

... so don't get angry if our room is always messed up.As ---Always leave a space between sentences. --- far academics are concerned, economics and finance are my favorite subjects...

My major in Babson College is going to be finance, as I have a deep love for investing...

I am really excited and I look forward to hearing from you.

:)

Writing Feedback / Hope is the buoy of life [5]

The only thing which keeps the pace of life going on is the hope.

It is the nucleus of all human traits that keep him alive.

Without hope the life ends, it is the main reason why people give up their life by suicides .

In the path of life there are moments when a person suffers different traumas and loses the peace and harmony of his life, but still he struggles for the good time only by having hope. ---Always put periods and all other punctuation marks right up against the last letter of the word or sentence. No space.

Life is not a bed of roses, rather a bed of thorns, and people spend their whole life in the hope for good times.

The life relies on the hope and the world is full of its examples.

Thousands of candidates appear in civil services exams every year but only a few get allocation.

It was hope that led our great leader M.Ali Jinnah to struggle for...

:)

Poetry / 'I aim to persist in billiards' - PS 500words [3]

Billiards, which is thea so-called adult's game, has a strong appeal to me and gives me a distinctive joy in life. Power, finesse, calculation, strategy and mental strength are indispensable aspectsof the competitive world of billiards.

However, it wasn't music that, ---no comma here --- gave me happiness out of ordinary days; it was actually billiards that became my closest partner during my childhood.

Power is the leading factor behind the game, which dictates the accuracy of the first firing shot.

What's more, clever strategies are the crux of subduing one's opponents, which means one should plan in advance numerous offensive and defensive strategies to fight his opponents.

Geometric calculations and logic strategies are the cream of the crop when it comes to billiards competitions.

I believe that adding a billiards atmosphere would make a great contribution within a school's extracurricular activities and would add color to the university's life.

:)

Writing Feedback / My life changed the morning I witnessed my friend have a diabetic seizure. [5]

I think your opening sentence is perfect, as it is an attention grabber, making your essay immediately interesting. It's the ones that start with 'since as far back as I can remember...' that are sure to be boring. When you make it personal, as you're doing, whoever reads it will see you more as a person than just another essay. I can tell already, that you're a good writer, so I think you'll do fine. When you're finished, send it back through and we'll have another look.

:)

Undergraduate / "time when you went out of your way to help a colleague" Competency based question [2]

During my first experience with *** company, there have beenwere some changes in our management team which brought in new colleagues.

That was a bit of tricky situation, as the previous manager had not been able to devote enough time to fully explain his role.

My excellent relationship with the previous manager and my understanding of the functioning of our work allowed me to act as an efficient intermediary between the two facilitating the transition process, thus, saving time.

By the end of fourth week in his new role, the new manager was getting closer to a full understanding of the big picture, and I managed to reduce transition delays and enhance the overall functioning of our team.

Both the previous and the new manager had shown approval for my attitude and accepted my request to write me some recommendations.

:)

Graduate / MCAT Prompt: The right to life is greater than the right to liberty. [2]

Liberty is basically freedom, whether it be freedom of religion, press, or the pursuit of happiness.

Another instance may be a prehistoric man who has met a vicious tiger on a hunting trail who thinks of this man as dinner.---lol, I like the way you write!

The prehistoric man is going to either fight or run away in order to save his life, not contemplating about the injustices of society or freedoms that he may want to pursue.

This statement is ultimately saying that survival, as in staying alive, is more basic.

On the other hand, a time when the right to liberty may be greater than the right to life may be when certain people would rather die for havingthan not to have a certain freedom or liberty.

Many other martyrs died because to them, they would rather die if they didthan not have the freedom to preserve their own culture, use their own language, and have the freedom to call their country their own.

It's either fight or flight, and the prehistoric man just wants to save his own life.

It then seems that the right to liberty may be favored in situations where there is time to contemplate about one's life and to evaluate whether certain liberties or rights may be worth dying for.

:)