Unanswered [57] | Urgent [1]

Posts by Iloveielts
Name: Mc Arnold
Joined: Jul 24, 2022
Last Post: Aug 8, 2022
Threads: 8
Posts: 16  
Likes: 1
From: France
School: QH star school

Displayed posts: 24
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Aug 8, 2022
Writing Feedback / Task 1: The line graph shows visits to and from the UK from 1979 to 1999, and the bar graph shows [3]

uk residents in travel

The line graph compares the trips to and from the UK between 1979 and 1999 while the bar chart illustrates five countries that most attracted the British in 1999. Overall, the initial impression is the UK saw a higher increase in their citizens travelling abroad than in their foreign visitors. It is also evident that France was the most attractive destination for British visitors.

Regarding the line graph, in 1999, the numbers of UK residents visiting overseas was nearly 15 million, which was higher than that of people arriving in UK (10 million). Toward the end of the period, while the figure for visits abroad made by the British experienced a dramatic increase by 40 million, the number of visits to the UK by foreigners tripled to nearly 30 million.

In 1999, over 10 million UK residents visited France, which was considerably higher than that of Spain (9 million). Next in ranking was USA, with is figure being one third that of Spain. Meanwhile, Turkey and Greece are the least favored of all the examined countries, with just 2.5 and 2 million UK visitors arriving in these nations respectively.

Aug 8, 2022
Writing Feedback / Essay regarding government spending which should be more targeted on education or on infrastructure [3]

The first body paragraph has missed the task achievement point since it is not logical : A person will have a prosperous life if .... In addition, people give respect to those who are ...

Furthermore, education gives ...
==> there is no connection between 2 questions I highlighted as they support 2 main ideas that are different with each other and different from the main idea you give. The same with the last sentence, you need to choose 1 of 3 ideas to analyze clearly and logical to it.
Aug 8, 2022
Writing Feedback / The table shows the television channels viewing figures for sports in some countries [4]

First, this is an IELTS Task 1: You have missed the structure of this task :
(1) Opening ( paraphrasing) + Overall : at least 2 questions about the highlights of the graph
(2) Body 1
(3) Body 2.
Second, the lack of conjunction will affect your bandscore : Try to use: meanwhile, By contrast, in addition,additionally,..... to connect the sentence
... 7 million viewers. By contrast, Motor racing is ... and Australia. Meanwhile, Athletics is still ...
Aug 6, 2022
Writing Feedback / The proportion of car trips made by male and female drivers for 8 purposes in the year of 2005 [2]

percentage of car trips by purpose and gender of drivers

Task 1:
The bar chart compares the proportion of car trips made by male and female drivers for 8 purposes in the year of 2005. Overall, the initial impression is that commuting to work was the most common reason for car travel for both men and women. It is also evident that visiting town, bank, running errands, visiting friends and recreation are the categories that witnessed the biggest difference between the percentage of males and females doing these activities.

In 2005, about 53% of males used their cars to drive to work, which was considerably higher than that of females, at about 37%. By contrast, there were slightly more women used cars for shopping than men, 17% compared to 10%. Similarly, the percentages of men and women driving to courses were fairly similar, at 8% and 12% respectively.

The differences between the proportion of male and female drivers could be seen when we compare the remaining categories. The percentages of women driving to bank, running errands and to visit friends were 8%, 10%,7% respectively, which were strikingly higher than those for men, at approximately 4%. On the contrary, while cars were used by roughly 12% and 8% of men for recreation and town visits respectively, fewer women favoured driving for these purposes, at nearly 3% for both activities.

Aug 6, 2022
Writing Feedback / Evaluate my ielts writing task 2 essay about health and diet topic [3]

The first one is the mistakes with vocabularies. : sedentary lifestyle, and it usually goes with lead a sedentary lifestyle
obesity not obesety in your essay. ==> these mistakes will affect badly your essay points./ social not socal
(2): the conclusion is still confusing. You need to have at least 3 sentences in the last paragraph : the 1st is good but you should add a recommendation or a prediction in the future, it may be more persuasive
Aug 5, 2022
Writing Feedback / In today's world, urban life has been associated with many persistent issues [3]

The first thing is the misbalance between 2 bodies: extending the roads and improving the quality of public transports will partly decrease traffic congestion when the number of vehicles is reduced. For this sentence you should separate it into 2 : first of all, extending the roads and improving the quality of public transports may help to alleviate the concerns of the public. Since they may decrease traffic congestion, there will be fewer accidents as well as the postponement of people's daily activities, which, in the process, relieves the unnecessary stress posed on citizens.

The second is the conclusion : you should summary what you have analyzed in 2 paragraphs like: while X causes the problem, it could be solved by Y.
Aug 2, 2022
Writing Feedback / Task 2: Several laborers are struggling to achieve the work-life balance [2]

Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives.

What are the reasons for this? How can this problem be overcome?

It is observed that several laborers are struggling to achieve the work-life balance. The high volume of work as well as the promotion of materialism could be contributing factors to this phenomenon. However, it can be tackled by such measures as the enactment of laws and shrewder financial plans.

To commence with, the aforementioned problem can be attributed to two reasons. One of them is the increasing number of tasks in the workplace. Since employees, in this day and age, tend to assume a heavy workload, it appears necessary to work overtime to accomplish the assigned duty, which, in the process, culminates in their reduction of time allocated into other activities. Another explanation is people pursuing materialism. To be more specific, many individuals are intrinsically inclined to acquire more material possession as a way to stay on equal footing to their friends or colleagues, resulting in their forgoing time to work harder to accumulate wealth.

Nonetheless, the issue could be mitigated by some viable solutions. A key of them is that national governing bodies introduce laws regulating the frequency of working overtime in every firm. For instance, any business extending their operating time over the limited days in a week have to pay the monetary fine. Additionally, each individual should build up their own shrewder financial plan. As a plethora of laborers opt for working overtime to earn a fortune due to the shortage of money, a detailed list of expenses appears efficacious now that it helps workers manage their expenditure suitably, reducing their demand to work extended hours.

In conclusion, the growing demands in workplace and materialistic pursuits could be the genuine cataclysms to the misbalance between work and other life aspects. However, the issue could be resolved by the laws introduced by the government coupled with personal suitable plan of spending.
Aug 2, 2022
Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2 topic hobbies; Industrial revolution 4.0 [3]

On the one hand, people who greet new things outside are more creative, not only seize the opportunities for themselves but also benefit for communities. : what do you mean with benefit for the communities, just say contribute remarkably to the society or benefit the communities considerably.

they curious about the diversity of the world: where is to be verb ? this is a grammar mistake that affects your band score alot. The task response in body is bad. Since the 1st sentence you said about the personality and benefits of people want to change and the last sentence is about relationship. There is no connection between them. In this case, you failed to achieve the task response point.

More high level words must be used to diversify the vocabs.
The conclusion is so bad as they do not function as it should be, where is the restatement sentence ? and next a prediction and recommendation is advisable.
Aug 2, 2022
Writing Feedback / Some people believe that keeping pets is beneficial while others believe that it is a bad idea [5]

In my opinion, having pets is an overall positive practice due to the great psychological advantages enjoyed by owners. You should not use due to here since due to only used for negative intention. Try to say : regarding great psychological advantages ....

As a result, they can make people's house unclean and dirtier.: with respective to grammar, this sentence is oke but about is logical thinking, it is bad.You should use comparative sentence for 2 adj, but it is better for only 1 adj : or dirty or unclean because they support 1 meaning : it is not clean. the task response for body 1 is nice.

However the body 2 has 3 main ideas and none of them were analyzed clearly.
Aug 1, 2022
Writing Feedback / Task 1 : production of vegetables in 5 different countries. [2]

summarise the information from the table

The table compares the amount of 3 different vegetables (potatoes, cabbage and onions) produced in 5 different countries in 2012. Overall, the initial impression is that potatoes are the only product that all five examined nations grew. It can also be seen that China was the largest producer of such vegetables.

In 2012, the quantity of potatoes produced in China was 9214 Mt, which was the highest figure of all countries and more 100 times higher than that of the second highest Ireland (72Mt). Meanwhile, there was a small number of potatoes manufactured in Spain and Brazil, at 2Mt and 3Mt respectively. In terms of Cabbage, the difference can be seen as the second largest manufacturer - Russia produced only roughly 300 Mt fewer than China, 2765 compared to 3187. Additionally, this vegetable was not favored in Brazil with 0 Mt produced.

When it comes to Onions, the similar allocation could be seen as China still occupied the first position in onion production, with the figure at over 2600 Mt. Next in ranking was Russia with an average of 2039 Mt manufactured. In contrast, there was very few onions grown in Ireland and Spain. While the former only accounted for 5 Mt, there was no onions produced in the latter.

Aug 1, 2022
Writing Feedback / Parents expenses on their children's sports and the number of children who participated in 3 sports [5]

First is the wrong of grammar: ... parents spend on children's sports steadily increasing over each years.

==> only increased ( if it is in past tense), this will affect your GRAMMAR SCORE IN IELTS test.
Second is the misbalance between 2 body graph.
Some words can be updated for higher band: In 4 years, from 2010 to 2014, ==> Over a period of 4 years from X to Y.
Plus S to Pound, we have 32 pounds not 32 pound.
You seem to add " ing" and delete it everywhere you like , be careful with that.
Aug 1, 2022
Writing Feedback / Essay about changing jobs or not [4]

Firstly, it is the misbalance of your essay. The opening is quite short. Try to extend your opening: For example :
People have different views about whether individuals should continue their line of work or not. This essay will articulate both views along with my perception. ==> It is observed that people are increasingly wondering about their continuity of work. Then use a while + clause, clause to give 2 views. The last sentence is : This essay will analyze both viewpoints of the phenomenon and the reasons why I advocate the latter or former.

The same with the conclusion: add a recommendation or prediction: IT is predicted that people will be likely to change their job in the future
Jul 30, 2022
Writing Feedback / Task 1: different types of waste disposed of in one country [2]

TWO pie charts ANALYSIS

The 2 pie charts compare 9 categories of waste discarded in a particular country in 1960 and 2011. Overall, the initial impression is the amount of paper, textiles and other which were disposed of fell significantly while there was a considerable increase in the disposed plastic, food and wood. It can also be seen that the figures for glass and green waste remained unchanged.

In 1960, paper accounted for 25% of total disposal, but by 2011, this fell to slightly less than one-sixth. Moreover, the amount of textile experienced a significant drop from 17% to just over a tenth in the particular time frame. In terms of other, its figure in 2011 was three times lower (4%) than it was in 1960 (12%).

In contrast, the proportion of plastic discarded saw a substantial growth from 8% to nearly 1 fifth while the figure for wood was twice as high, at 8% compared to 4%. Another notable increase was in the percentage food thrown away, which by 2011 was nearly double the 1960 figure(12%). In a meantime, the disposal of glass, metal and green waste remained constant, with proportions of approximately 9% for the first two and 5% for the latter

For editing, content, and formatting needs please contact us at essayforum.com@gmail.com. Thank you! EF

Jul 30, 2022
Writing Feedback / The best way to reduce crime is to educate criminals in prison to help them find jobs [4]

Ielts is not a test for vocabulary, try to simplify your words as they do not help you get a higher bandscore but just confuse the examiner with the ZOMBIE words. The second paragraph seems alright as you use the suitable vocabulary but still miss the TR aspect since you have to match the end of the paragraph with your topic sentence. DO not say sth different as this makes your argument lack of evidence and strength of viewpoint. The conclusion should have a sentence for prediction/recommendation.
Jul 30, 2022
Writing Feedback / The government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more money to education. [5]

The essay lacks of cohesion since you use very few conjunctions. This affects your cohesion and cohesive point. In the 1st paragraph, every sentence seems to have no connection with each other: ...connection. As a result, this limits children's ... This is an example. The 2nd paragraph lacks the evidence, specifically the example. You know, the higher the band, the more focus you need to pay on task response and cohesive, however the 2nd is the same as 1st, every sentence does not support each other, they just beat around the bust and not consolidate. Try to have a logic idea before writing
Jul 27, 2022
Writing Feedback / task 1: Pie chart : The question in the picture [4]

spendings in japan and malaysia

The two pie charts illustrate the proportion of household spending in terms of 5 categories in Japan and Malaysia in 2010. Overall, the initial impression is the Japanese and the Malaysian spent most of their money on 3 categories: housing, food and other goods/services. It can also be seen that health care accounted for the least spending in both countries.

In Malaysia households, over a third of citizens' budget went on housing. This figure was higher than that of Japanese, which took up 21% of their total expenditure. Japanese householders pay their largest portion on a range of other goods and services, at 29% of their total spending, which was slightly more than that of the Malaysian. In terms of food, the figures for both nations were similar, at 24% and 27% for Malaysia and Japan respectively.

When it comes to transport, about a fifth of the Japanese householders' money was allocated into this category, which doubled that of the Malaysian. Health care consisted of smallest percentage of total expenditure in both nations, with 6% and 3% for Japan and Malaysia respectively.

Jul 25, 2022
Undergraduate / What are you want to do in the future? What is your dreams? Why can you do it? [3]

Maybe this is not an Ielts writing task 2 but there are stills a lot of mistakes. Firstly, you have misbalanced about the length of the body 1 and 2. Try to balance it with a few supporting sentence for the body 2. Furthermore, in the body 1, you provide 2 ideas, however the 1st one has little prove cuz it only has 1 example. Try to analyse the example and shorten the 2nd idea with the same pattern as the first one, which creates the ez format for readers to follow. Use less "I" in the writing cuz it is not formal, use diverse structure like : passive, That+ clause, complex sentence as well as add more conjunctions
Jul 25, 2022
Writing Feedback / Some people argue that government should spend their money on elderly people's care. However, other [5]

there are a lot of grammatical mistakes in your essay. For example : the first sentence of body 1 you use the complex sentence with 'although', however there is no main clause here. Besides, you have failed to follow the right format of maybe IELTS writing. You should divide your idea into 2 bodies to prove what you want to say. The one before conclusion : according to a statistics (...) enhance a country.

can be used for an example but shorter, and then analyze it to prove what you want to say. If you want to get a good marks, follow youtube or others learning materials to improve or C+C mark
Jul 24, 2022
Writing Feedback / task 1 : The topic was given in the picture (car ownership in the UK) [3]

car ownership in the UK 1975-2005

line graph illustrates the proportion of car ownership in the UK over a period of 30 years from 1975 to 2005. Overall, the initial impression is that the percentage of people possessing 2 and 3 cars showed an upward trend. It can also be seen that having one car was the most common situation during the period given.

In 1975 people having one car accounted for 45% of the car ownership. This was followed by that of no-car owners at around 43%. In the next 10 years, both the categories witnessed a roughly similar trend. While the figure of 1 car experienced a substantial decline to its all-low time of 37%, there was fewer citizens without cars, with its figure dropping to 25%. Toward the end of the period, the proportion of 1-car owners experienced a considerable rebound to its same figure in 1975. Those not using a car, in a meantime, bucked the trend with 3% decrease.

Having 2 and 3 cars made up 7% and 3% respectively at the beginning of the period. Over the following 30 years, the same pattern was evident in those having 2 and 3 cars, with the latter hitting its peak of 17%, the latter peaking at roughly 9%.

Jul 24, 2022
Writing Feedback / Task 2: Today people live away from their friends and family to find a job in other cities. [3]

From my perspective, the essay is good. However, take care of the thesis sentence: the reasons why the merits are greater. This is not a way for you to give your own opinion : instead try to use : the " main idea you want to analyze about the advantage" + outweigh the drawbacks you have mentioned. This does not affected your score overall. Besides, the conclusion is the same with a lot of carelessness. Where is the sentence for prediction or recommendation? One more sentence in the conclusion can also balance your essay a lot. TRY TO IMPROVE
Jul 24, 2022
Writing Feedback / The gap between the rich and the poor countries has become more evident in recent years [5]

In the beginning, you use the wrong grammar : relating to + v-ing. The wrong of grammar will affect badly 1 in 4 criteria of Ielts writing. This was repeated in both the body 1 and 2 : create a high tax impose on the rich, --> imposed not impose, you use an another clause to clarify the previous one but forgetting to add ed or v-ing for the suitability. I think you just need one example in the body 1 and analyse it clearly instead of using 2, which made the readers confused a lot. The conclusion had the same problem with word " widen". Take care of your grammar if you do not want the examiner only consider 3 in 4 criteria with the 0 for the grammar.
Jul 24, 2022
Writing Feedback / Companies are increasingly inclined to adopt offices with open space in lieu of separate rooms [4]

Nowadays, a lot of offices have open-space design instead of separate rooms.

Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

It is observed that several companies are increasingly inclined to adopt offices with open space in lieu of separate rooms for their employees. While this practice could present issues relating to adverse risks to health, I contend that the fostering of closer collaboration among colleagues outweigh the such disadvantages.

On the one hand, working in an open-space environment may leave staff susceptible to contagious disease. As they are situated closer together, a great deal of contact on a daily basis is inevitable. This, in the process, turns out to be a genuine cataclysm to the spread of various pathogens. A case in this point is Corona epidemic disease since companies applying open-space design witnessed a substantial increase in their employees' positive cases which could be alleviated in case of separate rooms. Consequently, their productivity was detrimentally affected, even leaving the companies bankrupted. As it shows, open offices have to confront the health problem.

On the other hand, I believe that its social consolidation may stand a testimony to this innovation. Obviously, congregating in the same room could create ample opportunities for staff to converse with each other. This, therefore, could foster great inclusion in that employees could confide their troubles to their colleague as well as solve their problems relating to workload. A plethora of large companies nowadays divide their human resource into such major brand as Marketing or Administrative where specialized staff could work together in a large space. By that way the firms could not only engender better social relations but also contend with problems systematically.

In conclusion, while applying open-space design to offices instead of separate rooms could face with several downsides, these are outweighed by the stimulation of collaboration and inclusion between employees. It is predicted that separate rooms will be phased out to make room for the open-space environment.
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