Undergraduate / Grandparents had spent great portion of their hard earned saving to buy house and car for their son [3]

Good afternoon :)

I think this is a good response to the prompt. You are very organized, with a clean and definite introduction, body, and conclusion. Your content acknowledges and responds to the prompt very clearly. Make sure you are using spaces properly between your punctuation and your words; for instance, "...uncle,hoping to..." should be "...uncle, hoping to..."

Also, make sure your subjects and verbs agree, and they are in the same tense. For instance, "...are looking after them as they aged." should be "...are looking after them as they age."

"emphasis" should be "emphasize"

Make sure you are using proper linking and transitory words. For instance, "..who able to inspire..." should be "...who are able to inspire..."

Go back through your piece and look for other instances such as these; with a little polishing you'll be ready to submit in no time!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / 'Curiosity in mathematics and science' - University of Rochester [2]

"The education facilities there provide stellar academic programs related to the sciences in a cordial environment. Should I decide to major in computer science, the University of Rochester College of Arts Sciences and Engineering would be able to provide me with research opportunities and internships for aspiring programmers like myself."

Where did you find the information contained in this section? You should be able to integrate the source somewhere near this statement.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Dissertations / Field of Linguistics, anyone? [6]

I absolutely do. Try to get as much English exposure as you can. Do you have anything like a "language cafe" where you are? These are places where immersion in the language is required; everyone in the establishment is required to speak the target language (usually English) and this creates sort of a "language pool" for non-native speakers to dive into.

Keep trying! Best of luck!

Undergraduate / International Youth Leadership Forum travel - UC Essay prompt #2 [3]

Good afternoon :)

I believe you have answered the prompt effectively. You describe the experience as well as your transformation during it. You explain why it was important, and how it relates to the person you are now, after it. I think it is a fine answer!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / "Born in Peru" - Need Help On Personal Statement Prompt #1 [9]

Very nice!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / "6th grade incident" - UC transfer. Prompt #2 [2]

I don't think it's a bad example to use; on the contrary, it obviously made an impact, causing you to think of it so many years later. It shows how you turned a bad choice and a difficult "phobia" into success, and proves you can do what you want when you set your mind to it. If you rewrite your sentences to remove the "yous" and conjunctive words, your tone and voice will change and be stronger, more active, as structurally many of those sentences will have to be rewritten to acknowledge the changes. You'll see a drastic impact in the piece when you're finished! Keep up the hard work!

Book Reports / The book Ishmael - An Idea on a thesis and introduction [8]

Good afternoon :)

Is this the one by Daniel Quinn? That's what I'm assuming, anyway :)

How about starting with something broad, such as the main thesis of Quinn's book. Something like how it is difficult for any species or tribe (in this case the human race) to be aware of their myth because it is so deeply rooted in every facet of civilization, and that it is difficult for anyone to effectively "point it out" because they too are part of the myth.

Then, what about saying something about the theory that humans are on the final step of evolution, and that humans are destined to rule, using that as the foundation for taking the lives of anything that stands in the way of that "evolution," including the environment itself (through global warming, etc.)

The key to the thesis is that it should be almost all-encompassing and broad in the beginning, and gradually dwindle down in scope until you come to the actual statement, which should be a sentence or two. Perhaps you should fill in your outline more before writing the thesis so that you know what you will be including; perhaps that will help you identify an undercurrent theme.

Best of luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / 'self respecting male' - common app essay for princeton [4]

Excellent! This is a wonderful answer to the prompt. You do a great job of explaining the dance, why you do it, a fantastic example, and an appropriate conclusion. Except for the few errors I corrected, I wouldn't change a thing! Nice work!

Undergraduate / WPI Short Answers-Need revise & critic [3]

Good afternoon :)

Here are my thoughts in regards to the first essay. "However, I have set up my goal to study economics since my secondary school." This sentence should be removed because as it is now it is not relevant to the piece and you don't provide any follow through. Link this better to the rest of your essay or remove it.

I think this piece is a good answer to the prompt. You describe how your childhood shaped your dreams, and why you are interested in economics.

In regards to the second piece, please see the comments I have already made on it.

In regards to the third essay, make sure you are using adequate linking and transition words. For instance, "That happened when I participated in the experimental activity of urban drinking supplies" should be "That is what happened when I participated in the experimental activity of urban drinking supplies. "

You do a good job of answering the prompt with details about the project and how it changed you as a person.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Paper about ISA. My teacher said my paper is unorganized. [2]

The main thing about organization is that each subject you want to talk about should have its own paragraph. To better illustrate this, try making an outline. Make each subject your really want to talk about its own line; then, list the story or detail you want to use which illustrates that point. When you have listed all of your subjects, jot down your conclusion, which should include all of the main points you wrote about in your outline. The conclusion should reiterate and wrap up what you wrote in the piece.

I hope this helps!

Writing Feedback / Essay about bad effects of the internet on students [2]

Good afternoon :)

In regards to meaning, there is no difference between "internet" and "the internet." "The" is an article adjective used in English to indicate a subject, thus it is placed in front of nouns (i.e. "internet").

"Some people believe that the InternetThis is not a proper noun and shouldn't be capitalized. has a positive impact on students by providing a variety of resources for their studies. However, I strongly disagree with that claim since the internet brings some negative effects on students such as internet addicts and the increased reliance on the internet in regards to homework.

First, many students are becoming addicted to the Internet. They spend more and more time playing computer games or just surfing the net without any particular reason . Accordingly, the time they spend on studying is automatically reduces , which in turn causes lower academic achievement. Moreover, some of them go to the extreme, becoming serious internet addicts, and they even refuse to go to school as they cannot escape from the trap of the internet.

Second, the internet hinders students from doing their homework or assigned tasks on their own. Thanks to the internet, students can obtain the information they need with a great ease by simply clicking the button. However, this great accessibility to any kind of information can be abused. For instance, when students are given an assignment, what many of them do is just go on websites or blogs where the seemingly needed information is posted, and drag, copy, and paste it without looking the material thoroughly later. This is called "plagiarism," and is illegal. Some students even just download the material which someone else has already done and submit it as if it were their own work.

It is clear that the internet has serious detrimental effects on students. For one thing, students are so vulnerable to becoming addicted to the internet. Additionally, they do their homework not with their own efforts but with the entire dependence on internet resources. Thus, young students should use internet with great caution to prevent any harmful effects."

Very nice job. You make some very good points, and your introduction and conclusion are very clear and concise. Good work.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / For advice: Account of my experience [4]

"My three years in senior high school have witnessed my participation in various activities, but the most impressed goes to April 2007 when my class, 06IB(2), designed and prepared the "Annual Award Ceremony for Honor Students". It is significant for me because it contributed much to my patience, thoroughness, responsibility, and resolution.

My class was responsible for the whole operation of that event and I took the job of preparing thescenesWhat do you mean by "scenes"? Do you mean backdrops for the stage? , decorations and flowers. Since it is just a student activities, we are short of fund.Since this was a student sponsored activity, we were short of funds. I had to manage to buy what we needed within the limited budget. I almost fell into despair when I found myself so inexperienced; I did not know any cloth manufacturer or florists;how was I to complete this task within the given time? Facing such difficulties, I did hesitate, but I finally convinced myself to live up to my classmates' expectations . I tried to find as many cloth manufacturers as possible and compare their prices; none were to my satisfaction. Fortunately, one of my friends' parents dealt in theclothing business, so I tried to communicate with them, but they were not very interested in us because the price we could offer was too low for them. Finally, I came up with the idea that we would provide them with an opportunity to advertise on our campus. They eventually agreed to sponsor our activities with the clothes we needed.

This successful purchase built up my confidence but the transportation of the clothing put me into another dilemma. How could I arrange transportation? After wandering around the market for an hour, I came across a small florist shop. I negotiated with the boss and finally he agreed to deliver both flowers and the clothes to us.

During the whole process, I came to realize the importance of patience in communication. In addition, I also realized only persistence can lead us through difficulties until we reach the final success. All the benefits I reaped from this experience can accompany me all my life and help to prove me a valuable asset."

Very nice job! Some mechanical corrections, but your meaning and content are great. Keep up the hard work!

Writing Feedback / For revision or suggestions: The activity I like most [5]

Absolutely :) I suggest one of the books from the "Prentice Hall Guide for College Writers" series written by Stephen Reid. You can pick any of them up cheap used, or get them from the library. I think there are six in the series now, and any of them would help you here. Another one that is great for specifics is the Little, Brown, Compact Handbook by Jane E. Aaron. This one is more thorough and costs a bit more, and I'm not sure if you can find it in the library, but it is definitely worth it.

Best of luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / I need strategies in writing an analogy [2]

Good afternoon :)

An analogy is the thinking process of transferring characteristics of your source item to another subject, your target. To be even more precise, an analogy is an inference or an argument from one item or subject to another item or subject, as opposed to a deduction, where at least one of the ideas or conclusion is general. or the conclusion is general. In terms of writing, a simile is an expressed analogy, while a metaphor is an implied one. The simile uses "like" or "as" to make the comparison, while the metaphor "just is."

Depending on your subject(s) matter(s), the way to go about writing the piece will differ. You could start out by identifying their similarities and write out a comparison outline. How are they the same? Why? What is the purpose of their similarities? Another way could be to write a piece discussing the the source and target as a simile or a metaphor. Without knowing the specifics of your assignment, it is difficult for me to provide more detailed assistance.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / A successful college campus - Lehigh Second Supplement [2]

I think this is a great response. You answer all facets of the prompt thoroughly, and your example is great. If your word count is what's making you want to shorten it, perhaps you can cut out a little of the detail as to the fair. If not, I wouldn't touch it at all!

Great work!

Dissertations / Field of Linguistics, anyone? [6]

You're right in that no one can turn "genius" over night. Perhaps you have not found your most effective learning style. Some students learn best by reading, others by hearing lectures, and yet others by writing down notes. A suggestion for you to try; see if you can find out what kind of learner you are. Do you absorb best when you hear information? What about seeing it written down? What about if you write it down yourself, as you do when taking notes? Or better yet, what about associating "doodles" with your information? For instance, do you doodle when you think, or listen to lectures? If so, this might be the most effective path for you to choose. Use the "chunking" method of memorization; that is, associate information in groups and relate it to something else; a picture, a sound, a memory. For instance; the best way to remember that a verb describes an action is to associate the word "verb" with the word "vibrate," which is motion. Thus, verb=vibrate=motion, leading you to remember that a verb=motion.

What about music? Do you study best when listening to music? Learning style studies have shown that we best remember information when the environment is very close to that which it was when the information entered out brains. For instance, if you listen to music when you study, you should try to listen to the same music when you take your tests (if possible).

What about movement? Try walking around, eating, chewing gum, or playing with a "koosh-ball" or other object when you study. Likewise, try to repeat this behavior when you take your tests.

Try some of these things while you work; some will help you, others won't. Don't get discouraged quickly if you don't find your "magic button." Everyone has it, but some people go their whole lives not knowing what works for them.

In regards to learning the language, English is one of the most difficult languages to master; you won't get it overnight, and the only way you're going to improve is to keep working with it. I took three years of German and didn't have a full grasp of it until I went to Germany and was immersed in it; it really didn't have meaning until I was "living" it. That's the secret to learning a language; "living" it. Academic writing is even more difficult because it is so strict and formal; you really do have to mean exactly what you are saying so that there is very little room for "creative interpretation." Again, the only way to get more familiar with it is to jump right in.

As to your professor's lack of tact with you and accusing you of not doing the work, some people are just jerks, including professors. One thing that is important to do is to take a step back and ask yourself if this person did this because they believe you are capable of great things, and they are making things "more difficult" for you because they expect more? Perhaps your instructor thinks that "tough love" will push you to work harder, or that you are on the cusp of something profound? That is more often than not the stance many professors take. Take a step back and try really hard not to take it personally.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / 'study group' - aspiration for my life - UC Prompt #1#2 [4]

This is a very "epiphany"-like essay. It seemed very parallel to Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol." Scrooge wakes up one a day a changed man, able to see things he never saw before; that is what this piece sounds like to me. A very sunny, hopeful answer. Good work!

Undergraduate / For UC transfer essay, some questions. [4]

Sounds great!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / "Born in Peru" - Need Help On Personal Statement Prompt #1 [9]

Good afternoon :)

What if you put in something like this:

Born in Peru, I came to the United States when I was seven. Armed with only two words ("Hello" and "Good-Bye"), I braved the uncertainties of a complex, new environment.

In my life there have been many obstacles and challenges I had to go through. I came to America ten years ago with my parents; it was rough to leave Peru, the place I was born and raised in; but I came to America to get a better life, education, and to live the American Dream, which to me is to me is be able to become successful, have a great paying job, a nice automobile, and a loving family. I am going to get there by finishing college and then obtaining a good job that I am interested in and that challenges me. What I want to do with my education is be able to go to one of the best colleges in California and choose a good major that I can live with and enjoy once I am done with college. This will help me get a better life because I will have a job that I am going to enjoy and cherish as well as being able to support my parents in return for everything that they have went through just to make sure I am successful. With my family by my side I know everything will work out somehow. I could not have made it this far without them. By having positive influences near me and the desire to pursue a better education I had the strength I needed to continue in a higher level of education.

During my short life, I have experienced many situations such as having the fear to talk in front of a crowd or present my project in front of the class; I managed to get through it with the support of my teachers and friends.

Now, to attach onto your last sentence, you can (in one or two short sentences) describe a time in which your friends and teachers supported you through a tough time. Then we'll build from there.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / to expand my knowledge - FSU essay, opinions and suggestions on improvement [2]

You have a very good essay here; a few structural/mechanical suggestions, but you answer the prompt effectively. You discuss each aspect of the philosophy and give good examples of how they are apparent in your life. Keep up the good work!

Essays / Social Problem Solution Research Paper for a computer class [5]

Good afternoon :)

What kinds of social problems interest you? Hunger, AIDS, cancer, gangs? Darfur, animal rights? What is something that you what to know more about?

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / "Mi casa es tu casa" - Common Application- Personal Statement [3]

Good evening :)

I think you have done a fantastic job answering this prompt. You have described the experience very vividly; your introduction will definitely get your reader's interest, and the story progresses very fluidly. You describe how this experience makes you proud, and you relate it to the person you are now, while reflecting on the person you were before and during the trip. Your conclusion is very appropriate and ties the whole piece together. I wouldn't change anything. Great work.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Global Warming Phenomenon- Research Paper [5]

Good evening :)

The thing about a paper such as this is that it has to be equally balanced; for each thing that is a "proof" of global warming you have to make sure to present its contradiction. For instance, if you say something like some scientists think that the increase in CO2 emissions is largely from humans, you would have to present the flip side to that, that other scientists say that the CO2 emitted from a single volcanic eruption is greater than human CO2 emissions in one year (for example). The best way to do this, I think, is to start with an outline. First list all of the things you know you want to talk about (for either side) and then list each argument for/against each point. Then you will have a visual layout of your paper before you write it, and you can make sure that it is fair and balanced. That way, no one can say that you are either for or against global warming because you have presented informative data and reasoning to both sides.

I hope this helps!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Teenagers and alcohol essay - help revise or offer suggestions: [2]

Good evening :)

First, avoid contractions in formal academic writing; for instance, "It's" should be "It is."

Second, make sure your punctuation is included within your quotation marks.

Third, perhaps "illusion" isn't the right word; how about "hallucinations"?

Fourth, make sure you are capitalizing proper nouns and the first words of sentences only. For instance, "Regulations on Alcoholics Circulation" shouldn't be capitalized.

Do you mean "no longer a social problem"?

In regards to content, the points you make are very poignant. Your organization is great and you use great transitions between sentences and ideas. Your introduction is definitely a good "hook" and your conclusion ties everything up neatly. Your tone and voice are both much stronger and assured than in previous pieces. Very nice work.

Writing Feedback / For revision or suggestions: The activity I like most [5]

Good evening :)

A few thoughts. First, avoid contractions in formal academic writing, as they are inappropriate. For instance, "I'm" should be "I am."

Make sure you are capitalizing only proper nouns and the first words of sentences. As such, "Running Competition" shouldn't be capitalized.

When using quotation marks, make sure that you always include your punctuation inside of your quotes. For instance, "my aim". should be "my aim."

Make sure you stay in the same tense throughout the piece. In your sentence "By devoting all efforts, I quicken my steps to surpass others with faster arm swing" is in the present tense, whereas the rest of your sentence is in past tense. Also, what do you mean by "Gradually, majority hardly followed the group but only a few after two thirds of our distance"? This is a confusing sentence.

Make sure your subjects and verbs agree throughout your piece. For example, "...my classmates' supports and smiles" should be "...my classmates' support and smiles" because "supports" is the wrong form of the word as it is used here.

In regards to content, this is a very good short descriptive piece; it tells a good story without too many details, has a catchy intro and a conclusion that wraps it up. Good work!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / For UC transfer essay, some questions. [4]

Good evening :)

In the second essay, you can write about anything that is important to you; it does not have to involve your intended major. I think writing about your volunteer work is the better choice, because it can show many facets of your personality. For example, you can illustrate your dedication to your community (which will eventually be the campus community), your hard work, your dedication, and your willingness to help with others. This topic will give you a much rounder venue in which to present yourself versus the singular topic about music.

Best of luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / Passionate Art Student's PS for UC! Learn about a foreign kid's experience!! [7]

Good evening :)

In regards to the first essay, while it is an interesting piece, I don't think it answers their prompt. It seems they want to know how you got interested in your major, how that interest flourished, and how you grew as a person as a result of your involvement with a group related to your chosen major. While winning awards is impressive, it doesn't really speak to your growth as a person or your interest in your specific subject area. Try to focus on that if you decide to rewrite.

In regards to the second piece, it is a much more appropriate response to the prompt. You describe the things that make you proud, and then relate them to yourself as you see you now; very nice.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Dissertations / Field of Linguistics, anyone? [6]

Good evening :)

First of all, I know from personal experience that the Masters degree process is difficult and it is very frustrating at times. Before I was published in order to graduate I don't know how many times I shed tears of sheer frustration. Keep your head up and know that when you doget to the other side (because you will) that you will look back at this time and realize how far you have come; you will feel much more proud and will hold your head up higher.

Did your instructor give you any other specifics besides "grave?" If you would like to post a piece of your text here I can take a look at it and make suggestions as to what I see. Is it mechanics (grammar, syntax, etc.) or is it content (course material)?

Don't quit; you've come so far.

Undergraduate / "Norwalk Titans football team" - UC Prompt #2 In need of revision [5]

Good evening :)

I have edited the first section and provided some general comments in regards to the rest of the piece:

"I joined the Norwalk Titans football team without knowing the consequences. I was involved in strenuous training where my limits would be pushed above their maximum. Compared to the other players, I was not as good when it came to exercising. However, the coaches did not notice my versatility until the time came to try out for positions in the team. My early flag football years and independent training with my dad gave me the ability to play different positions effectively. Therefore, I was chosen to be one of the leaders for the Norwalk Titans. Whenever the stakes were high and the chances of winning were slim, I was looked upon to raise the morale. My first year in tackle football changed my personality and helped me build skills for my future life."

...the "O ne man team." This shouldn't be capitalized.

and the person I have become . This should be "the person I became."

I'm not sure whether it is a good response to the prompt or not because you didn't include the prompt, but it does have a good intro and conclusion; your body sticks to your topic, and all of your sentences stay on topic as well.

I hope this helps.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / "The alphabet I know consists of only seven letters." -UC statement pr 2 [2]

Good evening :)

I have edited one section of your piece and then provided some general comments in regards to the remainder of it:

"At the age of six I began running my fingers over the black and white keys. Piano playing has not always been a passion of mine. During my third year of musical studies I developed a strong dislike for the daunting instrument. My simple joy for " Mary Had a Little Lamb" morphed into disgust for the chaos of noise entitled " Fur Elise." My eyes could not believe the number of musical notes that fit onto so few pages."

Other than that, I think you have a wonderful piece. It is grammatically clean and well organized, a fine response to the prompt.
Nice work.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / Personal Statement: biochemistry in your University [3]

Good evening :)

The first thing I notice about your piece is that it has a very weak, passive voice; this is the opposite of what you want in your writing, especially in admissions essays. You need to make sure that your tone and voice are both very confident and active. For instance, the first sentence begins with "I hope..."; this is not stepping forward with your best foot. Instead, try something like this: "By following a degree program in biochemistry at your university I will sharpen my knowledge in the field of the natural sciences, especially experiment related subjects." This is both active and strong, showing that you are a confident person who knows you want to get into this institution. Once you look over your piece again and rework it so that you are a the one carrying out the action in the piece instead of the observer on the receiving end, it will be a much stronger, more effective piece.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / "my life is prepared for all methods" - UC Prompt #1 [3]

I like your essay; your intro is catchy and your conclusion ties things up nicely. Your content is detailed enough to keep your audience's attention, and with a little polishing I think you'll be just fine!

Undergraduate / International student to apply Tesol - Statement of Purpose [2]

I'm not really sure about the content of your essay. Have you been to college already and majored in English education, or is that what you wish to do in the future? What does the scholarship have to do with the rest of your essay?

My main concern here is grammar and mechanics. It is difficult to decipher your meaning because of the grammatical issues. To help with this, I suggest one of the books from the "Prentice Hall Guide for College Writers" series written by Stephen Reid. You can pick any of them up cheap used, or get them from the library. I think there are six in the series now, and any of them would help you here. Or, there are many free online grammar guides that can assist you; type in "help with English grammar" in your internet search engine and you will get tons of information.

I hope this helps!

Undergraduate / 'looking to become a computer engineer' - Rutgers University Admission [5]

Good evening :)

I agree; the writing pieces are the non-verbal communication link that really express what type of person you are and what type of student you will be. It is an extension of how you will be a campus community member, and really another way to let those "in power" know you. It's always better to show initiative and how you are a hard worker to those who guard the gates :)

Undergraduate / UCF essay about family dinner [2]

Good afternoon :)

I have edited the first section and then made some more general comments in regards to the remainder of the piece:

"Not many high school students transfer schools at the midpoint of their sophomore year. The transition from a large public high school to a small private school was more than nerve-racking. I'veAvoid using contractions in formal academic writing, as they are inappropriate. arrived at the conclusion that diversity is essential in any community, especially colleges. Born in a multicultural melting pot like Miami, it's pretty safe to say I'm not yourAvoid using the pronouns "you" and "your" in formal writing; try using "me," "I," or "one" instead. "average Joe". The son of a Frenchman and a Cuban refugee, I grew up eating arroz con pollo for lunch and crępes for dessert. My entire childhood was like one magnificent feast, an experience I will never forget."

What does all of the detail about the dog have to do with how you will contribute to the diversity of the UCF community?

I really like the conclusion paragraph, as that is the first place where you really talk about diversity and how it impacts your life. That should be the centerpiece of your essay; try to shift the focus to that rather than all of the minute details about the dinner, as that's not the focus of the prompt.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / "Playing with my Yoshi doll and making new friends" - UC Prompt #1 [6]

In regards to content, I'm not sure really where you are going with it. In the introduction you talk about poverty, leading your audience to believe that this will be discussed in the paper, and never mention it again. Likewise, you don't really discuss your goals and your parents' drive for you to be what they want you to be in your introduction, yet that makes up the bulk of the content in your essay. Make sure that you stick to your topic throughout your paper and don't include things that aren't necessary to your topic.

Undergraduate / UC Prompt 1, My life at a boarding school [6]

Good afternoon :)

Thank you for clearing that up; if I made that error, it is probable that another would do so also :)

Sure:

"A tear trickledPast tense form of "trickle." down my face knowing that my parents will soonPresent/future tense-"will." Should be "would." fly back to the U.S, leaving me and my brother behind to get an education at Colonel Brown Cambridge School."

I would change it to something like "twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week" just for the sake of formality.

I hope this helps!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / 'I wanted to become a Veterinarian' - Inspiration at the Kennel [38]

Good evening.

You wouldn't capitalize accountant, or secretary; therefore veterinarian shouldn't be capitalized either. They are not proper nouns. You wouldn't capitalize accounting department, medical office, or dental program; therefore, pre-veterinarian medicine shouldn't be capitalized. They are not proper nouns.

"Wasn't" is bold because it is a contraction and they are inappropriate in formal academic writing.

You need to link working in the kennel more with your career field choice; as it is now, they seem like two separate subjects, thus creating the feel of two separate essays. You need to show how they relate to each other.

I hope this helps!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Essays / Good Entrance / Application Essay - how long should it be? [11]

It really depends on the institution; some will disregard it immediately if it doesn't fall within their posted guidelines; others, as long as it keeps the readers interest, will disregard its length. It really depends on the reader and the institution's procedures. I would say that anywhere between 600 and 900 words is an acceptable length. It is long enough to get a good deal of information through to the audience, but not too long as to lose their attention or take up too much of their time. It's best to say the most in the least amount of space regardless of the occasion.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Faq, Help / Is it safe to post my essay here? Or should I be worried about Plagiarism? [175]

Good afternoon :)

There is never a guarantee when you post any type of material online that it won't be used for unauthorized purposes; that is the risk you take when placing your material online. The best way to protect yourself if you choose to post information, is to make sure to use your real information when posting. Many colleges (not all) do check for plagiarism using online resources, thus, they would be checking it electronically.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com