Writing Feedback / college education is necessary in the U.S society [2]

Hi all
This is my practice writing, please make any corrections. Thanks you for your time
Topic: do you think college education is necessay for success the U.S society?
Response:
Almost all people determine to succeed and endeavor to reach their goal. For example, some people, after finishing high school, look for a job because they might think that this is the shortest way for them to save up. Others believe that college education prepares them a solid knowledge base of any careers; hence, they will choose to pursue higher education before starting their jobs. Although those people may delay their working many years later, they will have more chance of success than of those who don't possess a college degree. Therefore, I truly believe that college education is necessary for success in the U.S society.

First of all, almost high-paid salary jobs require a college degree. Even though, some employers may announce that a few years of job experience can be equivalence with a college degree. In fact, when they view the applications, they would have more interest on applicants with having college degree than of those who don't. Besides, many professional organizations often require supporting documents such as introduction letter, letter of purpose, or resume rather than a single sheet filled-out application, and college level candidates would have more a chance of calling for an interview because they already master the writing techniques in their class. In the same way, they also learn about how to get impressed to interviewers as well.

Secondly, having college education would be an advance for people at work. They understand and master methodologies and concepts before coming into practicing. When two workers, for example, operate their machines, and all of a sudden, these machines break down and stop working. Eventually, a college level person would probably know what's wrong with the machine, and he even has ideas of how to handle the problem before coming for a machine checkup. At the same time, the other worker, without having mechanical education, would fumble hours through the machine, checking for a defect. This implies that higher education would help a person solve problem quickly and effortlessly. Furthermore, if a company offers training class or project to employees, people with former education are likely would be the faster learners. Obviously, their high performance would help them having a promotion at work.

Some opponents claim that a non-college study person could successfully hold a high position at work. This is quite true to some extent; however, this person has to spend twice as much time as compared with educated people. He might suspend his precious time with family and friends and skip many enjoyable activities in order to complete his work. Ultimately, he would slowly ebb away his relationships and lose his own pleasurable time. And even worse, when a company has a downtime, he is likely getting in a laid-off list. To illustrate, a casher has been working at a retail store for ten years could be promoted for a manager position. Yet, a new graduate in management degree could be paid the same salary range with a ten years working person.

There are some other ways to become success such as learning from life experience or working hard to manage a better life; however, if people choose to follow these ways, they have to be tough planners or born talented, or else, they would easily trip off the plans. Although some people feel that college study can be wasted time in life, having standard foundation of knowledge is a necessary part for one's success.

Letters / 'in order to be a successful educator...' - One paragraph of mine introduce letter [3]

Dear all, this is my one of the paragraphs from my previous introduced letter. However, please help me with this. Thanks so much for time

Shortly after my graduation, I was looking for a teaching job that best fitted my education and experience. Fortunately I was hired by the XX High School District as a student attendant position for two years. This job made me realizes that in order to be a successful educator, besides my education and experience, I need to bring a great deal of passion in it. My career path shifted when left the job for my child-bearing for a short period of time. However, I was fortunate hired by the Alum Rock School District as a para-educator II and have been working for them ever since.

Letters / school records specialist-cover letter [6]

Please help me with my cover letter- this is a serious job; the job that I have always dreamt of. They require the knowlege of data entry and working in school environment, which I'm qualify for both, but I don't know how to express in a cover letter.

Dear Human Resource Director:

I am interested in a student records specialist position at your school district. Upon my first year at -------University, I worked at ------company as a general clerk, including account receivable for part-time. It took me three years fishing my bachelor of art degree in mathematics at --- University. After my graduation, -----company offered me a full time job until the company was moved recently. Beginning of my sixth year at----company, I reduced my time to 30 hours a week because I want to see for a different working environment. Fortunately I was hired to work for -----school district as a classroom special aide. The more I am exposed with school environment, the more I feel interested about it.

----company served as a nonprofit organization for the elderly, and I was able to manage over two thousand client confidential records. I interviewed them upon their registration to determine if they were qualified to be a member. I worked financially with the funeral house in case if my clients have no beneficiary. I helped fill out paper work and housing related, translated, and contacted a social agency if needed. As an account receivable, I used Excel spreadsheet to keep record for each client as well as use it to send out monthly billing statement. General office work such as data entry, filing, schedule meeting were also part of my duties Meanwhile, working as a part-time para-educator completely drives me to a very different way. I work daily in a special classroom with autistic children. From this job, I have been realized that helping people with mentally need is much harder than helping people with physically need. However, I take pleasure on the job seeing my students have their hard time at the beginning at school year and be able to meet their goals at the end of the year; it is a big reward for me seeing my students making progress. Working at school environment not only it gives me a chance to meet young people but also it allows me to talk to principal, school teachers, speech therapy, OT, and others professions in order to conduct a better learning.

With my rich experiences and education, I believe I will be a positive addition to------ school district. I am looking forward to the opportunity to contribute my qualifications. If you have any other available position vacancies or any additional information with on my qualifications, please contact me at ---- or my cell ------. Thank you very much for your consideration.

Respectfully,

Kathy Hinh
Enclosure: Résumé

Writing Feedback / People, events that change the way you're thinking [4]

Topic: persons, events that change the way you thinking?how?
Essay:

"We had an agreement before our marriage, do you remember?" I continued on, "our family is included you and I and our children." My voice was heavy saying each word. "But I am theirs only son, how could I say no." "Besides, they had financially helped us with this house's down payment", he went on. "Ok! They might move in and stay until I save up to pay back my debt." I finished my sentence, slammed the door, and darted out, leaving my husband with a soft sighing. That was the conversation two years ago between my husband and me when we had a disagreement about letting my parents-in-law move in to live with us. Two years later, I quickly recognized how wrong I was when I initially though living with parents-in-law is a burden and would limit my living freedom.

As soon as my parents-in-law moved in, I had an attitude against them. I talked to them only when I was asked and avoided them as much as possible. I guess my parents-in-law recognized how I felt when I looked into their sad eyes. Despite my behavior, they treated me appropriately in their smart way, especially the mother. She engaged me in conversation, trying to avoid closed-ended questions; rather, she often started with "How do you ..." or "what do you think about...", for example. At first, I reluctantly answered in short statement, but gradually my loquacious personality was revealed, confiding in her any problem that would bother me, looking for her useful advice.

I was not only felt comfortable in speaking with my parents-in-law but also appreciated them for sharing chores in the house. My father-in-law vacuumed at least once a week, washed the dishes, and watered the garden. Since they had moved in, my canned-foods were eliminated, substituting with variety of fresh products which benefit our health significantly. My mother-in-law and I, both were sharing the cooking, but most of the time my mother-in-law was in charge, and I was her helper. Most importantly that was not only our meals tasted better and healthier, but the comfortable atmosphere it gave at dinner time. My children were no longer flopped in the couch with pizzas in their hands and eyes on the television. My husband kicked the habit of eating dinner while working with his computer. The kids prepared the table, and we all ate in our dining room and shared information during the day. Eventually, we showed our children the value of family and taught them respecting parents as they grow old. Through these conversations, I learned what had happened to my children and could be able to help with their trouble.

I haven't thanked enough to my parents-in-law for their physical and financial helps. I just have been noticed that they are now parts of my life, like my husband and children. They often take a weekend-get-away, so that my husband and I and our children have a private time together. However, their absences are not necessary to me anymore but remind me of how important they are in our family. I realize how selfish and shallow I was when not included parents as family members. I have learned not only the idea of giving back to my parents in exchange for their cares and conditional love, but also of deriving from them a sense of spirit.

I'm not often starting my essay with dialogue. This practice essay is my first time to try writing differently the way I write. Please give me any comments on it. I'm preciated for your help

Writing Feedback / What changes should be made in U.S public education? [3]

Please check my grammars, word choices, paragraphs, punctuations, and many other errors. Any reader's suggestions would be great help for my writing. Thanks

Topic: If you are granted changes in U.S public education, what would they be?
Answer:

Although public education in the U.S is considered one of the best educational systems in the world, our rate of school poor performance is high in compared with other countries. Our students are lack of motivation in learning. So if I am asked to make changes in the U.S public education, I would add school tuition from K-12 as well as reward students with best average grades. These new changes would help them to perform better at school and foster a sense of competition.

Many parents glance at the changes and may disagree with them, worrying how they could afford tuition for their children. However, in order to maintain education's availability for everyone, the new law would also lower parents' deduction on their paychecks. Besides, school payment can be credited on parents' income tax return. This guarantees that the new law is not an economic burden for parents; rather it offers them an opportunity sharing their responsibility to the community. They must be aware that their money would be wasted if their children drop out of school. Therefore, the tuition motivates parents contribute more time helping their children at home with school works.

In addition to having the school fee, the new law is also supporting schools giving cash or other kinds of financial rewards to students who have 3.9 or 4.0 GPA. The idea, at first, may seem turning students into unabashed capitalists too early in life. Nevertheless, it intends to encourage young people excel academically. In some developed countries, parents need to pay their children's education, and at early age, the children in those countries acknowledge that going to school is their privilege and so is their duty. Therefore, they show a great degree of success at school.

Some people would assume that educational incentive can create competition and might cause of school stress for young students. Indeed, competition boosts their energy and prepares students ahead of time. Recently, analysis shows that the vast majority America's top high school science competitors are the children of new immigrants. This little information reflects that those students who either born in the U.S or emigrate from other countries have been well-trained to work hard at school while native students haven't recognized its importance. If they do not prepare to be competitive, they will soon hit with the high achievers and get left behind, suffering from academic failures.

In essence, the changes might be new to some parents and students, but they are practical in many countries in the world with a great success. It is time to introduce to our students the old concept that they may not know: any hard work is rewarding. Realizing how important competition is, students will be more productive at school. After all, paying for college is agreeable, so why wouldn't we apply the same policy for K-12.

Writing Feedback / "My fortunate life" - childhood experience affects to people's life [4]

Please help me with this essay, somehow I feel my word choice is not advanced enough for college level. Thanks
Prompt: Many childhood experiences leave lifelong impressions on people. Write an essay in which you describe a memorable childhood experience and explain its effect on your life.

Response:

Often that childhood experiences affect greatly to people's thinking and to the way they behave in their adulthoods. Although I had faced an extremely difficult time when I was young, I have perceived many positive aspects of life from my experience when I grow up. My ancestors were anchored in a small village in Vietnam. My grandparents gave birth to ten children. One lost in the war, and some died of illness mistreatment. Before my mother turned twenty, illness had pulled her parents to their graves, leaving her five younger siblings to take care of. Two years later, my mother married a young lieutenant, my father, and this generous man helped to support her brother and sisters. However, fortunate star didn't smile to my mother for so long. A crisis came along when the communist took over the South Vietnam, forced my father to the reeducated camp site, leaving my misfortunate mother four months pregnant with me.

Our living condition was hard after the event. My mother, uncle, aunts, and I had to live in a hut without electricity or running water. We had only one bamboo bed for my younger aunts and I, and the others had to sleep in a mat on the floor. None of my aunts and uncle could afford for high school's tuition, and they were forced to labor at their teens. I still remember vividly our hut's roof, made by palm and coconut leaves that would be needed to replace before each raining season. How I could forget waking up at night when the water dropped on my face because of the leaking on the roof. Money was not plenty in our home, and we often had to fear what tomorrow might bring. Playing doll and electric toys were not existed. I could only dare to dream about having a big feast tomorrow.

Living in poverty during my childhood had taught me well to value for what I have. While other people complain life in the U.S is so tough and stressed, I am always grateful to be given a chance working on a risk-free environment and having health insurance coverage, as well as having other benefits. Best of all, I am working in teaching career, which is my best interest. Yet, I am not earning plenty from my job but satisfying with my daily occurrence.

In addition to my childhood life, I am fortunate to have a dedicated mother, who had worked deadly in the rice field in order to get me a proper education, and who constantly reminded me how education is important to one's life. Her words have always traveled with me, "hard working and education are the core of success." Despite the fact that I had only two years of high school and couldn't understand English in first year, I graduated high school with honor and achieved my four-year degree. I accomplished my goals not because I was a super smart or talented person, but because I strived hard to succeed and did my best.

Whenever I meet my obstacles in life, and I am tempted to withdraw, I try to remember my old days. Those days remind me of how fortunate of my current life and also of many children in the world who live in poor condition and work in risk zone.

Writing Feedback / Several short breaks v.s long break in schools [2]

Hi all! please take your time to comment, edit, and revise my essay. I really need help to improve my writing. Thanks!
Topic: schools should give several short breaks throughout the year or long summer vacation to students, which one you prefer? support your answer.

We students are often looking forward to seeing summer; it can be a time for older students to work summer jobs for earning extra money, and younger students may enjoy their countless desired activities. However, different schools have different lengths of day off. Many schools offer students a traditional summer, which is almost three months off, while a few schools give students several short breaks throughout the year. They reason that those breaks would release students better from schoolwork overwhelming. Although the two policies provide students equal days of absence, I prefer long summer vacation because of its greater benefits to students and their parents as well.

Not so many parents can afford for several vacations throughout the year because of the high costs of air faire, game tickets, and food- these are the basis needs of an ordinary vacation. Some opponents contradict that a picnic day at the park doesn't cost a penny. This observation is quite true at some point. Nonetheless, working parents do not have as many breaks as their children do. In fact, some employers do not offer vacation days to their employees. Spare time for those workers is available only when they are caught in an illness. For working parents with younger children, school-in-break is a burden because they have to think about where to send these kids. Often that daycare center is a solution with extra charge because of short-time enrollment.

Supporters of "short break", then, claim that staying home short time helps students memorize better of previous learning after they come back to school. However, long vacation doesn't mean sleeping, eating, and playing for almost three months. Indeed, the vacationers would take this precious time to register in some vocational or hobby classes that haven't offered yet in their school such as soap opera, karate, or movie acting. These class sessions require at least four to eight weeks completing whereas short break is not provided enough time; as a result, long vacation contributes students a substantial time to enhance their recreation and to balance out their schoolwork. Also, this is a chance for financial independents to work for extra income; hence, summer for those people is necessary rather than preferable.

Moreover, many exchanged students learn in the U.S schools are coming from different countries in the world. So do abroad students. Traditional summer is a great occasion for them to visit family and relatives in their hometown. It gives them a full relaxation and dramatic family reunion. What is more important is that long break reduces the number of absences when schools are resumed. Many students in short-break policy schools are forced to miss their attendant because there isn't enough time for them to travel in and out the nation within a week. Some students are lucky enough to have their family closer distance; yet, they still exhaust and perform poorly at school because they do not get enough rest during their off days.

Students nowadays are likely busier than students of a few decades ago. Perhaps students in the modern's day have to catch up so much information at the same time; therefore, finding an adequate time to balance out schoolwork is crucial to their life. Consequently, long summer vacation allows students to step out their ordinary school's days and to enter an adventurous time with full of enjoyment and relaxation, which contribute a great deal to academic success.