Jennyflower81
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'The Perks of Being Literate and Self-Honesty' - PERSONAL ESSAY [13]
Hi I will point out a few things that could sound better:
:timidity: This word seems to not fit with your description, or you could choose a different word, but continue with that topic and idea. I like the way you describe your "shell" but I'd like to know a little more about your personality- use a few stronger words to emphasize your personality.
And it wasn't like I couldn't ask someone for help; the only problem was there was not an ounce of courage or confidence in me capable of doing so.
This may sound better: "I could have asked for help, but..."
But then, I discovered The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky, Excellent point! Here is the focus of the entire essay- how your ideas/personality changed, and you transformed.
To sum it up,
saying this is unnecessary
Nice essay, very interesting, good luck in school!
Hi I will point out a few things that could sound better:
:timidity: This word seems to not fit with your description, or you could choose a different word, but continue with that topic and idea. I like the way you describe your "shell" but I'd like to know a little more about your personality- use a few stronger words to emphasize your personality.
And it wasn't like I couldn't ask someone for help; the only problem was there was not an ounce of courage or confidence in me capable of doing so.
This may sound better: "I could have asked for help, but..."
But then, I discovered The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky, Excellent point! Here is the focus of the entire essay- how your ideas/personality changed, and you transformed.
To sum it up,
saying this is unnecessary
Nice essay, very interesting, good luck in school!