Writing Feedback / IELTS; government´control on water´using. [11]


This has grammatical issues and your next sentence is better to open an introduction.


fresh water usage


I think you had better state your opinion in your introduction.


This part is really confusing.


the use of water

Writing Feedback / IELTS; government´control on water´using. [11]


Sure, you can write it in a simple way, for example:
Although some people are in favour of unlimited using, others, myself included, think that fresh water usage should be controlled by the authority.
Hope this helps!

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : average annual Gross Domestic Products (GDP) [12]


The bar chart compares the annual GDP growth in three types of countries: wealthy countries, globalisers and non-globalisers in four consecutive decades, starting from 1960s.


I think this sentence is not necessary.


This is more suitable in speaking than writing a report.


This sentence has several grammatical mistakes.
In 1960s, wealthy countries had the highest GDP growth of the three sorts of countries mentioned, at about 4.8 percent.


After that, the figure declined steadily until finishing the period at 2.0%


Meanwhile, globalised countries experienced an opposite trend.


GDP growth


started out at 1.2 percent in 1960s and subsequently rose every decade to reach a peak of approximately 5.0 percent in 1990s.


Non-globalisers' growth rate saw a fluctuation during the same period.

In this task, you don't need to list every single detail of the chart. Instead, you should pick the most remarkable of the chart and then compare and contrast them in your essay. Also, you should pay more attention to your grammar and essay structure (as Dumi suggested in the previous comment).

Hope this helps!

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : The Chart in Global Sales of Games Software, CDs and DVD or Video [9]


The chart illustrates the changes in global sales of games software, DVD/video and CDs in four consecutive years from 2000.
I think you should give an overview of the chart, which shows its main trends, before moving into detailed body paragraphs


CDs sales were the highest of the three types mentioned, reaching a high of 35 billion dollars in 2000.


After that, there was a slight fall in the sales of CDs until the end of the period.


Games software sales increased significantly from 14 billion dollars in 2000 to nearly 20 billion dollars in 2003.


The number of DVDs/videos sold nearly doubled the corresponding figure for games software


This sentence has no subject.


This part is not necessary.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : The Chart in Global Sales of Games Software, CDs and DVD or Video [9]

In this Task 1 essay, you should write at least 150 words and there is no maximum word count. Don't worry if your total number of words is less than 200.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Summarising two charts (Demand and electricity usage during typical day) [6]


The line chart compares electricity demand in typical days in summer and winter, while the pie graph illustrates the proportion of four main purposes of electricity in an average English household.


electricity demand in winter is much higher than that in summer.


,


You should pay attention to the tense used in your essay.


before falling


electricity is mainly used for heating, accounting for over 50 percent.


You should mention the most significant features or main trends of the charts in this overview paragraph.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 travel alone or with friends? [10]

Actually, your introduction is too lengthy and examples are not necessary here. Keep it short and direct. Also, while the prompt asks for your opinion, you did not state it clearly .

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 travel alone or with friends? [10]


The prompt asks for your own opinion, rather than discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of each side. After reading your essay, I still have no idea which one you prefer :(

I think you should follow Pahan and Dumi's suggestions in their previous comment on the structure of this essay. In this case, I think you should give at least two reasons why you prefer one kind of travel. Each reason will be explained in one body paragraph.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: A survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. [4]


The given bar chart illustrates ten factors that influence work effectiveness of two different age groups in a company.


This is not very clear.
Overall, workers aged 45 - 60 are more affected by these factors than those aged 18 - 30. While chance for personal development contributes the most to work performance of the former group, the latter group cites money as their main factor for their work efficiency.

Writing Feedback / Weather in Dubai is extremely contrasted - IELTS Task [7]


The table provides information about annual temperatures while the line graph illustrates the changes in the amount of rainfall in one year in Dubai.


Before turning into details, you could give an overview of the table and the graph.
Overall, the temperatures are pleasant for the majority of the year in Dubai, except for the summer. Besides, Dubai experiences more rainfall in the winter than in the summer.


The weather is generally cool in the winter, with temperatures hitting a low of only 14oC in the first two months of the year. The maximum temperatures in the winter nearly double the minimum figures, and are roughly the same as the lowest temperatures in summer months (from May to October). The highest number is recorded in July/August, when temperature reaches 48oC.


This conclusion is not clear.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Who should care for the elders? [7]


We can use "the" before a country name if it is a group of islands or common noun such as the United Kingdom, the United States of America, the Netherlands and the Bahamas, just to name a few.


I think you should state your opinion right in the introduction as to who should be responsible for taking care of the elder people.

Writing Feedback / The proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040. Writing Task 1 [5]


The line graph provides information about the changes in the percentage of the ageing population from 1940 to 2040 in Japan, Sweden and the USA.


This sentence has grammatical mistakes and I don't think this is necessary.


The first four decades saw an increase in the proportion of American people aged 65 and over, reaching 15% in 1980, which was slightly higher than that of Swedish people.


The proportion of elderly people in Sweden rose sharply from this point onwards. It is expected to finish the period at 25%, surpassing the corresponding figure for the USA, which remained steady from 1980.


On the other hand, the proportion of Japanese ageing population underwent a slight drop in the first half of the period, only reaching approximately 3% in 1980. However, it is projected to experience the most significant growth, rising exponentially from 10% in 2030 to around 28% in 2040.


In the conclusion, you should give an overview of the most remarkable features of the chart and the figures here are not necessary.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 [6]


Don't make your introduction too complicated.
The line graph presents data concerning the changes in the proportion of ageing population over a 100-year period in Japan, Sweden and the USA.


the percentage


I think Japan experience an overall upward trend, too.


In 1940, the elderly people took up 5% of Japanese population.


It then hovered around the 3% mark for nearly 60 years before increasing sharply for the rest of the period.


Notably, Japanese proportion of ageing population is projected to experience a nearly threefold rise to reach a peak of 28% in 2040.


It is the proportion/percentage, not the number of ageing population.


Sweden also saw a similar trend, though its figure was slightly lower, reaching 8% in 1980.



while there was a dramatic increase in the corresponding figure in Sweden to 20% in 2010.


is predicted to

Writing Feedback / Weather in Dubai is extremely contrasted - IELTS Task [7]


Well, I think if you have the overview paragraph after the introduction, there's no need to write a conclusion.

Writing Feedback / Ielts - changes in weekly spending by Britons on three types of fast food [5]

I think the overview paragraph should be written after the introduction (as Pahan suggested in his previous comment) to provide readers with a clear view of the main trends of the given charts. The detailed body paragraphs are to support these main features you mentioned.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : The main reasons for study and the amount of study grant [4]

You should attach the chart with the prompt so that we can give you more meaningful comments.


It's better to have a simple and direct introduction.
The first chart illustrates two main reasons why people of different age groups choose to study and the second bar chart presents data concerning levels of employer support in percentage terms.


Overall, the younger age groups tend to study mostly for career purposes, while the majority of the older groups cite interest as their main reason. Also, employees under 30 years old receive the highest amount of employer support.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: LINE GRAPH/ change in fish and other three types of meat consumption [7]


This could be replaced by the overview paragraph, which is often written after the introduction.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : Many vehicles on British roads [3]


The year 1888 marks the first appearance of a car in Britain. It doesn't mean that this vehicle was invented in Britain, so your sentence


could be omitted. Also, "discover" is wrongly used here.


-> Meanwhile


Since the nineteenth century, the number of private cars has increased dramatically in Great Britain. In my opinion, car ownership should be controlled by not only the introduction of international laws but also the shift to other means of transport.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task II : Illiteracy rates by region and gender; 'it was tearful' [12]


"However" is wrongly used here. You could merge this sentence with your previous one to form an introduction of your essay.
The bar chart compares the estimated proportion of illiterate men and women in six regions in 2000.
You should have an overview paragraph after your introduction to show the main trends of the chart, for example:
Overall, more women were illiterate than men in all six areas around the world . Besides, developed countries had the lowest illiteracy rates of both gender in 2000.


This is quite irrelevant to the prompt of this essay. You don't need to give a deduction from the given data.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephon [5]


There was a steady rise in the number of local fixed line calls in the first half of the period, eventually reaching a peak of 90 billion in 1999.


.
Then it began to fall gradually to approximately 70 billion in 2002, which was the same as the 1995 figure.


On the other hand, the total number of minutes of national and international fixed line calls and mobile calls enjoyed an clearly upward trend throughout the period. The former started off steady at 38 billion in 1995 and subsequently reached a high of around 60 billion at the end of the period.


Meanwhile, the latter saw the most significant increase in the number of minutes of telephone calls. Its figure was lower than 10 billion in the first four years. However, it ended up the period at 45 billion, which was nine times higher than the 1995 level.

You should pay attention to the difference between "Rise" and "Raise". They are used to depict upward trend but not interchangeable.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK I: Earnings in London City [6]

Don't make your introduction too complicated and then difficult for readers to understand.
The two pie charts illustrates the changes in total earnings in four sectors, namely commodity trading, banking, insurance and currency dealing in London in 1985 and 1995. Meanwhile, the table compares average annual salaries of executives of both gender in aforementioned sectors over the same period.

After the introduction, you should have a overview paragraph to clarify the main trends of the graphs and table:
Overall, there was a sharp rise in the total revenue in the city of London from 1985 to 1995, with commodity trading taking over the largest proportion of banking over the given course. Likewise, annual salaries of female executives were generally lower than those of male counterparts in all sectors.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: the sleep patterns of people in five different occupations [13]


You had better keep focusing on the given chart/graph as it reflects the result of the study. Also, if you have already given an overview in your essay, the conclusion is not necessary.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1- water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries [3]


Capitalize the first letter of your sentence.


These two sentences can form an introduction:
The line graph illustrates the changes in the amount of water used for agricultural, industrial and domestic purposes while the table compares water consumption in 2 different countries, Brazil and Democratic Republic of Congo.


It is obvious that a larger quantity of water was used in agriculture than the other two sectors.


Does the table mention anything about water use in agriculture?

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The percentage of housing owned and rented in the UK in 1985 and 2005. [3]


Don't make your introduction too complicated.
The pie charts compare house ownership and renting in the UK in 1985 and 2005 in percentage terms.


You don't need to give a reason for the main features of the given graphs.
Overall, there was in increase in the total number of homes in the UK over the two-decade period. Likewise, privately owned houses were the most popular type of housing.


In 1985, private houses accounted for over half of the total number of homes (22 million), which was about 20% higher than the second most common type, council rented houses.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task I : Housing owned and rented in UK [11]


the proportion of housing owned and rented in the UK


It's not necessary to have a separate sentence to talk about the four sorts of houses involved. Instead, you could merge this sentence with your previous one.


Overall, the house numbers in the UK increased dramatically over 20 years.


This sentence is irrelevant to the chart.


,


Again, these two sentences are not related to what the task requires you to do. You should focus on


and


to summarize the information. There's no need to have interpretations or deductions from the given data. Also, pay attention to your grammar.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: BAR CHARTS- Married and Divorced in the USA [8]


Yes, I think you should describe the main trends of both two charts in the overview paragraph.
Overall, the number of marriages was significantly higher than the number of divorces over the period. Also, the majority of American people were married in both given years, 1970 and 2000.


I don't think you should use the word "below" in the introduction. This is because when you write on the exam paper, there is no chart/graph below your essay.

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing test 1. Cement and concrete production diagrams. Ielts8 [11]


Keep your introduction short and direct.
The two diagrams illustrate the process of how cement is produced from raw materials and the production of concrete for building purpose.


In the first stage of cement making, limestone and clay are added to the crusher and then transferred to the mixer in the form of powder.


After that, the mixture is sent to the rotating heater and heated, the result of which is then grounded to produce cement.


Packaging cement in bags is the final step of the process.


To produce concrete, four materials are initially required.

Writing Feedback / The chart below display skill levels of male and female employees in a British company in [5]


The pie charts compare the proportion of four different levels of skills of staff members of both genders in a British company in 2001.
If you want to talk about the country, use "Britain" instead of "British".



This is your overview. In this paragraph, you should mention the most remarkable features of the chart but you don't need to present any data here.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task I : Housing owned and rented in UK [11]



"However" is used when you want to state an opposite opinion. This is not appropriate in your overview paragraph here. Also, there's no need to give data in your overview.


There are two pie charts, so you should clarify which chart you are mentioning.


the most popular type


was the least


at 50 per cent


This sentence has several grammatical mistakes.
In 1985, private owned houses took up over 50 per cent of the total number of houses, while the proportion of social housing was the lowest, at 10 per cent.


The charts are not about the people but the percentage of four kinds of houses.


This sentence is really confusing. What do you mean by "rising number among trends"?
Hope this helps!

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task I : Housing owned and rented in UK [11]


I see. However, you don't need to use "the pie chart shows" again here. Instead, you could write direct sentences to describe the charts.


Actually, I wanted to say that the preposition "by" is not appropriate in this case.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task II : Equal number of gender in the universities entrance [12]


As far as I'm concerned, "emancipation" means liberation or being freed which, I think, is not related to the issue of unequal numbers of male and female students.


This is one of your reason but you didn't give a clear explanation for this.


The quality of students will be guaranteed if they are selected to enter universities from ability-based tests.
You should pay attention to your grammar!

Writing Feedback / IELTS;More & more people are relying on private cars as their major means of transport [4]

Well, you should include the full prompt with your essay so that we can provide you with more meaningful comments.


blaming cars


a number of serious issues


traffic accidents


It's better to open your body paragraph with problems that are caused by cars. I feel that these sentences do not add more value to your essay.


Do you mean the amount of time we use cars?


car engine emissions


the main reason for


Delhi is not a country. You had better link your example with your previous sentence.


reached


choose not to drive


in a short distance

Writing Feedback / IELTS, nowadays it is more difficult to concentrate or pay attention in school. [7]

You should include the full prompt whenever posting an essay because without it, it's hard for us to know whether some sentences are relevant or not to the topic.


The question mark is inappropriate here and "how much it is different" should be replaced by "how different it is".


Children would sacrifice their studying time for playing computer games.


which led to some academic problems at school.
Don't use "that" after commas.


draw more attention from students than their lessons do.


This part is confusing. Do you mean the solution to this problem depends of parents?

Writing Feedback / Traffic jams in big cities - headache question for the government to solve [5]


Traffic congestion has become a serious problem in many big cities in the world.


This has grammatical mistakes and you didn't mention anything related to air pollution in the rest of the essay. If it is irrelevant to the topic, then you could omit this sentence.


I don't think "Yet" should be used here.


This part could form a separate sentence.


The bold part is not clear.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: kindly check my introductory paragraph (hook, etc) [6]


This part of your sentence is quite confusing. Do you mean that schools are teaching non-competitive sports?


schools aim


This sentence is too lengthy and your opinion is not quite clear. I think the use of many big words also reduces the clarity of this sentence.

Writing Feedback / Renewable sources of energy (sun, water, wind) will soon replace fossil fuels [4]

You should include the full prompt to receive more meaningful comments on your essay.


One of the most serious problems in the world is environmental pollution, of which fossil fuels are one of the leading causes.


This has led many countries to develop sustainable energy resources.


I feel that the question here is not necessary.
In my opinion, shifting to renewable sources of energy is an effective solution to environmental issues.


Therefore,


Emissions from burning charcoal or petroleum are known to have a devastating effect on the ozone layer

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Capital punishment (the death penalty) in society [12]


Some people believe that applying this kind of punishment will lead to a crime-free society.


imprisoning criminals.
The prompt does not mention anything as to whether other people are in favor of imprisonment so I'm not sure if it is necessary to single out this kind of punishment here.


quite a long time
Also, you could state your opinion right in the introduction.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task II: who should decide the subjects that children are taught in schools [4]


This could form a separate sentence.


What do you mean by "they" in this sentence? Are they students or teachers?
Overall, you write very well. You follow a good structure for the task and your ideas are well-organized.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Elderly Population in three different countries: Japan, Sweden and USA [5]

You should attach the graph with your essay.


a period of 100 years


This sentence could be merged with the previous one:
The given graph shows the proportion of elderly population during a period of 100 years in three different countries, namely Japan, Sweden, and the USA.


follow a similar upward trend


the proportion/the percentage of


This is not clear. Do you mean "the first 60 years of the period"?


It continues to rise until reaching an estimation of ... in 2040, which is significantly higher than the other two countries.


The elderly population in Sweden and the USA experienced an increase during the course.


Both figures


This world should be omitted.

.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : The IELTS Score In Four Different Countries [3]

It seems that you just use the same sentence structure in your two body paragraphs. Also, your ideas need reorganizing by starting with the most salient features. For example, German has the highest overall score of the four countries. Then you could move into further details and make comparisons among countries and modules.


This kind of task doesn't require you to give any interpretation from the chart. In my opinion, it can't be concluded that every person in two continents has learnt English from the IELTS score of just four countries.