Scholarship / 'alleviating the financial burden' - How will this scholarship help you? [3]

Hi, I am currently applying for a scholarship that requires a loaded response to a prompt which is "Describe (in 300 words or less) how the scholarship would help you achieve your goals and describe the major you plan to pursue at our university, as well as your activities and interests." Any suggestions on how to improve it or make it more emotional. Your help is deeply appreciated. Thank you.

Ever since I was a little girl, I have been intrigued with the processes of the brain and how they manifested in each individual. I questioned what was happening within someone's mind that drove him or her to act in a certain way. I propelled myself into researching anything from disorders to optical illusions to grasp an understanding of this unique organ, the brain, and how I could influence, in a positive manner, how people interact with reality. After learning so much, I felt compelled to help others by changing the way they perceive the world. Through painstaking research, I discovered the benefits of psychiatry. I yearn to one day become one because it contains the best of both worlds: using past research to efficiently assist a client and using, or doing, current research to further understand the complexities of the brain. Going to your university and majoring in biology will expose me to on-the-job situations I will face during my career as a psychiatrist.

By alleviating the financial burden in my life, my energy will be focused on assuring my education and extracurricular activities are geared towards the success of my future career which is helping others change their perception of the world. I hope to discover activities that I will not only enjoy, but also strengthen my leadership and communication skills to ensure the success of my future career. I am currently looking for community service opportunities, like working with kids because I am interested in continuing the tutoring and leadership activities I did at All Children Excel in School (ACES). I also want to be involved in intramural tennis as well as a program like Forensics which will provide strong building blocks for my communication skills.

All of these activities I plan on participating in are leading me down a path to becoming a successful individual during my stay at your university and in the future. With the help of this scholarship, my possibilities are endless.

Undergraduate / 'I hope to major in Biology' - UPenn [12]

UPenn prompt: Required for all applicants: Considering both the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying and the unique aspects of the University of Pennsylvania, what do you hope to learn from and contribute to the Penn community? (Please answer in one page, approximately 500 words.)

All suggestions needed and considered. Is it good? Is it bad? Does it answer the prompt? This is a very rough draft, so tear it apart.

Through the founder, Benjamin Franklin, the University of Pennsylvania instills well roundness into all of its students. I want to be a part of a school that strives not only to make exceptional students in specialized areas, but also students who have a broad knowledge of other areas as well. I also have a desire to help other, whether it be with emotional, physical, or mental obstacles. If admitted, I would spend a part of my free time diligently working through the community service projects offered at the university. By acting on my instincts and having an outlet for them, I hope to be an example that well crafted individuals enter and leave University of Pennsylvania.

I hope to major in Biology at The College of Arts and Sciences with a concentration in pre-medicine. I want to take my classes by the renowned professors who are willing to make personal contact with the students. I can imagine myself being invited to Professor Kirkham's home to enjoy dinner and an insightful conversation right before the end of the semester. Even with the professors' help to propel the students to succeed, I would have to take the initiative to achieve success since the school is not there to hold my hand. . Having a constant rigorous course load would further instill the concept of persistent hard work brings fruitful results.

I want to be involved in everything University of Pennsylvania and surrounding area have to offer. I want to experience adult life much quicker and since UPenn does not guarantee housing all four years, the transition from on campus college student to fully independent adult will be smoother. My responsibilities might be greater if I am not guaranteed housing all four years, but the exposure to the adult world early would help me better a stronger individual in the upcoming years since I do not have a plethora of students and faculty surrounding me every hour, daily.

Current students at UPenn have amazing school spirit and pride. To have that mentality instilled in me would be amazing because I not only want to be surrounded by people who exude happiness all day, but I can have the chance to scream to the mountain tops that I hopefully attend UPenn as well (expand). I will learn quick, from these students, that work and play do not necessarily have to conflict.

UPenn has amazing academics, but the environment in which it allows students to explore their academic and extracurricular interests seems exciting and inviting. I might have the honor of sitting on the fresh cut green grass and taking in the beauty of the tall buildings while studying calculus as the city environment bustles around me. While there I hope to learn anything this school is willing to teach me. I hope to attend UPenn's School of Medicine to receive my medical school education then concentrate into the Psychiatry residency program.

Along with these different aspects of the school, I have the impression that the students are hardworking and willing to help each other so they succeed in their academic endeavors. A supportive environment would create conducive learning atmosphere for me to successfully excel in my pursuits. Overall, the environment at UPenn encourages hard work, proactive learning and rewarding academic experiences. I want to be enveloped in an community that