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Posts by katev
Joined: Nov 1, 2012		 Last Post: Jan 24, 2013
Threads: 18
Posts: 120  
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From: United States of America

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katev   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Research opportunities and the campus nature; UW- Madison/ Why UW-Madison? [3]

a small girl

a young girl

zoos; I loved

zoos. I loved

their easygoing way of life of simply following their instinct and curiosity

You should rephrase this, it's a mouthfull

if biology refers to physics

when biology combines with physics

offered a precious

offered the precious

prodigious faculty

prodigious? maybe choose a different word

I am eager to learn from them not only technical lab skills

I am eager to learn no only technical skills.... from such (great?) professors.

I will take a good and important step

Choose a better adjective other than "good"

Maybe rearrange your last couple of sentences so that once you end with Madison.
You bring up a good point when you say

As I pursue biophysics as a researcher, I have one thing that I always want to have in mind: my love for the nature.

but at that point in your essay, it seems out of place. You gave all your reasons why Madison would advance career and you end it nicely... then you start up again. It is a little unnatural to read
katev   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Potential Differences; LMU Supp/ Reality and recreating [3]

There are exceptions, there always is,

there always are

but such discussion rarely ever materializes because people view social media and instant communication as a means for social behavior, not as a way to think critically and perform introspection.

I would have to disagree. This is pretty broad generalization and essentially not true

serious, personal reflection

serious personal reflection

stated; this is a

Don't think you can use semicolon

But that is only one way of using the technology; one form, one possibility

Good and valid point

is to deny its benefits alongside its flaw; its potential is lost when it is considered a problem, when it does not have to be.

is to deny all of its possible uses (or something else, but you need to rephrase the first part). Also, don't use a semicolon

And the annihilation of that barrier has facilitated, more than anything, the free flow of ideas

How we, as individuals, choose to use them

It depends on how we, as individuals, choose to use them (pretty sure that is the situation in which you could use a semicolon, or you could keep your separate sentence)
katev   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / I had officially commissioned a merchandise graphic ; Common App [2]

became a top played in my music library

became (one of?) the most played in my music library

The combination of the unique pairing of a violin and their pop-punk sound, along with their positive, relatable lyrics captivated my ears

The combination of their pop-punk style with their unique use of violin, as well as their positive and relatable lyrics,(not sure if this needs a comma) captivated my ears

And that warm summer evening of June 2012, on the beach of Ventura, California has become one of my proudest memories.

That warm June evening on the beach of Ventura, California has become one of my proudest(fondest)(edit: after reading your essay, I see why its your proudest, but it still seems like an odd adjective to use at the beginning) memories.

(create a better transition by adding something like "it was the way that I got there that added to the greatness," or something like that (in your own word style))

raison d'ĂŞtre

Had to google this (and I take French ahah)... If you think it's common enough that the adcom will appreciate it, go for it.

d'ĂŞtre, graphic design

maybe ĂŞtre: graphic design.

through my dedication and hard work, I keep on keeping on

Odd sentence...

That one shirt everyone has, that's been worn a thousand times, no matter how many holes or washes it's had.

This is kind of mixed up and confusing

This is so cool!! Very unique! Couldn't help but look your designs up, they're very good!
Maybe mention that you have a graphic design business, it makes it more understandable that Yellowcard management would email you, not just like they emailed a random fan to draw up something they thought was good! You're a pro, flaunt it!
katev   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / 'An Unexpected Journey and Winning the Green Card' Common Application [33]

I don't think it's too formal, but I understand how it feels to have your writing picked apart. I, personally, don't think the tone sounds too different, but, then again, I didn't write it.

I didn't see any problem with you using "emotional wreck," that's a little more personal.
If you don't like the final tone, though, by all means change it! Colleges want to hear your personality through your essays, and if this doesn't feel like you, then definitely change that (without compromising grammar, brevity, and meaning, of course.)

I'm applying to College of Wooster, Vanderbilt, Kenyon, Colgate, U of Richmond, Wake Forest, UVA, Bowdoin, Duke, Denison, and Washington University in St. Louis!
katev   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Choosing intellectual engagement; Bowdoin supplement [7]

For an entire semester of my AP Psychology course, I have seen my teacher in person. I have never met my classmates. I have never held my textbook in my hands. However, despite all of these seemingly non-engaging aspects, I am more engaged in this class than I have ever been in a "real" course. How is this possible, one might ask. I have asked myself the same question many times throughout this course. I was weary, at first, of the thought of an online class. I would be attending a new "school" alongside my real school. I would have classes with people from all over the nation. I would have to contact my teacher solely through Skype or email. How could I possibly become intellectually engaged? However, from the moment I decided to push myself by signing up for this online course, I have found myself extremely engaged. This course has led me to change my idea of intellectual engagement. I was, figuratively, surrounded by students who truly wanted to learn about psychology. They were there by choice, not because they had to fill a slot in their course plan. It is one thing to be surrounded by people struggling to keep up with the workload that they have to maintain. It is a completely different feeling to be surrounded by people who want to be intellectually engaged. I have found that intellectual engagement must be fueled by interest and passion. At Bowdoin, not only are there a variety of opportunities to learn, but there is a desire amongst the students to take up these opportunities. This level of intellectual engagement is unparalleled by most colleges. I find myself, yet again, seeking the opportunity to learn beyond what is imaginable.

This is 290 words of the 250 word limit. I know the ending is bad and unfinished, any suggestions? Do I need to talk more about Bowdoin?
katev   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / "Thailander" ; NYU sup/ What intrigues you? [3]

(If you're going to describe it like this, maybe say Star of Siam last, like this...)Star of Siam oO n Metropolitan Blvd, across the street from a Carvel, sitting alongsideand directly next to an Edible Arrangements, sits the Star of Siam . TheirThe "We're Open" sign manages to squirm(don't know what you mean by "squirm) through my hectic days, and gives me that almost-as-good-as-mom's plate of drunken (is this the name of the dish?) noodles. Dinner after dinner, I escape to the small confines of an "along the beaten path"(maybe say, "this hole-in-the-wall," along the beaten path doesn't really mean anything in this case) restaurant, where Areya, brings me Tom Yum soup as a starter; (not the correct way to use semicolon) can't beat their ten dollar dinner special. I'm not Thai nor do I have a trailan ounce of Siamese in my blood; I have no connection to Thailand. My mom's dinner plate consists of roti and daal, an Indian dinner. But after that one bite, that one glorious chew (odd synonym for 'bite') of the slimy (bad connotation) noodle covered in spices and curry galore, just call me a "Thailander." Areya, my new friend, traveled from Thailand in search of a better life. As she smiles with every step bringing me my order, I realize I can only ask for that, a happy heart. From her dedication, to her strength: as a person, an immigrant, and as a woman, Areya has shown me the importance of perseverance. Each time I take a bite, she takes a step closer to paying for an extra college class, or a heavier envelop of money to send back home. With this in mind, I say "Can I get the regular?" What I mean is "You can do it."

This would answer the prompt perfectly if it said "What inspires you?" You need to make an argument that Areya intrigues you. What does she do that is so different that it actually makes you stop and think? If you want your intrigue to be about Areya, bring up her name more in the beginning. You need to say things like "This hole-in-the-wall restaurant has not only delicious noodles, but also a wonderfully positive/optimistic woman working in it."
katev   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Cool Running ; Columbia sup [2]

You have a good point and connection to real life, but I'm not sure what the prompt is, so I don't know if you're answering it. Depending on the prompt, you might not be telling the reader enough about the book.
katev   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / common app education interruption [3]

I'm not really sure of the protocol for this section of the Common App, but this is about your wording

I am planning to take college courses, less than 12 credits hours, in order to apply as a freshman applicant

You are taking college courses in order to be a freshman applicant at community college? Do you mean you plan to apply as a freshman at a community college to take college courses?

For the AP classes I took in the first semester of senior year, I will study the second semester materials by myself and take the tests on May.
Plus because I do not want to miss the opportunity to study Latin, I will pay for using the Cambridge Latin Course website to continue studying Latin Unit 5.
Also I will continue doing my extracurricular activities and do more volunteering work and find a job to help my parents and as well as to experience more broadly .

I plan on continuing to study my senior AP classes and taking the College Board administered tests in May. In order to continue studying Latin (Unit?) 5, I will use the online Cambridge Latin Course.

I'm still not sure why you stopped attending regular school and colleges won't be either after reading this. Was is because of money? Make sure you explain why.
katev   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / "Black and White Rainbow"; William and Mary sup- What makes you unique and colorful? [4]

"Hey, do you like my hair?" she asks with questioning eyebrows but all-knowing eyes that are expecting me to say how pretty her hair looks

I like it, but the phrasing's kind of cluttery. maybe something like "she asks with a look that I just know expects the reply of "Yes, it's great!"

I'm honest but not blunt

but not rude

Whoa. I liked where the essay was going, but then I just got swept away with a list of characteristics. It's a little overwhelming. Pick what you think makes you really unique/looks good in the adcom's eyes.

I spent my summers in a place where there's limited water and electricity

A lot of people have done this and even more will write about it, ahaha

I might as well be a rainbow. (Excuse the bad attempt at a joke.) I'm the perfect example of the clichĂŠ "don't judge a book by its cover". At first glance

I might as well be a rainbow (excuse the bad joke). I'm the perfect example of the clichĂŠ "don't judge a book by its cover." At first glance,...

(This was about punctuation)

first: either I talk or I don't. But time

first, either I talk or I don't, but time

You kind of go astray from the block of qualities you present (which, by the way, aren't all stark opposites if that's what you were going for)

I know it's a hard prompt, but your first and second paragraphs are totally unrelated (in my opinion).
Also, if you want to come off as humble, I'm afraid you haven't quite done so. Now, you might not want to seem humble, but it's always best when strangers will be reading this and making assumptions about you because of it. You wouldn't want an admissions officer to think you think to highly of yourself because you spent a summer in Africa, would you? When you say things like I've done things that "students my age may have only read or heard about," you don't come off too great.

You don't have to say "A, B, and C, make me super-duper unique. If you say you've slept under blankets to avoid lizards, the adcom will go ahead and decide that you're different in that way.

Please don't take any of this the wrong way. Though, I'd rather you be mad at me than at an admissions committee who didn't get to see the best side of you!
katev   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Want to help children become confident; BOSTON COLLEGE SUPP: Service to Others [5]

It seems, although I'm sure it's unintentional, that you talk down St. Ignatius. I'm sure he wouldn't call himself a hero, but by you saying that he wasn't a hero is a little ...odd. Sure, he was just a kind-hearted person, but there's a lot of kind-hearted people, so why isn't everyone living a life of service. The reason they're celebrating Ignatius is because he chose to live a life of service, so maybe don't talk down that fact in the beginning.

In the second paragraph, I think you're hitting the adcom over the head with something they can clearly see. If you mention that you volunteered not to take the paid position, you don't need to keep writing about how you weren't motivated by money. They'll be impressed as it is, no need to keep saying that.

Finally, maybe spend less time with your past endeavours and more on your future ones, as this is what the prompt is asking. You can briefly talk about how you volunteered, but try to work into "I hope to continue this love of volunteering at Boston" much sooner. You only have a limited number of words to tell them what you'll do for Boston!
katev   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / "Linsanity" completely took over the nation; I pretended not to like Jeremy Lin [2]

I wouldn't change the topic! I'm having a hard time coming up with something and this is very good and unique. I think the Linsanity has died down to where you'd be pretty unique to write about him!

I consider myself to be pretty athletic and good at most sports. Before Jeremy Lin broke onto the scene, I was my own person and just considered a good athlete

These sentences drift away from where I thought you were going with your sentence about basketball. I don't think you need these two sentences

I was my own person and just considered a good athlete

I was just considered a good athlete

This stereotype was very uncomfortable for me

Why were you uncomfortable? (I know why, but you should state it/explain it)

I am proud to say today that Jeremy Lin is my hero.

Sort of contradicts the prompt. Maybe go with "I am proud to say today that Jeremy Lin is my hero... as long as no one else hears me say it."
katev   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / I am a barbarian! ; BARD Supp/ Short commentary [3]

Wow this is a hard topic!

You end with two "sayings." You need to say something you have thought of on your own. These two idioms do apply here, but you need originality.

Your first paragraph doesn't make much sense.
I'm at a loss with this prompt, honestly.
katev   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Minor in economics; Duke - Why Duke Arts and Science? [2]

is one of its kind

rephrase. one of a kind?

and allows me

would allow me

First paragraph is great. You can't replace "Duke" with any other school and have it still make sense. Very good!
katev   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Grandparents' house shaped my wild side; Stanford Supp_ What matters to me and why? [3]

I wake up to the smell of trees and birds chirping near my grandfather's house

The smell of trees? Sort of odd, but if it's true, then okay!
The smell of birds chirping :)?

My grandparents tell me to sit and make me eat breakfast before going out

tell me to sit down and have breakfast

bread and cake

Cake for breakfast? do you mean something else?

hop the fence to the neighbor's house and furiously knock on his door, lacking any sense of privacy

house, and furiously knock...
Lacking privacy? But you knocked...

Today is the day my friend

You need to add how "today" is in fact, not the day. Maybe "today is the day, I thought to myself, my friend..."

'Easy-Bake Oven'

No quotes

To me, my passion and wonder for the world and everything around me are what matter to me.

Only one "me." My passion and wonder for... is what matters to me

Today, after nearly six years,

Whoa! You're 15 and applying to Stanford??
katev   
Dec 27, 2012
Writing Feedback / organization deal with recycling; The one thing you do to improve your community? [3]

Your spacing and punctuation is all off, I'm not sure if you know that. If you don't: remember the rule is word + comma/period + space + next word :)

Is English your second language?

think positively where I have lived

Rephrase this. Think positively about the places where I have lived

Many people believe that the good man who is teaching person and has a nice family

believe that a good(?) man teaches people and has a nice(?) family
What do you mean by "teaching person" and "nice family?"

I have lived in Basra city , Iraq since I was born

I was born and raised in Basra City, Iraq

This is very good! You have a good essay for a non-native English speaker. I love your idea and I think colleges will as well!
katev   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / I secretly love Greek mythology ; Barnard Supp [4]

Good! You could try to come full circle and say something like "I will always be grateful that I flipped to the channel that day, for that was the day I discovered Barnard." Now this depends on the prompt. If the prompt is why/how Barnard, go with that. If the prompt is something else then your whole essay might need to change. I'm not sure what you're answering, I just found the writing errors!
katev   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / "I won't speak much at first"; Stanford Essay-Future Roommate [2]

If you ever need me you'll always be able to find me; I'll be in constant revolutions around the library and coffee shop.

Awkward sentence. Don't think that merits a semicolon and your use of "revolutions" seems out of place

I turn into a kleptomaniac when I see cute clothes, but hypocritically hate when people use my stuff

Eeek... Before I got to the second part of the sentence I thought you were a thief, I think the adcom would too. Also, hypocrisy and unwillingness to share isn't something you necessarily want to highlight (I'm the same way though haha)

I'm a procrastinator too! (nudge nudge, can you look at my essay?)

Right now it's a little dark and gloomy. I know they say be yourself not someone else, but I would hope you don't want to present yourself as boring, a klepto, stingy, and OCD. (I don't want to sound mean, but a majority of your essay points to this)

Try to lighten it up. You're going somewhere with the dancing, music, and achieving your goals!
katev   
Dec 27, 2012
Essays / The effect of technology on our generation - Help on a cause/effect essay. [5]

Is this for college/an engineering school or is this just a prompt you have to answer?

You can point out plenty of drawbacks with the typical technology you would think of. Cars pollute, phones run out of battery. I think you need to pick a device before getting help from others, that way it's really what you want it to be about!
katev   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / My uncle calls me "Theoretik"; MIT App // Cultural Background // Pragmatic fami [3]

My uncle calls the "Theoretik," meaning dreamer.
Despite his academic success, the Soviets denied him (an opportunity to learn, something like that) because he was Chrisitan. He resigned to becoming a mechanic. Opportunities for the religious were minimal in the USSR, and, realizing this, my parents moved to the states where girls could get married and where I could find artisanal work.

The 3rd to last sentence is a bit out of place. You explained how you moved to the US, so it seems like you regress when you mention your uncle and parents again.
katev   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Diversity/ YALE SUPP; Why Yale?/Short takers [2]

Great why Yale!

1) Option 1
4) Option 1
5) Well, do you now care or not care?

Care to comment on my "Why Yale?" I could definitely use some help from someone who wrote such a great one!
katev   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / My past connections to places; Bowdoin / Interests and experiences [4]

small school high school

pick one, or small high school

Nestled at the foot of the hills, the campus is very beautiful

This beautiful campus is quietly nestled at the foot of the hills

As I went to classes, I really enjoyed having small classes

similar opportunities like Village and possibly even more

like the Village, and possibly even more.

Also being a historical liberal arts college with great traditions and literary alumni, I believe

You need to make Bowdoin the subject of your sentence if that's the first part. Right now you are saying that you are a historical liberal arts college...

You end very abruptly. It's very important and unique that you lived in 3 other countries, that's what this essay wants you to highlight! Certainly you had connections to those other places. I know there's a word limit, but it'd be good to elaborate on that. Place your bit about Bowdoin at the end to wrap it up!

Take a look at mine, tell me what you think!
katev   
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / I'm from a Kazakh family; My college Essay [7]

Although I value my ethnic origins in my opinion my physical

origins, in my opinion, my physical...

what adds to my diversity rather it is

Need to punctuate between 'diversity' and 'rather'

that I have lived in

in which I have lived

with my parents, and my grandmother

with my parents and my grandmother,

My grandmother who was central to my upbringing taught

grandmother, who was central to my upbringing, taught

In Kazakstan my father also taught me more about the Kazak culture by teaching me how to ride on horseback, and more connected to the nature

My father also taught me to become more connected to nature by teaching me how to ride horses

Influenced by her upbringing in the Soviet Union she would also

Influenced by her upbringing in the Soviet Union, name the "she"

stress me the ideas

co-operation, and selflessness

which we were reinforced by my childhood friends with whom I always shared

This doesn't make sense

In my opinion I would add to the diversity of a college community not by the cliched definition of diversity such as race or ethnicity

This sounds negative. Maybe say "Although I would certainly add racial and ethnic diversity to a college community, I prefer to share my diversity through my different experiences, views, and perspectives."

would love to learn, and interact

to learn and interact

Very good! You approach the topic well by showing a unique diversity (in addition to your ethnic diversity, that's diversity on top of diversity! haha)
katev   
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / Exploring the minds of Yalies; Why Yale? [6]

I have explored both websites and the minds of the diversely talented Yalies, and what they have all ceaselessly attested to has reinforced my decision to apply. The small classes taught by accessible and knowledgeable teachers who truly care for their undergraduates, the unique residential system that brings intimacy to such a major research university, the liberal curriculum that allows for a deep understanding of one's major and a broad understanding of the humanities, and the natural and social sciences all while improving my writing and quantitative skills, and the institutions like Dwight Hall which show that Yale is dedicated to broadening student's scope by immersing them in vast cultural, recreational, and academic opportunities have all been praised by the Yalies with whom I have spoken. These highly engaged students have shown me that Yale is not a one-track school. Rather, Yale cultivates well-rounded students who comprise a community that I not only want to contribute to, but also become a part of.

[I know I can't end with a preposition, but I can't seem to fix that last sentence]
[And yes, that honker in the middle is one big sentence, but it's not a run-on, I promise! Just obnoxious to read...]

Help! Please! I'm at 1027 characters of the allotted 500... oops.
I know it's not very personal, but I really don't have some spectacular story about overhearing a conversation on campus that made me know I have to apply.

I have pages and pages (literally, I created a whole document) of reasons why I want to apply to Yale and what makes it unique. Clearly this is not all of it, but it's about as condensed as I can make it.

Thoughts? Please!
katev   
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / 'An Unexpected Journey and Winning the Green Card' Common Application [33]

Okay, mention "The Perks" or don't begin your first sentence with an idea about an unknown book

The irony part doesn't really make sense nor does the counterclockwise (just in my opinion!)

Also, the "made of stone" allusion should be made clearer. Write about what you just explained to me. You don't make all of that known until the very end, and that makes it kind of confusing

That is not the correct use of compromise. A compromise is an agreement over a dispute...
katev   
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / History, and mathematics have captured me and never let goCornell sup [10]

mathematics do become

mathematics does become

more difficult the reward

more difficult, the reward

and think is worth it

What? The think?

have always grasped my breath

doesn't make sense

repeat it.". The world of the mathematics however to me was always more in a realm of logic, and reason.

repeat it." The world of mathematics, on the other hand, was always in a realm of logic and reason

Cornell's mission statement briefly summarized in the words of the co-founder Ezra Cornell: "I would found an institution where any person can find instruction in any study." is very fitting

Cornell's mission statement, "an institution where any person can find instruction in any study," is very fitting...
katev   
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / One of my top choices; Lehigh App [3]

What is the prompt?

Anti-socialness and leadership don't really go hand-in-hand, at least you want to show Lehigh that they don't. If you want to talk about being "taciturn," then show Lehigh that you can be a good leader anyway. You have the evidence that you want to be a leader, now show Lehigh that your social side won't get in the way of your leadership and success!

Please take a look at mine! Even if you only tell me what you think of me after reading it!
If you do anymore revision I would be glad to help edit if you post it again!
katev   
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / My Non-Diversity Form of Diversity; Colgate University/ About you/ Colgate Community [7]

Thank you all for your feedback. This is what I finally submitted to Colgate: [250/250 words]

I can count all of my closest living relatives on both hands. When people look at me, they cannot easily say, "Oh, you're definitely from 'this country.'" In fact, enjoying my grandmother's recipe for Swedish meatballs for dinner is about as much as our family embraces our muddled heritage.

However, it is this lack of a glaring cultural background that has led me to want to discover more. I never fail to ask my grandmother all about her Swedish heritage. I'll pester my father about the family crests that I find lying around his office and the story behind our last name, which is Dutch for "falcon." My never-failing curiosity has even led me to create an account on Ancestry.com to fully delve into my heritage. I have since then collected many pieces of history, traced our family tree back for dozens of generations, and even contacted my long, lost great uncle who was my departed grandfather's half-brother. The fact that I can still discover more about my diverse family background is what continues to interest me. It is this same reaching out that I hope to continue throughout four years at Colgate University. Colgate's close-knit community models my similarly small family. I hope to learn just as much about the Colgate community as I have learned about my own family. Whether by whipping up a batch of Swedish meatballs or whipping out my collected family records, I hope to both share my own and discover my Colgate family's diversity.

I want to reformat this to make it apply to Kenyon's "Where are you from? (Please answer this in any way you'd like-geographically, culturally, artistically, politically, etc.)" and Denison's "Denison values diversity in our college community. Please describe a personal experience that you have had with diversity and tell us how it might inform your college experience." if anyone has any further suggestions they are much appreciated!

Also, I love to edit essays so I'd be more than happy to revise yours if you glance at mine!
katev   
Dec 25, 2012
Undergraduate / 'The law of attraction' NYU short essay 2012-2013- What intrigues you? [9]

Interesting essay, but I'm not sure it's entirely logical. What if your parents saw the collage or something? I might add a sentence about how it's not entirely the reason they got you a guitar, as you might seem a little strange to the adcom (no offense, just looking from an outside perspective).

Also, sorry if everything is kind of messed up with the red and crossed out things, this formatting is a pain to use. I hope you get the just of my changes.
katev   
Dec 24, 2012
Undergraduate / "The Notebook" UVA Supp; (Discuss something you secretly like but...) [9]

A good topic, I think it's funny! You're definitely very honest, I think they'll appreciate that. If anything, try to talk about how this movie affected you. I can't exactly phrase it, but I think you could add something to make it a little better. I know that's not that helpful, but maybe try adding some more personal things to really connect this to you.
katev   
Dec 24, 2012
Undergraduate / You will wake up with me; Letter to future Harvard rommate [2]

Dear Roommate,
I am a morning person.
This is one of the first things that I tell people if I will be living with them. Now, I have only lived with a roommate a few times, just the typical camp cabins and college visits, but when I do I never fail to tell her that I am an early riser. I tell people this for two reasons. The first being my hope that if I tell them in advance, they won't be too surprised to find that I have already gotten ready for the day before they are even awake. The second reason I tell you this is because I feel like this early rising habit has completely shaped my outlook on life as well as who I am as a person today. I like to think that the early morning is the simplest time of day. Imagine waking up to no distractions, no interferences, nothing to disconnect you from the natural world. You can see your surroundings without any influence from people. Seeing the sunrise, listening to the world stir as it begins to awake, feeling the crisp morning air, the sensation of cool fresh dew touching the bottoms of your feet. From this perspective, the world is uncomplicated. There is no homework to worry about, no traffic to sit through, and no place to be other than in the present. Once the day begins and the sounds change from birds chirping to cars speeding down the street, as I'm sure happens fairly quickly in Boston. The sights change from the sun slowly creeping over the horizon to people hustling on the sidewalks trying to get to their next endpoint. Once the morning glory fades, I can quickly snap back into the daily swing of things and remember what the day has in store for me. However, despite the position of the sun in the sky, I always try to live in the moment and not let things pass me by. Just from waking up a few hours earlier, I gain a sense of positivity that I continue to use it throughout my day. So, I apologize in advance if I accidentally wake you up at an ungodly hour, but I hope that one day you will wake up with me, to see the world from my point of view.

Is all of my grammar/punctuation correct? How is the letter itself? I know a lot of these types of essays list a whole bunch of stuff, but I didn't really want to go that route. Harvard is definitely a stretch for me and I'm not sure that this would necessarily help my chances, but do you think it would hurt my chances? I know I should write about something truly amazing, but I really want to get this application sent!
katev   
Dec 23, 2012
Undergraduate / The School of Rock & my passion for music ; COMMON APP [5]

Middle school was, for me, a rather awkward stage of my life, as I'm sure it was for many other people. Start off with a really strong sentence. As it is now, this first sentence wouldn't necessarily make me more excited to read your essay.

However, I'm fairly certain that my experiences during middle school were very different than those of most other suburban kids (This is not meant to be offensive, but 2 out of your 3 listed experiences are pretty typical for a middle schooler, (minus the child-star siblings)) (Make it very clear how your time in middle school was different) . It was the time when my younger brother and sisters' professional acting careers really started taking off, and w.W hile they were off shooting commercials

My life took a backseat (not sure this is the right use of the phrase) to the hectic filming schedules that consumed most of my family's life. Despite all this, I will forever remember my middle school years for one reason only (You'll remember it positively for one reason. You have a lot of reasons to remember your middle school times so maybe rephrase that sentence) : it was when I developed my passion for music.

Amidst the chaos of movies, marital problems, and school, my mother signed me up for the School of Rock in South Hackensack, perhaps just as a way to keep me occupied.

I remember walking in, seeing the tattered posters and the numerous holes in the walls, thinking, "(You might need to capitalize "This") this is it?"

But as I sat down behind the drum set for the first time, bashing away as the other students wailed on their guitars, basses, and keyboards, the appearance of the School of Rock became irrelevant. Everything else in my life became irrelevant. I had found my home. (Good ending for this paragraph!)

I practiced the drums for hours upon hours every day, eager to go to Thursday night rehearsal. It was where, oO nce a week, I could

You have a good essay! It definitely has the potential to stand out amongst the others, just end strong and start strong.
Also, not to be annoying, but that's so cool/interesting that you're Daisy and Charlie's brother! My good friend also has two younger actor siblings so I can imagine what middle school must have been like for you
katev   
Dec 23, 2012
Faq, Help / Why are some people getting suspended? [45]

How are people suspended?

Hi,
Someone posted meaningless feedback on my essay. I went to his profile, and saw that he posted meaningless feedback in someone else's essay too. Also, one minute after he posted on my essay, he published his own. Clearly he was just writing in order to publish his own essay.

I'm not quite sure how the whole website works, as I'm relatively new to it. If it's on a community based reporting system, I'd like to report arunesh12
katev   
Dec 23, 2012
Undergraduate / My Non-Diversity Form of Diversity; Colgate University/ About you/ Colgate Community [7]

We honor the many different forms of diversity in our community. Your perspective is valuable because it comes from your life experiences, family backgrounds, and culture. Please tell us about yourself, how you plan to share your perspective with the Colgate Community, and what you hope to learn from other members of the community. Answer in 250 words or less

I can count all of my closest living relatives on both hands. We do not have close family still living in our parent country. When someone looks at me, they cannot easily say, "Oh, you're definitely from 'this country.'" Enjoying my grandmother's recipe for Swedish meatballs for dinner is about the closest that our family gets to embracing our muddled heritage.

However, it is this lack of a glaring cultural background that has led me to want to discover more. I never fail to ask my grandmother all about her Swedish background. I'll pester my father about the family crests that I find lying around his office and the Dutch translation of our last name Valk, which means "falcon." My never-failing curiosity even led me to create an account on Ancestry.com to fully delve into my heritage. I have since then collected many pieces of history and have traced our family tree back for dozens of generations. I have even come in contact with a long, lost great uncle who was my departed grandfather's half-brother. The fact that I can still discover more about my varied background is what continues to interest me. It is this same reaching out that I hope to continue throughout four years at Colgate University. My hometown, Memphis, TN, provides me with an endless source of diversity. Through the Memphis community I have learned more about cultures around the world than I could have ever imagined. Colgate's close-knit community models my small family. I hope to learn just as much about the Colgate community as I have learned about my own family.

I'm at 332 words right now. I know the ending gets sort of bad, but I was hoping that's where I could find some help!

Do I answer the prompt? I know it seems like I don't really talk about my diversity, but I tried to put my history in the best light compared to other vastly more diverse people!

I wanted to avoid the whole "I'm from the deep South" thing, because I'm really not "country" at all!

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