The newspaper is one of the ways of getting the news.
You need to improve the presentation of this sentence as it needs to act as an interesting hook that binds reader's attention to your writing ;
The newspaper is one of the main sources that people use to learn about what happens locally and internationally.
The newspaper is one of the ways of getting the news. Although the newspaper impart many worthy news to me , sometimes the news published in it is false . Hence I should not believe everything that I read in the newspapers.
Well, it is good to use the first voice (the word "I") only at the end of your intro while expressing your opinion. Let the other parts be more general.
The novel is based on a story about two Afghan women living in Kabul in the background of Anti-Soviet wars and the rise of Taliban regime.
Mariam who was born an illegitimate daughter whose father isof Jalili is forced at a young age into marryingthe marriage with Rasheed Laila moved out to go and live with her loved one Tariq and Mariam had to sacrifice herself because she killed Rasheed.
I am writing this letter requesting you to allow me to attend a training course on Chinese. Let me give you some details of the training as well the reason why I want to enrol for the training.
.... You need to be more specific as to what you are going to study; I am writing this letter in view of seeking your approval for attending the training course titled "Learn Chinese in English" which is offered by ABC Trainers, Singapore. I wish to explain the requirement of following this course and the details of the same for your consideration.
The world that we live in today is dominated by traffic problems.Some people tend to think that the only way to combat this problem is by decreasing the need to travel for work place,education and shopping.However,I believe that there are some other measures to tackle this issue.
I see a problem with your thesis statement (highlighted above) You need to express clearly to which extent you agree to the following statement;
The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel for work,education or shopping
.... so your final sentence in the intro should answer that and not about how to tackle the issue.
I agree with the school should provide equal financial support to courses, libraries and sports, social activities. A better education system should include various courses and activity. Thus, universities showing support to different classes and area to help them develop is significant. If the school takes side with only certain area, there must be some negative effect and thus having a bad influence on school. The following are my reasons.
You open your introduction with an expression of your opinion. Here you assume that the reader knows about the issue. However, it is better to introduce the issue to the reader first and then state your opinion.
Overall,both consumption and production of energy increased significantly from1950 to 2000,although the consumption of energy was higher than the production,with a rise of almost 35 units.Whereas,the figures up to 2025 show the gap between the use and production will widen and will reach almost 65 units difference in 2025.
Well, I assume this is your Overview part of the essay. In the overview you explain the main trend without the support of any details.
The first stage of the life cycle is startedoccurs when the queen layinglays 1 or 2 eggs once in 72 hours regularly. Then the eggs hatchwould be hatchedbetweenfor about 9 and 10 days to transformbefore they transform to nymph, immature form of an insect (stop here) Somesome parts of the eggs isare still surrounded in the nymph's body.
WhileWhen both parents are long gone for majoritynot around for most of the time during the day there would be no one to mpnitormonitor the activities of youndyoung children. First of all, one of the immediate problmeproblems would be that parents would have no idea of how a child has beenabout how their children performing in acadamicsstudies and by the time they would realize it would have beenbe toovery late.
becauseof all these causes,Due to these reasons, government needs to take certain actions to preventusing many cars and personal avtomobiles.discourage people of using private cars. First of all, government should increase public transportaiontransportation systemsmodels such as bus, cab, train and so forthetc.Therefore,theyThe government should also make them cheaperaffordable so that many people can use them. Secondly, petrol price should be more increased so,so that people might think before purchosewill be discouraged to use private vehicles. thirdlyThirdly, government should increase taxstaxes for driving private cars.
Hey... you've got feedbacks from at least three guys :D Something is better than nothing ....LOL To begin with, children coming from poorer families are more prone to have bad habits such as: crime, thievery and thuggery.get into bad behaviors such as thuggery, stealing, drug addiction etc. due to the socio-economic pressures they face.
In conclusion, I disagree with the opinion that children who are brought up in less well-ofwell off families are, likely, more successful in the future life due to aforementioned reasons.
You write too well and that's why you get lesser number of comments :D
Alright :D ... What I gave you in my previous post is also a suggestion ....lol ....let's do a model intro for you; Many people dream of becoming a celebrity (hook) However, being a celebrity is not always advantages and there are many issues that come along with fame. (background) Although celebrities have got to face such challenges, especially with regard to their privacy, I believe the advantages of being a celebrity outweigh the disadvantages (thesis statement)
After several industrialevolutionsrevolutions, we are heading to towards a world that its technological power is getting stronger and stronger. On account of this, people are arguing about is technology is helping people or leading people to a wrong way.
... I think you had meant "revolution", not "evolution" as evolution never stops. Evolution means "the gradual development of something" and Revolution means "an instance of revolving". There had been several industrial revolutions and new technologies do evolve almost every minute.
Further, I like if you improve the presentation of the second line in this background part of the intro.
Many people all over the world are tend to consider changes as a very positive trend, while others try to avoid them. ... Good approach for intro :)
In other words, after changing something it might be difficult to adapt into it the new environment and as a result, it may cause some very serious health problems.
....let me too give my inputs for this ; ... well, the first line is fine as it directly relates to your topic. But your example is some what vague. Your topic is more focused on the fact that major cities provide people a good understanding about its society. So, talking about educational institutes in major cities is some what a vague evidence. Educational institute, for example the universities, do not necessarily represent the features of that particular society because they can even be branches of some foreign entities and can have the influence of those societies.
Second of allSecondly , are nearlythe movie can take about maximumtwo hours and the film director cannot possibly accommodate every detail in the original book into the story line of the movie. Not only that the movie would exclude less sensational scenes to attract its audience, and so the producer of the movie will be forced to delete many scenes, which is very frustrationg .
We inherit certain characteristics and our abilitiesskills from our parents. Many great artists as well as musicians belong tocome from families who have the same skills they possess.that are with such artistic backgrounds.
On the other hand, people need to benurturedtraining to reach their fullest potential.
But, when a country makes its technological development, the traditional skills and ways of life in that country inevitably die out.
... this is the statement that explains the background of the issue. Better present this as a statement subject to argument because you are supposed to tell the reader about your opinion on this.
Your writing is totally out of topic. You have not understood the prompt well. Read it carefully and try to understand what it asks you.
Thanks. And could you please give me an example of a good introduction? thanks.
Ok, let's follow dumi's approach :) Many universities are very keen on maintaining a high level of student attendance in the classes. (hook) However, some people argue that attendance should not be a mandatory requirement at tertiary level of education. They argue that the main objective should be passing the examination and if the students can manage that without attending classes, then they should be allowed to do so. (Background). In my personal view, I believe that it is necessary for the students to attend classes at the university for several important reasons. (Thesis statement)
Also, what is the purpose of writing this essay? Is this a practice essay for TOEFL or IELTS? If so, this essay may be too lengthy because those exams have a major bearing on time and you need to finish them in about 30 mins. If this is written for one of those exams, then you better cut down your body paragraphs. Follow dumi's approach as it is the best to earn a good score and save time as well :)
Yes of course.... Here it should be always the diagram and not graph or chart. There are six types of essays for this task; 1. Line graphs 2. Bar charts 3. Pie charts 4. Table 5. Flow chart 6. Diagrams (like this task) There can be combination of these two - e.g. Line graph +bar chart
In addition what dumi said above, it is always better to include your full prompt or the question together with your writing. It provides us a good understanding about what the question really requires from you and accordingly they can align their comments.
Firstly, being strong in physically strong is a precursor to a young person even forto perform better in educational activities as well. In addition to this, non-educational doingsactivities enhance child'smentallymental capacity and, it is a blessing for a country's future.
it is quite inappropriate to write the introduction and the conclusion like that.
What do you mean by this? Do you mean my suggestion on your intro and the conclusion were inappropriate? If you think so, I would like to know your points because they would help me understand whether I am advising people in the right direction. I hope you would explain why you feel so, if my suggestion were inappropriate. I am requesting you to do that in a positive spirit with curiosity to know why you think so :)
Life is busy. Especially now, with communication technology and the Internet, the average day is full of hurried hustle and bustle: a constant parade of obligations, responsibilities, jobs, academics, and social events define my generation. Frankly, millennials can be pretty high-octane organizers. In many ways, it's a wonderful thing. One person can be more productive and communicate with more people over longer distances than ever before.
Well, I find all these things tell more general stuff and nothing specific about you. Your admission guys may have heard all these things million times and may get bored reading them over and over again. I wish you take more focus on to yourself. What is the place you are perfectly content? Why that place make you feel so? Those are the primary things they would want to know to understand you as a person. So, you need to portray your personality through this favorite place :)
Well, here you only express that you need the scholarship, but it does not really justify why you deserve this scholarship. You need to let them feel that you deserve winning it. So, tell why you need it - tell how difficult it is without this scholarship and also have more emotions in your writing for them to understand that you are committed to achieve your goals and this scholarship helps you in that task.
Where is the bar chart? You should have uploaded the image for us to have a closer look and provide you more relevant and meaningful comments. Upload the graph using the "Attch File(s)" feature in the Message Section (at the bottom).
It is clear thatOverall, local-fixed line was by far the most used telephone call type. Since this is a task on assessing your report writing skills, better you an appropriate tone for report writing.
The best source of information on this topic is Google. Why not google to gather material to stuff in your essay. :D I found the following link when I searched on this ; listverse.com/2007/10/21/top-10-moral-dilemmas/ You would find loads of similar threads and first, gather material, then decide on what you are going to use in your essay and then organize them in a logical order. Finally pen down on your draft and post the draft here for us to provide feedbacks for you :)
When you hear the word "censorship", what comes to your mind? Do you think of oppressive governments and dictatorships using it as an instrument of manipulationto manipulate ? These are common images of censorship, all of which are correct, but they paint a negative picture of the issue, making it seem as though censorship is an entirely evil entity that only destroys.only destroys our freedom.
This sentence is too long and therefore less interesting. Do not write very lengthy sentences as they get you carried away at the end of the line. You have several spelling mistakes too. Pay attention to your spelling because such errors may steal your marks. Also, pay attention to the approach suggested by dumi. Your body paras need to contain specific examples to support your reasoning.
Taking the advantages as first, it is obvious that gap year opens up avenue for you to gain real-life experience.
Here, you are using the same second person voice (you) which refers to your examiner (as dumi has mentioned above, this applies to IELTS and TOEFL and if your purpose is one of them then you need to pay attention to this point ) I think it is better you avoid second person voice for this task because it might sound as if you are giving instructions to your examiner. See the following video clip which well explains about these voices;
Secondly is Derawan Island. This place is a small island and found near by tarakanTarakan and it takes only 3 hours by shipboat.(boat even refers to large cruises) Your trip go to Derawan will be amazing because during inthe journey you will lookexperience good views such as wonderful islands with animal epidemicamazing wildlife. Derawan Island has blue water and pure water so that you can snorkel, dive or enjoy your place.
Ever since I had learned the basics of Dutch vocabulary, my mother languagemother tongue, at the age of two; my mother and grandmother taughtbegan to teach me to speak and understand French. Both of them too, had been able to speak the language at a very young age as well.
This was a privilege gavegiving me a head start on the other pupils as I was able to concentrate on all the other classes instead of struggling to learn a new language.
Always I like do design buildings and I enjoy it when I start to think about how I can design a new building, ...
.... this sentence is way too long and it makes the reader really bored. There is lots of redundancy too ;
Always I always like doto design buildings and I enjoy it when I start to think about how I can design a new building,love this experience. (you are repeating the same idea here) I can't feel how time has passed and I build my design in my mind with all of the details and until I finish my design I think about my work in bed, bathroom, when I driving a car and so forth and I can't stopped it then I finish my design I move it from my head to paper or computer and this work is the best hobby for me and I never been tired when I work.... I think this is a bit overly done :(
With the skills and experience gained from my master's degree studies, I will contribute greatly to Ghana's energy development by supporting the economic and finance components of the energy sector specifically as an energy economist- applying different methods of energy appraisals to government specified goals, development and advisory; with the aim to encourage investment in modern forms of renewable energy and infrastructure expansion to increase power supply.
This is too long :( When you lengthen the sentences , the reader's interest would also start to decline as the reader needs to memorize too many details :( Write shorter sentences and avoid repeating the same idea.
With the skills and experience gained from my master's degreepost graduate studies, I will contribute greatly to Ghana's energy development by supporting the economic and finance components of the energy sector. (stop here and start a new sentence for the next idea)
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