Undergraduate / 'Improve Turkmenistan' MOTIVATION LETTER for International Business Management degree. [2]

My Motivation Letter for international Business management / undergraduate.
Is there anything else I should add ?
Thank you in advance :)

The Awareness of being a citizen of one of the countries with the highest unemployment in the world has never satisfied me. I have always tried to bring some changes to my Motherland but my impacts have only laid in the small corners of my town. My dream to improve Turkmenistan made me follow the path to the BSEL with its strong systems to inducing leadership and intellectuality in every student.

I have been interested in business and international relations as long as I can remember, and have enjoyed studying languages, travelling, learning different cultures. A successful International Business Management degree will provide me an excellent foundation for a career in companies and organizations active in an international environment.

Moreover the BSEL offers a pleasant, modern atmosphere that is ideal for studying. I can't think of a better place to pursue a major in Business management than the BSEL. Also it's highly recognition on international level is another advantage for me. Partnership of the BSEL with 156 universities worldwide and close relationship with the business world with over 480 companies promises me more diversity of the student body and internship in big companies. From which I could get a valuable experience that would benefit my future.

Not only do the courses sound fascinating, but it is my dream to live in cosmopolitan and international city like Berlin. With it's unlike wealth of traditions and culture, as I learned from my last month trip.

As a result of the events in my life, leadership has quickly become my primary goal. I am extremely interested in pursuing and developing all of the skills required reaching this goal, and The BSEL will give me an excellent opportunity for that.

Undergraduate / I maintain all As & in the top 10; Earlham C- Why I'm academically prepared! [3]

In determining academic ability and college readiness, the College has given particular weight to a student's performance in college-preparatory or college-level courses and the quality of their chosen academic program. Please comment on how you believe your academic preparation, growth or motivation has prepared you to attend an academically challenging college like Earlham.

I maintain almost all A's and am in the top 10 at my school. In this current school year, I have also spent a lot of time to extra-curricular activities, clubs, volunteering and teaching.I have demonstrated an ability to perform competently during classroom activities and lectures. although, I believe that I did not perform not even close to my absolute (or utmost, your choice) ability since I feel, that I was not challenged to perform to my fullest capacity.

Being a Future Exchange Student (FLEX) program alumna does demonstrate my character and potential as a future leader .While in the United States, my scholastic abilities and leadership potential were thrust into the forefront of my personality. I was not just an ordinary teenage student at my host high school, I was an ambassador and representative of my country. I had to exceed at the expectations placed before me, both academically and socially, and be able to demonstrate myself to my full potential.

Do i answer the PROMPT ?
what should i remove or add ?
Any critics are WELCOMED (@_@)

Undergraduate / How I envision my studies at COA/ Career Goals [4]

How do you envision your studies at COA fitting in with your overall educational and career goals?

The Awareness of being a citizen of one of the countries with the highest unemployment in the world has never satisfied me. I have always tried to bring some changes to my Motherland but my impacts have only laid in the small corners of my town. My dream to improve green technologies in Turkmenistan made me follow the path to COA with its strong systems to inducing leadership and intellectuality in every student teaching them to take up challenges and never give up, become a worldwide citizen, get useful knowledge and skills in all areas.

Please can you check my grammar.
And do i answer the prompt ?
there is a 500 characters limit.
Any critics are welcomed :)
Thank you!

Undergraduate / BENNINGTON/supplement/running list/ short answer [3]

I have 3 short answers,

How did you first hear about Bennington College? Please be specific.
I found a list of colleges, which was hanging on the wall at Mary American Corner that met full financial-need, made a research online and decided that best one for me is Bennington.

The Office of Admissions keeps a running reading list. If you could contribute one book to the list, what would it be and why?
Ruhnama will be my choice as it is represents the basis of my nation's arts and literature, Turkmen culture, tradition and history. Written by our first president S. Niyazov. It will impact on the diversity of Bennington and give an image of what my country is about.

For seven weeks each winter Bennington students take their interests to the world, participating in an annual internship period called Field Work Term. Please tell us about a business or organization whose work fascinates you or with whom you might like to work.

I would like to take internship in a City Hall which would benefit my future. I want to improve my city and country. I will start from my City Hall. I learned from visiting Cincinnati City Hall; my country's system must be modified. I am interested in Turner Construction Company or U.S. Green Building Council as they build or review green technology buildings which my county needs specialists in.

What attracts you to Bennington College?. (300 characters)

One thing I Love it ,the cooperation between the faculty and undergraduate students, the sense of community, and the flexible, interdisciplinary nature of the curriculum, opportunity for international students for need based scholarship,it is amazing.

Is this one good ? can you check my grammar too please,
Feel free to add something... :)

Any critics are WELCOME :) espacially for secon one :)
(@_@)

Undergraduate / "Emancipating potential", directly answers my desire/ Bates Sup /Mission statement [6]

In addition to the Common Application essay, please select one phrase from the Bates mission statement below and comment on how it inspires you and draws you to Bates (1-2 paragraphs).

Since 1855, Bates College has been dedicated to the emancipating potential of the liberal arts. Bates educates the whole person through creative and rigorous scholarship in a collaborative residential community. With ardor and devotion - Amore ac Studio - we engage the transformative power of our differences, cultivating intellectual discovery and informed civic action. Preparing leaders sustained by a love of learning and a commitment to responsible stewardship of the wider world, Bates is a college for coming times.

"The emancipating potential of the liberal arts" is a phrase that symbolizes a Bates education's ability to free somebody from the inability to see the world in different ways. It will permit for a student to see differences in people, thus "emancipating" them from in acceptance of others. A symbol of Bates is its close, small community of students committed to increasing their understanding. These students have a variety of cultures, values, and ideas. Knowledge of these differences helps a student to realize that all types of people have amazing abilities that should be respected and encouraged. A student who comes in contact with different races, cultures, and religions on a daily basis will truly understand how each human is unique. If a student is unable to realize this fact, they may become close-minded, making them intolerant and unaware of others' opinions, values, and emotions. Bates' liberal arts education changes this by forming a melting-pot of a community that aides people's connection with people who are different than them.

"Emancipation" from ignorance is another vital payoff of an education in the liberal arts. The lack of focus on one major subject allows for a student to understand the world around them more clearly. This is done by showing a student how the world works through many different points of view. A business student may see a simple vacant lot as economic opportunity; a biology student may view the exact same scene as a multitude of interactions between organisms and their environment. If you can see the various ways people understand how the world works, you can take each of those lenses and apply them to solve any problem. An info tech-intensive student would never be able to understand crowd dynamics. But if they possessed an understanding of sociology, however, they would easily be able to understand complex human interactions. An education in the liberal arts is able to free one's mind from the constraints of intolerance and ignorance, and a college such as Bates is able to provide this "emancipation."

Bates' mission statement, "emancipating potential", directly answers my desire. Now I understand that schooling should not only mechanical module to indoctrinate knowledge, but should also act as motivating source that would allow me to reach my maximum capability. This is why I am convinced that Bates is the right school for me.

CRITICS ARE WELCOME (@_@)

Undergraduate / "WAKE up, your liaison is here"; Common app/Short answer/ [5]

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

"WAKE up, your liaison is here" yield my host mom and disturbed my dream on lovely Sunday, It was time to go to volunteer with other exchange students and serve lunch to homeless people. My opinion was "people become poor or homeless because they are just lazy". I was thinking it will be waste of time to volunteer to serve food and was not happy about it, but it was matter of time."I lost my family and my home." these words were uttered to me by a beggar with dilated eyes looking to get his lunch. He was young and nonthreatening, so I offered him a cup of coffee and a listening ear. Limping along, Anthony followed me to the empty table. Tales of death, loneliness, heroin addiction and despair soon followed. It seemed unfathomable that such a young man, only five years older than I at the time, had experienced such a lifetime of hardships. He lifted his jeans, revealing the reason for his limp: an infected, fetid leg caused by his constant injection of heroin. Anthony's physical and emotional pain was tangible. His light-green eyes evoked nothing more than sadness. A strange uneasiness ensued after my encounter with Anthony. The devastating sight that I beheld first hand that day served as a catalyst for change in my life. Something had to be done; like Anthony's homelessness, my newly found passion for aiding unfortunate people continued to blossom. From that moment I am taking any opportunities that allow me to help people who need it.

It suppose to be 1000 characters but it is about 1400, please help to make it shorter.
And is it written good ?
Any grammar mistakes?

Thank you :)

Undergraduate / "There is no higher religion than human service........"/Bowdoin Sup/ Common good [4]

Hey, guys! This is my supplement for Bowdoin please critique as harsh as possible and I'll return the favor!

Bowdoin students and alumni often cite world-class faculty and opportunities for intellectual engagement, the College's commitment to the Common Good, and the special quality of life on the coast of Maine as important aspects of the Bowdoin experience. Reflecting on your own interests and experiences, please comment on one of the following:

1. Intellectual engagement
2. The Common Good
3. Connection to place

"There is no higher religion than human service. To work for the common good is the greatest creed" said President Woodrow Wilson. So what is the common good? All people have their own definition of this phrase to me it's to bring a change. Devotion to the common good is the dissolution of dominating self-absorption, yielding to the greater needs of the world at large.

Last summer Volunteered to teach Kids project at Mary American Corner and learnt a lot from it. In order for kids to understand the theories in better way and to keep their interest in lessons, I needed to be an inspiring teacher. I started to combine humor, games and discussions and at times told them stories of my own childhood. Teaching them how to be independent while learning how grows as part of group. During the course this attachment was one of the meaningful things of my life I grew attached to many of the children. I plan to participate in any opportunity where I can help to bring a change in the peoples' thinking, to give them an out of a box experience.

We cannot afford to wait for someone else to help us.
In Bowdoin, I wish to learn effective ways of pursuing the common good by learning from different professors and students through the works of cooperation.

Please check my grammar
and feel free to add something .
Thank you

Undergraduate / Contribution to home country/ BEREA College APP; Educational Overview/ Plans [17]

1. An overview of your educational and life experiences;
2. What you plan to do after completing your education;
3. Why you wish to return (or not return) to your home
country;
4. Description of ways you have positively impacted your
community.

"Never give up" were the last words my grandfather spoke to me before he passed away when I was 5.
Since then, I remember those words every time I face failure. My grandfather named me "Serdar" which means "leader". He hoped I will be a leader and make an impact on our community. I fully intend to honor his final wish for me.

In April, 2011, I got a call from American Councils saying that I was a finalist in the Future Leaders Exchange Program (FLEX). The FLEX Program provides scholarships for high school students from Eurasia to spend an academic year in the United States. The students live with a host family and attend an American high school. Every year about 30,000 students apply for the program and only about 800 are accepted. One of them was me! So far in my life, it has been my greatest achievement. I am sure it is just the beginning because I have always been one of the best students in my class and in my school, plus I started learning English at 7 years old, all may have helped with my acceptance into the FLEX program.

I wanted to be a businessman for a while now, but it took me couple years to figure out that being a businessman does not necessarily have to benefit only me. While I was in United States I spent time volunteering and serving food to poor people. I realized how many people there are in the world that need food or just warm clothes.

My time in the United States opened my eyes and gave me the vision and the courage to see the problems in my country. Turkmenistan has a large percentage of unemployment. Some sources say the Turkmen unemployment rate is as high as 40-60 percent. When I pass through my neighborhoods, I see many underfed children in old, tattered clothes. Seeing conditions like this in my country just freezes my blood. Until I came to the United States, I did not realize that the people of my country do not need to live this way.

Now that I am back in Turkmenistan and have finished my last year of high school, I try to volunteer as much as I can. I assist the elderly at their homes and teach classes in the American Corner. It is my desire that others may also get a better education and that their education will help improve our community. I realize that 17 year old high school student, even one with huge ambitions, may not be enough to make an impact in the community. For these reasons I am trying to get the best education I can. I want to start making bigger changes to improve my own city and country.

My first weeks after coming back from USA were really difficult for me. After spending a year in Kentucky, being totally immersed in the American culture, I was comparing people in America to people in Turkmenistan. I saw that Turkmen people are rude, mean and self-centered, but they are still my people. Ironically, these traits are the same ones I possessed when I arrived in the U.S. Just ask my host mom!

Even though I want to go to college in the USA, I still want to return to my home country when my education in complete. Living standards are lower in Turkmenistan than in the United States or many other places, but I would like to change that. I am a big patriot of my country but I am not nationalist. I can now see the good in my country and those things that must improve. There are changes that must take place for the people in my community. I am willing to attempt to make changes, but I can't do it alone.

When I talk to other people about studying in the United States, they tell me that I would not return or should not return to my home country. The biggest disappointment, though, came from my parents. They told me that they did not want me to go overseas to study, fearing that I would not return. It was really hard to convince them that there are far better education opportunities in the United States than there are in Turkmenistan.

My dream to study in the United States started a long time ago, even before I was accepted into the FLEX scholarship program. The biggest hurdle to realizing my dream is that education in the USA is expensive, especially for an international student. On one of my return flights to Turkmenistan, I was sitting next to a woman from Zimbabwe. We started talking about studying and education. She told me she was an undergraduate student at Yale, and she is now getting her master's degree at Stanford. She said she only had to pay the application fee. I was excited. If she could do it, I can do it too. Meeting her reaffirmed my desire to attend school in the United States. She also told me the first thing I should do is just believe in myself, which I do.

Therefore I am eager to apply my energy, experience and enthusiasm to a learning institution such as Berea College.
I have millions of dreams but I am not a dreamer.

Is my essay covers all topics ?
is there any grammar mistakes ?
should i add something more ?
Critics are welcomed
Thank you

Undergraduate / Where I am FROM ? COMMON APP/ "Ukranian Mom & Turkmen Dad" [3]

Where are you from? (Please answer this in any way you'd like-geographically, culturally, artistically, politically, etc.)

The question "Where are you from?" should be easy to answer. This is why many people ask this question to a stranger in the first 5 minutes of a conversation. For me, the duty of compulsory small-talk is unbelievably stressful. The poor, unsuspecting stranger is expecting a one-phrase answer detailing my birthplace, or my current location, or at the very most: both. Yet this question is my cue to begin telling half of my life story. This is where I feel a twinge of remorse for the stranger who displayed the courtesy to attempt small-talk with me.

Here is my story: my mother is Ukrainian and my father is a Turkmen. I was born- not raised - in Yekaterinburg, Russia. When I was 2, we moved to Mary, Turkmenistan. This is where the stranger expects me to finish my story, but unfortunately, the bombardment of information is yet to conclude.

"Oh, and for a year, I lived in Cincinnati, United States." By the time I reveal this detail, the stranger's eyes have grown grotesquely wide in fascination and curiosity.

I often invent ways to condense my essay-esque answer, yet I always come to the same dead end: how does one condense his roots when he has so many?

My mother-tongue is Russian: My pride in mastering it is unparalleled as it represents my heritage, my nationality. Learning English on top of Russian was, however, one of the biggest challenges I have ever faced.

Then there is my Turkmen side. I live in Turkmenistan and I do speak Turkmen. My iron will and my natural haggling abilities are apparent thanks to my Turkmen upbringing. Furthermore, I feel it is my duty to dispel the falsehood of Middle Eastern stereotypes: "I do not live in a dessert, we do not ride camels every day, and I am not, in any shape or form, a terrorist." Turkmenistan taught me the concept of respect and tolerance: respect for my elders, and tolerance for the multitude of different cultures within Turkmen society.

Finally, there is my American side. In the past year, the United States chiseled me into the independent person I never thought I could be. Relying on myself for everything not only reinforces my anxiety for life in host family, It also instilled in me a sense of responsibility that, until a year ago, was unbeknownst to me. Cincinnati widened my perspective of this world. I no longer live there, but I stand as living proof for the old clichĂŠ: 'home is where the heart is.' Some part of my heart will eternally be in Cincinnati.

I am from, therefore, a mix of Eurasian and Middle Eastern cultures and heritages, with a recent immersion in life in the United States.
My conclusion is that roots are impossible to condense. The more one tries, the more one's sense-of-self is lost. Russia, Ukraine, Turkmenistan and United States are all part of me. Without them, this essay, these thoughts, and, in short, 'I' would not be. So, the stranger better be prepared to hear my honest, all-embracing answer, or not ask the question. Perhaps next time, I could hand him a copy of this essay, and having read it, perhaps he will be a stranger no more.

Please check my grammar and smoothness of essay and other sings :)
Thank you.

Undergraduate / Common App/ Why Colby? the one place that most spoke to my interests [2]

Briefly describe how your interest in Colby developed and why you have decided to apply for admission.

I looked in too a lot of colleges online over the year, yet Colby is the one place that most spoke to my interests. Early in my college search I learned that I prefer a liberal arts college to a larger university. The cooperation between the faculty and undergraduate students, the sense of community, and the flexible, interdisciplinary nature of the curriculum are all important to me. Also, my high school experience was greatly enriched by the diversity of the student body, and I am impressed by Colby's rich history .To say the least, I'd be proud to say that I attended one of the best liberal art colleges in the United States.

I plan to major in Economics at Colby. After my researches, I took some extra time to learn more about financial aid for international students. Getting a scholarship is one of the main things to me. Colby gives a great opportunity with its financial aid program for international students. I am also impressed by Colby's Jan plan, and it's environmental studies. I'm drawn to a program that supports the move from classroom learning to creative hands-on, real-world applications.

Finally, as the rest of my application clearly demonstrates, becoming a leader is a most important part of my life. I've been working on it whole my life and I hope to continue performing and developing my skills throughout college. What better place than Colby to do so?

Can you please check my grammar and maybe add something ...