Writing Feedback / [IELTS TASK 2] Some sectors request many well-qualified people - career choices for young generation [8]

What do you feel will be most popular career choices for young people in your country in the next five years? Explain your answer with examples

Some people expect to be an expert. In my country, several sectors are predicted to the most popular career preferences for young people in the next five years ago. In my opinion, I believe that economic and technological sectors will be delighted in.

First of all, the economic growth arouses people's interest to involve in. My country, Indonesia, is a developing country which the average of economic growth has increased to around 5% a year. This fact creates a positive effect for young people to learn about trade and play the stock market which provide many vocations. For example, in 2015, Asian trade market will be begun and there is no restricted to take a job across Asian countries. This policy arises an opportunity for young people to go on an economy drive in the internal and external country. As a result, economic will be chosen by young people as a strategic working sector.

In the second opinion, technological sector has been growing with many subcategories which need many innovative and creative workers. Firstly, creative design animation results in high salary and gives job satisfaction for some people who can think creatively and have a natural ability in the art such animation movie. In addition, Indonesia has built a technological infrastructure to implement 4G network. So, this country will absorb many experts to deal with some stakeholders and three party contractors in win-win solution. Finally, many companies have altered the method of business process from manual process to automatic process. Those companies require a system, enterprise resources planning, which can integrate all internal divisions to connect each other. This application needs some experts to operate and maintain regularly. It is obvious that technological sector supply many job vacancies.

In conclusion, those sectors which are mentioned above request many well-qualified people to join with. However, it seems to me that other sectors, entertainment and education, should be encouraged to catch young people's attention to work with.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS TASK 1] Personal savings in five countries [4]

The table below shows personal savings as a percentage of personal income for selected countries in 1970, 1990 and 2000.

The table indicates how people in Canada, France, Germany, Italy, United Kingdom, America and Japan save their personal income from 1970 to 2000 and is measured in percentage.

Overall, it can be seen that the percentage of personal income declines in six countries in the timeframe, while the figure of Britons has the reverse pattern.

The largest percentage of personal income was recorded by Italians in 1970. Then followed by people in France, this figure for personal saving stood at 18.7%. In terms of personal income, Canada as the lowest percentage was 5.6% of all countries. Like France, this figure of personal saving in Italy, Japan, United Kingdom and America experienced a dramatic downward in 1990. However, the proportion of personal income in Canada inclined suddenly to 11.5 percent. Interestingly, the figure of personal saving in Germany remained reasonably stable at 13.8 per cent between 1970 and 1990.

Turning to the figure in 2000, Canadian held the lowest percentage of personal income in all countries. Standing in contrast, the figure of people in France and Japan who saved their money witnessed a slight increase from around 12.1% to 13.6% between 1990 and 2000, a rise of about 1.5 percent in a year. Following this, the percentage of personal income in Germany also saw a steady upward in the post of reunification.

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Writing Feedback / The highest number of fishers was experienced by Asia in 1970 - [IELTS TASK 1] [2]

The chart and table show the number of fishers in millions for different regions between 1970, 1980 and 2000, and the world's top ten exporters of fish in 2000

The bar chart illustrates the population of fishers in Asia, Africa, South America, North America and Europe, and is measured in millions from 1970 to 2000. However, the table compares the top ten exporters of fishing in 2000.

It is noticeable that the population of fishers inclines in five countries. However, the number of fishers in Asia dominates and records the top exporters of fishing.

The highest number of fishers was experienced by Asia in 1970. Whereas the figure of Africa, South America stood at around 1.2 million fishers, North America and Europe fishers held the lowest percentage in all countries. In any case, the population of Asian fishers increased significantly from 15 million to 24 million between 1980 and 2000, a rise of about 9 million in a year. Standing in contrast, the number of African, South American and North American fishers leveled off from 1980 to 2000 at 2 million and 1.2 million. In 2000, the figure of European fishers had gradual rebound to the same number in the first period at 6 million.

Turning to the table for world's top ten exporters of fish, in 2000, Thailand became the top exporter of fish. Then Norway followed in the second position and America held the third position in top ten exporters of fish. However, there were five countries of Asia which recorded in the list of top ten exporters of fish in 2000.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS - The largest percentage of land transports is recorded by the private cars [4]

The diagrams below give information on transport and car use in Edmonton.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart provides information what the mean of transports are preferred by people in Edmonton, categorized by private and public transport, while the table illustrates why people use the car in urban area.

It is noticeable that people tend to drive a car to do some activities and the figure of using cars holds the largest proportion of other means. In any case, business activities support the distinct reasons why the private cars are chosen as a comfortable transportation in city.

The largest percentage of land transports is recorded by the private cars which beat just under a half, 45%, while coming out the second place is light rail transit which gain 35 percent of the whole proportion. Standing in contrast, each figure of bus and taxi stands at one in ten and those means of transport are the last option for people to deliver in some places.

In contrast to this, working activities, work and business reasons, reach a significant proportion at 100%. Whereas, people are usually taking children to school coming in the third reason of using a car in metropolitan area, the shopping and leisure activities have a minority reasons to drive a private car, at 30 per cent.

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Writing Feedback / [IELTS TASK 1] A report about consumption of energy in the USA [6]

The graph below given information from a 2008 report about consumption of energy in the USA since 1980 with projections until 2030.

The line graph compares how Americans use six different energies from 1980 to 2030, a period of 50 year. This report was taken in 2008 and it is measured in quadrillion units.

It is noticeable that petrol and oil are the popular energies which beat the largest amount of consuming in the whole period, whereas nuclear and solar figures have a similar pattern. The following over period four energy resources incline slowly, while nature gas and hydropower remain reasonably stable.

In 1980, nuclear, solar and hydropower energies stood at the same figures which held at just under 5 quadrillion units, although petrol and oil energies reached the largest number of consuming in 35 quadrillion units. Moreover, petrol oil and natural gas followed the same graphic which was a gradual increase following 15 years at just under 40 and 25 quadrillion units. In any case, the hydropower energy recorded a steady decline at approximately 4 quadrillion units in 2000.

A closer look at the data reveals that petrol oil, coal, nuclear and solar powers have significantly risen since 2005 to 2013. Those figures will rise slightly onward, exceeding the consuming of hydropower and natural gas energies will level off between 2015 and 2030.

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Writing Feedback / [IELTS TASK 2] Several languages die out in the world [4]

Hello friends, I hope you wanna review my essay. I did IELTS simulation with my classmate in this morning and I wrote this essay about 34 minutes, but I realize I got many mistake in grammar and lexical resources.

Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Language is a symbol of our nation. Recently, some languages disappear year-by-year and many people argue that this phenomenon is not giving a bad impact for people life if in this world has fewer languages. However, I believe this statement is reasonable, but I tend to agree that several languages have fundamentally different characteristic.

On the one hand, living in this world with fewer languages is simple. People can communicate to others easily and they can widen networking around the world without a hazard. An obvious example can be seen in the developed countries where almost people use English language as a mother language. Thus, they can perform a monetary transaction in the economic global and arouse someone interest to invest much money in their company with a great communication skill. So, limited languages to interact with people result flexibility and provide a great accuracy.

On the other hand, it is felt that many kinds of language from each nation should be encouraged as an inheritance. Firstly, traditional languages should not be neglected because it is an identity of each country. Indonesia, for example, has many traditional languages but many Indonesian are not keen on learning about. They tend to study other International languages such as English and Germany language, so Indonesian's culture will not exist. In addition, some languages are a history and take a part in this world. People who live in the modern era can absorb the differences history as per each language, with Arabic language; Muslims know how prophet struggled to keep their religion. Consequently, all languages must be protected due to a crucial aspect of human life.

In conclusion, it seems to me that fewer languages in the earth only show us how to keep in touch with modern situation, while many languages avoid to pass up a chance of seeing the past and future circumstance. I believe that people should appreciate the different languages and should not be neglected them.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] proportion of watching television and videos (Australian children) [4]

The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian children.
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown.

The bar chart compares how Australian children spend their spare time in the different activities and it measured in percent, between girls and boys group aged 5-14.

It is noticeable that watching television or videos is the popular activities for both sexes. Whereas almost all activities are dominated by boys, only in the art and craft activities has lower percentage than the figure of girls.

With regard to outdoor activities, boys' figure holds higher percentage than girls in the skateboarding or rollerblading activities, at just under 40 and just over 20 percent. Moreover, the boys also prefer to ride a bike if compare to the girls.

Turning to indoor activities, the proportion of watching television and videos for both sexes beats the same figure at 100%. However, electronic or computer games are predominately an activity by boys rather than girls, at around 81 and 60 percent. The percentage of women, the art and craft activities, is the highest in, though like boys only have approximately 35%.

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Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Prisons have various purposes [5]

Some people believe that punishment is the only purpose of prisons, while others believe that prisons exist for various reasons. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The number of crime increases significantly. Numerous people argue that the main purpose of prisons is punishment, while others regard that there are some reasons why prisons are built. However, I believe both views have different perspective.

Supports of punishment state that the main purpose of prisons is to punish some people who commit in crime. These days, the level of criminality in urban areas inclines, and it should be measured by sending people in the jail. A case in point, many people use internet to take over some money from virtual account of bank's consumers. This case is utmost dangerous and sometimes it is difficult to be tracked by transaction history in internet banking. As a result, some experts and government must set a policy to measure this problem and result a fixed punishment. As a result, this solution can prevent crime and jails are the place of criminal to accept a fixed punishment.

On the other hand, reforming people is the second purpose of prisons. Firstly, people who occupy the jails can learn about sawing the clothes, drawing a landscape and studying botanical. Those activities are deserved for criminals in order to improve their skills and can be used after moving out prisons. In addition, buskers and baggers can live in prisons which settle many people who do not have an accommodation. When they have a place to stay in certain period, it means that the poverty can be reduced and the number of crimes will disappear. Finally, some skills teach in prisons can help prisoners to be independent and to be brief to face the world. Thus, prisons have other purposes in order to keep many people without housing.

In conclusion, it seems to me that jails are a place to send criminal by fixed punishment and an area for criminals to study about many skills. However, I believe that prisons should become a comfortable home for homeless.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Do guns can really increase the level of violence? [7]

Hello friends, this prompt impresses me to write an essay. I really need your suggestion to improve my writing skill. Thanks in advance.

Some people believe that if a police force carries guns, this encourages higher level of violence in that society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

The number of criminality is increase rapidly throughout the world. Some inhabitants argue that this case appears because the guns are always used by a police to solve a criminal act. Personally, I tend to disagree with this statement, while I believe that other factors contribute a slight incline level of violence.

On the one hand, I agree that a police holds a responsibility to tackle of violence in the urban or suburban areas using a gun. An obvious example of this happens in The United State, a man killed more than ten people in the cinema using a weapon, while a police shot in the foot to paralyze him. Obviously, police officers can force a criminal to surrender, because they have a weapon which will prevent an escaping criminal who poses a serious danger to the public. As a result, some military weapons need encouraging for police officers to protect the public and minimize the rate of violence.

On the other hand, there are some reason why the level of bloody increases significantly in the communities. Firstly, the number of unemployment rate has risen to 15 percent in several globalized and non-globalized countries. Many well-qualified and well-educated person cannot earn some money to live comfortably. Secondly, cost of living in the big city is extremely expensive, so this problem impresses some people who live under the poverty line to do anything to pay their basic needs. Many baggers chose to be a pickpocket in the public transport, for instance.

In conclusion, it seems to me that the guns which are used by police have not been a trigger of higher level of violence. However, some cases occupy a crucial reason to do a criminality in society such unemployment. In my view, the main focus is decreasing a level of unemployment to avoid a criminal act.