Writing Feedback / MALE AND FEMALE FITNESS MEMBERSHIP BETWEEN 1970 AND 2000 [4]

MALE AND FEMALE FITNESS MEMBERSHIP BETWEEN 1970 AND 2000

The bar chart reveals the proportion of fitness membership for a period of thirty years, between 1970 and 2000. Generally, the number of men and women who were registered as fitness members time by time had a fluctuation.

In 1970, the number of female fitness membership was very low which only 1000. However, it grew for 100 percent in the following five years. Despite it decreased slightly in 1980, it climbed again in the next five years to almost 3000. After declining to just above 2000, it inclined again to the same number with ten years before it. In 2000, its number decreased for around 25 percent to 2000.

Simultaneously, the amount of male was also increased 100 percent from 1970 to 1975. However, in those five years, it was 100 percent higher than women as well. In 1980, its number fell to around 1500 and continued fell to just under 2000 in 1985, but increased slightly in 1990 to just above 2000. There was a dramatic rise 1995. The number was 5000. However, it fell sharply to 1000 in 2000.

Overall, the total of male fitness membership between 1970 and 2000 was higher than female fitness membership.

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Writing Feedback / International Graduates, Canadian Universities, 2001-2006 [4]

Given is bar chart compares the overseas graduates number of Canadian colleges who come from eight provinces.

Overall, from all provinces, none of them had more than 7% graduations in 2001, but one of those regions was successful to get almost 12% graduations in the following years.

A more detailed, look at the graph shows in 200, the 4 biggest percentage overseas graduations came from New Brunsick, Nova Scotia, Quebec, and Alberta (there were around 7%, 6.5%, 6.1% and 5.7% respectively). While, the 4 least numbers were attained by Ontario, Newfoundland and Labrador, Manitoba, and British Columbia (there were just approximately 3.2%, 3.5%, 3.6% and 4.9% respectively).

In contrast, there had been significant increase in almost all provinces' graduation numbers in 2006. The highest improvement was achieved by British Columbia which was successful to get 6% additional graduations. Whereas, the worst improvement happened on the number of Alberta's students which decreased by more than 1%.

In conclusion, universities in Canada graduated more international students in 2006 than in 2001.

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Writing Feedback / Televised talent shows is not only to entertain [9]

Is talent shows a good method of finding talented people or just an entertainment?

Worldwide attention goes into TV talent shows. For some people, this is a good way to find star quality. For some others, this is for the purpose of entertainment. Both views have strong arguments. However, I believe this is a design to please the talented people starting their career.

This show selects the contestants in almost all big cities in Indonesia freely. The zero charge of selection registration allows as many people as possible to take a part. It cannot be doubted that the more people joining this selection, the bigger the chance to find those best. Furthermore, this selection is opened to all people without limiting on their social and economy status. This competition is not only joined by high economy class singer, but also by many singing beggars. Veri AFI, a young man who comes from an impoverished family, previously spent his time to sing around traffic lamp to earn money, but nowadays he has become a great start. In addition, the involvement of experienced jurists in this process maintains the reliability of the assessment and bolsters the excellence of input.

After selected, those finalists are trained to be the professional ones. To produce a high quality output, they are facilitated with many great trainers, sophisticated training tools and even luxurious homestay. Then, every week, the learning progress is examined through a fantastic show which is broadcasted by a television station. Not only jurists but also the watchers involve in the rating process. To intensify the training, jurists eliminate the lowest rated contestant every week. Citra Idol who was successful to keep going until the last show in Indonesian Idol has already made a good own career as famous singer after finishing their contract with particular TV station.

From this long process, the entertainment aspect is only visible in the show step. So, it is hardly to judge that this event emphasizes not in recruitment process. To conclude, it proves illusory that talented show is more entertaining rather than finding out talented people.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: International Graduations of Canadian Colleges; New Brunswick highest % [4]

The bar graph compares the number of international graduations of Canadian colleges from 2001 to 2006.

Graduate number of each province rose during the five years generally and the highest number in each the two mentioned years, 2001 and 2006, happened on New Brunswick. At almost 7 percent in 2001 and 11% in 2006, the international graduations of New Brunswick university was the highest among the other universities of those provinces in both years. On the other hand, Ontario graduated the lowest number of overseas learners in its college.

Looking more closely at the percentage change between the two years, this was clearly the most marked for British Columbia's international graduations. Overseas students who completed their study in New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, and British Columbia experienced between 20% and 60% lower in 2001 than in 2006, which means that the three greatest level of quantity improvement took place in these provinces. Meanwhile, Alberta experienced degradation number of its international graduations. In addition, the colleges in Manitoba and Newfoundland and Labrador awarded degree to the same number of their international students over that period.

Overall, those universities in 2006 produce more international graduations than their counterpart in 2001.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1. University graduates, Canada, 1992-2007 [3]

Hello, I'm in preparation of IELTS. Pleas help me with this essay!! ^______^

The line chart regards to comparison rate of Canada university graduates in men and women from 1992 to 2007.

As an overall trend, it is clear that the graduate numbers inclined during one and half decades and the gap between the number of men and women grew extensively from year to year. Furthermore, woman always dominated the proportion of the graduation.

A more detailed, look at the graph reveals that the growth experienced fluctuation. The graduate numbers increased steeply between 1992 and 2001, and the ratio between male and female was flattened as well thus showing less marked difference. In 1992, only below 100,000 females and 70,000 males graduated from university and considered as the lowest number graduations over those 15 years. After 2001, however, those numbers saw an extremely stronger increase than those seen in the early 1990s then continued to reach their peak in 2007.

Clearly, the trends of both female and male graduations were similar, but females increase a bit more quickly.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS: Modern artist is a sort of high paid profession; 'preparation process' [6]

Some modern artist receive huge sums of money for the things they create, while other struggle to survive. Governments should take steps to resolve this unfair situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Artist is a sort of high paid profession. It is seemed an unfair situation as many other people must struggle to survive then not paid as much energy they spend. However, government does not seem to have to take responsibility in this case due to some reasons of the high amount of salary the artist got. The great effort of preparation and high amount of time used in this job will show this.

It is understandable that a high number of citizens are still on the poverty zone that they must struggle to fulfill their daily need. Generally, a secretary must handle hundred pages of file in everyday in order to be paid only approximately 5 million rupiahs. Furthermore, a portmanteau is only able to get no more than 50.000 per day after singing many songs in a very blazing weather on the road.

However, we must notice that the artist does not achieve her or his success instantly, meanwhile a very long and complex challenge had been subjected. A professional singer who is paid 10 million rupiahs after singing one song had experienced in struggling to master many kinds of singing techniques, stage performance, and other supported lessons for their career. This previous effort is extremely different to the carrier chronology of an unprofessional singer. So, I think the amount money they get is the pay of what they have battle for, then it is not a crucial thing which a council must involve to solve.

Furthermore, an actor or actress must spend more than 12 hours per day for movie shooting. The length of their work time is quite more challenging that what a secretary must do. Then, it will be very reasonable if they are paid 5 times higher than the amount of a secretary gets. Looking at this view, the government is clearly not required to change this situation.

In summary, the great challenge of preparation process and the length hour working of an artist must face make them reasonable to be paid much more expensively. Thus, the government does not need to create any program to balance their situation. After analyzing this subject, it is highly suggested that in order to be paid greatly, we must conduct a great effort as well.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'Durdle Door and Dorset' - Erosion of a Headland [3]

The diagrams below show the stages in the erosion of a headland.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The diagram shows the changes appearance of headland as a result of erosion.

The changing formation of headlands started from the hole which is formed in its bottom part as the result of wave attack. This bottom part is quite fragile as its component is too weak to restrain the power of the wave. As the wave hits the headlands gradually, the hole which looks like cave gets bigger and bigger. A big cave then forms an arch. Durdle Door and Dorset are two kinds of this erosion process. A continued attack strung out the roof of the arch collapses then separate a small part of headland which is called stack. It is caused by the ability of the water reach this higher position at high tide. Time by time, that stack becomes shorter by removing its top gradually then forms a stump beside it.

The pictures clearly show the continual process of reforming headland appearance which is mainly caused by erosion.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS. X Disease Cases in Someland (1960-1995) [4]

The line graph illustrates the change number regarding the cases of X disease occurring over 35 years in Someland from 1960 to 1995.

As an overall trend, some periods over those years experienced stable at case numbers while other showed either increase or decrease.

A more detailed look at the graph shows X disease attacked 100 humans between 1960 and 1965, then this number doubled in the following five years. A worse situation happened during a half decade after the end of this particular period, in 1970, as X boomed by 300 cases. However, this number did not undergo a change until 1980.

Following this, fortunately, the condition was getting significantly better in the following period. In 1985, this illness case number declining to 350, indicated the situation was almost 30 percent better than before. A tremendously great fact happened between 1990 and 1995 when X eradicated totally in this city.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1. Parcels delivered by Federal Express and TNT Mail Services [5]

The line graph highlights information about the changing number of parcels distributed by two service companies (Federal Express and TNT Mail Services) between 1920 and 2000.

Overall, those companies delivered between 5000 and 25000 parcels over the period. Clearly, while Fed Ex showed a great fluctuation in parcel number, TNT showed grown tendency during those years.

For a more detail look at the graph reveals that initially, TNT brought 5000 parcels while Federal Express delivered threefold packages. From 1920 to 1940, both companies experienced improvement parcels number, however Federal Express increased more extensively than TNT and peaked in the end of that particular period. Since that year, the gap between them were narrowing, even in 1960 the lines met each other when they both delivered approximately 12000. Then, the gap was widening again and met the furthest distance in 1980. Following this, parcels delivered by TNT inclined sharply while Fed Ex decrease extremely smooth thus they met again in 1990, those delivered around 17000 goods. After that year, TNT continued to grow, whereas Fed Ex tended to be stagnant.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1. Travel to / from UK from 1979 to 1999 [2]

The line chart provides information regarding the number of visitor to and from United Kingdom over two decades from 1979 to 1999 while the bar chart illustrates the country's popularity rated based on their UK visitors number.

The charts below give information about travel to and from the UK, and about the most popular
countries for UK residents to visit.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make
comparisons where relevant.
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Overall, the rate of overseas people who came to UK never dominated the visiting overseas number arranged by that country's inhabitants. Furthermore, in the last period pointed in the first chart, British' travelling destination spread to 5 countries mostly, and those have a different visitors proportion.

For a more detail look at the first graph reveals more than 10 million travelling abroad conducted by UK residents in 1979, then this number growth smoothly, only approximately by 3 million to the next 5 years. However, the number of international visitors who came to UK which initially stood at 10 million grew more steeply thus this trend led to the gap widening between this two features. Moreover, in around 1985, the number of British travelling to overseas underwent sharper increase while the international visitors who came to UK experienced just a slightly faster growth than their previous change number, caused the distance between them became more and more remarkable .

What is more, looking closely at the bar chart, in the end of the duration regarded in the first chart, France seems the most favorable country destination which chosen by more than 10 million UK visitors. Then, Spain stood at the second favorite visited by just under 10 million travelers from England. In addition, Turkey, Greece, and USA were also listed in the five most popular selected travelling destination countries, however not until 5 million visitors chose them.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS: How Dangerous Products are Dealt with in Three Countries [4]

The three pie charts provide information regarding how three countries overcome the danger of their waste products.

Clearly, the harm of waste products can be dealt with through five ways, they are recycling, incineration, keeping it underground, giving chemical treatment, or dumping it to the sea.

While the government of Republic of Korea recycles 69% of its rubbish and Sweden council does the same thing for a quarter of its, UK government does not at all. United Kingdom chooses to bury 82% of its waste products, 27% bigger than that of in Sweden, while only 22% of rubbish in Republic of Korea is solved by the same thing. The largest scale of burning rubbish is conducted in Sweden where 20% of its rubbish is solved by incineration, while Korean and British do the same way for 9% and 2% respectively for theirs.

Interestingly, while Korean and Swedish apply only 3 methods of reducing the danger of waste products, British uses 5 methods. It dumps 8 % of its rubbish at sea and the same amount is given chemical treatment.

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Writing Feedback / Concrete produce: cement, water, sand and gravel are poured to a concrete mixer [5]

The first diagram provides information regarding the process of producing cement while the second diagram illustrates the way to make concrete.

The material of cement is limestone and clay which passes 4 steps through 4 tools namely crusher, mixer, rotating heater, and grinder. The process is started from crushing limestone and clay to produce powder material. Then, that powder material is mixed using a particular mixer and brought to rotating heater in order to increase its temperature. The hot material is grinded to finally produce cement. The cement is packaged, eventually.

In order to produce concrete, cement, water, sand and gravel (a kind of small stones) are poured to a concrete mixer. A particular proportion of each material is needed in this case in order to result the good one. A half of the mix is gravel, a quarter of it is sand, cement itself is in 15 percent, and the rest of it is water.

Overall, in the step to produce concrete which is started from making cement, 5 materials and 5 tools are needed.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2. Where Talent Comes From [9]

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
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Possessing a particular talent either in music or sport is highly desired by many people. In my country, there is a controversial argument about how this ability owned by children. Some says that it is born while others think that it is formed purely through training. This essay aims to explain both these views.

It is commonly seen that children whose parents work as great singer will become a singer as well. For instance, Al, El, and Dul, sons of a famous Indonesian singer, Ahmad Dhani, achieve their great career in music easily. It seems that their ability in playing guitar, piano, drum, and the other musical instruments appears naturally without hard training and practice. Thus, some people believe that a skill is inherited and has been already existed since a baby is born.

However, the other people believe that everyone has the same chance to be expert on something, depend on how big their effort to struggle to learn. By registering their child in a badminton club, many parents are successful to bring their kid win a particular badminton competition, although when they were in school, they never reached such kind of achievement. It means that training plays big role in determining kind of talent that someone might own.

From explanation above, it seems that to judge either talent is born or is learned is quite complicated as both have the same strength of base reasons. However, to gain the best result, it is highly suggested to keep struggle with a particular skill that we want.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1. MARRIAGES AND DIVORCE IN THE USA & ADULT AMERICANS' MARITAL STATUS [6]

The first bar graph provides information regarding the rates of marriage and divorce in USA from 1970 to 2000, while the second chart compares between the percentage of adult American based on their marital status in 1970 and that of in 2000.

Generally, the number of marriage tended to decrease over the three decades while divorce rate experienced fluctuation. Furthermore, married adults dominated the other three status of adult Americans and each gap of the composition was very narrow.

For a more detailed look at the graph reveals that the number of marriages in USA was 2.5 million in 1970, then remained stable until 1980. However, it started to decline to approximately 2.25 million in 1990, and continued to decrease until just 2 million in the following ten years. On the other hand, the rate of divorce was 1 million in the beginning pointed year. Ten years after that, this number increased to just below 1.5, more than a half of marriages number. Started from 1990, it decreased onward and halved exactly the marriages number in 2000, reached the same number in the former year (1970).

Both the percentage of married and widow adults were higher in the first pointed year. The difference between married adult in 1970 and that of in 2000 was 11% and between widowed adult in the same pointed year was just around 1 percent. In contrast, unmarried old people and divorced old inhabitants were increased in 2000. Both of them experienced 5% increase (never married category proportion grew from 15% to 20% and divorced group inclined from 2% to 7%).