Writing Feedback / TOEFL: A/G It is better to do work by machine than by hand. [4]

Hello everyone, i have a toefl essay which I would be delighted if you give the time to read and comment whatever you think about it! Thanks in advance. I hope you have fun reading.

The industrial revolution is one of the greatest revolution that altered the course of mankind. Machines began replacing manual labor efficiently and effectively, allowing man to reach further than anyone had dreamed or hoped. Work and labor never became an obstacle anymore, and people no longer had to learn a great deal of knowledge to work on a specific field. Thus, it is better to do work by machine than by working manually.

The invention of the machine was indeed a great invention. Possessing the capability to perfectly operate in a fixed timing and pace, the machine became the ideal gadget in factories, replacing impassionate workers who often failed to meet their quotas.

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Writing Feedback / University students should be mandated to classes - it improves their grades and disciplines them [NEW]

Thank you in advance, I hope you have a pleasant time reading this and by all means, say anything you wish~

Many high school students are excited when they graduate because they believe they have achieved freedom as they attend college. They feel they aren't obligated to attend classes and believe they have complete control over their time. This may cause students' grades to plummet which in turn could devastate their future. Thus, authorities should mandate students' classes as a requirement.

The university may be an institution where high school graduates are able to roam free to experience the life they deserve, but it is also an institution that continues to educate students. University students are still amateurs of society which is why universities should continue to regulate them in education to protect students from harming their own future. By mandating classes, universities are able to steady students' grades and credits which would be incredibly essential in the future when job searching or asking for a recommendation. Students impressive grades and perfect attendance might attract the eyes of prominent figures or even compel their teachers to recommend them to other advanced workforce. In turn, their future would be secure and the university would have done its job perfectly. A prime example would be my elder brother who attended a university that required complete attendance every day. Initially, he complained and envied his friends who roamed free without any regulation but when he was appointed by a CEO of a well-known company, he felt grateful for the legislation in his university. He remembered how his other friends had a tough time applying for jobs due to their flawed attendance and low grades. As one can see, requiring students to attend classes are extremely beneficial and essential when joining society after graduation.

On the contrary, if schools do not regulate students' attendance, their grades will drop immensely and endanger the future possibilities and probabilities for a satisfactory future. True, going to universities is an exciting time, being exposed to alcohol for the first time, going on road trips with friends, and even finding one's true love are all joyous moments one can experience during college. Nevertheless, universities are most essential in leading students into the high classes in society. Many people apply to universities so they can escape poverty or move up to the capitol to have a luxurious life, not to simply drink beer and hang out. In order to maintain this purpose, schools should mandate students' attendance in classes. This will prevent students from drinking all night or spending on their pastime for there are classes they must attend the next day. In fact, my friend spent too much time drinking and flirting with girls that he always failed to make it in class. Obviously, his grades slowly descended and eventually he failed an exam. His teacher, determined to rectify his life style, pressured him to make it in to class on time by specially setting a rule exclusive for him. Weighed by the personal law created just for him, he began a healthier lifestyle and in the end he graduated with a position at a prominent science lab. For these reasons, I strongly assert university students should be required to attend classes.

To summarize, university students should be mandated to classes because it improves their grades and disciplines them to be better people who will contribute positively to society.

Writing Feedback / The high school students should work because it provides priceless experiences in work and life [3]

TOEFL: A/G: It is good for teenagers to have jobs while they are still students.

Feel completely free to say whatever you want!~ Anything would be useful and helpful. Hope you enjoy!

The teenage stage is an essential, if not very sensitive, part of the human growth. By this time, teenagers are somewhat mature enough to know that hard work brings benefits and experience leads to valuable lessons for the preparation of the future. For this reason, I believe it is absolutely positive for teenagers to have part-time jobs as they attend schools in order to have a taste of society and adulthood before they become one.

Teenagers are still in the stage of learning. They realize math is annoying but deep inside, they also learn how essential math is for living and life itself. By having the ability to recognize truth behind their education, they are ready to learn more about adulthood so that they may join society as adults themselves. Having a part-time job is the perfect method to allow them to feel what it means to be an adult. By working with their own two hands and the sweat from their foreheads, they will have the opportunity to experience how it feels to work and earn their rewards for their efforts. Not only will they learn what 'working' really means and feels, they will also have the chance to be part of society. As they work, they will value the connection of friends, people, and family and thus treasure them more. For example, I myself didn't make a lot of friends nor did I work hard when I was in middle school. As I worked during my high school years, I learned that friends are precious beings to talk and share perspectives and how authentic endeavors never bring anything negative. As one can see, working can bring clarity and valuable chances to feel society, which is why I believe high school students would benefit tremendously if they worked before they graduate.

On the other hand, if teenagers do not have the capacity and determination to work, this can take a large toll on their future. Without having any work experience, they would most definitely struggle if they enter the workforce after graduation. Without knowing the ropes, they will have to learn through their mistakes and reprimands from their authorities. This can lead to a very negative first impression to the others which can in turn lead to a dark future where very few would commend their work or recommend them to other more prominent company. In fact, my roommate had a difficult time when he first entered the workforce with no experience whatsoever. He eventually learned, but the blunders he made from his arrival marked him as a slow learner to many authorities. Despite the fact he worked hard after his mistakes, he rarely was congratulated or had his raise quicker than other employees. Society is a cruel place where it doesn't forgive nor forgets. In order to prosper, one must have a clean record and an impressive initial impression on many people. To achieve this, high school students can head start by learning the ropes before fighting the big match to prepare. For these reasons, I believe it is auspicious for high school students to have jobs.

The nascent stage of teenagers must be optimized in order to completely have the advantage of a bright future. To have this advantage, high school students should work because it provides priceless experiences in work and life

Writing Feedback / Pushed by eager mother to enter sports clubs because it builds 'character'. Competition or fun? [2]

Hello everyone, this is a TOEFL essay;
I must admit, the example in the second paragraph is a complete lie;;; I was running out of time and I thought it would work. Let me know if there are better examples suited for the details. Thanks in advance!

Agree or disagree?
Children should play sports for fun rather than for competition.

Have you ever been pushed by your eager mother to enter sports clubs because it builds your 'character'? I was forced to participate in various sports clubs when I was young. Back then, I detested it since I participated without my volition, but now I thank these experiences for teaching me how life is a competition and those who emerge victorious prevails. This is why I disagree with the statement children should play sports for entertainment instead of competing.

Most people think being a child is all fun and games. Although it may seem so on the outside perspective, with deeper thought, every game, action, or pastime children do are all related with a moral or life lesson. Playing sports is one of them. Sports, whether played with team or against a single individual, is a competition that measures player's determination and fervor. Thus, it is no surprise that some players might surpass their limits in order to emerge victorious over their rivals. Such motivation and opportunity to surpass oneself is a priceless feeling that can lead to courage, leadership, and self-confidence. Personally, I played badminton against my older brother when I was young. After several rounds of losing pathetically, I vowed myself that I would one day defeat my brother not because I lost, but because I wanted to show him my passion and determination. Even after weeks of vigorous playing, I was never able to defeat my brother. Nevertheless, he was impressed by my performance and acknowledged me for my effort. This respect in turn, allowed me to respect myself for fighting so furiously. In effect, this experience changed me to give everything I have at whatever I am doing. As anyone can see, playing sports as a competition reveals one's own hidden potential which can lead to self-respect and confidence. This is why I think sports should be played for competing against not merely to have fun.

On the contrary, if sports were played for entertainment rather than for competition, most children will only goof off during practice. Many parents or the coach wouldn't mind, after all, children goof around all the time, but they do not realize the danger of this action. Children mature alongside the experiences they created. The experience of lazing around during practice because they primarily think that sports is for fun could change their entire lives. Most of these aforementioned children would most likely slack off as they grow up. They would think everything in life is a jest, a jocular game that merely entertains just like the sports practices they inertly spent back when they were young. This is disastrous to the society because not only does it produce inefficient employees, but also difficult for leaders or government to lead these people to a better cause. For To provide a personal example, I know a friend who participated in a basketball club who only joined because his best buddies were there as well. Obviously, he joked around and ignored the instructor's orders continuously. Not surprisingly, as he grew up, he ignored his responsibilities and laughed off everything others considered critical and serious. To have a generation full of immature people like him is horrendous for it would completely destroy society as we know it. Therefore, I completely assert that sports should be played for competition.

To summarize, sports should be played for competitions because by doing so enhances confidence and diligence to children who will in turn grow to dependable people which in turn will benefit the society.

(587)

Writing Feedback / Have you ever had the feeling of leaving your own country behind for an exciting adventure overseas? [5]

Hello everyone! Once again, I have a TOEFL essay that could use some comments! Thanks!
I admit this is not my best essays... I might have deviated from the main idea, so let me know how you think about that! Thanks again!

Topic: People can benefit more from traveling around their own countries than traveling to foreign countries. Agree or disagree?

Have you ever felt the feeling of leaving your own country behind for an exciting adventure to a far away country? Sure, it sounds like a childish dream, but for some people this feeling has changed their entire life most often positively. I believe people can benefit more from traveling to foreign countries than traveling around their own countries because traveling broadens one's view of the world and only traveling nationally increases biased and prejudiced knowledge of other countries.

Exploring has always been one of mankind's innate activities. Curiosity haunts our mind just like Pandora with her forbidden box from Greek myths. Excited at the possible wonders of the other side of the world, man begins his journey to seek the answers to his curiosity. Indeed, many people begin traveling because they are curious at what culture, what gourmet, and what language other citizens in foreign countries have. This thought is very healthy for the mind because it allows one to experience the different diversity of what compromises this world. By traveling, one learns that the world does not operate on a single language or culture but different and even bizarre cultures. In turn, this knowledge can allow people to free communicate and accept others without shocking them with their own cultures and customs. Such people are very open-minded, very gregarious, and adaptable to change which open the door to a colorful life full of fun and tranquility. I strongly assert people can benefit more from traveling to foreign countries because they will learn the importance of diversity.

On the other hand, if people only get to travel in their nation, they will have the adverse effect from those who travel internationally. They will not comprehend why foreigners does not follow their own cultures or speak their language. In effect, their minds will turn to prejudice, perceiving others solely through their own perspectives. This is especially dangerous to those who reside in a country where tourism is famous because the meeting of foreigners and biased people can result in a devastating hatred to one another. To illustrate, my cousin have never once left Korea but instead traveled to many historical sites where he learned many facts about Korean history. This is beneficial in its own way, but he suddenly turned anti-Japanese and anti-Chinese for brutally treating Koreans during the course of history. Despite how things have changed considerably since the last war, my cousin refused to trust any Chinese or Japanese because his mind was clouded with only facts of the past. Such hatred is meaningless now that everything's past and gone but nevertheless, his obstinate mind refuses to accept these foreigners. As one can see, traveling only nationally can cause a huge prejudice on a person which is why I claim that people will benefit more from traveling around the world.

To summarize, I think people can benefit more from traveling overseas than traveling in their own countries because doing so teaches a valuable lesson on diversity. Of course, it is necessary to learn about one's own country before anything else, but I also believe that traveling too much and sticking to their country can create a powerful sense of preconception. (532)

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: The famous adage 'No pain, no gain' is by far the most logical expression I have ever heard. [4]

Hello everyone! I have another essay that I am counting on you to revise! Thanks in advance and the past for continuing helping me out! I have my TOEFL exam tomorrow so wish me luck!

I just hope they don't ask personal topics like this... I mean what does this topic really prove? Lolz, I really don't get it

Topic:Agree or disagree: Letting a friend make a mistake is better than taking action that risks destroying a friendship.

The famous adage 'No pain, no gain' is by far the most logical expression I have ever heard. We fall when we try to walk for the first time as toddlers but nevertheless, we always get up and try again continuously. Through this process, we learn how to maintain balance and if we fall again, we avoid the methods that will make us fall. Therefore, I would stand still for my friend to make a mistake because as mentioned before, I believe mistakes teaches better than anything and if I try to intervene, my relationship will be destroyed.

Mistakes are never the enemy. It should never be despised, let alone be ignored, when you live your life. We, as human beings, live our lives making mistakes and compensating for it constantly. We learn why studying is important after failing a test with shame and lament, not because our parents reprimand us irritably from the score. In effect, mistakes force us to face reality and give us another opportunity to take responsibility and perform much better the next time. When I was young, my younger sister had broken a luxurious vase our mother much adored when she was running around the house. She was afraid, dreading the ominous consequence that could result with a slight spank on her bottom, and asked me to take part of the blame so that her consequence will be more lenient. I disagreed not because I didn't want the consequences myself but because the image of my sister not owing up to her mistakes was shameful and disrespectful. I told her I cannot take the blame for her but I promised her that I will comfort her after her punishment. After the uproar of lectures about being careful in the house, my sister thanked me because she would have felt awful for letting me take the blame as well. As anyone can see, mistakes are not to be feared but helpful in creating a stronger self-conscious and respect. Thus, I would let my friend make a mistake without interfering but I would definitely comfort him just like I did to my sister.

On the other hand, if I try to intervene and prevent him from his blunder, not only will our friendship deter, but I will regret doing so. Personally, I treasure my friendship next to my family. Friendship is the bond that links two people as they go on their journey towards life. To lose that link, a trustful friend who will cover your back, will result a discord in my, anyone's life. As a result, I will stray from my path and turn bitter with regret and hatred at myself for destroying that relationship. This reminds me of a book I have read recently about two friends as doctors treating on a severely injured patient. The main character notices a flaw in his friends operation and points out his mistake in front of all the other surgeons. Abashed by his mistake, the friend leaves the hospital and never comes back due to shame and embarrassment. The main character regrets his decision because before he is a doctor, he was his friend and he has jeopardized that relationship. As a person who regards his relationships most precious, I would never risk the destruction of my friendship even if that leads to his shame because I'll be providing support to ameliorate his sadness.

To simplify, I would let a friend make his mistake instead of risking our relationship because I strongly think mistakes teaches the victim important lessons and because I treasure my relationship with my friends. If I were to stop him from making his mistake I would regret it forever until I die. (619)----> I did manage to write a 600 word essay in 30 minutes but I think it's because the topic was very personal so I think the words just flew off my mind. Still let me know if I digressed too much. Thanks again!

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: The best way to relax and reduce stress is by spending some time alone. [4]

Hello everyone! I have another TOEFL essay that I would like you to comment on if you could! Thanks in advance!
The topic was really private so I had to include a lot of personal information...(which I try best to avoid) but in any case, hope you enjoy my writing and please feel free to say anything you want!

Agree or disagree:
The best way to relax and reduce stress is by spending some time alone.
Have you ever felt running away from everything such as your responsibilities, your friends, or even your family and have some sense of peace? This thought process is often considered to lead to depression and perhaps even suicide, but I believe this thinking is at times necessary when you begin to feel suffocated by your surroundings. In fact, spending some lone time to relax is far more placid and quiet than relaxing with others. Thus, I assert that the best way to relax and reduce stress is by spending some time alone.

Pace is an essential element for people's lives. People live their lives according to their pace and recognizing one's own preference is vital to reduce stress. Pace differs with everyone, some prefer to live recklessly while some just like to spend their time alone slowly like a cat taking a bath of sunlight midday. I fit right along in the latter. Personally, I adore taking long hot baths while listening to classical music because the sensation is wonderfully relaxing. In fact, many Asian medical techniques involve heat and warmth to reduce tension and rigidity so that the patient will be at ease. Therefore, my way of relaxing is healthy at some degree. Often times I would also read a book, especially tragic stories of the genius Shakespeare. His words fill my heart with lament and sadness but also the sense of tranquility because most Shakespeare's plays turn tragic because of the main character's final resolution for their personal beliefs. Reading fictional characters risking everything for their own ideals is an ideal book for me which I enjoy reading. As anyone can see, all of my personal hobbies are private and discreet. Thus, I believe the best way to relax is by spending some time alone.

Nevertheless, there are people who prefer the company of others and the incessant clatter of people chatting in the background. They might ask a friend to meet at a loud bar or a busy pizza shop so they will be distracted by the things tormenting them and smile after a joke. However, is this really a method of reducing stress? Those who smile from temporarily ignoring their issues and stress will eventually sulk and fall back to depression when they come back to face the truth. In fact, the method of being distracted is a suicidal plan because the stress never release. Instead, it compacts and swells, making it more difficult to ignore the massive amount of stress all congregated like an inflated balloon. On the long run, the balloon of stress and anger will explode, completely obliterating one's mental state and causing them to act recklessly without thinking. They will get desperate to discard all this mental weight off and it could lead to the usage of drugs or perhaps even committing suicide. Such measures are inhumane and harmful not just to oneself but to those around them. Ignoring stress temporarily doesn't solve anything, rather it worsens everything which is why I would prefer to reduce stress by spending time alone.

To summarize, whenever I need some fresh air or vacant space during work or studying, I prefer to relax by spending lone time like a drowsy cat under the sun.

I presented the other side but gave a bad opinion of it. I think I wrote this with more ease as well. If the content is okay, then I thank you for giving me a practical advice,

Writing Feedback / Every single man and woman has the freedom to believe what they wish to believe. TOEFL [5]

TOPIC: Agree or disagree; Teachers should not make their social and political views known to students in classroom.
Hello everyone! I have a new essay that I'll be counting on you to check, feel free to comment on it as much as you want! Thanks!

Students are educated so that they may choose what they wish to believe is justice when they have gathered enough knowledge to come up with a conclusion on social or political issues. That said, students should not be fed with highly personal opinions from others about political or social views from other individual for it can completely influence their way of thinking. Therefore, teachers should not make their social and politic views known to students in the classroom.

Every single man and woman has the freedom to believe what they wish to believe. Indeed, after they come to their personal conclusion with their very own details and perspectives, they may freely debate against their opponents. However, students are still learning about society and politics. They are young and inexperienced which is why time and patience are required until they come to their resolution and join society as an adult. If teachers present their students with their conclusions on social and politic issues, there is a possibility that these students will follow the same belief and unable to create their own. In my own ethic classes, our professor has taught all the basic foundations of choosing a side. He taught us that man is free to choose and then he conveyed his own opinions about the world. Knowing how we had a choice to believe what we wanted, some of us claimed that they disagreed with the professor and the heated debate taught us many opinions and knowledge from both the professor's and student's side. After the debate, the professor clapped his hands and congratulated us for becoming young adults. Students are still budding saplings, unsure of what to believe but with time and teaching, they could grow on their own and choose their belief to stand up for.

On the other hand, if teachers are forced to present their ideals to students, a mass propaganda of prejudice will permeate through the juvenile generation. This should be avoided at all costs, since such atmosphere would equal to that of an autocrat country. A generation that believes in a single identical ideal is downright terrifying because it can completely alter the course of a country. History has proved that misused propaganda can result in severe adverse effects. The Nazi is the prime example of a biased organization that believed all Jews should be eradicated. This permeated ideal caused the dominance of other countries and even a world war, destroying the lives of innocent families and justice itself. Indeed, if teachers are able to express their own beliefs, these children could be influenced to view that ideal to be just and cleave to it with all their heart and result with a devastating propaganda. Personally, I was told to despise Japan for exploiting our country ruthlessly during the course of history. However, I chose not to believe such ideal because I have visited Japan before and the people and country weren't despicable as my teacher said. However, my peers who have never been to Japan all began to follow this ideal and as they grew up, the ideal conquered their minds. They are pure anti-Japanese who rebutted heavily on Japan. If this happens to a whole country, another war may break out and cause colossal casualties. Thus, teachers should not make their social and political views known to students in the classroom.

To summarize, teachers should not emphasize their views on social or political issues because students have their own freedom to choose what they wish to believe and a mass propaganda will be prevented.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Is it better to watch serious movies that are designed to make you think than just to watch? [5]

TOEFL Agree or Disagree: It's better to watch serious movies that are designed to make you think than to watch movies that are primarily designed to amuse or entertain.

Hello again. This is another TOEFL essay. Take your time reading this! The subject really caught me off guard... If you ever read my other essays, you'd know that I rarely express my own opinions, so this is a new style and I want to know how it is. Any comments are greatly appreciated! Thanks!

The feeling of leaving the theater with your family or friends while laughing at the amusing movie is overwhelmingly cozy and affectionate. The funny jocular movie creates a sense of home, a place where you want to just stay and doze off along with the people you love. Although the serious, profound movies with prominent directors and prestigious actors are top of the charts, I find the lesser, simple, amusing movies to stand out more.

Movies that are too serious are often quite complicated. As a movie fanatic myself, I dislike the feeling of confusion and befuddlement as I leave the stage. A movie is created for entertainment which is why I think I should be leaving the cinema happy and amused. To elaborate, these serious movies are quite difficult to watch because it constantly keeps me thinking and making mental notes to myself on exactly what is going on. Personally, I feel serious movies are like dull lectures trying to teach me a lesson in life but always deviates from the main idea so that I may solve the answer myself. The feeling of being toyed in my mind with circumlocution is not my cup of tea. In fact, some simple amusing movies made for children is actually better at portraying these lessons in life. Take Disney's Lion King for example, a musical movie about a young lion prince going back home. Although this movie may look childish on the outside, the details are very serious and dark. The lion prince's father was murdered and the prince have abandoned his responsibility as prince to lead his people after his father and have ran away, forgetting the tormenting memory of his father's death. The movie taught me not to ignore my responsibilities and to head the truth no matter how grotesque it is. I prefer to watch amusing movies because they depict lessons in life far better than the complicated serious movies.

In addition, trying to watch a serious movie with my family is quite difficult and uncomfortable. I, myself, often go to the cinema with my younger sister and we always regretted watching a serious movie together instead of watching a comical one. The mood is awkward because the movie confused the both of us so we spend the rest of the day trying to figure out exactly what the movie was about in our heads. Even if we tried to talk about it, with varying opinions and perspectives, we never got to reach a satisfactory conclusion. On the other hand, when we watch a jolly movie together, we leave the theater smiling ear to ear and holding hands, skipping away as we laugh at the final joke at the end of the movie. We rehearse the funny moments of the movie and laugh again and again. This feeling of happiness is incredible and I prefer this feeling over the clumsy, damp feeling after a serious movie with all my heart. Since I watch movies with my younger sister all the time, I prefer to spend our day with laughter and smiles from a jovial movie instead of brooding over the complex details of a serious movie.

To summarize, I prefer to watch amusing movies over serious movies because the movie creates a simple charm of presenting serious life lessons through colorful characters and the feeling of ease and happiness with another precious person.

Thanks again!

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Today, life is easier and cozier than it was then out grandparents were young. [2]

Hello everyone... I might need a hand here. I usually complete my essays and ask for revisions and comments, but it appears I'm stuck on this topic. I have my first point all written down, and my initial second point was that environment problems arose which is why life today is more difficult, but my examples were pretty low quality and I screwed-up my organization... Any suggestions for my second point? Thanks.

TOPIC: AGREE OR DISAGREE: Today, life is easier and cozier than it was when our grandparents were young.

The reason why the dogma, 'Respect your grandparents' is so famous is because they have experienced war and poverty which provided them wisdom that is beyond comprehension for youngsters. Nevertheless, the world the present generation live is far more complicated than the world of our grandparents which created new and even more challenging dilemmas. Life today is far more intricate and taxing because the present generation have darkness in their hearts.

Compared to the past where our grandparents lived, the present is a fantasy where we can simply contact each other with a simple gadget, or watch an education program on a large box with a screen. We may enjoy our comfortable lives, ordering food or supplies with the touch of a button, but deep inside this cozy world, a dark shadow resides in everyone's hearts. This looming darkness is anxiety and fear of failure. To be specific, people fear themselves because failure is less tolerant compared to the past for a single blunder can completely alter the coarse of a prominent business organization to plummet downhill. In turn, this fear leads people to achieve everything they can so that they will not create any mistakes during work. This leads to a problem where it is even more difficult to stand out among all these other people who have achieved the same goals. In effect, people have become mindless similar robots trying to fulfill their identical goals: never make a mistake. This change creates a ominous atmosphere that prevents one to comfortably work at their leisure pace but to stay alert at every trivial act. Therefore, life today is less easier and cozier than the past.