Scholarship /
Self Introduction Essay - Agent of Change on Urban and Regional Planning [9]
Hi Isyana, welcome to Essay Forum!!
It was a long essay but I still liked reading it. Here are some grammar mistakes and language mistakes from my side. English is not your native language, but you wrote it well !! One common mistake was in past tenses, when you are talking about past, make sure to use the tenses in past only. I have corrected them here, hope it helps :)
I
grew up in
a democratic ........ etiquette
s . My ........ encourage
d me to ......... and
to never ............. always said,"
that Formal ............... ..
He also told me, However,
that learning ...........school,
but you .......... you." Therefore, my parents tr
ied to
equip me with ..................extracurricular
activities like scouts,........... language course
s, and other activities .
This gave me
an opportunity to
visit new places, .........
soft-skill (What is soft skill?) , and
made me an independent
person .
Here I start to enjoy travelling .
In 2006, I ............ It
was the first time I live
daway from my parents. I
started exploring new place
s , either
because of friends or school's projects. The more I explore
d a new place, the more I
got to know
more about ............ on a consultant
basis where I .....................2012, I
was accepted ..........which
has now become............................
passion
of acquiring ............... start
ed since .........
keep growinggrew up influenced by people around me.
I was Influenced by my former education and
my job
where I found .................. its
vastness narrow
ed my knowledge .......... I
felt the need to deepen my
urban and regional planning comprehension through higher education.
in specific program . I realized ............
Both Korea and Indonesia have same independence year yet Korea has advanced into a developed country now. Korea's tourism industry is well managed and developed, thus contribute greatly to GDP. ([i]How tourism and GDP is beneficial to you ?) The rapid growth in all fields including education ranks Korea among the countries with best education system. [/i]
Moreover, ........would
be beneficial for newcomer international studentS. ................ ..
in Korea, how Korea develop
ed its cities and maintained its cultural ............development. Thus,
I chose Korea
as the best choice to pursue higher
education to
specialize in my field area and to learn skill
s in Urban and ..........
Pursuing ,.........
will offer me more ........ KGSP ........ study
ing Korean ........
This will allow me to learn a new language. It would.................. opportunities especially
in tourism and government
organizations. . I can apply my knowledge and experience
to my hometown and my beloved country, Indonesia.
(What kind of policy are you talking about in last line? Overall it was a good essay, but I think you can work more for your conclusion and make it as strong as your essay. Conclusion was kind of repetitive with one meaning in different lines. For now, I have edited it still for the grammar part. But I think you can remove the extra part from conclusion, and try to be specific in your goal after study. )