Writing Feedback / Brain has carrot and stick to teach us how to behave [3]

Brain has carrot and stick to teach us how to behave

In our daily activity, a brain plays an important role which ensures us do better in the future. there is a hub in the brain that doles out rewards and punishments to reinforce survival skills. We can imagine, for instance, when we want to go to have a dinner at a restaurant then our brain responses an untidy on so that this can decline our mood booster to eat because the brain commands other parts of bodies.

On the same case, a research reveals that all parts of our bodies rely on the brain as neurons cell affects to have the same feeling. As such, for some people, they need to listen to a spirit song in order to enhance their spirit. Likewise, some others argue that a positive thinking leads to a positive activity because this stimulates bodies to do so. in the light of these facts, there is no doubt that a brain plays an essential role to command all parts of bodies.

Writing Feedback / When art and technology pull each other to bits [3]

When art and technology pull each other to bits

The closer relationship between art and technology came apart at this art festival in some capital cities throughout the world. For some people particularly artists, this innovation helps them to create some wonderful concerts. The marriage between art and technology has successfully altered an art world since this can be done more straightforward. Every September in Liz, for instance, the Ars Electronica festival tries to marry between art and technology where enables people to enjoy the performances even though they do not present in this festival.

On the one hand, the sophisticated technology brings many people to be closer with art. In this digital era, most people can explore a lot of arts without visiting the original place the arts made. For example, the Internet, nowadays, provides a wide range of arts from the world so that citizens are able to explore the arts specifically such as ancient sculpture in Greece, the pyramid in Egypt, and ancient building in Rome. As a consequence, a combination between art and technology brings many advantages for art lovers.

source : newscientist.com/article/2106665-when-art-and-technology-pull-each-other-to-bits/

Writing Feedback / TED Summary : what do you think when you look at me? [2]

The United States of America is the most racial discrimination country which many people feel particularly for Moslem. 11 September 2001 when World Trade Center (WTC) building was bombed by Saddam Husein was becoming an onset for the majority of Moslem to face a racial discrimination. As such, Islam is linked to terrorism. Dalia Mogahed, a Moslem woman, represents a feeling of most Moslem in the US.

On the one hand, most American Moslem should also obtain the rights as American inhabitants. For instance, women who wear hijab are supposed as terrorists so that they feel inconvenient. Recently, the number of Moslem were shot by others as they thought that Moslem are their enemies. This racial discrimination was also occurred not only in the cities but also in the schools and other public facilities. In the light of these facts, she stated that Moslem are not the enemy but they are the same as indigenous people of the United States of America.

Writing Feedback / National geographic : the verge of rhinos' extinction [2]

National geographic : the verge of rhinos' extinction

Polokwane, a home of the world's most wanted man when it comes to rhino horn trafficking is approximately 4 hours from Kruger National Park, a natural home of the world's largest wild rhinoceros population in South Africa. Photographer Brent Stirton and his friend sped in two different cars through gorgeous, winding mountain rangers to meet a millionaire safari operator and ex-policeman named Dawie Groenewald. After 2 hours traveling, the night fell and in the darkness outside the city, Brent Stirton and his friend saw someone who had poured tar down the center line of the highway and set it ablaze. Yet, they ignored him.

A dank roadside hotel became a chosen place to meet Groenewald. Few minutes later after meeting, then, brought them to meet Leon Van Der Merwe, a rhino trader in a suburb near Polokwane. He had intensively supplied the number of rhinos in some countries in a long time. Ironically, the government pay less attention in this problem which leads to the biggest extinction of rhinos. With this aforementioned evidence, Both Brent Stirton and his friend reported to the united nations with aim to prevent this circumstance in the future.

Writing Feedback / TED summary : a 12-year-old app developer [3]

TED Summary : Thomas Suarez

In digital era, everyone can easily access any information throughout the world included children and this leads societies to be more creative. Thomas Suarez, a 12 years old boy as an example, has successfully made a sophisticated app called "Bustin Jieber" for Iphone and android. His first idea, then, came from his friends who liked Justin Bieber. His attainment inspired most children in many countries and this brought him into becoming a speaker at TED.

In the light of this fact, some people thought and asked him how the way to make it as he is still a small child which is rarely done by his peer. With this app, it enables him to become a wealthy child since his app is sold at US 99 dollar and this will add more because many people from most countries buy this app with downloading from their smart phones. In the future, he will enhance his capability and creates more app for android.

Writing Feedback / A history of India's independence [6]

A history of India's independence

A colonization in many countries leads to any human problems. There was no exception for India which had to be struggle to obtain an independence. On December 1961, Nehru ordered Indian troops marched into Goa to liberate it from Portuguese who had powerfully ruled the territory since 1510. Over 3500 Portuguese soldiers were overrun by over 30.000 troops in a brisk operation. Due to this circumstance, some countries addressed a stark critic to India and stated that India had lost the morality.

On the other hand, some others pointed out that the military adventure in Goa was totally becoming an expostulation from the increasing Chinese border incursions. After the invasion, Nehru took a place immediately in the election campaign who was able to strike a patriotic cord on restoring Goa to Motherland. His win, then, in the general election brought him back in power for a third successive term. With his power, finally, Nehru and his defense minister had taken steps to reclaim from the Chinese some territory by setting up forward posts.

Writing Feedback / Color blind or color brave - the summary on the racial discrimination in the USA [2]

TED summary : color blind or color brave.

In the US, black people often experienced a racial discrimination form the white ones. Mellody Hobson, a black woman who faced a discrimination, had officially succeeded in her life beyond her wildest expectations. Several years ago, When she was a small child, Mellody was invited to come in her classmate's party then her mother asked how they treated her. Fortunately, she did not feel anything since she had been treated well by people of all races more often than she had not. Furthermore, not only Mellody Hobson but also most black people felt the same circumstances.

In the light of this fact, she is now standing to address this issue of racial discrimination. In 2006, when President Barrack Obama won the general election, the circumstances had perfectly altered as President Obama is the black one and he represents for all black people in the US. As such, Mellody always campaigns that all American people have the same equal rights and the majority of black ones feel comfortable. Hence, this leads all American societies to pay less attention wherever they come from and whoever they are.

Writing Feedback / TED summary : The next generation of female engineers. [3]

TED summary : The next generation of female engineers.

Female engineers are the minority which only 11 per cent in the US are women. Most people think that engineers are for boys while others agree that girls are more likely to be princess. Debbie Sterling is one of female engineers in the US. When she aged 6, she was a pretty normal kid who loved ballet, drawing and riding bikes. After graduating for senior high school, she was confused to continue her study what the major she would take. Then consultation with her tutor brought her to gain a high recommendation from her math teacher to major in engineering program.

In the light of this, she went off to Stanford which was a big deal and when she got to Stanford in her freshman year, she had no idea to major in. Yet, she should give it a try as her teacher suggested so that she should love the major and wanted to do it. Furthermore, she got the biggest obstacle when her professor gave a final assignment to draw in 3D. Her boys' classmate could finish in 5 minutes and she was able to finish in a week. In front of the class, her professor said " raise your hand if you think that Debbie should pass this class". Fortunately, her lovely friend said that she would, then she studied hard. In the final assignment, she could well finish it and passed the class.

Writing Feedback / TED Summary : The philosophy of a happy life according to Sam [4]

The philosophy of a happy life according to Sam

Sam Berns a boy suffered Progeria was an inspiring man I ever heard because he faced a hard life happily. Progeria Medically is a health problem which affects tight skin, lack of weight gain, stunted growth and heart disease. Several years ago, when he was studying at senior high school, he had a dream to play snare drum with marching band in his school. With his optimistic and creative idea, his family and he worked with an engineer to design a snare drum harness that would be lighter and more straightforward for him to carry and finally he could bring his dream into reality.

The predominant reason why he had an extremely happy life was due to his three philosophies of life. First of all, he felt OK with what he ultimately could not do since there was so much he could do. This did not mean that he ignored the negative aspects of these obstacles, but he officially focused on activities he could do. Next, he surrounded himself with people he wanted to be around such as his family and his lovely friends and the last philosophy was "keep moving forward". In a consequence, there is no doubt that even though he was suffered Progeria, he always felt happy.

Writing Feedback / Parenting is hard to master. Children should be taught about it at school's formal training. [3]

Some people believe that children should have formal training at school to become good parents.

Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion.

Parenting is hard to master. For this reason, some people argue that children should be taught to be good parents by sending them to school's formal training. While this helps schoolchildren understand how to make responsible choices in family structure, I would argue that children should cogitate about how to gain academic attainments and leadership skills instead of learning this issue.

A school plays an important role to take formal training because it is a legal trusted institution. This becomes a good option as parents own less time to mother their children so that school's formal training is more appropriate to master them. On the one hand, School has an integrated syllabus which can encourage children to have a good habit. In a consequence, students are able to understand a qualified culture which supports them to be responsible parents in the future.

In contrary to this, children should independently learn how to obtain an academic achievement and leadership skill. Both of them lead students to be good parents because an academic attainment becomes a strong motivation to gain a bright future. Likewise, leadership skills is more essential for children to manage a family structure in the future. In my point of view both skills should not be learnt at school's formal training.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that although school's formal training helps students understand how to be caring parents, schoolchildren have to learn how to achieve an academic performance and own leadership skills which are more useful for making a responsible family.

Writing Feedback / Students at universities often have a choice of places to live. apartment or university dormitories? [2]

please give me feedback of my writing in order to enhance vocabularies, idea and grammar. thanks for your help

Students at universities often have a choice of places to live. They may choose to live in university dormitories, or they may choose to live in apartments in the community.

Compare the advantages of living in university housing with the advantages of living in an apartment in the community. Where would you prefer to live? Give reasons for your preference.

University is a place where adult students spend their half time to study. For some people, they prefer living university dormitories which offer more opportunities to make friends. For some others, they argue that apartments in the community have an ideal location, which is mostly found in commercial activities. However, I would support that university dormitories are more comforting, convenient, and peaceful as a place to live.

Living in apartment seems to be luxury because it has an exclusivity which can only be owned by some richest people so that they are more likely to live there in order to be seen as prestige. For instance, some students from well-prosperous family tend to make a friendship with matured ones and they think this leads to more merits. As a consequence, there is no doubt that this is paramount for them to live in apartment.

On the other hand, there seem to obtain more advantages to live in university dormitories. First, it opens an opportunity for students to make a relationship with whomever which gives them much time to study together and help an academic obstacle when they get. For example, students can discuss about some lessons when they have not understood yet in the class. Next, this helps the majority of students to learn culture and language especially for international students. As we knew that language is habit so that it enables them to practice more in order to be able to speak fluently. Not only this, living in university dormitories is less cost so as they can allocate their money to other needs such buying books.

In the light of these facts, even though living in apartments is more exclusive and prestigious for some people, but I strongly believe that living in university dormitories is more useful, helpful, and comfortable for some others.