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'unexpected text from a freshman' - Common app-achievement that has impacted you

2 - Solid essay.First sentence opening could be improved (make it more interesting.) Small corrections on your awkward phrasing: - Tears...

Undergraduatebreed1964 - Oct 25, 2009linmark - Oct 26, 2009
Reflection on Character - Needing a Conclusion // Constructive Criticism

2 - This says very little about you other than you wanting to become like your grandfather. It has nothing to...

UndergraduateZachB22 - Oct 26, 2009linmark - Oct 26, 2009
'Socioeconomic / Ancestors / Government' - Brown and Common App

2 - This essay is very paulitical. Try to stay away from such biases. Just kidding, Paul. ;)...

Undergraduatepauniccap - Oct 26, 2009marissavessels - Oct 26, 2009
Stanford (elaborate on one of your activities) essay:

3 - Yeah...I forgot to make a comment before my entry, but I didn't know if I was SUPPOSED to include...

Undergraduatemarissavessels - Oct 26, 2009marissavessels - Oct 26, 2009
'the hukou policy in China' - Common App- Experience that has changed your life

3 - This is too much narration. You only get to what made the experience meaningful in the last paragraph....

Undergraduatepyang302 - Oct 25, 2009linmark - Oct 26, 2009
having problem with my synthesis paper

3 - Thank EF_Sean. I dont have any links to my articles since they come from my course book. The...

Essayszohal - Oct 24, 2009zohal - Oct 26, 2009
'Volunteering at East Brunswick Rescue Squad' Rutgers Admissions Essay

3 - your essay too short to understand, as it does not answer all questions clearly...

Undergraduatejbhatia325 - Oct 25, 2009anisa yosef - Oct 26, 2009
Why is music important to many people?

4 - Most people would say because the music became popular since it has been used in advertisement business. no...

Writing Feedbackbaitassel - Oct 25, 2009fuhuanluck - Oct 26, 2009
UNCW admission essay -- how to improve it?

2 - Rewrite this to focus on more specific details. You worked hard in school and enrolled in martial arts classes...

UndergraduateBrianjonessv - Oct 25, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 26, 2009
Personal essay - Bucknell university. The red ribbon.

2 - ...stomach soon followed it; therefore I ran towards the rest room. I came out and looked at my watch...

Undergraduatedark horse - Oct 25, 2009EF_Kevin - Oct 26, 2009
"Gross National Happiness" as a measurement of the success of the country. Maryland Essay #4 review

2 - If you know it is a cliché, why not come up with a more original phrasing. ...

Writing Feedbackplaya25 - Oct 25, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 26, 2009
Win is always your if you do fight from your deep heart. A success does not depend from luck.

8 - Your thesis should probably be something along the lines of "Success often requires a combination of good luck and...

Writing Feedbackalina967 - Oct 23, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 26, 2009
"Well-blended Combination" - U or Mich - diversity essay

2 - I like the approach you have taken and the narrative example you use to support it. Some more background...

Undergraduateyycho91 - Oct 25, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 26, 2009
Abortion: Why it should be Illegal.

2 - Your essay is too shallow. I don't know if you have time to fix it before you hand it...

Writing Feedbackjuliat cung - Oct 25, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 26, 2009
Assumptions (Answer to a question)

2 - This needs a lot of revision: Um, this isn't strictly speaking a truism, but it comes close...

SpeechesFrancisli - Oct 26, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 26, 2009
Common App Essay-a person who has had a significant influence on you

3 - nike t thanks for your suggestions. I will continue working on the essay. Or after the early decision maybe...

Undergraduateseason - Oct 24, 2009season - Oct 26, 2009
the time from birth to twelve years is the most important period in life time?

3 - hi Clare Healy, thanks for your comment however, i find that your comment is less useful what i need...

Writing Feedbackthinhtvdhtm - Oct 25, 2009thinhtvdhtm - Oct 25, 2009
'Interested in economics' - Why Columbia

4 - Hey, Your revised is definitely better than the first. I like how you talked about the core curriculum...

UndergraduateMsSsSs - Oct 18, 2009sherbert - Oct 25, 2009
Diligent. Inspirational. Open minded - Three words to describe me

5 - I agree with mmmargarita that you need to add examples. also, you didn't really say how you would contribute...

Undergraduateshirleytse - Oct 24, 2009ebby2010 - Oct 25, 2009
Common App-influential person of your life (my grandfather)

7 - ok, i think i shouldchange a lot things in my intro... I was sitting on my desk, studying...

Undergraduatewu0529 - Oct 24, 2009wu0529 - Oct 25, 2009
UCF essay "bumps in the road" & "unique"

3 - Well the thing about the second essay is that i preached to the school since i attend a Christian...

Undergraduatejenny0810 - Oct 20, 2009jenny0810 - Oct 25, 2009
common app influential person - best friend Ryan

2 - "Ryan is the type of person that will discuss at length the style of Mahler, the type of musician...

Undergraduatebpsullivan92 - Oct 25, 2009ebby2010 - Oct 25, 2009
Boston University supplement - "cheering "GO Terrier!""

4 - "I became aware that Boston University, as one of the nation's top schools, gives me the chance to become...

Undergraduatesaft10 - Oct 19, 2009nysock - Oct 25, 2009
"the banana peel" - Common App: Significant Experience

5 - i think that if you take the advice given to you this essay would be even better. I thought...

Undergraduatenysock - Oct 25, 2009lrayan6 - Oct 25, 2009
"Paint by Numbers" common app essay- topic of your choice

2 - the piece is very well written. the introduction captured me. i love it doesn't just tie into art, but...

Undergraduate10healyc - Oct 25, 2009bpsullivan92 - Oct 25, 2009
Essay about the worst thing I have ever done

2 - It is entertaining, but still a long if you are applying to schools that have a word count. I'm...

UndergraduateTulaneboy - Oct 25, 2009bpsullivan92 - Oct 25, 2009
Common app prompt 4- "picking the right name"

3 - This is a great essay! Just stay focused. I know how it is, when I moved to the US,...

Undergraduateurbuddy542 - Oct 25, 2009nadabatu - Oct 25, 2009
common app extracurricular activity on babysitting

2 - i think your essay fails to connect how has baby-sitting taught u to push yourself and beyond what you...

Undergraduatemisann33 - Oct 25, 2009urbuddy542 - Oct 25, 2009
I could still recreate the day in my mind; University of Florida

2 - Hi! First off, I liked the message you sent across. You made your issue easy to relate to,...

UndergraduateVanessam1991 - Oct 25, 2009dramacratic - Oct 25, 2009
People have their own interests, and strengths and weaknesses - UIUC entry essay

2 - And I think I received a gift for good at counts and matter of economy. Fix middle paragraph...

Undergraduaterinheo - Oct 25, 2009urbuddy542 - Oct 25, 2009
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