Writing Feedback / IELTS Task II : Pros and cons of Credit card [8]

dear essayers
Please kindly comment about my coherence and cohesion. I also opened for grammatical correction.

Nowadays it is easy to apply for and be given a credit card. However, some people-experience problems when they are not be able to pay their debts back. In your opinion, do the advantages of credit cards outweigh the advantages?

----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------

Throughout the world credit card using is such a dweller lifestyle. Obviously, it is helpful enough for people to pay all of their basics. However, the economists reckon that credit card merely influence people to be consumptive for something not otherwise exist and tending people not able to pay back their debt. In my opinion the cons of credit card far outweigh the pros.

Credit card facilitates people to access money easily. This is related to unlimited transaction that banking provides for their customer. The feature is very helpful in order to emergency using such as in charge of baby birth or tuition fee paying. Credit card is also benefited for expensive paying in the short term embody in a peak season holiday paying. In this term people races booked the services they need while increasing prices commonly occur. Moreover, Credit card is such a save way to pay. It is simplifying our life that no needs to bring lots of cash everywhere. Hence, for busy people they can complete several transactions with one card in their hand.

On the contrary, credit card encourages people to spend money they do not have. Holding credit card raises consumerism to buy several things in order to fulfill their pleasure. People often forget about their ability to pay because unconsciously they shops with unlimited service which credit card gives. Those problems raise debt and also financial difficulty in the back. As an effect for applicant they cannot pay the debt and also lost their assets embody home, vehicles, jewelry while bank also influenced by this disturbance. As the enormous effect all of economical process suffering.

In sum, I believe that two poles always followed in a phenomenon. Related to credit card using people should be brake and distinct themselves for kind of payment they do properly.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task II : Do you believe studying hard will bring better life, Agree disagree [2]

Does good exam result at a school or college do guarantee success in life? Discuss the advantages that a good education can have on your future. Do you believe that studying hard will bring a better life?

----------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------

The outcome of tough study process is related to the economic prosperity. However, this view leads people to think that outweigh of good education is the way to hold better life. While it is true I believe that bright future is not only caused by hard study process.

Firstly, in the 21st century high standard in exam result is the common parameter for enrolled first-class schools. We can see schools with good reputation take high requirements for new candidates such as highly mark in previous school or recommendation from credible person. It is understandable because good schools is viewed can deliver success for their student.

Furthermore, good schools are related to student's bright future. Also, this can be true because they provided several aspects to encourage student ability including proficient lecture, curriculum, facilities and character buildings lesson. On the other hand, inequality schools usually stay behind the good one and we can imply that inequality schools students commonly have less ability rather than first-rate school students. For example, announcement of math competition usually netted qualify school rather than school in the bordered. The purpose of this act is to make competition more prestigious because the organizer already knows qualification of students. From this case we can imply that students in good schools have more chance to develop their self in order to reach success instead of bordered schools.

Nevertheless, although studying hard is related to the better life it is might consider taking soft skill improvement onto person success path. We can see several success stories begin when the actors can improve their social skills on well set. For example, success story of Tom Cruise, Hollywood actor with dyslexia. Dyslexian see the written seem moving like dancing so they cannot read. Although iterate Tom proves his social skill allow him become success.

In conclusion, I believe good result exam make easier path for student convey their bright future, but this is not the only way to dealt with this. Moreover, outside school mark student as human being should build soft skill to support their success in society.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task I : Describing Map Chorleywood Area [11]

Chorleywood is a village near London whose population has increased steadily since the middle of the nineteenth century. The Map below shows the development of the village.

Regarding to the map Chorleywood is divided into nine blocks which is changing in a-four different periods.
Originally, main road existed in the left and in the top of the picture. The length of each side provided from the north to the south and also from the west to the east. On the other hand the other type of street is gradually built. The Railway length from west to east built in 1909 while motorway in the east, which connects the north to south, built in 1970.

Chorleywood area also develops consecutively for the last 126 years appeared in 1868 until 1994. In the beginning, from 1868 to 1883, there was the least area arising in the centre block while tremendous growth was occurs between 1990-1970 in the almost all blocks. It is interesting to seek more that area around Chorleywood station is rapidly developed between 1868 to 1970 rather than other area. While in the entire 126 years block in the west of Chorleywood Park and Golf Course was not develops at all.

• 
  chorleywood.jpg
  

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task II : Male and female number in University (re-write) [5]

In my previous writing I have advice to revise my several errors. This is my second writing with same prompt. I am open for comments

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extend do you agree or disagree.
answer

Gender equality in university acceptance is become controversial issue. Although some people think important for universities to equalize number of male and female students in each subjects, the others sayings against it. Therefore I might agree with the latter.

To begin with, most of universities accept their new student based on their ability. This opinion guides management to make requirement for netting eligible candidates to sit in the university chairs. The two mains requirement, either student report in high school or university early examinations, are resulting for unequal numbers male and female student approval. For instance, Medical faculty has quota for 200 new collegians and based on the solid set requirement, 125 female and 75 male are permit to enroll in this university. This common way is indirectly steered university to approve different number male and female students.

Nevertheless, gender activists have strong sounds for making similar proportion, both male and female, in the annual university acceptance. This criticism can be understood as an implementation of right in a nation. Taking Indonesia as an example, 1945 principal rights in the 31 paragraph said that "every citizen has the same right in education". Moreover, it means that universities should be provided similar quota, even male or female, in each subject they have. Enlarging of this view we can see similar opportunity for people to build carrier as their passion which sometimes out of social common embody Helle-Thorning Schmidt, Denmark Prime minister, or Prof Douglas Kilts, Nursing Professor in Borough of Manhattan Community College.

In conclusion, I tend to agree to make similarity number in student, male and female, acceptance. This is such a way to go out from stereotype that certain subject is only suitable for man and vice versa.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task I : Coastal Villange changing (Map Description) [5]

This picture below shows the changes of a small village and its surrounding in the coastal which expand into tourism area.

As we can see, the significant change from the coastal area is looked from numbers of building. Previously this area has many spaces and day by day changes become crowded.

In the top picture is seen that the resident area is take place in the centre point. Nowadays buildings in the centre altered with different modern buildings including skyscrapers, hotels and resort in the west and the east. Furthermore, land conversion also occurs in the border of the sea. This conversion makes the harbour and the residence area reformed into a large marshal area which use for tourism activity.

Changing is also happening in the left and right corner. The woodland demolish into land without plant. Also, we can see government build Main Street to connect groups of housing in the mountain with city centre.

• 
  fishing_village.jpg
  

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task II : Equal number of gender in the universities entrance [12]

Free for comment
Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

answer

Emancipation in education should be asked nowadays. As we seen university approval based on gender become debatable, should be it equal or not. Some groups argue that outnumber of male student or female in every subjects will be challenged emancipation, and vice versa. It is interesting to discuss what universities should be decided about this issue. Based this I quietly disagree that universities should be accepted student equal, it should be unequal.

Firstly, sex ratio in our population is not equal. However the number of male and female who entrancing university also has differences. This difference for several people is a violation of emancipation. They tend to make same number for each gender such as 500 chairs for male an also for female.

Secondly, enrolling university should be based on the examination result. It is important to select the candidates from their ability based instead proportionate them quantitatively but lack. In addition, examination scores gaining is the criterion to candidate for eligibly accepted them in a subject. This means that numbers of each gender are unpredictable when the requirements are set solid. Student in each genders also have different interest in different subject. For instance, Engineering faculty has quota for 500 students and the examination results 375 male and 25 female selected. Accordingly, impossible for universities gains similar student number of each gender.

In conclusion, it is illogical that universities should be equalizing numbers of gender in annual acceptance. I agree that early examination as the best way to decide the proper candidates.