Writing Feedback / Parents wonder whether it is better to send their children to single-sex school than to mixed school [2]

The writer is responding to a different prompt question, perhaps of his own creation. The topic being referred to in relation to the foundational topic is: "Some people think that children going to single-sex schools have disadvantages later in life". This is the discussion consideration for the direct question which is : "To what extent do you agree?"

It appears that the writer was not able to fully understand the question, leading to the unrelated response and discussion paragraphs. The measured response should only relate to the disadvantage topic presented later in the original prompt. The task response requirements were not appropriately met. The writer did not meet the following scoring requirements:

- measured emotional response
- a clear single opinion
-2 paragraphs of supporting reasons in relation to the measured single opinion
- An acceptable reverse paraphrase based on the previous discussions.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 The pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production [3]

[The winter should indicate the image locationon the page if it is actually provided in the report. Since it was indicated as included but not presented, there is nouwa reference inaccuracy in the presentation. For accuracy purposes, mention the number of images but not a page position. The trending explanation is confusing to read because unrelated data for 2 different years are presented in one sentence. That needs to be presented on an individuald sentence basis with direct reference to the trend for the year.

There are punctuation inaccuracies in reference to data presentation. When referring to percentages, decimal points are more commonly used instead of a comma.The writer uses both, which tends to confuse the actual numerical reference. The word is Petrol, not Petto. The author must understand the importance of editing and proof-reading to his score. Leaving related errors affect the LR and GRA scores. Also, a paragraph can only recieve a complete score if it meets the minimum 3 sentence requirement. The last sentence is not going to recieve a good score because it does not meet the requirements for a completely developed paragraph.

Scholarship / Sharing Knowledge Could Help Efficiency At Work - Leadership and Influence Essay for Chevening [3]

NOTE: Upload actual drafts only. There is no such thing as a trial essay.

Chevening reviewers are looking for applicants who embody strong leadership and influencing skills based on their work experience or related experiences. These are to be presented in a manner that shows advanced people and team handling skills in various scenarios. It should show people skills training on the part of the applicant. The applicant does not depict advanced people management skills at all. In fact, it is so basic in terms of representation that the essay will disqualify the applicant.

The actual information even sounds like it was merely reformatted from the bullet points resume of the applicant. Rather than leadership and influencing skills being highlighted, it offers a position title with duties and responsibilities instead. The latter should never be confused with actual leadership and influencing abilities. Sample essays with correct leadership and influencing presentations are freely available to be used as samples at this forum.

Writing Feedback / Learning english at school is often seen as more important than learning local languages. IELTSTask2 [3]

The writer has not provided a direct and acceptable response to the question: SHOULD WE TRY TO ENSURE THE SURVIVAL OF LOCAL LANGUAGES? The paragraph that relates to this question presents a vague response at the most. It could use expanded discussions to help create a clearer sense of why local dialects are relevant to the country and why it should be preserved.

Questions have been provided in a specific series in the original presentation for a reason. The consecutive response presentations following the original concept creates an automatic ohesive and coherent content. Following the given format for the discussion would have ensured the highest possible score immediately in that scoring section. Being creative and mixing up the paragraph presentations can only be accomplished by writers who already know how to use transition sentences. T his writer does not have that ability yet. So the essay is not as well presented as it could have been.

There is no concluding paragraph in the essay. It is an automatic fail. Simply saying " Finally" does not create a concluding paragraph since the content of that paragraph does not provide concluding summary requirements. In fact, the explanation again, fails to fully explain why it is important for everyone to learn English.

* Contact me privately for a band score.

Writing Feedback / It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct (e.g. dinosaur, dodo...) [2]

This is only an extent essay. It is not a cause and effect discussion. Therefore, the first reasoning paragraph that deals with the cause and effect of animal extinction is invalid, As that paragraph does not relate to the given discussion question, the examiner shall disregard that paragraph and leave it unscored. It will limit the scoring possibility in terms of:

- coherence and cohesiveness
- task applicability of all responses
- Discussion accuracy

These will be the reasons why the discussion will be scored based on a lack of properly developed opinion reasoning. The second, applicable paragraph will be scored as a part of the relevant discussion. The with needs to review punctuation usage rules. Punctuation marks are never used successively and ellipses are not used in academic writing. Proper punctuation usage is a major scoring consideration so these must always be used within the correct parameters.

Writing Feedback / Percentage of daily intake of sodium, saturated fat and added sugar consumed in meals and snacks [2]

The writer ensured that this essay will be awarded a failing score based on lack of word count at the very start of the scoring process. All essays that contain less than 150 words will not meet the minimum passing requirements for the task. This can be corrected by not using compressed information sentences in the presentation. Expanding the paragraph content by using longer analysis presentations and comparative discussions can help with the word count situation. It will also help create more focused reporting sections and a better connected discussion in every paragraph. The aim, is to complete a quick report through the use of at least 3 sentences per paragraph. The current presentation only indicates data but does not offer any reference to the writer's analytical skills which are requirements for higher study students in the western and European part of the world.

Writing Feedback / In the past, people wore their traditional clothes and followed their culture. [4]

Never justify the side that you do not support. Not unless there is away that the opposing aspect / non-supported stance will be discussed as a negative to prove the writer's point. This is a written debate. The reasoning consideration should work on the premise that a commonly accepted positive is actually a negative and, a negative is just that, a negative.

The current presentation does not offer a clear defense of the writer's opinion. That has a negative TA effect. The . presented is not fully supported in the reasoning paragraphs. A clear indication that the writer himself is not convinced he has a winnable argument presented. A well developed essay can support the writer's opinion based on 2 strong and convincing reasons. This essay only partially implements that expected discussion.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1: The line graph shows the number of single-family homes in the United States... [4]

The comparisons presented do not cover an equal comparison of the 4 regions. The writer always does a complete analysis of the first region in the paragraph, then only skims the information and discussion for the second region. So the analyses and comparison , though quite wordy, is not really an academic analysis of the image provided.

Even though the writer has presented the correct information, there was still a lack of proofreading and editing of the content. The writer tried to use advanced English words that are specific to a particular field such as astronomy (nadir). While impressive the meaning of the word does not apply to this discussion. Expect LR deductions for other unrelated word usage.

Writing Feedback / Enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period [2]

The summary overview goes at a confusing rate. Scoring is not only based on thought clarity, but sentence clarity as well. A clear sentence is defined as ; a grammatical unit of one or more words that expresses an independent statement, question, request, command, exclamation, etc., and that typically has a subject as well as a predicate. The sentence must contain only one of each to pass as either simple or complex versions with some conjunction usage to connect related ideas. A combination of several representations of each component is a run- on. A run-on lacks wherence and cohesiveness. The summary overview fails to provide a succint sentence representation of the paragraph. It has failed in its objective to inform the reader. Sadly, the overall presentation contains the same problems. Why is the writer opting to not analyze the information? Why is he rushing to and the task in a manner that risks a failing score?

Writing Feedback / Is it not possible nor useful to provide tertiary education for the majority of young people [2]

The writer offers a basic disagreement rather than the required emotional extent response As asked by the discussion prompt. The writer must provide a degree of support to help convince the reader of his conviction in his point of meer. The response format is incomplete and also, could be considered incorrect by some examiners. The scores are affected when expected response formats are not used by the writer when creating the thesis sentence. Always provide proper response to avoid partial or non - application of section scores.

The response paragraphs are comparative where single opinion presentations are needed. The whole point is to convince the reader that the disagreement is the correct opinion. However, using a comparison that gives support to both ideas destroys the previously stated opinion. Where there was once a clear opinion, only a questionable opinion is seen by the lader. This will cause the essay to not fulfill opinion clarity requirements and instead be scored based on a confusing and stressful presentation..

Writing Feedback / The question of whether investors should focus more on railways rather than roadways [3]

More familiarity with the response requirements of various prompt instructions will help the writer understand the response format requirement. Every question needs a specific response. A measured response cannot be used in an ordinary agree or disagree essay. While a measured extent response cannot be used for an ordinary agree or disagree essay either. This is the primary presentation mistake in this presentation. An ordinary response was used where an extent was specified.

Since the discussion format is incorrect but a related response was provided, the essay will recieve a portion of each scoring criteria. A full score can only be awarded when a proper response format is used. The essay might, there is no assurance that it will , recieve a base passing score.

Writing Feedback / The line graph represents the amount of electricity generated in France by four forms of sources [2]

The measurement reference should have been mentioned in the summary overview. It was, afterall, mentioned specifically in the report title and above the live graph in the image presentation. It is considered the default reference for all 4 power sources. Always double check the image data. A highlighted representation must always be included in the summary report to add accuracy to the short form presentation.

Review conjunction usage rules. "But" is a conjunction used to contrast a related discussion topic. Since a new electricity source is mentioned in the second paragraph towards the end, a conjunction cannot be used. A new sentence would have worked better.

Writing Feedback / It is believed that colleges should equip students with the knowledge and necessary skils [5]

The student failed to do a proper paraphrasing of the original topic having used cut and paste presentations for key phrases and words. A lack of opinion in response to the discussion question will make the essay struggle towards a passing score. The establishing score of the first paragraph will prevent that. The discussion paragraphs do not offer a clear opinion based on a single supported response.

The writer has analyzed both sides rather than presenting the required single opinion defense. It is evident that the writer was incapable of developing a format responsive discussion as indicated originally. An inability to understand the discussion needs of this presentation will result in a failing score.

Another added scoring failure is how the witter is I and misspelling English words. Using words that sound impressive but whose usage is incorrect in the sentence can only lead to a non-passing LR score.

Writing Feedback / IETLS WRITING TASK 2: The importance of teachers and parents in the development of children [2]

The writer has misled the reader into thinking that only his opinion should be presented in the discussion. Both points of view come from a general personal presentation without 3rd group pronoun usage.The essay therefore, reflects only the writer's thoughts, negating the public opinion. The writer should use proper pronoun references to indicate an analysis of the opinions leading to the development and explanation of his personal insight.

The writer provided a personal opinion at the start but did not expand the discussion to represent how his thoughts add support and value to the public opinion he sides with. The essay can only recieve partial scoring due to the missing points previously mentioned.

The essay must provide a clear representation to group thought before individual thought. Although well-written, the format needs more work.

Writing Feedback / Is the extinction of individual plant and animal species the main environmental problem today? [4]

The writer needs to be familiar with the one major rule of writing this type of essay, the public opinion explanation matters equally to that of the personal opinion. A personal opinion can only be witten after a full explanation of the public support. Then the with can write a supporting or non - supporting opinion of his own reasons. Both opinions cannot be correct as a personal assessment is required. Compare the public to the personal opinion. The discussions cannot be based on the personal alone. Neither can thepublic opinions be discussed in the same or a single paragraph, That is an auto fail based on improperly developed reasoning and lack of justification for both public beliefs. Discuss each public opinion per paragraph, then blend the personal opinion into it for maximum comparison score effectively.

Writing Feedback / The line graph illustrates both fossil fuel energy and clean energy consumption in the USA [4]

The report, makes sense even though the writer has problems with word usage and sentence formation. Where the writer was ultra-focused on word usage in the previous task exercise, he seemed not to care about his written presentation this time around. There is a clear lack of editing and correction application in the presentation. The mistakes are enough to cause severe penalties in at least 3 scoring sections. Perhaps the writer wanted to fail in this exercise. He just did not care about getting a good score this time. It is evident that he needs to develop his homonym usage skills to allow for better sentence structure, development, and presentation.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Writing Task 1: The chart illustrates consumption of three kinds of fast food by teenagers [2]

The summary is incorrect. It does not refer to the correct topic, proper nationality reference for people from Mauritius, nor indicate the correct measurement type. It is not a paragraph but a score reducing run- on presentation. It will force a low starting TA score for the report.

The paragraph presentations need to have a uniform length and avoid incidental run-on presentations. The word usage is acceptable but the student shows a severe focus on that scoring section alone. The word usage is forced and unnatural because of this incorrect effort on the port of the student. A balance must be found between academic and everyday ward usage.

The tending presentation is referred to only once. The writer tends to create a number of these throughout the presentation.

Scholarship / GKS - U 202x Biology Philippines [2]

Reminder: There is no such thing as a practice application essay. The applicant has used her one free essay advice credit on this so- called "practice" essay. Succeeding reviews for other versions of this essay will then fall under our paid review services.

The applicant has no clear career path. As a contractually obligated STEM student, she should not be presenting unrelated activities here. There is no defined course choice and relevant accomplishments that show an academic and extra curricular pursuit in relation to the course the student wishes to pursue. Does the writer wish to pursue a career in research science or a related field? The motivation and its related STEM aspects are missing and will be the reason the application is disqualified.

The applicant needs to commit to a STEM related course as required by her high school scholarship contract. It is this internal conflict that will definitely ruin her scholarship application chances. Download the application packet next year and write a " non-practice" essay, based on that year's requirements. This essay is useless.

Writing Feedback / The chart below shows waste collection by a recycling centre from 2011 to 2015 [2]

The writer is showing an unfamiliarity with writing rules by being disrespectful to the reader. Caps lock writing in bold black letters indicates that the writer wrote in "screaming mode" at the examiner which poses a GRA scoring problem. several academic writing rules were vviolated in that paragraph presentation. The writer should not make ita habit of writing in this format due to the potential for heavy scoring deductions.

The writer continues to ignore sentence spacing requirements in the presentation. the space bar must be pressed after every period before the next word to place a reading space and pause in- between sentences. The writer is looking at a failing GRA score based on these writing rule violations. These deductions will lower the final to a possibly failing one.

Writing Feedback / It is rather usual these days for undergraduates to study overseas as part of their degrees. Ielts 2 [4]

The student must use the choice keywords in response to the question to show a clearly related opinion. Therefore, the response is;" The advantages still outweigh the disadvantages". That is the clearest gquestion response possible that maximizes the TA score.

The reasoning paragraphs always waste the first 2 sentences. The writer should use specific topic references instead of explaining what he will be writing about in the paragraph twice. If it does not move the discussion forward, it does not warrant a second, successive mention. It will just lower the C + C score.

The concluding summary does a good job at reverse paraphrasing. It remained on topic, relevant, and effective when reminding the reader of the reasoning topics.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1: The graph shows the percentages of people going to cinemas in a country [6]

The writer needs to learn to vary time references in relation to the 3 indicated years. His constant mention of the 3 years consistently in the essay creates reader fatigue. It also shows a limited vocabulary as the reference to the years from the image have no variations throughout the report. Some variations are:

- Indicated years
- corresponding year references
- specified eras

to name a few variations that would have limited the redundant reference presentations.

The image measurements are compared based on 3 years, per day. That is not clearly referenced in the paragraphs. Consider using a more defined presentation next time. Clarity is after all, a major scoring consideration.

Writing Feedback / Environmental Problems and solutions. In which ways humans are damaging the environment? [2]

Based on the original prompt, this discussion must be composed of 3 discussion and reasoning paragraphs. The individual paragraph topics are as follows:

Paragraph 2: Ways in which humans are damaging the environment.
Paragraph 3: What can governments do to address these problems?
Paragraph 4: What can individual people do?

The present discussion paragraphs do not do a good job of addressing these questions fully as the topics are barely explained and often combine topics in paragraphs, creating mentions rather than developed explations that are based on:

- reasoning merit
- relevant examples
- supporting ideas

Both of which should be discussed in relevant paragraphs using an expanded presentation form. The writer makes zero effort to create cohesive topic paragraphs or paragraph content, further reducing the quality of work in the presentation.

Research Papers / Does Meat cause cancer, how and why? What can be done to eat meat safely? [2]

It appears the writer forgot to upload the complete research paper. The discussion is presented but there is no background/ introduction paragraph. That preceding paragraph should then be followed by a thesis paragraph which represents the series of questions that the research hopes to inform the reader about. A paragraph describing the research style should immediately follow to explain how the research was accomplished and the basis of the sources. Citations should not be used as an introduction to the topic . Only after that proper set-up should the current discussion paragraphs should be presented. Paragraphs must never end with an intext citation or paraphrasing. Use insight instead. The writer should use a general point of view and avoid personal bias in the presentation. Academic research does not take sides. It should instead encourage the reader to come to his own informed conclusion.

Scholarship / GKS-U 2022 Personal letter - applying to this program to get a chance to learn Korean [2]

Since the applicant is already employed full-time, there is a great chance of this application being rejected since the G K S - U scholarship is for graduating or fresh high school graduates. The essay presentation is difficult to read, not being properly structured in English and all. The writer does not have any impressive or noteworthy academic accomplishments that would relate to an academic motivation. There is no reference to a course choice either. Basically, every reason exists for this application to be disqualified in the assessment round. The main point, academic relevance and motivation, is missing from the discussion. Desire to learn a language and a culture is not considered an academic or career ambition, no matter how the writer believes it is meant to improve bilateral relations.

Writing Feedback / THE EXPECTION FOR LENGTHS OF STAY NOW AND IN FIVE YEARS [2]

The essay does not meet the necessary analytical, reporting, and comparison discussion requirements. There should be at least 150 words in this presentation to meet the minimum writing standards for score awarding. I see only 145 words in this presentation. It is definitely not a passing representation of the provided image data. The writer did not consider the scoring requirements for writing such as:

- The chart type / specific image identification
- A trending statement based on maximum year projections
- Proper measurement breakdown based on yearly presentations
- Incorrect simple and complex sentence presentations
- Varied punctuation marks, measurement, and numerical usage based on GRA requirements

These corrections must be applied in the next practice essay to achieve passing consideration.

Scholarship / Medicine and Healthcare - [Australia Awards] How did you choose your proposed course and institution [2]

Remove the ranking references of the universities. Do not indicate a first or second choice either. The applicant must appear honored to be accepted into either university. Right now, the applicant honors one university and insults the other in the eyes of the Australian reviewer. He could be removed from consideration for making such insulting / hurtful statements. It would be better to explain the choice based on 2 relevant aspects:

- The relationship of the applicant's undergraduate course to each chosen masters course. Offering direct subjects studied in connection with the course will be helpful.

- Work exposure that reveals a hands-on experience or focus for each course option.

Combining these 2 for each course will depict a professional and academic familiarity to the course requirements without having to go into details that would make the response go over the 200 word maximum.

Scholarship / GKS-U 2022 essay; language study plan [3]

The before arriving presentation ends abruptly. It appears there is no lesson based Hangul learning beyond the hobby aspect. The applicant will successfully irritate the reviewer by inserting Hangul characters in the presentation. I have it on reliable authority that the applicant gets on the wrongside of the reviewer this way. Why? The student attempts to unsuccessfully brag about his non-existent Hangul skills this way. Anybody can use software to write a phrase,sentence, or the Korean characters for Hangul, that does not require lessons. If the aim is to properly impress, then, write the whole essay in Hangul since that is the other language option for responding. The other is to present a TOPIK certification of 5 and above immediately. Those are the only 2 ways to properly impress the reviewer and jump the application consideration line in an impressive manner.

Essays / How do you write a personal response essay? [8]

Download the application packet. Chevening essays are pretty much self- explanatory and offer clear writing guides for the applicants within the descriptive instructions. I am not sure what guides are needed. I can only offer guidance to the applicant after having read the response drafts. Writing directions are already provided so the writer only needs to write about the relevant information. If the applicant has a problem writing a specific essay, then he should ask directly about how to approach that prompt based on his abilities and qualifications. I cannot guess those things since the applicant has not offered any preliminary writing in relation to the writing requirement to me at this point. Write the essays first then have it reviewed here.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Gaining knowledge of history of house and building [2]

This is one of the most confusing essays ever to be posted at this forum. The obvious transliteration of the text from the writer's native language to English caused this situation. The way the sentences were structured makes it appear as if the writer did one of 2 things:

- used a language translation software in an unsuccessful manner
- used a thesaurus without considering different word usage meaning or scenarios.

It is difficult to assess if the winter would have a chance ata passing score with this essay due to the confusing and stressful presentation. The examiner will find it difficult to easily comprehend what is being implied in the writing.

Writing Feedback / Employers should focus on personal qualities instead of qualifications and experience when hiring [2]

It is not the response of the writer is incorrect because, it is not. The writer understood the question and offered a relevant response. The problem is in the quality of the writing. The writer has a problem presenting clear thoughts in the paragraphs. Sentence formation based on proper word selection, usage, and positioning are not his strong suits. These are the sentence writing limitations of the writer that affected the clarity and easy understanding of the presentation. By incorrectly focusing on word choice rather than using simple references in the presentation, the writer unintentionally over- complicated the writing and removed the basic clarity of the explanation. it is this writing approach that produced errors in the paragraph presentations.

Essays / How to write a Statement of Purpose for Transportation Engineering [2]

Your geomatic studies will need to show an interest in remote sensing, satellite-based global positioning, geographic information systems, drone based mapping, laser scanning, surveying and digital mapping. Pick any of the sub-specialties that you actually excel at and can be supported by grades in related subjects , internships, future career plans, and any relevant work experience (if taking a master's that requires relevant experience for consideration ). Remember that the masters course needs to prove an academic continuation and professional relevance / career growth. The undergraduate course is relevant so it is just a matter of finding the sub-speciality that will be supported by your academic and /or professional documentation.

Writing Feedback / In many parts of the world, families were larger in the past because they have more children. [3]

A multi-generational family is not the same as a large family. When referring to multi - generations, it could refer to the nucleus of the grandparents, parents, and children. These could be composed of as little as 5 people. A large family is composed of parents and several children. This is a severe word usage error that shows the English vocabulary limitations of the student. The word "multi- generational" was incorrectly used. It altered the topic and provided an incorrect opinion statement on the writer's part. The paraphrase + opinion statement is incorrect.

For the opinion, the writer was asked if there were more advantages or disadvantages to being part of a large family in the past. The writer said it was equal. Being a single opinion basis essay, the willis response is unacceptable. The discussion should have focused on a clear support for one opinion. The writer offered a non- commital response when the essay is scored on the clarity of support for a single, clear opinion. This is not a passing presentation.

Writing Feedback / I am struggling with this essay : Agree or disagree "Watching TV is a waste of time for children" ? [3]

The paraphrase + opinion statement should only be 2 sentences that focus on the topic and response.There was no need for the sentence fillers , which still left the essay short of the 250 word requirement. The student also altered the response format from agree or disagree to advantage or disadvantage. This is automatically a failing paragraph. The writer should have used agree or disagree to respond and stay on track with the response format.

The writer continued to offer an A/D consideration in the succeeding paragraphs. The essay has delivered explanations totally unrelated to the task provided. The writer struggled to respond and write a proper answer because he did not understand the question and, was not familiar with the needed response format. He should review essay samples first to familiarize himself with writing expectations for these tasks before trying his hand at writing a response again. There are enough samples at this forum to help him do that. Read and learn from the mistakes of others.

Writing Feedback / W task 1: The graph below shows average yearly rainfall in Moscow and San Francisco [2]

The writer has done a good job of comparing rainfall data and comparing the figures. The information is concise and well presented within a reasonable number of words. It can easily be written , reviewed, and revised within 20 minutes. The problem of the essay is in the review and revise part. He forgot to do that part before submitting the essay. The grammar could have been cleaned up in terms of word usage. Perhaps, the writer is not proficient in that aspect yet. So vocabulary growth and presentation improvement should be the writers next focus for his English studies. Without these considerations, the writer still wrote a clearly understandable essay. It is sad that technicalities will force it to get a lower score credit.

Writing Feedback / Technology leads to the unavoidable shifting of the interactions between people - writing task 2 [2]

The writer has taken a wrong and failing score discussion approach.The writer cannot use a "safe" answer by agreeing with both sides. Both sides cannot be correct. The writer should take up the defense of only one side because the score is based upon how well the writer defends his supported side / opinion. There are no right or wong answers. Only a well- defended response based on 2 valid reasons. There was a failure on the writers part to fully understand the question and expected response format. This essay does not provide a clear response to the question so, there is no clear opinion presented. The presentation does not meet the writing guidelines based on the discussion question indicated in the original.

Scholarship / GKS U 2022, RUNN FOR A BETTER LIFE, MY BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION'S ESSAY [3]

The writer has just wasted his one free essay advice by providing an irrelevant G K S personal statement. As the new writing guidelines have already been released, I can safely say that this personal statement will disqualify the applicant from the running. Mostly because he is running a different race from the other applicants. The presentation does not meet the information standards outlined in the latest application packet. I will not be able to help improve the content due to non- compliance of writing instructions. It will be impossible. The best thing the applicant can do is download the application packet and write an essay based on the actual information requirements.

Writing Feedback / The column chart gives information about the places visited by people living in Australia [3]

The writing approach for this essay is unique in the sense that it should follow a distinct comparative pattern over 4 paragraph. A clear comparison for each group should be completed based on the place visited and the relevant measurement for each of the 3 sectors. That is how the essay becomes clear and easy for the leader to follow and understand. The current presentation is all over the place, lacking a clear paragraph focus/ topic each time. Avoid confusing the presentation by suddenly inserting other places and measurements. That is not the only way to write this report. Use individual comparisons when it will add clarity and coherence to the report.

Writing Feedback / Many consider that history subject cannot bring any practical use - Ielts 2 [2]

Where did the reference to employability come from? The original prompt does not include such a mention. Do not add any information that alters the original discussion. That is a percentage score deduction. The paraphrasing failed to include references to all stated opinion points, creating an inaccurate topic representation. The paraphrase in going to encounter failed score inducing deductions.

The writer uses memorized phrases learned in class such as on the one hand and on the other hand. While useful when learning transition phrases, learning to use topic sentence openers would earn better scores .

The writer uses only his personal opinion throughout the discussion I while it is comparative, the public opinion explanation is missing. So the reasons why the public supports each opinion, and how it relates to the personal opinion is missing. This will force a lower C + C score as well.

Writing Feedback / Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others... [2]

The writers opinion in response to the question lacks a basis and therefore, has no merit for consideration. Without the restatement of the 2 public opinions before the opinion presentation, the paragraph representation is incomplete, making it difficult to understand.

The first reason presented is very good.The writer proved the academic enhancement that video games provide. The second reason though , contradicted the stated opinion when the writer should have turned this negative perception into a positive by writing about its unknown merits based on the previously presented negative. The essay only partially fulfills the discussion requirements and will not recieve full scoring considerations in specific scoring parts.

Research Papers / United States Decrease in Population Growth [2]

The essay does not have a proper topic introduction and thesis statement. The first paragraph is directly informative and citing sources already.Those are discussion paragraph related presentations already. There is no reason for the research. The writer also has a tendency to use casual, everyday English words, removing the academic tone and integrity of the presentation. While I understand the youthfulness of the author affects his language usage, he is not exempt ffrom using an academic tone in an academic paper.

The actual presentation does not have any true information analysis, only cited text in every paragraph. The essay is almost fully composed of other information presentation. There is no evidence of water based analysis and opinion. This is going to be either a re-do for improvements or a failing paper. The writer took the easy way of completing the paper, which led to too much cut and paste/ cited information. That is the other serious problem of this presentation.