Writing Feedback / Descriptive essay about an extraordinary island [5]

From june to September (a comma)there are strong winds hitting the island and destroy the stalls. During this time Hence (a comma) many people move from coastal regions because of the strong winds that can destroy the stalls . However, it has pleasant climate on winter comes out . Although it doesn't rain a lot there, sometimes you can feel the warm drops of rain falling from the sky.

Essays / how can i make a good introduction? essay about myself [8]


Bad grammar.
My name is Sherabie Aseras with 14 years old


Like other people, I have faced some obstacles in my life, but I always overcame them in my best way.

Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY:Manual jobs are being done by sophisticated machines, good trend? [4]

5 or 4 paragraphs?
Well, if you have a question that you don't like at all, then you can write with a 5-paragraph essay. You write one introduction, three bodies, and one conclusion. This can help you write more words, but some students, that I see, put grandiose ideas, by writing too many words. Uppsss.., remember, 40 minutes to finish your essay are a must :D

With this structure, you are easy to develop your paragraph properly. This is good for coherence and cohesion between the sentence-to-paragraph-to-essay construction, and for which in the five-paragraph structure this is weak.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: In the modern world, we should never be impolite to another person. [7]

5 or 4 paragraphs?
Well, if you have a question that you don't like at all, then you can write with a 5-paragraph essay. You write one introduction, three bodies, and one conclusion. This can help you write more words, but some students, that I see, put grandiose ideas, by writing too many words. Uppsss.., remember, 30 minutes to finish your essay are a must :D

With this structure, you are easy to develop your paragraph properly. This is good for coherence and cohesion between the sentence-to-paragraph-to-essay construction, and for which in the five-paragraph structure this is weak.

Undergraduate / APPLYING IN TURKISH UNIVERSITIES, why should I choose turkey? [3]


Simply say: I have a dream to study abroad or my dream is to study abroad.
Help your reader, like me, by stating your sentence simple.


I believe that Turkey with its modernity, education, culture, and good-environment is the most ideal country to study.

Scholarship / Statement on why I wish to enroll in a NASA internship. [5]

Although I really enjoy having the warm and human relationship that Medicine provides, I never saw myself working in a hospital or on my ownpractice. As I am about to graduate, I'm facing again thatthe same challenge about my professional pathway. I could choose the traditional, riskless and well-paying optionS : a medical residency in a profitable specialty. ButHowever, I realized that I wou d makeredo the same mistake again , taking the easy way instead of having the courage to follow my own desire. So, I am convinced to pursueearn a career in biotechnological development and research.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 : Effects of Technology on people's relationship. [9]

1. Even your prompt is open for two questions to answer, there is no harm you stating your own opinion in the introduction itself. It is nicer when you conclude the intro with a statement expressing your opinion very clearly. That helps you take the reader in your desired direction.

2. Not separating paragraphs. Your score will immediately drop if you do not separate paragraphs clearly. My advice: leave a full line between paragraphs.

Writing Feedback / In some countries teens have jobs while they are students.is it good or not? [6]

The first thing the reader sees is your layout, which shows whole of your essay. If the layout is difficult to read, which is let's say: no spaces between paragraphs, then he/she immediately knows your writing needs more work to read. Hence, I suggest you to leave one space every time you open a new paragraph.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: technology affects people's interaction with each other [8]


This essay has two questions to answer.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'Durdle Door and Dorset' - Erosion of a Headland [3]

Diachronic maps/picts
Intro: here you should state what the maps/picts show
Overview: state what the direction of change is (is the city more modernized, has it turned to a tourist attraction/resort, etc)
Body: start with the most obvious changes and then try to cover all the changes.

Synchronic maps/picts.
Intro: here you should state what the maps/picts show
Overview: depending on what the purpose of those points are, give an opinion about which one may serve our purpose better.
Body: compare the two points

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1. Parcels delivered by Federal Express and TNT Mail Services [5]

Single graphs
Introduction: Here you should state what the graph shows
short body paragraph: state the most important piece of information here (summary/overview)
main body paragraphs: Here you need to make comparisons and state the important features of the graphs (usually 2 paragraphs)

Writing Feedback / IELTS. X Disease Cases in Someland (1960-1995) [4]

Single graphs
Introduction: Here you sould state what the graph shows
short body paragraph: state the most improtant piece of information here (summary/overview)
main body paragraphs: Here you need to make comparisons and state the important features of the graphs (usually 2 paragraphs)

Double graphs
Introduction: Write one sentence, but introduce each chart separately e.g "This first bart chart shows..., and the second chart illustrates

Short body:
Write 2 sentences. If the information in the charts is not connected, find one main point or general trend for each chart. If the charts are connected, try to make comparisons

Main body paragprahs: If the two charts are completely different (e.g. a graph and a table), write a separate paragraph about each.
If the charts are the same, and show the same information (e.g. 2 pie charts), do not describe them separately, the examiner will want to see comparisons.

In this case, you could write one paragraph describing all of the information, but it is still more preferable to write two paragraphs because it makes the essay look more organized

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: international students graduated in several canadian regions [10]

Single graphs
Introduction: Here you should state what the graph shows
short body paragraph: state the most important piece of information here (summary/overview)
main body paragraphs: Here you need to make comparisons and state the important features of the graphs (usually 2 paragraphs)

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Travel to and from UK and popular countries visited by BRITON [7]

Double graphs
Introduction: Write one sentence, but introduce each chart separately e.g "This first bart chart shows..., and the second chart illustrates

Short body:
Write 2 sentences. If the information in the charts is not connected, find one main point or general trend for each chart. If the charts are connected, try to make comparisons

Main body paragraphs: If the two charts are completely different (e.g. a graph and a table), write a separate paragraph about each.
If the charts are the same, and show the same information (e.g. 2 pie charts), do not describe them separately, the examiner will want to see comparisons.

In this case, you could write one paragraph describing all of the information, but it is still more preferable to write two paragraphs because it makes the essay look more organized

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: Callum University graduates - numbers of male students [8]

Single graphs
Introduction: Here you should state what the graph shows
short body paragraph: state the most important piece of information here (summary/overview)
main body paragraphs: Here you need to make comparisons and state the important features of the graphs (usually 2 paragraphs)

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Birth and Death rates in Switzerland [4]

Single graphs
Introduction: Here you should state what the graph shows
short body paragraph: state the most important piece of information here (summary/overview)
main body paragraphs: Here you need to make comparisons and state the important features of the graphs (usually 2 paragraphs)

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1. Travel to / from UK from 1979 to 1999 [2]

Double graphs
Introduction: Write one sentence, but introduce each chart separately e.g "This first bart chart shows..., and the second chart illustrates

Short body:
Write 2 sentences. If the information in the charts is not connected, find one main point or general trend for each chart. If the charts are connected, try to make comparisons

Main body paragprahs: If the two charts are completely different (e.g. a graph and a table), write a separate paragraph about each.
If the charts are the same, and show the same information (e.g. 2 pie charts), do not describe them separately, the examiner will want to see comparisons.

In this case, you could write one paragraph describing all of the information, but it is still more preferable to write two paragraphs because it makes the essay look more organized

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Visitor from and to UK [6]

Double graphs
Introduction: Write one sentence, but introduce each chart separately e.g "This first bart chart shows..., and the second chart illustrates

Short body:
Write 2 sentences. If the information in the charts is not connected, find one main point or general trend for each chart. If the charts are connected, try to make comparisons

Main body paragprahs: If the two charts are completely different (e.g. a graph and a table), write a separate paragraph about each.
If the charts are the same, and show the same information (e.g. 2 pie charts), do not describe them separately, the examiner will want to see comparisons.

In this case, you could write one paragraph describing all of the information, but it is still more preferable to write two paragraphs because it makes the essay look more organized

Writing Feedback / IELTS: University education - we are not get better job as we expected [2]


Even your prompt is open for discussion, there is no harm you stating your own opinion in the introduction itself.
It is nicer when you conclude the intro with a statement expressing your opinion very clearly. That helps you take the reader in your desired direction.

Since IELTS Task 2 is a time bound task, it is always good to follow one particular structure during practice sessions

Writing Feedback / Would individuals bring about positive effects to society? [5]

Yes, Dumi is right.
It is nicer when you conclude the intro with a statement expressing your opinion very clearly. That helps you take the reader in your desired direction.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1. Parcels delivered by Federal Express and TNT Mail Services [5]

This is too bulky. Therefore, it interrupts the flow of the sentences.

You should focus on the layout which presents the 4 paragraph essay then. This is good for someone who wants to earn a good score, up to a band of 6.

But no worries..., 3, 4, 5 or even 6 paragraphs are fine. As long as you write, you will have the band :D
You have the ball in your court now. Good luck for the exam!

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Different qualification level in Australia [4]


Don't you think this sentence is too long? If you have a long sentence, it will affect the flow of the sentence.


Don't you think this has a problem with a subject-verb agreement? I can't even find the predicate ;D

Your exam is around the corner. Simple grammar should be error-free

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Parcels delivered by two mail services [3]

Your writing is very good now. You should focus on the layout which presents the 4 paragraph essay then. This is good for someone who wants to earn a good score, up to a band of 6.

But no worries..., 3, 4, 5 or even 6 paragraphs are fine. As long as you write, you will have the band :D
You have the ball in your court now. Good luck for the exam!

Writing Feedback / Writing task 1: Gold sales in Dubai [6]


I recommend putting it at the beginning of your essay, just after the introduction (leave one space) Not separating paragraph, you may get penalized !

Writing Feedback / Success is only getting big reward or collecting money or something special [10]

Log on to EF
On the new screen that opens up, under the LOGO "EssayForum",
Find and select your essay file on the "-Select Forum-" screen and click on "WRITING FEEDBACK".
On the screen that says "Subject - MUST be descriptive, original, and meaningful!", write IELTS/TOEFL/GRE, etc., with the keywords (Max. 50 characters)

Finally, copy and paste your Essay into the Message box. You are asked to complete the full prompt with your essay.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 1: Gold sales in Dubai [6]

Look at the picture and learn the vocabularies used. Here is the link belajar-ielts.blogspot.com/2014/05/look-at-picture-and-learn-vocabularies.html
1. Rose/ increased steadily
2. Rose/ increased dramatically
3. Rose/ increased gradually
4. Plunged to ...
5. Peaked at / reached a high of ...
6. Stood at
7. Fluctuated
8. Fell/ dropped dramatically/ sharply
9. Reach a trough of ...
10. Remained constant/ unchanged/ stable at ...
11. Levelled off/ evened out at ...
12. Hit a low of ...


The best way to go about this task is to follow a solid essay structure and improve your time management skills on writing. If you have the essential features with good grammar and vocabulary, then you would be up on the deal.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 1: Gold sales in Dubai [6]

I have read this sample answer written by E. Tahasoni.
For me, his writing is good, but lacks paragraph unity and coherence.
If you come to the real exam, you should use paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately as to earn a good score for Coherence and Cohesion
I recommend putting it at the beginning of your essay, just after the introduction (leave one space) Not separating paragraph, you may get penalized !

1. Rose/ increased steadily
2. Rose/ increased dramatically
3. Rose/ increased gradually
4. Plunged to ...
5. Peaked at / reached a high of ...
6. Stood at
7. Fluctuated
8. Fell/ dropped dramatically/ sharply
9. Reach a trough of ...
10. Remained constant/ unchanged/ stable at ...
11. Levelled off/ evened out at ...
12. Hit a low of ...

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK I : Britons weekly expenditure on fast food (two charts) [8]


It is already clear. What you should do is to re-peruse that of your own volition. Hence, you won't commit perpetually repetitive works, which are perhaps the most frustrating ones.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 : Diarrhea cases in Mashhad [3]


Adds no value for your report. Omit it. This task is aimed at assessing your report writing skills.


There is not necessity for a conclusion. You are reporting a visual presentation.


Developing the classical five paragraph essay or more will send you to earn a very impressive result, but this should be followed by a succinct explanation, coherent sentences, grammar error-free, colloquial usage, etc. Otherwise, you get a lower score. For this time, you have not covered all features above.

Coherence within a paragraph is crucial to IELTS writing.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Graph: Changes in the birth rates of China and USA [6]

As per the basic rule, a paragraph is a collection of related sentences dealing with a single topic.
You have one idea and several bits of supporting evidence within a single paragraph. To study how to organize body paragraphs, visit this link:
ielts buddy/ielts-writing-task-1.html
Coherence within a paragraph is crucial to IELTS writing. Why? Then learn the form of coherence

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: Unpaid work "women and men" [5]

Personally, I think it's a good idea to describe the main features of the graph or chart near the beginning of your essay.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Learn by self better than with a teacher [7]

If you could, state your own opinion in the introduction itself with a statement expressing your opinion very clearly. That helps you take the reader in your desired direction.

Do you write 3 paragraphs? Yes, but tell you the truth, you are playing with fire. You need an extra work to develop more than one argument and in a correctly constructed essay each argument requires a separate paragraph.

The best advice is to have 4 paragraphs for your essay that includes the introduction, the (two arguments between) bodies and the conclusion.

Writing Feedback / Tax Private car owner for improve public transportation which is problematic [3]

Yes, Pahan is right. A writer needs to keep in mind that the intro is often what a reader remembers best. Your intro should be the best part of your essay. If you could, state your own opinion in the introduction itself with a statement expressing your opinion very clearly. That helps you take the reader in your desired direction.


It is nicer if you could construct the concluding paragraph with this pattern below:
1. a 'conclusion' signal: In conclusion, ....etc,
2. a summary of the main points or a restatement of the thesis (in different words!)
3. a final comment, based on the information in the essay
The final comment can be:
3.1. a warning or prediction (often using the first conditional: If ..., ... will ...)
3.2. a suggestion or recommendation (often using should or must)

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : Findland Telephone calls [10]

a few words:

As per the basic rule, a paragraph is a collection of related sentences dealing with a single topic.
You have one idea and several bits of supporting evidence within a single paragraph.

Coherence within a paragraph is crucial to IELTS writing.

Writing Feedback / Australian bureau of meteorology collects up to the minute data on the weather [4]

You don't need to copy and paste a person's writing. Otherwise, your account will get banned.

Have this note:
Read as many texts as you can to improve your writing skills. Reading texts not only gives you some new ideas about different topics, but it also improves your vocab and grammar

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Parents are the best teachers? No - the experience is. [3]

Read as many authentic texts/ sample writings of TOEFL as you can to improve your writing skills. Reading texts not only gives you some new ideas about different topics, but it also improves your vocab and grammar

Writing Feedback / 'prophet Adam' - famous person from history [9]

You need to introduce the issue completely. Also, it is good to conclude your introduction stating your opinion though this prompt leaves you more room saying


It is nicer if you could construct this paragraph with this pattern below:
1. a 'conclusion' signal: In conclusion, ....etc,
2. a summary of the main points or a restatement of the thesis (in different words!)
3. a final comment, based on the information in the essay
The final comment can be:
3.1. a warning or prediction (often using the first conditional: If ..., ... will ...)
3.2. a suggestion or recommendation (often using should or must)

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Freedom in showing creation is the right for every creative artist [7]


It is nicer if you could construct this paragraph with this pattern below:
1. a 'conclusion' signal: In conclusion, ....etc,
2. a summary of the main points or a restatement of the thesis (in different words!)
3. a final comment, based on the information in the essay
The final comment can be:
3.1. a warning or prediction (often using the first conditional: If ..., ... will ...)
3.2. a suggestion or recommendation (often using should or must)

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: Problems encountered by students in abroad [9]

A note to remember:
- You need to introduce the issue completely. Also, it is good to conclude your introduction stating your opinion though this prompt leaves you more room saying

- It is nicer if you could construct this paragraph with this pattern below:
1. a 'conclusion' signal: In conclusion, ....etc,
2. a summary of the main points or a restatement of the thesis (in different words!)
3. a final comment, based on the information in the essay
The final comment can be:
3.1. a warning or prediction (often using the first conditional: If ..., ... will ...)
3.2. a suggestion or recommendation (often using should or must)

Writing Feedback / IELTS. X Disease Cases in Someland (1960-1995) [4]

Your writing is good. Pahan has shown you what to work. A few edits :
A more detailed look at tT he graph shows X disease attacked 100 humansliving creatures between 1960 and 1965, then this number doubled in the followingincidence had risen by about 100% five years. A worse situation happened during a half decade after the end of this particular period, in 1970 , as X boomed bySince the early 1970s, the high incidence of X disease has continued to climb up 300 cases. However, this numberincidence of X disease did not undergo a sweeping change until 1980over the period in question .


This too needs redoing.