Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Time spent by young adults with their family [4]

"family time" is now decreasing

Topic: In modern time, young adults are spending less time with their family and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

Nowadays, young people prefer hanging out with their peers rather than sharing time with their family. This is due to the widening generation gap. However, compelling children to stay at home more is a counterproductive approach to tackle this issue as it does not foster the relationship between parents and children.

The differences between parents and children are increasing to the point that they feel it difficult to enjoy the time together. The world we are living in has been changing so rapidly that the experiences youngsters have today are totally different from that of the previous generation. This leads to the contradiction in viewpoints and lifestyle of people living under the same roof; and they end up being unable to do common activities. For instance, the majority of teenagers now enjoy online entertainments and services which their mothers and fathers are not familiar with. As a result, a young adult cannot play an online game with their parents or tell them about an event on Facebook in the way that they do with their friends.

Although time spent among family members by youngsters is decreasing, forcing them to stay at home more is not an appropriate solution to strengthen family bond. If adolescents have to be home against their will, they will feel upset during the time spent with other family members. An example proving this is an article in the Huffington Post stating that it is the quality, not the quantity of shared time that help build healthy relationships.

In conclusion, due to many differences between the young and their parents, family time of youngsters is now decreasing while time spent with their mates is on the increase. However, parents should not force their children to stay at home more as it will negatively affect their relationship.

Writing Feedback / Satisfaction of a job plays a critical role in deciding one's overall happiness [3]

Factors contributing to job satisfaction

Topic: As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing.
What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience

As an average worker spends nearly one-third of his life at workplace, whether he is satisfied with is job or not plays a critical role in deciding his overall happiness and health condition. In my opinion, elements that contribute to job satisfaction include salary and benefit, work-life balance and opportunity for growth.

Firstly, most people go to work to earn money to support themselves and their family. As a result, high salary with periodic revision for increase, attractive benefit and reward system definitely makes workers happy. Secondly, the ability to fulfill the job requirements and other personal goals at the same time also leads to satisfaction at work. If a job is too stressful or time consuming, it will prevent people from enjoying recreating activities and maintaining their personal relationships. This, in turn, will adversely affect their personal life as well as their health. The third element that helps build the fulfillment of workers is the opportunity for self-development. A position that enables workers to learn new skills and knowledge every day, make achievements in their career and pursue their passion creates the intrinsic happiness and the feeling of control over their own life. It is probably the dream job of many people.

Although the majority of employees want to enjoy their job, it is unrealistic to expect that all workers can get it. In fact, many people have to work in a job that does not suitable to their ability and interest for many reasons. Hard economic condition and lose control over the implementation of labor law also result in poor working condition in many job, making employees feel insecure and resentful.

In conclusion, although job satisfaction for everyone is something hard to be achieved, it will be possible to improve overall job satisfaction if the three above mentioned factors are developed.

I would appreciate all your comments on my essay.

Writing Feedback / IELTS1: the percentage change in house price in five different urban areas in different countries [3]

I would appreciate your comment on my essay below:

Average house price changes in 5 cities

The bar chart illustrates the percentage change in house price in five different urban areas in different countries from 1990 to 2002 in comparison with the average house price in 1989. As can be seen from the chart, house prices in the cities in question decreased or increased very slightly during the first six years while the second period from 1996 to 2002 saw an increase in most cities.

In the first period from 1990 to 1995, three in five cities had negative rates of average house prices change namely Tokyo, London and New York. Tokyo and London both had a 7.5% drop while houses in New York were sold at 5% lower prices than in 1989. Madrid and Frankfurt experienced slight rise of approximately 2%.

In the next 7 years, however, houses in most cities were sold at higher prices compared to 1989. Average house price change in London surged from -7.5% to 12%. Average amount of money spent on a house in New York, Madrid and Frankfurt increased 5%, 4% and 1.5% respectively compared to that in 1989. The reduction of house price in Tokyo also contracted to 5% compared to 7.5% in the previous period.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Both views: fixed punishment for crime or case by case consideration [6]

I appreciate all your comment on my essay below:

Topic: Some people believe that there should be fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that circumstances of an individual crime and the motivation for committing it should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.

Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion

The level of flexibility in the judiciary has been a debatable topic for a long time. Should the same crime always be given the same punishment or should the judges consider how and why that crime is committed before making a decision?

On the one hand, advocates of fixed punishment argue that in order to make sure that everyone is treated equally by the law, people committing the same crime must receive the same sanction. In addition, stating clearly the penalty for each crime also avoids creating grey areas in the law that criminals can lean on to escape from paying their price.

On the other hand, other people think that the circumstance and motivation behind each crime must be taken into consideration when giving a sentence because these factors show the severity of each criminal case as well as the level of dangerous each criminal has to the society.

I personally agree with the second opinion. I think that it is inhuman to automatically sentence a person to a fixed punishment without considering the situation and reason behind his actions. A man committing murder for self-defense or to protect someone must be given a lighter sentence than a murderer for money. Underage criminals have not been mature yet so they must also be given a second chance to realize that they were wrong and grow up to be good people.

In conclusion, I support the opinion that the law should always take into account the motivation and circumstance of each individual crime to ensure that people who made mistake in the past can still lead a useful life in the future and contribute to the society. However, the legal system must be strict and specific enough so that it does not create any holes for criminals to take advantages of in order to avoid punishments.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: Line graph on four materials recycling rate over time [3]

the percentage of recycled materials from 1982 to 2010

The line graph illustrates the percentage of paper and cardboard, glass containers, aluminium cans and plastics recycled during a 28 years period: from 1982 to 2010 in a country. Among four types of material, paper and cardboard were recycled the most. However, since 1994 the recycling rate for this material experienced a downward trend while those of other materials were generally upward.

In the upward trend group, the recycling rate of aluminium cans increased most steeply from only about 5% in 1986 to 45% in 2010. Meanwhile, the proportion of plastic recycled rose at a much slower pace from around 3% in 1990 to approximately 8% in 2010. The rate of glass containers recycled experienced a drop in the first eight years (from 1982 to 1990) from 50% to 40% but the figure then bounced back again in 1994 to its original point. The upward trend continued until the recycling rate reached 60% in 2010.

The percentage of paper and cardboard recycled went up erratically from 65% in 1982 to 80% in 1994 but then it felt moderately to 70% in 2010.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Should all art subjects be abandoned or not? [5]

diversity of subjects taught at universities should be maintained

Rising university fees and limited employment prospects for graduates have led some people to say that universities should not teach art subjects like philosophy and history, and should only offer practical degree courses that maximise chances of employment.

To what extent do you agree or disagree.

In a world where employment rate of university fresh graduates is decreasing while tuition fees is increasing rapidly, some people advocate the idea of abandoning all art subjects and focus the society's resources to practical degree with high employment rate. In my opinion, however, this is not beneficial to both students and the whole society as a whole.

Firstly, limiting major choices is disadvantageous to the development of young people. It is the students entering university who has the right to decide what to study for their future career. If a youngster chooses a major that has low employment rate, he, as an adult who bear full responsibility for his decision, understands the risk and will try harder while studying in order to get a job in the future. In addition, everyone is different in term of potential ability and interest so limiting the choice of subjects to the fields that guarantees a future job does not ensure that all students can learn these subjects well and have a successful career and a meaningful life.

Secondly, stop teaching all art subjects also harms the society as a whole. A single work once required knowledge in only one field now needs all kind of talents to be done. For example, a man working in marketing may have to know about psychology to understand customer or have knowledge about art to choose the best design for an advertisement. As a result, teaching subjects with low current employment rate is not a waste but a preparation for the future. Moreover, the whole society will loss potential talent resources if all art subjects are abandoned. In that case, we would never have art works whose value exist through the time or theories that can change the whole world.

In conclusion, the diversity of subjects taught at universities should be maintained regardless of the employment rate as this ensures that every young people can develop their potential ability fully and the society has all kind of talents it needs to develop sustainably.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: Diagram on electricity generation from tides [5]

Please look at my essay below. I really appreciate your help.

electricity generation process

The diagram illustrates the process of electricity generation from the inflow and outflow of the tides.

The system is usually constructed across an inland bay or estuary where a large body of water can be contained. It comprises a main barrage structure and a roadway built on top of it, a sluice gates and an electricity generator. The main construction blocks tidal inflow and outflow. The sluice gate, which is located behind the main barrage structure, is used to control the flow. Under the barrage construction, a tunnel houses the electricity generator used to turn the energy of tidal flow into electricity.

The system is started by opening the sluice gate. When tides rise, water from the see goes under the main barrage structure, through the generator to the inland bay or estuary. During this process, the water spins the turbines in the generator and generates electricity. Similarly, at low tide, water also goes from the bay through the generator and again, power is generated.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: In the chart - British Men and Women in further education [4]

Please help me to edit my essay below. I really appreciate your help.

changes in number of British students in further education

Title: You should spend about 20 minutes on this task
The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they are studying full time or part time. Sumarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.

The chart shows the changes in number of British male and female students in further education, both part-time and full-time during three periods
In part-time study, the number of men decreased slightly from 1 million in 1980/81 to over 800 thousands in 2000/01. On the contrary, the number of women engaging increased steadily from around 650 thousands to 1.1 million.

Meanwhile, the trend of students enrolling in full-time education in both genders was obviously upward. In 1980, there were only below 100 thousands men studied full-time. This number rose gradually to below 200 thousands in 2000/01. Similarly, only about 50 thousands women participated in full-time courses in 1980 but this number increased dramatically to below 200 in 1990 and by 2000, the number of male and female student became equal.

In conclusion, the data clearly shows that women gained more and more equality to men in term of further education during the periods in question.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 practice: The relation between poverty and crime [3]

Hi everyone, I am Lynn and I am new here. I would appreciate if you can leave your comments to my below essay. Many thanks

Write a paragraph base on the following questions:
1. What is poverty like in today's world?
2. What do many people think poverty cause?
3. What do you believe?
4. What is the first reason for their misconception?
5. And the result?
6. What other reason can I add?
7. What is my conclusion?

offenses against the law connected with poverty

According to data from World Bank, the world is becoming richer with people living in extreme poverty is decreasing rapidly from 44% in 1981 to under 10% in 2015. However, there is still a stigma attached to poverty today i.e. poverty is the main cause of crime. In my opinion, this is a misconception.

First of all, it may be logical to assume that extremely poor people can't manage to earn enough money for food and necessity legally so they are willing to break the law to make both ends meet but with more and more poor people escaping the living condition with less than $1.90 per day, this assumption has become a bias. Secondly, wealthy people tend to be well-educated and understand the legal system better than low-income people. As a result, in case they commit a crime, they are better at concealing it. Finally, if a rich man get caught doing something illegal, he can afford to hire top lawyers to defense him in court while a poor man in the same situation cannot do the same thing.

For the above reasons, poverty can not be considered the main cause of crime. We have to avoid judging anyone base on his income to ensure that everyone is treated fairly in the justice system.