Writing Feedback / Nowadays, its is quite common for young people to have a break year before going university. IELTS2 [4]

2nd paragraph

- Firstly ,having a gap year is an
- who wantare seeking
- theirfor aspiration
- to foundfind ( as your sentence is in a futuristic timeframe, use the present tense) their interest
- whichthat gives young adult
- getting clear ideas in their laterlife.
- decide that having a
- job to accommodationaccommodate working - they would makeneed to exert more effort
- to enhace theirselfget themselves ready for the world .

3rd paragraph

- may never returning to their studies.
- if the y do not have a futher their education.
- the societiessociety is becoming
- However,sometimes the academic
- performance is not athe only factor
- to judge someone's talent or abailiues.( what do you mean by "abailiues" ?)

Hi Hsieh, as you can see I made a few corrections in your essay, what I notice is that the form of the words you use does not fit in the sentences for the essay.

I hope this helped enhance your essay.

Scholarship / 'member of Sudanese-Korean Friendship association' Writing KGSP graduate Letter of Self-introduction [5]

HI Tassa, I feel good reading your feedback and believe it or not, there's no other thing that makes me happy than reading you feedback, saying that we were able to help and guide you in this journey as well be able to paint a new chapter in your life. I just want to share that, I never thought I would be able to be a contributor here in EF, however, I dreamed and I believed that one day, I will be able to help and help is what my heart desires. Then, a few years past and look at me now, I'm able to write and critic your work. What I'm saying is, dream, believe and put your heart in your work, nobody will do what you want to become in life but you, as what my Chinese friends say, if you want to be rich, work for the money, money will never work for you, if you want to help, help with your heart and with the utmost passion towards helping others and do not expect anything in return.

Tassa, as we grow older, technology is going to be more advanced, therefore, our dreams and aspirations should be too. Dream for greater good and for the welfare of not only yourself but of others too.

Going back to your essay, when doing the revision, mind the suggestion that was given to you, this will help you enhance your essay and guide you in creating a better letter.

Writing Feedback / Better to be a home student using a computer or study in the traditional way - attending schools? [2]

Hi Nguyen, I can see that you have been given quiet a strong remark here from Dara Chan, I just want to add that there is a lot of work to be done in your essay, I believe that this is due to the fact that English is not your mother language, well in fact, this is also true to native English speakers but may be not to some degree. One thing that can help you write better is practice, review the grammar rules, the verb usage and how to structure your paragraphs in a way that they run smoothly through out the essay.

Now, when I mean better writing, of course this means a lot of work, practice, drafts and what not, but this will help you come up with a good article. I'm not saying that this essay is poorly written, it's just that it did not transpire very well with the idea that the essay is asking you to write.

Please find the remarks below so you can follow through when doing your revision;

- can choose studyingto study at home
- is a wise option
- than attending traditional schools, ( don't forget your punctuation marks ) arouses
- enormous the issue vary greatlyawareness amongst students .
- on both sides of such a view( "arguments" refer to two opposing parties views, so you don't have to state the obvious ) need to be examined carefully.

I hope this helped Nguyen.

Graduate / SOP for MSc Mechanical Engineering - Swiss University - academic background and career strategy [4]

Hi Tommaso, I have read a few paragraphs of your essay and stopped, the reason being, its too long and a lot of unnecessary information is included in the essay.

I say this not to mean that your essay is not good but, I just want you to realize that some of this information about you may be needed in other succeeding essays in the future or following this SoP.

Now, speaking SoP, a general one should be about 1500 words and a little over but not this long, don't get me wrong the essay is elaborately written, which is good, however, I suggest that you revise the essay in a way that you get into the core and focus on the purpose of your essay. Having said that, a statement of purpose is meant to answer, Why do you choose to pursue Mechanical Engineering?, the essay should linger in this prompt and stay focused in this prompt.

I hope my insights helped and should you need further assistance, do let us know, we are here for you.

Writing Feedback / "Aloha!" your on this island ! ( I want help about the Descriptive essay about Hawaii. ) [3]

Hi, as I see that the first 3 paragraphs are corrected, I would like to help out on the 4th paragraph.

4th paragraph.

- YouAs you walk in
- H awaii ( don't forget to write the first letter of the country name in capital letter ) you will
- experience many sensations will be immortalize
- especially the taste of the foods .
- F or example
- you can see dance ofthe Hawaiian dance, The Art of Hula When words fail,
- you will really enjoy watching it.
- likeand you can create
- Likesuch as a watercolor painting,
- Aboard an ocean vessel,
- feel the calm ocean
- breezes against your back, a nd also

There you have it, as you can see, there are still a lot of work to be done in your essay, a lot of practice and what will help is a little reading and review on the English language rules, I see that the missing link are linking verbs, this makes the sentence complete and this is where the work has to be done.

Scholarship / 'member of Sudanese-Korean Friendship association' Writing KGSP graduate Letter of Self-introduction [5]

Hi Tassa, I have read your essay, particularly the introduction that you said you need help with and I came up with a conclusion that it is not badly written at all.

It is actually not the usual introduction, it has a different approach, in a very positive way, I would not want it to be changed or augmented. Moreover, it has a certain character that tells the reader, yes, you may be an amateur writer but this is the essence of writing an essay, to seek help in order to be good at it and in this case, to seek further knowledge by taking a leap towards the KGSP program.

Instead of focusing on the introduction, I suggest that you look at your essay in a more concrete way, this will give justification to your work and provide you the overall outcome of what you created.

Tassa, I do wish you get in the program and fulfill your dreams, the program is also a great addition to your academic journey and to yourself as a person, before submission, read your essay out loud and be very critical in reviewing you own work.

Scholarship / Immigration from Nepal to the United States ~ Questbridge scholarship bio essay [4]

HI Kaustuvi, I must say the essay is well written, what I loved about it is, I'm like reading your biography in a summarized way. You didn't loose your reader in a boring life story, the details you stated, the elaboration and the sequence of the story is apt to the manner that the reader can follow through. For some reason though, I still find a few information that are somehow not necessary such as the lost of jobs and financial issues, but nevertheless, this are information that is vital in your essay and more importantly in answering the prompt.

For future reference, however, I suggest that when you write, do a quick draft, prioritize information that is necessary to the essay, this way you will be able to see which details should be included in the essay and which ones are not.

Overall, it's a well written essay and I hope to see more of your articles here on EF.

Scholarship / "To have a dream is not to follow it, but to chase it." My scholarship essay for a better world. :) [3]

Hi Sharifah, I tried to read your essay but it is just quiet long for it's purpose.
The word count serves as a reminder on how long and how many words you can input in the essay but it does not necessarily mean it should be this long.

One thing that the administrative officers and the critics will find is the uniqueness of your answer to the prompt as well as the flow of the idea that is already given at the beginning of the prompt.

What I'm simply saying is that, simplicity in answering the prompt is still the best way to go, although you may think that the details matter and yes they do, however, you have to keep your idea intact and know when to and not to expand the idea you have in mind, you also have to be aware if the facts and information to include in your essay in order to keep your essay at a well mannered pace.

Overall, it is a good essay, the idea and the answers are there, however, you have to shorten it to a degree that it will keep the focus and interest of your readers and critics.

Scholarship / A hidden gem in the multitude of people. Work hard and it will pay off. Scholarship essay. [4]

HI Juan, I must say, I enjoyed reading your essay and it is full of life, this is a very powerful attitude when it comes to writing essays and writing in general.

The act of of writing in full details is what gives life to the essay or to anything you do. Moreover, you elaborated the scenario well enough that your reader seemed to be in the event and truly feels what had happened.

However, I would suggest that you write the essay really strong from the beginning, the introduction in this essay is not as strong as the succeeding paragraphs, you were able to manage and keep it strong because the introduction is short and jumped into the next paragraph, this is a quick catch and you manage to write it very well.

Overall, it's a well written essay and I hope my insights helped.
For future writing reference, keep an essay with structure that transpires through out the essay, this will make sure that the essay will flow smoothly.

Undergraduate / COMMON APP TRANSFER SYRACUSE: I Dream of becoming a Unifying Communicator [3]

- Specifically, I specifically desire
- becauseas I believe
- towards our unification.

- without bias. Andand I believe
- develop into my dream selfultimate dream ,
- I know my mind will be stretched through itsit will be a challenging

Hi Sol, as you can see, I made quiet a few remarks and corrections on your essay.
Honestly, I must say, your essay is bold, you made your point clear and you made sure that it is understood by your readers. This is an absolute must in writing an essay, letting your readers know what exactly it is that you are trying to tell, a story that will awaken the sleepy reader and make your idea known to them.

I hope you do the revision were the remarks are incorporated and will help you further enhance your essay.

Writing Feedback / News: the truth should be objective rather than subjective [6]

Hi Avin, upon reading and understanding your essay, I find it well organized and you have a very argumentative idea that sparks as a very interesting addition to the essay. It also has a structure that is focused on the purpose of the essay, most of the essays tend to go far from the main goal of the article and this will make the essay longer and out of perspective and this bores the readers and more importantly the critics, but you manage to focus the essay in its specific purpose.

However, the essay needs a little work on the part were you repeat words and mainly the subject, if you have already specified the subject, in this case the role of newspaper and the media, you can already replace it with "The" or "It", this will not only make the essay interesting but also leave a good transition from the previous paragraph.

I suggest that you revise the essay with caution and keep it straight to the point, as it is already but with well refined words that is used in the sentences and this will eventually create a well written essay.

Writing Feedback / There are some certain things in this world which we simply should not try to understand [2]

Hi Gilig, I would like to add some finishing touches on your essay.

1st paragraph
- In this era, ( don't forget your punctuation marks ) scientific - humans createsd have
- been helping so many peopleslifelives .

2nd paragraph
- Some people have succeed foron creating
- These inventions isare helping
- people to do their works and help
- human has started too much far in finding out everything aboutwe, humans had carried out science a little bit too far .

3rd paragraph
- In conclusion, science actually is actually a good thing - a human being ,
- Science also must be used
- for a goodness sake and for helping each others.
- In the end, i thinkI believe people just should find - thethat science withhas a bad

There you have it Gilig, what I found out in your essay is a few words that are missing to complete the essay, minor additions that are neglected can make or break your essay, so you have to be very careful.

Writing Feedback / Scientific research and experiments are nessesary to deeply understand the inventions [3]

Hi Amirul, as I comprehend your essay, I must say that you started strong, however, the last paragraph needs a little help, kindly find the corrections below;

Last paragraph

- TheIn conclusion is, -, I - am personally
- how to findformulate a new invention,
- and try to findcreate our owna discovery,
- wethis will have widen
- our knowledge,
- we will not only know how to use
- it, but also we can makeand incorporate our research too.
- As thea smart citizen
- we should try to understand about scientific
- research that can makehelp us deeply
- understand more about the invention.that has been through scientific research process, so I think it will not go far as the statement mention.

There you have it Amirul, as mentioned, the last paragraph needed a bit of work, I hope this helps improve the essay and be ready for submission.

Writing Feedback / To understand all the matter connected with the scientific research and to avoid some damage [3]

HI Siti, I would like to share my thoughts on your essay with the focus on the last 2 paragraphs of the essay.

- It is okayacceptable if we do
- Because( try to avoid using "because" in the beginning of your sentence ) T here are some
- people who are specialized( mind the form of your verb)
- in some fields and learn more
- We justneed to follow
- the progress to the new invention.

- Obviously,scientific research in this era to
- goes too far becauseas we've seen throughout the years,
- scientists.Andand it makes
- some effectshas affectedfor our lives,
- I disagree with the statement above
- because the knowledge that we have learnt is useful.
- We just need to think what
- the proper scientificscience is and
- how to not to damage the world.

There you have it Siti, as you can see there are still a lot of work to be done, one thing that I notice is the structure of the sentences, the make up of the words in the sentence is not appropriate for the idea that you are trying to bring to your readers, I hope the remarks helped!

Writing Feedback / Simply raise the price of petrol can not fulfil the long-term goal to reduce traffic and pollution [8]

Hi Chelsea, first of all, your positive mantra towards the remarks on your essay will get you somewhere someday, not only towards your writing, academics and essays but more importantly, in life, so keep this up.

Now, going back to your dilemma in writing for the IELTS, I must say, one thing that will help is if you embody the rules of the English language, knowing this will help you come up with good articles, something that will make sure you have the right subject - verb agreement, the tenses, the forms of the verbs and more so, the structure of the sentences in the essay.

It will also help if you be yourself and be confident in writing your essay. Believe me, your feelings when you're writing, affects the outcome of your essay. Most of the time, if you're sad, the article will definitely feel the same towards its readers.

In your case, being worried as it is IELTS, this transpires in your essay, this is somehow affecting your essays. So be confident, read your essay out loud and do a little research before writing anything.

I hope you will also try to read other IELTS essays as this will provide you greater guidance in coming up with a better essay.

Writing Feedback / Should children, when they'll grow up, do same kind of jobs like their parents? - I have some doubts [6]

Hi Yang, I would like to share my insights in your essay.

2nd paragraph

- AdditionallyIn addition ,
- I believe that all men are created differently,
- withtowards their parents.
- surprisesurprising that the
- scientists' children of scientists have no passion - abouton experiment and calculation.

- take a shortcutswith their parents'on their experience
- a prompt ( what do you mean by a "prompt" )

- All inOver all,

Yang, I believe your essay is written good, good because there are still a few more modification to be done, I believe the points you made are argumentative and highly realistic when it comes to making a decision towards raising kids.

I hope this helped!

Graduate / Review paper on BIM building information modeling in bridge design [3]

Hi Mohammad, I would like to share some insights in your essay and hopefully enhance it for the better.

- OnAt the time, project owners
- it is the necessarilynecessity and
- importantimportancepart of the

- BIM has got different definitions and its
- The s tandard definition
- participants whichthat they can

Well, there you have it Mohammad, I believe that you can't have everything and this is very true in your writing, I must say, your elaborate description on the BIM building is way more than what I expected to read, you are knowledgeable and you make it seem so easy to be involved in such field, however, your English is normal, which is very good, as this is needed in explaining complex things, process and demonstration.

I hope my insights helped and I wish to see more of your writing, best of luck to you!

Scholarship / I chose to study Bachelors in Architectural Design due to reasons I have acquired in my life. [4]

Hi Meyani, thank you for appreciating our work here in EF, I hope you will have a revision soon and while you're at it, I have a few more suggestions that might help in creating a much better essay.

- mind the spelling of course, the construction of your sentences, make sure that the sentences you incorporate in your essay means what you have in mind

- keep the essay focused on the purpose of the essay, make sure that it is through and through, the moment you loose the focus it might go crumbling and you will not be able to manage to put it back together.

Lastly, put your heart in all you do, this may seem to be just writing but it is you who writes it and thats what the readers see as well.

Best of luck to you Meyani, I hope to see your revision very soon.

Letters / Undergraduate motivation letter to state my interest to apply for Bachelor in industrial engineering [8]

Hi Agung, you're most welcome, I hope to see the revision soon and while you're doing so, I suggest the following;

- do a little research on similar topic and essay, this helps build a healthy comparison, therefore giving you a heads up on what other applicants are doing and how you can outshine them.

- have a more realistic approach in your essay, in your case, the motivation you have in pursuing this program should be realistic and something that can mean more to you than to anyone else, because at the end of the day, what you are going to do as soon as you join the program is real, so being realistic is one of the factors that will let your essay stand out.

- learn to criticize your writing, as I mentioned, a healthy comparison will not hurt and a good practice is when you try to do it yourself, read your essay as if you are the third person reading it.

More importantly, be honest, write with your heart and make it real, give life to your dreams and be the person that you are.

Best of luck to you Agung!

Writing Feedback / Simply raise the price of petrol can not fulfil the long-term goal to reduce traffic and pollution [8]

HI Chelsea, thank you for appreciating our work here in EF, we definitely feel grateful for students like you and its true, the IELTS is rigorous, painful and will really test your capacity in exercising the English language. However, when you become better at it, IELTS will definitely be a thing in the past.

Moreover, IELTS will show you the right way to practice English, its rules as well as the strategies on how to be a good, if not, the best writer you can be.

One thing that I do, that I think is very effective, is to read aloud, I normally read aloud in my room when I was young, and this helped me in ways I did not imagine. I learned to write, I learned words that I never knew existed and more importantly, I learned how to express myself in a language that is so strange to me. Believe it or not, I use to write 100 word essay for hours, then I said, I'm wasting my precious time, so I practiced, little did I know, I was getting better as days go by. Now, I want to pass this on to everyone.

I hope I can see more of your writing and this suggestions and insights help you be better at this challenge and be able to use the English language to the best it can provide you.

Writing Feedback / Simply raise the price of petrol can not fulfil the long-term goal to reduce traffic and pollution [8]

Hi Chelsea, indeed when something is not smooth in your essay, you don't feel at ease and definitely you want to hear what other people has to say about it. However, I admire the fact that you know exactly what is wrong and you are open to criticisms, believe me, most people don't.

Now, you made a point in your essay, it is argumentative enough that your reader will be able to think of other solutions to the issue at hand. You have also used simple words to elaborate your idea and this is a very good, keeping your essay in a simple, readable and short but concise essay is very effective way in writing an essay that is focused to address a certain problem.

For future reference though, make sure that the essay is written in a sequence that creates a good flow, smooth one as you said, in doing this you have to make sure that you follow the following;

- introduction
- body
- conclusion

As you can see, this is simple to follow, however, as simple as it may seem, most writes, even myself sometimes, gets lost in the pattern and see myself writing too much or too less that I can't figure out how to continue with it, I suggest you revise the essay following the suggested pattern.

I hope this helped!

Graduate / Recently graduated and want to continue my study - SoP Barcelona GSE [3]

Hi Akmal, as I read and reviewed your essay, I must say it was fairly written, I say fairly as it consist of too many information that is somehow not necessary for the purpose of the essay. A quick review, the purpose of the essay is to know what is your motive in joining a renowned institution in Barcelona, this means that the answer should be focused on your academic goals, your take away after the completion of your program and more importantly, what does it bring to your plate and how you can apply it in life.

Moreover, I understand that you would like to highlight your achievements, goals and aspirations, yes this will help, however, you might want to do a revised essay, leaning towards your futuristic goal towards joining the institution, meaning what will you become when you get admitted to the institution, this is your selling point and this will give you an edge from the other applications.

Overall, I won't deny that your essay is written in a well mannered form, however, I believe you can do better than this.

I hope this helps!

Writing Feedback / 'three kinds of treatments applied' - The process of recycling the rain water. [2]

Hi Nela, I would like to help out.

In the introduction once again, you must note that 'the process is illustrated in the diagram' and not 'by the diagram'.

Overall, what the essay is missing is your ability to create sentences with good composition of words, sometimes what matters is a good set of words that explains the idea that you have in your mind. The thing is you may have a good idea but the words are not right, this will affect the overall composition of your essay and in this case, your analysis.

I believe it will help if you practice, write more and read English books, articles or anything that you can get your hands into. The more you practice, the better writer you will become.

I hope my insights help.

Writing Feedback / The figure of four different features were mostly interested in 2003 and 2013 [4]

Hi Nela, as I read and understand your analysis, I believe you can enhance your introduction by formatting it the other way around, I suggest the following;

- The pie chart features four different categories that matter in a mans life, travel, film / music, books and clothes , over the course 2003 tp 2013.

After the sentence above you can continue with your original sentence and keep the focus on the accuracy of your facts and figures base on the chart.

Overall, your analysis is good, you also manage to keep all the necessary information suggested in the chart. For future writing reference, keep your essay true to its purpose, from the beginning until the end of the essay, it also doesn't hurt if you inject some humor and creativity in your analysis. I understand that this is an analysis that is meant to be formal and it is, however, being playful with words can help enhance your analysis too. I hope this helps!

Essays / Acceptable length of Introduction and Conclusion in an essay [3]

Hi Maurice, first of all, you have opened a very good conversation. Now, personally, I write a 200-250 word long essay, it hugely depends on the purpose as well as to the prompt you are answering.

The introduction as well as the conclusion is what makes or breaks the essay. As what you know, introduction is were you educate the reader to the purpose of the essay, this is crucial as this is were you can draw the interest of your readers, now, the conclusion is as much as important as the introduction so as the body of the essay , however, the conclusion is were you sum it all up, make a point and bring your essay back to its purpose, making sure that the prompt is answered and the goal of the essay is met.

Having said that, I can't wait to read your essays.

Writing Feedback / Task 1- Process of reuse rainwater - recycling method [2]

Hi Desty, I would like to share my insights on your analysis by enhancing the sentences if needed.

- toin the house and
- it is generally categorized
- by three kinds of water storages ;
- that the differences process of water
- is different when it comes to utilizeutilization .

- First, rainwater directly goes to a dam
- called as dam water
- located nearlythe house.
- This rainwater is storagestored in the
- to have household wastewater.

- gather with stormwater treatment which
- are not used byin the house.

There you ave it Desty, what I notice in your essay, is that you tend to confuse yourself with the use of your subject, the "house" does not use the water its "in the house" and the people living in it, that use water.

I hope this helps!

Scholarship / I chose to study Bachelors in Architectural Design due to reasons I have acquired in my life. [4]

Hi Meyani, as I read your essay, I must say, you spent too much time, well in this case, space, in your essay about your family background. It may seem necessary to have this information in the essay, however, you need to understand that the more you prolong the essay, it will be less interesting to the reader or the admission examiner.

Moreover, I understand that the information you have in your essay should not just be about your academic achievements but also about your family background, however, the focus of your essay seemed to be leaning more on the negative financial challenge that you have, this may be part of the essay but not essential.

In doing your revision, because you need to, make sure that you keep the focus on your academic aspiration, the family situation should serve as a background and as a background only. The majority of the essay should be on the academic goals.

I hope this insights help!!!

Writing Feedback / Recommendation letter from my professor to the University of Edinburgh on continuing master degree [2]

Hi Muflih, first of all, I'm not sure if I get this right, you are writing on behalf of your professor? Well, if this is so, I think this is just wrong, not to mention how it is played hard on the essay.

Now, if I'm wrong, I must say that the essay is not written very well, somehow it is obvious that it is somewhat trying hard to fit in as a recommendation letter. For one thing, I believe a recommendation letter should have a relaxed feel, it should exude confidence and a letter that tells about you as a person, a student and more importantly what your hopes and dreams are in pursuing the University.

Muflih, I do hope that you will be able to clarify this or better yet, seek the recommendation straight from the professor or revise the essay to a standard fit for a recommendation letter.

I hope this helps.

Scholarship / The one advantage that stands the test of time...is people. KGSP Study plan; Business Administration [7]

Hi Ahlem, as I read the revision of your essay, I find it more straight forward than the original version. With regards to your study plan, it's somehow not in sequence, however, it suffice the information needed in in the essay and its purpose.

Moreover, I believe you have expounded the idea, your plans and more importantly your academic goals. You have a very futuristic approach, this is the positive and realistic sense of what you are aiming for, its like putting your heart and soul to what you long to achieve.

For future writing reference, however, make sure that you go straight to the point, keep it simple, make sure that you capture the right audience, if you need to be creative the be creative and should you need to be formal, be glad to do so.

I hope my insights helped.

Writing Feedback / My discovery of my love, Astronomy - for Stanford summer on intellectual vitality. critique required [3]

Hi Ritvik, first of all, I must say that this is one intelligent prompt that deserves an intelligent essay. As I read your essay, I'm quiet puzzled, puzzled in a good way, your essay is a pack of everything, your life beliefs, the ups and downs, your academic background and aspirations and your ultimate goal.

If there's anything I have to say when you create your final work, try to keep the bold words, strong words that shows the real you and the stand you have for your future academic aspirations. Words such as 'like' should not be in essays like this, try words like, 'love' or 'share a passion with', this words are strong and depicts your stand on giving justice to this academic pursuit.

I hoe my insights help.

Writing Feedback / Task 1- The Develoment in Eastminster from 1999 to 2009 [2]

Hi Lita, after reading and understanding your analysis, I must say uou did quiet a good job, the analysis is clean, accurate and the words you use to depict the illustration is by far the most comprehensive descrition I have read.

I just have a few words that you might want to consider, use "over the course of a 10 year period", instead of "during a 10 year period", I suggest this because it is more appropriate to the sentence and the overall picture of the essay.

Furthermore, as I mentioned, the overall essay os written well, however, you have to be very careful when it comes to the accuracy of the information of your analysis. I hope my insights help in your revision as well as with your future writing references.

Letters / Cover Letter for Erasmus exchange programme - hope to receive good advice and letter correction [3]

Hi Oleksandr, it definitely makes us proud od what we do when we receive feedbacks from the students and writers alike. Now, as much as I want you to revise the essay soon, the Erasmus Mundus program is commencing, however, you have to think about the revision verg well. The program you are about to take part of is quiet a challenging yet rewarding one.

Furthermore, make sure that the revisions focus is on the highlight of your academic achievements, your academic aspirations as well as your contribution to the society following the completion of the program.

I hope to see the revised essay soon but no rush, no pressure just enjoy writing it and bear in mind that you are gunning for one of the most prestigious programs there is in the academic world. Best of luck!!!

Writing Feedback / The alteration of town centre over three hundreds of year - writing ielts task 1 [2]

Hi Hani, I would like to share my insights with a focus on the last paragraph of the analysis.

Last paragraph

- There have alsowas a change
- in the road alongleading to the town centre.
- sectorareas in the east area.
- The highways have also been re constructed and
- enlargedwidened ( enlarge - is for pictures or small pieces of items ) .
- the land for, the river and
- the bridge has been

There you have it Hani, I hope this helped you in modifying the essay, this is just a suggestion and you can always have it your way, I just hope you consider it when you do the revision. For future writing reference, keep the essay as well as the analysis accurate at all times and the facts and figures should be your guide in giving that accurate analysis.

Writing Feedback / [Task 1] - Map - The developments of Stokeford, a Riverside Town, in Almost a Decade [3]

Hi Adrian, I wish to help out modify your essay, please find corrections below.

- areis displayed in the map.
- The most highlighted difference highlighted is a

- leading fromto ( leading - is a forwarding word therefor it should be "leading to" ) the south
- towards a bridge in the north.
- Opposite side of thisgraph showed

-The northern side would shared the same fate,

There you have it Adrian, I must say that the analysis is done accurately, however, I feel like the missing part is the conclusion and it should be in the essay, this way you will be able to put an overall analysis of the essay and the conclusion is done.

I hope this helps and for future writing reference, keep the essay contents in a smooth flow, the ideas should also be uniformed, the introduction, the body and the ultimate conclusion and in this case the ultimate analysis.

Undergraduate / ROCHESTER TRANSFER SUPPLEMENT: THE SKY WAS NEVER BLUE [2]

Hi Sol, there's no question that you have a good approach in the essay and in answering the prompt, well the prompt is unique on its own and of course the essay should be unique as well. However, I believe the essay should still be geared towards the intention of the essay and that is, to be a part of the institution known for its own rights.

What I'm saying is that, I love the way your essay is written, it is creative and as I said it has a different approach than all the other essays I have read. This is a good one, however, I believe that the main mission for this essay is to make sure that you elaborate your willingness, interest and your great passion in becoming a part of the Rochester family.

Now, I would not want you to revise the entire essay but I suggest that you put great emphasis in the part where you talk about the collaboration of nature and academics.

I hope I was able to help.

Undergraduate / NYU Gallatin International Transfer Essays [5]

Hi Dubois, for the second prompt, what I noticed is that the essay is quiet compact, meaning, when essays are this long, it would help if you cut them into 2 or 3 paragraphs, to tell you honestly, it's like suffocating the reader with information as you read along, this will also loose the readers interest in the essay.

Moreover, I observed that the essay is all about you, which is fine and it should be the focus of the essay, however, you should also be able to stress more on choosing the Gallatin which you did, so what you do is highlight on how you will be an invaluable asset as a student and future alumni of the institution.

I hope this helped Dubois, this second essay though does not need much revision, just a few polishing and a couple of intense ideas that will boost your intention in submitting this essay.

Undergraduate / NYU Gallatin International Transfer Essays [5]

Hi Dubois, my apologies for the last sentence, however, to address your concern, here's my suggestion below.

- will help me become
- not only a more complete and well-prepareda well groomed artist,
- but also someone that canand make a difference.

There you have it Dubois, I hope this has helped the last sentence that we were having issues with. For future reference, try to avoid catch phrases, instead, be simple, straight forward and leave the idea the way they should be. Remember, this is a formal essay and you have one shot at this and it should be the best one you give to the admission.

I wish to see a lot more of your writings.

Letters / Undergraduate motivation letter to state my interest to apply for Bachelor in industrial engineering [8]

Well Agung, I say yes, you revise your essay and here's a little modification.

1st paragraph
- With this letter I hereby wish to state myhope to highlight my interest
- and ebullient to applyin applying for
- Bachelors program
- in I ndustrial E ngineering.
- since I wasas a kid,
- dreaming to make Indonesia, or even the world to thean even better place to be.

Agung, as you can see, there's a lot more to be done in your essay which somehow is minor but they affect the essay so much that it may mean a different idea as suppose to what you want to say. Also, it doesn't hurt if you break the norms on writing, I understand that you wish to create an essay that is formal and apt to what is asked but it should not sound like a letter to the Queen of England. This is a motivation essay, meaning, what matters is the answer to the question, What motivates you in applying for the Bachelors program in Industrial Engineering.

There you have it, I hope it helps and I wish to review your essay very soon.

Graduate / One part of a case study on marketing strategies [4]

Hi Serena, indeed, it is hard to write let alone speak a language that is not your mother tongue and yes, if there's a problem, there's a solution. Now, practice is yes, one of the solutions that is very effective in bringing this issue to a higher level and eventually to be an expert.

One of the things that will also help is reading and writing anytime and anywhere you can. You see, reading is a practice that will open up a great deal of exposure, not only to new and meaningful words but also to the usage of this words in a sentence that will complete the idea of the story or the essay. Writing, as far as I believe is the act of putting your heart, mind and soul into a piece of tangible object. A process of letting your inner you speak to the readers, pretty much what I'm saying is, writing is how you express yourself and writing as often as you can is one way of becoming good in the English language, of course you have to write in English.

Well, there you have it Serena, I really hope you'd be able to write more and post it here in EF so we will be able to help you out.

Writing Feedback / Task 1- How to Recycle Your Old Newspaper to a Valuable New Paper [2]

Hi Lita, as this may serm to be an easy diagram, the trick is to be able to explain it in a way that is understood by a general reader. Moreover, the key to a successful diagram or process is tp be able to communicate it to the reader.

Now, your process of elaborating the diagram is in a very efficient manner, a manner where the reader is able to follow the process step by step without missing a turn. As I mentioned, this is a diagram that is rather a simple one but if not explained properly will be a very complicated one.

I mist say good work and keep it up!
For future reference, make sure that you keep the same clean and simple approach to your essay, the words you use should be conversational, easy to comprehend and more importantly, apt to the English language standards.