Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK: an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. [3]


.... Yes, I too believe this has a major hand in these recent violence happenings. However, you need to put this idea a bit differently;
Another reason for this trend is that the increase number of disturbed families. Many couples end up their marriages in a short time leaving their children become victims of psychological and emotional traumas. .... Try to highlight the relevance of your reason to what your prompt speaks of.

Writing Feedback / In order to have a better future, every high school student should take at least one economic course [3]


First, since a basic economics course would be intended for providing students with a general understanding of economics, the students would not have to spend much time and effort on following such a course.


.... you are repeating the same idea over and over again. I feel you need to pay lots of attention to your essay structure. Dumi has provided others with a very logical structure for TOEFL and IELTS. Hope you can find it here on EF.

Writing Feedback / Teachers' performance evaluation; 'People seldom agree with eachother' [4]


... The latter adds confusion to this sentence.


.... Ok... this is your reason and you should have started with this point. The previous sentences tend to go out of topic.


...
Moreover, when students assess their teachers' performance, the teachers would naturally try to enhance their teaching skills and approaches to be more appealing to their students.

Writing Feedback / IELTS;Research suggests characteristics we are born with are stronger than experience [3]


... this is a pretty simple idea, but you have presented it to sound very complicated. Be more reader friendly ;)
First, some professors claim that one's personality is being contributed by three factors; DNA, Family influence and social interactions..... is this true?


Most of the time


Secondly, the initial development of a child depends heavily on their family upbringing.

Writing Feedback / 'Humans are bound to do mistakes' - I prefer machine made items [5]

Another reason is that machine made clothes isare less time consuming. There is lot of time wastage in hand made items.
Another reason is that a machine consumes much lesser time for making a garment whereas it takes a much long time for making by hand.

Ok.... you are preparing for TOEFL and that means you've got to do this essay in 30 minutes. Am I right?
Were you able to handle it withing that time? If not , limit your reasons to two. I believe it is quite alright.

Writing Feedback / Has people's interaction changed because of technology? IELTS [5]


people's


.... In fact some have literally almost died down
Old ways of communication is fading off gradually.


.... I think the right word is "neglected" or "ignored" .... You didn't cheat her, did you? ....LOL
I wish you picked about two to three ways how technology has affected the way people interact and talked about one by one in each body para. That would arrange your flow more logically.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - 'slight difference'; The illiteracy rates around the world [6]

ohhhhh... yes.... sorry about my mistake :(

Writing Feedback / Ielts task 1- give me feedback, and mark on /9.0 [3]


.... You need to mention the type of graphs - that's important. In this case they are bar charts. Start off with an easy statement for your introduction;

The two bar charts illustrate/ demonstrate the secondary and tertiary education received by males and females in four different regions.


.... This is report writing and therefore you are expected to provide a balanced view. It requires you to adopt a more formal tone... Also "records" fits better than "witnesses" here.

Writing Feedback / Last few years, authority as well as government is highly concerned about the school atmosphere. [6]

You need to pay serious attention to grammar, my dear friend! Don't worry... You'll be alright with practice....and we'll help you;


.... Have a look at this sentence - it's pretty too long and therefore you tend to make many mistakes;


.... teachers teach and students learn - schools provide education;
The primary objective of the schools is to provide education to students. ... Likewise, make shorter sentences until you get a good hang on grammar
Also, I really don't get the idea of what you were trying to say in the latter part of that sentence.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL; What's more important: hard work or luck? not reckon on luck in our plan [3]

Moreover, we cannot always leandepend on our luck to be successful .


.... why do you mention TOEFL there? It has many types of tasks and not necessarily multiple choice tasks. So, the reader may get confused if you mention about TOEFL. Keep it in general mode :D


Undoubtedly, it is a wise to advice that you should work hared in order to be successful at exams.

Writing Feedback / IETLS General Task 1: You have lost your credit card. Letter to manager [5]

Wish you pay attention to what dumi has suggested. She highlights some of very important aspects in letter writing.


.... I think this is not really necessary to mention. Dedicate one paragraph to describe how you lost your credit card. There, you need to skim the details as to what are really necessary. The manager is not a police officer and would not be interested in every little detail about the incident. So, tell him how, when and where you lost the card. That's enough.

Writing Feedback / GRE:Development of technology should improve our ability to think for ourselves [7]


I feel you need to improve presentation of this idea;
Secondly, reliance on technology has enabled us to arrive at more efficient and convenient solutions, especially with regard to time and efforts we put in for a task.


.... this example is not at all clear. You better re-phrase this one.

Writing Feedback / transportation vehicles you think it has changed people's lives. [2]


Thanks to many advanced technologies these days the human life has become more comfortable and convenient.


.... link this sentence with the previous one;
One of the areas that these technological advancements took place is the transportation sector.


... this sentence does not sound very logical. You need to connect what you say to your prompt as your primary objective in the introduction is to introduce your prompt. Also you've asked to select one of the modes and deal with that only. I don't see that's happening :(

Writing Feedback / Studying in a group has a lot of advantages that can promote learning process [4]


... give more focus to your reason;
First, group study provides the opportunity to benefit from each others' views.... Now give an example


.... very good point.
Secondly, group studies help us to understand whether we are on the right track without being carried away by our own conclusions.

Writing Feedback / Describe what responsibilty you think you will face as a GP in other country? [5]


When we don't see your prompt, it is pretty hard to comment on your writing because we have no idea what it really means and expects from you. You better include it in your future essays :)

Living in a far away place without your family and loved ones around would make you feel homesick that, in most cases, cannot be substantiated by the potential financial gains you would earn.

I don't understand why you talked about that hospital and medical instruments. What is the relevance of that to your first sentence?

Writing Feedback / IELTS_cultural traditions will be destroyed by developing tourism. right/wrong? [3]

Interesting topic :)

Well.... this is my suggestion for your introduction;
Cultural traditions are an important aspect for any nation because they help a nation to keep its people together while allowing them to get connected with their past. On the other hand, tourism is also an important economic activity that helps boost a country's economy. However, there are two different views about using cultural traditions to help boost tourism. Some believe it would destroy the value of such traditions while some others claim it is the only way to preserve them for future generations. I support the former opinion.

Writing Feedback / 'the life itself'; PARENTS Vs TEACHERS ; Reasons & Examples [5]


.... this is an incomplete sentence. This is alright for your speaking task, but in writing you need to have formal and complete sentence structures.


.... As dumi suggested, state your opinion in the introduction. Use your body paragraphs to give the reasons to justify your opinion and convince the reader on your justification by giving examples to support your reasons.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - 'slight difference'; The illiteracy rates around the world [6]


Hey .... this is a wrong statement. The chart illustrates the literacy rates which means that what percentage of the entire population is literate. It does not give the numbers of how many men and women are illiterate. It's quite other way round. My advice is for you to take as much as help from the chart title. Don't deviate too much from what it says. .... Also, mention it is regional based. The word region has more depth than area. You may use same terms used in the chart title and there's no harm as long as you interpret in your own words.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2:Some people argue that the purpose of zoos is only to entertain people. [7]


First, the zoo protects endangered species helping the conservation efforts in that direction.


... good example.... I never knew this before :)


Another reason is that zoos enable people to acquire a more in depth knowledge about animals and their behavioral patterns by providing an excellent research environment.

Writing Feedback / IELTS:Some people believe that there should be fixed punishment for each crime type [6]


Generally, the objective of punishment is to arrest the level of crimes in a society .
Some people think that it does not matter what is the reason behind committing a crime therefore thereshould be fixed punishment for a specific crime.

Writing Feedback / What are some other reasons than money, that people work? [5]

Moreover, I work in order to broaden my perspectives

Writing Feedback / Ielts- The internet and change of lives [5]


...not only easier. It's more efficient and low cost. You better mention about those points :)


In the past, staying connected with our loved ones had been a tedious task.

Writing Feedback / 'Climate change'; Some believe that the Earth is being harmed by human activity [3]


... Why do you narrow the scope of your prompt to one particular type of natural disaster? Your prompt is open to accommodate all types of calamities. So you too should maintain that.

Your opinion is that human activity is harmful to the existence of the earth. Ok...then tell a reason why you think so. Then give an example to support the reason.


Furthermore, environmental pollution can have serious consequences.

Writing Feedback / FOOD STANDS Vs EATING AT HOME ; I support the latter! [4]


.... Hey.... are you telling the truth? I of course wait for a chance to eat from out ...LOL ... That's exactly the point in this essay :D


.... This sentence is not necessary.... you can stop with expressing your opinion.


On the other hand, can you be sure of the quality of food these restaurants serve or how clean their kitchens are?
Good Writing :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS_should government pay for people's education and health care? [2]


.... Let see how it sounds when the order is changed slightly;
First of all, education and medical facilities are considered as basic rights of citizens because of the fact that there will be severe social issues in absence of them.


... the word should be "Imagine"
you should have provided specific examples for your reasons. It is a must for this task.

Writing Feedback / Think of the most interesting class you have ever taken. Why did you enjoy this class [5]


.... both these sentences mean the same. Therefore one makes the other redundant. Combine both and form one interesting sentence.


There was no pressure at all from the teachers or the lessons.


When I first performed in front of people, it gave me lots of confidence about myself and I was so convinced about my public speaking skills. Not only that I was delighted with the appreciation I received from other.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 1 - line graph on usage of cars in the UK [3]


.... this is not about ownership of the cars, but usage of cars by the households. There is a slight difference between these two ideas.
The line graph demonstrates the trends of percentage value of households that regularly used cars in the UK from the year 1971 to 2007.


.... the number of households using one car has slightly decreased though.
Overall, it can be noted that households using two or more cars had a gradual increase throughout the period while the households with usage of one car has had a marginally decline. Further, there is a significant drop in the numbers of households with usage of no cars.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task2: Technological developments in the past few decades. Positive ? [4]


There are numerous online tools that have made our lives much more comfortable compared to how they were in previous eras.
For example, online booking and reservation of tickets, bill payments, internet banking, virtual classrooms etc. are really helpful nowadays in contrast to the previous old day situation like standing in a long queue for everything.what previous generations experienced with long queues, lengthy waiting times etc.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay : effects of advertisement on daily life [3]


... This is how I would tell this idea;
I was once told not to have too much faith in advertisements due to the reason that they may not reveal the real picture.


Secondly, in order to make sure that all the products are being sold, the sellers try many tricks such as ....
Advertisements have always been a tool to stimulate consumption but its overly useoveruse it can lead to serious consequences.

Writing Feedback / DOES THE INTERNET PROMOTE DEEP READING & CRITICAL ENGAGEMENT; "The Shallows" [3]


First of all, I wish to clarify the fact that why the Internet is inferior to our brains.... I wish you used the term "computer" instead of internet in this line because you cannot compare brain with internet, but you can compare brain and the computer that handles similar functions.


The essential difference between the two is that flexibility with regard to change; one is capable of changing on its own while the other is not.

Writing Feedback / American students should be required to learn a second language; CLEP exam [4]


Well, learning a second language helps a student to broaden his perspectives and that has a great value for society. This is the key thing that promotes a person to respect other cultures, values, beliefs and appreciate co-existence. This fact would certainly be instrumental in bringing peace and harmony to the world. I wish you stressed this point somewhere in your essay.

Good luck!

Writing Feedback / 'knowing own culture' - Should all students study the same curriculum? [5]

Consider a country like in india where in the state decides the curriculum untilup to the 12th standard.


This would make students to pass a common national level examination in order to qualify for their undergraduate studies in which they would follow different courses to pursue the major fields of their interest.


.... I feel you need to rephrase this part. Your idea does not seem to be flowing logically :(

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] The car use will definitely decrease in twenty years [4]


....well this is not the other side of your argument. That is to say there will not be fewer cars in the futue. So, you need to connect this reason to your argument, otherwise this does not sound logical;

While others think that a personal car is important for ones daily life and therefore the demand for cars would not reduce in the future.


.... this is not necessary, you can stop at the point of stating your position on the argument. The reader knows you are going to justify your position.

You write very well :)

Writing Feedback / 'avoiding sorrow' Happiness is considered very important in life. [4]

Dumi's suggestion is fantastic. It really helps one to construct a very good introduction :)


...Not some, the majority perceives that love brings them happiness. I'm no exception ;)


....well... why do you complicate your example by dragging ancient stories to it. Why don't you cite a more modern example;
For example, when a person is able to marry the partner he or she loves, it makes him/her very happy.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL- UNIVERSITY STUDENTS SHOULD ATTEND CLASSES OR NOT? [6]

Good introduction :)


This is not your reason. This you mentioned in the introduction too. So start the paragraph with the reason that justifies your position;


.... this is the one. You need to begin the para with this idea to give more prominence to your reason.
Also, give a specific example to show that students' interaction with the professors help them develop their knowledge and exposure.

Writing Feedback / The Internet is becoming more and more central to our lives [9]


First of all, the Internet provides people with easy and very fast access to any sort of information that cannot be accessed by using any other means ... Now give a specific example to prove this reason.

For example, today a person living in the Asia can immediately find out what has happened in the USA a few minutes ago with the help of the Internet.

Dumi has provided a more logical approach for you to come up with a nice essay :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS:Development of transportation has enabled people to travel conveniently [5]


... this one has grammar issues. Post your prompt so that we can have an idea what it expects. You should make some effort to improve clarity of your ideas. Construct simple sentences.


When you are exposed to a new culture which is different from your own culture, you will find many communication issues when you try to get in touch with local people.

Writing Feedback / IELTS ; Some people are born with talents while others are not! [4]


While there is some truth in saying that talents can be trained, certain fields such as music and sports require inborn talents.


.... why do you talk about children of famous personalities? You can talk about those famous people. How about Elton John? He naturally is gifted with born talents. Pick the best examples to convince the reader :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS_ Why little has been done to prevent animals and plants from dying out? [2]


... I'm going to change the order a bit;
The most serious issues that cause the extinction of endangered species often do happen in rural areas.


.... how about killing animals for fun? fishing and hunting? In simple terms, people destroy nature and others lives just entertain themselves.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Non academic subjects should be removed from syllabus - Agree or Disagree? [4]


.... The point here is that syllabus should aim not only developing students' knowledge in various subjects, but also developing their personality. In this regard sports, art and everything matter. You should have given more emphasis to this point.


.... physical education is important not only to create a healthy students, but also to help develop many social skills in students, especially team spirit. That's very important for their future.