Writing Feedback / (Summary article) A new weapon in the fight against malaria [3]

Alfin, when you describe Ivermectin, you need to capitalize it as it is a proper noun because the name describes a chemical name. You should also indicate in the summary that Ivermectin is a chemical because the reader needs to know how it is administered to the user. By the way, how is it administered? You forgot to include that explanation in the summary.

Additionally, you should have made mention of the areas where the chemical is being introduced for use. The places are indicated in the report and will help show a more authoritative tone for your summary. Before I forget, you should have included an explanation as to the method of administration of the chemical, how long it takes to take effect, and how long it can protect humans from the mosquito.

Basically, you need to add more information from the article in order to deliver a more informative summary of the article. Right now, the essay leaves the reader with more questions than information.

Writing Feedback / People are more likely to spend their leisure time online rather than among local communities [3]

Syeda, I am not sure if you replied to the provided prompt properly because you did not give us a complete copy of the prompt requirements. Do us a favor and post the complete prompt for our reference ok? We need to know if this paper was to be written as a personal opinion paper or what. The specifics can be gained from the original prompt. I have to point out that your essay has a tendency to present incomplete thoughts such as in the second sentence of the second paragraph. You forgot to state the topic of your sentence so it delivers an incomplete thought. As such, the paragraph would be better presented if you simply delete that line. Your overall discussion seems to be logical and, based upon the title of your essay, looks to be prompt responsive to a specific degree. Again, we need the original prompt in order to determine the extent of propriety of your response. I look forward to reading the actual prompt very soon so that I can further improve upon my advice to you.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Summary Article (v) Energy-efficient engine turns waste hot water into electricity [4]

Dioba, your summary is lacking some information. Most notably, the name of the technology that Excergin developed. You neglected to mention the reason for the development of the technology and its other applications if any. Obviously this is a summary essay for a procedural report so a short description of the technology along with how it is executed should have been included in the summary. By the way, the technology cannot improve a "less efficiency" as all technology is developed in order to "improve efficiency" so I think you just made a mistake with your term usage in that instance. The essay speaks of other applications of the technology, but doesn't really indicate how the technology is ideally going to be used in the first place.

Basically, the essay takes bits and pieces of information from all over the report without taking care to actually indicate the importance of certain procedures, descriptions, and keywords. That has weakened the summary ability of this essay and has resulted in a less than stellar and non-informative essay. The reader cannot really understand what the purpose of your summary is because of the lack of proper information within the written text.

Writing Feedback / Nadia Lopez wants to open a new school, located in a place with high crimes rate in Brownsville [2]

Dioba, you have only presented the problems that Nadia Lopez faces in opening her school. A citation of the number of students involved in crime would have helped to illustrate the point that Brownsville has a problem with crime in relation to education. For the readers who are not familiar, you should have included a simple explanation of what an orphan school is based upon the discussion in the video. A single sentence describing such would have sufficed. Finally, always remember that when you present the negative, you need to present the positive as well. That means, your closing portion should have indicated the possible solutions that Nadia Lopez is looking at in order to keep the students in school and out of prison. Those were all mentioned in the video and should have been presented in summary form here as well. Without it, the summary comes across as imbalanced and lacking in a proper discussion summary.

Writing Feedback / Summary TEDx Backyard forrest to face smog in the cities [3]

Bambang, the essay that you wrote is quite informative and offers the key points of the discussion. However, the background for your speaker is not complete so the reason behind his fascination with forests leaves the reader wondering as to how and why he has that fascination. My suggestion is that in the portion where you present the name of the speaker and that he has a fascination with forests, you mention why that is so and what his early interests in the forest are all about. That way when you present the second part of the summary, the reader knows that the speaker has a personal connection with the topic. The early interests presents the foundation of his current interest in backyard forestry and why he is advocating that cause. When done that way, the essay summary truly leaves the reader completely informed.

Undergraduate / Barnard is all that I have envisioned [7]

Yoosol, for starters, you don't need to discuss the history of Barnard College at the start of the response. That is unnecessary as the reviewer is quite familiar with the history of their university and what makes it special. You should also skip the quotation from the unknown student. All that is important in this essay is your response to the prompt.

The response you wrote about being undecided about your major is one of the acceptable reasons for your opting to study at Barnard College. The final paragraph doesn't gel with the prompt requirement and should be revised. Your response should center on the academic side of the university. What attracted you to Barnard should be related through the classes you hope to take, professors you wish to learn from, and any research that you hope to do should you stick to Psychology or Neuroscience as your major.

You can opt to use the campus community as a reason you were attracted to apply, but only if you actually visited the campus and experienced an interaction with the students that left an impression on you. Otherwise, your reference to the campus sounds like it just came from the website or student brochure. It won't impress the reviewer at all. A close, personal connection to the academic and learning community would be the best reflection of the reasons for your attraction to and idea behind why studying at Barnard would be a good match for you. Discussing how you plan to enjoy life in New York sounds more like you wanting to be a tourist rather than a student. Stick more to the academic discussion in order to create the proper impression of yourself with the reviewer.

Writing Feedback / Summary TED (The birth of virtual reality as an art form) [4]

Alfin, your summary misses all of the important key points of the discussion. There is no proper representation of the actual topic of the talk, the reason behind it, and the audience reaction to the activity. You did not even bother to spell check your work. There is a lack of cohesion and clarity in your writing. The grammar is horrible. You must learn to proof read your statements before sending it out for scoring or review. Notice that you have placed extra letters in the words "showsnand" which makes the word or term lose its meaning. What exactly where you trying to say? Also, you need to make sure that you learn the correct plural forms. In the sentence where you refer to "friend" you actually mention 2 names which makes the term plural and should therefore have been written as "friends" and not "friend". This essay is actually not informative at all and would most likely receive a failing score in an actual test setting. I advice you to watch or listen to the talk again and come back with a totally new version of the essay. One more informative this time for our review and analysis.

Writing Feedback / Death penalty is the best way to reduce the increasing number of crimes [2]

Mai, when you say that there are several reasons for a particular discussion, you actually need to mention those reasons and no, examples such as the Paris attacks do not count towards those reasons. The better way to have discussed your first reason would have been to immediately say that the death penalty is seen as the possible way to contribute to a peaceful society.

Violet, you must remember something very important when writing this type of essay. The instruction stops with "Discuss both sides". It does not ask you to offer a personal opinion. Therefore, you should not say "I believe..." in the essay. You are not being asked to write an opinion essay, rather, you are being asked to write a comparison essay. When writing a comparison essay, the writer is not supposed to take sides. Just present the necessary data to create what is known as an informed reader. The reader should not be influenced by the writer of the essay to take a specific side.

Undergraduate / Growing up, I always knew I wanted to be an Artist. SCAD statement of purpose. [3]

Luisa, what you have written is a personal statement for your application. This is not a statement of purpose. The focus of your statement of purpose should show the early foundation of your interest in art. Specifically, the reason why you were drawn to art in the first place. Aside from the problems in your country and art being ignored, why do you feel a need to become an artist? By the way, you need to choose a specific major at the college to use as the basis of your essay. That counts towards representing your interest in art. Think of the kind of career you want to have in the future and how you see that career helping you in the future. Don't mention scholarships. That does not have a place in the statement of purpose. Maybe there are other application prompts where you will be given a chance to discuss that. Keep in mind, you need to have a solid career goal in mind after graduation. Think long and hard about that and develop your essay around your plans to achieve that. Make sure to indicate the classes that college offers which can help you slowly achieve your career goals. Since you already visited the campus, make sure to mention the experience and why it convinced you that SCAD is the only university that can help you with your future. Write a totally new essay. Don't try to revise the current one that you have.

Writing Feedback / Schools have different opinion regarding to what their students should wear. [5]

Hi Amril, now i understand why you made that mistake. You need to get out of that mindset. I know that the essay prompts all sound similar already after a certain point of constantly doing them. That is why you have to be conscious of the fact that there are various types of instructions attached to certain prompt. Once you are always aware that you have to read the prompt in totality, you should be able to avoid that problem in the future. Also, you have to be sure that you leave some time to proof read your essay so that you can double check your content against the prompt. This will ensure that you did not forget to discuss something or that you did not discuss a topic that is not included in the prompt.

When you write an essay asking you to compare two sides, you are not allowed to present an opinion. It is not your job to influence the decision of the reader in this type of essay. Your only task is to present evidence coming from both sides for the consideration of the reader. The reader must be allowed to come to a conclusion on his own.

There is no right or wrong way to respond to this essay. As long as you represent both sides, neutrally in your discussion, meaning you do not take sides or present an opinion, the essay will be acceptable. Your grammar is alright. I do not feel a need to correct the grammar because it was understandable and showed a sense of logic and progression in your discussion. Your language is not so simple that it is elementary in presentation. I would say this is an intermediate sort of English language use which would be beneficial to your final score.

Writing Feedback / Schools have different opinion regarding to what their students should wear. [5]

Amril, please refer back to the original prompt instruction. I am wondering as to why you felt the need to give a personal opinion, but then not discuss it within the essay. Was there any instruction in the essay for you to give a personal opinion? If there wasn't any, then you should not have given a personal opinion. Doing things that are not part of the prompt requirement will have a negative effect upon your score. Mostly because the examiner will be led to believe that you do not know how to follow instructions and that you also, did not understand the instructions you were given. If your personal opinion was required, then you should have indicated that in the full prompt presentation when you posted your essay here.

Overall, the essay is strong and shows a cohesive flow of thought. The personal example was a nice touch as it helped to illustrate that you understood most of the prompt requirement. The personal reference could help to boost your score in certain instances. Now, I am just worried about the fact that you did not further discuss your personal opinion in the essay even though you presented it in your discussion overview. Please clarify that point for me as I want to be sure that I am offering you the most accurate advice possible.

Writing Feedback / The speaker gives an explanation about the development of brain when learning a foreign language [3]

Muhamad, just a word of advice, remember to listen well to the voice of the speaker in the video. In this instance, the speaker was a woman and not a man so you should have used the pronoun "she" and not "he". The proper terminology used in the essay also counts towards your final score so be very careful about your pronoun assignments. Now, when you are trying to use complex terminology in the essay to prove your widened vocabulary, you must be certain that the term you are using is applicable to the scenario in this case, disparate means "essentially different in kind" or "not allowing for comparison". As you heard in the essay, no such thing happened. Instead, there was a differentiation between the types of language learners and how they learn. Therefore, you should have used a different term. In my opinion, the term you should have used could have been "differentiated" instead. To differentiate means to recognize or ascertain what makes something different. Since you are showing the difference between the types of learners, differentiate would have been the more proper term to use. Remember, using a complex word in the wrong context will have an effect on your final score. Your wide lexicon must be supported by the correct usage of the term otherwise, the reviewer will recognize that you do not really have a wide vocabulary and you do not understand the meaning of the word you used.

Writing Feedback / Zaria Forman has dedicated herself to preserve indefensible places which are may soon extinct [5]

Okay, your essay delivers the goals that Zaria Forman wishes to convey through her drawings. Your essay is direct to the point and really covers the most important and most obvious aspects of the talk that she gave. The summary works in terms of delivering the quickest and most obvious information from the video. It seems to me though that the summary could have been better presented if you had presented the information she shared regarding her more personal reasons for wishing to present the beauty of the earth this way. Such as the influence of her mother, the time she spent with the Inuit tribes, and other aspects which could have been summarized into the essay as the direct influences in her life that led her to portray her drawings in this realistic and beautiful manner. Make sure that you always listen to the video straight through so that you don't miss out on the other important but late introduced information within the talks given. You can do that. There will never be a video 20 minutes long for your review for the test.

Graduate / SOP Social and Cultural Processes in Architecture and Urban Design [3]

Hanifati, we have a one essay per thread rule here at the forum. That means that even though your essay instruction comes in two parts, I can only advice you regarding one essay. The other essay will most likely be deleted by the admin so you should post it separately in a new thread. Just include the instructions in the new thread and we will advice you regarding that essay there.

Now, as for the assessment of your essay, your goal is not really very clear in the writing. You gave background regarding your interest in architecture and its accompanying sub categories and an explanation regarding your fascination in the field. However, there is no clear statement of goals in your overall essay.

The minute you write your introduction paragraph, you should already indicate the goal or reason that you are pursuing higher studies. That should be the foundation of the whole essay discussion. Consider it the purpose, yes, the purpose of your application. Think of where you stand in your career at the moment, does your desire to increase your knowledge have anything to do with your career progression? If so, then that is a major part of your educational and career goals. The fact that you need more education in order to do better work in this field should be the primary goal of your essay. It should be supported by your plans for your future career as well. As of now, the information in your essay is more of a vision rather than a goal. Those are two different aspects of discussion that require two different essay approaches.

The latter part of your essay that discusses your interest in UC Berkley is too short to be definitive of your goals for higher academic achievement. You should look into more details of their program. Something related to their training, internship, or research programs are necessary parts of your essay. An overview of the research you want to do is acceptable but should be discussed in further detail in the project proposal section.

As you can see, the advice that is being given to you for just the statement of goals is already quite long and complicated to execute on paper. That is why we advice you to work on one essay at a time, in separate threads. I look forward to helping you with your other essay as soon as we complete the work on this first essay.

Writing Feedback / Summary TED - Mia Nacamulli; Learning more than one language [2]

Bung, the summary that you wrote is too rushed and does not inform the reader of the necessary parts of the video. The most important parts being the description of the 3 types of bilingual brains. Since you did not indicate that in your report, you were unable to properly assess the video material for information and importance. While the rest of your information was based on the video report, there was no instance where you actually informed the reader properly regarding the main topic being discussed in the video. Therefore, your essay is wanting in information and clarity. As far as task achievement goes, you only partially fulfilled the needs of the essay due to your failure to indicate the key points of discussion in the essay. Sadly, that may have an effect on the final score that you could possibly get. Just remember, the key discussions must always be represented in the essay. So do your best to identify and note its importance during the listening segment of the test.

Writing Feedback / Summary New Scientist - Electric fields can stimulate... [2]

Bung, when you write a summary essay like this, make sure to represent both sides of the discussion in the essay. The original article indicates that there are both good and bad, pros and cons, of using this system of treatment. Therefore, you must present the bad opinion in your summary also. What I noticed is that you only read the first half of the article, you did not read the article to the very end. Which is why you were only able to present the first half of the discussion in your presentation. You must practice reading faster and more efficiently so that you will always present a full discussion. Learn how to take note of keywords and data through the scanning of the article. If you must read under a time limitation, make sure to note as much of the original article as you can during the note taking period. This will help you develop a more informed essay presentation.

Writing Feedback / Be Sure to Those Who Helped You [6]

Muhamad, you have just broken the singular most important rule in writing these summary essays. You copied, without even trying to rephrase the text, a whole portion of the original article. I refer to the portion that talks about the generation that is lazy, ungrateful, and disrespectful. The examiner will see that you did not even try to change the way that the section of that essay was presented and he will immediately fail you in this section of the test. You should always strive to present an original understanding of the essay that will never refer back to the original text in a form of plagiarism. The important thing to present in this essay is your own understanding of the text so you have to speak in your own words. You cannot duplicate the words from the original source. Try your best to present this same essay to us again. This time, do not use words from the original. As I reviewed your work, I found more words from the original source being presented here with almost no corrections. You need to make sure to never do that in the actual test so you might as well start practicing that during the practice tests.

Writing Feedback / The breakthrough platform from central bank of Indonesia [2]

Nina, you should have also mentioned that the Central Bank is involved in the planning and overseeing of the fintech companies because more than half the population of Indonesia doesn't have access to banks. That is one of the main reasons as to why the fintech was developed by the government and central bank. Adding that the same system has been successfully launched in Singapore and the UK, as indicated in the report would have also added to the idea that you analyzed the article for important keywords and information that could help the reader gain a sort of confidence in the technology being launched in their own country. As it is, the information in you present is informative, but missed some extra important points in the summary presentation.

Writing Feedback / Article Summary : Ahok named suspect in blasphemy case [2]

Nda, this is not a bad summary of the original article. You have covered most of the important points and presented valid evidence. However, there is some lack of clarity in your statements. For example, Ahok did not just make statements, he made "congroversial statements" which led to the protest and blasphemy charges. The word "controversial" is important because it explains the reason why he was investigated by the police and protested by the people. Without the descriptive word to emphasize his actions, the reason for the investigation and protest is not clear. In addition, you should have added the part about the police indicating that he will have a public trial as that explains what kind of justice system he will be facing for his actions. The rest of the essay is acceptable in its current form.

Undergraduate / A story about yourself that you have not already shared in your application [7]

Hi Libby, as far as I can tell, you can remove the part that describes the changing into PJ's and related information. You can better enhance the introduction if you add a short explanation as to why your mom gifted you with that stay. Simply saying it was part of the promotion for the movie should be sufficient enough. You don't really have that much word count to play with. You don't have to be very detailed about the activities that you did at the museum. Instead, build on the sentence that explains how you gained a greater knowledge about our place in the universe. Which parts of the exhibit helped you realize that? Just mention one or two. The reference to Willy Wonka can also be omitted in favor of expanding on the "lights out" section. I think the parts you will be removing can actually help free up enough word count for you to be able to better develop the essay. If not, then your only other option would be to write a totally new essay using the new direction I am suggesting.

Writing Feedback / (Summary TED) Philip Zimbardo the demise of guys? [3]

Alfin, there is a grave error in the summary that you wrote. You are not allowed to present a personal opinion when summarizing this article / video as you are only required to present the immediate and important information that you gained from the original source. Therefore, your summary essay will lose points for not following directions. I wish that you had presented the url of the original article / video for our reference here. It is important that we learn the actual information you were provided with in order for us to properly assess your work. Right now, the work is coming across as sloppy and uninformative because there is a lack of foundation or background reference based on the original. Had you made some reference to the other important elements from the source, we may have at least, been able to follow the flow of information that is required in the essay. It's not too late for you to present the address of the source. We can still review your essay in a better form if you do that.

Writing Feedback / The Early Baby Dragons Comes From Incarceration That Related with Young Range [2]

Yurike, there are certain errors in your summary. For example, the pink aquatic salamanders do not live in contaminated water. These sea creatures live in the drinking water coming from the Karst area. The summary said the people are protecting the waters because, aside from the pink salamanders living in it, they also get their drinking water there. The report said that the water cannot be contaminated because it would not only pollute the living quarters of the salamanders, but the people would not have any water to drink either.

I know that you are writing these essays under a time constraint but you need to learn that rushing through the essay and then submitting without double checking your information will cost you points in the exam. So you have to learn to time yourself, leaving enough time to double check your information before you hit the submit button. Remember, your information has to be accurate or you will fail the test due to wrong information and a clear misunderstanding of the English language. Your task accuracy will fail.

Undergraduate / A story about yourself that you have not already shared in your application [7]

Libby, what is the maximum word count on this response? I believe that you need to add a paragraph that offers a backstory regarding the Night at the Museum that you attended at the age of 7. The reason I am suggesting you do that is because not everyone may be aware of that event being offered by the museum. So, let's assume that the reviewer hasn't heard about it. Just inform him about the purpose of the activity and why your mother thought you would enjoy the activity. That way, when you go on to the presentation of the activity, the reviewer will know the kind of mindset that you had during the activity. Try to share some information regarding what you learned about the museum exhibits as well. If your current major choice is related to the activities at the museum, I mean, if this stay had helped you to develop your interest in your major, then go ahead and state that. If not, you should just relate why this experience was unique and memorable for you. Other than what you have already stated. At the moment, the essay is really one dimensional in presentation and can't interest the reviewer in the way that it should. So adjusting the content should help with that problem.

Undergraduate / If I had the ticket in my hands right now I would be on my way to visit Paris. College essay [3]

Diana, you need not have such a long introduction to the actual discussion of your essay. The reviewer doesn't have the time to wade through all of this unnecessary information. It would be in the best interest of your essay if you would simply tell the reviewer that you would use your ticket to visit the catacombs in Paris and why. That is all you need to present in the essay. Everything else that you speak of regarding your travel background is nothing but unnecessary space filler in the essay. My opinion is that you only need the last 2 paragraphs of your essay in order to properly respond to the prompt. If you want to add another paragraph, then use the part about not being aware of the catacombs until about 2 years ago. That would more than provide an informed discussion in response to the prompt and also help the reviewer to get to the point of your essay sooner rather than later. That is something that he will appreciate a lot. Remember, you don't need to present the maximum word count. As long as you are not under minimum word count, your essay is fine.

Research Papers / Marijuana Controversy and research paper [2]

Sean, the essay is good. However, it seems to be lacking a representation of suggested solutions to the problem regarding the proliferation of medical use Marijuana. You should have a portion before the conclusion that makes specific suggestions that can help to alleviate or resolve the issue. Or, you should at least represent the existing laws and guidelines that try to prevent the abuse of medical Marijuana prescription. There are a number of laws, in states that legally allow the use of Marijuana either for medical or recreational use that you can present as evidence of the current preventive measures. You can base your suggestion for nationwide legislation of the laws governing the use of Medical Marijuana on those laws. By the way, you should at least offer a side of the discussion that tries to justify the use of recreational Marijuana in order to bring a better balance to your discussion regarding the possible abuse of Marijuana in a non-medical setting.

Writing Feedback / IELTS T2: Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small [4]

Siu, you need not worry so much in terms of the content of your essay. You were right on track and you did not misunderstand the prompt. In fact, you clearly discussed the topic and offered logical supporting evidence from, what I believe, is based on your personal experience or knowledge. While your discussion is sound and strong, there is a slight imbalance in the way you discussed the essay. If you had discussed this essay in an argumentative system, you would have been able to discuss both the the agreed and disagreed opinions in the essay. That way, when you discuss your personal opinion, it would have a stronger backing based upon the side that you chose to support in the essay.

Please keep in mind that the thesis statement or introduction and the closing statement or conclusion of the essay always needs to have a minimum of 3 sentences each paragraph. If you do not portray the minimum number of sentences per paragraph, you will lose points in the final scoring, even if you are over the 250 minimum word count.

Your sentence structures are logically developed and you showed a chronological discussion in your essay. So your fears regarding your sentence structure, grammar, and reasonableness of content are unwarranted. You did a pretty good job in the development of your essay discussion.

Writing Feedback / The laws are needed to make people recycle more waste? [2]

Nurul, the prompt is asking you about laws regarding the implementation of recycling in communities. You are supposed to be discussing the possibility or necessity of implementing more laws in order to get people to recycle more materials. I cannot understand why you are discussing education instead in your essay. The prompt doesn't ask you anything about educating the people so it is clear that you did not understand the prompt requirements for this essay. There is no clear discussion regarding the extent or necessity of laws that could encourage people to increase their recycling. So if I were the examiner, it will be clear to me that you did not understand the prompt requirements, which led to the wrong discussion in your essay. I will not grade this essay for you because it will not have a passing grade. I will however, encourage you to revise your essay in order to give you another chance to fully understand the prompt and properly discuss the material. You will not get the same chance in a real test so I suggest that you work on your English comprehension skills in order to ensure that you will not only understand the prompt, but that you will also be able to discuss it properly.

Letters / My house has been renovated from the front to the back. FT D - Balasan surat untuk jeri [2]

Hi Affan, I have some minor corrections for your letter. In terms of sentence structure and grammar, you obviously have an understanding of what you want to say in English. You just have to be shown how to properly develop the content of the letter. I hope to achieve that by showing you the cleaned up version of your letter below:

Hi Jerry,

I was very happy to receive your letter. I am actually doing fine and happy to learn that you are also doing well. I would like to thank you for your letter and for informing about how you are doing in your new home. I hope your family likes living in your new place. I am a bit sad that it has been some time since we last visited each other. I hope you can come visit me soon.

Let me describe my current house to you so you can imagine what kind of visit we can have if you come here. There is a small garden and fish pond in front of my house. While the backyard has a chicken coop. My family decided to renovate our house. My room is on the second floor of the house. It is at the back because I need a quiet environment while I am studying.

I would like to tell you more but I am afraid I can't do that just by writing this letter. I think I will stop here for now. I hope you can come visit me soon my friend.

Writing Feedback / Essay: DOGS ARE FRIENDS, NOT AN MEAT [2]

Hang, I am not sure about the format that you have written your essay in. I have not come across an essay before where the prompt is placed in the middle of the essay. It is normally placed within the first paragraph of the essay because you are supposed to inform the reader about the topic of the essay before you progress further in the discussion. I sense a separation from your original topic towards the latter part of your essay. You went from the topic of eating dog meat to the safe keeping of dogs. I believe that you are trying to discuss too many topics related to protecting your dog without really knowing how to do it. So here is my suggestion. Outline your plan of writing for your essay. Make sure that you follow a logical introduction of the topics you want to discuss so that each paragraph relates to and properly introduces the next topic to the reader. By doing that, you will allow the reader to get a clearer idea of what it is you want to discuss. Most importantly, you will need to develop a proper thesis for your essay at the start. Explain the topic you will be talking about, why you believe it is important to learn about this, and what your conclusion might be. That way you present the order of discussion to your reader before he begins to read your work.

That said, being a dog lover myself, I appreciate the work that you have placed in this paper and the suggestions that you have made. I too do not agree with the consumption of dog meat. They are pets and are not groomed as cattle. There is room for improvement in the essay so I hope that you will come back with a revised version of your work.

Scholarship / Need help with my recommendation letter. My professor doesn't speak English! [2]

Anna, the essay that you have developed for your professor lacks the focus and professional tone that ordinarily comes with a student recommendation letter. You need to revise the letter to become short but informative.Normally, 2 paragraphs are sufficient enough for the recommendation letter provided that it delivers the necessary content to help your application. Make sure that the letter highlights the following:

1. What the professor considers your exceptional ability while you worked with him on the class project.
2. Your qualities as a Media Culture specialist that would make your application stand out from the others.

As of now, your letter needs to build the authority of your professor to make these recommendations. So the professor needs to indicate his position in the university, the length of time you have worked with him (less than one year is not sufficient for a recommendation letter), and the type of project that you worked on successfully with him.

If you can revise the letter to reflect my suggested changes, we can add more information to help your recommendation letter. That is if I find some information lacking or in need of improvement.

Essays / Wesleyan University Supplement on the pragmatic nature of liberal arts. [5]

Salman, if you remove the reference to Richard Dawkins in your essay and instead focus on your belief regarding interdisciplinary studies. The reason that I believe that you should do that is because the prompt already refers to President Michael Roth of the Wesleyan University and his belief in the pragmatic nature of Liberal Arts. As such, there is no need for you to refer to someone else in the essay as the source of your understanding of liberal arts. All you have to do is use the second part of your essay as your response. So instead of using the past tense form, use the present tense sentence formation instead. Since there is only a maximum word count on the essay, you need not worry about the fact that your essay is only 173 words long. Those 173 words truly represent your understanding of the meaning of a liberal arts education is quite evident in this paragraph. So you really have responded quite personally to the prompt, and that is all that is required.

Graduate / "You will either step forward into growth or you will step back into safety" - SOP for MS in VSLI [4]

Sure you can Ming. In the case of a short term career plan, you could present a five year career plan. Your presentation can start from the moment that you graduate. A chronological idea of how you see your career progressing over that time would be great. You just have to make sure that your career progression will tie in with your completed studies and specific courses if any. I would not say that it has to be extremely detailed over five years since we are not really sure that the plan will go according to what you expect. Rather, present a five year plan that gives an allowance for time depending upon how fast your career will progress. If you want to really play safe you can just say something like, "Over the next five years, I plan to...", which will basically serve as a rundown of how you see your career progressing. The details of which can either be limited in scope or extremely detailed depending upon how you want to present it. Word of caution though, since a SOP is normally 500 words in length, you probably should not make the description too detailed.

Writing Feedback / How to deal with narcissist when taking holiday [4]

Imanina, you are supposed to be writing a summary of the article. So why did you not include any of the important information from the article in the summary? There was no data regarding the percentage of people considered narcissistic, nor a breakdown of the 5 ways to deal with such a personality type while on vacation. The article clearly indicates the aforementioned data in both facts and figures, with some witty examples to boot. Why did you pass up on the chance to show the examiner that you know how to summarize an article by simply listing down the important keywords from it? You should have mentioned the information even if you could not provide a description for each. Right now, what you have is an opinion statement, not a summary of an article.

Writing Feedback / Daylight Saving Time Bears A Unique Matter [3]

Mujja, your summary is short and distinct. You definitely presented the sole important information, with an acceptable explanation of daylight savings time in the essay. However, you could have added some other important information to make the summary more informative. Information like the fact that the twins have a 2 year old sister, this was the first time that such a birth happened at the hospital, and that the parents actually tweeted about the confusing birth. By the way, the name of the hospital should have been included in the summary since that is where the twins were born. That said, I have to tell you that you used such a lighthearted manner of writing the summary that I almost did not want to call your attention to the missing and weak data that you have in the essay. Always make sure that you note the important information before you write your summary. You have enough time during the test to make sure that you don't miss out on anything that can affect your final score.

Writing Feedback / Summary New Scientist - Gender equality is boosted by better infection control [2]

Bung, you rushed through the process of summarizing your article. You did not read the essay in its totality. There were two aspects of the article that needed to be represented in your summary. These are the infections and child birth parts. Both of which seem to have a direct relation with gender equality throughout history. Your summary is actually very poor and wanting in information. You were not able to properly assess and note the important information that could have made your summary quite a complete an informative one. Did you read the whole article or not? If you did, was the reason your summary was too weak because you could not express yourself properly? Or did you just run out of time while you were developing the summary ? These are all reasons that could contribute to your failing this particular test. I want you to try and better apply yourself in your next practice run by trying to really create a balanced and informed summary. I suggest that you try to rewrite this summary when you have the time. This time, base your summary on the suggestions I provided here.

Writing Feedback / Article Summary : Monday's bright supermoon will be closest to Earth in 68 years [2]

Nurul, you will have to be careful about plagiarizing content in you summary. I caught a few cut and paste bits of information in your summary that were taken directly from the article. You did not bother to restate the information at all. This could cause a problem for you in an actual test because you are expected to produce your own interpretation of the information provided. The examiner will know if you wrote the material or not. Though you cannot cut and paste in the actual test, you can still copy the text and retype it. Please, be very careful. Always make sure that you compose an original thought or understanding of all the given information. The more I read your summary, the more I am convinced that you did not even try to create your own understanding for a major part of the summary. It is nice to know though, that you have the ability to pick out the most important information in the article for presentation in your paper. You just need to find your own voice so that you can effectively present your understanding of the information to the reader. I am sure you won't make that mistake again now that it has been pointed out to you.

Writing Feedback / Owner of Gudeg Yu Djum passes away [2]

Mohamed, let's get some of your error information clarified here. For starters, the body of Yu Djum was not taken home. According to the report that was in the newspaper, her body was taken to a funeral home. That is a place where dead bodies are prepared for interment. It is not to be confused with the home of the deceased. I am guessing that the word HOME in the report is that made you think that she was brought to the place where she lived instead of the place where she was to be brought in preparation for burial. Next. The term is BODY and not BODAY. I think your fingers typed faster than your brain could spell in this instance. That normally happens when one is typing in a rush. Remember to double check your spelling before you submit your essay. These simple mistakes could spell the difference between passing and failing this section of the test. The rest of the essay adheres and properly represents the remaining important information in the essay though. So you did not do too bad in developing the summary essay.

Letters / My dispatch is fine! Unipdu_FT_D A Letter to kiki [2]

Inna, your letter is really difficult to understand as you were not able to properly develop your letter. You were using English terms that were not relevant to the topic you were trying to develop in the discussion. For example, when you say "my dispatch is fine", that really means "my letter is fine" Were you talking about a letter or a report? You should think about revising that statement for clarity purposes. Then there is the problem of your word capitalization in the letter. All words that come after a period have their first letter capitalized to indicate a new sentence.

It would be easier if I just show you the corrected form of your letter so that you can get a better idea as to how to write your letter in the future. Here is my take on how you could have written this letter:

I was able to develop my report without a problem. I hope your report is also developing well. Now, I am rushing to finish the class tasks related to algorithma and pemrograman. These tasks are so hard that I do not have any free time and I can't enjoy my favorite past times. I promise you that I will visit you soon. I hope you can visit me as well. I live in a very isolated area. It is so isolated that there are no crowds and we can play comfortably in the flower garden. Perhaps we can play basketball or soccer when you visit? ...

Writing Feedback / It is the teacher's responsibility to make a student learn the material. [5]

Kinnie, in order to make your argument even stronger in this essay, you should have taken the time to present the opposing statement. This is a statement that you could have made in the opening paragraph of your essay. The reason that you need to present an opposing side in this type of discussion is because you need to show a balance of information in the written work. That means that, while you represent one side of the story, you should also be able to provide a discussion regarding the reasons why some people have an opposing point of view. When you present a balanced look at the discussion, you show the reviewer that you have the ability to think logically in English and that you have a clear understanding of the topic, not necessarily the prompt, that you are being asked to discuss. Doing so would further increase your chances of getting an increased score in the end.

Writing Feedback / These days, many people are trying to learn English, approximately 2 billions of students [3]

Andika, when you write a summary, don't forget to present a proper summary of the discussion. For example, in this essay, you should have presented an explanation regarding the topic, which is Mania, how it started, where it has spread, and sufficient reasons as to explain why English is a mania that shows no signs of stopping. Your opening sentence does not really inform the reader about anything. Actually, the sentence makes it sound like you are starting the essay at the middle instead of at a proper start point that offered some information about the forthcoming summary. There are no supporting statements regarding the reason why English became the global language either. So this summary is definitely going to have problems when it comes to scoring it for content, relevance, cohesion, and grammar. You need to practice note taking in a better manner in order to properly summarize video reports.