Writing Feedback / Technology is not foster our business only but also make people's daily life easier. [5]

- This isIt's modernized era where we are at .
- Many scientific inventions have been invented...
- I'mcan not convince that we can spend our life without technology because of the following reasons.
- People can know breaking news immediately even it happened in Asia or Europe.
- Internet is only one of the most economicalbest way for communicating with our belovedlove ones .
- In the second placenote ( "second place" is use to refer to competition winners and not to your opinion) ,
- business companies with automated technology are making more profit as compared to company with manual technology.
- Company'sdo notdon't need more staff to complete the product.
- ...so that they are getting more orders from their customers.
- In the third placeNext, , no one can foster his/
-Today most of the reputedreputable companies are selling their product mainly bythrough the internet.
- They have huge amount of customer in the internet.
- Mostly, urban people have no time for shopping so that they prefer online shopping.
- In conclusion, technology isdoes not foster our business only but also make people's daily life easier.
- So that,Now we can notit is hard for anyone to imagine our liveslife without technology in this twenty first century.

Madanoli, as you can see, the corrections I made are quiet a lot this is because the essay you made is not written in the manner that one can very well comprehend with the message that you are trying to make. I suggest you follow through and practice writing more.

Essays / Struggling with thesis statement/topic sentences/conclusion; American Studies student [3]

Topic sentence 2:
- Society drillsgrills young people to go to college and
- graduate summa cum laudewith honors in order them not to live on the street,
- the Grand Budapest Hotel is a counterexampleabsolutely a contrary and illustrates...

Conclusion:
- The Grand Budapest Hotel is highly recommendablerecommended .
- It is a paragon of society as it highlights that strong contacts are an important to factor for a successful life,
- at the same breathtime it gives society a wipewhip and proofs..

Heyiamj, I can't remember how many time I watched this movie and believe me, the more I watch it, the more it make sense, it's one of those movies that I will not get tired of watching. The story is very strong and it drives the inner self in you to strive and not to give up in life, it makes you realize that life is a constant struggle and a rewarding chapter is always the end.

Your thesis is good enough to start with however I suggest that along with watching the movie, you also need to research on history, Germany, Budapest and Europe in general, then you integrate your research with the movie. I bet that will be a fantastic and commendable thesis.

Writing Feedback / Are countries with a long average working time more economically successful? [4]

- Many people wrongly believe thatare confused with a long average
- working time that is directly tied to a nation's economic prosperity.
- From my perspective, overtime work is more likely to negatively impactnegatively
- To lengthenLengthening the duration of hours per employee
- isdoes not necessarily improve the productivity rate of labour .
- Hence, a long average working time is associated withto diminished output.
- Instead of increasing working hours, some essential factors oftodrivingdrive a successful
- have helped to increase performance in producing goods,

Tiffany, I definitely agree that longer hours does not necessarily factor in the success in one's economic boom, the manpower should be effective and efficient, this is what drives the nation's economy.

I hope my remarks help a little bit.

Graduate / The Curriculum of Masters of Science in Analytics is something which is tailor made for me [3]

Let's start with your title;
- The Curriculum of Masters ofin Science in and Analytics is something whichthat is tailoredmade for someone like me.

Now the body;
- Making my parents feel proud of me was on my top priority as I never did even once in my schoolingdid even once back in the day .

- I started to be a freelance programmer as early as the end of second year.
- InOn my third year,
- I just wanted to have some professional work..
- But I would like to assure you that every lecture whichthat I attended in my college,
- it to the real world scenario every time I learntlearned .

Teja, you have a very impressive line of expertise, I mean I can't even cope up once virus appears on my laptop and yet you want to further your career and tackle more analytic challenges, good for you.

The remarks I made might help, I just want to remind you that in writing you have to mind your verb forms and linking verbs that will make your essay mean more to your readers.

Undergraduate / Naval Academy Senator letter [3]

- I believe that my contagious fervorundying commitment in ( I choose this words because "contagious" seemed like a negative word like "contagious disease", it's up to you to decide)for helping others,

- Acceptance into the Naval Academy wouldwill not
- only allow me to grow as a servant of menmankind ,
- but also will guide me forward
- in my unselfish service and devotion to thegreater welfare of others .
- ...challenging for me andthan most other candidates.
- I am dedicated to a career in the naval service
- and will proudly accept any opportunity that the Navy would
- graciously offer me while holding service above selfanything else .

Ryan, I made a few additions on your letter, hopefully it enhances it.
Aside from the additions that I made I would also like to note that the letter lacks a few information about yourself, your achievements and how this achievements will help you in serving and holding such responsibility in the military.

Essays / Literary analysis on The Scarlet Letter and how the seven deadly sins are demonstrated. [3]

Well, Airfrm, the Scarlet letter to read is quiet challenging already and to write an analysis is I guess will turn my world 360 degrees.
However, I believe this pointers will be able to lighten up your senses;

- what is the story all about
- the climax or the story tells us about what?
- what is the whole plot of the story
- if you were to write the ending of the story what will it be
- should you be changing the role of the main character what role will it be
- how does this letter matter to our daily life
- or can we implement anything from the book to our daily life
- In conclusion, should you be the main character, would you do a different game and plot
- if so, how are you going to do it?

This are only a few ideas that will help you in coming up with a strong analysis, when you're done, post it here so we can assist you further.

Book Reports / "Feigning Madness" - Why Hamlet is Sane? "things are not always what they seem" [2]

- ...as well as the characters in the novels.
- ..who later re- marries to his mother,

3rd paragraph:
- ..he thinks about how ifit is if he kills him at this very
- Therefore Hamlet is completely sane, due to the fact that he hasthere is logic behind his actions.

Final paragraph:
The final paragraph has absolutely summed up all the justification that the essay is asking for, good job on that.
I can say the logic and the flow of the final input is what the essay needs in order to close it gracefully.

Now, overall, the essay is written well, all the elements is are working just in the right place where they are supposed to be.
I believe your inputs on Hamlet definitely helps any reader to understand the novel better and start reading more of Shakespeare's novels.
I only had a few reads of his novels and I must say, it's quiet hard to comprehend in the beginning but when you catch the idea and his writing style, it definitely is a magical piece of writing.

Writing Feedback / Choosing friends; having mates who are similar or different from you have both its good points TOEFL [2]

- In every part of lifetime,
- you couldcan talk about everything,
- people rather than the other ones.
- ..had to spend times together and have fun.
-.. and private secrets of mine.
- We were from the same town
- and same elementary school and we had common interest in movies in common .
- In shorta nut shell , having..

Eegii012, I made some corrections that can hopefully enhance your essay.
As I read through, I notice that you miss a lot of your verbs, linking verbs in particular and also you need to be careful on putting your words on the right place in your sentences because this will make or break the sentence.

Undergraduate / Among the Very Few; Why do you wish to participate in Semester at Sea as a gap year student? [2]

- Voyaging A voyage around the world on a ship..
- I dream to see new partsthe other of the
- world throughwith my own two eyes.
- ..serving people offrom different tribes, tongues(I'm not sure what you mean by different "tongue") ,
- ..liberal arts onin Maui where
- to majormajoring in missionary aviation.
- Very few people get to say that their journey of a lifetime aboard the ship contributed to and..

There you have it Michael, I made some corrections, I also made a few years at sea and yes it is indeed very rewarding. Good luck.

Writing Feedback / (GRE Argument) a memo from the director of student housing at Buckingham College [2]

-..will constantly be increasingincrease in the future.
-..enrollment increase does not necessarily increase the demand
- UselessSome (you cannot say "useless students", just because they don't board the school housing) students
- ..of rental rates will continues in the future.
- ..they have an alternative of taking up
-.. a way to lightenalleviate financial burden of the rent.
- Without ruling out other plausible scenarios, the dean cannot justify his argument.
- would attract perspectiveprospect students to the college might be unwarranted.
- ..dormitory would have morea little more effect on..
-.. attracting perspective studentspotential tenants than the dean expected.
- In sumconclusion ( "In sum", doesn't really compliment your well written argument) ,
- ..will continue in the further, leading to the increase of demand for dormitory hosinghousing ( typo but be careful) .

Jyh, this is a well written argument and you clearly made your point, KUDOS to you!!!
I made a few remarks, most of it are minor such as your linking verbs, as I mentioned they are minor but if we don't avoid it, it can spell disaster.

Essays / Research for Reservoir Engineering - topics choices [4]

Vagif, I agree with ChristineB, the pointers that she gave will definitely give you a good start in this research paper.
As the writing implies, this is a research paper so you have to do an extensive research in Reservoir Eng.
There are a few pointers I want to add;

- You have to define your research title
- the pros and cons
- the significance of the study
- the future of the field or industry
- the greater good and the economic effect in general
- in conclusion, cite a generic or overall engineering perspective of the research

I hope to see your essay, post it here so we can help you further.

Writing Feedback / A comparison of five groups activities of Australian kids 5 -14 years old spent their leisure time [3]

- It is clearly shown fromin the graph that 100 %
- of both boys and girls underin the survey

Ruacon, first of all you don't tag, "Overall", to an analysis that just started, this is suppose to be on the last part or when you wrap up the article.

It would also help if you post the graph or the chart, this will help us to give inputs in your writing.

Overall, the analysis is good, you made a point in comparing the given numbers and was able to come up with a complete report.

Writing Feedback / "The roots of education are bitter but the fruit is sweet."; Commitment to service [3]

- Plenty a night I spent plenty nights crying over
- She looked myme in the eyes
- ...and you continue not to comeasking for help.
- ..became more active vocally , and..
- and shared knowledge.
- What followed and continuescontinuedto follow is a long

Ilovemonkeys, I'm all in, I agree to what Aristotle said and it is indeed bitter in the beginning but hey, not far is a bright future that will definitely pay off all that it took to be where you want to be. I believe everybody have struggled at one point in their life, it's what they call "spice" that makes life utterly sumptuous and worth digging. In the end you reap what you sow.

Undergraduate / Selflessness - I hope I would make my papa proud. Common Application [4]

- ..if not for me thanat least for my family.
- ..it doesn'tno matter whether they were
- As I envisageenvisioned my plans to...

Dam, I know wherever your papa is he is so proud of you, you have grown into a loving and caring person and that alone will make him very proud of you.

On your essay, I made a few remarks, I believe you want to add big words into our essay like, "envisage", which is good, however, you don't want your readers to be flipping on the dictionary in order to understand that part of the article, as much as it hurts, it would be good to stick to the words that will keep your readers read through the entire essay and understand the message of it.

Writing Feedback / My action as the youth agent of change [2]

Amalia, right of the bat, I applaud you for coming up with a very good essay on education. It's a powerful tool that will get us somewhere and for all you know, the best leaders are always the ones that attained good if not the best education, education that can be from the four corners of a classroom or life's experience.

I will try to help out in order to enhance your already good essay, here it is;

- Education is one important keys in building a powerful nation.
- NotIt does not only improvingimprove people's knowledge,
- ...and positively in the order to be the next leaders in the future
- ...and one of the way to optimize the result of education.
- I am as a young generation and agent of change,
- I have an idea to build...
- Some researchers explain that in the teenager's age they believed..
- The strategicstrategy to implement this..

There you have it, a few remarks in order to enhance your essay, I hope it helps.

Writing Feedback / My niece has never ever changed badly and stabbed back at my shoulder. [4]

Hannan, first of all there is so much going on in the title of the essay alone, let me re-phrase it for you;

- My niece has never ever changed badly and stabbed back at my shoulder.and continues to back stabbing me.

Now, let's work on the essay;

- I love all my cousins and nieces who some of them are...
- older than me and the other's are of the same age as minewho are in thesame of my age ,
- Unusually , both of usNormally, kid's our age behave offensive and...
- indeed .Also , I could be sure about...
- Rarely ,weWe rarely have conflict's, physically or emotionally at any point in the life .
- Frankly to say , some of our friends have get envyenvious about such...

Hannan, I'm quiet puzzled with the writing style that you used in this essay or at least the way the idea flows into the article, you have a lot of words placed in different angles and most of the time they are in the wrong place.

Anyhow, I made some corrections, I hope you will follow through and keep writing.

Letters / Multi-Genre Fiction Assignment Sheet / Acceptance Letter [2]

Bluebabey, the story is actually quiet fascinating and entertaining, as I read along, I say kudos to your punctuation marks,it is rare that a writer would actually consider the importance of this little details that makes up the entire article more meaningful.

Now, I will work on the part of the story that needs enhancement;

- Carmilla does notcan't sleep,
- so waiting for the letter to arrivethis prolonged her agony and it seemed like eternity.
- About an hour passes tilland Lycia wakes up...
-..."I just knew that the both of you were going to get in! I prepared gifts."

There you have it, very minor remarks from me, the story is tastefully done and your writing style is already good.

Writing Feedback / Companies can not decisive people in giving low standard commodities just for profit. [3]

Snape, before I start with your essay, I'm quite puzzled with the title;

- Companies cannot decisivedecidepeople in giving low standard commodities to people just for profit. ( I hope this is what you mean )

Now we work on your essay:

- This a true factforin most...
- They do these things bywith special effects,...
- But they can not decisivedeceive people...
- This is a harrasementharassment for...
- Perhaps they wouln'twouldn't ( I know that this is just typo but you have to be careful ) spend..

There you have it Snape..I hope it helps enhancing your essay.

Writing Feedback / Whatever lead our dreams for better life to become a reality, is our experience. [3]

Linda, I definitely agree that experience is a very powerful driver for people to be what they want to be.
One of my dreams is to be able to help out the needy at least with my strength in the English language, so here it is;

- First, people all around the wordworld make a decision

- and act based on their interpretation

-... skills would obtain via identify their own ....

- Authors describe some theoretical issues without explaining how to fulfill some exercises successfully.

- For example, forin preparing delicious meals, the chief must try to boil,...

- BecauseAnd in practicing he would recognize his...

- Because of shaping our point of view, learning skills practically and writing effective books as ais our gift for the next generati on.

Linda, I manage to input a few remarks on your essay, I just notice a few typo errors, this are minor but it would help if you can avoid them completely, this is why proof reading your essay before posting it is very important.

Other than the ones mentioned above, your essay is good.

Keep up the good work

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Writing Feedback / There are times when it is acceptable not to tell the truth. [4]

- Furthermore, from my experience I can say that with the time..

- Sometimes it tooktakes days,

- truth haswill always been revealed and the consequences have been even worse.

- For example when I made mistakes in my childhood I tended not to talk about them to my parents.

- With the time the mistakes were getting bigger

- But it happened onceonce happened that I dated a girl whom he liked.

Michele, I agree that it is not acceptable to lie but sometimes life gets you to a particular situation where lying is the only escape, of course the consequences are inevitable but hey, people are people, human being and as much as we can we have to stay out of trouble and tell the utmost truth at all times.

Now going back to your essay, I noticed a few typo's which are minor but if you can avoid them, it will be great. Otherwise everything is great.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Writing Feedback / Governments must support financially major cities because it preserve national tradition. [2]

- First, the Government is ensuring the....

- In that way the government...

- By inWith the contact of internet, people are tendingtend to adopt western culture.

- They are forgetting their root, such as now a daysnowadays , people...

- So, they are not able to preserve their traditionIn such a case like this, people forget about their tradition needless to say it's not preserved anymore .

- The youth are taught to follow their own tradition such as to marry in traditional way, native language, festival, worship of God.

- By following the enlisted topic, in reality, preserve tradition, for instance, when two people in same country are marrying and practicing their native tradition then they will passover same tradition towards children.This sentence is just overwhelming with too much information, I will rephrase it;

In reality, to preserve ones tradition, a couple that are married sharing the same tradition will practice it and will be able to preserve it and hand it down to the next generation.

Junisha, I go through your essay, the biggest challenge was to actually understand and get the message that you want to send out to your readers.

It would help if your essay is composed in a logical order and stay in it's own form rather than jumping all over the place.

I made a few remarks and I hope it helps enhance the essay.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Writing Feedback / TOEFL : Most businesspeople are motivated only by the desire for more money. [6]

- the most logical feature he may seek is the calm and peace therepeacefulness of the environment .

- He searches for a career that is in his real interest.

- However, it was a story in a notnut shell...

Well, there you have it Houram, a few remarks from my end.

There some points I also want to suggest, proof read your essay all the time as I read a couple of typo error, this is minor but it can mean a lot to the readers, the words you choose is great it really makes the reader understand all there is that you want to send across, finally, you did a good job in coming up with a composed essay.

Good points to keep up the good job;

- being objective at all time

- keeping a clear and composed thoughts on how the essay should flow

- being able to leave something that readers can ponder

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : SEEKING ALTERNATIVE ENERGY [3]

- Natural resources are utterly important forin human's life.

-... natural resources for poweringto power up their accommodation every day.

- However, as the sources in the Earth's resources runs out of natural resources ,

-...as the Earth still has the sources which have notare yet to be explored yet such...

-...when they go out of the Earth's surface because...

-As the Mars has some kind of sourcesresources ,...

Asep, overall, your essay is good. What I notice though is the words that you use in the sentences are somehow not in the right input and space, this makes the sentence or breaks it so you have to very careful with your sentence construction.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Writing Feedback / Natural resource from Earth will run out soon - seeking for other solutions [2]

- Generally, it is inevitable that natural resources from Earth and will run out soon.

- As such, the people think that it is neededs replacement of natural resources such...

- ...others argue that humankind will face...

- For this reason, I strongly believe that this is a wrong way to be a solutionsolve ,

- and we have to seek the alternative aspect to tackle it.

-Some scientists contendcontest that natural resources such as gases,...

- It dues to Asteroids have the similar containcompound with fossil fuels in theon Earth.

- With usingthe use of asteroids,..

Alif, as I go through your essay, I'm quiet surprise on the remarks that has to be done. I remember this is not the same essay level that you do before, it seems like you need to re-write this essay as the corrections are way too many.

Now you have to review on your verbs, the form of it, sentence construction. The idea is you have to come up with an essay and start writing. Then, proof read it and see yourself as a reader, if everything is going well and minor enhancements are done, you should be good to go.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Writing Feedback / 'Money can't Buy Happiness'. Being rich gives an opportunity to give back. [3]

- ...it is just to fulfill our needs not contentment.

- First and fore most significant is that they...

- In addition,providing assitanceassistance (I know this maybe just typo but be careful ) in terms of money otor in some...

- ...also helps the nation to removealleviate poverty.

- Takes an example of Apple chief executive,Time Cook,who certaily donated his estimated $785 million fortune to charity.

- Such types of investments assist athe needy people's to fulfill their...

Jaggi, I made a few corrections and I hope you follow through that's why I didn't continue to do the whole essay. Review your linking verbs as this is what makes up the sentence, spell checker, this is very important to be turned on as small spelling mistakes does matter in the thought of the sentence, lastly know exactly which words you will use in your sentences.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Writing Feedback / TOEFL:In the busy and crowded world, we should expect people to be polite to others [2]

Lisa, after reading your essay, I grade it 4. 4 because of the following corrections that I made;

- Some contendcontest that in such busy and crowded world,

- to be less sensitive to discourteousnessbeing courteous or being respectful to one's space , in other words,

- more often than not, misbehaviormisbehavior(make sure that your spell checker is on to avoid such mistakes, they're minor but it's better not to commit any ) can..

- Rudeness, by contrast,On the contrary, rudeness, clearly displays

- - which is a doubtless, needless to say, can ruin in relationships.

- Hardly anyone liked him because they felt their esteem offended and their pride is injured when talking to him.

There you have it Lisa, a few modifications from my end. I also would like to mention that as I go through your essay, it was quite hard to connect with it, due to the fact that the words that you use in the essay are "big words", words that one will not normally use in a conversation or on a normal essay. This is very inconvenient because as a reader I want to know and understand the message that you want to convey but if I have to consult the dictionary all the time, I just lost the sense of the essay, so be careful next time.

Otherwise, it's written well.Keep up the good job.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Undergraduate / 'Who is the person you dream of becoming'; Syracuse Newhouse Common app supplement prompts [3]

- I dream of becoming a better leader, a better innovator, a better intellectualindividual ( I believe you mean "individual") .

- I dream of becoming a more cultured,...

- Of One thing I am sure, at this moment in time,...

- Yet if there is one thing I have learntlearned from these opportunities,...

- Syracuse provides some of( the subject we are talking about here is the institution that you want to be in, so they are definitely the best ) the best facilities,...

- I wasn't quite sure what it was that I was looking for when it came to...

- Syracuse's program name is 'Television, Radio and Film'. My love for television has grown to extraordinary heights in the past years.

- The ability to create stories and characters that live and evolve over the years in our homes seems,...

Qcstudent, as I made the corrections above, I feel like there's a few missing parts in your essay.
It lacks the strong will to be part of the institution, the passion is not there or at least not so evident in your essay.

I suggest you add a few more sentences, say something about your aspirations, how the filmmaker in you will be honed by the institution, how you can contribute to the film and television industry. This things should be mentioned in your essay.

Other than the one's mentioned above , the essay is written well.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Writing Feedback / Some people argue using a cleaner energy to protect the environment [4]

- With the rapid technology advance of technology ,...

- The negative effects are seemed inevitable.

- To prevent further damage to the earth's environment,

- Although current technology mightmay not be not advance enough to switch completely,

- it is prefered to use high quality energy materials that withhas less harmful impact onto the environments .

- However, people more than onethe country suffered from the consequence fromof ..

- Also California had similar air problem too.

- It may only take a few years to makedo the damage,

- but recovery would not be donewill not happen overnight.

- People learn lessons from past, and thus in numerous inventions and innovation emerged,

- encouraging people to use cleaner energy.

So there you have it Uuu, I made a few correction.
Overall, your essay is good however, you have to mind to structure of your sentence as to which part of the sentence is the best place to input your words. This will also make sure that you send your message across and will keep your ideas from jumping everywhere.

One thing that you also have to work on is the strength of your ideas, being objective at all times and making sure that research is done thoroughly before coming up with an article.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Undergraduate / Common App essay - My story of escaping persecution and moving to the USA [2]

Outlooker, I will look on this specific part of the essay, I hope it helps;

- After moving to the U.S. at the age of 15,...

- My first few months at an American public school were alien to mewas extraordinary ,...

-I am grateful everyday for the opportunity to pursue my dreams without fear of retribution for afrom religious affiliation.

- FurthermoreIn addition to this ("Furthermore", has been used too many times in the essay, so a different approach is helpful) , my maturity,..

There you have it Outlooker, as you can see there's only a few corrections because your essay is great.
Only a few remarks that will hopefully enhance your essay.

Now, since this is an essay for an application to the university, I suggest that you include some thoughts on how you would become an asset to the institution, what are your ideas that will be helpful to the academic principles of the university and for greater good.

This will help the faculty see you, not only as a student but as a citizen who is willing to devote time and energy for everybody's welfare.

Good luck.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Essays / Technology and new generation - need help with my thesis statement [3]

RCWW1, first of all, you should be able to write your own essay. Actually you're already off to a good start, being able to come up with the subject of your essay.

Now, I understand that it's rather easy to think than to write but believe me when you get into it, you will go on writing.

There's a lot of things to talk about, specially because your topic is very broad, a lot of discussion can be made.

I lined up a few guidelines for you;

- what is the cause and effect of technology in our lives

- does it out weigh the disadvantages that technology brings

- does it answer the problems that we have

- what are the ways to utilize technology to the welfare of humankind

I hope this guidelines help you.

Post your thesis and we will help enhance it.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Writing Feedback / Some people think the extra-curriculum school work and activities shall be decided by students [7]

- I agree that students should have right the to choose..

- For one thing, this decision should be within certain choices range that is offered by their school.

- ... students spend on their extra-course that preventing...

- First of all, it is not feasible to let students to decided whatever..

- For example, if there is only one student interested in taking photography class, in order to fulfill the demand, not only teacher's time, but also the equipment havethat has to investbe invested to this course.

- ImagingImagine hundreds...

- I doubt there is any school that could ...

- ..possible to help students discover theirinterested fields that interest and relax them from daily study as well.

- .. use their free right to choose what they want to take.

- ... sometimes is not because I don't like it,

- but lack the lack of motivation and right guide to do that.

- Finally, schools should control the maximum time that students spending on their extra-course.

- Certainly there would be many curriculums that are more interesting than main courses, like math or history.

- However, this choosechoice should be within certain restrainsconditions .

There you have it, UUU0301, I made a few enhancement on your essay. I hope it helps.

Also, mind your sentence construction as going through your essay, it's missing linking verbs that will completely makes more sense to the sentence.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Writing Feedback / In any situation, progress requires discussion among people who have contrasting points of view. [2]

- Discussion play an important role to find the best solution ofto any problem.

- First, Debate on any problem leads to many ways to solve them.

- Second, discussion can resolves many social issues.

- For example, we can protect wild life and our environment byin different ways .

- For instance,(you have used this phrase a few times, if it's not necessary don't place it) some will suggest that have to cut off use of automobile vehicle and some will say we should use solar energy automobile to cut off smog and to protect our environment.

- For example,In a conversation between husband and wife makes their married life successful.

- For consideration, there are many points in a couples life on which they have different opinion. But, a healthy conservation resolve their problem and makes their bond more stronger.

Anamikam, overall, your essay is good. However, a conversation and a discussion or debate is very different. Conversation is between people that highlights views and opinion however discussion or debate is for two opposing views with very strong argumentative appeal. Well, you are very objective on your essay which is very good and keep up the good work.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Speeches / Donating to a church speech [3]

Master,

First of all, you need to start the essay or the speech on your own, post it here and we will try to enhance it for you.

To give you an idea on your speech, since this speech is like a thank you message, let your speech talk about the following;

- how thankful you are of the church and it's congregation for helping you

- how you achieved you position now with their help

- how anybody can do the same as you with the help of the church

- how perseverance is the key to success

- to wish for impossible is possible

- and the power of give and take, love and understanding of each other.

We hope to see your speech.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Writing Feedback / "Can stress cause diabetes?" - essay for Newcastle University Partners [3]

Emotional stress

- Firstly , a group of sS wedish researchers collected a population sample consisting of life events from 67 patients aged 0-14.

- These life events werehave something to do with difficult adaptation and poor family function before the individuals had diabetes.

- Thus, suggesting emotional stress is certainly linkedhas certain link to diabetes.

Well, Paul as you can see I only have very minor corrections.
I understand why you feel that your essay lack some critical characteristics or like an investigative journalism but
you don't have to, all you have to do is stick to the facts you gathered, be objective all the time and it's not necessary to use big words to draw attention from your readers. However, for your essay to engaging, use medical words, this is already in some content of you essay so there's nothing to worry.

I hope to help you in your future writing.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Writing Feedback / An essay about Christian Philosophy [3]

- " The Christian-inspired pedagogy of ABC University inspires me to put God at the center of my education.

- Without revering God, we would most likelyto succumb to intellectual effrontery and pride.

- As a communication student, this requires me to use to the gift of speech responsibly.

- Like the schoolinstitution , my goal is to us the internet to help improve public awareness on pressing social issues.

- Particularly, using the social media, I will participate in the growing efforts to promote, above all, equality and justice."

I suggest adding this sentences;
Christian Philosophy is not only a belief, it's a way of life that everybody should respect if not practice. Being christian that I am, I would love to keep up and practice the morals of a christian, as they say, "practice what you preach", otherwise behave and mind your own business.

Tamaraw, as this is a short essay, it's very short, I suggest adding a few more sentences.

As I go through it, first I notice was your open quotation that you closed in the end, there's nothing wrong using this punctuation mark, however as it is called, this punctuation mark is use to quote a saying or a belief.

Overall, your essay is good. I say write more and practice.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Writing Feedback / Toefl: professors should spend more time educating rather than researching [2]

- As for a professor, who works for university, he should follow the university mottovision and contribute to the educational cause.

- Therefore, the duty to teach should be putthe utmost priority before conducting research.

- On the oneother hand, students who receive high-quality education and special guidance from professors are likely to become future leaders in various industries, including researchers, which has profound influence on the whole society.

- On the other handFurthermore , professors may also benefit from their students when exchanging ideas and get inspiration for their research.

- In conclusion, I strongly support that university professors should spend more time educating students than doing research because as a primary responsibility of professors,

- it benefits not only the university for it is a plus to theas it boost it's reputation of university ,

- but also the society for itincultivatescultivating talents to become future experts in all fields.

There you have it Lisa, I made a few corrections, I hope it helps.

Overall, it's a well written essay, just mind a few minor grammar enhancement and sentence structure.

Good luck on your TOEFL, let us know what happens next.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Writing Feedback / Young people must be encouraged and inculcated about the importance of a long-term, realistic goals. [2]

- If one starts their business or any activity after proper planning then they may achieve their goals or targets,even if not in a stipulated time.Very well

As I read through the sentence above, I'm quite confused. I suggest rephrasing or making the sentence a little bit clear.

- personalities from around the world,say for instance MR. WARREN BUFFET, MR. RATAN TATA, etc succededsucceeded in their life inand their filedsfields . Turn on your spell checker all the time.

- It was possible due to their persistancepersistence and hard work they did with planning what best they can achieve.

- Even COCOCOCA -COLA in their very first year was able to sell only a few cold-drinks but with their patience and dedication towards thier work they are now on of the biggest company to sell cold-drinks. Brand name emphasis should be capitalized and again your spelling.

- Fame and recognition all comes along our way if we are succesfulsuccessful .

- So our aim shall not be towards fame and
recognition.But there are some instances where people come with such an innovative ideas that they get fame anbdand reputation within weeks or days.

- In sum, we can say that young people must be encouraged and inculcatedtaught about the importance of long-term, realistic goals.

Rocky, I can say your essay is very rocky.
There are a lot of corrections made, a few minor one's but definitely crucial to the whole essay.

Work on your spelling, a spell checker on your computer absolutely helps, your sentence construction as well as how you chronologically organize your essay.

Well, practice writing more.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Undergraduate / 'my sense of needing to give back to the community I live in' - PEACE CORPS Motivation Statement [3]

- Whether it was rescuing them from spiders in the back of their bunk or cheering them on when they tackedthey're tackled for the first time on a windsurfing board- being there for them meant as much to me as it did to them.

-The leadership and communication skills I learned by taking care of these children and general compassion I developed for them is irreplaceable.

- I had never seen this before in the small beach town where I grew up in . I resented my naiveté, but this only strengthened my resolve to help the people surrounding me.

CarrieG, first of all, WELCOME to EssayForum, you're yet another member of the growing EF Family.

It humbles my heart that you are very passionate in helping the country by serving in the Peace Corps.
I wish you the best of luck!!!

Now, your statement or letter is well done, as you can see there's not much corrections I made and the one's I did hopefully helps.

When you write always proof read.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Undergraduate / So why would I pick the University of Texas? Simple. Because of the computer science program. [3]

KnightofGondor, WELCOME to EssayForum!!!

Let me try to help out;

- "As a homeschooled individual, I've always had a desire to learn. After all, it's what motivated me through high school, and continues tocontinued at Austin Community College. This sentence should not start with an open quote if there is no closing, otherwise it's a good sentence to start with.

- When I find a topican interesting topic , studying stops being a work, and more aboutof an enjoyment.

- I enjoy learning about the past in history, in fact I'm quite sad that there's no more history classes required offrom me.

- The other job, I want to do theis programming for a game.

- I wish to put love and passion into my work for a people to enjoy and maybe love as much as I do.

- I might not always succeed at what i'mI'm trying to accomplish, but that's okay.

Overall, I can say that the your letter is written well, I believe your off to a good start.

However, mind your linking verbs as this plays an integral part of your letter and I know that it's just typo but make sure that your subject such as, I, I'm, etc., should be written in capital letter, this is also crucial.

Before submitting your letter proof read it too.

Good luck and we would love to hear what comes out of your application.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Book Reports / 'Emily as a victim of change' - critical analysis essay of "A Rose for Emily" [3]

Ameadows, WELCOME to EssayForum, you're yet another great addition to the growing EF Family.

Now, I will try my very best to work on your critical essay;

- "A Rose for Emily" is a short story written by William Faulkner.

- Faulkner tells about how the busy body women ("busy body women", I'm not really sure what you mean by this statement) are so quick to jump to conclusions about things.

- In conclusion it appears that Emily was a victim of change.

- Faulkner had a different style of writing thenthan most authors.

- Faulkner's writes a puzzling essay that makes the reader concentrate on exactly what is being written.

Ameadows, overall your essay is good, however I cannot say that it's written well due to the following corrections;

- the subject, "Faulkner", has been mentioned all through out the essay in a sense that it is so repetitive and annoying, it's good to talk about your subject but not to the extent that it affects the thought of the essay.

- your linking verbs are not quite written in the places or spot in your sentence where they are suppose to be.

For beginners, though, you are off to a good start, I hope the corrections I made, help enhance your essay.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!