Writing Feedback / Success is to achieve one's dreams and wishes but not all successful scenarios end in happiness [3]

Szhang25, I will work on you title first, I guess if we re-phrase it, it will mean more;

- Success is to achieve one's dreams and wishes but not all successful scenarios end indreams leads to happiness

Now your essay;
- Yet not all successful scenarios end indreams leads to happiness.
- ..rose from rags to riches in anand epitomized the version of the American Dream.
- Carnegie's empire faded away with the passing of hewhen the Sherman Anti-Trust Acts got implemented .
- ..but disastrousit meant disaster for all the other companies he overshadowed.
- Entire countriesAn entire country may be plunged into tumultturmoil by success.
- The stock market crash ofin 1929 is one such example.
-...showed us that wherewhen there is success,..

Upon reading your essay, I can't help but notice that at some point you are actually talking from experience, however, I want to remind you that, when writing, you have to be objective.

Writing Feedback / Some minority languages have a risk of disappearing, it's governments responsibility to protect them [3]

Mmm, first of all, the essay is quiet short, I know you still have a lot more ideas to write.
Anyhow, I will input my remarks and follow through;

-...I believe that governments have responsibilities to savingsave languages..
- On the oneother hand,..
- thesethis will cost a large sum of money.
- On the other handcontrary ( "on the other hand", this phrase has been used in the previous paragraph, if you can, avoid using phrases multiple times) ,

- I am contented that minority languages cannot be destroyedforgotten .
- First, a language is much more than simply asimple means of communication.
- It has a vital connection with the cultural identity of people who spokespeak it.
- Therefore, if languages disappear thanthen a whole way of life will disappears with it.
- SecondNext , languages
- Everyone has their rights fortousinguse their own languages even

Mmm, I agree with you view on preserving this local dialects as how I call it, I speak about 5 local dialects from my native country and believe me, I'm more proud in knowing this languages than telling people that I speak 2 or more international languages, why?, Simply because I also want to teach the next generation about this dialects.

With my remarks on your essay, I hope it helped a little bit.

Writing Feedback / Tuition fees in universities are beneficial for both the individuals and the society as a whole. [3]

- However, I do not agree with this point of view, becausethat this can..
-...especiallyit will becomeit isa source...
- because apart from itthe tuition that they have to shoulder , they also have to..
- it is common knowledge that when young teenagers are grown up to 18 years old already , they..
- Therefore, tuition fees mustmay put a heavier..
- First , Graduates have a tendency to earn good salaries..
- Besides, in many EuropeEuropean countries,
- to attract oremore ( be careful of typo errors) students.

Thao, overall, the essay you wrote is good. The only observation that I have is your lack of logic on the essay, when you are writing the body of the letter and you need to point another argument or point you have to give importance to it by making a new paragraph, this way you can make your point matter to your readers.

Undergraduate / USNA Candidate essay - to achieve my dreams of serving in the navy [3]

- Growing up with Nepali parents of Nepali descent who..
- devote my life and to onebe of service.
- Academies foe servicemenservice academies challenge their students...
- ...the navy and reaching my ultimate goal of securing this countryto render my devotion to security for the greater good of my country .

Candidate, your essay is lacking a few more paragraphs that will tell the admissions officer that you are fit for the academy and the mission that they live by. I understand your undeniable love and patriotism to your country however the academy will need more than physical strength and drive in order to see you fit for the institution. They require utmost intelligence too, discipline, and the willingness to learn and continue spreading the word about security, unity and loyalty to the nation that never waver to welcome you with open arms.

I suggest that you research and study the mission and vision of the academy, the rules they live by and the qualifications that they require to consider you in the pact. Good luck.

Writing Feedback / "Is it possible for a society to be fair to everyone?" June 2013 [5]

- AThe tendency to prejudge
- At the other sideOn the other hand , most..
- DemoctraticDemocratic ( typo error but avoid it if you can ) societies were unfair to minorities,
- not to mention, other societies where hunger, illiteracy and social strife is a common place.
- DuringFor more decades, society was unfair..
- AtIn this context, I can also point, also, to my experience.
- ...which is unfair but it's our life and noneno one can escape from human tragedy.

Well, my goal in giving the inputs above is to somehow refine your essay. It is well written, however there are a few remarks that I notice and I hope it refines the essay. Just to share with you, life is taking shape the way a person want it to be, it's a matter of choice and choice always work hand in hand with life's consequences. The only thing that we can do is to follow the golden rule, DON'T DO UNTO OTHERS WHAT YOU DO NOT WANT OTHERS DO UNTO YOU.

Writing Feedback / Many machines are now able to do the work which people used to perform, advantages an disadvantages? [4]

Tinytin, the first paragraph of your essay already tells a reader what they can expect, which is a very good sign that you are a good writer however this also leaves no thrill to the reader. Well, you cannot please everyone, so let me help you enhance it;

- ...paper works at the office, medical checking in hospital,etc....(never leave continues periods, use "etc" instead) are done by electronic machines,
- Secondly, machines works more effectively than human does .
- ..their products always stay the same asfrom the beginning.
- Electronic devices, however, are created by human so it is impossible to say that human can..
- ...we should weigh upthe pros and cons so that it would brings us advantages only.

There you have it, a little help from my end. I just want to add that machines are indeed a great addition to human life, it makes everything seem easy, consistent and fast, this means more time to enjoy life for humans and just like any other things, when used excessively, machines can be really bad.

Book Reports / Gender roles, deception, Gatsby/Daisy and Hamlet/Ophelia - The Great Gatsby VS Shakespeare's Hamlet [3]

Kaay, I agree with Icturn87, your essay is very similar to an outline. Well, if this is what your paper is asking then this is a well written outline.

It differentiates the two subjects and what makes it even more interesting is that you nailed the difference between the two characters.
However, I have some concerns listed below;

- the logic of differentiation like why are we citing the differences, this should be the first paragraph
- the links between one contrary fact to the other
- the roles that each characters play
- players of the role
- the general argument that each of the roles are playing
- how each character are played
- and how the characters be very deceiving

I hope you will follow thru this guidelines, it should help at least a little bit.

Graduate / An Indian dentist - Personal statement for MPH admission. [3]

- One aA mong them was Public Health Dentistry,
- whichwhere we learnt about epidemiology,
- The last year ( ??? - "the last year----of what, of the charity or of your school?) made me see a change in my perspective.
- I understand that onupon completion of this program I will be better equipped to help organize my actions that can make a bigger impact on health.

- ..should be privyknowledgeable ( I know you wanted to use big words but if this will not keep a clear intention or will not transcend your message then stick to the usual words) to..

- designing solutions and eventually complete preventiona program to preventof health related issues.
- I look forward to the discussionan exchange of ideas and well oriented learning that I will be doing at ~~~~.

Papsi, I was reading your admission letter as an admissions officer, you know what I found out?, I found out that you genuinely care about health in general and not just your choice of course which is dentistry. This shows that you will strive for that goal to make a difference.

Now, let's talk about your letter, I don't find it very strong and so I made a few corrections, on top of this I believe the letter only talked about you, your goals, aspirations and your can - do attitude which is good, however, what about the things that you can contribute to the institution, let's say you get in, what are the things or programs that you wish to create or join in so that you can be an asset to the institution. Think about this and maybe you can add it to strengthen your letter.

Book Reports / The Merchant Of Venice - Shylock emerges as a blood-thirsty and vindictive man. [2]

- 'The Merchant Of Venice' focuses uponis focused on the relationship between
- Firstly , Shylock learns about his daughter
- SecondlyNext , Shylock shows the audience
- ..or whether is( this is just typo but you have to be careful, make sure that you proof read in order to avoid such case) he is just an innocent man,..

- ..as he takes advantage of the situation to implicate exact revenge on the Christians.
- ...focusing only on the prosecutionprosecuting and killing of Antonio.
- ..Shylock's true character and identity areis revealed,
- In contrastOn the contrary , many may view..

Simon, honestly, I haven't read or seen a play of "The merchant of Venice" and reading your essay, I made corrections following grammar standards and to help a little bit.

The essay is written well as you can see there are only very few and minor remarks made, I believe when you write your next one it will be much better.

Essays / Need help with my outline for my car pollution paper [3]

Unknowne7456, the paper you are about to write is indeed a huge task, simply because it deals with one of the biggest issue that the world is facing, POLLUTION. Having said that, it is also one of the most interesting topic to write and believe me you will love it as soon as you start it.

So, here's a few guidelines you can use to get started;

- what is pollution
- what are the kinds of pollution
- what is car pollution
- how do you determine if a car is a contributor to the pollution
- how can you prevent this from happening
- what are the consequences when one is penalize with such action

This guidelines should get you a few sheets to write, when you're done post it here so we can help you further.

Writing Feedback / GRE Analyse an Issue. Scandals are unfair and inefective. Instead, promote changes by debate. [3]

- Cases of corruption should be judged by investigation and trial, without the interference of the public opinion.
- ..because the damage ofin reputation is already done
- ..and was revealed that an equivalenceequivalent of billions..
- National newspapers and TV had already judged the prosecuteddefendants without the
- whole evidence being available, and motivated by the public opinion to condemn...
- ...we see many public personsofficials are having their intimate..
- Cases of marital infidelity and involvement with drugs consumption are common,..
- ..unfair to individuals and aggregatesaggravates nothing in the reform of a society.

Joa, your analysis is written well and you remained objective through out the whole essay, that is one thing that some writers actually forget, of course when writing, you have to put your heart and soul but you have to remain objective.

I made a few corrections that will hopefully enhance your analysis and yes I agree that the press, media, TV personnel or whatever they are called need to be responsible enough to know what is good and bad publicity but regardless of what kind of publicity it may be, if it's for TV, they definitely go for it.

Writing Feedback / Should we live a simpler life without technology? [2]

- To some people, the recent booms in the...
-... therebyhereby sufficegive my personal feeling.
- For an example, exhaust emitted from cars'(you don't need an apostrophe on the word "cars") engines
- ..which consequently, results in overis a result of the packaging and excessive wastes
- being disposed andor discharged to localthe ecosystems.
- For instance,A good example of this is when modern technologies have made it possible tofor - ..wave and solar energy ( in some cases you have to indicate a clear subject, don't assume that your readers get your message in the first place ) that we..

- What is moreMoreover , advancements in the...

I definitely agree with your conclusion, technology in itself helped us a lot and it continues to teach us how and why we should use them.

One way or another, it's all up to human beings, we as the most powerful mammal in the chain should use technology for whatever purpose it may serve as best.

Essays / Discuss the development of myocardial infarction; an opening line [6]

Crwdzi, an opening line to your topic and the topic itself is challenging already.
However, as a writer there is no such thing as difficult unless you tried it. So, I come up with a few points that you can make in order to start your discussion.

- extensive research on myocardial infraction
- what is myocardial infraction?
- what are the signs when it is tagged as infraction
- signs and symptoms
- how does myocardial infraction develop
- what are the preventive measures
- how to integrate this development to the medical world

There you have it, this pointers should be able to guide you to have a meaningful discussion regarding the topic.
When you're done, post it here and we will do the rest.

Writing Feedback / Technology is not foster our business only but also make people's daily life easier. [5]

- This isIt's modernized era where we are at .
- Many scientific inventions have been invented...
- I'mcan not convince that we can spend our life without technology because of the following reasons.
- People can know breaking news immediately even it happened in Asia or Europe.
- Internet is only one of the most economicalbest way for communicating with our belovedlove ones .
- In the second placenote ( "second place" is use to refer to competition winners and not to your opinion) ,
- business companies with automated technology are making more profit as compared to company with manual technology.
- Company'sdo notdon't need more staff to complete the product.
- ...so that they are getting more orders from their customers.
- In the third placeNext, , no one can foster his/
-Today most of the reputedreputable companies are selling their product mainly bythrough the internet.
- They have huge amount of customer in the internet.
- Mostly, urban people have no time for shopping so that they prefer online shopping.
- In conclusion, technology isdoes not foster our business only but also make people's daily life easier.
- So that,Now we can notit is hard for anyone to imagine our liveslife without technology in this twenty first century.

Madanoli, as you can see, the corrections I made are quiet a lot this is because the essay you made is not written in the manner that one can very well comprehend with the message that you are trying to make. I suggest you follow through and practice writing more.

Essays / Struggling with thesis statement/topic sentences/conclusion; American Studies student [3]

Topic sentence 2:
- Society drillsgrills young people to go to college and
- graduate summa cum laudewith honors in order them not to live on the street,
- the Grand Budapest Hotel is a counterexampleabsolutely a contrary and illustrates...

Conclusion:
- The Grand Budapest Hotel is highly recommendablerecommended .
- It is a paragon of society as it highlights that strong contacts are an important to factor for a successful life,
- at the same breathtime it gives society a wipewhip and proofs..

Heyiamj, I can't remember how many time I watched this movie and believe me, the more I watch it, the more it make sense, it's one of those movies that I will not get tired of watching. The story is very strong and it drives the inner self in you to strive and not to give up in life, it makes you realize that life is a constant struggle and a rewarding chapter is always the end.

Your thesis is good enough to start with however I suggest that along with watching the movie, you also need to research on history, Germany, Budapest and Europe in general, then you integrate your research with the movie. I bet that will be a fantastic and commendable thesis.

Writing Feedback / Are countries with a long average working time more economically successful? [4]

- Many people wrongly believe thatare confused with a long average
- working time that is directly tied to a nation's economic prosperity.
- From my perspective, overtime work is more likely to negatively impactnegatively
- To lengthenLengthening the duration of hours per employee
- isdoes not necessarily improve the productivity rate of labour .
- Hence, a long average working time is associated withto diminished output.
- Instead of increasing working hours, some essential factors oftodrivingdrive a successful
- have helped to increase performance in producing goods,

Tiffany, I definitely agree that longer hours does not necessarily factor in the success in one's economic boom, the manpower should be effective and efficient, this is what drives the nation's economy.

I hope my remarks help a little bit.

Graduate / The Curriculum of Masters of Science in Analytics is something which is tailor made for me [3]

Let's start with your title;
- The Curriculum of Masters ofin Science in and Analytics is something whichthat is tailoredmade for someone like me.

Now the body;
- Making my parents feel proud of me was on my top priority as I never did even once in my schoolingdid even once back in the day .

- I started to be a freelance programmer as early as the end of second year.
- InOn my third year,
- I just wanted to have some professional work..
- But I would like to assure you that every lecture whichthat I attended in my college,
- it to the real world scenario every time I learntlearned .

Teja, you have a very impressive line of expertise, I mean I can't even cope up once virus appears on my laptop and yet you want to further your career and tackle more analytic challenges, good for you.

The remarks I made might help, I just want to remind you that in writing you have to mind your verb forms and linking verbs that will make your essay mean more to your readers.

Undergraduate / Naval Academy Senator letter [3]

- I believe that my contagious fervorundying commitment in ( I choose this words because "contagious" seemed like a negative word like "contagious disease", it's up to you to decide)for helping others,

- Acceptance into the Naval Academy wouldwill not
- only allow me to grow as a servant of menmankind ,
- but also will guide me forward
- in my unselfish service and devotion to thegreater welfare of others .
- ...challenging for me andthan most other candidates.
- I am dedicated to a career in the naval service
- and will proudly accept any opportunity that the Navy would
- graciously offer me while holding service above selfanything else .

Ryan, I made a few additions on your letter, hopefully it enhances it.
Aside from the additions that I made I would also like to note that the letter lacks a few information about yourself, your achievements and how this achievements will help you in serving and holding such responsibility in the military.

Essays / Literary analysis on The Scarlet Letter and how the seven deadly sins are demonstrated. [3]

Well, Airfrm, the Scarlet letter to read is quiet challenging already and to write an analysis is I guess will turn my world 360 degrees.
However, I believe this pointers will be able to lighten up your senses;

- what is the story all about
- the climax or the story tells us about what?
- what is the whole plot of the story
- if you were to write the ending of the story what will it be
- should you be changing the role of the main character what role will it be
- how does this letter matter to our daily life
- or can we implement anything from the book to our daily life
- In conclusion, should you be the main character, would you do a different game and plot
- if so, how are you going to do it?

This are only a few ideas that will help you in coming up with a strong analysis, when you're done, post it here so we can assist you further.

Book Reports / "Feigning Madness" - Why Hamlet is Sane? "things are not always what they seem" [2]

- ...as well as the characters in the novels.
- ..who later re- marries to his mother,

3rd paragraph:
- ..he thinks about how ifit is if he kills him at this very
- Therefore Hamlet is completely sane, due to the fact that he hasthere is logic behind his actions.

Final paragraph:
The final paragraph has absolutely summed up all the justification that the essay is asking for, good job on that.
I can say the logic and the flow of the final input is what the essay needs in order to close it gracefully.

Now, overall, the essay is written well, all the elements is are working just in the right place where they are supposed to be.
I believe your inputs on Hamlet definitely helps any reader to understand the novel better and start reading more of Shakespeare's novels.
I only had a few reads of his novels and I must say, it's quiet hard to comprehend in the beginning but when you catch the idea and his writing style, it definitely is a magical piece of writing.

Writing Feedback / Choosing friends; having mates who are similar or different from you have both its good points TOEFL [2]

- In every part of lifetime,
- you couldcan talk about everything,
- people rather than the other ones.
- ..had to spend times together and have fun.
-.. and private secrets of mine.
- We were from the same town
- and same elementary school and we had common interest in movies in common .
- In shorta nut shell , having..

Eegii012, I made some corrections that can hopefully enhance your essay.
As I read through, I notice that you miss a lot of your verbs, linking verbs in particular and also you need to be careful on putting your words on the right place in your sentences because this will make or break the sentence.

Undergraduate / Among the Very Few; Why do you wish to participate in Semester at Sea as a gap year student? [2]

- Voyaging A voyage around the world on a ship..
- I dream to see new partsthe other of the
- world throughwith my own two eyes.
- ..serving people offrom different tribes, tongues(I'm not sure what you mean by different "tongue") ,
- ..liberal arts onin Maui where
- to majormajoring in missionary aviation.
- Very few people get to say that their journey of a lifetime aboard the ship contributed to and..

There you have it Michael, I made some corrections, I also made a few years at sea and yes it is indeed very rewarding. Good luck.

Writing Feedback / (GRE Argument) a memo from the director of student housing at Buckingham College [2]

-..will constantly be increasingincrease in the future.
-..enrollment increase does not necessarily increase the demand
- UselessSome (you cannot say "useless students", just because they don't board the school housing) students
- ..of rental rates will continues in the future.
- ..they have an alternative of taking up
-.. a way to lightenalleviate financial burden of the rent.
- Without ruling out other plausible scenarios, the dean cannot justify his argument.
- would attract perspectiveprospect students to the college might be unwarranted.
- ..dormitory would have morea little more effect on..
-.. attracting perspective studentspotential tenants than the dean expected.
- In sumconclusion ( "In sum", doesn't really compliment your well written argument) ,
- ..will continue in the further, leading to the increase of demand for dormitory hosinghousing ( typo but be careful) .

Jyh, this is a well written argument and you clearly made your point, KUDOS to you!!!
I made a few remarks, most of it are minor such as your linking verbs, as I mentioned they are minor but if we don't avoid it, it can spell disaster.

Essays / Research for Reservoir Engineering - topics choices [4]

Vagif, I agree with ChristineB, the pointers that she gave will definitely give you a good start in this research paper.
As the writing implies, this is a research paper so you have to do an extensive research in Reservoir Eng.
There are a few pointers I want to add;

- You have to define your research title
- the pros and cons
- the significance of the study
- the future of the field or industry
- the greater good and the economic effect in general
- in conclusion, cite a generic or overall engineering perspective of the research

I hope to see your essay, post it here so we can help you further.

Writing Feedback / A comparison of five groups activities of Australian kids 5 -14 years old spent their leisure time [3]

- It is clearly shown fromin the graph that 100 %
- of both boys and girls underin the survey

Ruacon, first of all you don't tag, "Overall", to an analysis that just started, this is suppose to be on the last part or when you wrap up the article.

It would also help if you post the graph or the chart, this will help us to give inputs in your writing.

Overall, the analysis is good, you made a point in comparing the given numbers and was able to come up with a complete report.

Writing Feedback / "The roots of education are bitter but the fruit is sweet."; Commitment to service [3]

- Plenty a night I spent plenty nights crying over
- She looked myme in the eyes
- ...and you continue not to comeasking for help.
- ..became more active vocally , and..
- and shared knowledge.
- What followed and continuescontinuedto follow is a long

Ilovemonkeys, I'm all in, I agree to what Aristotle said and it is indeed bitter in the beginning but hey, not far is a bright future that will definitely pay off all that it took to be where you want to be. I believe everybody have struggled at one point in their life, it's what they call "spice" that makes life utterly sumptuous and worth digging. In the end you reap what you sow.

Undergraduate / Selflessness - I hope I would make my papa proud. Common Application [4]

- ..if not for me thanat least for my family.
- ..it doesn'tno matter whether they were
- As I envisageenvisioned my plans to...

Dam, I know wherever your papa is he is so proud of you, you have grown into a loving and caring person and that alone will make him very proud of you.

On your essay, I made a few remarks, I believe you want to add big words into our essay like, "envisage", which is good, however, you don't want your readers to be flipping on the dictionary in order to understand that part of the article, as much as it hurts, it would be good to stick to the words that will keep your readers read through the entire essay and understand the message of it.

Writing Feedback / My action as the youth agent of change [2]

Amalia, right of the bat, I applaud you for coming up with a very good essay on education. It's a powerful tool that will get us somewhere and for all you know, the best leaders are always the ones that attained good if not the best education, education that can be from the four corners of a classroom or life's experience.

I will try to help out in order to enhance your already good essay, here it is;

- Education is one important keys in building a powerful nation.
- NotIt does not only improvingimprove people's knowledge,
- ...and positively in the order to be the next leaders in the future
- ...and one of the way to optimize the result of education.
- I am as a young generation and agent of change,
- I have an idea to build...
- Some researchers explain that in the teenager's age they believed..
- The strategicstrategy to implement this..

There you have it, a few remarks in order to enhance your essay, I hope it helps.

Writing Feedback / My niece has never ever changed badly and stabbed back at my shoulder. [4]

Hannan, first of all there is so much going on in the title of the essay alone, let me re-phrase it for you;

- My niece has never ever changed badly and stabbed back at my shoulder.and continues to back stabbing me.

Now, let's work on the essay;

- I love all my cousins and nieces who some of them are...
- older than me and the other's are of the same age as minewho are in thesame of my age ,
- Unusually , both of usNormally, kid's our age behave offensive and...
- indeed .Also , I could be sure about...
- Rarely ,weWe rarely have conflict's, physically or emotionally at any point in the life .
- Frankly to say , some of our friends have get envyenvious about such...

Hannan, I'm quiet puzzled with the writing style that you used in this essay or at least the way the idea flows into the article, you have a lot of words placed in different angles and most of the time they are in the wrong place.

Anyhow, I made some corrections, I hope you will follow through and keep writing.

Letters / Multi-Genre Fiction Assignment Sheet / Acceptance Letter [2]

Bluebabey, the story is actually quiet fascinating and entertaining, as I read along, I say kudos to your punctuation marks,it is rare that a writer would actually consider the importance of this little details that makes up the entire article more meaningful.

Now, I will work on the part of the story that needs enhancement;

- Carmilla does notcan't sleep,
- so waiting for the letter to arrivethis prolonged her agony and it seemed like eternity.
- About an hour passes tilland Lycia wakes up...
-..."I just knew that the both of you were going to get in! I prepared gifts."

There you have it, very minor remarks from me, the story is tastefully done and your writing style is already good.

Writing Feedback / Companies can not decisive people in giving low standard commodities just for profit. [3]

Snape, before I start with your essay, I'm quite puzzled with the title;

- Companies cannot decisivedecidepeople in giving low standard commodities to people just for profit. ( I hope this is what you mean )

Now we work on your essay:

- This a true factforin most...
- They do these things bywith special effects,...
- But they can not decisivedeceive people...
- This is a harrasementharassment for...
- Perhaps they wouln'twouldn't ( I know that this is just typo but you have to be careful ) spend..

There you have it Snape..I hope it helps enhancing your essay.

Writing Feedback / Whatever lead our dreams for better life to become a reality, is our experience. [3]

Linda, I definitely agree that experience is a very powerful driver for people to be what they want to be.
One of my dreams is to be able to help out the needy at least with my strength in the English language, so here it is;

- First, people all around the wordworld make a decision

- and act based on their interpretation

-... skills would obtain via identify their own ....

- Authors describe some theoretical issues without explaining how to fulfill some exercises successfully.

- For example, forin preparing delicious meals, the chief must try to boil,...

- BecauseAnd in practicing he would recognize his...

- Because of shaping our point of view, learning skills practically and writing effective books as ais our gift for the next generati on.

Linda, I manage to input a few remarks on your essay, I just notice a few typo errors, this are minor but it would help if you can avoid them completely, this is why proof reading your essay before posting it is very important.

Other than the ones mentioned above, your essay is good.

Keep up the good work

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Writing Feedback / There are times when it is acceptable not to tell the truth. [4]

- Furthermore, from my experience I can say that with the time..

- Sometimes it tooktakes days,

- truth haswill always been revealed and the consequences have been even worse.

- For example when I made mistakes in my childhood I tended not to talk about them to my parents.

- With the time the mistakes were getting bigger

- But it happened onceonce happened that I dated a girl whom he liked.

Michele, I agree that it is not acceptable to lie but sometimes life gets you to a particular situation where lying is the only escape, of course the consequences are inevitable but hey, people are people, human being and as much as we can we have to stay out of trouble and tell the utmost truth at all times.

Now going back to your essay, I noticed a few typo's which are minor but if you can avoid them, it will be great. Otherwise everything is great.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Writing Feedback / Governments must support financially major cities because it preserve national tradition. [2]

- First, the Government is ensuring the....

- In that way the government...

- By inWith the contact of internet, people are tendingtend to adopt western culture.

- They are forgetting their root, such as now a daysnowadays , people...

- So, they are not able to preserve their traditionIn such a case like this, people forget about their tradition needless to say it's not preserved anymore .

- The youth are taught to follow their own tradition such as to marry in traditional way, native language, festival, worship of God.

- By following the enlisted topic, in reality, preserve tradition, for instance, when two people in same country are marrying and practicing their native tradition then they will passover same tradition towards children.This sentence is just overwhelming with too much information, I will rephrase it;

In reality, to preserve ones tradition, a couple that are married sharing the same tradition will practice it and will be able to preserve it and hand it down to the next generation.

Junisha, I go through your essay, the biggest challenge was to actually understand and get the message that you want to send out to your readers.

It would help if your essay is composed in a logical order and stay in it's own form rather than jumping all over the place.

I made a few remarks and I hope it helps enhance the essay.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Writing Feedback / TOEFL : Most businesspeople are motivated only by the desire for more money. [6]

- the most logical feature he may seek is the calm and peace therepeacefulness of the environment .

- He searches for a career that is in his real interest.

- However, it was a story in a notnut shell...

Well, there you have it Houram, a few remarks from my end.

There some points I also want to suggest, proof read your essay all the time as I read a couple of typo error, this is minor but it can mean a lot to the readers, the words you choose is great it really makes the reader understand all there is that you want to send across, finally, you did a good job in coming up with a composed essay.

Good points to keep up the good job;

- being objective at all time

- keeping a clear and composed thoughts on how the essay should flow

- being able to leave something that readers can ponder

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : SEEKING ALTERNATIVE ENERGY [3]

- Natural resources are utterly important forin human's life.

-... natural resources for poweringto power up their accommodation every day.

- However, as the sources in the Earth's resources runs out of natural resources ,

-...as the Earth still has the sources which have notare yet to be explored yet such...

-...when they go out of the Earth's surface because...

-As the Mars has some kind of sourcesresources ,...

Asep, overall, your essay is good. What I notice though is the words that you use in the sentences are somehow not in the right input and space, this makes the sentence or breaks it so you have to very careful with your sentence construction.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Writing Feedback / Natural resource from Earth will run out soon - seeking for other solutions [2]

- Generally, it is inevitable that natural resources from Earth and will run out soon.

- As such, the people think that it is neededs replacement of natural resources such...

- ...others argue that humankind will face...

- For this reason, I strongly believe that this is a wrong way to be a solutionsolve ,

- and we have to seek the alternative aspect to tackle it.

-Some scientists contendcontest that natural resources such as gases,...

- It dues to Asteroids have the similar containcompound with fossil fuels in theon Earth.

- With usingthe use of asteroids,..

Alif, as I go through your essay, I'm quiet surprise on the remarks that has to be done. I remember this is not the same essay level that you do before, it seems like you need to re-write this essay as the corrections are way too many.

Now you have to review on your verbs, the form of it, sentence construction. The idea is you have to come up with an essay and start writing. Then, proof read it and see yourself as a reader, if everything is going well and minor enhancements are done, you should be good to go.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Writing Feedback / 'Money can't Buy Happiness'. Being rich gives an opportunity to give back. [3]

- ...it is just to fulfill our needs not contentment.

- First and fore most significant is that they...

- In addition,providing assitanceassistance (I know this maybe just typo but be careful ) in terms of money otor in some...

- ...also helps the nation to removealleviate poverty.

- Takes an example of Apple chief executive,Time Cook,who certaily donated his estimated $785 million fortune to charity.

- Such types of investments assist athe needy people's to fulfill their...

Jaggi, I made a few corrections and I hope you follow through that's why I didn't continue to do the whole essay. Review your linking verbs as this is what makes up the sentence, spell checker, this is very important to be turned on as small spelling mistakes does matter in the thought of the sentence, lastly know exactly which words you will use in your sentences.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Writing Feedback / TOEFL:In the busy and crowded world, we should expect people to be polite to others [2]

Lisa, after reading your essay, I grade it 4. 4 because of the following corrections that I made;

- Some contendcontest that in such busy and crowded world,

- to be less sensitive to discourteousnessbeing courteous or being respectful to one's space , in other words,

- more often than not, misbehaviormisbehavior(make sure that your spell checker is on to avoid such mistakes, they're minor but it's better not to commit any ) can..

- Rudeness, by contrast,On the contrary, rudeness, clearly displays

- - which is a doubtless, needless to say, can ruin in relationships.

- Hardly anyone liked him because they felt their esteem offended and their pride is injured when talking to him.

There you have it Lisa, a few modifications from my end. I also would like to mention that as I go through your essay, it was quite hard to connect with it, due to the fact that the words that you use in the essay are "big words", words that one will not normally use in a conversation or on a normal essay. This is very inconvenient because as a reader I want to know and understand the message that you want to convey but if I have to consult the dictionary all the time, I just lost the sense of the essay, so be careful next time.

Otherwise, it's written well.Keep up the good job.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

Undergraduate / 'Who is the person you dream of becoming'; Syracuse Newhouse Common app supplement prompts [3]

- I dream of becoming a better leader, a better innovator, a better intellectualindividual ( I believe you mean "individual") .

- I dream of becoming a more cultured,...

- Of One thing I am sure, at this moment in time,...

- Yet if there is one thing I have learntlearned from these opportunities,...

- Syracuse provides some of( the subject we are talking about here is the institution that you want to be in, so they are definitely the best ) the best facilities,...

- I wasn't quite sure what it was that I was looking for when it came to...

- Syracuse's program name is 'Television, Radio and Film'. My love for television has grown to extraordinary heights in the past years.

- The ability to create stories and characters that live and evolve over the years in our homes seems,...

Qcstudent, as I made the corrections above, I feel like there's a few missing parts in your essay.
It lacks the strong will to be part of the institution, the passion is not there or at least not so evident in your essay.

I suggest you add a few more sentences, say something about your aspirations, how the filmmaker in you will be honed by the institution, how you can contribute to the film and television industry. This things should be mentioned in your essay.

Other than the one's mentioned above , the essay is written well.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!