Dissertations / need thesis topic for Mphil computer science.. efffective ideas.. [8]

It has to be something new. You can easily find a list of thesis topics by googling this: computer science, thesis topics, list

But those are OTHER people's topics. They have already been done. I think you should look at 1 article that interests you, and look at the LITERATURE REVIEW. Make sure this article has a lit review, and make sure it was written in the past year or two. 2010 or 2011...

The lit review will explain to you all the recent research that has been done in a particular area of comp sci. That is an ongoing discussion, and it is time for YOU to contribute to the discussion.

:-)

Read that literature review 5 times, and then go find one of the articles cited in it, and read the lit review in THAT article. Take some notes, and come up with your idea. No one is better able to do this than you; we all have to start by reading the lit reviews.

Scholarship / Question On an Approach to a Leadership Based Scholarship Essay [2]

It can be great if it is good writing. You can answer with an anecdote. Some questions require an anecdote, so use the one that expresses the CONCEPT that makes you choose the field you are entering and THIS particular program.

We want the scholarship person to know that you are a deep thinker. Because of the nature of the question, the reader will be identifying with the idea of deep thinking. Give a story that shows how deep you have gone in your consideration of the options and your talents, and... make sure your story/answer carries one PROFOUND idea, the idea that is worth writing about. It is the single idea that compels you to enter your chosen field, and it is inspiring you to already make time to work toward achieving what is most important to you.

Graduate / The main features and how to write the Letter of intent? [4]

You will have an idea when you think about it from the perspective of the reader. I tell people this all the time: 8 out of 10 people do not really have a plan. Ask them if they have a plan, and they will tell you something very general... but they do not really have short term goals.

You personal statement should express a plan you have, a mission you are on. It will be as unique as you are, and if it is not unique... well, I guess YOU are not unique! :-) But I bet you are. The reader will be impressed with the applicants who have great ideas about NEW INNOVATIONS they want to make, or some concept that is important to them. You need short term goals.

So imagine you are running for president. They ask you what your plan is. Make a statement about your plan.

And if you have no plan, you should go read an article that interests you! Keep reading one article each day until you have a plan for your career. :-)

Dissertations / (PhD topic) applying knowledge management in construction industry? [2]

That's a good start. Now I want to know what the other people (who share your interests) are writing about these days. I am not knowledgeable about your topics, but I can tell you that a conversation is taking place, and you need to contribute. The idea is to look at what is happening in the construction industry and see what problems are interfering with cost-effectiveness, safety, competitiveness, and so forth. If you want to write a good dissertation, you need to find a good problem to solve.

I challenge you to look in professional journals about these topics, and write one paragraph about the MAIN IDEA being expressed by each author whose work interests you. That is where it begins. Write 1 paragraph to explain the main idea of 1 article.

Do that for about 20 articles, and you might be ready to apply your knowledge to solve some current problem. :-)

Undergraduate / "whatever decision I make with my co-members" - extracurricular activities or work [21]


No Kate, it is sabotage. You obviously have strong command of English, and you use that strength the way the big kid uses his strength as a playground bully. You indulge in a masturbatory, indulgent act that you rationalize by pretending to think you are helping. But you know the essayist is not just going to read your comment and edit know how to write brilliantly. It's easy to criticize; it's hard to do it with some finesse.

People are bearing their naked souls here for all to criticize. I see that you have not posted any essays, though! If you post an essay, somebody might sabotage your confidence!

This has since created a platform----In formal writing or any writing that you want to be super impressive, a good rule to use is: Always make sure a noun comes after the word "this."

This circumstance has since...

These experiences have motivated me to thrive strive for the best and...

Undergraduate / 'The field of dentistry' - UVA career possibility relation to course of study [5]


Oh... that means it does not have the energy of inspiration. When you feel that inspired feeling well up in you, the chill up your spine, it is as though anything you write will be great. But if you try to write when you are not inspired it is difficult and unsuccessful.

The evolution of science is dependent upon the improvement of procedures and methods. ---I changed a word here.

Over the years of my life, I have accumulated a great interest toward the field of science. You used too many words to express an idea that does not even need to be expressed here...

The unique traits of solutions and the and complex chemical reactions within the human bodies have always marveled fascinated me. These This obsession with biological science drew me to the discipline of biochemistry. (Now add a thesis sentence at the end of the first paragraph. Let it be a sentence that expresses the main concept of the essay, the concept you want the reader to remember, the concept that is worth writing about. Express it in a sentence! :-)

I like that last paragraph!

Rajiv, I agree, Kate is mean!! lol

Scholarship / 'My grandparents' - Persons who has influenced me--national merit scholarship essay [3]

"Up north" is general, and if you replace it with something more specific it will be more hypnotic to the reader. The hypnosis happens when the reader is entranced by the details.


I don't really like this as the last sentence of the first paragraph. The first paragraph has to end with a sentence that plants a very interesting idea in the reader's mind. "Amazing" is general, like "up north." Know what I mean? But if you said resilient people, or singleminded people, or anything that carries a specific concept... do you know what I mean? The ESSAY has to express a particular concept to the reader. "Amazing" is not specific enough...

Great use of the word zoom. :-)

Okay, and here you call them admirable people at the end. See how the concept expressed in the essay is too general? You can dig deeper, and try to see what it is that makes them amazing and admirable. What is it that they know that I don't know. They must know something that makes them this way. :^)

Writing Feedback / Good healt care - honours college UH write a research paper with a central thesis [2]

I come from a developing country in Africa, and every day I see people die.---I added the conjunction AND.

In an interview with a resident doctor of a public hospital she said the large amount of deaths was ...---This sentence is CORRECT but it can sound incorrect to some readers. You might improve it with some brevity. Brevity always helps: "...said that many a large amount deaths were...

This led me to believe that healthcare is very important to the development of an economy.----Good, but you can write this in a better way. Instead of "led me to believe," you can say what you really mean, which is that it gave you a revelation -- an important insight. :-)

(Begin this paragraph with a PARAGRAPH TOPIC SENTENCE that gives the main idea of the paragraph.) Health care can be said to be the diagnosis, treatment and prevention of diseases, illness and other physical and mental impairments in humans (Cite the source of this definition). Economic growth refers to the steady process by which the productive capacity of the economy is increased over time to bring about rising levels of national output and income (cite a source). It is measured by the

Take out extra words whenever you can:
The way in which health affects individual ...

:-)

Research Papers / Nuclear Power Research Paper Help [3]

"There is still concern over nuclear power causing cancer... --This sentence on the second page has a type. You included the word "there" one too many times, I think.

It's very good writing, though! However, we generally do not comment on essays posted on external websites, so this is just a one-time message ;).

The intro is very strong! And you did a good job by immediately mentioning Fukushima, because that is what EVERY reader thinks of when they begin to read this essay! BUT that thesis sentence at the end of the first paragraph is weak.

You must think the sentence at the end of the first paragraph is to "state the main idea," which IS correct, but there is something more. You should make the thesis statement a microcosm of the whole essay. It has to be inspired, insightful, unique. Do not just say nuclear energy is safe and viable; give a sentence that expresses the insight that will make the reader really GET IT... the sentence that will make the reader completely reconsider her ideas.

:-)

Graduate / Motivation Letter for Ph.D Application (what very specific field I am interested in?) [2]


Excellent, that is a great place to be!


No! You cannot opt. Do not choose anything from a list. Just explore each subject. Then, ask yourself what is important to you? What are you doing here, and what is your religion? You have to dig deep for this part, and really decide about some goal you want to accomplish. It may be slightly unrelated to system design.. stop thinking about systems for a moment, and think about the rest of life.

There must be a reason you chose to enter this field. You have a talent that you can put to use in this field. And you will probably have to sell a lot of your time and talent to some company that becomes your employer, but that is for later.Right now, you have this opportunity to really ask yourself what you can contribute by applying your talent.

So what is it going to be? You will skim through articles that fascinate you... articles written by people in the past 3 years. When you read them, of course each will have a MAIN IDEA that is the author's insight. When you have skimmed through ALL the recent articles about your areas of interest, you will be ready to take the next step by CONTRIBUTING an insight of your own. Contribute to the ongoing conversation. Now that you are gaining some mastery in this field, you are ready to express your own unique contribution. Don't try to force it, just go read another article. :^)

Dissertations / Headings & Sub Headings (Dissertation) [2]

Thanks for the great question, Sunshine!

You should probably use a dissertation template. That is the EASIEST way, I think.
Google this: Dissertation, headings, template.

And you should also google this: APA headings

Just spend some time to learn about the options. You will have to use a particular format to get it accepted, so do what your advisers say.

On the templates you find, you'll see that the chapter titles are written in all capital letters, and then you can have more levels of headings in the body of it. Just keep it simple and use only 3 level headings. You'll see what I mean when you start reading about APA headings.

Undergraduate / "Cosiness" - Why Yale [8]

The theme can be okay, but you have to do something clever with it. As this is now, you could say the same thing about ANY school. Any school can be a second home.

So... use this as an opportunity to impress the reader by showing that you went to great lengths to decide which school to choose. You have to do some soul searching, because you must choose a school based on your goals for the future. You must be reading articles about the areas that interest you most, and based on what you learn you get this idea about something you want to DO to contribute to your professional field. So what is it?

What is it that you want to do, and that you will be able to do as a student at Yale?

Maybe there is a particular Yale professor who wrote an article that changed your whole outlook.

The best strategy is to use this as an opportunity to show the reader that you have been proactive about doing your research and making your plans.

Undergraduate / "labeled as a "tattletale." - UC [2]

Use a hyphen for year-old.

I have a suggestion... in an essay like this, the reader is not so interested in the person you were as a six year-old. The reader is interested in the person you are not. The reader is interested in the way you thoughtfully analyze the meaning of the story. So, I think you should tell the whole story in 1 or 2 sentences. Then, spend the rest of the essay showing how that story is meaningful and RELEVANT to the same inspiration that makes you want to attend this particular school.

Even if you write many facts in the essay, the reader will remember only one idea about you.

:-)

Writing Feedback / Essay about learning about past is valuable or not.. [4]

However, in my view the past is ...----I added "the"

...valuable, and learning about it helps us in many ways. ---I added a comma.

It reveals exactly how life began, and how the technology we are savoring now evolved. ---I moved a word.

I want to know about my national heroes who ensured survival of my beloved independent country.

Knowledge about past tells us how exactly life originated, and how living beings evolved.---I added one word for clarity.

Our past tells us about how our predecessors used to live.----Good sentence!

:-)

Essays / "Intro" of the paper to catch the reader's interest? - "The Listening Experiment" [3]

Banned words: no, not, n'ts (contractions of not), actually, but, however, just, & only...

Hey, you should not worry about starting in an interesting way until you have written the body paragraphs. Always write the intro last. How can you introduce something that does not exist yet?

When you have written some body paragraphs (and each paragraph gives an interesting idea about those "banned words.") Then, when you finish several body paragraphs you will KNOW what is interesting about your message to the reader. Enjoy finding an artful way to express the insight you gain from this eavesdropping exercise. :-)

But why are the words banned? No, I don't mind when teachers tell us we should not use certain words, or that they aren't effective, but actually I am just interested in learning why the teacher is biased only against these particular words. ;^)

Undergraduate / "Till open up my own pharmacy" - From Belleville, located east of Scarborough [2]

She loves soccer and basketball, but ...-----I added a comma.

...all-time favourite ---------------- I added a hyphen.

I just love listening to music, in other words you could call me a rhythmical learner. ------This is a run-on sentence. You can fix it by using a conjunction like "and."

I just love listening to music, and you could call me a rhythmical learner.

The best singer to my opinion is Lil Wayne, Eminem, and Rick Ross. -----You used "singer" (a singular noun), but you named 3 singers. Therefore, it should say "singers."

The best singers, in my opinion, are Lil Wayne, Eminem, and...

Overall I'm really excited for this semester and English class. I hope we have good time and a good educational experience.---Great sentence!

Undergraduate / To describe what qualities I have that attract me to the college? [3]

They want to know if you are one of those rare people who actually have a plan.. a real plan. Going into comp sci is not a plan... do you know what I mean? If you have been reading articles about the latest developments in your chosen field, you probably chose a college program based on your refined interests, your energized, urgent effort to really gain mastery in the particular areas of comp sci that you like.

But if you just chose this school arbitrarily, it is not as impressive.

So... can you come up with the reason this school is best for you, specifically? It is like choosing a book at a bookstore; you would not just grab any book about comp sci, but instead you would choose the one that is the logical choice for you, based on what you are trying to do.

Scholarship / "to more accurately reflect the diversity of America" - Too Professional? Peace Corp [5]

As a young single African American woman, I have lived a rather privileged and sheltered life. I have had much provided to me: an education, a safe home, good health, as well as anything else I ever wanted or needed. My family provided me opportunities to learn and grow, so now I feel that it is my turn to take the next steps and explore the rest of the world - by ______________________ (I think you can say something more specific here. This spot at the end of the first paragraph is very important. If you get very specific, the whole essay will be more powerful. taking a risk and facing a challenge.

The main reason that I would like to join the Peace Corps is to give back to the global community, while educating my whole person through experience based learning. ----This sentence is constructed in a way that shows that you are intelligent, but it is kind of generic... like a slogan that might be used by the Peace Corps. It is much more interesting if you can express something about your specific goals for the future... your specific plan. Do you have a plan? You are most persuasive if this step, joining the Pace Corps, is part of a plan you are carrying out. It should be based on a specific goal you have, something that is important to you, something you feelis your calling.)

---to make a difference ---See? cliche. All the essays say the same stuff. But if you say something about your niche, your particular calling in life... that makes the essay unique.

This is so eloquent, and I am sure they will be impressed. My criticism above is probably not very important in this case, but I hope you catch my meaning... whenever you want to distinguish yourself, eloquence is not enough. You need to be hell bent on carrying out your carefully devised plan. That is what inspires people... just like when a politician runs for office.

Writing Feedback / "obese, immature and dishonest" - Describing a person my chef [4]


Ha ha ha, why did you make up such an unpleasant person!

:-) Usually beautiful people are the ones to act arrogant. Ugly people have to be nice to make up for the way they look! lol

It is so nice that people gave great edits in this thread. Elisa, your grammar has errors, so I hope you will type each sentence 5 times all in a row. Type each sentence 5 times, because that is what will teach you how to have perfect grammar.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL - "a chance of cooking" - food has become easier to prepare. [3]

Here is some help with the grammar:

In the past one of the controversial topics in each home was what food should be made and who should prepare it, but these days advanced technology helps humankind to cook food more easily and healthily.

According to me, Frankly, i This is not a good way to start a sentence.

I think modern technology makes life simple and helps me save time and money.

The First Do not capitalize unless it is the first word of the sentence.

The first and foremost reason is that it saves our time so we can focus on solving our problems rather than preparing food.

Furthermore, these days everyone can cook food. You can find plenty of chain stores in your neighborhood so you can go there and where you can buy precooked food.

Then, you go home and cook them it in less than 15 minutes.

To sum up, focus on our business, giving everybody a chance of cooking a good quality food, and cutting the costs are only three advantages of this fact.---You wrote this sentence in a complicated way. You should do this:

To sum up, three advantages of modern cooking technology are the ability to focus on our business, the ability to give everybody a chance to cook good quality food, and the ability to cut costs.

:-)

Undergraduate / "it turned to be cancer" - Common App Essay [11]

Though I was perceptive enough to recognize that my family was in pain, I made the mistake of believing I understood their pain.---I fixed the verb.

I resolved to help out as best I could, refraining from sharing my own fears and worries, yet encouraging them to express their own.---Again, I fixed the verb. Type these sentences 10 times each, and speak them aloud, so you can learn the correct grammar.

...I felt much older...but more alive than ever before. ---- I made a small change here so it would sound nicer.

You did a great job with this piece of writing. I know many people have experienced a loss like this, and they will benefit emotionally when they read your story.

Thanks for sharing it here. As for shortening it... you have to choose the paragraphs that are most important. They are all good, and it's too bad this must be shortened.

Really, even though maybe there is a word limit, this should not be shortened. Most of the time, essays improve when we shorten them, but not this time. Every paragraph is important. A piece of writing like this should not be cropped down to a particular word limit; it's something you excavated, and you should keep it intact.

If you have to get rid of a paragraph you can get rid of this one: Though I was perceptive enough to recognize ...

Book Reports / Monologue by Basil Hallward from The Picture of Dorian Gray [3]

You must have meant sept 7th, not Aug 7th. That means I am to late to help!
But I wanted to share a good strategy for things like this. In order to prepare to write a monologue as a character from a story, skim through the story and make a list of memorable words and phrases that character uses!!!

Then, when you have the list, you can use it in the same way you might use a list of vocab words that your teacher wants you to use in a sentence.

My borrowing the character's vocabulary, you can do this sort of thing in an impressive way.

Undergraduate / "Ruben! How can I help you?" - common app essay 768 words [3]

You can make it swift, like the thrust of a spear, if instead of using commas so often you kill them whenever possible. Step on them and crush them.

I smiled uncertainly, expecting only verbal abuse from the boy that had at age eleven already been arrested for assaulting and attempting to rob an elderly woman in a 7-11.

They are little bugs that get under the skin of your essay! Exterminate them! But not always, only sometimes.

This story is awesome. I'm so glad you posted it, and I'll link people to it when they need to see an example of an inspirational story.

Here are some ideas based not on any particular rules but just on my own way of thinking about writing:

I cared; I was happy he put his faith in me. Yes, I trusted him. My "yes" conveyed more than we both felt comfortable expressing. "I care," I said plainly, and we both understood the simple statement. It had made all the difference. I ended a sentence to remove a semi-colon.

More importantly, I got rid of the weak sentence at the end of the essay. Now it ends in an abrupt way that is terse and powerful. Nevermind "it made all the difference," because you have that excellent sentence that forces the reader to reflect on the significance of the simple statement.

Writing Feedback / "my first flight lesson" - Writing a memoir for my composition class [5]


Yes, leave a takeaway that will cause the reader to be having the thoughts you want her to have. What thoughts do you want her to have? You want her to feel motivated to take action that is favorable to you.


Is that really the best idea to convey? Overcoming fears,as a theme in an essay... it's a little bit cliche.

Oh, actually I was thinking for a moment that this was an admissions essay. Well, even though it is not, you still want to motivate the reader in some way...not just to give you a good grade, but to have a certain kind of experience.

If someone wrote a story that had a theme of overcoming fear, you would say, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I have already heard stories like this." So you should really dig deep and pull out the gem that is excavated by the writing process. You have a unique insight to share. It may not be the most important thing in the world, but it is unique to your experience.

So, what is that subtle lesson you learned?

Also, try to find places to take out words. It always makes the writing more powerful. For example:
I spent my summer of 2009 in a classroom preparing myself for the adventure of a lifetime.

Writing Feedback / The demands of society spur the high sales of popular consumer goods. [2]

Yes, and the idea is expressed in the PARAGRAPH TOPIC SENTENCE. Great stuff here. Thanks, Turbina. :-)

I also want to use this as an opportunity to tell you the next rule:
Personally, I am in favor of the former for some good reasons as followed. The sentence at the end of the first paragraph should express the BIG IDEA OF THE ESSAY.

One essay = one big idea.
One paragraph = one smaller idea that supports the big idea.

****
The Big Idea of the essay is expressed in the last sentence of the first paragraph.

:-)

Grammar, Usage / What are the differences between Simple past and Past Tense ? [6]

When you say continuous, you are talking about the tense that some people call "progressive."

For examples of all of them, google these terms: Simple, Perfect, Progressive and Perfect Progressive

Writing Feedback / Essay about the government decision on where put money - feedback [6]

...people try to find out the better places where the money goes, for example, to art or infrastructure such as sports facilities, medical care or national defense.

Without adequate food supply, healthy bodies and peaceful environment, individuals would not have any interests on painting, singing or dancing.----I think this is a very good point! You have to be practical when making priorities.

In other words, the developed countries may invest in the greater amount of money in arts when people have their basic needs met. a stable base of materials.

:-)

In developing countries, prioritizing infrastructure is important because people are deprived of the opportunities to satisfy their basic needs. develop other things beneficial to the people, i I think this is what you mean!

In fact, the governments should be fully responsible for the development targets on each stage that adapts to each country's real situation. targeting the areas of development that are most appropriate for the current circumstances.

Writing Feedback / people who go outside are more successful and happier than people who stay in village [2]

Should people stay in the village or go outside of it? ---I added some words to improve the grammar.

On the other hand, this idea is strongly opposed by some other group people who hold the opinion that going outside is preferable.

They argue with the evidence that the city can offer much more than a small village does.

Besides, the cost of living in a big city weigh much out be much higher than in a village.

Statistics show that...

For example, my uncle used to live in a big city three years ago and he seldom had time to come back to see my grandparents. ---This is a very well-written sentence!!

Letters / My teaching (tutor) experiences - Cover letter for a faculty position [4]

Hey, it is quite impressive, and if you don't get this opportunity there will be others. I want to mention, though, that the intro is -- uneventful. In that first paragraph you plainly stated your intentions and then used the word "tremendously" to assert what you can contribute. That is not the best way. You should instead think of a particular theme to use... a concept. Let the reader think about a concept with you in that first paragraph, and let that concept be your theme.

As for the fact that you are young, maybe they will discriminate and maybe not. But you can make a winning case for yourself here is you have the right theme.

In the second paragraph you show that you have been seeking teaching experiences, and that is good, but this essay won't be excellent until you find that inspired idea, that concept.

So... what is the theme for your career... ;-) What is the word that captures it?

Undergraduate / "the manifestation of the education" - Why Columbia University Short Answer? [4]


Good advice! In this example, the word manifestation is used incorrectly. The word you are trying to think of is probably "epitome." However, the whole idea of CLAIMING that it is the epitome of your ideals is not a good approach. Any applicant could make such a claim. You should tell the reader about an interesting CONCEPT. What is the concept that is the epitome of your personality -- and your reason for wanting to attend this school?

:-)


This is the only part where you start to tell us about you. I want to know not just what is special about Columbia but instead what is special about the way YOU can use Columbia to achieve your unique goals. You have to identify some parts of the Columbia program that make it BETTER than other schools for helping you achieve your particular goals.

Writing Feedback / The media should consider famous people's lives [7]

Since the teenagers' body is not strong, they would face a number of physical difficulties. ----I made a small change at the end . I moved the word "physical."

The word "the" is not grammatically incorrect in this sentence. The tutor made a change to make it sound more natural. Sometimes it is bet to use "the" when you are talking about a particular example.

"The" is good here: The tutor suggested that you should remove the word.
"The" is unnecessary here: Tutors suggest changes all the time.

(The second sentence above is referring to all tutors. The first sentence refers to a particular tutor.)

:-)

Undergraduate / "understand how my head works" - Boston Supplement [3]

Hi Kris, you should use simpler sentences. Use shorter sentences.

Capitalize "I"...

Whenever I meet someone new, someone with whom I know I shall be spending a lot of time, I want to make sure he gains insight into the person I am and whether I am a disappointment or not. ----I simplified this and corrected the grammar.

Some things i would like to share would be about whom I am, where i come from, and express the values of my life. ---I took out EXPRESS because it messed up the grammar. In this sentence, you are listing 3 things you want to share. Share is the verb.

My mother showed me that when failure knocks you down, you get back up and give success another try.----Excellent! Great sentence.

:-)

Undergraduate / "to become a successful accountant" - Bentley Supplement [5]


This is a bad intro. You should make sure every sentence carries some intrigue, some special concept. All this sentence accomplishes is telling the reader your intended major.

By attending Bentley University, I believe I will understand the truth about what it means to be an accountant.---I simplified this a little.

You should type this again and make the corrections suggested by Mark. You still have some grammar errors. If you type it again below, we will look to see if you corrected them. :-)

Poetry / "-Death's next of kin." - my first proper poem [5]


great idea

He blinks and sighs and lies her in the grave.---I like this, too.

Enlightenment? I wonder if the temptress represents desire. Death's next of kin must be life, because what else is there?

:-)

Undergraduate / "trained to think logically and persevere" - U.T at Austin Transfer SOP [2]

I think that is a good question, birdslapper!

It is important to make the reader know how important it is for you to enter this program. If the reader is a kindhearted person, she will want to admit everyone, but not all applicants can be admitted. So, at the end of the essay I think you should use a sentence that tells about a specific resource in the program or a specific difference that will be made by your attending the program. Leave a specific thought in the reader's mind at the end. Right now, as the essay is, the end has an eloquent sentence but it is not about any specific, practical reason why you have to enter this particular program.

:-)

Writing Feedback / IELTS2; Old, historic buildings need to be preserved or destroyed and replaced? [2]


I think you can always improve your writing if you ADD a sentence to the end of the first paragraph, and make it a sentence that expresses the main idea of the essay. When you put a sentence like that at the end of the first paragraph, it makes the reader take notice and comprehend your message.

Mai Chu, thanks for the great edit!! I am impressed, and I hope you check out the contributor page.

Always try to be brief:
In brief, to hammer in final nail, People make convincing arguments both for and against the preservation of old buildings, but I believe ...

:-)

Undergraduate / (to strive for a meaningful career) - where you come from my UC [4]


This is such great writing. It is nice that you are honest about the fact that you don't know what you want to do. But it is also inspirational to know clearly what you want to do. You DO have the option of writing about what you KNOW you want... you may know somethings but not others... but when you highlight what you are certain about, it inspires the reader. :-)

Undergraduate / Essay for experience@singapore why I want to participate in this programme, how to? [8]

Great enthusiasm, sophisticated sentence structure, it's excellent.

...prospects of professional growth, and thus I am looking forward to working there.---I moved a comma and added ing

It is a great platform to meet IIM alumni and learn about the adaptive challenges of relocation.
Okay, and how about making a better ending. This ending does not really leave an influential message. You can make an ending that leaves the reader thinking about something specific pertaining to your plan -- and the reason entering this programme now is an important part of your plan. When you have a clear, detailed plan for the future, no one wants to stand in the way.Everyone wants to you have opportunities to carry it out, because they're inspired by it.

Undergraduate / "As my major is management..." - common essay [2]

What a great edit by dinh thi thu... thanks!!
Lumei Lin, I think you should practice typing each sentence 10 times the right way, and speak the words aloud.


In the sentence above, you expressed a great idea. I think "responsibility" is exactly the right word for the situation. However, if you say "Personally," you have to say, "I believe..."

Personally, I believe the key to understanding the current situation is...

:-)

Writing Feedback / "independence from their parents" - Should people live with parents ? [4]


This sentenceis eloquent but inefficient!It takes too many words to express the thought. But it is so powerful to use brevity! Like this:
It is always preferable for the young adults to live with families for as long as possible.
How bold and influential it is when few words are used! :-)
Also, I agree with you! Kids should stay with parents as long as possible.

For example, if both parents are working, they can...
or
For example, if a couple has kids and both of them are working, they can easily...

:-)

This essay has great structure!