Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Changing something in time from the past [4]

Hey, I try to have TOEFL test, and this is my first try on essay. If someone have time to correct my essay, that would be great. Thank.

[Topic] If you could go back to some time and place in the past, when and
where would you go? Why? Use specific reasons and details to
support your choice.

There are many reasons that people want to change something in the past. For my personal reasons, first, I would like to fix some mistake that I had already done in the past. Second, I would like to do something in best effort. Third, I would like to erase some bad feeling that persist in my mind.

Firstly, I want to fix some mistakes. I would like to back to the time that I was six year old. When I was six year old, I did some mistake. I accidentally killed three baby birds. In that time, I climbed the tree that was in the garden behind my home. I saw the nest on that tree. I was curious about how many baby birds were in there. I decided to climb to see with my eyes. I saw three baby birds in that nest. When I wanted to climb down, My hand accidentally hit that nest. The nest fall down to the ground. Three little birds died from falling from the tree. I don't want to kill those birds. That is why I want to back to that time.

Secondly, the reasons that I want to go back in the time in the past because I would to do something in best effort for getting the best result. When I am was eighteen in high school. I was not pay attention enough to study. In that time, I thought that it is enough to read a book without trying rehearsal the topic. As the result, I got C in every single subject. I would like to study as hard as I can to get better result.

Lastly, I would like to erase some bad feeling that still struct in my mind. I want to go to when I was seventeen. When I was seventeen, I had a big fight with my best friend. After that, we never talk to each other any more. I felt terrible about this situation because in some reasons that was my fault. But I chose not to talk with my best friend. This make me feel bad. If i could back in this time, I would go to apologize to my best friend.

In conclusion, the reasons I want to go back in time because I would like to fix the problem that I had already done. Beside, I would like to do as much as I can to get the best result. Moreover, I would like to erase my bad feeling. It would be great if I could go back to the past.

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] What discovery in the last 100 years has been most beneficial for my country [6]

This is my second try on writing.

What discovery in the last 100 years has been most beneficial for people
in your country? Use specific reasons and examples to support your
choice.

For the last 100 years, there are many incredible inventions that has changed our life such as telephone, hi speed car, refrigerator and so on. I personally believe that we all get abundant benefits from inventing of the internet. The internet allow people to share a lot types data in one time, provide a great information and also everyone could easy reach these invention.

To begin with, in my country before the internet exist, we used telephone to communicate with people, we use postal service to send mail, and also we use radio to listen to musics. Then the internet appear, we could share many types of data such as voice, mail, picture and so on by using the internet. We could call people, send e-mail, and listen to musics by using the internet. We also could video call to communicate people by using the internet. It is easier to share many types data by using the internet.

Secondly, the internet provide a plenty of useful information. There are many types of information such as news, medication, engineering, and so on. Everyone gets benefit from using the internet. For instance, students could extend their knowledge from those information, business analysts could gather information from the internet to do a research and could predict a risk in investing and so on. A lot of information help people to do their jobs.

Lastly, nowaday everyone could easy to reach these invention. Not only people that have high income have the internet but everyone also have the internet. Because it is not too expensive and everyone could afford it. Consequently, every get full benefit from the internet.

In my conclusion, we get abundant of benefit from the internet. Because we could share many types of data by using the internet. Moreover, the internet is a source of information that everyone easy to access. Besides, this invention is easy for everyone to reach. The internet is the greatest discovery that everyone get a lot of benefit from it.

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Telephones and emails have made personal communication less required [5]

I would appreciate it if someone could rate or make comments on my essay. Thanks.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Telephones
and email have made communication between people less
personal. Use specific reasons and examples to support your
opinion.

There are many advantage of these invention, telephones and email. Communication between people by using telephones and email made my life easier. I personally disagree with this notion that these types of communication, telephones and email, made people less personal. I will give several reasons to support my opinion.

To begin with, telephones and email help people, who live far away from other people, to connect each other. Unlike email, send message by using mail service could be lost and could be sent to wrong address. I can using telephones and email to talk or write directly to people I want to connect with. For example, right now, I am in the U.S. It is not possible to have conversation in person with my parents, who live in my country. Consequently, I can make a phone call or write email to my parents whenever I want. Telephones and email made me feel close to my parents.

Second, Using telephones and email could express some important words better than face-to-face communication. For instant, sometime when I argue with my friends, I cannot express my self to my friends at that moment. So, when I have a time to realize what had happened, I could explain the real thought that I want to express without emotion. Thus, these types of communications make me feel personal.

Telephones and email make me feel personal because I could directly connect with people that I love. Beside, I could express my personal thought through telephones and email. As a result, I believe that telephones and email do not make communication between people less personal.

Writing Feedback / If I had a chance to go back in time, I would like to meet Albert Einstein [2]

It would be great if someone could rate or make comments on my essay. Thanks.

If you could travel back in time to meet a famous person from history,
what person would you like to meet? Use specific reasons and examples
to support your choice.

There are many remarkable people in the world. These people have done many things, such as composed songs, invented tools, and so on, to make the world are better place. The most favorite person that if I could go back in time to meet, I would like to meet Albert Einstein. I will give several reasons to support my opinion.

First of all, Einstein was a scientist who invented many great theories such as relativity, quantum physic, and the formula that every know is "E = MC squared". Thus, I would go back in time to meet Einstein. The reason is that I would like to talk with the greatest scientist in the world. I would like to know that what would it like to talk with people that had highest IQ in the history. I still wonder that whether he speak like normal people or not.

Secondly, another reason that I would like to go back in time to meet Einstein is that I would like Einstein's student. I would like him to teach me anythings, any kind of knowledge such as science, philosophy, politics and any things. It would be great to get knowledge from the smartest person in the world even if I could not understand it at all. I would so very proud to be Einstein's student.

In conclusion, if I had a chance to go back in time to meet a remarkable people in history, I would like to go back in time to meet Albert Einstein. Because, I personally think that he was a greatest scientist in mankind history. Therefore, it would be my greatest experience to talk to him. Beside, I also would like to be Einstein's student. Thus, if I could meet Albert Einstein, I would be so proud and it would be my greatest experiences.

Writing Feedback / Live in the same climate or changing climates? Which one do you prefer? [5]

Please help me to correct my essay to improve my writing skill. Thank you.

Some people prefer to live in places that have the same weather or
climate all year long. Others like to live in areas where the weather
changes several times a year. Which do you prefer? Use specific
reasons and examples to support your choice.

There are many places in the world that people would like to settle down. Each place is difference and have it's own value. Some places have climate's diversity and some places are not. In my opinion, I would like to stay in a place which have variety of weather because I could have seen variety of beautiful nature. There would have many activities in that place. I would like to dress up to be suitable for each weather.

First of all, I could enjoy to see wonderful scene in each season. For instance, it is a wonderful scenery to see leaves change color from green to orange and red in fall, it is amusing to see everywhere is clear white in winter, and it is great to see trees and flowers bloom in spring. Therefore, I could enjoy with each season in one place.

Secondly, I could have many activities in a place which have weather change several time in a year. For example, I could skiing in winter, I could swiming in summer, and I could hiking in spring. Thus, I could spend my life to do all activities in one place without spend a lot to do activities in a place which have only one season.

Lastly, I love to have many outfits to wear that is suitable for each season. For example, I would like to wear scarf and winter clothes in winter. I like to wear short pants and sandals in summer. It would be uncomfortable to wear scarf and winter clothes in summer or wear short pants and sandals in winter.

In conclusion, a place that have different weathers in a year attract me to want to stay because a wonderful scenery in each season appeal me to want to spend all my life there. Beside, there are many enjoy activities in one place. Moreover, I love to dress up to fit for each seasons. I would be happy to stay in a place which have variety of weather.

Writing Feedback / It is important to have good person to be a good roommate - you have to stay with him for a while [2]

Many students have to live with roommates while going to school or university. What are some of the important qualities of a good roommate? Use specific reasons and examples to explain why these qualities are important.

Roommate is a person whom I have to stay with. Thus, it is important to have good person to be a good roommate. There are many qualities to be considered to be a good roommate. That person should be considerate, not have bad habits, and help each other.

To begin with, good quality of roommate should be considerate person. For example, if he would like to use my stuffs, he has to ask for my permission or just inform me to use it. In case he does not inform me to use my stuff, and I want to use it. Then I could not find it, I might think that my roommate had stolen my stuff. Consequently, I might have trouble with my roommate. Informing to use my stuff is better way not to make us misunderstand each other.

Secondly, it is important that good roommate should not have bad habit. For instance, he must not smoke in room or must not turn on music very loud. When I have to pay attention on my study, I have to stay in quiet room and not have things that disturb me. It is not good environment for study if there have noise and smell.

Lastly, being a good roommate is when I have trouble, he could help me to go through bad situation. For example. If I was ill, he might buy me some soup or some vitamin to help me recover or If I feel down, he might cheer me up. Thus, I could feel better.

In conclusion, I personally think that a good roommate should be considerate because it is good to get respect from roommate. Beside, a good roommate should not have bad habits because I would not feel frustrate to stay with. Moreover, a good roommate should help each other when someone have a problem. I would be happy to have a good roommate that I had described.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL; Dancing plays an important role in a culture. [4]

If someone have time to correct my essay, that would be great. Thank.

[TOPIC] Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Dancing
plays an important role in a culture. Use specific reasons and
examples to support your answer.

In every country, people do dance for fun, for entertrain, and for decrease a stress. Dancing is also one of important parts of culture that represent to something that people believe. Many cultures do dance to show a great prosperous of its culture. And also dancing to entertain people. I will give reasons to support my opinion.

First, dancing are significant part of culture that could show to something that people believe. For example, some culture people believe that they dance in order to sacrifice to their god so they will be get a happy life. Or some part of the world that are in arid area believe that if they danced, the rain would come. Consequently, dancing are the part of people belief.

Secondly, dancing can represent to civilization of that culture. for instance, I have seen many western movies that when a kingdom have visitor from another kingdom, king or queen would dance to show a splendid of their kingdom culture. The way of movement, the way that they costume and also a music while they dance. All this is a civilization of their culture.

Thirdly, many culture, people have many ways to entertain themselves. And dancing is one of that ways. Both people who see and dance also have a good time. For example, many event, such as christmas, last christmas I went to mall to buy gifts, and I was entertained by group of people in santa custom dancing in christmas song. I felt that people around me happy and group of santas also happy to see people happy.

In conclusion, I strongly agree with notion that dancing is an important part of culture because dancing are represent to believe of people. Besides, dancing could show how civilization of that culture is. Moreover, people use dancing to entertain themselves. So dancing is important in every culture.

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] : Governments should spend money on space exploration or for basic needs of people [5]

It would be great if someone could rate or make comments on my essay. Thanks.

TOPICSome people think governments should spend as much money as possible exploring outer space (for example, traveling to the Moon and to other planets). Other people disagree and think governments should spend this money for our basic needs on Earth. Which of these two opinions do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

government should pay attention on basic needs, space travel don't meet that criterion

Although developing technologies to discover amazing thing in galaxy is interesting, there are many people in the world are in poverty or starvation. Thus, these technologies mean nothing if people lack of prosperity. Therefore, in my opinion, I accede with notion that government should pay attention on basic needs of people first.

First, as you can see that after great economic recession, many people in many countries were unemployed. Then, many people did not have money. When people did not have money, They had to rob other people. There were increasing in criminal rate in many cities. Consequently, quality of life were dropping and this make people unhappy. So that, government should invest to create more jobs. When people have jobs, they did not have to steal money. Therefore, criminal rate were drop. Thus, people have a good quality life.

Second, environment is also important issue that everyone depend on it. Nowaday, industrial in many countries still emit high intense of carbon dioxide, which caused of greenhouse effect. Greenhouse effect causes of climate change. These impact on every living creature in the world. So, government take care of this issue by declare regulate to control emission of carbon dioxide. In addition to controlling emission carbon dioxide, government should invest in alternative energy such as using solar energy instead of coal energy. If we lived in good environment, our life would be better.

Lastly, family is a root of society. If everyone in family did not have time to spend with each other, that family could have problems, If family had problems, it mean society could have problems. When society had problems, it could impact to a nation. Thus, government should create campaign to fill love to family. For example, setting event once a week to gather everyone in family to spend time with each other. When family understand each other, it mean society and a nation will not have much trouble.

In conclusion, I personally agree with statement that government should spend money on basic people needs. The basic needs: jobs, good environment, and love in family. These three issues are the most important basic needs of people in my opinion that government should pay attention on to improve quality life of people.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Best ways of reducing stress: listening to music, exercise, meditation [3]

I appreciate your help. Thank.

TOPICPeople have different ways of escaping the stress and difficulties of
modern life. Some read; some exercise; others work in their
gardens. What do you think are the best ways of reducing stress?
Use specific details and examples in your answer.

Nowadays, we are living in in the world which is absolutely complicated. Everything seem to be rush, and it have a lot of competition. These make people get stress. Thus, many people try to reduce their stress. There are many activities that could relieve those people who are in stress. in my opinion, reducing stress by listening to music, playing sports, and doing meditation are easy and practical ways.

First of all, listening to music is a great way to relax. For example, when I go to office, I use public transport. I see many things such as traffic jam, crowded people at bus stop, and all so crowded people in buses. These make me stress. So that I always listen music from my mp3 player. I could enjoy listening music without thinking of people around me. Consequently, I feel happy when I listen music.

Second, another way that is perfectly work for everyone to reduce the stress is exercise. For instance, I alway have many things in my mind such as a difficult of my work that I have to finish in time. These problem sometime make me hard to fall asleep because it make me stress. Thus, after work, I always do exercise, and jogging is my favorite sport. I feel that after working out, I am easily to fall asleep. Exercising not only reduce my stress but also make me get a good health.

Third, meditation also one of the ways to reduce the stress. when I have many things to think about, and this make me stress, I will do meditation. Meditation is easy way to relax because it is not require any equipment, and it take few minutes. A way to do meditation is that I just sit down, close my eyes, and count my breath. These could relieve me from stress.

In conclusion, there are many ways to reduce the stress. In my point of view, listening to music, exercising, and doing meditation are the most activities that people could do to escape from stress. It is are easy and usable. And everyone should find the time to do more and more to feel better physically and in everyone mind.

Writing Feedback / Paying teacher basing on grade that students got is not appropriate and not fair [6]

TOPIC : Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Teachers should
be paid according to how much their students learn. Give specific
reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Everyone is different. Although students are in the same process of education system, learning abilities in each students are not equal. Some students are fast learner, but some students are not. Thus, paying for teacher base on grade that students got is not appropriate, and it is not fair for teacher. So that, I disagree with this notion.

To begin with, in schools, main task of teacher to give knowledge to students, and this role have to finish in time. there are certain period of time for teachers to teach. In these short time, it is not possible for teachers to pay attention to individual students in class. Teachers have to manage to teach every topics by schedule. If teachers pay attention to specific students, their work might not finish on time, and this might make many student miss some field in topics that they should know.

Second, learning abilities in each students is different. It is not possible that they all comprehend all lessons in the same period of time. Some students might understand all topics that they had learnt but some are not. Therefore, testing result are different. This problems depend on how hard study they do. It is not teachers fault. Thus, teachers should not be paid by testing result that students get.

Lastly, there could lead to a big problem if schools pay teachers by grade that students get. That is problem in quality of education. Teacher may not care about how they have to teach to make students understand the topics. Teachers may just give high grades to get higher salary. This problem should not be happened. Therefore, grade that students get should not be in evaluating teacher.

In conclusion, I totally disagree with this statement that teachers should be paid by how much their students learn because teacher could not pay attention to each students in class. Besides, learning abilities of student are different. Moreover, there are problems if paying teacher by grade students get.

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Random roommate or roommate you choose, which one is better? [5]

TOPICYou have been told that dormitory rooms at your university must be
shared by two students. Would you rather have the university assign a
student to share a room with you, or would you rather choose your own
roommate? Use specific reasons and details to explain your answer.

People are different. If I have to stay with another student in dormitory together, it will take abundant of time to adapt myself, and so will my roommate. Some people may become good friends, but some people might not suitable for me. In addition, when people know each other well and stay together on dorm, these people do not worry about their stuff in dorm will missing. Thus, I prefer to choose my roommate by myself.

To begin with, when I was a little, I used to buy lottery ticket. I completely confident in myself that I would win, but it turn out I did not win the lottery. These made me feel sad because I did not get the result which I expected. From this story, I learnt that selecting roommate by university is not an option that I am willing to follow because I might have someone that is not compatible with me. For example, he might smoking in dorm, turn music very loud, and so on. This may lead to serious problems. Consequently, I could not focus on my student well. Choosing someone I know to be my roommate is best options for me. So that, I will select my roommate by myself.

Moreover, when two people know each other well and stay together in dormitory, they are always give trust to each other. For example, for me, choosing someone that I know well is not make me concern about losing my stuff in my dorm. I do not have to worry about hiding some valuable stuffs from my roommate. My roommate is also trust me not to worry about him stuffs. In contrast, random roommate who is selected by university may possibly make me afraid of losing my stuffs. As a result, I would rather choose my own roommate.

Conclusion, from this statement, if I have to stay with someone in dormitory, I prefer to select someone by myself rather than selected by university because I do not want to stay with someone that totally different and uncomfortable to stay with. Besides, choose someone I know well is that I would not to worry about mystuffs in my room, and so would my roommate. So that, in my opinion, I prefer to choose my roommate by myself.

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] marry someone who is similar to you, rather than someone who is different [5]

[TOPIC] It is better to marry someone who is similar to you, rather than someone who is different from you

Considering to choose someone to be a partner for entire my life is an important decision. This person should suitable for me. The meaning of suitable for me is not mean this person should similar to me. T prefer someone that different from me. Thus, from this statement, I disagree to choose someone that have the same personality to marry with is better than a person that different from me.

To begin with, marrying someone that have something that I do not have is more interesting. This difference make me have a lot questions, and this make me feel I have challenge to get to know any things about my partner. For me, person that similar to me could make me bore. In addition, I do not want to marriage with someone that have the same personality.

Secondly, it is great to marry someone that different from me because I could get an opinion that different from me. For example, when I have problems, that mean I could not figure out how to solve it in a right way, having a different ideas could turn bad situation to good opportunity. Thus, I prefer to marry someone that is not familiar to me.

In conclusion, I disagree with this notion that marry someone that similar to me is better than someone that different from me because this person make me feel interested. Besides, I could get different opinion that lead to the way to solve problems. Thus, someone that different from me is a person I want to marry with.

[This time, I tried to finish this essay in 30 minutes, but I could not finish it in time. :'( ]