Speeches / My almost whole future in a nutshell :) [2]

I will be so grateful if somebody gives me advice or anything that helps me :).

this pc needs an upgrade

My essay:
Just open my eyes, and the first thing I see was a computer showing my heartbeat :). That's right I was born :D. And seeing the thing that keeps going up and down makes me wonder what is that. And I also think that's why I have a huge passion for the computer (i think...). Then I grew up, and maybe just like other kids, I love playing games :D. But the love that's growing so much, makes me wonder it's an addiction or passion... Any other kinds of entertainment like TV, films, manga, blah blah seems only fun to me, but games, give me a feeling that I can't explain. Every tough round I win always gives me satisfaction that none of the entertainments can bring. However, the thought of playing games can make money seems stupid to me, due to education that I must find a job. When I was 12, I discovered Pewdiepie, a guy who is popular because of playing games on Youtube. That's where my last thought becomes stronger, then I showed it to my mom, and she said: "stf*! u know nothing about this, this is too hard for u, be like everyone else, son! Find a job then u can do whatever u can." Then she told that to my dad, my dad got angry and forbid me of playing games for 1 week and he thinks that because of playing too many games give me a stupid thought like that... And days keep going on, nothing happened, just go to school, play, eat, sleep, do workouts blah blah blah until the age of 15, if course it's not puberty because that would be too late :))). I stopped playing games a little bit, and thinking every single night that" If I keep playing games like this, I don't think I can achieve my dream, even if I actually good at gaming stuff, but omg in the world, there are so many pros that I think they are on another level so above me, maybe I shouldn't be a gamer to make a living, I SHOULD BE A YOUTUBER :V?HMMMMMMMM? And boom, I try to find out what are the conditions to become a real YouTuber in the next day. And this is where the disaster comes out. To become a Youtuber, my terrible computer must become a beast first. In other words, I must have about above 50 million VND ( about 2.150 dollars ). And I was like, where the heck can I find this money? My parents don't let me go out to work :V. Because I must study IELTS in order to settle in Australia :). So because I only can stay at home, I have to try to make money with this poor condition computer... I downloaded Davinci (edit software) and start to edit. The first video that I uploaded on Facebook was quite impressive(the vid only has 25 seconds), I got above 100 views, but there only about 10 reactions though... mostly my friends, they say this is funny and tell me to make more. However, I can't do any professional vids, because of my computer, so the timeline in the app was very laggy and slow, discouraging me from editting stuff :(.

And I try persuade my dad to upgrade it. It was tough, many things happen, and I have to make a promise that I do not play too long after upgrading the computer. He bought a new CPU, nothing changed much, still the old FPS. But I can not say that the computer is still bad, I have to continue to do edit stuff with it now...Then after thinking that this computer can not be upgraded. I try to do other things instead to become a Youtuber, it's called preparations :). I must find fame, save more montages, hightlights, funny moments, learn more edit theories in order to ready for the beastly computer. And the money to upgrade, I think I persuade my parents later or persuade them permit me to go to work. And that's it :), that is my life for now, now i am 17, writting this essay for u guys to see hehe xD

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Young people should be leader or the old ones? [2]

age of a good leader

The question: some people say that young people should be the leader, others say the old is better. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

MY ESSAY:
Commonly, the elder is usually the leader, director, and manager of everything. However, there are some people think that the young are better at controlling. This passage will discuss both perspectives and give my commentary.

First of all, it is beneficial when permitting the young to become the president. Because of their strength, dynamic, and supreme energy, they can work longer than the old ones, which means they can contribute more to the country. Secondly, they have positive, creative, new modern thinking that may develop the country. For instance, instead of preventing the flood by dikes and damps like humans usually do, the young will preclude that by digging a big hole on the ground which can stop the flood as well as saving some money. This is already applied by Japan's government and it worked effectively.

On the other hand, allowing senior people to lead the country also gives some advantages. The old always have more experiences than the young. In other words, they can do work that nobody can not. Taking Donald Trump, the president of the USA as an example. This gentleman can predict the future so precisely that avoid so many disasters such as the economy's fall, incoming war and more all because of his experiences . Secondly, the old have a more practical thinking that may enhance the country better than the idealistic thinking of the young. Donald Trump has built a wall against Mexico in order to take care of his country and avoid criminals in Mexico too while the young may let them in because of pity which can cause consequences in the future.

Both views all have strong points, but personally, I think it is not important to choose the leader through age. It is more essential to choose the leader through their thinking and behavior. Even though that the old have better thinking because of their experiences, that better thinking actually can make a downward trend. Due to being too intelligent, people become more greedy and dictatorial and the results is clear. Thus, there is another factor that decides a leader, moral.

In conclusion, both perspectives has its pros and cons, but in my view, i think to become a leader, they must have a practical thinking, righteous actions and good moral.

( Somebody please help me how to reduce the length of this essay, i think this passage is too long and it may downgrade my points :V, is that so then help me because whenever i meet this kind of question, i always make it long even though i try to make it short and clear :V. It will be helpful if u help me thank you very much )

Writing Feedback / It is often argued that brutality in media stimulates brutality in the real life. My opinion. IELTS2 [3]

Violence in media promote violence in society. Agree or disagree?

Hi, everybody, I'm back :)
The question is above so I don't need to write it down hehe xD
My essay:
It is often argued that brutality in media stimulates brutality in real life. While I agree with this opinion, I still believe that violence surge based on many more aspects.

On the one hand, it is true that violence comes from the media. Many movies and games include some action scenes which attracts myriads of people, especially children. They will try to copy what they have seen in the movie. As a consequence, some will get hurt and the winner in the fight will continue to rampage. Secondly, there are also harmful channels, for instance, "Kha Banh", this individual try to spread a message that children should fight whenever they feel they like. Because of his cool and stupidly funny character of him, his message went viral which creates many spoiled children right now in Vietnam. (@@)

However, I strongly believe that violence in life is not easily promoted through media. It is obvious that many adults now are all knowledged which they should know whether it is right or wrong. In other words, they already have realized that violence is terrible and only used when needed. As a result, parents should teach children about violence until they are enlightened. In addition, there are helpful violent scenes in movies that teach children about when they should use force. For instance, when offsprings are bullied, they will know that they have to use violence in order to avoid pain and scratches.

In conclusion, it is right that violence in media encourages violence in life, but it also based on many facets. Additionally, there are some brutal scenes in movies that teach children about when to use force.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: CARE ABOUT ANIMAL EXTINCTION OR HUMAN'S PROBLEM? DISSCUSS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION. [4]

extinction of some animal species - Should we be concerned?

Question: Many think that we should focus on the extinction of certain animal species, while others think we should pay attention to human's problems. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

My essay:
There is a heated debate about whether people should be cautious with the shortage of some particular animal species or concentrate on human's issues. This essay will discuss both perspectives and give my own commentary.

On the one hand, putting human's problem to the first priority is undeniable. First and foremost, human, the superior species, can almost create anything. Thus, even there is an extinction of some animals, they could create a new species with higher quality with their developed technology. Secondly, humans have the utmost brain on Earth, which means they can set rules, laws, modernize anything and other aspects such as fashion and games. In other words, they can make the world better when animals can not because they only know to consume.

However, the extinction of some special animal species can cause big trouble for humans. Take developing countries like Vietnam for example, if the buffalos and cows are all extinct, the agriculture will drop dramatically because of lacking tractions. If chickens are also all eliminated, famous fast-food shops like Mac Donald, KFC or BBQ will be bankrupted. Follow that consequences, many employers from all around the world will lose their job and many more problems will occur.

In my view, both standpoints are all equally essential. Nevertheless, they are still based on many complicated aspects. Speaking about morals, making a whenever species completely gone is such an evil, gruesome activity, and the consequences are stated before. However, if the human is in urgent situations such as tsunamis, earthquakes, floods and other catastrophes, then they are more important.

In conclusion, both perspectives all have its pros and seemingly equally crucial. Howerver, one of them will be more significant than the other are all based on that situation.

290 words count

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Watching TV is a waste of time. Agree or disagree? [2]

Hehe, finally i can find a good topic that I can show my mom PROOFS that TV is gooooodd. So she will never stop me watching TV hehe :D( but i have to make it convincing godammit :( )

spending time watching tv programs

The question: Some people think that watching TV is a waste of time. Do u agree or disagree?
My essay:
Nowadays, watching TV is although considered as one of the best stress relievers, it is also unworthily time-consuming. While I agree watching TV is not healthy and should do something else instead to entertain, I strongly believe that TV viewers will gain myriads of benefits if they know how to utilize it correctly.

First and foremost, it is easily understandable that watching TV is a wasteful activity. In fact, there are many channels which are really harmful and crap at the same time. Take Vietnam for example. Kha Banh's channel is well-known for his swearing sayings and detrimentally playful lifestyles. What makes him unusual is that he attracts the children very well and they all try to copy lifestyles which are proven by their stupid dances so-called "mua quat". As a result, watching these types of channels is such a waste of time and harmful too. (please fans of Kha Banh getta the way :) )

Nevertheless, as I stated before, TV viewers will gain tons of advantages if use it rightly. Firstly, the obvious reason is entertainment. However, this kind of amusement is extraordinary because it is not as addicting as online games which are somewhat beneficial. Secondly, if people select smartly the good channel, they can learn numerous knowledge depend on different categories. For instance, watching Wild Discovery Animals will enhance your understanding of the animal's living and suchlike and watching PewDiePie will boost your sense of humor and diplomacy.

In conclusion, while some people believe watching TV is such a waste of time but if they watch it properly, I ensure that they will change their belief.

Feel free to give any feedbacks :) (but not fans of Khabanh :))

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: Marriage Statistics of 8 countries in 2 different years [3]

1981 and 1994 - marriages per a country

Hi guys, i just wanna say that it's been a long time that i have not written IELTS task 1 so i guess it gotta be suck :( but hope your comment will improve it give me some tips so i can do better next time xD :D!

The question:The bar chart below shows the marriage statistics for eight countries in 1981 and 1994. Write a short report about describing the information shown below.

My essay:
The given bar chart depicts the marriage figures for eight nations in 1981 and 1994. In general, there was a downward trend in all territories except Denmark and USA had the highest marriage statistics.

As is observed from the presentation, the marriage ratio(am i using right) of the Americans in 1981 was the greatest among other given countries which peaked at nearly 11 per thousand people. Meanwhile, other's marriage statistic was only around 6 per thousand. To be more specific, countries namely UK, Japan, Finland and Germany's marriage figures was all above 6 per thousand and UK was noticeable for its peak at 7 per thousand in the named group(i feel weird about this...).On the other hand, most people in the remaining countries which is France, Italy and Denmark is not married which is proven by their statistic was all below 6 per thousand. (i feel sthing wrong bout this sentence...)

However, in 1994, most of country's marriage figures decreased but USA still got the top 1 which peaked at 9 per thousand. Nevertheless, Denmark was better in the USA by its marriage statistics have been improved, which reached at 7 per thousand. Beside that, among 6 other countries, Japan was the country which its marriage statistic was above 6 while others in the opposite.

And that is done :D, whoose i just check : V, 215 words in my essay. Feel free to give feedbacks, especially i need linking words and tips :D.(of course grammar too, i would be good if u give me some complitcated sentences for my essay :) )

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Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Science will soon make people live longer. Good?Bad?Discuss both, give your opinions [5]

Hi guys, while I was wandering around on the Internet and see this interesting topic makes me want to practice with it now @@. Feel free to comment and give me feedbacks ( it would be better if u give me a band score too : V )

Topic:
SCIENCE WILL SOON MAKE PEOPLE LIVE UP TO 100 OR EVEN 200 YEARS. SOME BELIEVE THIS IS A GOOD THING WHILE OTHERS DISAGREE. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION!!!

My essay:
In the future, scientists will soon have the capability to make humanity live longer. Some people think this is beneficial while others oppose. This essay will discuss both standpoints and shall give my comment later. (am I doing this right ?)

First of all, people having a longer lifetime is actually great in various aspects. The first one is obvious, people can enjoy more in their life, such as foods they never taste, places they never go as well as things they never see. Secondly, there are still myriads of intelligent people such as scientists in the world who can contribute a lot more for this community and it would be sad if they die so early. In other words, having a longer life span can help them reach more helpful achievements.

Nevertheless, everything has its dark side and this is not exceptional. To elaborate, imagine there are still bad people outside namely criminals, terrorists and suchlike can lengthen their life. What can be worse more is this, people will suffer more pains, tears, threats, living in a dangerous world where they do not know the when death coming in any seconds just because of bombs as well as other explosions. (lol this part makes me so emotional that makes me throw all out :))

Although it can be dangerous as I stated, I would choose the former opinion due to this problem can also be solved. To prevent this disaster, education needs to be improved a lot more, making children realize that crime and suchlike is a really serious bad job which can affect others and it is not worth for their tiny, selfish benefits. Even this happens, our technology needs to be supreme enough that can counter those deadly criminal activities.

In conclusion, having a longer life has its pros and cons, but in my personal point, humanity will gain benefits if they can handle those upcoming difficulties.

Wish luck to all students at here having a great IELTS band score :D

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: TEENAGERS SHOULD HAVE A PART-TIME JOB OR NOT ? [3]

SOME COUNTRIES ENCOURAGE TEENAGERS TO HAVE A PART-TIME JOB AND SEE IT AS A GOOD THING WHILE OTHERS DISAGREE. GIVE YOUR OPINION AND EXPLAIN BOTH VIEWS.

Many countries around the world stimulate adolescents to work in a part-time job because it is beneficial in many aspects. However, others think it is not necessary. In my view, I am neutral with both points of views and I will discuss more in this essay.

On the one hand, myriads of people think that having a part-time job will restrain the efficient of the study in school. In fact, working will obviously take a lot of time, endurance and joy which will make the students exhausted and they will not have the opportunity to perform well in school. Furthermore, working maybe also creates pressures for the workers, which leads to stress, depression, and even sadness. Consequently, having a part-time job is not a suitable option for the students and they should spend their time enhancing their study.

On the other hand, some of the groups think that a part-time job is really crucial for teenagers to have. First of all, a full or part-time job is not only provide salary, but experiences are actually the most valuable reward. In fact, studying is just a foundation to step forward to real life, but those priceless experiences are must-have if people want to succeed. For instance, learning those mathematically complicated formulas or those lengthy poems or even remember those events in the history is hardly open the gate of success. Knowing easy formulas like adding, subtracting, multiplying and dividing is essential, or maybe just little skills in communicating are enough for the foundation.

In my opinion, both views are all needed for teenagers to manipulate into their life. However, I personally think that the way how people balance two activities is the most important factor. I mean they have to work in a part-time job and still study well at the same time which means they will also have the foundation and a little bit of the experiences. As a result, they could go far on their future.

To recapitulate, having a part-time job could be a bright side or a dark side depend on how people arrange it at the right time which means it does not cost a lot of time, power, and do not create much pressure and stress.

(I'm sorry, the conclusion is quite not good I know :), can somebody fix it :( and make it better :) ! )