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Posts by Zubaida
Joined: Jul 4, 2010
Last Post: May 22, 2012
Threads: 18
Posts: 34  

From: Saudi Arabia

Displayed posts: 52 / page 1 of 2
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Zubaida   
Jul 4, 2010
Undergraduate / Programming and designing graphics, seven-sentence paragraph about my career goals [2]

I have to write a brief paragraph (between 5 and 7 sentences) describing my career goals.
Here is my paragraph:

I'm so passionate about programming and designing graphics. First, I would get a strong scholar background in this field by completing my bachelor degree in computer science at UOFA. This will make me more familiar with programs such as Swish Max, Photoshop and, the Gold Wave. Moreover, I will learn more to be competent of dealing professionally with new programs involving 3D programs and designing websites programs which will give me a chance to achieve another goal; designing a website for my institute at Makka. Finally, I hope that my goals will be real in the future as I am still having the strong desire and determination with hard effort.
Zubaida   
Aug 8, 2010
Writing Feedback / IELTS essay feedback, regarding the idea of talking about power of advertising. [5]

I think you should insert comma here:
Nowadays, advertising is such a common
In addition, products must

and a period here
a controversial subject. H owever, the impact

I think you need to use a verb instead of an adjective:
They have contract global or local celebrities to attractive costumers' eyes and rise the sell's number.
Zubaida   
Aug 8, 2010
Writing Feedback / Baku-- a short paragraph about the hometown [9]

what do you mean, Azeri, in this sentence:
shady parkways with centenary chinars
I could not find chinar in the dictionary, you may mean chairs.
Zubaida   
Aug 9, 2010
Undergraduate / 5-7 paragraph (Studying in England universities has many benefits) [5]

Write a paragraph (5-7 sentences) in which your opening sentence begins: "Though very expensive...

Though very expensive, studying at England universities has many benefits. First, professional instructors provide the student with excellent knowledge in his major field. In addition, he gains strong skills in English language. Second, accredited certificate, that the student will get it after completing his bachelor degree, enables him to continue master's and doctoral programs wherever he wishes. It also gives graduate student an opportunity to get a good job in his career. Last of all, dealing with people from all over the world broadens the student's horizon as he sees different kinds of characters, different living styles, and different languages and cultures. This qualifies him to be more successful in his future careers.
Zubaida   
Aug 9, 2010
Undergraduate / 5-7 paragraph (Studying in England universities has many benefits) [5]

the paragraph after changing the pronoune (he) to (they)

Though very expensive, studying in England universities has many benefits. First, professional instructors provide students with excellent knowledge in their major fields. In addition, they gain strong skills in English language. Second, accredited certificate that the students will get after completing their bachelor degrees enables them to continue master's and doctoral programs wherever they wish. It also gives graduate students an opportunity to get good jobs in their careers. Last of all, dealing with people from all over the world broadens the students' horizon as they see different kinds of characters, different living styles, and different languages and cultures. This qualifies them to be more successful in their future careers.

which is better?
studying in England universities or at England universities
Zubaida   
Aug 9, 2010
Essays / Discuss how Singapore can reduce its carbon footprint. [3]

I think you should make a search on (carbon footprint in Singapore). you will gain information about the problem and current initiatives. Then you can arrange your ideas and may porpose sulotions for the problem.
Zubaida   
Aug 10, 2010
Writing Feedback / It is impossible for a man to stay alone - groups are part of human's life [9]

you nead to use (an) instead of (a) here:
but has a common interest or goal as an example group of manufacturing people
a group of common interest people as an example a group of camping people,
As an example of manufacturing car,

No space here. (everyone) is one word.
everyone likes to stay with family
...establish some rules and regulations for everyone .

your subject is plural, so no need to add (s) to the verb
In society, different people stays together, some of them are mankind and some of them follows wrong ways.
That is why people form groups and translate their

It's helpsIt helps people to spend their life with some

because of their scare of dominant people and their discouragement but still they are still belonging to some groups

I hope this will help.
Good Luck
Zubaida   
Aug 10, 2010
Graduate / Cultures of West and East; SOP in Entrepreneurship (study plan) [7]

China is fulled offilled with Taiwanese entrepreneurs who want to take a chance on.

I was concentrated on managing the restaurant and controlling...

restaurants. T he last year in college, students have to write the graduate dissertation with teamwork and give a presentation to all the professors .

I hope this will help.
Good Luck
Zubaida   
Aug 10, 2010
Undergraduate / Swim with no clothes- paragraph about The Most Frightening Experience of my Life [4]

Write a brief paragraph describing the most frightening experience of your life.

please, check this paragraph:

The most frightening experience of my life was in the swimming pool. It was the second time I went with my family when I decided to swim without bathing clothes(waht we call this thing in English? things that are made of plastic and filled with air. Kids wear them to be safe while swimming. sometimes its shape like the wheels). After my brother had taught me some important tips about swimming, he went away to play and dive. Then, I tried to swim myself. I could do this for only one minute. After that, I started to lose a control. I tried to hold the pool's walls or let my body sinking to touch the pool's floor, but I went away of them. Applying my brother's advice, I tried to relax, but my body flopped. My heart was beating. I was forced to swallow amounts of water with chlorine. I wanted to scream or say anything, but my voice was not coming out. Though it was a few seconds, they passed as a long hour. Suddenly, someone held my hand. It was my brother who saw my hands' movements at the water surface and rescued me.
Zubaida   
Aug 10, 2010
Writing Feedback / my Toefl: which do you prefer?get up early and start day work or get up later... [4]

In the first supporting paragraph, you use the the fisrt-person pronoun (I)
In the second and the third supporting paragraph you use the the first- and the second-person pronoun (we and you), and sometimes you talk about people generally.

I think your pronounces should be consistent. you should not shift your point of view unnecessarily.

I hope this will help.
Good Luck
Zubaida   
Aug 11, 2010
Writing Feedback / A paragraph about something that makes me angry. [2]

Write a paragraph of approximately seven sentences describing something that makes you angry. Be sure your first sentence identifies the source of your anger.

I feel angry when I see some people throwing trash bags in public places. Having picnics at beaches and lakes is unenjoyable because of sickening smells. Plastic cups and cases are spattered on the green lawn though a lot of trash tanks spread in the garden. The most enraging scene is when I see some people arrive to the tank, but they put the trash out of it on the ground. They growl angrily if I ask them to put it in its place. Moreover, some of them throw tissues and water bottles by windows while driving cars. All these behaviors signify their selfishness and careless of others' rights, for no hard fine charged on them.
Zubaida   
Aug 11, 2010
Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay : Should Society Ban All Forms of Advertising? [8]

Various Companies usesuse this method to promote

Furthermore, it helps to build up...
On the other hand, w hen it comes to consumers, advertisements....
Furthermore, latest psychological researches have shown that children are highly influenced by the advertisement.
On the other hand, it can be seen that, the information...

However, nowadays the advising cost is very high and it directly effecton small companies and business. (effect is anoun. affect is averb)
I think you should say: it directly affects small companies and business.

This can be consider as a the biggest drawback (you should not use (a) and (the) together)

(There areis no mechanism for controlling) or There are no mechanisms for controlling

I hope this will help.
Good Luck
Zubaida   
Aug 11, 2010
Writing Feedback / A two-paragraph essay about speaking in front of a crowd of people. [4]

Write a two paragraph essay on the following theme: "One experience that almost everyone fears is when they have to speak in front of a crowd of people." In paragraph one, describe why people tend to view this is a frightening situation; in paragraph two, describe a time when you had to speak or perform in front of a crowd.

Speak in Public.
People usually tend to view speaking in front of a crowd of people is a frightening situation because of many reasons. First, people do not practice speaking in public. They have not used to speak reasonably and choose proper words in daily conversations with their friends and families. So they fear to fail their first experience in front of a large audience. Second, People feel scared, uncomfortable, and alone when standing on a stage with everyone's eyes focused on them and judging them. These feelings make them nervous and unable to perform effectively. Finally, some people simply do not know how to write and prepare for a reasonable speech. Thus, they lose confidence and the flow of their speech.

The first time I spoke in front of my classmates, I was unconscious. I forgot writing the subject on the board at the beginning. During the class, I avoided looking at my mentor who was assessing my performance. When it was reciting time, I remained speechless for a few seconds. My mouth was dry. Finally, as I could recite, my voice came out deep and choked, but I continued carelessly. While engaging in my speech, "It is enough" said my mentor. Her words gave me goose bumps. I had not yet mentioned all the lecture points. Going to my seat, I became on the verge of tears. For the rest of the class period, I kept getting angrier with myself. Why did not I manage class's time effectively? I thought to myself. "Though there are few weaknesses in your class, it was a good effort." my mentor said. When I heard that, I felt comfortable and more enthusiastic to perform a better class later.
Zubaida   
Aug 12, 2010
Speeches / Speech about the places of interest in Penang Island [4]

Tourists usually stroll along this busy...

and potted plants within the temple isare rendered harmless by the smoke of the burning inscence(incense).

I hope this will help.
Good Luck
Zubaida   
Sep 1, 2010
Writing Feedback / I disagree that television has destroyed communication between friends and family. [10]

Television may waste our time. F or example, spending time in watching movies

...has so many good programs which aware us about (aware is adjective. I think you should use a verb here. you can say: which make us aware about ...) what is going on in the world.

...there are so many things which ...

For example, housewives

there are so many things which we

we should be spend with friends and family.

I think it's better to restructure some of your sentences, you begin most of them with the words (we should)

I hope this will help.
Good Luck
Zubaida   
Sep 6, 2010
Undergraduate / Three qualities I look for in a friend are honesty, participation, and respect. [3]

Write three paragraphs beginning with the sentence: "Three qualities I look for in a friend are ________, ________, and _____________. " Each paragraph will develop briefly each of the three qualities you identify in this opening sentence.

note: my friend would be a girl, so I use the pronouns she and her...

Who is my Friend?

Three qualities I look for in a friend are honesty, participation, and respect.

Honesty is the baseline for all healthy friendships. An honest friend is always with me in all my chosen paths and helps me when I need. She is as a clear mirror and prepared to advise me, whether I'm right or wrong. When I'm right, she supports me. When I 'm wrong, she stops me and tells me the truth. She always remembers me with nice memories and never backbites me or allows anyone to do. Honesty protects friends from gossips said about them and keeps the friendship strong and lasts forever.

The second quality I like in my friend is participation. Friendship usually dies if it depends only on fun and entertainment. Friends should practice works together to get fun and benefit. For example, studying for a test is beneficial and enjoyable at the same time. Swimming in a sunny day is a funny sport that leaves nice feelings in friends' hearts. Going to lunch with friends or walking in the park refresh emotions and give hearts power to confront life problems. Friends know each other more than before, deepen the friendship, and improve their personalities as they participate something together.

Finally, respect between friends is an important quality that reinforces friendship. Friends should recognize the differences between them allowing each to be her own person. Appreciating the other's values builds the friendship strongly. It is indeed not the similarities that bind friends together, but it is their ability to accept their differences and to be able to expect mutual affection from each other. Respect develops a level of trust between friends and once that is established, they can like each other and share personal thoughts and secrets.
Zubaida   
Sep 19, 2010
Writing Feedback / Memorable people that influenced you (my grandmother) - Cbest writing [3]

I think this sentence needs another thought to complete it:
Since they were feed only green grass and other plants from the big field.
you could say:

As a result,They looked healthy and happy since they were feed only green grass and other plants from the big field.
or:
Since they were feed only green grass and other plants from the big field, they looked healthy and happy.

Another thing I want to say about punctuation:
you should not leave a space between the comma and the word that comes before it, and leave a space between the comma, period and the word that comes after them.

I hope this will help.
Good Luck
Zubaida   
Sep 19, 2010
Writing Feedback / My Favorite Holiday is Eid Al-Fitr [4]

Write a two paragraph essay (one page) on your favorite season or holiday of the year.

My Favorite Holiday.
My favorite holiday is Eid Al-fitr, which is one of the two most important Islamic celebrations. It's on the first day of Shawwal Month(which is correct? Month or month) and symbolizes the celebration of break-fasting after completing the fasting of the entire month(which is correct? Month or month) of Ramadan. People usually perform some rituals in this holiday. They recite the Takbir all throughout the period of Eid. They dress in their finest clothes and adorn their homes with lights and decorations. On the first day of Eid, they go to mosques early in the morning to pray the Eid prayer and listen to a short sermon given by the Imam. After the prayer, they congratulate each other and say some common greetings such as: Id mubarak "Blessed Eid" or Id sa'id "Happy Eid". Some old men and women give children sweets and candies. Then, people scatter to visit their relatives, friends and acquaintances. Coffee, chocolates, and dates are served for guests in this holiday. In each family, adults give children small sums of money which are(which is correct? is or are) called Eidi.

The most enjoyable Eid I have ever been is this year's Eid. My first delivery was only twenty days ago, so my sisters came to my apartment before the holiday to clean it, decorate furniture and prepare chocolates plates for guests. I and my husband planed for a nice party with my family on the first day. The night before Eid, we hanged ornaments, blew balloons, and put flowers in my family house. At the party where all my family members and many relatives were, we made phone calls to distant relatives to give well-wishes for the holiday. Then, we all played some enjoyable games together. My father and mother gave all kids gifts. The special thing was that my twenty-one-days baby took a nice gift from his grandparents. On the second day, my friends and teachers surprised me when they visited me and gifted my cute baby Abdulla a baby cart and an amazing set of clothes. My husband's family and his relatives also visited me to see our new guest; my cute baby. At the end of Eid, Abdullah had a lot of gifts and sums of money from the family members, relatives, and friends.
Zubaida   
Sep 24, 2010
Writing Feedback / Happy is difficult to define. What factors are important to achieve happiness? [3]

People around the world are looking for something, day by day, called "happyhappiness ".

All of them try to make their lives become better, or in other worlds , to be happier.
I think you meant: in other words.

Once, I went to a charity center for disabilitydisable children to celebrate a mid-summer affair party.
disability is a noun. we need an adjective here.

I hope this will help.
Good Luck.
Zubaida   
Sep 24, 2010
Writing Feedback / a one-page essay (how you relax after getting home from school or work.) [5]

Write a one-page essay describing how you relax after getting home from school or work. Start the first sentence with "After" or "When". Start the second sentence with the word "Next". Proceed as you wish after that.

That is What I Do When I Get Home
(Is it a good title? if it isn't, help me with a suitable one)

When I get home every day from my school at 1:30 clock, I 'm as if I were swimming in a pool of sweat. I take off my shoes and my socks, for my sweaty feet are begging for air. Next, I immediately headed to the kitchen to greet my mother, who is cooking lunch, and kiss her right hand and her head. Trying to lessen the extreme hot, I sit on the chair in front of the air-conditioner and drink three glasses of water. As I feel a little refreshed, I go to my room, put my bag on my desktop, pick up bathrobe, and go quickly to the bath to take a warm shower. In the bathroom, I wash my white socks in the sink by myself and hung them behind the bathroom door to be dried, so I can wear them the next day. Then, I take off my school's uniform and throw it in the washing machine. To get rid of all dirt and sweat, I wash my body with hot water and perform ablution. Before going out of the bathroom, I turn on the washing machine. After this warm refreshing bath, I feel relaxed. I wear a comfortable robe and pray Zuhr Prayer. Then, I head immediately to the kitchen, where I find my mom finished cooking lunch meal, and prepare the dining table. I put the pots, dishes, spoons, forks, and glasses on the table. As I finished, I call all my family members to come for lunch. During the lunch, each one of my family talks about his day. After enjoying a delicious lunch, I pick up the utilities, wipe the table, and wash the dishes. On my way to my room, I take my school uniform from the washing machine, dry it, and then iron it. Now, it's time to check my email and enjoy reading letters from friends. I also listen to the newscast that comes on Al-Jazeera Channel. Next, I lay on my warm bed, open my favorite magazine, and read different articles. As I finally recite some prayers softly to relax and soothe myself, I fall into a deep sleep with happy dreams. See you later!
Zubaida   
Sep 24, 2010
Writing Feedback / a one-page essay (how you relax after getting home from school or work.) [5]

Thank you for your suggestions.
To get rid of all dirt and sweat, I wash my body with hot water and perform ablution.
(You just took a shower, why you wash your body again?????)
In my religion, I should perform special ablution to pray. If I eliminate this deatail, I should also eliminate that I pray Zuhr prayer in the next sentence.

where I find my mom already finished cooking lunch meal, and prepared the dining table
I prepare the dining table, not my mother. It should be ( prepare in the present tense. Right???)

Thank you
Zubaida   
Sep 27, 2010
Writing Feedback / Saudi Arabia - one important thing about your country that you would change? [4]

Here are my suggestions:
Saudi Arabia is my country, which is follows the Islamic rules in its life ,and I would change the most important thing that annoys me to apply it in this country on all women , it's wearing black Abaya. T his rule is making me disappointdisappointed(disappoint is a verb, you should use an adjective here) for many reasons from many directions .

as we do in other countries ,

Hijab. M oreover, there are none Muslims whom don't have these rules in their religionsto wear it. S o, we shouldn't letforce them to wear it either they agree with or not .

the weather here is hot doesn't satiable the black Abaya which absorb the sun's rays (this sentence is unclear. restructure it)

I hope this will help.
Good Luck

the black Abaya which absorbs the sun's rays. T herefore, ...

the black one. A nother example,

whatever women wants to. F or example, (women is a plural noun, so you sould not add s to the verb or you can say: whatever woma n wants )

to let her fly freely,

Islamic. T hese are my reasons to change wearing Abaya rule .
Zubaida   
Sep 27, 2010
Writing Feedback / The Holy Mosque in Mecca, Saudi Arabia - essay describing a place you like to visit. [5]

Write a one-page essay (double spaced) describing a place you like to visit. Be sure to give the name of the place, including the city, state, or country where it is located

My Favorite Place.

I like to visit the Holy Mosque in Mecca, Saudi Arabia, for its comfortable atmosphere and amazing architecture.
First, I enjoyed the comfortable atmosphere of the mosque. When I get in the mosque's yard, I see the Holy Ka'aba standing in the middle and Muslims are circling it, praying, and seeking blessings. Pigeons are flying free in the air and chirping happily as if they were praying with people. Zamzam wall inside the mosque provides water, which is known to be a medicine for any disease if it is drunk with complete trust in curing. Every time I visit this place, I drink many glasses of Zamzam water to refresh myself. The most incredible scene to me is when I see thousands of people from all over the world standing in neat rows around the Ka'aba during only one minute as they hear the muezzin's intonation announcing prayer's time. When the Imam recites verses softly with an angelic voice, tears comes to my eyes and I feel happy to the point that I want him not to stop.

Second, the Holy Mosque's architecture shows the Islamic decoration. It is a wide three-floor mosque. Floors are covered with special white marbles that don't absorb hotness to allow people walking barefoot on hot days. Pillars are designed to divide the mosque into neat sections. Domes and minarets are spread on the mosque's roof. Glorious big chandeliers are hung in the high ceiling to illuminate the mosque with white and yellow lights. Some parts of the mosque are ventilated by Central air conditioning. The most special thing in the Holy Mosque is the Ka'aba. It's a square shaped and covered with black clothe. Its door is also made of pure gold. Verses are embroidered with golden threads in many kinds of Arabic scripts such as Thuluth and Diwani which makes a marvelous round strap at the top of the Ka'aba. Maqam Ibraheem is found in front of Ka'aba and has a one stone inside it. This stone, which Ibraheem prophet used to rise when he was building the Ka'aba, is featuring the print of his feet.

That was the Holy Mosque at Mecca, the Islam's holiest shrine, where I like to go whenever I can. It is the perfect place where I feel comfortable and see marvelous architecture.
Zubaida   
Oct 2, 2010
Writing Feedback / "Don't be angry" valuble piece of advice my father once gave me. [7]

Write a one-page composition (double spaced) describing a valuable piece of advice someone once gave you. Use direct quotations to set off the quotation containing the advice and indicate the identity of the speaker

Do Not Be Angry.



"Don't be angry, don't be angry and don't be angry," said my father when he saw me and my sister playing with toys and she wanted to have my own toy. As I refuse to give it, we involved in a jangle. He continued, "Be patient, so we can find a proper solution for both of you." Many years later, I found how much valuable this advice was. I avoid (which form is correct? avid or avoided) many problems and harmful consequences by controlling my anger and improving anger management skills.

Though anger can be positive, uncontrolled anger usually leads to harmful consequences because it makes people behave unconsciously. "No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched," said George Jean Nathan. That is why domestic violence, child abuse, physical assault, and even murder are mostly result (which is correct? result or results) of anger. Anger has negative influence on health, relationships, and children. Chronic, high levels of anger are associated with an increased risk for health problems.Ffurthermore, frequent and intense outbursts, whether verbal or physical, can destroy marriages, break apart families, and ruin friendships. "Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret". The impact of intense anger on children, their feelings, and their personalities can be devastating.

No matter that we are angry, but the matter is how we can control our anger (which is better? we or you) . Such important tips should be taken to manage the anger effectively and make it positive. First, change your situation and take a deep breath to relax your body and clear your mind. Second, take a personal-time out to modify your thoughts and replace your angry images with a happy and peaceful one. Another way is applying self-talk technique; it is an inner dialogue in which you say phrases to yourself such as: "Serenity Now" to shift your feelings from anger to relaxation, so you can behave positively. Finally, always remember what Aristotle said: "Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way, that is not easy." Absolutely, it is easy if you train to control your anger and master anger management skills.
Zubaida   
Oct 2, 2010
Scholarship / "Where Spanish and American traditions merge" - Study abroad scholarship essay [9]

While living in Puerto Rico, I not only have the joy of learning to speak two of the most widely spoken languages in the world: (I think it's better to use a colon here) English and Spanish, but also to live surrounded by two different cultures.

and learn more about thisthese two fascinating cultures that are part of my everyday life.

When I was twelve, I asked my parents If we could move to the state of Florida.

Those words did not meantmean much at that time

W hen I now celebrate Martin Luther King's day and the fourth of July, I can truly say I understand why so many Americans...

After six years in Florida, I am back in Puerto Rico this time as a matured college student. As I take different courses at my university. I keep hearing the same complains from professors; (I thnk simicolon is good here) my generation is forgetting about the traditions and language our ancestors left us years ago.

Anglicism areis becoming very popular among young Puerto Ricans, and I fear I am of making the same unforgivable mistakes as them.

and deny themself (do you mean himself) from the experience

I know that this experience is vital to acquire new knowledge and it will enrich me in a personal and professional level.

program.they areIt is one of the five universities

In the university residence, I am not only going to live surrounded by Spaniards, but I am also going to

Nowadays, it is difficult to imagine a successful person that has not traveled . (use the past participle of the verb with has)

studying abroad.T his might be a once

As I write this, my mind is full of ideas

I hope this will help
Good Luck
Zubaida   
Oct 4, 2010
Scholarship / "Where Spanish and American traditions merge" - Study abroad scholarship essay [9]

I do not know how one can hesitate and deny himself from the experience of studying abroad in such an amazing country.

I am not sure about this but I think tend not to study is better than tend to not study

Other members may help you more and answer your questions.

Good Luck.
Zubaida   
Oct 5, 2010
Undergraduate / My Seven-Old-Year Nephew- A two-paragraph essay describing a person you now. [4]

Write a two-paragraph essay (double spaced) in which you describe a person you know. The paragraph should mention things you like about the person in the first paragraph, and things you don't like in the second paragraph

My Seven-Year-Old Nephew.
Yazan is my little nephew whom I admire his personality and spend a pleasure time with. My little nephew is dependable, benevolent, and skillful of many crafts but he has some bad habits such as scrawling on walls, eating junk food, and ... (I need a word that means he always wants to win and never accept defeat).

Let me tell you about his positives. First, he is dependable that I feel confident to keep my money with him or sometimes ask him to go to the grocery and buy a list of things. His mother could leave his brothers with him to look after them when she has an appointment. And he always fulfills all of these tasks sufficiently. Second, he enjoys helping others. As my father comes back from the supermarket, he runs immediately to carry foods and bags with him. Moreover, he is skillful at reading stories, using computer, and practicing sports. (Which preposition should we use with skillful. Is at correct?) Though he is only seven years old, he uses word processor program to print short stories that he enjoys. He also downloads songs and animated films to watch with his brothers. He goes on Tuesdays to take karate lessons. In fact, I like watching him doing new movements that he has learned every week. The most enjoyable thing with my nephew is reading. Once he buys his favorite monthly magazine, we dramatize the stories scenes and act the speaking parts as part of a stage play.

On the other hand, my little nephew has some negatives. He scrawls on walls whenever he finds a pen. One day, I gave him an eraser to clean my room walls which are decorated with his scrawls and drawings. Another thing, he likes to eat junk food such as chips and chocolates. Every time we go to the supermarket, he heads to snack food and soft drinks section and cries till his father allows him to buy a Seven-Up bottle and a chocolate bar, so he eats them while we are shopping. In addition, he stills awake till midnight and sleeps without brushing his teeth. Thus, most of his teeth are ... (I need an adjective from cavity. Which word is suitable?) The worst characteristic is that he never accepts defeat even in playing. As I win a Lingo game with him, he starts giving excuses to his rout and talks about his victories in previous games.
Zubaida   
Oct 9, 2010
Undergraduate / "As a cheerleader" - FSU & Summer Bridge CARE Essay [4]

Since I was eight years old, I have committed

My dedication and enthusiasm for this sport doesdo (the subject is plural, so use do not does) not go unnoticed.

After ana severe decrease in my family's income, I had

Good Luck
Zubaida   
Oct 11, 2010
Writing Feedback / IELTS; "No boundary for art";Why creative artists be given freedom to express ideas! [2]

Here are my suggestions:

The subject here is plural: Culture and existence, so use are
Culture and existence of each society isare identified by its artists.

But the subject here is singular: restriction, so add s to the verb
I think restriction of creative artists' believes shows the government

I n this condition dictatorship government don't let artists to works freely, people should support them.

if some kinds of arts increase the amount of risky behavior among people especially younger, they should be concerned and limited.

I hope this will help
Good Luck
Zubaida   
Nov 6, 2010
Writing Feedback / When in Rome, do as the Romans do. a paragraph discussing a common cliché. [3]

Write a paragraph discussing a common cliché that you feel is overused or inaccurate.

When In Rome, Do As the Romans Do.



One day, my uncle travelled to England to visit his British friend. When they went to the restaurant, his friend invited him to eat pig meet but my aunt refused, "we don't eat pig meet in my country." His friend replied, "Give it a try! When in Rome, do as the Romans do." What does this proverb mean? How can we decide whether to follow it or not when we confront a new custom in a new place?

"When in Rome, do as the Romans do" means that when you are visiting a new place, follow local customs and act as people acting in that place. However, this proverb sometimes can be a really bad idea. When you are faced with a new tradition in a new place, you have to think before doing as the Romans do. In making this decision, three main considerations are important: etiquette consideration, practical consideration, and ethical consideration. First, etiquette considerations are little rules that are not worth to worry about like keeping both hands on the table -or otherwise in sight - as a sign of politeness when you are in Germany. Why? That is the rule. In this case, just follow the custom and roll on with your life. But when you are faced with a practical tradition such as the south Asian custom of eating with hands, think about how your act will affect you and people around and what is the fallout of your behavior? Your decision depends on the particular group of people you are socializing with. Finally, never follow customs that you find them ethically wrong. For example, if you religiously or healthily believe of not drinking alcohol, never drink it wherever you are and whoever serves it to you, even it might be rude or your hosts will get upset at your impoliteness. Though "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" is a good proverb in few cases, I prefer Emily Page' advice: "If you're trying your best to be polite, to take into consideration the feelings of those around you, while also sticking to your ethical principles, then no one who has manners themselves should fault you".
Zubaida   
Feb 22, 2011
Writing Feedback / "death penalty is applied unfairly and randomly" pros and cons of the death penalty [3]

In a two-page (double spaced) essay, discuss the pros and cons of the death penalty. In your essay, include some easily obtainable facts relative to the subject such as: the countries that currently impose the death penalty; the type of crimes that are associated with this penalty; whether some of those executed might in fact be innocent; how the punishment is administered, etc. Be sure to document properly any sources used. Feel free to give your own opinion as a conclusion to the paper.

Death Penalty
Death penalty is the capital punishment in which the regime ends someone's life because of doing a serious crime. It is a controversial issue though it is recognized in all religions. According to Amnesty International, March 2010, ninety five countries have abolished death penalty for all crimes, nine countries for ordinary crimes, and thirty five countries in practice, but fifty eight countries are still applying death penalty such as United States, Philippine, and Saudi Arabia. Used methods are hanging, firing, electrocution, gas chamber, and lethal injection.

Many lawyers and human rights activists claim that death penalty should be abolished for many reasons. Studies show that execution does not prevent future crimes and murderers and states in U.S without death penalty have lower rates of murderer. Also, death penalty sometimes applied unfairly to innocent people. The race of the victim and the defendant affects determining who is sentenced to the penalty. Since death penalty does not heal wounds or end pain, millions that spent on death penalty should be paid to assist the victim's family. Death penalty is applied randomly; Factors such as jurisdiction and quality of legal counsel play a major role in determining death penalty more than the fact of the crime itself. Life without parole is a sensible alternative to the death penalty.

On the other hand, the supporters of the death penalty also have some reasons of using this punishment. It deters murderers to do more crimes in the future because they would lose their lives and life without parole doesn't make the expected same effect as death penalty. Studies that show increasing crime rate in states with death penalty are inconclusive, that is only because death penalty takes years before an execution is actually carried out. Death penalty saves the value on protecting life and brings closure to victim's family. If there are innocent people have been executed, improvements are needed in the justice system. The need of reform is not a reason to abolish death penalty. "High paid, skillful lawyers should not be able to get some defendants off on technicalities. The existence of some systemic problems is no reason to abandon the whole death penalty system." (Death Penalty Curriculum, 2001)

Before involving in previous arguments for and against the death penalty, I think some procedures should be taken to prevent the causes that led to crimes. The government should afford to provide the essential needs and rights for everyone in the country and control all kinds of crimes, drugs, and alcohol use, so people would not need to kill each other to get their rights. Then studies would be significant and conclusive because they will show real facts and results and it would be almost no crimes. Unfortunately, all previous conditions are not realistic in our world these days. But one day in the seventh century they were real when Omar Bin Alkhattab had been ruling the Islamic country -which was form Afghanistan to Libya and from East Turkey to Yemen- for 20 years. Study by Akram Alamri in his book Asr Alkhilafa Arrashida shows that only about ten executions administered throughout 20 years in which the criminal should be executed according to the Islamic law such as treason, piracy (essentially armed robbery), murder, terrorism, rape including pedophilia, some cases of adultery, and homosexual intercourse _crimes that affect the community as a whole and destabilize the society. Murder was treated as a civil crime and covered by the law of retaliation, whereby the relatives of the victim decide whether the offender is punished with death by the authorities or made to pay wergild as compensation.

When the government does the death penalty on the right person, at the right time, in the right way, for the right purpose, and when the rules are equally applied on guilty persons despite their races, their sex and their ages (except protected groups such as pregnant women, ill mentally people, and juveniles), decreasing in the crime rate would occur and then the punishment would gain its supposed goals; deterrence, justice, and mercy. But as death penalty is applied unfairly and randomly, more of violence accidents and crimes would occur.

Works Cited

Alamri, Akram, Asr Alkhilafa Arrashida, Riyadh: Obeikan Library, 1996. Print
Death Penalty Curriculum for High School. 1 Nov 2001. Michigan State University Comm Tech Lab and Death Penalty Information Center.
Zubaida   
Apr 3, 2011
Writing Feedback / SAT essay. "Can succes be disastrous?" [4]

I advised you to change your point of view in this paragraph, I think it is better to write in general than using the pronoun "you"

Success means achieving planswhat you have planned , fulfillingyour dreams, getting higher and higher on the social ladder, all in all having the perfect life.

like not having time for youra family and friends.
he didn't listen to hehis colleagues warnings

I hope this will help,
Good Luck
Zubaida   
Apr 3, 2011
Graduate / SOP for Msc in Renewable Energy: a successful engineer [4]

I have completed a four-year degree in Mechanical engineering

Due to my social and flexible nature, I enjoy a very diverse circle of friends. With an approachable personality, I am able to put at ease, everyone I work with.

Finally, I believe that life is a constant learning process

I hope this will help.
Good Luck
Zubaida   
Apr 4, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS - old buildings were rebuilt or redesigned [4]

However, there are increasingly many old buildings are becoming the victim during the process of the city modernization.

or you could say:
However, many old buildings are increasingly becoming the victim during the process of the city modernization.

They do not only show the world that specific architecture style of their own period, but also are the real history 'books'.

Certainly, we must appreciate some imperative and reasonable rebuildingsis out of the safe consideration.

I hope this will help.
Good Luck.
Zubaida   
Apr 6, 2011
Writing Feedback / A Two-page essay discussing how the rest of the world view America. [2]

America's Image in the World.



For many decades, America is known as the most powerful and rich country in the world. It's known for its freedom, its democracy, its influence on other countries, its international universities, its high values and for its charity. However, America's portrayal through others lenses around the world is varying from positive views to negative ones. America's positive reputation was more popular many years ago. After September tragedy, the position has changed. According to recent surveys, it becomes bad and is still worsening. Why do the American image and reputation recently become bad? Do people around the world view America as they view American people and values? How are both viewed? And what are the motives behind America's view whether it is positive or negative?

The positive image of America is built on its good values such as justice, democracy, and freedom. The American people image is much better than the America United States. The BBC poll showed that Indians, Japanese, and Russian view American people positively. Muslims feelings are mixed but still more positive than America itself. Some American aspects are also admired such as the technological and scientific evolution, the diversity of races and cultures of the American nation, and American media. "American movies and television programs get mixed reviews while American science and technology engender substantial respect around the world." (Kull, 2007)

After September attacks, the American democracy is discredited by the failure to achieve values that America has promoted for decades. A poll, which was conducted for BBC in eighteen countries to know peoples' views of America's influence in the last three years, showed that positive views of America across the eighteen countries have slipped from forty percent in 2005 to thirty six percent in 2006 to 29 percent in 2007. Negative views have risen from forty six percent in 2005 to fifty two percent in 2007.

Many special attitudes that associated with the American foreign policy helped to destroy the positive image and aroused strong resentment. For example, the American Military presence in the Middle East without an approval and dealing way with detainees in Guantanamo and other prisons caused more problems to America and viewed it less democratic. The global economic crisis also undermined the confidence in the American economical system. Furthermore, the way America deals with many international issues gets a substantial disdain in the region. The majority rate in the BBC poll disapproves how America interacts with six current issues: Iraq War, treatment of Guantanamo detainees, the Israeli Hezbollah war, Iran's nuclear program, global warming, and North Korea's nuclear program. In another question about American military presence in the Middle East, only sixteen percent view it as "a stabilizing force" while sixty nine percent believe that it arouses more conflicts in the region.

It is obviously that the main motive that shapes negative perceptions of America is American foreign policy. According to BBC poll, people around the world related their negative feelings toward America to its foreign policies not its values. In Arabian country, people are more specific about the primary reason of their hatred toward America. They see that America is supporting Israel though it continuously violates all the international laws. "In the region, much of the resentment of the United States is based on the Arab-Israeli conflict, which has been a visible sore point in the U.S-Saudi relationship since the collapse of Arab-Israeli peace negotiations," said Telhami in his book America in the Middle East. A poll conducted in fifteen cities in Saudi Arabia by Saudi Arabian newspaper Al-Watan revealed that seventy five percent of polled people referred the cause of their hatred to American influence in Arab-Israeli conflict in Palestine while 5 percent only referred their hatred to the consequences of September attacks. (Asila, 2007)

So, what is the world seeking from America? Steven Kull answered, "What the world is looking for is reassurance that the US is constrained by the rules that the US itself has promoted; that it is still committed to the rule of international law, to limits on the use of military force, to respect for human rights, and to fairness in the world economic system."

Works Cited

Asila, Sobhi. "Confusing Hearts and minds." Arab Insight 1.2 (Fall 2007): 30-13. PDF file.
Kull, Steven. America's Image in the World, March 6, 2007. World Public Opinion. Program on International Policy Attitudes University of Maryland.
Sengul. Zeunep. "Kitap Tahlilleri" Rev. of The Stakes: America in the Middle East, by Shilby Telhami, Jan. 2004. London, Westview Press.

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