donrocks
Oct 3, 2010
Undergraduate / A beautiful campus, engineering and Co-op program - Why Northwestern College Essay [4]
If, you scroll through my posts, you would find many essays in which I found a common mistake. No research and personal touch! I am very glad that you come as a breath of fresh air.
Good Points:
1)Nice and clean language that appeals to all. Good!
2)Nice research and love for college is clearly visible. Length is not an issue unless, you have breached the word limit. If not, cool!
Pts. needed to worked on:
1)
This needs a new para. The point is that this is one very crucial factor associated to you and we don't want it to be blurred.
2) Conclusion came.... very jerkily. Try to link it up with some part of the essay to have a smooth flow throughout the essay.
3) Work on the commas and exclamation. Also work on a opening line linked to you and your character.... preferrably something that would bring a smile on their face. Something maybe about how you are drooling for the college.( :) Don't write drool, lol)
Its a decent essay but just seems to be a bore in places. A few light lines and all will be well. Don't cut out words because that would break the flow.
If, you scroll through my posts, you would find many essays in which I found a common mistake. No research and personal touch! I am very glad that you come as a breath of fresh air.
Good Points:
1)Nice and clean language that appeals to all. Good!
2)Nice research and love for college is clearly visible. Length is not an issue unless, you have breached the word limit. If not, cool!
Pts. needed to worked on:
1)
. I had a taste of working in a professional environment
This needs a new para. The point is that this is one very crucial factor associated to you and we don't want it to be blurred.
2) Conclusion came.... very jerkily. Try to link it up with some part of the essay to have a smooth flow throughout the essay.
3) Work on the commas and exclamation. Also work on a opening line linked to you and your character.... preferrably something that would bring a smile on their face. Something maybe about how you are drooling for the college.( :) Don't write drool, lol)
Its a decent essay but just seems to be a bore in places. A few light lines and all will be well. Don't cut out words because that would break the flow.