Writing Feedback / "Riding a motorcycle in Vietnam" - Risk you have taken, why and was it worth it? [4]

Hi people!
Please help me with my practice CBEST writing, I have been failed the test for over 30 times. I started to take the test since 2003. Please save my life. Thank you so much

Topic: Everyone has taken a risk at some time in his or her life. Write about a risk you have taken. Discuss why you took this risk and whether it was worth taking.

My response
Some people are eager taking risks on their life, feeling great for overcoming with the obstacles. Others deny taking risk for their own safes. As for me, riding a motorcycle in Vietnam without a permit was my tremendous risk.

I remember last summer I took a vacation trip to Vietnam for visiting my grandmother's hometown. Motorcycles and bicycles were the mainly transportation in Vietnam. Unfortunately, international driving permits and the U.S drivers' licenses were not valid in Vietnam; nevertheless, the processing for applying a driving permit was complicated, so I decided to rent a motorcycle for my transportation without the permit during my staying.

Riding a motorcycle in Vietnam was extremely dangerous. The traffic was chaotic. There were poor road conditions with uneven pavement. I was almost making an accident when I bumped into a big hole on the road. I didn't even see any speed limit or yield signs on the way. In addition, motorbike riders and pedestrians didn't obey traffic's rules. The traffic moved on the right, but drivers frequently crossed to the left to pass other vehicles and pedestrians who crossed the road illegally. Paying attention and concentrating were very much to do for my riding. It was highly anxious when I had to prepare to break frequently because other drivers sudden stop anytime.

Consequently, everything that I had done was a risk and it wasn't worth taking. Yet, the possible outcome could be harmful to my safety. I might end up my life in a motorcycle accident or I might kill a pedestrian with my inexperience driving.

Undergraduate / Regret Situation - taking the Writing Skill Test (WST) [5]

Please help me revise this essay. Thanks
Topic: We have all walked away from situation in our lives-work, school, family matters that we have regretted. Have you ever walked away from a situation under less than ideal circumstances then later regretted your action? Discuss the situation, and then explain how you could have handled things differently.

Respond:

I have gone through many difficult experiences in my life, but these challenges came a great deal of learning. One difficulty I had was taking the Writing Skill Test (WST), a writing test that all undergraduates must pass. This is also my regret. If I had to go back and do it all over again, I would handle my test differently.

My parents always told me to finish four-year diploma, no matter how hard it is because based on their experiences, higher education will always benefit later in life. Immigrating to the United States when they reached at the end of the middle age, my parents didn't have a chance to go back to college. Therefore, the expectation for my successful future was their dream and obsession. I were pushed and---to success. However, studying under a lot pressure that made me so anxious; I kept failing the WST test several times and caused of delaying my school work. I told myself I couldn't afford to fail again because graduating from college was not only my fulfillment, but also it was my parent's dream. When all my earnest attempts failed, I decided to cheat on the test. I knew cheating was bad, but at the time, it seemed to be my only chance. I passed the test and graduated. I fulfilled my life dream and my parents' dream, but I wasn't ecstatic.

Later on in my life, I met many professional tests that were more challenge than the WST and I found myself more struggle with them than ever before. I have come to realize that I could cheat once but not for my whole life. Consequently, cheating was not a solution regardless of any under circumstance.

If I could can the past, I would do it all over again. I shouldn't have cheated on the test. It diminished my confidence, lowered my self-esteem, and lose my pride and dignity. Rather, I would make of an effort to pass the test honestly. I have come to realize that learning is along process of life, and diploma is not valuable when I haven't truly earned it.

Undergraduate / "a special education teacher" - Why I choose educational field [5]

Please help to revise for me. Thank you so much
Prompt: Why you choose educational field?
My Respond:
Back into my first few years at college, I was still exploring, flirting with the challenge of trying to pinpoint which, among a few professions, would be most suitable to pursue. Finally, I chose to be a teacher for one simple reason: I would have more days off and full summer vacation. My decision became seriously with my passion toward teaching children with disabilities after I met Daniel, my point of view had altered.

I remember it was Monday evening, like any ordinary day; my friend called me with unenergetic voice when I just had finished my diner. She asked me to watch over her two years old son in a couple hours because she needed to help her mother in a hospital for an emergency. I was eager to stay with the boy because working with children was my best interest, but after my initial interaction with Daniel, I knew it was so much difficult to work with a special child.

The boy had all the symptoms of autism. He didn't respond when I engaged him in some games and activities. He just sat quietly at the corner and looked aimlessly at one point. Daniel seemed like to be in his own world. I didn't know what to do after many attempts failed, but when I saw his bright smile I couldn't control my tears. Why a child with perfect look had to be isolated in his own world? Suddenly, Daniel came to me and touched the tears on my face; from that moment I felt the bonding between us. Daniel's innocent smile hunted me that night and I wanted to do something better for him.

Afterward, I did a research about autism, and I noted that this---disability can be lessen if it was early intervention. I signed up for my credential classes for teaching children with disabilities and determined to become a special education teacher. Yet, I have always wanted to be a teacher, not merely having a long summer vacation, but for making a different in one's life.

Writing Feedback / "the doctor announced that I was pregnant" - Courageous action [5]

Prompt: Reflect back on an incident in your life or in the life of someone you know that required a courage action? Describe the incident and explain how it involved courage.

Respond:

I was shocked when the doctor announced that I was pregnant. I didn't expect a pregnancy at this time, when my relationship had ended a month ago. My boyfriend didn't know that I was pregnant because we hadn't planned it. For the first time in my life, I had to face a difficult situation that required a courageous action. I was a college student whose school expenses depended on financial aid and family support. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to take care of my baby.

I come from an immigrant family and was the only child who could attend college. I was always told that finishing college was my first priority. Strongly believing in education, my parents sacrificed a great deal to see that I was provided with quality education. However, if I told them what was happening to me, I was afraid that they would be disappointed and wouldn't be forgive me. Though, I decided to keep my baby and confided to my parents.

Although I don't remember exactly how our conversation went on that day, I was aware that it was an extremely uneasy moment for me. It was hard for my parents to accept the truth. They were astounded and frustrated. They suggested that I should have an abortion and continued my education; otherwise, they wouldn't support me with my finance.

I knew that being a single mother was not an easy task, especially, I had to deal with my own finance. Eventually, I had to search for a full-time job everywhere, from an Internet to a newspaper. Luckily, I had found a full-time job and obtained heath insurance covered for my baby and myself. But most importantly, I was interested in the job I was doing. I worked as a maternity care assistant at the OB doctor's office, and I decided to continue my education in the medical field.

I was surprised to discover that I had so much energy, which allowed me to work at the daytime and go to school during nighttime. Maybe it was because of the anticipation of becoming a mother that made me so much stronger. I have come to realize that life doesn't go as smoothly as we expect sometimes. Yet, at low point in our lives, and under difficult circumstances, we need to respond with courageous action

Writing Feedback / Digital textbooks vs Textbook [12]

I read an article that mentioned about future used of digital textbook in schools, hence I think about it for a good topic to write about. So, please check for my grammar

Prompt: Digital textbooks should be used in schools. Agree or disagree, explain?
Respond
There is no doubt that schools are always adding new and providing learning materials to students. Using digital textbooks is one of the ways to improve our teaching and learning tools. It benefits students by saving time, enhancing students' computer skills, and offering a paperless system.

Time is so fleeting in this day and age. Starting on the first day of school, students are supposed to work immediately, and they are assigned homework and reading right away. Unfortunately, some of them are unable to complete the project on time because they do not have textbooks ready for them to check out. It is quick and convenient for students when they do not have to spend hours at a library or bookstore to check out books.

Nowadays, we are continually informed about new technology that is being developed to improve our quality of life. We can access to a library or other information with a touch of a button. Ordinary citizens can use their credit cards to purchase a limitless variety of products in countries throughout the world. Some online courses do not require students to attend class. The students just turn a computer on and look at the computer screen for lessons. The idea of having digital textbooks would give students the opportunity to learn new techniques to prepare students with certain computer skills when they are going to a higher grade.

Equally important, saving our environment and resources are our first priority. School children are always told to keep the earth green. Adults are told about global warming; particularly when tons of trees have been torn down to make paper products. Some companies such as banks and credit cards encourage their clients with instant discount when the customers sign up for a paperless system. Obviously, a nonprinting system such as digital textbooks would be a solution to make a green land.

To this end, these are the main factors of having digital textbooks in our schools. This new attempt takes a big step in the right direction of enhancing our teaching and learning tools. It maximizes students' time, improves their computer skills, and makes the world better.

Writing Feedback / Home school vs Traditional school. Which would you prefer? [4]

Please take a look on my essay and revise it. Thank you a lot

Prompt: In the future, students may have the choice of studying at home by using technology such as computers or television or of stuying at traditional schools. Which would you prefer?

Response:
In today's past-paced, driven society. We often talk about the convenience of technology it might bring. However, learning at home by using technology such as computer or television would have a negative effect in students' learning. It limits students' scocialization, eliminates leadership's role, and causes of poor academic performance.

Initially, going to traditional school, students not only learn lecture, but also learn how to socialize. They have a full oportunuity to build real friendship and companion in school. Also, students would have a chance to develop social and communication skills such as how to ask questions and get feedback from teachers and peers, which contribute a great academic success.

Furthermore, studying at home, students would have no chance to present in front of audience. They would have lack of presentation skills, which give them a hard time to express their feelings and speeches. Gradually, these disadvantages would lower students' confidence. Ultimately, they would have less chance to be in a leadership's roles.

Besides, home schooling by using technology would be a major distract since television provides varied channels that attract students to entertain rather than to study. At the same mean, computer could be a good tool for studying, but it also brings some negative effects. For instance, some students are addicted to online games and chatrooms on the computer. Therefore, they might not able to focus on study.

Those are the main factors of having students go to traditional schools. Maybe a few people would oppose, but going to traditional schools is makes sense, because it benefits students both in class and outside of academic.

Writing Feedback / V-chip to block TV channels by parents - agree or disagree? [5]

Hi everyone!
I had this question on my actual exam and I failed it.(I'm ashamed to say so, but it happened). I don't remember exactly the prompt, but something like this: Can V-chip device use for parents to block the channels that they don't want their children to view. Agree or disagree? Please help me with my grammar, sentences...I will have the test again this Sat. I'm so scare. Whenever I think about the test, I would sweat and feel that I will fail again. Thanks in advance

My response

Nowadays parents are worry because their children spend as much as five to six hours for watching television; especially, it offers so many unwanted content channels for the watchers. Fortunately, v-chip is one of the effective ways to prevent children from viewing these unsafe media by helping parents to block objectionable shows, preventing children from obscene and indecent programming, and reducing hours of watching television.

There are too many violent scenes on objectionable shows. Some experts say there are 25 acts of violence per hour on television. The fights, shootings, and crimes are threatening people. Besides, the actions may seem too real to handle which influence children' behavior negatively. Young people tend to imitate what they watch on the shows and may start to behave more aggressively.

In addition, television has ton of obscene and indecent programming that content inappropriate images and language for children. Instead of watching television to learn new things around the world, teenagers might draw to media coverage that is inappropriate for their age. Gradually, this kind of language immerges naturally in their daily lives and becomes a phenomenon that is hard to accept.

V-chip device is an effective tool to prevent television addiction. Many children flop down in front of the television right after going home from school. They spend too many hours to watch their favorite shows, and have very little time to do physical activities that can cause of obesity and overweight. With V-chip, parents can choose educational channels and set adequate time, which form a good habit for children.

These are the main factors for having V-chip device. It is one of the best ways to help secure children from negative content television channels. It is time to realize how harmful for children to watch the shows without parents concern, and it is time to save our children from it.