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Posts by jamliu0229
Joined: Apr 4, 2011
Last Post: Nov 18, 2011
Threads: 9
Posts: 24  

From: China

Displayed posts: 33
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jamliu0229   
Nov 18, 2011
Writing Feedback / 【IELTS】Childcare is an important task for nations. [3]

Please help me to check it. Thank you!

Childcare is an important task for nations. It is suggested that all mothers and fathers should be required to take childcare training courses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, childcare plays a significant role in our families and even our country. How to become knowledgeable mothers and fathers is fairly concerned by expectant mothers and fathers. From my perspective, I completely agree that parents-to-be had better learn some knowledge from childcare courses.

It is advisable that would-be mothers and fathers attend some childcare training classes. Firstly, some young mothers have no knowledge about how to care about their babies, which would lead some negative influences on their young children, such as illness, innutrition or injury. In addition, many parents have no good skills to teach their young children. To be more exact, some of them have little patient on teaching repeatedly. It is necessary to be educated through childcare training courses for these parents. Finally, fathers can know how heavy it is to take care of children for mothers after being childcare education. Therefore, it will promote families amity at some extent.

However, if childcare classes are compulsory to every would-be parent, it will put more stress on them. For example, there are many worked mothers having little time on children care, so it is not reasonable to compel them to attend extra childcare classes. Moreover, many young mothers can acquire childcare knowledge through other ways. For instance, surf the Internet, inquire their parents or listen to radios.

In summary, I do approve of learning childcare to mothers and fathers, but I think it would be optional to them. All of these would-be mothers should have knowledge about childcare, but not only just limit them attend courses. Training classes should be selective and practical.
jamliu0229   
Sep 13, 2011
Writing Feedback / Freedom of artists-ielts task 2 [2]

Freedom, the wonderland for each artist's creativeness, can result in appearance of masterpieces in music, art and cinema, so on.

Freedom, the wonderland for each artist's creativeness, can result in (the ) appearance of masterpieces in music, art , cinema and so forth .

shouldn't--->should not (It would be better to avoid abbreviation in IELTS writing)

Beside good content compositions, some poor quality ones with meaningless lyrics or vulgar words released can have bad influence on the community.

Beside good content compositions, it would have undesirable influence on the community, if some poor quality ones released meaningless lyrics or vulgar words.

I suggest you can use some advanced adjectives to replace "good" and "bad".
I hope it can help you.
jamliu0229   
Sep 12, 2011
Writing Feedback / TOEFL-Is Money the most important aspect of a job? [9]

In fact, for many people,it may be much more important than money.

I believe she could find other jobs with higher salary if she want, but it seems like nothing can be substituted for her fondness of chimpanzees.

jamliu0229   
Sep 12, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY - GOVERNMENT SUPPORTING ARTISTS [3]

Take for instance the great Leonardo Da Vinci who had produced numerous magnificent and splendid masterpiece.

Take for instance the great Leonardo Da Vinci who had produced numerous magnificent and splendid masterpieces .

Looking from another perspective, there are other essential fields that are either still new or waiting to be explored such as in the research sector.

Nevertheless/However, looking from another perspective, there are other essential fields that are either still new or waiting to be explored such as in the research sector.(I think there would be better to add one conjunction^^)
jamliu0229   
Sep 9, 2011
Writing Feedback / People work because they need money to live. What are some other reasons people work. [5]

Some people work to deal with their problems, for example they are not happy with their lives or they have lost some love one.

Some people work endlessly in order to deal with their problems, for example they are not happy with their lives or they have lost love from someone .

Otherwise if they don't work then it is very painful to think about past or tragedies of life. One best way to get rid of such thoughts is to keep oneself busy in work.

Otherwise if they did not work, it would be very painful to think about past or tragedies of life. One best way to get rid of such thoughts is to keep oneself be busy in working .

Some people are very agile, active who can't stand staying at home and do nothing.

Some people are very agile and active who can't stand staying at home or doing nothing.

They think that without work life is meaningless, and dormant.

They think that life without work is meaningless and dormant.

They talk about their work, and those who work in multinational companies can brag about their work in social get together

They talk about their work, and those who work in multinational companies can brag about their work in social when they get together

In our society most people work for money, however, some people find working a best solution to get over the tragedies of life.

In our society, most people work for money, however, some people find that working isone of the best solution to get over the tragedies of life.
jamliu0229   
Sep 9, 2011
Writing Feedback / Children burden the hope of families and countries - be a good member of society [5]

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Children burden the hope of families and countries. Consequently, how to educate these children to be good members is the responsibility of parents and teachers. However, some people assert that it is only parents' or only teachers' duty. From my perspective, I believe that only do parents and schools cooperate, children are able to become excellent members.

First of all, from the birth of one person, his or her parents become the first teachers of him or her. To be more exact, what the parents behave deeply affects their babies. These young children imitate their mother or father how to speak, how to greet to others and even how to walk. Accordingly, if mothers and fathers do not pay attention to overcome their bad habits(e.g., alcoholism, smoking or unheathy diet), their young children would tend to have these bad habits as well. On the contrary, if parents are addicted to read books or take regular sport, it is likely that their children have the same hobbies. Therefore, parents should cultivate their babies a regular life and good study habits from an earlier age, which are the pivotal responsibility of parents.

Further, when these children grow up, they can come into kindergardens or schools. Teachers burden the most significant duty to educate these children. When these young children become students, they have less time to live with their parents but affluent time to be educated by teachers who guide them how to study and how to get along well with others. Although some children may have some bad behaviors, schooling time is the critical moment to correct them through directly communication or indirectly guide. Hence, to some extent, schooling education can influence the future of one child.

In summary, I conclude that it is not a simple thing to teach one person to be a good member of society. Parents and schools should both burden this responsibility together.

Please help me to check this assay, thanks!
jamliu0229   
Sep 9, 2011
Writing Feedback / "taking a break before starting higher education is a good idea" - IELTS [5]

There is, however, a controversy whether government or private organization should provide funding for them.
There is, however, a controversy that which one should provide funding for them, government or private organization.

I think this "&" is informal and it cannot use in IELTS examination.

"rather than " not " rather then"

can be avoidable(avoided ).

I think it is necessary to reaffirm what is your point again in the last paragraph.
jamliu0229   
Sep 9, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS Topic: Impact of International Tourism [4]

Over the last decades, international tourism has become even more prosperous than ever before. Although it contributes thousands of job opportunities and benefits related industries. The ramifications cannot be ignored. In the following essay I will target on this issue discuss the causes behind the success of travel industry.

Although it contributes thousands of job opportunities and benefits related industries,t he ramifications cannot be ignored. In the following essay I will target on this issue discuss the causes?? (discuss the consequence after travel industries developing ) behind the success of travel industry.
jamliu0229   
Sep 1, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS: disruptive kids should be taught separately [6]

Coupled with a good guidances from their teachers , these students are (would tend to be ) more likely to improve their behavior rather than get worse.

Moreover, good models and proper disciplines is(are ) essential.
jamliu0229   
Sep 1, 2011
Writing Feedback / Essay about the government decision on where put money - feedback [6]

Compared with those developed countries, developing countries do not constantly have solid financial support, so they should target the comparably short-term achievement to improve people's daily life, and most of which is spent large amount of money on pursing basic requirements rather than art programs.
jamliu0229   
Aug 31, 2011
Writing Feedback / [IELTS]a police force carrying guns will increase the crime rate [4]

Some people think a police force carrying guns will increase the crime rate. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, increasing crime rate aroused public horizon. Some people attribute this tendency to large number of policemen carrying guns in the street when executing assignment. However, from my perspective, I believe there are more other factors affect this phenomenon rather than the secondary cause that too many police forces with guns. There are two principal reasons for this.

First of all, there is one significant reason why the crime rate has not been a slope down that is economic depression. Some people who have lived in ease and comfort are confronting with unemployment. If they cannot land a job for a long period of time, for example half a year or longer more, they more easily tend to commit crimes due to poverty. Such severe problem should arouse government attention and take effective measures to help these poor people. Therefore, I believe whether a police force carrying guns or not, it is just a surface phenomenon, but economic depression bring living standard decrease and poverty is the most pivotal issue.

Secondly, it is indispensable to police carrying weapon to execute assignment. In fact, it lead to the offenders have a sense of horizon not committing impulse. If police without weapon, it would hard to prevent public when offenders are committing crimes. Hence, a police force carrying guns will not increase the crime rate; on the contrary, it can ascend the detection rate in some circumstance.

By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that the reason for crime rate rise is not policemen carrying weapon. Public should confident in police and relieve the horizon about policemen with guns and government should find out effective measures to reduce the crime rate.

Please help me to check it.Thank you.
jamliu0229   
Aug 31, 2011
Writing Feedback / Juvenile delinquency and mothers'care-ielts task 2 [2]

First of all, the problems of the youth results(result ) from their ebullient nature. They are curious about new and strange things, which makes them easily lured by bad friends and experienced criminals.

For instance, many of them are so addicted to games or an illusive world on the Internet, so that they suffer mental and physical disorders.
jamliu0229   
Aug 30, 2011
Writing Feedback / TOEFL - Parents (those who pay attention) are the best teachers. Agree or disagree? [3]

Nowadays we live in a modern world, where many things are changing very fast such as sciences, human behaviors, and it is very hard to know about these changes. However, we learn a lot from our parents. They are not appropriate teacher.

I think there is no logic between these sentences.But I cannot find out how to modify it.

Nowadays we live in a modern world, where many things are changing very fast such as sciences, human behaviors, and it is very hard to know about these changes. We have learnt a lot from our parents at an early age,however,they are not appropriate teacher in modern high-speed development circumstance.

I hope it can help you.
jamliu0229   
Aug 29, 2011
Writing Feedback / [IELTS]schools should provide courses to train students how to manage money [2]

All elementary or high schools should provide courses to train students how to manage money as it is an important life skill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

How to utilize money effectively is a vital issue to all family individuals in modern society. Consequently, some parents advise schools to give rise to educate students how to save their money and how to consume appropriately. From my point of view, I approve that primary and secondary schools should settle a curriculum of money management for students to cultivate good consuming habits from an early age.

One point which I believe to be absolutely pivotal is the fact that children lack of conception of money management. Todays, most families afford a sum of money to support their children to be educated and live in ease and confortable. To be more specific, they tend to pay their children affluent pocket money. However, they have less attention on how to use this money by their children. Accordingly, some students without their parent's supervision spent this money on playing games in Internet bar or purchasing luxury playthings. To be worse, if they addicted to the internet games, their pocket money would use up quickly. Afterwards, they may borrow money from their classmates or friends. It will lead to severity consequences, such as violence, brigandage and blackmail.

Additionally, perhaps the strongest argument in favour of educating children money management is that of children nicer consuming behavior. It is detrimental that children have an orgy of spending and over-consuming habits in the long term. Individuals are expert in money management not only lighten the burden to their parents but be beneficial to their characteristic development that can easily resistance the substance temptation. It is an irrefutable fact that having a reasonable consuming habit is not a nature but being educated. Hence, I would suggest that it is an advisable to train students how to consume since it plays a significant role in students' future lives.

In summary, I once again reaffirm my position that primary and secondary schools have a duty to educate students how to manage money and parents should also fulfill the responsibility that cooperate schools to correct students together.

please help me to check my writing. Thank you!
jamliu0229   
Aug 24, 2011
Writing Feedback / "Gifted people and talents" - IELTS - Cam7 test1 task2 [4]

However, that not means they are certain to be a superstar in those fields.

However, it does not mean that they are certain to be a superstar in those fields.

Therefore, there is no spare time or space for them to exploit their talents.

Therefore, there is no spare time or energy for them to exploit their talents.

Even though gifted, they may become normal eventually as they lose the focus and waste their time on the other things.

Even though gifted, they may become average people eventually if they cannot concentrate on developing their talents and wasted their time on the other things.

In that case if one chooses an occupation improperly,

In that case, if one chooses an occupation improperly,
jamliu0229   
Jul 26, 2011
Writing Feedback / TV is the most effective media to spread information and communicating culture [2]

Compare the advantages and disadvantages of three of the following as media for communicating information. State which you consider to be the most effective.
Comics
Books
Radio
Television
Film
Theatre

In present-day society, our daily lives are inundated with abundant information. Consequently, various medias appear in all kinds way. Replace books, a traditional communicating way, radios and televisions have become the two main ways to spread news.

It is well-known that books laded the history and culture of human being for thousands of years. However, the staggering advancement of technology is attended by plunging publications of books. Although books can preserve all information in libraries and bookstores for ages, they are hard to adjust to the fast-pace society. In fact, there will no time to publish books for some urgent news. On the contrary, televisions and radios are more effective to spread information. They enable to inform public in a quick way, especially to the broadcast and daily news, these data do not need to preserve for a long time.

In terms of attracting to individuals, books are inferior to televisions and radios. Most youngsters cannot concentrate on reading books for hours but are addicted to watching televisions and films, whilst senior citizens prefer listening to radios rather than reading books because of failing eyesight. Furthermore, seldom books have vivid pictures, which leads to them have less and less attracting to people. New technology makes the world small and most information can be seen through television and internet conveniently and attractively.

Accordingly, compared to others, television is the most effective media to spread information and communicating culture. There is not family has no television, for it is the key device to know outside the world. Televisions bring us not only the information but amusement and relaxation. It is a fantastic time to watching television the whole family together.
jamliu0229   
Jul 26, 2011
Writing Feedback / TOEFL, The best things in life do not cost money, agree or disagree [9]

Based on a research conducted in United Stated, the majority of employees who immerse themselves in making money, have a psychological disorders , which is due to not satisfied with the present they live .

Money is necessary in our life, however love and kindness can never be replaced by money.
jamliu0229   
Apr 29, 2011
Writing Feedback / The 50/50 balance in gender? Equal numbers of male and female students. [3]

Hi everyone,if you are available, check it about grammar, organise and structure, please.I appreciate your help.

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is not a unanimous consensus yet on whether schools are supposed to regulate the same number of different genders. Some believe that a 50/50 balance in every course effectively avoids gender bias but I tend to disapprove it.

Obviously, male and female have different preferences on different subjects. For instance, girls are apt to learn linguistic language, art and so forth, while boys tend to exploit nature science, physics and so on especially on the tertiary education. As a result, some subjects attract more females, conversely, other courses male outnumber female. Providing that universities rigidly impose a 50/50 balance, it may lead to adverse influences. The reasons are that first of all, people who are different genders own different talents. Studies reveal that men are better at mathematics and physics. If the mathematics course regulates the same number of male and female, apparently, the level of female students inferior to the males, and then professors would accommodate their teaching contents to the level of female students; hence, it is detrimental to the males fulfill their potential. Furthermore, limiting the 50/50 balance may refuse some more talent students to be outside, in contrast, some students have neither interests nor the desire to learn being enrolled in so that conflicts would be caused.

Admittedly, gender discrimination, essentially, is the thorny issue in the society and also in universities. General curriculums are supposed to have the same number in gender. However,it should base on the interest and potential of students rather than gender regulations. By that I mean everyone has the opportunities to learn what they prefer, and more importantly, how excellent preference they perform is the criterion.

Overall, it is not sensible that universities impose every subject has the 50/50 balance in gender. I believe universities should accept the final options of students base on their merits.
jamliu0229   
Apr 29, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY : CHILDREN ARE INFLUENCED BY THEIR FRIEND'S OPINION . [4]

In fact , None(none) of parents can know exactly whether these ideas have a great impact on their children's minds.

They sometimes suppose their friends can understand what they are saying and even share (sadness) whenever they drop into awful situations .

Another point is that children always want(attempt) to behave like mature aldults.

There are several efficient methods that parents should (would) encounter

jamliu0229   
Apr 18, 2011
Writing Feedback / People who have different interest are less likely to be an ally [4]

Allies are ideal. They are useful in any ways. They can ease your tasks and increase your self-worth. However, you may be better off choosing allies with the same interest. People who have different concepts, availability (?) and attitudes are better off going solo.

If you have different interests, you will have different concepts of ideas . One may prefers to spend weekend sitting in(on) the couch, eating popcorn and watching movies. Theo thers may prefer playing basketball and get his(their) body all worked up. As you contemplate on choices, you might lead to an argument.
jamliu0229   
Apr 17, 2011
Writing Feedback / [IELTS]more young people are leaving school and unable to find jobs after graduation [4]

Dear everyone:
I appreciate it if you can check it for me. Thank you in advance.

In many countries, more and more young people are leaving school and unable to find jobs after graduation. What problems do you think youth unemployment will cause to the individual and the society? Give reasons and make some suggestions.

In contemporary society, increasing number of youths is exposed to unemployment, especially to those fresh graduates who burden much expectation by their parents and public.

This thorny issue arouses the concern of the whole society since it affects the future of a society or even a nation.

Originally, most students after graduating from universities or colleges can hunt decent jobs, but this is not the case now. Numerous employing entities, conversely, shut the door to graduates. For this abnormal phenomenon, there are many causes. First, a great many of older staff have not gotten the retirement age; therefore the young students cannot replace their positions. Second, population problem lead to the result that graduates outnumber positions. As a result, many graduates complete one position which mere is a work for an ordinary work. Final, there is not a suitable link between university and workplace. As a matter of fact, when students graduate from universities, most of them have not any practice experience, while it lead to companies cannot employ suitable individuals.

Meanwhile, there also have some solutions to this thorny problem. On one hand, universities should immediately optimize their curriculums in order to supplying the demanding of student and workplace respectively. On the other hand, governments should encourage graduates become self-employed by fund and offering training free of charge. More importantly, companies should afford the opportunities for those youth unemployed, which is also a responsible to the whole society.

In summary, I personally believe that, governments, companies and universities should cooperate together to deal with this severe issue. Likewise, students should improve their own skills, so as to avoid unemployment.
jamliu0229   
Apr 13, 2011
Writing Feedback / All my life i had been wrong and now i had to pay! [12]

Mommy wasn't much of a companion at this terrifying moment, looking at her just added added to my fears. Her paralyzed body lay in my arms, and she was pale from the shock and the drain of blood. What is more, her lips slightly parted, as if she wanted to say something to me with a single tear rolled down her right cheek. Nevertheless, I felt sorry and angry at the same time, because she was in such a miserable condition but after all it was her fault that we were in this situation.

I had always thought Momi was a little stupid but tonight she had proved me wrong! She wasn't stupid, she was but insane!
jamliu0229   
Apr 10, 2011
Writing Feedback / [IELTS] fixed punishment or take into account circumstances [8]

Dear everyone:
I appreciate it if you can correct it for me. Thanks

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There has been much discussion revolving around of the issue of punishment to culprit. An increasing number of people tend to uphold that the circumstances of commit crime and also the motivation should be taken into account on the final judgment instead of fixed punishments for each type of crime.

It is obvious that stereotypical penalty simplify the judicial process. By that I mean each type of crime is corresponding to definite punishment. For instance, if one murder victim, he will be punished by life sentence or capital punishment regardless of circumstance, motivation and so forth. To some extent, it is likely that this way of safeguarding social is sensible on execute national law.

In fact, fixed punishment overly emphasizes the crime and ignores people; therefore some innocent people may be punished unjustly, which will arouse remaining problems. There may be some reasons why these people discarded their former life to commit crime, in other words, what were their motivations? Undeniable, they are, essentially, crucial factors on deciding which type of penalty should be judged to different culprits.

Accordingly, circumstance, motivation and other factors should be taken into account. It is inevitably that the judicative process prolong depend on the complexity of the case. Instead of this, many people who are innocent such as children being advantaged and self-defense person can receive reasonable judgment, while some bribery administrative official who against the law should receive severe punishment due to his identity.

On the basis of the above discussion, I personally think, it is reasonable to consider the situation of crime rather than fixed punishment when deciding the finally judgment.
jamliu0229   
Apr 10, 2011
Writing Feedback / "doing the same things and avoiding change?" - my target is 7 band [4]

In essense In contemporary society, mostof people have a ,in essense,need to be safe and feel security in what they are doing and where they are living respectively. They resist changes due to many reasons. However, it is my opinion that theaccepting change is more easiera good behavior to keep up with thetimesour uncertainworld .
jamliu0229   
Apr 5, 2011
Writing Feedback / Nature or Nuture: the talent is important, but tenacity and perseverance are more. [3]

hi, please examining the composition for grammatical mistakes, sentence structures and logic, thank you sooooooooooo much!!!!!

It is general believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport, music, and other are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sport person or musician.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion?

It is a heated argument on nature and nurture. People have different interpretations of those who have special genius on sport or music and others who have trained to excel.

Obviously, some career need individuals who have certain gift. For example, a singer is required a sweet voice, while athlete need high physical quality. In other words, if one had no any talent on these careers, he was confronted so great difficulties at start that he had voluntarily relinquished during practice. So talent people are more advantageous than others on the way of success.

On the other hand, it is not unrealistic that any child can perform excellent on sport or music after specialized training.In fact, most of professional athletes and musician have no genius. On the contrary, they practice every day, although it is arduous. The reason why they can become champions is the spirit of tenacity and perseverance. As the saying goes that practicing makes perfect.

Admittedly, untalented people more easily come up against ceiling which is more difficult to breakthrough than those geniuses. However, I personally think that the key determinant of success is not the talent but the spirit. If one owned extraordinary natural in sport but impatient and impetuous, he would hard to exert his potential to the fullest. By that I mean, although some prodigy can stand head and shoulders above others at start, the ultimately successes belong to those who work hard and persistent.

In conclusion, the talent is important, but the spirit of tenacity and perseverance is crucial.

(256 words)
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