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Posts by beepro21
Joined: Aug 18, 2011
Last Post: Nov 4, 2011
Threads: 15
Posts: 22  

From: vietnam

Displayed posts: 37
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beepro21   
Nov 4, 2011
Undergraduate / Application essay: Opportunities that have affected my academic credentials. [3]

There may be personal information that you want consideredto consider as a part of your admissions application. Write an essay describing that information. You might include exceptional hardships, challenges, or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or talents, educational goals, or ways in which you might contribute to an institution committed to creatingcreate a diverse learning environment.
beepro21   
Oct 14, 2011
Writing Feedback / 'someone you know that act with courage' - a journal topic about courage [2]

To be honest, this is a not good writing. however , practice makes perfect so you should rewrite this writing and improve it.You should write more about how your mum overcame her difficulties and point out which action shows her courage most clearly.
beepro21   
Oct 13, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS> effects from using computers everyday; 'overuse and misuse computers' [3]

I think that your writing is not persuasive enough. When you want to oppose an idea, you have to give strong points. For example, you should write about health problems related to using computers for a long time such as obesity, short-sighted eyes so on. In addition, without adult's control, children can have access to black webs, which can affect seriously children's healthy personality development.
beepro21   
Oct 11, 2011
Writing Feedback / Causes and solutions to problems with student bad behaviour-ielts task2 [NEW]

Please help me improve this writing. Give me some comments and a score if possible. Thank you very much!
In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behavior. What do you think is the cause of this? What solutions can you suggest?
Nowadays, there are severe problems with student behavior at school in many countries such as less respect to teachers, school violence, production of sex clips in class and so on. These problems cause negative effects on studying and teaching and become controversial topics in our society. In this essay, I will point out causes of the problems and suggest some solutions.

It's likely that student's bad behavior is the result of some following reasons. Firstly, because of internet's development, students can have access to a variety of information .Some may log on black webs and they are easily poisoned with false information or wrong lifestyle. When they have mistaken awareness, they will have bad behavior to study, other students and their teachers. For example, if a student spends so much time watching violent actions or playing action games, he may be obsessed with violence and may have same actions in real life. Secondly, lack of family and school's care can lead to student's bad behaviors. For instance, some students want to be center of attention by their naughty games. In many cases, students follow their bad friends to play truant and fight with other students and even have a curse.

Educating students to become good citizens and useful people is the duty of family, school and society. To deal with severe problems, we need strong collaborations of all the elements. The government should have tough measures to block black websites and control public information. Parents should spend more time with their children, care about their children's study and relationships and help them overcome their hard periods .It is recommended that educational programs such as providing sex education, rewarding good examples of students and honoring the students' respect to teachers should be widely held at school and that healthy activities and competitions should be encouraged to lead students to good lifestyles.

In conclusion, there are many reasons leading to the problems with students' bad behavior at school Therefore, governments, schools and families should shake hands to find best solutions to these problems
beepro21   
Oct 10, 2011
Writing Feedback / Pros and cons of raising fees in universities [3]

I have written this essay under time pressure.It may have some mistakes in ideas or using words so I hope that you can help me to improve this writing. Give me comments and scores if possible.Many thanks!

Many universities now are considering raising fees as a means to improve training quality. Discuss advantage and disadvantages of such a move.The issue of raising fees in universities becomes one of the most controversial topics in our society.Some people think that raising fees means improvement in training quality while some others do not support this idea because of many drawbacks of this move. From my point of view, raising fees has both certain advantages and disadvantages.

Firstly, raising fees means that more money is invested in course books, reference books, teacher quality, teacher's lives, educational facilities and other services. Universities will have chance to upgrade their infrastructures, study room systems, libraries and even hostels as well. Universities can For example, university can use the money to update course books' content, widen libraries , increase teachers 'salaries, buy new facilities , repair old study rooms and hostels. As a result, students can get benefits from these changes and the training quality may be improved remarkably.

On the other hand, we can not mention to disadvantages of raising fees. Clearly, raising fees creates a burden to students especially those from poor families. Some students can not enter their dream universities because they cannot afford the fees, which seem to affect educational socialization considerably. In addition, if the money is not managed wisely, it will be used for private purposes of some authority people. For instance, a headmaster of a university may use the fees for his own sake instead of using them to improve training quality.

In conclusion, raising fees can help to improve training quality if they are used suitably for the purposes of teaching and studying. However, raising fees can bring big problems to students and management. It is recommended that the universities should have necessary adjustments so that both universities and students can take advantages of raising fees.
beepro21   
Sep 12, 2011
Writing Feedback / Freedom of artists-ielts task 2 [2]

Please help me check my writing and improve it. If possible, give me a score and some comments.Thank you very much in advance!
Creative artists should ne given freedom to express their own ideas (in words, pictures music or film) in whichever way they wish. There should be no government restrictions on what they do.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?


Freedom, the wonderland for each artist's creativeness, can result in appearance of masterpieces in music, art and cinema, so on. Some people think that artists should be given complete freedom to express their own ideas without any government's restrictions. However, I do not totally agree with this idea.

We can not deny the importance of freedom to artists while composing. Freedom gives those wings of imaginations so that their creativeness goes beyond every border and touches each person's soul. It's a legitimate right for artists to express their ideas in their own ways. True artists always lead people toward truth, kindness and beauty and they create values enriching spiritual people's lives. Hence, the government should give them more encouragements instead of restrictions. It's likely that the more freedom they have, the more successful their works tends to be.

However, it is not a good idea that there shouldn't be any restrictions on ideas expressions of artists. In a modern society, technologies make artistic works come to the public easily and quickly. Beside good content compositions, some poor quality ones with meaningless lyrics or vulgar words released can have bad influence on the community. In addition, nude art can be used to satisfy the dirty demands of some calling themselves artists. Sex scenes in films can have negative effects on personality development of teenagers and children who are easy to imitate what they see. Therefore, government should have detailed restricts and requirements on quality of artist works and artistic performances in order to prevent spreading messages of bad lifestyles in society.

In conclusion, the government should encourage the creativeness of artists by honoring those with great contributions. However, detailed restrictions are necessary for guaranteeing a healthy development of national culture.
beepro21   
Sep 8, 2011
Writing Feedback / Happiness-is it difficult to define? ielts task2 [5]

Thank you so much for your ideas. Maybe, we have different viewpoints of the topic. I get your points but I still keep my ideas.The list of synonyms is really helpful to me.
beepro21   
Sep 8, 2011
Writing Feedback / Happiness-is it difficult to define? ielts task2 [5]

Thanks a lot for ur comments and corrections. In the 3rd para, I want to indicate that it 's hard to define happiness because happiness also depends on how you feel about your life. Whether u are rich or not, you can be happy if u are satisfied with yourself. I don't think that it's good idea to compare rich vs poor, beautiful vs ugly because we can see clearly that you seems to be happier if you are rich and beautiful. I want to use "exploit "with the meaning of "use up".
beepro21   
Sep 8, 2011
Writing Feedback / Happiness-is it difficult to define? ielts task2 [5]

Please check my writing and help me improve it! Thank you very much!
Happiness is very important in life.
Why is it difficult to define?
What factors are important for achieving happiness?


It is clear that happiness is the thing people always want to pursue and try their best by all means to achieve . However, it is very hard to define happiness fully and each person seems to have his own definition. In this essay I am concerned about importance of happiness, difficulties in defining it and factors for happiness achievement.

Firstly, in my opinion , happiness is emotions and feelings that you have when our material and spiritual demands are satisfied. Happiness is very important to life because it make life meaningful. It is hope of a happy life that people work hard for learning money and create new values to improve their living conditions. It's desire of happiness that soldiers are devoted their lives to fight against enemies and protect peace of their countries. It's happiness that promote human beings to use their minds and hands for discovering new things and creating such a modern society .

Secondly, the main reason for difficulties in defining happiness is that each individual has different demands and the degree of satisfaction varies in each person. For example, when a businessman can exploit intellectual ablilities, physical strength and necessary skills to fulfill his goals in career, he will be successful. His ablilites are recognized and appreciated. He has a comfortable life with a big house , a good car, a beautiful wife and lovely children. He feels satisfied with his life and we can say that he achieve happiness. However, even a fisherman who has to work hard everyday in the sea can achieve happiness. He loves his job ,feels pleased with his daily work results and has sound sleep at night. We can also say that he 's a happy man. Sometimes, happiness is very simple such as a kiss from a lover, a hug from friends, a smile from a stranger or a comfort from natural beauty.

Thirdly, happiness seems to depend on many factors. Happiness will surely come to people who know what they want clearly and how to get it exactly. Therefore, hard work and non-stop study ,optimistic viewpoints and positive attitudes will be happiness's basis. In fact, some successful people still not feel happy because they are not satisfied with themselves. It is good that a person isn't pleased wit h his present and want to improve his life, however, he had better hold tightly what he has and try his best in the future.

In conclusion, happiness make a beautiful and colorful life.If we have clear plans ,be ready to face up with difficulties, work hard and respect our results, we will achieve happiness.
beepro21   
Sep 8, 2011
Writing Feedback / Traditional skills and lifestyles-ielts test 2 [NEW]

Please check my writing and help me improve it! I highly appreciate your help!
When a country develops its technologies, traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays, due to development of technologies, people's living standards are improving remarkably. Many new skills and lifestyles are gradually replacing the traditional ones which are not suitable to steps of a modern society. Some people think there is no point in keeping traditional and lifestyles alive. However, I do not completely agree with this idea.

In my country, when technologies were not developed quickly, people often repaired their household items and make their own clothes as a way of saving money. On special occasions such as Tet Holiday, every family were eager to prepare ingredients for wrapping Chung Cakes, one of traditional cake types to respect ancestors. In the past, there was also a trend of large families in which some generations lived together. Women were at home to do housework, cook meals, and look after children while men went out to work for earning money. However, it's very different nowadays. In a modern society, because of generation gaps, desire for privacy and freedom, the youth do not often live with their parents as before. Women tend to go out to work instead of being a housewife. People are so busy with their work and family responsibilities that they sometimes do not have enough time for themselves. It's very difficult for them to spend time doing something like repairing items or making their own clothes. They are likely to choose buy new items or clothes or processed food in shops or call some repairing services. In fact, many traditional skills and lifestyles are not kept because they are not suitable to a new society.

However, preserving some good traditional skills and lifestyles are very necessary because they reflect national culture and spiritual lives of many generations. For example, when Chung Cakes are wrapped on Tet holiday in my country, all family members have to give a hand from preparing glutinous rice, green bean, "dong" leaves , fresh pork to wrapping cakes and boiling them. When boiling Chung Cake, family members often stay together to listen historical legends or family stories in the old year and wait for a new year coming. It's very meaningful to show delicious food made by the whole family to their ancestors. Moreover, traditional skills will be very important for guaranteeing full lives of many people in handcraft villages. In my country, there are handcraft villages which are specialized to produce pottery or furniture, silk, or even food specialties. Although, technologies are widely applied in production, traditional skills in this area is very necessary for making up their products 'outstanding features .Finally, no matter how fast technologies change our society, a lifestyle with good traditional beliefs and values such as respecting teachers , parents and old people will remain forever . Many moral values in traditional lifestyles are still very useful to the next generations and help form their positive life attitudes.

In conclusion, it's pointless to keep unsuitable traditional skills and out-of -date lifestyle in a modern society. However, we need to preserve ones whose values are very important to national culture and ethnic history , community spirits and next generations' development.
beepro21   
Sep 7, 2011
Grammar, Usage / What are the differences between Simple past and Past Tense ? [6]

Tense is use of verb form to indicate time of action or state
Eg: Present V/Vs,es ask/ asks
Past: Ved asked
Aspect denotes the manner in which the action or state is performed.There are 4 categories of aspect: Simple, Perfect, Progressive and Perfect Progressive
tense and aspect are combined to form a system of tenses. As you see we will have totally 12 tenses in English.
Present Simple, Present Perfect, Present Progressive, Present Perfect Progressive
Past Simple, Past Perfect, Past Progressive, Past Perfect Progressive
Future Simple,...
beepro21   
Sep 5, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS- Advertising and its impact on high sales and real needs of people [2]

I must say that your writing is not successful. Three reasons given are not convincing and logical. There are conflicts among them.( Another reason is that if people do not need something, they will not buy it.At In the end, I believe advertisement is beneficial for customers, but they should be wise enough to select the product that they really need it)I think you should take examples of some products to strengthen your points.You also made some grammatical mistakes and expression errors.
beepro21   
Sep 5, 2011
Writing Feedback / children engagement in paid work-ielts task 2 [2]

Please check my writing and help me improve it! [/[b]b] Thank you very much!

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard as completely wrong, while others consider it as some kind of work experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities.

What are your opinions on this?


In many countries, children are educated from their young age to be independent and responsible for their actions. Their parents allow them to take some jobs because these jobs can help them learn and take responsibilities. However, some people think it's not a good educational measure. From my point of view, the benefits of children engagement in paid work outweigh its drawbacks.

First of all, children can learn about the hardship of earning money. When they take some kind of paid work such as looking after babies, doing housework and keeping shops, they will have some life experience and skills which make them mature and can deal with many different situations in real life. Therefore, they are likely to understand their parents' hardship, to respect values of money and to form a good habit of saving.

Secondly, when children take jobs, they tend to be more responsible because whether they can earn money or not will depend on their effectiveness and attitudes in working. To keep their jobs, children will have to try their best to finish their duties. For example, if a child works as a shop assistant, he will have to keep an eye on good and products, calculate prices correctly and take responsibilities for any lost.

Some people may argue that children will be more material, neglect their study for earning money or be exploited by the employers. However, if children get good care and instructions from their parents, they can take advantages of the work to learn valuable things and avoid going in a wrong way.

In conclusion, if children take part in some kind of paid work with their parents' permission, they can learn lively lessons and become mature and responsible. I recommend that parents should help their children to choose a suitable job which does not affect their children 's study and that the government should have right policies to avoid exploiting children's labour.
beepro21   
Sep 1, 2011
Poetry / "-Death's next of kin." - my first proper poem [5]

I do not mean that you are weird. However, many poets are thought to be so. They often have their head in the cloud and they tend to oblivious to life. I think you should write more poems.Who knows, you can be famous in the future...
beepro21   
Aug 31, 2011
Writing Feedback / Roles of international sports events -ielts task 2 [3]

Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way.

Whenever an international sporting occasion like the football World Cup takes place, it attracts millions of people all over the world. As sport has become a common passion which passed over every national border, popular sports events can help reduce international tensions remarkably and promote national prides safely.

First and foremost, sports events are good chances for excellent athletes to meet and learn valuable experiences from one another so that they can improve their results, break records and bring victories to their own countries.. Because a large number of people will gather in the host city for sport events, there are many good opportunities for discovering different cultures. Consequently, sport events with the spirit of healthiness, honesty and fairness can help strengthen understanding, friendship and solidarity among nations .After sharing competitive but interesting moments in each competition, the competitors often shake hands friendly and congratulate the winners, which can lead to an improvement in the relationships among nations.

Secondly, sporting occasions play an essential role in raising patriotic emotions in both athletes and spectators. Seeing national flags be honored may be the most emotional moments to each athlete. The athlete also seems to be more aware of his responsibilities and he wants to contribute more to his beloved country. When witnessing our national flags flying proudly among others', many of us can stop hiding our pride and happiness. For instance, when Vietnam became the champion of SEAGAMES for the first time in 2008, a festival atmosphere permeated into the streets. People from all ages turned out to the streets with flags, banners and they sang aloud songs of Ho Chi Minh President. The eager atmosphere lasted many next days. In fact, some hooligans were so excited that they took part in motor racing or using fireworks illegally. However, the hooligans only took a minority of people. Therefore, it can be said that sport events help to wake up love and responsibilities strongly in each citizen.

In conclusion, international sporting occasions are not only one of the effective solutions to tensions among nations but also a stimulant for releasing patriotic emotions safely. Hence, I recommend that big sports events should be held more frequently in the future.

Please check my writing! I really appreciate your help.
beepro21   
Aug 29, 2011
Writing Feedback / Juvenile delinquency and mothers'care-ielts task 2 [2]

Juvenile delinquency
The position of women in society has changed remarkably in the past twenty years. Many problems now the youth experience, arise from the fact that now married women now work and are not at home to care their children.

Women have been attaining high positions in society in the past twenty years. In fact, married women now go to work instead of staying at home to care their children. Some people think it should be blamed for many problems of their children such as juvenile delinquency. However, I strongly disagree with this idea.

First of all, the problems of the youth results from their ebullient nature. They are curious about new amd strange things which make them easily lured by bad friends and experienced criminals. They are too young to realize seriousness degree of their actions. For example, the pleasure of a depraved life lures them from studies to involve in alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex and crime. They may unknowingly take part in illegal actions and even have no idea about the punishments they can get.

Secondly, the youth are greatly affected by negative effects of Internet. For instance, many of them are so addicted to games or an illusive world on the Internet that they suffer mental and physical disorders. Seriously, they are likely to imitate violent actions and unhealthy images in some games or on the Internet, which can lead to illegal actions in reality.

Thirdly, not only mothers but fathers also have responsibilities in caring their children. If a parent works for earning money, the other should be at home for looking after their children. When the children grow up, both parents have to pay attention to their children's studies and relationships. In fact, although many children are not given a good care from their busy parents, they still become good citizens because they are educated to aware of their own futures. Therefore, care and education from family and school play important role in preventing and solving the problems of the youth.

Last but not least, lack of mothers 'care is just one of many different reasons for juvenile delinquency. Many children still became criminals even though they get so much care from their mothers. Moreover, if all married women were at home to look after their children, there would be a big loss in labor force resources and an increasingly pressure of earning for all men.

In conclusion, it is unreasonable that lacks of mothers' care is responsible for their children's problems. The main reasons for the youth's problems are their ebullient nature, negative effects of technologies and lacks of parents' care .Hence, the co operations among family, school , social organizations and governments are very necessary to control juvenile delinquency in particular and other youth problems in general.
beepro21   
Aug 28, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS -- Government wants people to move To Big Cities [4]

As can be seen from your writing, the government can solve the problems easily buy not encouraging people from rural areas to big cities. In addition, the readers don't know what you are doing in the next para and your opinions about the problems.In the 3rd para,I think u should use more reasons and examples about positive effects of the trend to support your ideas.
beepro21   
Aug 28, 2011
Writing Feedback / Capital punishment should be combined with other activities -ielts task 2 [NEW]

Without capital punishment (death penalty) our lives will be less secure and crime of violence will increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in our society.

Nowadays, development of crime of violence causes great fears among citizens, which forces the governments to take effective actions to reduce crime of violence and guarantee security and stability in our society. Capital punishment is considered as one of the most effective measures.

Firstly, death penalty, the heaviest punishment for serious criminals, makes people think twice before committing a crime. If a person kills someone, he may pay by the rest of his life. Thus, there may have a remarkable decrease in crime rate. Secondly, lack of tough measures can lead to the fact that criminals look down on laws and tend to conduct further guilty actions. When we do not have strong measures to crime of violence, we seem to agree with is development. For example, terrorists may kill hundreds of innocent citizens and destroy happiness of thousands of families. As their victims have to suffer from great pain and loss, they never deserve being forgiven . Therefore, death penalty is necessary to punish them and give fairness to their miserable victims.

On the other hand, some people may think capital punishment is not a humane measure. In deed, we can not use light ones for those who have lost their humanity and even haven't cared about their own lives. Hence, it is essential to keep death penalty for strictness of laws, and safeness of citizens.

In conclusion, capital punishment plays an important role in controlling violence in our society. However, it should be combined with other activities such as raising awareness among citizens and encouraging people especially children to live and respect laws. Only when these things are widely applied throughout the country can we dream about a peaceful and stable life for everyone.

Words :274
Please help me check this writing!Thank you in advance!
beepro21   
Aug 28, 2011
Writing Feedback / "He who hesitates is lost" + "modern technological world" - short compositions [3]

this idiom describe that the man who can't make up the mind right away is easy to lose chances. => indicates
Most people have a plenty of schedule and doing list for being done, => to do
Some people hesitating or deliberating things too much may easily lose the critical time for making the action.=> Some people hestitating or delibrating things too long may easily lose the critical time for taking actions.

I have learned many lessons from losing a lot of precious chances because of my hesitation=> drawn
I didn't add any class I have or want to; I disappointedeither side of my friends and family.=> I was disappointed in both sides of my friends and my family.

hand out with friends or stay with my parents=> go out with
Your 2nd writing didn't mention to the effects of mordern technological world on people lives
The advent of technology brings significant changes on either transportation or communication that is really different from the past.=> ...both... and,...are
To sum up, I think the whole environment has mostly been negatively affected that seems to need a long time for recovery.
[/b]=> grammatical mistake
...the whole environment has mostly been so negatively affected that it seems to need a long time for recovery.
Good luck!
beepro21   
Aug 27, 2011
Writing Feedback / Fatherhood vs Motherhood-ielts task 2 [3]

Please check my writing and give your comments.Thank you!

Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The ideas that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies lead to the idea that they also responsible to bring children up.

To what extent do you agree or disagree ?


Fathers and mothers are two of the most important factors influencing the development of their children. Some people think that woman gives birth to her baby so she is the person that decides how to bring up the child. However, I believe that fathers should have as many responsibilities as mothers in the growth of their children.

Firstly, only women can not decide whether or not to have a baby because this decision depends on their husbands as well. A child is a sweet result of the love between a man and woman. To give a birth to a baby, it 's not easy for a woman. She has to suffer from labour pain which her husband hardly understands. However, it doesn't mean that only women have rights to decide how to raise the child. Many scientific researches point out that a man is responsible for the sex of his children. Therefore, both men and women should have responsibilities in raising and educating their children.

To grow up healthily, a child needs care of both his father and his mother. When he is small, he seems to be closer to his mother because it's the mother that worries for his meals and sleeping. When he is older, he needs the care from his father more. The father will help him to have necessary skills and qualities of a man. Perhaps, the child really needs care from his father to become strong and persistent. In addition, if there is an equal share between men and women, their family is likely to be happier, which is a considerable advantage.

In conclusion, it is unreasonable to think that a woman can completely replace the role of her husband in educating their children and in reverse. Men and women have their own responsibilities for a healthy development of their children. I recommend that there should have a equal share between husband and wife which plays a key role in building a happy family and guaranteeing sex equality in our current society.

Words:336
beepro21   
Aug 27, 2011
Poetry / "-Death's next of kin." - my first proper poem [5]

Actually, I do not understand much about what you want to express in your poem. I guest you must be a fan of "eclipse " or "new moon" because I felt a ghastly and dreadful atmosphere in this poem. I can see that the death of the temptress is the death 's next kin and there is a strong likelihood that the man is responsible for her death because the stars witness his guilty actions. It seems to me that the relationship between the man and the woman is quite close. For some reasons, he killed her and inside him there was a war between love and sin. However, when he realized what he had done,she went away forever. He has to face up with his loneliness and obsession below the moon's deceiving trays.

It's just some personal thoughts that I want to share with you.
beepro21   
Aug 27, 2011
Writing Feedback / Ielts Topic: The popularity of news media [3]

I think that your writing is nice. It's well-structured with a variety of vocabulary. I can see the coherence and cohesion within sentences and paragraphs clearly. You seem to fulfill the task requirements. However, I suggest that you can write a little about negative effects of news media.Below are some mistakes picked up from your writing.

- Nowadays news media have become more and more popular=> has
- many news on entertainment sector from all over the world to everybody. => much news
- from musical concerts to live football match=>football matches
- news media help people broaden their knowledge=> helps
- mass mediaprovide people with a variety of global news on all fields=> provides

Good luck!
beepro21   
Aug 26, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Focus on health education and preventative measures rather than treatment [2]

Topic: "Prevention is better than cure."
Out of our country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spend on health education and preventative measures.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?


It is a completely right and extremely wise policy to focus on health education and preventative measures rather than treatment. Once applied, it will bring many benefits to both citizens and governments.

Health education causes long-term positive effects on our next generations. First of all, thank to a full health education from their childhoods, children will have good habits of taking care of their own health and these habits may be kept in their adolescences .For example, if a child is educated to have a hygienic lifestyle at a very young age, he also keeps it when older. Secondly, health education will prepare for people especially children necessary knowledge to protect themselves from risks of diseases. Instead of afraid or panic, they may be calmer if unfortunately committing some normal diseases such as allergy or illness in seasonal changes. Many diseases which may be cured easily can turn to serious ones if we do not have right treatment. Health education will help people to have right choices of treatment to recover more quickly.

Preventative measures will help improve general health state of all citizens. For example, vaccines will guarantee that pregnant women and their babies are protected from serious infectious diseases such as flu, smallpox, rubella so on. When huge injection campaigns are organized throughout our country, the community's health state will be improved remarkably. As human resources play a key role in the development of a country, investing money to enhance the general health state is a totally right decision. In addition, because the cost of treatment is often much higher than that of prevention, the government can save a lot of money for our country's health budget.

In conclusion, I strongly agree that we should give more priority to health education and preventative measures than to treatment .However, reasonable attentions should be paid to treatment so that our citizens are always looked after with best services.

Please check my writing ! Thank you very much!
beepro21   
Aug 25, 2011
Writing Feedback / A single career (old-fashion) OR several careers to earn more money [4]

The idea of having a single career is becoming an old-fashioned one. The new fashion is to have several careers and ways of earning money and further education is something that continues throughout our lives.

Many people keep an idea of having a single career as a means of living through their lives. However, there appears a new trend of having several careers at the same time, followed by further education as an indispensible part of life.

When technologies were not developed and world economy is still stable at a low rate of unemployment, people were likely to live well with their single careers. They could enjoy the stability of job, find job satisfaction and they didn't have a need of changing jobs. Therefore, they may try to become the best in their fields to guarantee a comfortable life for their families. In addition, chances for new jobs are not accessible to people due to the lack of development in telecommunication, transportation. It may be the main reasons why they stick their lives to a single career.

However, things are different these days .Firstly, with effective support of advanced technologies especially computers, people can have a variety of career choices and job chances are widely available in different fields. Secondly, people can go further from home to work or work at home due to modern means of transportation, telecommunications and work flexibility. They can take up several careers currently as long as they can complete their work well. Last but not least, in period of economy crisis, people are in a high risk of being unemployed so they have to self-prepare by seeking other options. To deal with a pile of work in several careers, people need to have certain knowledge and professional skills, which promote them to follow further education.

Further education should be a process of learning throughout your life .In a competitive society, chances are opened to everyone but success just come to individuals who can update themselves to catch up with the development of society. Consequently, it's very urgent for people to collect knowledge relevant to their jobs and master necessary professional skills.

In conclusion, the trend of multi-career becomes increasingly common and it is gradually replacing the trend of single career. It is clear that whatever trend you may follow, you have to study nonstop for your own survival and development.

Please check my writing and give your comments! Thank you!
beepro21   
Aug 24, 2011
Writing Feedback / The media should consider famous people's lives [7]

They are avid for exhibiting the positive qualities of famous people's lives for their audiences due to produce fine works.=>not clear. U should write the positive aspects of famous people 's lives or the positive qualities of famous people.

Who produces fine works? producers or famous people?

The importance of these kinds of programs refers to the weight of audiences' interests because a lot of people would like these programs, so the interests of people are significant for producers.=>Because a large number of people would like these programs, there is an remarkable increase in audiences'interests,which is significant for producers when deciding producing a program.

addition, they create such programs for make more money through huge projects=> making

because people pursue their private lives to know more, the media's producers want to provide such programs, and governments desire for organize the society through role modeling. =>not parallel, people want to know more about private lives of celebrities
beepro21   
Aug 24, 2011
Writing Feedback / The media should consider famous people's lives [7]

When you mentions to "famous people's lives" for the first time and you don't want to refer to any specific people , you mustn't use "the" before this term. However, when famous people's lives are mentioned in the previous sentences, you can use "the" before this term.

Good luck!
beepro21   
Aug 24, 2011
Writing Feedback / Factors to broadcast good news and bad news-ielts task 2 [4]

Thank you very much for picking up my mistakes. Can you suggest some expressions or ideas to improve this writing? I am not really satisfied with this writing. what should I do to make examples in para 2 clearer? Thank you once again.
beepro21   
Aug 24, 2011
Writing Feedback / Factors to broadcast good news and bad news-ielts task 2 [4]

News editors decided what to broadcast on TV and what to print in newspapers. What factors do you think influence these decisions? Do we become used to bad news? Would it be better if more good news were reported?

News on TV and in newspapers is decided by news editors whose decisions are influenced by many different factors. It is likely that bad news seem to be reported more than good news. Some people suggest that good news should be given more priority than bad one. However, I don't think it's a good idea.

There are some factors that decide whether news is made public or not. The content of news is the primary criteria considered by the editors. Each day hundred of big and small events take place in different fields of life such as economy, culture, sports, education, politics and entertainment. The editors only choose the most striking one which may attract or relate to a large number of viewers or readers. For example, the activities of some political leaders, the conflicts among parties, information about increase in price of petrol and gold or news of natural disasters tend to be reported rather than trivial news or rumors about private lives of some celebrities.

Life always has both good sides and bad ones and the duty of newspapers and the media is to reflect the truth. Everyday, people hear about bad news such as crime, social evils, unemployment rate, serious diseases, traffic accidents... Nevertheless, we should accept it as an undeniable part of life and should find solutions to the problems. The aims of reporting bad news is to help us to be aware of the reality and to avoid the bad things as much as possible. On the other hand, too much bad news can make people become optimistic and lack beliefs in life. Therefore, good news is necessary to direct people toward kindness, good luck and happiness.

However, it doesn't mean that the more good news is reported , the better everything will be . If too much good news is report on TV or in newspapers, the citizens may have an idealized view of life. Some of them may think that the life is full of pink or be completely dim about bad things which always exist currently.

In conclusion, I think that there should have the balance between the amount of good and bad news reported on TV and in newspapers, which requires truly wise and experienced news editors.

Please help me check this writing. Many thanks!
beepro21   
Aug 23, 2011
Writing Feedback / Sharing of wealthy nations and responsibility of poorer nations-ielts task 2 [2]

Topic: Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the government of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

It is undeniable that the government of each nation has to be responsible for improving the living standards of its own citizens.However, poor nations seem to meet many obstacles to complete their duties so they actually need the help of wealthier nations. Wealthy nations should help poorer ones by practical activities such as financial support, which promotes understanding, solidarity and friendship among nations.

The governments of poor nations have many difficulties in different fields such as economy developing economies, building education systems, enhancing health care services, dealing with social evils...Poverty in developing countries are followed by diseases, no schooling, unemployment, crime.Poverty creates a ridiculous circle from which poor nations can not escape.In contrast, developed countries have strong economies with advanced technologies and their civilized citizens can live in comfort.The average income of a person in developed countries is hundred times as much as that of a person in developing countries. If no actions are taken, there is a sharper contrast between the lives of the rich and those of the poor.

To overcome above problems, the governments of poor nations must realize their strong points and weak points, exploit their potential power. seize chances and take advantages of help from foreign countries. Although poor nations receive help from wealthy ones, they should not depend too much on this kind of help. One of the most important thing is that they have to seek solutions to the problems themselves before calling help from others.

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Wealthy nations should realize that development of poor nations also influence that of theirs. When they help others, they also benefit from these relationships.For example, they can find new chances in investment , new potential markets and strengthen international cooperation. In addition, their help will partly shorten the distance between different communities.

In conclusion, I strongly recommended that the governments of poor nations should take effective actions to guarantee a good life to their citizens. Wealthy nations along with other international organisations should work together and give a hand to poor nations for a peaceful world future.

Please check my writing! Thank you in advance.
beepro21   
Aug 21, 2011
Writing Feedback / "teaching and researching working together lead to the success" -Ielts writing [3]

STRONG POINTS
1.Lexical resources: you used a variety of vocabulary and quite successful in the 1st para
2.Task achievement: you did quite well even though the conclusion isn't very impressive.
The essential social capabilities such as communication skills, teamwork, leadership and time management are gradually cultivated with group workshops and various kinds of social activities in universities.=>great point

WEAK POINTS:
1.Wordiness:
'the controversial debate surrounding universities' =>the controversial debate around university
'as a centre of culture life where knowledge is transferred and updated.'=> propagated
2.Grammar and expression:
imparting knowledge and educating people are basic duty of universities where people decide career direction and acquire more specialized knowledge and skills
=>The primary duty of universities is imparting knowledge and training people to become high-quality labour force resources for country development.

'Some of them deem universities principally provide training for people to be qualified employees.'what does the word "them" refer to?;
=>some people deem that ...

Systematic and comprehensive training programs in specific fields urge people to master information required quickly and thoroughly
=> run-on sentence.To achieve their long-term targets, universities must have systematic and comprehensive training programs.

universities playing the most important role in education system have to guarantee the knowledge conveyed is true and useful, which can be achieved through the researching function

=> run-on sentence.The second function of universities is to guarantee that the knowledge spread widely is true and useful, which require serious and thorough researching of many scholar generations.

'Old knowledge is applied to particular problems during research and solutions found often bring about innovations in culture and technology to promote human and communities to step forward.'

=> Results of researches and knowledge taught in universities should be applied to solve particular problems in real life so that they can bring about innovations in culture and technology and promote society to step forward

3.Coherence and cohesion
Your writing lacks coherence and cohesion.

.
beepro21   
Aug 21, 2011
Writing Feedback / "Gifted people and talents" - IELTS - Cam7 test1 task2 [4]

Your writing is so good that it's quite hard for me to find mistakes. Congratulations!You fulfilled the task well.You not only paraphrased the statement in given questions successfully but also made great points in your writing. However, you should pay more attention to some minor mistakes such as spelling mistakes and wordiness.

'One maybe the most essential reason is their talents are often neglected. In China, students are forced to attend to various extra classes of Mathematics and English, and have to do enormous homework additionally due to the university entrance examination, which is considered as the primary task for them'.=> Maybe one of the most essential reasons is that...

'Undeniably, the effort plays a key role in one's success, especially in obtaining a technique, while it is not the insurance leading to succeed in some field like art and sport.' while=>however

'themselves' faults'=>their own faults
'which means they are gifted and good at certain subjects without effort, in another word, genius.'=> in other words, they are genius.
your grade:7.5
beepro21   
Aug 19, 2011
Writing Feedback / Music development-writing task 2 in ielts test [2]

We can not deny the great importance of music as a means of entertainment both in the past and in current modern society. In the past, music and live performances were made to meet a need of entertainment as music removes them temporarily from anguish of the life in earnest. Nowadays, to relax after a long day, a person can listen to songs which are widely available on the radio or on TV , in a CD or in a theater. It is likely that with the technology's support, music is now more easily accessible to listeners than ever before, which seems to bring about both advantages and disadvantages. This writing will argue that the advantages of music development outweigh its disadvantages.

Due to technology and advertising development, many records are released each year, which means that it is not difficult to find and enjoy music. Since 1950s of the last century, music industry has developed strongly. Many music awards are given to honor the singers and artists who have great contributions to music development in the world. The fact results in some notable advantages. Firstly, music lovers or audiences benefit a lot from this development. They can have a variety of choices in music tastes such as pop, rock, jazz, country, ...The diversity in music enriches people's spiritual lives because each song is a message from the soul of a composer. It can express our secret thoughts, our wild dreams and our complex emotions. It also encourages people to be stronger and more optimistic about life. Secondly, the distance between artists and audience is shortened remarkably because of advanced technologies. Thanks to power of the media, singers can have massive advertising campaigns and their music products can come closer to the music lovers. For example, a hit song can be spread quickly among Internet users and can get immediate responses. Furthermore, the availability of music indicates a high level of social development in which music entertainment is satisfied sufficiently. It proves that the nature of social development means better life to everyone.

However, the quick development of music market brings us some disadvantages. Copycat phenomena and body show -off is not strange to us these days but governments seem to have some obstacles to control the music healthiness. Singers have a big influence on thinking ways and lifestyles of people especially the youth. Many teenagers wear sexy outfits merely because they want to look like their idols. In addition, foul language and images in video music also partly influence teenagers' personality development.

In conclusion, music development affect our spiritual lives greatly so government's effective actions are necessary to control the disadvantages and guarantee a healthy development toward truth, kindness and beauty.
beepro21   
Aug 19, 2011
Writing Feedback / What kind of writing have you done at work and in school? [4]

I like your interesting writing .You satisfied most of task requirements with a well-structured essay. The introduction is really good because it heralds what you are going to write next. There is a good connection between different paragraphs which I like most in this writing. However, I think you should pay more attention to the use of punctuation and develop third paragraph further. You should write more about your strengths and weaknesses as a writer.You told about your experiences in which you didn't finish your essay but I think it's likely about your management time skills. I mean that you should write more about your strong and weak points in writing. What is the thing you hasn't satistified about your writing and what are you going to improve your writing in the future?

Hope that my ideas can be useful to you.
beepro21   
Aug 19, 2011
Writing Feedback / Key issues to make city become better! [3]

Hi!
I can see your rich vocabulary and ideas in the writing but there are some pionts that you should take into considerations.
1. Grammar
wordiness:live their dreams->realize their dreams
creation -> creative power
clean , green, safe->( repetition in meaning) healthy
seek to ban more effectively-> seek effective solutions
innovate ways->innovative ways
conditional sentence:...if one day I were..., I will change
2. coherence and cohesion : you spend so much time on environment issues instead of suggesting practical measures to improve current environment in a city. About finance issues, I think you writing is quite good. If you have another paragraph of education issues , your writing will be more well-structured and fulfill task requirements.

your score:6
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