I think you have shown some very good points. You have constructed your essay very nicely as well. Here are a few suggestions.
To begin with, public celebrations aretheoccasionswhichwherepeopleare gettinggeta chance to know their national heroes, respect them, pass the knowledge about the knowledge of their great contributions to younger generation.
I like the way you have written your essay although i think it may need a bit more sentences because it seems too short. But what you have written already is very neat and very well organized. Keep up the good work. :)
I see quite a few mistakes in your essay. Here are my suggestions.
For recent years
In recent years
As a results, nature is suffering from being exploited including lands.
As a result, mother nature is being exploited everyday.
However, I think that there is more need for land to be developed for housing and industry since my country needs concentration on industry and there are a lot of homeless people as well as many cities is overpopulated which leads to deprived living standard.
This sentence is very long. Try to break it down into 2 at least in your own way.
I like the way you write. It's very clear and very well constructed.
The only suggestion I have is that your essay might sound better if reduce the length of some of your sentences. For example,
Additionally, life in a big city can be best enjoyed during youth when one can maturely handle the stress and fast pace of big city living and at the same time take advantage of the best that big cities have to offer- like opportunity to meet people from world over, trying cuisines from different nations, frequent shows and exhibitions, etc
This is a big sentence, try to break it down in your own way. :)
In my opinion, it can be unhealthy to place too much worth on any group, simply because of age, since, both groups have their own part to play.
good point... :)
which is useful for the younger generation.
These people worked their whole life to make the family or society better. These people have spent their lives for the betterment of their families and societies.
I think you have some very good points for this essay and you are careful not to over weigh one part of the topic.
I think your wasting a lot of characters on the first few sentences which is really not important to the question. Try to add more on the volunteer work and cut down on the sad situation with your girl friend. :)
During my thirty years, I have learned a lot of things in my life, but an important thing is how to be a parent.
I have learned many important things in my thirty years on this planet, but perhaps the most important of them all is to how to be a good parent.
For must folks , the parents have to feed the children with healthy food, , help them in their homework and provide them with good health insurance.
I think "most" is the word you are looking for.
Many people believe being a good parent is to provide their children with healthy food, to provide them a good education and to protect them with health insurance.
To be honest it is very complicated and sometimes I lost track of what I was reading. Try to simplify it a lot more. The first paragraph, though written in perfect English, didn't make any sense to me. :/
You really need to simplify it a lot more or the readers will not be interested by your essay.
As for my interests, which happen to be Business Administration and Economics,my goal is to combine my two interests, which happen to be Business Administration and Economics, into one culminating effort to start and succeed in running my own business.
I think it sounds better now. But I still feel it is a little too long.
Most importantly, the traffic congestion in the cities always makes the city life miserable.
I think "hectic" would be a better word instead of "miserable".
I agree on the fact that moving factories would decrease the traffic within the city. But then again once you move it to the countryside, people living there would start working in those factories. And in the end the countryside would also be another city. :/
My love offor mathematics and statistics is in my genes.
As an assistant of our maths teacher, I not only kept outstanding grades but also helped improving the grades of the whole class.
I guess you assisted your teacher in her work voluntarily and it was not some paid work. So, when you say ''as an assistant of our teacher'' it gives an impression as if you were doing a paid job as an assistant. Better re-phrase!
I intend to start a banking empire on which the sun never sets
... Great! :D ... Yep, we experienced too bad economic turmoils and don't want any more in the futute! :D
This objective serves not to fulfill greed; rather, it intends to galvanize economic accretion and express concern for the ever growing issues facing society.
ummmmm.... I have no idea what you have written about or why you have written it in the first place. It is better for us if post the prompt so that we have an idea of what you are writing about.
Very interesting story. Although I am not a guy who is into stock markets and stuff, it was fun to read. I like the way you have shown the experience you gained from MapleStory to your real life situation. Keep up the good work. :)
There are many aspects of aspects to prove this, which just quit significant of them are listed here.
????? I don't understand this sentence. Please rephrase it.
First and actually the most important reason which impressed me to disagree with this matter is some psychological articles which I've already read about learning process in kids.
First and foremost, it is proven psychologically that children are influenced more by their peers than by their teachers.
You have good points but you need to work on your presentation.
Very nice essay. And I completely agree with you. But maybe you could have just added that it is also very important not to forget where you came from. For example certain rules in countries might go against certain traditions of other countries. Even though you should respect the rules of the country you are currently living in, it is important not to forget your traditions as well.
Some people think that is not important because life will become easier and efficiency if people no need to spend their limited time to learn and understanding other languages.
Some people believe that learning new languages is a waste of time and that life would become easier and more efficient if the world had only a few languages.
The main reason that we should protect the languages which is dying out every year is the language brings its own culture.
This sentence has a few issues. It would be better to rephrase it.
It guidespeople through the market and services and a blessing for those whohavedonothaveenough time to search all these things and enables better choice.
On the other hand, advertisements not only inform us about a new product but also force people to want them
I wouldn't say "force". Tempt maybe a better word for this situation.
You have shown good points although I would not agree with you saying that friends would not care as much as a host family would. If they don't, then they can hardly be called friends. lol.
It would be nicer to see this essay in paragraphs. Its a little annoying to be reading it like this.
Secondly, employed senior citizens may lead to unemployment to the young generation. Thirdly, there will not be enough young people to look after the aged people.
Secondly. employed senior citizens would close down employment opportunities for young adults.
An another point is that
"An" is not used in front of "another"...
elder people don't buy manyanythingsortospend a lot of money.
Recent US gun shot which killed innocent children and responsible staff brought endless sorrow to the community and arouse the public's rethinking towards gun control.
You have said "brought" at the beginning of the sentence and therefore everything should be in the past tense.
Your essay is well constructed and the examples you have used are very good.Your ideas are brilliant and I like the way you write. Well done. :)
You write very well. And your sentences are very clear. But the idea of freaking out to go to a gym? hmmm.. To be honest as I was reading your essay I thought it might have been a job interview or something.
I believe there must have some solutions to this problem.
I believe that it is important to find a solution for this problem.
When one student cheats, it affects all the students in the class. Teachers will start to question the work done by other students as well, resulting in a negative learning environment. It is important to understand that the credibility of the entire class remains unquestioned only if the entire class is honest with their work.
There are many people with generous hearts , whogive their moneyinwith thehopethat it would helpto feed the starving children,but the money they sacrifices end up inpocketsthe stomachof the heartless tricksters.
I like the way you write. Everything is very clear and tidy. It is a very good essay. Just a few hiccups here and there shown by the previous comment, but other than that it's very good. Best of luck to you. :)
I read your essay from top to bottom and I must say you have done an excellent job. Very neat and nicely constructed. And I like the way you write. Well done. :)
and with butterflies practically throwing a party inside my stomach
... hehehe nice one.
it enables them to freely move their legs to speed up.
it enables them to speed up by moving their legs freely.
I like your essay. You have presented your love for the sport beautifully. I think it's best if you post the prompt so that we can give you more accurate feedbacks.
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