When I was in high school, I realized that my dream iswas to be a manager or to pursue a business related career, especially in thean international company. In the senior year, Foreign Trade University (FTU) in Hanoi washad been my very first choice for the reason that it hashad both of my favorite factors:subjects, economics and foreign trade
Many people think that a doctor is more important than investors.
In your prompt it is "inventors" and here you have mentioned "investors". These two words have very different meanings; Inventor - a person who invented a particular process or device or who invents things as an occupation Investor - someone who commits capital in order to gain financial returns Which one is the right word?
thanks ...but that's just one part of my essay ...not whole the essay... anyway..thanks for your feedback
Ok, then re do the whole essay following the structure I suggested you and post it here. :) It is not clear which section you have covered in the above writing. It looks like a body para, but it is too long for a body paragraph. You have to be mindful about the timing for this task. It is very important that you complete it on time and also it contains the necessary features. i.e. Introduction, Body Paras and the Conclusion. I am sure if you follow the above structure, you won't be confused any more :D
Dumi has suggested you an appropriate structure in one of your previous threads. I strongly advise you to follow that if you are very keen on achieving a good score for this task. You basically need -
1. Introduction 2. Overview 3. Detail paragraphs (body paras) In this writing it is difficult to separate and identify your intro and overview :(
Yes, follow dumi's advice on structuring your writing for this task. It is important that you have those three features in your writing - Introduction, Overview, Details
The mostmain purpose people visitof UK travelers was for holidayholidaying and in fourthfifthyearsyear, the number of travelers visiting other countries for holiday purpose increased about10.000people visits.20700.
I didn't find any information with regard to 10000 visitors. You have to be very careful when you write the detail paragraph and should deal with the accurate figures.
The graph shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan amongfrom March 1993 andto March 1999.
Generally, percentage of work force increase sharply from March 1993 to March 1999 in Japan. Even though in US, percentage of work force decreased sharply every year.
... this is your overview and try to present it as a very generalized observation that covers the main picture of this image based presentation; Overall, the two countries have experienced opposite trends with regard to unemployment rates, Japan having an upward trend while the US has experienced a downward trend during this six year period.
First of all, watching movies at the cinema here in the neighborhood will be a great time to spend with family or friends. We love to watch movies together. Is a plan that all of us in the neighborhood would like to do inside the neighborhood.
Tell how such experience would provide people with great time and then give your example. This is what I suggest; First of all, a facility that is built to provide entertainment is a major break through for the people in our neighborhood as they do not have easy access currently to such places. By building a movie theater, the the people in the neighborhood would be able to spend some quality time with their families and friends during their leisure time.
Well, it is very difficult to understand whether this is a full essay or a part of it. By the way, this is the structure our dumi often suggests for IELTS and TOEFL tasks and I think it can be applied to any ordinary essay.
Pay serious attention to improve your essay structure. Hope you would follow what dumi has suggested. That structure contains all necessary features for you to earn marks as well as it helps you handle time effectively. :)
This phenomenon is also associated with several drawbacks.
Well, if your topic is what your title tells us, then you have gone out of track here. The title asks why people spend lavishly for marriage ceremonies. It does not ask you to discuss pros and cons of this phenomenon. Anyways, you should have included your full prompt in the essay so that we could have had a better idea about what it requires from you.
Hey there, where is your diagram? Use the Attach file(s) feature in the message block to upload your diagram. It is important for us to see it to provide you with more meaningful comments :)
I think that the students are going to school or academy.
None of these sentences provide any idea to the reader. You need to improve clarity of your sentences a lot. Do not try to use more advance words if you are not familiar with their appropriate usage. Synonyms sometimes can be very dangerous as all similar words do not give the same impression.
I guess this is what you attempt to say; First, the students need the support and guidance from a trained and more knowledgeable person to understand more advance concepts. For example, the subjects like Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics etc. are not easy to understand if their concepts and fundamentals are not introduced to the students effectively.
BecauseSince the university students haveare intellectually matured enoughgrown up , they have enoughthe ability to read and understandthe concepts through references from text books .
You have too many reasons in this body para. It is good to have one reason per para and support each reason with a specific example.
Your body paras should not be too lengthy. It might put you trouble as you would not be able to complete the task on time if you spend too much time on them.
Firstly, the whole process starts when frogs mate on the land and it leads their females to lay eggs on the ponds.
Well, the mating part of the frogs not shown or indicated in the diagram. Do not write anything other than what your diagram has presented. This task is to assess your report writing skills and therefore your writing should strictly be limited to what the diagram has presented.
Then, frog's egg crack turn into small embryo that have a tiny body and slippery skin.
The eggs break releasing embryos into the water that have a tiny body with slippery skin.
Firstly, frogs can spend much time in their life in water because frogs are special animal. They can breathe in the water.
These sentences do not provide any useful detailed information to the reader. This is a task that attempts to assess your reporting skills. So your writing should be limited to what you observe in the diagram. You cannot write your opinions here. Instead of the above lines, you should have described the different stages of the frogs life as shown in the diagram.
For this reason, organizations make teams of employees with complementary skills who can work with each other, sharing experiences and completing common taskexerting more force on completing assigned tasks . StaffSuch teams organize their efforts and strategies in a mutually supportive way, so the organization benefits from many ways, like increasing of performance in work production.
As a child, I wondered about voltage and current distribution systems...
I like if this came up earlier. That is to start with how your interest (in the field) developed and then how you pursued your interest.
Also, you do not talk about your future goals. It is important for you to tell them about your aspirations and how this program is going to help you achieve them. SOP is the best opportunity for you to let them (admission folks) stuff that other parts of your application, like transcriptions, recommendation letters etc. cannot tell them.
On the one hand, there are people who believe that artists make the beautiful and relaxing things in our life.
Align your writing more with the topic; On the one hand, we should not forget the contribution that artists make to enhance the quality of our society as well as our lives by their beautiful and meaningful creations.
On the one hand, there are people who believe that artists make the beautiful and relaxing things in our life..
In this para, you need to tell the reader how important the role that artists play in society to have your writing more aligned with the prompt.
Hey...what you have done is a violation of EF rules. You cannot post your essays in image form. You should type it here or copy paste it. I don't think you'd get any meaningful feedbacks if you post your essays like this. It's strange that dumi has not found your post yet. You can certainly have the image containing the table, but your essay , you need to type or copy paste here. Once you do that I too would provide my comments on your writing.
Well, for me, your SOP looks a bit too lengthy. I have seen admission2012 suggesting that your SOP should not be more than 1300 words and I think that's a very wise approach. The SOP tells many things to the admission panel about you that your other parts of the application cannot tell them. This is the chance for them to know you as a person.
Poverty is one of the most arduous challenges facing the world is facing today
Similar to the poor, wealthy countries too are also facing many social problems such as poverty, crime, andv addiction to drugs and alcohol every day.
Throughout history, there are many examples of countries that have overcome poverty and rebuilt their economicseconomies and nation by their own effortsof themselves.alone.
I have originatedcome from a family where the highest priority wasis always given to good education.
The ever increasing applications of computers in technological development demand more efficient networking. Coming from a background of Electronics and Communication Engineering...
I feel you drag a bit too much here. I think you should cut it down a bit more. I find your SOP contains most of the important aspects that should be said in a SOP. It is just this part I feel is a bit more overdone. Overall, I think this is a good SOP :)
Personally, I think it is fair that sportsmen earn more money and I have somedue to several reasons for it.
To begin with, it is an irrefutable fact that sport is a business and most of the profits of sportsmen aredo come from non-governmental organizations and advertisements.
Moreover, the governmental salaries of people, who work in the spheres of sports and entertainment don't differ from the salaries of doctors and teachers largely.
.... hmmmmm... smart point.... however, such people do not belong to the category of sportsmen.
Hey, upload the graph using the Attach file(S) feature in the Message block :) Without seeing that it is difficult for us to give you more meaningful comments :( In 2005, there were number of 50 zebras and 40 buffaloes.
Zebras and buffaloes increased to just under 80 zebras and 80 buffaloes in 2007.
In the year 2007, they increased in their numbers to be just below 80 zebras and 80 buffaloes
Is this essay for practicing for IELTS or TOEFL? Tell us why you wrote it so that we know what it wants from you. When we know that we can give you more meaningful feedbacks.
Dumi and eddies have already given you best advice. Hope you pay attention to them. In addition, I feel you should stick to the 4 para structure. I doubt whether you were able to manage time for this task - seems a bit lengthy. Did you finish it on time?
I began working at a nursing home while additionally studying for my nursing career.
I began to work at a nursing home while continuing my part time studying to compliment my nursing career.
I worked full time and loved my nursing responsibilities but the joy was cut short when my bosses couldn't work with my school schedule.
I worked full time enjoying my nursing activities and responsibilities, but unfortunately the management couldn't do anything to accommodate my class schedule.
Later on in my studies I applied at a local hospital to continue gaining experience.
..."Later on in ???... better you rephrase this sentence to enhance its presentation.
I am writing this letter to express my interest toin applying for the PhD position available in the group XXXX under the project "Molecular modeling study of the activation of transmembrane receptors involved in chemical senses" at the University of XXXX.
I would like to bewould be glad if I stand a chance to be selected for this PhD position because I think this project givesit would provide me the opportunity to develop and improve in a research fieldmy research capabilities that is a part of my professional goals
To begin with, if our neighbors are very sociable, we can acquaintanceassociate with them easily and then tied-upstrengthen our relationship step by stepgradually.Consequently,As a result, both of us can understand each other easily. For instance, when I was studying for advanced level exam, our neighbor was not very genial person.our neighbors were not so caring type of people. Although, they knew that I would have exam by the next month, they listened radio by having high volume. It made me so many disturbed and I couldn't concentrate well on studies.
The bar chart and pie charts show details about severalthe reasons rates aswhy adults' decisiondecide to study and how the costs which should beof courses were shared by three factors in each course, Taxpayer, Individuals , and Employers .
This is what I suggest for your intro; The bar chart illustrates the statistics of the reasons why adults decide to study and the pie chart presents how the cost of each course is shared by the taxpayer, individual and employer.
].... your body paras are pretty large and you would not be able to finish your essay on time if this is written for IELTS or TOEFL (your topic suggests that you are preparing for one of them). Follow dumi's suggestion seriously for your essay structure. It contains all necessary features as well as it helps you save time :)
The given line graph shows a breakdown o f the number of men pupilmales graduated from the faculty of science of Callum University over aduring the six6- year period from 1995 to 2011.
Overall, it is quite interesting that the change number of male graduates experienced twice both increasing and decreasing.
This is a very very confusing overview. You fail to convey any clear idea or trend to the reader by this sentence. Also, you need to adopt a more formal tone since this is about report writing. So avoid phrases like "it is interesting " etc.
Your body paras too look pretty lengthy. You need to pay more attention to your essay structure because it should help you complete the task on time while allowing you to score decently :D
Hey ...your SOP seems to be way too long. As far as I know, a good SOP should not exceed 1200 words. This is the guideline provided by many contributors in this forum for the SOP.
The two given maps tell us the information on an island, before and after the construction of many / some / a lot of / a few / lots of travelling / tourist facilities / equipment. As is shown / presented in these maps, a significant / dramatic change happened / occurred in the island.
You need to follow dumi's suggestion seriously. Your intro should briefly introduce the graphical presentation. Since this task is aimed at assessing your report writing skills, you need to adopt a tone which is more appropriate for report writing. You cannot have every details in the intro. The body paras are the places for details.
Do You Need Academic Writing or Editing Help?
✖
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:
