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Posts by temptprovidence
Joined: Feb 22, 2013
Last Post: Nov 16, 2014
Threads: 8
Posts: 163  
Likes: 35
From: pakistan

Displayed posts: 171 / page 4 of 5
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temptprovidence   
Mar 28, 2013
Writing Feedback / Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to exchange of information [9]

As a well say ,' every coin has both sides'

"saying says..." will be the replacement.

Modern technology is a case in point .

this turns out meaninglesss...

thereis pros and cons for everything

are. .

there is no definately harm our lives

there is no defini tely harm to our lives
that was a great attempt overall :)
temptprovidence   
Apr 1, 2013
Undergraduate / I spent four years working with John Smth ;Boulder/Influential people in my life. [5]

John has taught me how to setup

has is not to be used here :)
em
mighta

avoid these even if in quotes.
then you have a good expression but you must try to make it more to the point. for giving colour you wrote about what chris said. do for it so that you can express how near you are to the topic. you wasted your word limit for that. :) MAYBE I WAS HELPFUL!! thats why i didnt make much corrections for you were confusing but you seem to be good enough in that to improve it yourself :)
temptprovidence   
Apr 1, 2013
Writing Feedback / When did the future switch from being a promise to being a threat? [4]

Even thousands years ago, when live was not as complicated as it is now, people were afraid af that what was waiting for them.

Even thousands of years ago, when lif e was not as complicated as it is now, people were afraid o f that what was waiting for them

SIMPLE TYPING ERRORS!!


Teenagers were feeling scared of getting married

drop this word out.

On the od er hand, future also always has been a promise

On the od er hand, future also always hashave been a promise

what is very probably to happen. That is why our future is not a thing that we should be only worried about but also look foward it, because we never know what good can ocurre

what is very probable to happen. That is why our future is not a thing that we should be only worried about but also look for ward to it, because we never know what good can ocurre

type carefully!

that was a good narration overall. use have for past present and future :)
temptprovidence   
Apr 1, 2013
Writing Feedback / Encouraging students to take part in more unpaid community services is always an excellent idea [4]

It also is one the best way to make new friends

It also is one the best ways to make new friends

This is not only wasting their time, but detrimental to their health as lacking of physical activities

....as they lack the physical activity.

The nature of unpaid community service is a voluntary work and volunteering means there is no compulsory

...compulsion.
that was a great expression and you have good points. best of luck :)
temptprovidence   
Apr 1, 2013
Writing Feedback / Who enjoy life more? Young or Old? [6]

dumi were my corrections right? and i want to ask you something about this forum. can i ask about it right on this thread? thanks.
temptprovidence   
Apr 1, 2013
Essays / Need ideas for a catching start, topic sentence or headline [7]

i want to ask dumi about the uncertain kind of thing happening in here. my likes are decreasing one by one every day and one of the thread that of chessman.. i made two posts. neither the thread is available on this forum not even in the closed ones nor both of the likes i had on that are present in my account. i am certainly not helping people here for "likes" but i think likes are my precious record i have. plz explain this. and help me retrieve the loss. otherwise let me know the fault thats making me to suffer this.THANKYOU SO MUCH!! :)

temptprovidence

Maybe you Feature your threads (and it costs some Likes).

temptprovidence   
Apr 14, 2013
Research Papers / Death Penalty (Research Paper); Introduction sentence [4]

may be you can start from some narration.. a piece of a scene involving death penalty and then you start with the comments and your info.. HOPE THAT HELPS.:)
temptprovidence   
Apr 14, 2013
Essays / (how to argue?) Argument essay on banning smoking in public [5]

so d'you mean how to take a start? start with the thing that your own country observes and then slowly broaden your view to the whole world.. :) means that you say about the major rules your country has for smoking in the first para and then next para talks about your continent... move on to the broadening your circle of observations of rules of smoking and penalty for violation to the world ^-^
temptprovidence   
Apr 14, 2013
Writing Feedback / TOEFL iBT: Integrated Essay, The win-win negotiating [4]

get something valuable for them

... themselves.

There are several points that are crucial during the negotiating

....negotiation

Both Tony and company

"the" will be used in this place.
you write well but grammar lies as a bit weak side of yours. otherwise.. you go best. try wordpad (microsoft) where it underlines grammatical mistakes in green... spells in red. that can help you off to perfection in many other fields as well such as strength and sense of sentence...!!!
temptprovidence   
Apr 14, 2013
Writing Feedback / "Every thing is alive because of water"; Clean Water ESSAY [3]

Water is an important source for all creature

....creatures

Water, especially clean, is needed for humans and plane ts.

I can't imagine how would life be with out clean water.

that is a single word...

We wouldn't be able to eat food because it would be the same as the garbage

Of coarse , none can do it.

course ... spelling error.

If there hasn't been clean water, we wouldn't be exist because our parents would have died.

...existing.

Plane ts can't live without clean water.

They got so weak when they are watered with salty water and die.

They gotcan get so weak when they are watered with salty water and can die.

Water that isn't clean ma y a ffect onto what they produce.


With out those three sourc e,

...sources.
mistakes are to be pondered .BEST OF LUCK:)
temptprovidence   
Apr 15, 2013
Writing Feedback / TOEFL iBT: Integrated Essay, The win-win negotiating [4]

okay... then thats certainly a mistake in my observation. and thats obvious because i myself have no good strength at english... that was weak perception overall from my side :)
temptprovidence   
Jun 9, 2013
Grammar, Usage / [the word talent and trend] - help regarding grammar! [4]

plz help me with these..

(1)is the word "talent" a noun or an adjective?

(2)playing jokes on April fools day is common in many regions although none knows how the tradition began.
the word in bold carries a mistake but i am not clear about it... whats that???

(3)noone but him could have told them that the thief was i.
the use of this word here is correct... which law of pronoun does this correspond to??
temptprovidence   
Jun 9, 2013
Undergraduate / Love one another and help others to rise to the higher levels; Peace Corps. [3]

the more life throws at you the more you reflect on the meaning verses an idea.

put some clarity to the last part of the sentence.

I have come to understand not just love but our connection to each other and the world.

...connections

Love is the affectionate actions towards others, one's self and nature.

action ... you used is that means action will be used as singular.
your expression is excellent and the use of emotional attachment was wonderful... you just showed a little deviation from the topic in the second para but i think there is nothing wrong with it.. that was good.. but some readers really take that seriously... so... otherwise i am highly impressed.

BEST OF LUCK!

temptprovidence   
Jun 9, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS To what extent should economic planning be influenced by the need of environmen [3]

While some individuals are struggling in order to create a better living opportunities

The resident of such countries seek for better opportunities to live in greener environment and definitely would not want to back to old and inconvenient lifestyles.

residents ... want to go back

such vision of environmental conservation in developing countries is rather the luxury that reality.

i think you typed some word wrong in here.

Those nation are more worried about another issues such as increasing poverty, lack of basic sustenance and education

nations ... other ...

your reasoning is appreciable.. plus the adequate amount of vocabulary you used. just look for some mistakes that i think are some typing mistakes on your part. BEST OF LUCK!
temptprovidence   
Jun 9, 2013
Writing Feedback / My dog spoke to me! Essay for a writing contest [2]

that was wonderful MAN... hats off... your age and your narration. vocabulary was more than enough. how excited i am to listen to the results of the competition you are taking part in...!!! haha :) BEST OF LUCK!
temptprovidence   
Jun 13, 2013
Writing Feedback / Formal exams and Course Assignments; Which is better to assess students? [6]

the first thing that must be mentioned by me is that i dont mean criticism at all. wherever i have pointed out minor mistakes there i mean to let you know the means of improvement. so, hope you take it light and considerable for i am no better than anyone here.

Formal examinations has been considered as a best testing method

have ... the ..

This essay will examine argument for and against both of sides for each kind of measurement.

This essay will examine an argument for and against both of the aspects for each kind of measurement.

However, it might be not totally true in this contemporary time

not be essentially .. the sentence will make more sense with this alternative.

they always get high scores and be evaluated at top-qualified students at school.

were ... as ...

In the other hand, course works has been applied recently in western nations like Australia,

on ...
that was a good attempt. BEST OF LUCK!
temptprovidence   
Jun 16, 2013
Essays / "Are You Digging My Grave ?"/ Thomas Hardy - Need help with this paper [3]

He was also an talented poet.

He was the oldest of his siblings

eldest ...

Hardy wrote mostly about poems that deal witht the theme of disappoionment in love and life and the stuggle

dealt ...

Thomas has wrote many different poems.

it would be either "wrote " or "has written "..

"Are You Digging My Grave ?" Is about the a women who thinks people whom she impacted while she was a live.

alive is a single word...

world just keeps going with out you

would be digging on her grave

out ...

she belives that someone her she loves is digging on her grave but really infact it is her dog

believes ... in fact ... simple errors.

your points were well but they need improvement just a bit and revising it yourself can make all the better out of it. BEST OF LUCK!
temptprovidence   
Jun 21, 2013
Essays / While celebrating mother's day i nearly lost my father - it changed my outlook in life [5]

oh yes.. a great topic it is but not as a topic sentence or starting line. not even using the sentence at all is the best option... if the question allows you..

that sentence have enough attraction to make all of it. besides you must use a sentence for starting like....
"happy mother's day mom!" i hugged my mother....or something like that... BEST OF LUCK!

temptprovidence   
Jun 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / THE DIVINE MAGIC WAND; Beliefs and thoughts [4]

PLEASE... i want a lengthy correction for that plus the concept that can be drawn out from this piece of writing.. how good the concept was. thanks!

Drowning people, so much handicapped in their beliefs by just a few experiences of failure...!
Cocksure people, too much certain about what they reckon...!
Rather, vague people, oblivious of something that can always matter...!
Oblivious of the divine hand. the invisible magic wand..!!!

Beliefs and thoughts; both can be self-created. Both can be taken in any direction. Both can be understood in a several different conceptions' but still' out of these all' only one of them.. only one of these directions is the right one. Stressfully, only one. Man has been created studded with faults and mistaken perceptions, and the probability of their being wrong is always yet higher. And those who ultimately get the right way to think; are bestowed with the ability to skim through life and see the original picture behind this uncertain surface of life! we call that sufism!

With an inbuilt instinctive rumination, I came to the conclusion that we all are yet living in our immature world of thoughts. We think just what we want. We perceive just equal to our abilities to think. But I can tell everyone of a refuge from this immaturity. Because, we all think immaturely about future. We are most often utterly disappointed by the actuality. If we want to avoid such disappointments, we have to think perfectly. Nobody can obviously do that. So why not to look for an alternative? Why not go to the door of the one who knows everything and who is perfect...!! YES, why not just put our effort and leave all the consequences to be dealt by the divine magic wand! Why not find our peace in prayers rather than the rotten music? Why not pray, believe and trust the hand that is always perfect? Why not... just why not trust in this vivid refuge!!
temptprovidence   
Jun 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / Eaqual number of male & female students in universities [5]

i agree with the above comments and also was feeling that your essay was just adequate but you need rather more. you can revise your own essay and then the comments then again your essay. you will come to the conclusion and you can then yourself attempt better... for you have the tendency for that.

and then with this...


Secondly, you need a more solid evidence. Maybe a research result showing the difference between boys and girls,
Or a research showing the "success" percentage of the different genders will help to provide a solid ground to back your points up.

here eddie said was somehow true but that would make your points dull for the reader but if you think your requirement is not the attraction of the reader but keep the prooving of your point as a priority, then do follow this.

BEST OF LUCK!
temptprovidence   
Jul 3, 2013
Writing Feedback / Mother Teresa; Essay on Role Model [3]

She found prayerto be essential in her life and spent many hours in prayer communicating with God.

as .. this is just better. yours is also correct

I do not feel ones need to be cut off from society to have God in my life, although I do agree with her on the importance of incorporating prayer and repenting sin.

their...

By her actions alone, people started to reach out and help the needy who were in distress instead of ignoring the problems they faced

are ... maybe i am wrong but this replacement seems better.

She was completely dedicated to God, and everything she did was to bring glory to him.

with ...

your essay was reasonably good.focus on some petty mistakes and try better to be a bit precise. that rather depends on the requirment of the prompt for which you are writing the essay. BEST OF LUCK!
temptprovidence   
Jul 6, 2013
Graduate / Our country needs more efficient economic policies - Masters in Economics [5]

This realization promoted me to study economics

promoted an urge .... ORprompted

I can come back to home country to work in public sector to increase the quality of people's life .

quality of life of people here..

As a result, I hope my application will be accepted and I am looking forward to study in the QQQ.

thus i am here with the anticipation that my application will be rewarded with approval and i will be allowed to avail myself of the opportunity to study at QQQ...this sentence is preferable i think..!

Sincerely yours.

yours sincerely. . it is better
i just did where i felt i must do. mean no criticism BEST OF LUCK!
temptprovidence   
Jul 6, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY: IMPROVEMENTS OF THE TOURISM INDUSTRY [5]

Nowadays these trashes are mostly made of undissolved materials such as plastic of metal,

with undissolved you can also add non-biodegradeable . it clarifies your view

farmers loses their jobs and the native people do not have enough rice to eat.

lose ... find ...

However, there are places which are unaffected by tourism such as suburbs, forests or mountain areas.

mountainous ..
your writing didnt carry much mistakes but lack the attraction power that must be the real colour. you need to make a bit changes only. if you thinkyou need other peoples' help, this forum, members and moderators can do that. meant not to criticize but to help because i am an ordinary writer myself...!! BEST OF LUCK!! :)
temptprovidence   
Jul 7, 2013
Writing Feedback / Parents have numerous influences to teach us what to do [6]

parents effect our behavior.

affect

As we are un mature and young

immature

With parents' taught , we turn ourselves into independent people.

teachings

we respect our parents for their giveness and careness .

these words are wrong..

parents are powerful to children

than..
you need to improve your sentence formation BEST OF LUCK!!

temptprovidence   
Jul 8, 2013
Research Papers / "theory of natural selection" and "theory of special creation" RESEARCH ANALYSIS [3]

The modern theory in which most of the people believe is the modern concept of "Neo-Darwinism". The world has moved into the rather refined concepts of evolution and the progress of life on all spheres of land and environment. Most of the people who claim to know, know not more than that it was Darwin who referred the early stages of the development of man as the monkey kind. One must not blame Darwin for even if he is proved wrong in the later years, but best credit goes to him to open up a world of thought and consideration where many thoughtful ones were compelled to think about the world in a rather different way. He is the father of this thought provoking evolutionary theory.

People mostly fail to get convinced on his point because in fact no traces of fossils exist which can prove the evolutionary stages between man and monkey but yet there is another thing to think about. It is his theory of natural selection that is the basis of the today's knowledge about the most believed conception of "survival of the fittest".Here his theory with all kinds of comparative evidences, paleontology and molecular biology is combined with Mendel's proposals proving as the theory called "Neo-Darwinism". Of course Mendel was the one who formulated laws in biology which is not common, for, surprisingly, there are only two laws in biology due to the complex nature of life. and Darwin is still unable to make the theory as effective and attractive to boost it up as a law.

Of course this means there are a number of points besides natural selection that his theory contains and are a cause of utter disapproval. These points failed due to the lack of supportive evidences. Here the "theory of special creation" prominently stands out among all. We all believe in ADAM as the first man who descended down from heavens. Was he a case of special creation? yes that can be approved and Darwin is again proved wrong. So here it must be concluded that Darwin was true in the sense of similar evolving species and that which again cannot be applicable to all. This is the deviating nature of life where laws by Mendel and Hardy-Weinberg seem to be a great success.
temptprovidence   
Jul 20, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS essay: Should the government pay the tuition fees for students? [5]

governments' budget

it must be government's budget.its singular

Students nowadays just pay tuition feesfor salary of teaching staff and for improving of learning facilities.

for the improvements

Furthermore, the government has already invested in building schools, libraries, and supported for equipment, books, and the like

has supported.

it plays an important role for the development of each country.

in

you have defended your view well. BEST OF LUCK:)
temptprovidence   
Jul 28, 2013
Writing Feedback / Team Work Vs Working Independently ; Which is better? [5]

The essence of this statement underscores the necessity to expose yourself to others in order to strengthen our aptitude.

your..

Deemed provincial , I was advised to hold a discussion with other classmates for gleaning eclectic ideas

did you mean provincially ???

It was something that could have been done it individually.

So, teamwork is essential as it helps to have better results with little effort and in lesser time too.

if you can replace this sentence, it gives more colour to the view.
thus, teamwork not only proved to be less time consuming but also fruitful with a lesser degree of effort.
your writing need to become a little more complex. you have good vocabulary and good sentence formation with efficient grammar. so you can afford to make your essay a more professional type. after a few simple sentences, you can use a difficult one sentence. you have the potential to easily do that!!


This implies you alone can easily do something but hardly can do appropriately.

this implies that you alone...

The two ballasts of smart personality interaction and communication flairs can be procured only when we are in a mass not single.

use rather instead.

Hence, in for making ourselves fit to the dynamic environment we must have interactive and communication skills and obviously for this being able to work in group is almost indispensible.

communicative. ...

Let it be a community service or any other, institutional task, you ought to have teamwork spirit.

you ought to have a teamwork spirit. also remove the comma between other and institutional

you have great convincing power in your writitng! i contradicted with your view. bit in the end i felt i was wrong!
BEST OF LUCK!!

temptprovidence   
Jul 30, 2013
Writing Feedback / Task 1 IELTS- Acid rain emissions in UK over a period of 17 years [5]

Group 2 including Transport and communication was much slighter.

experienced much little change!
your analysis was good. also read this as well as how duminda has given corrections. can help a lot! BEST OF LUCK!!
and remember to check on the website dumi has stated in the post there!
temptprovidence   
Jul 30, 2013
Scholarship / The 99 or the 1? Beyond all Odds! ; How could this scholarship help me! [10]

three times it happened that i opened your thread and then reclosed it. today i thought i must just give it a try because i was not reading it just out of lethargy! and here i am. i read it and then couldn't help saving it in my bookmarks!

great writing. loved the developed passion. i couldn't read it with the critical point of view as most of us do at this platform of this forum. the interest was developed to read it for fun, not for making corrections. but if you need help in that respect, i can certainly reread it for that :)

your essay wasn't of any prompt! right? you wrote it for your ownself. if it isn't, it seems so because that was too greatly inspiring. i visit this forum just for my love in reading, writing and helping. your essay was one of my best experiences at this forum!! BEST OF LUCK!

temptprovidence   
Jul 30, 2013
Undergraduate / Son, daughter, grandchild, I have none; - Blueprint for the future [6]

didn't pay much attention to grammar issues. i will look at it afterwards...! if you want to know the errors, just look formicrosoft wordpad . it will highlight your grammatical errors in green, spelling in red, other mistakes such as sentence formation in blue!

hope this helps!


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