Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2. Patients' Mental Attitude towards Treatment [2]

Please help me with this essay.

A number of different medical traditions are now widely known and used: Western medicine (using drugs and surgery), herbal medicine, acupuncture (using needless at certain points of the body), homoeopathy (using minute doses of poisons), and soon.

How important is the patients' mental attitude towards his/her treatment in determining the effectiveness of the treatment?

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Health is a crucial thing for every single person in this world. When suffered an illness, medication is the direct solution the people take. Nowadays, there have been a big number of medical traditions widely recognized and applied like Western medicine, herbal medicine, acupuncture, homeopathy and many others. Regardless the classification of that medical treatment, patients' mental attitude on a treatment is regarding one of key success. This essay aims to investigate several reasons which base the importance of that mental attitude related to this case.

To begin with, although it is very hard to believe, Psychologist often says that what you think, what you will be. What I mean is whatever the kind of medical treatment we use when we get sick, our trust on the effectiveness of a particular treatment determines its result. I think this is the reason why someone who is not successful to remove his/her pain by consuming a modern pill, suddenly feeling better after joining an acupuncture practice. Probably he/she puts trust more on the acupuncture rather than on the ingredients of pill he consumed.

Furthermore, the conservative patients like most old people in my village, get healthy sooner if they cure it with traditional medicine. However, the modern people like citizens in big city, hardly feel any effect by using such kind of treatment. In contrast, they feel their illness can be released more quickly by consuming modern pill or other kinds of modern medicine. Again, it is due to the level of trust or mental attitude they put on each kind of medication.

In short, after analyzing explanations above, it can be clearly concluded that mental attitude towards medical treatment plays vital role which determines the effectiveness of that treatment.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2. Tax on Private Schools Should Not Be Paid [NEW]

Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
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Governments hold the responsibility to boost the country's education system. Thus, many people claim the tax that parent should pay when they bring their kids to private school as its long term benefits will be directed to the nation itself. However, I totally disagree to this view due to some reasons.

To begin with, private school's role has not been only as an education facility but also a business commodity for its owner. On the other hand, it is a regulation for the customer to pay the tax of a product they use. As private school is a product for its students as its customers, the duty to pay the tax is hold by the learners' parents.

Moreover, government has provided free education facilities through state school under purpose to support the quality of education in a nation. As an obvious example, the government in Indonesia has provided a tremendous number of schools which are spread in all part of this country. Here, it can be seen that the aim to support the state education system has been fulfilled by the existence of that state schools. So, the reason is not strong to base that general opposite view for the paying tax regulation.

To conclude, paying tax is an absolute duty of families who send their children to private school despite the reason to support education system of a country as this responsibility has been guaranteed by the existence of state education institution. Then, it is highly suggested to the parents who are unable to pay the tax to choose state school for their children for free charge.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: permit of women to run career in army must be supported [5]

Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?
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In today's world, there has been a tremendous change on different gender roles. Comparing to the past, recently, women tend to run a job which was previously only hold by men like the army, the navy or the air force. However, there is a controversial premise regarding to this condition as although some people believe that female should not be prohibited for this, the other tend to have the opposite opinion. In my personal point of view, I agree with the former statement based on some reasons.

To begin with, it should be understood that both men and women were born in the same physical power potency. It is just the matter of way they are grown up which changes the possibility of women to have the same body strength with the men. The intensive training in navy school, for instance, has proved it. There have been many women who work with this job. So, taking account on this fact, female should not be prohibited to run a career in like-men job such as those jobs previously mentioned.

In addition, the proportion of male compared to female is becoming more and more dominated. It forces the women to take decision immediately to run such kind of job which is previously identical only male's suitable profession. The required number army, for example, is never suited according to males' number only, instead of the total number of population including both those genders. Thus, it is clearly seen that women should be highly supported to enter academy for this profession.

In summary, considering both the previous fact of women's success on joining these like-men jobs and the decrease proportion of women in this world, the permit of women to run this career must be supported. Then, looking ahead, such kind of this job will be dominated by female in the future.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2. Less Homework Means Less Stress for Children [3]

Nowadays, children have a lot of homework to do. Some people, however, believe that less homework means less stress for children, so they will be able to learn other useful skills.

Do you agree or disagree?
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In order to attain the best learning output, teachers tend to give many treatments to their students. It includes giving as much homework as possible which is highly believed can enhance students' understanding on a material in one subject. However, there is a controversial view regarding to this condition. It is the general opinion which argues that the large amount of this task is highly potential to lead the increase of students' stress level. Thus, it should be limited in order to give them a chance for learning the other useful skills. Based on some reasons, I totally agree to this opinion.

To begin with, it is generally understood that children are in the age when they need much physical activities rather than to do something which requires think a lot. Receiving tasks excessively from school brings students into a zone where they do not have any chance to gather with their friends for playing, for instance. As the consequence, they immediately feel bored and it will lead them to be under pressure. This condition has a tremendous contribution to the increase of students' stress intensity.

Furthermore, it should be taken into account regarding the significance of learning other useful skills by a human in his or her early life. As a matter of fact, children age is the most appropriate time to learn particular skills they need for their daily life, e.g. cooking, driving, or sewing. However, it cannot be denied that this effort highly needs a special allocated time under purpose to intensify the learning process. Then, the time after backed from school is considered as the best opportunity for this. The challenge is the existence of high amount of homework as it limits, even removes, children's time for this.

In summary, students who are forced to deal with a high total of homework will make them stressful and be lost of chance to learn other important skills. So, it is highly suggested to the educators to limit the amount of that tasks in order to support children's other skills inquiry and development.

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Really need your feedback... ^__^

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1. Two bars: motivations to study and workers' support [4]

The first graph provides information regarding the motivations to study which are classified based on the learners' age while the second bar chart compares the workers' support includes vacation and help with salary based on age range.

Overall, for people below 40 years old, the quantity trend of employer support was similar to that of learners who was motivated by career, whereas over 40 years old workers had a similar trend to the students who study because of their interest on a particular subject.

For a more detailed look at the graph reveals that the gap between learners motivated by career and by interest was tremendously remarkable (70). However, it widened to the older group and even had the exactly same number in group 40-49 years old. As the tendency of career motivated students increased toward the bolder, those who were over 49 years old pursuing to study more because of their passion rather than for supporting their career.

Furthermore, the majority of employer support (64) was given to those who were under 26 years old while the slightest (34) was given to those who were in the range 30-39 years old. The worker who were categorized in the second (26-29 years old), fourth (40-49 years old), and fifth (over 49 years old) age group were supported with between 39-51 time off and help with fees.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1. MARRIAGES AND DIVORCE IN THE USA & ADULT AMERICANS' MARITAL STATUS [6]

The first bar graph provides information regarding the rates of marriage and divorce in USA from 1970 to 2000, while the second chart compares between the percentage of adult American based on their marital status in 1970 and that of in 2000.

Generally, the number of marriage tended to decrease over the three decades while divorce rate experienced fluctuation. Furthermore, married adults dominated the other three status of adult Americans and each gap of the composition was very narrow.

For a more detailed look at the graph reveals that the number of marriages in USA was 2.5 million in 1970, then remained stable until 1980. However, it started to decline to approximately 2.25 million in 1990, and continued to decrease until just 2 million in the following ten years. On the other hand, the rate of divorce was 1 million in the beginning pointed year. Ten years after that, this number increased to just below 1.5, more than a half of marriages number. Started from 1990, it decreased onward and halved exactly the marriages number in 2000, reached the same number in the former year (1970).

Both the percentage of married and widow adults were higher in the first pointed year. The difference between married adult in 1970 and that of in 2000 was 11% and between widowed adult in the same pointed year was just around 1 percent. In contrast, unmarried old people and divorced old inhabitants were increased in 2000. Both of them experienced 5% increase (never married category proportion grew from 15% to 20% and divorced group inclined from 2% to 7%).

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2. Where Talent Comes From [9]

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
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Possessing a particular talent either in music or sport is highly desired by many people. In my country, there is a controversial argument about how this ability owned by children. Some says that it is born while others think that it is formed purely through training. This essay aims to explain both these views.

It is commonly seen that children whose parents work as great singer will become a singer as well. For instance, Al, El, and Dul, sons of a famous Indonesian singer, Ahmad Dhani, achieve their great career in music easily. It seems that their ability in playing guitar, piano, drum, and the other musical instruments appears naturally without hard training and practice. Thus, some people believe that a skill is inherited and has been already existed since a baby is born.

However, the other people believe that everyone has the same chance to be expert on something, depend on how big their effort to struggle to learn. By registering their child in a badminton club, many parents are successful to bring their kid win a particular badminton competition, although when they were in school, they never reached such kind of achievement. It means that training plays big role in determining kind of talent that someone might own.

From explanation above, it seems that to judge either talent is born or is learned is quite complicated as both have the same strength of base reasons. However, to gain the best result, it is highly suggested to keep struggle with a particular skill that we want.

Writing Feedback / Concrete produce: cement, water, sand and gravel are poured to a concrete mixer [5]

The first diagram provides information regarding the process of producing cement while the second diagram illustrates the way to make concrete.

The material of cement is limestone and clay which passes 4 steps through 4 tools namely crusher, mixer, rotating heater, and grinder. The process is started from crushing limestone and clay to produce powder material. Then, that powder material is mixed using a particular mixer and brought to rotating heater in order to increase its temperature. The hot material is grinded to finally produce cement. The cement is packaged, eventually.

In order to produce concrete, cement, water, sand and gravel (a kind of small stones) are poured to a concrete mixer. A particular proportion of each material is needed in this case in order to result the good one. A half of the mix is gravel, a quarter of it is sand, cement itself is in 15 percent, and the rest of it is water.

Overall, in the step to produce concrete which is started from making cement, 5 materials and 5 tools are needed.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: How Dangerous Products are Dealt with in Three Countries [4]

The three pie charts provide information regarding how three countries overcome the danger of their waste products.

Clearly, the harm of waste products can be dealt with through five ways, they are recycling, incineration, keeping it underground, giving chemical treatment, or dumping it to the sea.

While the government of Republic of Korea recycles 69% of its rubbish and Sweden council does the same thing for a quarter of its, UK government does not at all. United Kingdom chooses to bury 82% of its waste products, 27% bigger than that of in Sweden, while only 22% of rubbish in Republic of Korea is solved by the same thing. The largest scale of burning rubbish is conducted in Sweden where 20% of its rubbish is solved by incineration, while Korean and British do the same way for 9% and 2% respectively for theirs.

Interestingly, while Korean and Swedish apply only 3 methods of reducing the danger of waste products, British uses 5 methods. It dumps 8 % of its rubbish at sea and the same amount is given chemical treatment.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1. Travel to / from UK from 1979 to 1999 [2]

The line chart provides information regarding the number of visitor to and from United Kingdom over two decades from 1979 to 1999 while the bar chart illustrates the country's popularity rated based on their UK visitors number.

The charts below give information about travel to and from the UK, and about the most popular
countries for UK residents to visit.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make
comparisons where relevant.
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Overall, the rate of overseas people who came to UK never dominated the visiting overseas number arranged by that country's inhabitants. Furthermore, in the last period pointed in the first chart, British' travelling destination spread to 5 countries mostly, and those have a different visitors proportion.

For a more detail look at the first graph reveals more than 10 million travelling abroad conducted by UK residents in 1979, then this number growth smoothly, only approximately by 3 million to the next 5 years. However, the number of international visitors who came to UK which initially stood at 10 million grew more steeply thus this trend led to the gap widening between this two features. Moreover, in around 1985, the number of British travelling to overseas underwent sharper increase while the international visitors who came to UK experienced just a slightly faster growth than their previous change number, caused the distance between them became more and more remarkable .

What is more, looking closely at the bar chart, in the end of the duration regarded in the first chart, France seems the most favorable country destination which chosen by more than 10 million UK visitors. Then, Spain stood at the second favorite visited by just under 10 million travelers from England. In addition, Turkey, Greece, and USA were also listed in the five most popular selected travelling destination countries, however not until 5 million visitors chose them.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1. Parcels delivered by Federal Express and TNT Mail Services [5]

The line graph highlights information about the changing number of parcels distributed by two service companies (Federal Express and TNT Mail Services) between 1920 and 2000.

Overall, those companies delivered between 5000 and 25000 parcels over the period. Clearly, while Fed Ex showed a great fluctuation in parcel number, TNT showed grown tendency during those years.

For a more detail look at the graph reveals that initially, TNT brought 5000 parcels while Federal Express delivered threefold packages. From 1920 to 1940, both companies experienced improvement parcels number, however Federal Express increased more extensively than TNT and peaked in the end of that particular period. Since that year, the gap between them were narrowing, even in 1960 the lines met each other when they both delivered approximately 12000. Then, the gap was widening again and met the furthest distance in 1980. Following this, parcels delivered by TNT inclined sharply while Fed Ex decrease extremely smooth thus they met again in 1990, those delivered around 17000 goods. After that year, TNT continued to grow, whereas Fed Ex tended to be stagnant.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS. X Disease Cases in Someland (1960-1995) [4]

The line graph illustrates the change number regarding the cases of X disease occurring over 35 years in Someland from 1960 to 1995.

As an overall trend, some periods over those years experienced stable at case numbers while other showed either increase or decrease.

A more detailed look at the graph shows X disease attacked 100 humans between 1960 and 1965, then this number doubled in the following five years. A worse situation happened during a half decade after the end of this particular period, in 1970, as X boomed by 300 cases. However, this number did not undergo a change until 1980.

Following this, fortunately, the condition was getting significantly better in the following period. In 1985, this illness case number declining to 350, indicated the situation was almost 30 percent better than before. A tremendously great fact happened between 1990 and 1995 when X eradicated totally in this city.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'Durdle Door and Dorset' - Erosion of a Headland [3]

The diagrams below show the stages in the erosion of a headland.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The diagram shows the changes appearance of headland as a result of erosion.

The changing formation of headlands started from the hole which is formed in its bottom part as the result of wave attack. This bottom part is quite fragile as its component is too weak to restrain the power of the wave. As the wave hits the headlands gradually, the hole which looks like cave gets bigger and bigger. A big cave then forms an arch. Durdle Door and Dorset are two kinds of this erosion process. A continued attack strung out the roof of the arch collapses then separate a small part of headland which is called stack. It is caused by the ability of the water reach this higher position at high tide. Time by time, that stack becomes shorter by removing its top gradually then forms a stump beside it.

The pictures clearly show the continual process of reforming headland appearance which is mainly caused by erosion.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS: Modern artist is a sort of high paid profession; 'preparation process' [6]

Some modern artist receive huge sums of money for the things they create, while other struggle to survive. Governments should take steps to resolve this unfair situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Artist is a sort of high paid profession. It is seemed an unfair situation as many other people must struggle to survive then not paid as much energy they spend. However, government does not seem to have to take responsibility in this case due to some reasons of the high amount of salary the artist got. The great effort of preparation and high amount of time used in this job will show this.

It is understandable that a high number of citizens are still on the poverty zone that they must struggle to fulfill their daily need. Generally, a secretary must handle hundred pages of file in everyday in order to be paid only approximately 5 million rupiahs. Furthermore, a portmanteau is only able to get no more than 50.000 per day after singing many songs in a very blazing weather on the road.

However, we must notice that the artist does not achieve her or his success instantly, meanwhile a very long and complex challenge had been subjected. A professional singer who is paid 10 million rupiahs after singing one song had experienced in struggling to master many kinds of singing techniques, stage performance, and other supported lessons for their career. This previous effort is extremely different to the carrier chronology of an unprofessional singer. So, I think the amount money they get is the pay of what they have battle for, then it is not a crucial thing which a council must involve to solve.

Furthermore, an actor or actress must spend more than 12 hours per day for movie shooting. The length of their work time is quite more challenging that what a secretary must do. Then, it will be very reasonable if they are paid 5 times higher than the amount of a secretary gets. Looking at this view, the government is clearly not required to change this situation.

In summary, the great challenge of preparation process and the length hour working of an artist must face make them reasonable to be paid much more expensively. Thus, the government does not need to create any program to balance their situation. After analyzing this subject, it is highly suggested that in order to be paid greatly, we must conduct a great effort as well.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1. University graduates, Canada, 1992-2007 [3]

Hello, I'm in preparation of IELTS. Pleas help me with this essay!! ^______^

The line chart regards to comparison rate of Canada university graduates in men and women from 1992 to 2007.

As an overall trend, it is clear that the graduate numbers inclined during one and half decades and the gap between the number of men and women grew extensively from year to year. Furthermore, woman always dominated the proportion of the graduation.

A more detailed, look at the graph reveals that the growth experienced fluctuation. The graduate numbers increased steeply between 1992 and 2001, and the ratio between male and female was flattened as well thus showing less marked difference. In 1992, only below 100,000 females and 70,000 males graduated from university and considered as the lowest number graduations over those 15 years. After 2001, however, those numbers saw an extremely stronger increase than those seen in the early 1990s then continued to reach their peak in 2007.

Clearly, the trends of both female and male graduations were similar, but females increase a bit more quickly.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS: International Graduations of Canadian Colleges; New Brunswick highest % [4]

The bar graph compares the number of international graduations of Canadian colleges from 2001 to 2006.

Graduate number of each province rose during the five years generally and the highest number in each the two mentioned years, 2001 and 2006, happened on New Brunswick. At almost 7 percent in 2001 and 11% in 2006, the international graduations of New Brunswick university was the highest among the other universities of those provinces in both years. On the other hand, Ontario graduated the lowest number of overseas learners in its college.

Looking more closely at the percentage change between the two years, this was clearly the most marked for British Columbia's international graduations. Overseas students who completed their study in New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, and British Columbia experienced between 20% and 60% lower in 2001 than in 2006, which means that the three greatest level of quantity improvement took place in these provinces. Meanwhile, Alberta experienced degradation number of its international graduations. In addition, the colleges in Manitoba and Newfoundland and Labrador awarded degree to the same number of their international students over that period.

Overall, those universities in 2006 produce more international graduations than their counterpart in 2001.

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