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Posts by Vns9x
Name: Shon Do
Joined: Sep 23, 2014
Last Post: Jul 5, 2015
Threads: 102
Posts: 236  
Likes: 16
From: Russia
School: Gymnaisym 123

Displayed posts: 338 / page 6 of 9
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Vns9x   
Jan 28, 2015
Writing Feedback / University degrees are very essential in job market and to pursue master education [3]

From the decades, the education is considered as important thing in the life . the education has been considered as an important thing the life
Without a proper qualification people will not get job
University degrees are very essential in the job market
This essay unfortunately contains lots of grammatical errors. I would you like to revise your grammar especially when it comes to the,a,an.
Good luck!
Vns9x   
Jan 28, 2015
Writing Feedback / Snitching people! They are inclined to move to another country especially to the rich one. [NEW]

More and more qualified people are moving from poor to rich countries to fill vacancies in specialist areas like engineering, computing and medicine.
Some people believe that by encouraging the movement of such people, rich countries are stealing from poor countries. Others feel that this is only part of the natural movement of workers around the world.

Do you agree or disagree?


These days, people inclined to move to another country especially to the rich one due to various factors. It can be because of the survivability since the majority of underprivileged countries cannot truly assess the knowledge that one possess and they tend to neglect or treat highbrows equal to lowbrows due to the financial issues. Therefore, I utterly support the second community which reckons this phenomena as a natural movement.

While knowledge has always been playing a key role on this planet, notwithstanding it does not apply for the poor countries since they have a penchant to worry about other things such as inflation, deficit, rather than about qualified individuals. Envision yourself, dwelling in underprivileged countries with high qualifications, blatantly your outstanding knowledge would not be noticed since they do not care of you that much as in wealthy countries, and thus you will not be able to absolutely shine when it comes to your domain. As a result, people from poor countries have a tendency to move abroad to display their knowledge.

Aside from showing off your knowledge, there is a huge number of qualified individuals, who cannot take care of their spouse and offspring as a corollary of living in a poor country because that type of country usually do not render bright people with some high-paid jobs. For instance, your family is quite poor and the country that you have been living in offers you some low-paid jobs or even ask you a favor but you have wondrous qualifications. Obviously, the only avenue for you to maintain your family survivability, is to seek for other places which can satisfy your demand.

So, the instinct of finding elsewhere to survive is our innate trait which we cannot get rid of and if the government intended to keep their qualified people for themselves, they should pay them more and create for them an opportunity to completely shine in their country. Indeed, I definitely consent with the second community which affirms that we move and find a job abroad instinctively.

Please advise me as austerely as you can !
Thanks for you attention!
Vns9x   
Jan 29, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS; 'our hectic schedule'; The need of music - Traditional Vs International [3]

You have some serious issues with punctuation, please revise the essay before submitting it. When it comes the content itself, it is congruous, no major problems right there, but grammar it is another story. For instance, .it have s it when heard soothen this sentence does not make any sense.

Due to sea change in today's technology music languages and notes had ve been changed.
Good luck with the upcoming essays!
Vns9x   
Jan 29, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS: in-home work and in-home study, a development positive or negative? [3]

Congratulations! your essay is quite informative it was eye-catching to read. Albeit, the prompt is not asking you for some examples, notwithstanding, by rendering some instances will be a huge plus for your essay. While, it is a wonderful thing that you exceeded the minimum word count, but i would still advise you to be as laconic as you can. It can be done by merging your last 2 paragraphs, they are quite identical, so to speak.

Keep up the good work!
Vns9x   
Jan 29, 2015
Writing Feedback / Group or on your own! Safety is a huge issue. [2]

Travelling in group with a tour guide is the best way to travel. Do you agree or disagree

Travelling has always been the thing that people tend to do when they have leisure time. While travelling alone has its own benefits such as privacy, freedom, notwithstanding those benefits do not worth to risk your life, and by travelling alone you will not be able obtain knowledge from other tourist which is a significant disadvantage since travelling is all about experiencing new things, new cultures. Therefore, I utterly support people who reckons that it would be better to travel with a group due to the aforementioned reasons.

Safety is a huge issue of travelling, especially if you travel to the underprivileged country. It has a penchant for having an abundance of robberies, since people who dwell there are usually starving and they have other choices but to rob someone for them and their family's survival. Envision yourself, being a poor individual and you are hungry, obviously if you notice some tourists with lots of cashes, then the likelihood of you snitching their cashes is quite high, of course, that behavior does not apply to every human being. As a result, travelling in a group is imperative to guard from thieves and other evil people.

Alongside the safety, travelling with enormous amount of people will help you gain more knowledge since you will encounter numerous personalities as well as perspectives. Side by side with additional knowledge, your comrades will be rendering you a vibrant atmosphere that you cannot be gotten, if you travel alone because people will commence to banter with each other and those memories can be unforgettable. For instance, assume yourself that you are travelling with many people, and this you will have somebody to interact, confess, tease which are quite pivotal since we are human after all.

Consequently, travelling with other individual can secure your safety and it also provides you with knowledge and a buoyant environment. Indeed, I definitely consent with the community which states that traveling with a group is the best option.
Vns9x   
Jan 29, 2015
Writing Feedback / Coca Cola's sales numbers - Task 1 IELTs (pie) [2]

The pie chart illustrates the cosmopolitan distribution of Coca Cola's sales in the year of 2000 and the graph shows Coca Cola's share price in dollars from 1996 to 2001.

According to the pie chart of 2000, the total Coca Cola's sales number is 17.1 billion dollars. The product was the most desirable in North America since it occupies 30.4 percent of the pie chart. The following continents are Latin America and Europe which purchases 25,7 percent and 20,5 percent out of the Coca Cola's total revenue respectively. The last 2 continents are the modest consumers, Africa and Middle East, both have comparatively low percentage, specifically, 16,4 and 7,0.

There is a huge fluctuation when it comes Coca Cola's share price from 1996 to 2001. At the beginning, which is 1996, the share price was roughly 35 dollars. After that from 1996 to 1997, the price drastically increased to almost 70 dollars. Notwithstanding, the share price could not stabilize to mid-1997, it dropped to 60 dollars and then all of a sudden the price immensely rose from the mid-1997 to 1998 to approximately 85 dollars. From that point to 2001, the share price kept declining until 2000 , however it rose insignificantly from 2000 to mid-2000 compared to its best share price which is 85 dollars.

Any comments are welcome!




Vns9x   
Jan 30, 2015
Essays / Topic for Oral Exam for B2 - Study abroad and why i choose a summer course [6]

According to your question, i think you want us to give you some reasons behind the choice of yours which is Economy. You can say that it will help you foresee more accurately some phenomena of economy such as currency e.t.c or you can improvise the topic by talking about your dream of being a businessman in the near future.
Vns9x   
Jan 30, 2015
Writing Feedback / Drug is the thing that has always been prohibited in this world - Drugs and teenagers essay [NEW]

People in all modern societies use drugs, but today's youth are expertimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an increasingly early age. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of society often set a bad example.

Discuss the causes and some effects of widespread drug use by young people in modern day society. Make any recommendations you feel are necessary to help fight youth drug abuse


It has always been a polemical topic when it comes to drug abuse of young people. There are many reasons of why more and more people teenagers commence to utilize drugs, but the main 2 reasons are experiencing new things and parental control. This essay will discuss both reasons in great details, and at the end, it will be provided with panacea.

Youth time is the wonderful time that can never forget and it is the that we can reminisce for days. That is the point, when we yearn to experience every single new thing that exists around us. Drug is the thing that has always been prohibited in this world and from time to time we as human beings never want to be restricted especially when we are young and wild. Our modern society is also sometime encourage us to be polarizing and carefree, and thus , many people fall for the trap of drug abuse. As a corollary, the junkies in this have been increasing for many years.

Aside from aforementioned reasons, our society is getting more and more tied up these days. It requires people to continuously work without looking back and it can make a significant impact on youngsters sine their parents will not be able to meticulously look after them any longer due to this contemporary society. Therefore, lack of parental control also contributes to the increasing number of drug addict.

Unfortunately, there is no permanent cure for this issue, rather than rendering unto more lessons about drug abuse in school and other places to at least permeate teenager's mindset in a positive way.

Consequently, the only way for us to vanquish the drug abuse revolution is to provide more lectures and lessons to tune our young generation's mindset and hold our breath and just hope for the best outcome.
Vns9x   
Jan 30, 2015
Writing Feedback / Parents claim that although advertisement provides information, children are misled by these adverts [3]

o conclude after discussing both the views , I feel that parents argument has got strong points and are practical in life. Advertisements attract the children and gives the wrong direction i would use impressions here in purchasing the things, which are necessary to them

But adults are another story...They innocently believe what they see you could have used the word ..ingenuous;; here
and attempt to find substitutes for good and bad.
Vns9x   
Jan 30, 2015
Writing Feedback / The data suggest that, as time goes by, more individuals prefer games software and DVDs over CDs. [4]

The chart illustrates the global sales of games software, DVD, CDs. Overall, we can see some substantial vicissitudes for DVD and games software since the total revenue obviously were erecting during in those entire 3 years of record, but not in CDs.

By looking at the graph, we can see that from 2000 to 2001 the games software increased its sales for approximately 2 billion dollars and the DVD for roughly 3 billion dollars, in sharp contrast to these 2 utilities, the CDS decreased its price for 1 billion dollars. Those numbers did not stop altering after 2 years, the total revenue of games software kept growing to 19 billion dollars and its partner DVD to more than 31 billion dollars, in the meantime, the CDs reluctantly dropped to 32 billion in 2003.

The data suggest that, as time goes by, more and more individuals prefer games software and DVDs over CDs.

I find it difficult to protract my essay when it comes to Writing task 1. Any advice would be appreciated!




Vns9x   
Jan 31, 2015
Writing Feedback / While there are benefits of studying, there are good reasons why doing a job is worth a try. [3]

It is argue that keep pursuing higher education leads to a successful career than directly go straight to work after graduated.
Is has always been consented that chasing after the higher education leads towards a more successful career than immediately work after our graduation. While the are numerous pros to obtain high qualifications, notwithstanding working after graduation has its own significant benefits.

I have rewritten for you the introduction! Overall, your main weakness is expressing yourself in English. This can be solved by allotting an ample time to reading magazines, essays, articles!

Hope that was helpful for you!
Vns9x   
Jan 31, 2015
Writing Feedback / I would argue that globalization influences people to learn foreign language, English especially [5]

Although this can help people to communicate with foreigners, traditional language is abandoned.

Based on that data, many parents are more concerned with foreign languages than traditional languages. If this kind of case continues , it will make the traditional languages extinct.

As a result, people in the future may not know about their traditional languages, and it will become a big this type of word must be eliminated, try to come up with something else that is more academic problem for a country as conventional languages are a country cultures.
Vns9x   
Jan 31, 2015
Writing Feedback / The only remedy for this problem, is to set up a more powerful law. Smoking and its aftermaths! [3]

Despite health warnings, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world.
Why should we be concerned about this?
What solutions would you suggest?


Smoking has always been a polemical topic, and no matter how much money our government allot to this smoking issue, people still keep smoking spontaneously. This occurrence can engender a nightmare for our young generation and it will jeopardize our society.

At the early stage of our life, we usually imitate our parents actions since they the only people around us who spend lots of time with us. This process is called imprinting. While, it is a wonderful thing to have because we might be able to obtain some positive habits from our parents, notwithstanding it can also work in a negative way. Envision yourself, being a credulous and ingenuous child, obviously you will copy your parents' behavior, but it might turn out that your parents are smokers. As a result, smoking should be utterly prohibited by all means.

Aside from influencing horribly on our offspring, smoking could be noxious and irritating for many individuals, including myself. This activity usually disturbs as from working properly, and causes many accidents such as burning house, cars and other means. For instance, assume that you are a painstaking worker who yearns to have a content environment, but unexpectedly, there is a folk who passes you by with a cigarette in his mouth, clearly you will be hampered from working. This can lead towards the poor outcome of work, which can be really frustrating. Therefore, the government must truly muse and weigh about this problem, otherwise they might face the repercussions.

In conclusion, this smoking phenomena must be taken seriously by the government or it will cause an abundance of troublesome issues. I reckon that, the only remedy for this problem, is to set up a more powerful law which will robustly punish those individuals who keep smoking without worrying about the consequences.

Any advice is welcome!
Vns9x   
Jan 31, 2015
Writing Feedback / Foreign language should be mastered by children since the earliest level of their education. [4]

Result shows that semilingualism is one of the biggest problem for young people because they learn one language which is not fully mastered
should be notice d
to be master a lot of foreign language. this sentence is somehow perplexing. The last sentence of your introduction contradicts the second paragraph.
Attempt to take it with a grain of salt!
English is not my mother tongue .
Vns9x   
Jan 31, 2015
Writing Feedback / British who are from 65 and older between 1985 and 2035 - IELTS task 1 [3]

The graph chart illustrates the percentage of British who are from 65 and older between 1985 and 2035, measured in percentage.

The graph shows that in 1985, that both in UK and England, the percentage of population with age 65 and higher were equal to 15% respectively. In parallel, Scotland and Northern Ireland were considered to be the lowest with their percentage of 14% and 12%. The most salient in the graph, Wales managed to reach 16%.

According to the graph chart there will be a significant vicissitude when it comes to the percentage of all territory in 2035, it betokens that England and UK's percentage will be increased by approximately 8 % each. In the meantime, Scotland will increase it percentage for 11 %, while this value will be 2,5 % larger than the future Northern Ireland one's. Wales as usual will be leading with its remarkable 26%.

The data suggests that, as time goes by, British people are becoming more salubrious and that phenomena will prolong their life span.




Vns9x   
Feb 1, 2015
Writing Feedback / Latin or Greek - should we teach dead languages? [2]

Something is missing in your prompt such as asking for your opinion and examples, but anyways here are some advice for you!
Attempt to render unto some more examples in your essay, those are quite pivotal when it comes to the mark of you essay.
The transition between your introduction and you first body paragraph is bizarre!
Vns9x   
Feb 1, 2015
Writing Feedback / The map illustrates 2 possible spots for building a new school. IELTs task 1 [4]

The map below is of the town of Canterbury. A new school (S) is planned for the area. The map shows two possible sites for the school.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The map illustrates 2 possible spots for building a new school. Overall, the S2 will benefit those who dwell in the town center, in sharp contrast to this, S1 is the ideal spot for rural population.

The first site situates on the north-east countryside which means far away from the hometown center. It is quite close to the main road that goes to Sturry. As a result, people live somewhere around Sturry should be benefited if the school decided to build a school at that spot. Aside from that benefit, S1 is much closer to the university than S2 do, and thus this can espouse you to keep in touch with your sibling as you guys grow up.

The second site is definitely made for urban people since it locates in the hometown center. It is more than seven kilometers from Chartman, while this value is approximately two kilometers shorter than its partner Sturry. The spot can be lucrative for any people since it exists almost in the middle of two roads but due to no traffic zone it would be arduous for many people to bring their kids to that spot, especially by their private vehicles. Its distance to the university is quite substantial, so the likelihood of you encountering your acquaintances will be quite low.

I am a novice when it comes to this type of writing, and thus any advice would be appreciated!




Vns9x   
Feb 1, 2015
Student Talk / UK universities- Are Overseas candidates interviewed by universities? [4]

Well there is an abundance of questions that they might pose you, but there are 3 common questions that you will most likely to be asked.

Usually, they will attempt to know about your previous qualification and the reason why you chose their university to study, maybe even your future plan after graduating from their university!
Vns9x   
Feb 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS-Writing task 2: Celebrity show engages viewers [4]

Your writing style is quite unique! The only part that i reckon you have to to rewrite is the last one. Attempt to list your ideas without relying on filler words such as firstly secondly thirdly...

And more thing, it is congruous to write 6 paragraphs ,i.e., you should have decoupled the conclusion and your opinion
Hopefully, it was lucrative for you at some extent!
Vns9x   
Feb 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / The development of the Internet consists of many positive impacts. [3]

I personally believe that the benefits of this technology are far outweigh its drawbacks. Anyways, there are some of your weaknesses that i would like to point out!

it is quite simple to improvise the example for your first body paragraph, and thus you should have created it to consolidate your essay.
The way you deliver your ideas are almost identical. Next time, attempt to show the rater the wider range of grammars such conditionals, perfect, continuous e.t.c!

Good luck with your upcoming essays!!
Vns9x   
Feb 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / 'we have a penchant for copying their habits' - Parents are the best teachers! [3]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Parents have always been the most people on this planet for us. They are the individuals who look after our behavior and espouse us in dilemma. Notwithstanding, they cannot be considered as our best teachers owing to the fact that we cannot be kids forever and teaching is not utterly their duty.

At the early stage of our life, we tend to imitate our parents' behavior because most of the time, they are the only people who squander their time with us, and thus, we have a penchant for copying their habits. Therefore, that is the point, when our parents can influence or teach us. After that infant period, we as human beings have a broader opportunity to enter to the true world. That world contains lots of horror and happiness since many folk live there. Our parents cannot side by side carry us all the time and from that point, life is going to teach us in lieu of our parents. As a result, it is erroneous to assert that our parents are the most powerful when it comes to teaching.

Aside from the truth of life, parents usually do not possess any outstanding qualification of teaching. They would never be able to surrogate teachers with their knowledge, and thus, their teaching method can be inefficient from time to time. Envision yourself the typical family, parents usually do not trust their capability of teaching since they are not specialized in teaching and so they send their offspring to school. It might feasible for parents to teach their kids by narrating some experiences of their past, notwithstanding there is an abundance of other things such as Math, English, chemistry, that can only be taught by teachers. Therefore, the argument that asserts no one can teach better than parents is flawed.

Hence, while parents do play a key role in child's life, especially when the child is ingenuous and young, but most of the child's life inclined to have their time outside the cage, and after all, parents cannot absolutely replace teachers due to the aforementioned reason. Indeed. I completely oppose the statement, which affirms that parents are the people who are the most adept at teaching.
Vns9x   
Feb 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / Does modern technology make us freer or busier? It is a phenomenon that people bring work home. [2]

To conclude, even though technologies can squander your time in aforementioned ways, notwithstanding they make a significant impact on our society in a positive way which can effortlessly exterminate its disadvantages.

This is my version for your conclusion.Hopefully, it espoused you at some extent.
Overall, it is definitely a well-written essay, keep up the good work!
Vns9x   
Feb 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / Learning foreign language from the earliest grades - Javanese example [3]

You should have provided a proper prompt, otherwise it will be complicated for us to mark your essay!

On the positive side, it is a good decision for children to study a foreign language from the earliest grades. ?? do not write this way, try to finalize your sentence properly...)Because, it is the easiest time
Vns9x   
Feb 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / Freedom of speech tends to have tremendous detrimental effects on a mammoth number of people [2]

Is freedom of speech necessary in a free society?


Give reasons for your answer.


Freedom of speech has always been reckoned to be congruous by many people. While this type of speech can be lucrative in some scenarios such as proposing a woman or permeate people's mindset, notwithstanding, this speech might torture other's feeling which is quite unnecessary and it would be arduous for to create a pleasant society with such honesty.

Many people these days tend to overlook people's feelings, because they do not want to be restricted or limited when it comes to expressing your feeling. This can pain numerous people especially for those who are weak at receiving critics from others. Some of the aforementioned individuals even attempted to commit suicide or worse. Envision yourself a society, which permits people to discuss whatsoever come up to their mind, obviously those who are emotional or sensible will have to suffer severely from opinions of various types of people. As a result, honesty and sincere from time to time can be quite noxious for our society.

Aside from hurting somebody's feeling, the freedom of speech can actually spoil our young generation in many ways such as utilizing inappropriate words all the time. Our young generation is our offspring who should be educated properly and hearing dozens of uneducated speech can really ruin their mentality, which is not what we are struggling for. Therefore, the freedom of speech can seriously horribly influence our child because one is not prepared for it yet.

Consequently, the freedom of speech should be prohibited at some extent since it tends to have tremendous detrimental effects on a mammoth number of people, including our lovely kids, and it should be all about satisfaction when it comes to dwelling in our society.

Please look for my weaknesses meticulously!
Vns9x   
Feb 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / Tourists in England who visited four different attractions in Brighton - IElTS [4]

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph illustrates the quantity measured in percentage of tourists who chose four attractions to visit which are Art Gallery, Pavilion, Pier, Festival. Overall, the graph betokens that Pavilion is the most visited tourist attraction.

When it comes Pier, from the period from 1980 to 2000, it remains almost constant at 10 percentage with slight fluctuation up and down, but after that to 2010, it remarkably went upward to more than 20%.

The Art Gallery has almost the opposite story, in 1980, it started off at approximately 20* and it erected to roughly 38% in 1985. Unfortunately, after that, it fell down to almost 9% in 2010, with slight increase in 1995.

Festival has the most stable curve in the graph, it almost stays at approximately 28% for the whole 30 years, with a slight decrease from 1985 to 2000.

Pavilion, it began at 23% in 1980. There was a significant increase in percentage after that, in 1995, it managed to reach almost 50 %, but it could not maintain its for long. The period from 1995 to 2010. Pavilion continuously reduce its percentage to roughly 30% in 2010.




Vns9x   
Feb 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / Tourists in England who visited four different attractions in Brighton - IElTS [4]

The line graph illustrates four tourists attractions, which are Pavilion, Pier, Festival, Art Gallery and its quantity of visitor, measured in percentage. Overall, eventually, three out of four tourist attractions will be side by side when it comes to percentage and the last one will be declining.

From 1980 to 1985, there were a huge increase for three tourists attractions such as Art Gallery for almost 20 percent, Pavilion for two percent, Pier for five percent. Whilst, Festival dropped to approximately 27 percent from 30 percent in the 1980. In 1990 , Pavilion kept sharply erecting until 1995, at that point, its percentage was 48 percent. In the meantime, two of its partners, which are Art Gallery and Pier continuously decreased its percentage to 20 percent and 10 percent in 1990, with a slight increase for both tourists attraction from 1990 to 1995. Festival is another story, somehow it is managed to remain constant throughout 30 years( i.e. 1980-2010). After 1995, both Pavilion and Art Gallery started to decline to 31 percent and nine percent in 2010. Pier at that time, remarkably preferred by many individuals and it reached to 21 percent.
Vns9x   
Feb 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / Art is a product of human expression and for this case government should promote it [3]

Art is a product of human expression and for this case government should give the amount of finance to promote and cultural activities because these activities are countries symbol so as to prominent this is an adjective you cannot utilize it before to for them to preserve properly these activities. To exemplify, traditional dance such as "Reog Ponorogo" in Indonesia is the famous traditional activity in Indonesia. By this truly fact, all countries around the world recognize well that this country is original from Indonesia. Automatically, this is a significant symbol which is owned by Indonesia. Consequently, the development of culture and artistic is in government's hand.

In the meantime, whilst attempt to rely on them next time rather than on one words which is ,,while;;
Vns9x   
Feb 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / Books have always been read by many individuals since they can provide you with abundant knowledge [3]

It has been said, "Not everything that is learned is contained in books." Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books.

In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?


Books have always been read by many individuals since they can provide you with abundant knowledge that might be lucrative for your life, notwithstanding, books will never be able to surrogate experiences since the sensation is completely different and reading books is identical to reading somebody else experiences. Therefore, I have a robust belief that experiencing is much more beneficial for any human being.

When we read a book, we usually attempt contemplate the story of the book. We cannot truly understand the pain or the happiness of the author since books cannot create the feeling for you, but when it comes to experiencing, it can permit you to both gain knowledge as well as understand the feeling more thoroughly. Envision yourself, reading a book about a war, obviously it is almost impossible to conceive of how much pain did people back then have to suffer from. As a result, reading books is no way near experiencing.

Aside from the feeling that you cannot receive through reading, books usually narrate the story of the author of the book. It can be completely futile for your life, because our life story if often unique and different from each other. Experiencing is another story since it will be handing you in with realistic scenarios, and apparently, it will benefit you in many ways that cannot be obtained by reading some books. Assume that you are currently reading is about a homeless child, while it might be fruitful for you to be more knowledgeable about the world, however that story will not be most likely to be happened to you. Thus, books can be utterly pointless for you as a reader at some extent.

Consequently, experiencing is far more superior than reading books because they do not render you unto real scenes of our life ,and sometimes, they can be useless for you check them out due to the story of the book. Indeed, nothing can more pivotal and replace experiences, especially when it comes to books.

Please point out my mistakes austerely !
Vns9x   
Feb 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / When possible, parents should sometimes have a trip to natural park on holiday with their children. [4]

In conclusion, it is evident that although children prefer to spend time indoors playing games or browsing on the Internet, visiting the natural world is also essential so as to understand the environment in depth. Where possible, parents sometimes should have a trip to the natural park on holiday with their children.

but anyways, you are not being asked for your opinion, be more vigilant next time!
Vns9x   
Feb 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / The line graph provides a breakdown information in terms of quadrillion units of energies [2]

The line graph provides a breakdown information in terms of quadrillion units of energies which are petrol and oil, nuclear, natural gas, solar/wind, hydropower from 1980 to 2030 over a-40 year period. Overall, almost every single type of energy will be having an upward trend, except for hydropower.

The q of petrol and oil peaked at 35 as the highest q compared to other type of energy in 1980, while the q and nuclear, solar were the lowest ones. In the middle of the aforementioned energy, coal and natural gas both started off at approximately 17,5 q. As time went to 2030, the petrol and oil kept increasing to 50 q with a slight decrease between 1980 to 1990 and from 1990 to 1995, in the meantime, coal and natural gas simultaneously erect to both 27 q and 20 q, even though there were some fluctuation up and down from 1990 to 2015. The rest three types of energy have another story, nuclear and solar/wind, hydropower had some insignificant changes at some extent from 1995 to roughly 2003, but they will manage to almost remain constant to 2030. The final result for three types of energy are closely at 5 q.





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