Writing Feedback / The equality of gender does not obtain a great achievement in many societies [3]

The position of omen has changed. A great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender quality.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Women's position has altered over the five decades in many communities in the world. However, there is a view that the society is not allowed to state that they achieve gender equality. I extremely believe that the equality of gender does not obtain a great achievement in many societies in the world because the participation of women in several fields still limited.

The gender equality have been achieved in this modern era is a great result for the sake of humanities. Recently, we can meet women which are including in many fields in community over the world. For example, in many countries, women have the same right as men in legislation to be a legislative. As the result, politics in the world lead to become more friendly for women, who be able to participate in legislation. Therefore, it is a great achievement for gender equality in the modern world.

In contrast, although the position of women has transformed, the participation of women in several fields still limited. The dominating of men in several fields is bigger. In Indonesia, women is allowed to be a legislative, but the quota is limited, merely 30%. In addition, in the Middle East countries, women still taboo to do men activities. In Saudi Arabia, women are prohibited to drive her own car in their roads.

The aforementioned evidences reveal that the equality of gender does not acquire a great achievement. Women in the world still have limited access for doing activities in several fields. Nevertheless, the dominating of men has big impact for women position.

Writing Feedback / A proportion of perceived and real possibility of being a victim of crime based on category of crime [NEW]

The bar chart describes a proportion of perceived and real possibility of being a victim of crime based on category of crime. The value is measured in percentage. Overall, it is noticeable that the proportion of perceived of being a victim of crime is higher than the actual probability, and the highest is stand out in 2009/10 at car time.

To begin, the percentage of perceived of being a victim of crime by burglary 2009/10, car crime 2009/10, car crime 2010/11 and violent crime are more than 15%. The highest proportion is reach at around 21% in car crime 2009/10. The gap between the highest and the second highest of perceived of being a victim of crime is about 4%.

Go to the next detailed information, all of the percentages of real chance of being a victim of crime according to crime categories are low, below 5%. The lowest one is the actual in 2009/20 at burglary crime at roughly 2.5%. The others proportion of actual chance of being a victim of crime only have a small gap. The proportion of real possibility in car crime almost has the same value in 2009/10 and 2010/11 at about 4%. In addition, the proportions of actual possibilities of being victim of violent crime also have similar proportion at 3% in 2009/10 and 2010/11.

• 
  IMG20160208WA0002..jpg
  

Writing Feedback / The most common merits and demerits of Fairmont Island [2]

The most common merits and demerits of Fairmont Island based on survey of guests are showed by the pie charts. The value is measured in percentage. Overall it is immediately apparent that the most mutual benefits and drawbacks of Fairmont Island are two-fifths and more than two fifths respectively.

Turning first to the most common merits of Fairmont Island based on evaluated of visitors is suitable lodging, representing at two-fifths of all aspects. Following this, at around more than a third, the landscape is the second most common benefits that evaluated by guests. Afterwards, the culture and the inhabitants are at more than one in ten in the most common advantages of Fairmont Island.

In contrast, at more than two-fifths, the most mutual demerits of Fairmont Island according to a survey of guests is a high living expense. The second most common drawbacks of Fairmont Island based on survey is the entertainment at less than a third. The weather is the third most common disadvantages, representing at a fifth. The last one is the cuisine quality, which is at one in twenty.

• 
  IMG20160202WA0009..jpg
  

Writing Feedback / Pupils should pay more attention to their lectures in the class [3]

These days internet based courses have become a popular alternative to university based courses. Some students prefer this type of learning because they do not need to attend lectures. Others argue that it is important to study at university. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some pupils choose the internet based courses type to their study at university, whereas other pupils think that attending lectures is more important type of study at university. I believe that that there are no justifications for this. This essay will discuss both points of view.

With regard to the course type study at university, some students who choosing learn at university by advance technology courses type take an opportunity to join e-learning study method. In this chance, they can learn their courses wherever and whenever. For example, Edinburgh University provides this study method for its master student to finish their study. As a result, they still achieve comprehensive understanding and an honourable title but need more time. Therefore, it is acceptable for them to join this study method in their class.

However, I do not believe this argument stand up to scrutiny. The attendance of lecture and students in the class is necessary. Firstly, technology, such e-learning, cannot substitute for a real process at learning in the class. Lecturer as a real teacher in this learning process is the essential person who can encourage their pupils in the learning process. In addition, learners need structured courses that only provide if their present the lecture. An experienced teacher knows what materials to choose and creates structured programs for his or her learners in the class.

In brief, although some pupils more comfortable if they study at university with the internet based courses type, I would argue there is sufficient evidence that attend lectures will give brighter explanation in learning process for their study at university. Therefore, pupils should pay more attention to their lectures in the class.

Writing Feedback / The Percentage of Varies Residents in Australia who Visit Some Places [2]

The bar chart describes a percentage of varies citizen in Australia who came to some places. There is a value measured in proportion. Overall, the main fact that stands out, a percentage of various citizens in Australia who came to cinema is the highest proportion in each category.

Turning first, there are similar pattern of percentage of different residents in Australia who came to zoo and theatre. The highest proportion is new migrants who born in English-language states visit the zoo and theatre at 50% and around 25% respectively. The middle proportion is citizens who born in Australia come to zoo at around 42% and theatre at 20%. The lowest percentage is original migrants who born in other countries drop in to zoo at around 34% and theatre at 10%.

In contrast, at first glance, there are inverse pattern of proportion of various inhabitants in Australia who visit to library and cinema. The highest percentage of various residents in Australia who come to library is a new migrants who born in other states at around 54% and the lowest is residents who born in Australia at around 38%. On the other hand, the highest percentage of various people in Australia who visit cinema is inhabitant who born in Australia at 70% and the lowest is original migrants who born in other states at 50%.

• 
  IMG20160129WA0004..jpg
  

Writing Feedback / Harshness on Television Delivers Some detrimental Impacts for Children [2]

These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television and this is having a negative impact on children's behaviour. Do you agree or disagree?

There is inclining level of harshness that has been seen on television. There is a view that it obtains some dire effects on children's actions. I extremely agree that harshness on television delivers some detrimental impacts for children, especially on their action.

With regard to the increasing number of violence on digital technology particularly on the television, I extremely believe that this is impact to children negatively. In fact, children do not able yet to define what they saw on the television was violence. For example, there are several cases on crime by children around the world which happened due to their curiosity, than they imitated the act and omitted the violence which they saw on the television to their friends. As a result, they spent their childhood time with sorrow. Therefore, it is really not acceptable impact for children.

In addition, children will see the harshness on television as a suitable or agreeable act. It happens because they were exposed by harshness frequently. They saw the harshness in many programs including in their cartoon line. Children's paradigms of violence are bias and they do not recognize it as a negative act. In conclude, the guidance of children's is crucial in this technological era to help them comprehend what actually they see.

To sum up, it is evident that harshness on television programs obtains some demerit effects on children's behaviour. It acquire children completely imitate the action that they saw if there are no sensor regulation of television programs and guidance from their parents.

Writing Feedback / Becoming familiar with a foreign language at primary school gives more advantages for children [3]

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, as children are part of globalization, they are obligated to understand and speak second language besides their mother tongue. That is why some specialists think that starting to study foreign language at elementary school is much better than commencing to learn at junior high school. However other argue that it is bad decision since it has demerit effect. In my opinion, the potential of its benefit are greater than detrimental points.

Learning foreign language for children in primary school will distract their concentration in understanding basic knowledge such as mathematics, science, and particularly their mother language. In addition, they are not ready yet to learn other language because they do not have widely sufficient information about fundamental knowledge of their mother tongue. For example, children studying foreign language will be confused how to manage themselves to learn such different lessons which is basically difficult and requires a plenty of time also practice at the same time. These probably lead them to series problems and make them eventually bored or ignored.

In contrast, based on recent research, learning foreign language at elementary school is the best time in spite of secondary school. In fact, pupils at elementary school have passed their stage at language acquisition of mother language when they reach golden age, from 1 to 5 years old. In addition, research reveals that children's brain in the age of elementary school is ready to develop and accept new language marked by more clear at their pronunciation. The reason is that their basic knowledge of their first language will help them to comprehend the new form of language. Studying foreign language also acquires students at elementary school to recognize other cultures and create them more tolerant.

To conclude, despite the fact that there is detrimental effect for the children at elementary school, I believe that it has abundant merits that help them survive when challenge globalization in the future. Furthermore it needs great system of education to manage and elaborate it to become more appropriate for children at elementary school.

Writing Feedback / The obligation of official training for children, to become proper parents, is not working. [3]

Question:
Some people believe that children should have formal training at school to become good parents. Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion.

Children nowadays should learn many things in order to improve their skill in the future. There is a view by some persons that children must receive official education at their school curriculum to be proper parents. Although some people argue that official education can help the children's future, I extremely believe that this is not the best solution because of inappropriateness.

Official training for being good parents in children's school curriculum is not suitable, which is inappropriate at their age. It is of disturbing effect for children growth, which is too far away from their age. In fact, they entrance the stage of children growth development which is exploring many things in their age by playing with other children, wherever and whenever. As result, children's school program for become good parents will force them to continue the next stage of growth by jumping too far and they will confuse with their role as a child. Therefore, force children, who are still underage, to achieve official education for being good parents is not workable.

However, there are enjoyable ways to give children time to comprehend their role in present and future from parents, not only from school. Firstly, parents can ask children to join in role play games. It will gain children to explore more things about how they become parents and what should they do and do not. Additionally, parents also should being best role model for them because in the future, they will remember what their parents did when educated and raised them. Finally, parents need to talk heart to heart with their children about their part in the family. It grants a room for children to understand what and how they will be in the future.

In brief, it is evident that obligation of official training for children, in school curriculum, to become proper parents is not workable. There are alternative ways by their parents to acquire them to obtain better children's future as parents which more enjoyable and suitable for their growth development.

Writing Feedback / Children's sense of rivalry should be stimulated [NEW]

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give own opinion.

There is a view that children's sense of rivalry should be stimulated. However others against that view and tell that they will be more helpful mature person if they learn about collaboration. I believe that there are no justifications for this.

The stimulation of rivalry on children nowadays creates them become egoistic person as adults, which is absolutely bad behaviour for them. This is because children are taught about the rivalry will look down at others, something which is completely dangerous of developing children's characters. For example, children always want to win or being the best in every chance without help the others, what they know is merely how to be a winner. As a result, children will do anything, right or wrong way, to legitimate that they can be a champion. Therefore, there is no doubt that this have a demerit in children's growth development and parents should notice about that.

On the other hand, children who taught about team work will form them as helpful adults. Firstly, children will notice their existence as a part of group of community in life. It will improve their skill to manage the society. In addition, children will improve their communication ability in community. It presents a stage for children to give opinion, persuade other member, and listen each other. Children have also learn how to train their personality in the organization because they will meet many character of person and they will learn the way how to fit in in the society with respect each other.

To sum up, there is a dire effect if children are merely taught about rivalry. Consequently, teaching children about collaboration is more crucial. It creates them become better adults in the future. Therefore, this should be a concern of parent nowadays in their children growth development.

Writing Feedback / Task 1 The Amount of Money Spent on Books in Four Countries in Europe [3]

The line graph compares the amount of spending money on books in Germany, France, Italy and Austria from 1995 to 2005. The value was measured in millions $. Overall, it is important to note that, over a-10 year period, there were gradual rises in all the countries in amount of money spent on books, but Germany leads them over the period.

To begin, the amount of money spent on books in Germany and France stood at 80 and around 70 respectively. There was higher than two others. German experienced a gradual fall and sharp rise during period. Afterwards, the amount of spending money on books in France was a steady rise over following ten years.

Moving to a more detailed analysis, the amount of spending money on books in Italy stood at 50 and Austria stood at 30 in 1995, which was lower than two others. There was a fluctuation and followed by a steady increase in the amount of spending money on books in Italy. Then, Austria experienced a gradual increase and a sharp increase in the amount of spending money on books at around 62 in the end of period.

• 
  money_spent.jpg
  

Writing Feedback / The number of books read by the Burnaby Public Library members between 2011 and 2014 - IELTS 1 [5]

The line graph illustrated the rate of books read by men and women in Burnaby Public Library between 2011 and 2014. There was a value measured in percentage in the number of books. The most obvious pieces of information are that, there was an accurately the same point by both in the rate of books read by men and women in 2013.

To begin, the level of books read by women stood at around 5,000 books in 2011, which is higher than the level of books read by men that stood at around 3,000 books. However, in the end of this period, the figure of books read by men more than the number of women, 14,000 and 8,000 respectively in 2014.

2011 to 2012 witnessed a gradual rise in the figure of books read by men and which was followed by significant increase between 2012 and 2014. In contrast, the level of books read by women was a steady rise from 2011 to 2013 and which was followed by a sharp fall in the end of this period.

• 
  burnaby.jpg
  

Writing Feedback / Task 1 Precentage of Tourist to England who Visited Brighton Attractions [2]

A proportion of visitors to England who visited for Brighton attractions from 1980 to 2010 is compared by the line graph and measured in percentage. The main facts that stand out are that, in spite of some fluctuations, the proportion of tourists to England who visited four Brighton attractions hit a peak in 1995 that visited the Pavilion.

To begin, in 1980 the proportion of visitors to Pavilion stood at around 23%, which were followed by steady increase and sudden drop over five years. However, there was a gradual drop in the end of period at around 32% which was the highest over attractions. Subsequently, the percentage of tourists to Art Gallery just around 22% and followed by dramatic increase and sudden drop in 1990 at around 19%. In the end of period, it fell dramatically in 2010 at around 8% which was the lowest over attractions.

On the other hand, the proportion of visitors to Festival stood at 30% that the highest over all the attractions. Over a-30 year, there was a small fluctuation and finally over at around 28%. Following that, the proportion of visitors to Pier stood at 10% in 1980 that the lowest over all attractions. There were some fluctuations in the proportion of visitors to Pier from 1980 to 2010.

• 
  tourist_to_england.j.jpg