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Posts by Ashkan123
Name: Ashkan
Joined: Jul 24, 2016
Last Post: Oct 25, 2018
Threads: 12
Posts: 33  
Likes: 2
From: United States of America
School: western michigan

Displayed posts: 45 / page 1 of 2
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Ashkan123   
Oct 25, 2018
Graduate / Knowledge is power. SOP For polymer science school [3]

My Statement of Purpose



From my earliest memory, I have been fascinated by science and technology. I can recall the excitement I felt at the beginning of each month when I bought the new edition of Science magazine when I was ten years old. I must admit, still, that it is to some extent an accident that I found myself in materials engineering school. A friend was studying metallurgical engineering and material science, and he kept explaining various topics he learned about. Little by little, I became intrigued by the field, and I am so glad that I chose to study it. I am excited, just as I was to get my hands on the shiny new issue of Science, to learn more about the materials world.

I chose math and physics for my major in high school, and I took an entrance exam and gained admission to study materials science and metallurgical engineering at a good university. My undergraduate program has given me comprehensive exposure to courses that I found both interesting and practical. The mechanical, physical, properties of material and thermodynamic were some of subjects I studied and, after graduation, I decided to delve into other aspects of material properties. I chose the Master of Mechanical Engineering program at the XXXXX, where I had the chance to learn more about the fracture of materials and material selection in design, among other specialties. However, I should mention that in the first semester is not showing my best effort. unfortunately, during that time, my father had a serious heart problem and that effect on my performance. During my master, I also completed my internship at XXXXX as a mechanical engineer. After graduation, I worked for XXXXX as a metallurgist for two years and, presently, I am working for the XXXXX in XXXXX in the same capacity. I have learned first-hand about failure analysis, understanding different mechanisms that component fails, and how to start an investigation and find the root cause of failure. During this journey, I learned to use different types of equipment such as a scanning electron microscope (SEM) and a tensile testing machine and, of course, how to interpret the results.

Knowledge is power. So far, I have learned a lot about metals, but as a materials engineer, I feel I don't have enough knowledge and background in polymer science. This is why I have chosen to study polymer and polymer science at the XXXX. At my company, the application of polymer materials is becoming more and more common every day. Thus, as a metallurgist and failure-analysis engineer, I need to understand the properties and applications of polymer materials.

I appreciate your consideration of my application, and I am confident that I would be a valuable addition to your program. I look forward to being a part of the XXXXX and assure you that I will make every effort necessary to further enhance its fine reputation.

Thank you!
Ashkan123   
Mar 6, 2018
Writing Feedback / New, modern buildings - is it a good investment? [5]

Hi

"there is a debet among"=> I think you mean "debate"

As holt said, you did not meet the minimum requirement.I think you can work on your introduction.you can explain what is the opinion of each side of this debate and what reason they bring for their argument. on paragraph 3 you can explain a little bit more.
Ashkan123   
Mar 4, 2018
Writing Feedback / Parents of obese children should be punished for making their children fat? Do you agree or disagree [5]

Hi

I am not sure if I like the phrase " It is argued." I think "some people believe" or some people demand more punishment for .......Furthermore, I think ( I am not sure though) after " it is argued " you should cover some reason that supports your argument. For instance: it is argued that there should be some punishment for those parents who let their kids gain too many weights since they are responsible for what and how thier kid .......
Ashkan123   
Mar 1, 2018
Letters / Job Shadowing request from different department [2]

Hi All

I need to write an email to request from the manager of another department for job shadowing for half a day. It would be great if you can help me out. I welcome any suggestion or correction, including email example. I know my email is not the best. But I appreciate if you can help me with your examples.

to gain experience in the department



Hi XXXXX

My name is (my name), and I am a new (my position) in the met lab. I've recently started my job in (company) and I would be grateful if I can shadow you or one of your team member for a day or a half a day to gain some experience in your department. Please advise me what would the best time. I realize that you are busy and that your time is valuable.

Thank you for help

Kind regards.
Ashkan123   
Mar 1, 2018
Letters / Recommendation Letter by Mentor in University for A Scholarship Application [4]

This is my suggestion for your first paragraph but I am not sure if it is good(Something to think)

I am writing this in enthusiastic support of Hana whom she worked with me on multiple art projects during the time she was studying XXXXX at the University of XXXX. I've found Hana a creative person with excellent critical thinking capability.

good luck....
Ashkan123   
Jan 23, 2018
Letters / Email to my manager to request subscription for some websites. [4]

Hi Guys, can you help me to fix this email, please

ASTM, ASE, Knovel library subscription



Hi XXXX

My Name is XXXXX XXXX and I am Metallurgist in Failure analysis lab. our lab needs some subscription from some website including ASTM, ASE, Knovel library. I was wondering if you can help me to get access to this website or address me how can I get a subscription from this website for our lab.

Thank you again for All your Help.
Ashkan123   
Nov 22, 2017
Letters / Email to my manager and request to be my reference [3]

work reference letter



Hi all

Would you please take a look at my email and edit it for me. I asked my manager to be my references to my new job.


Dear XXXXX. I hope you are doing well.I have a huge favor to ask. Recently, I have got a job offer, and I was asked to put two of my previous managers as references. I mentioned your name as my manager in XXXXX. I hope that's fine with you. Please let me know if you think you can not do this for me for any reason.

Thank you again for your warmful help.Happy Thanksgiving.
Best regards, Ash
Ashkan123   
Nov 21, 2017
Scholarship / Learning new things has always been a great motivator for me. Essay for MasterCard [7]

Hi @keneshuku
I've reviewed your essay and I have to say you did a good job.However, Although it is about motivation. I did not feel it motivated me (Maybe something is wrong with me-kidding :) ) Anyway, I think if you write it down one more time and try to fix lack of cohesion in your essay, your essay would be perfect.

good job, way to go.
Ashkan123   
Nov 19, 2017
Undergraduate / What is important to you? My freedom. [4]

Hi Michell, This is my contribution towards your essay.I think your third and fourth paragraph is too small.As far as I know( I am not sure) each paragraph should contain at least five or more sentences. I liked the way you start and finished your essay.

... its statements, there is ...

... great impact in onmy life -from the why wayI don't celebrate ...

... need to fulfill other people ...

My freedom allows to reach reching my goals...
Ashkan123   
Nov 19, 2017
Writing Feedback / Every success is because of hard working, luck has not much in common with success. [5]

@naseernasrati, You did a great job. But still, you need more practice same as all of us:). I am not sure if I am right or not, but I think it is not the worse idea if you can explain a little bit more why some people disagree. what are their concerns, and how come it is not really a big deal? Anyway, good job! way to go.
Ashkan123   
Nov 18, 2017
Student Talk / I am a bit shy, when I have to speak in English, I always worry about my mistakes; I lack confidence [15]

I agree with HOLT and I want to share my experience.I was same as you and still, I am. I can not write or speak very well. but recently, I got improved. Do you know why? I tell you why.Because I admit that my English skill is not good enough, and I need to improve it, therefore, I am not shy anymore. before I always didn't interact with other people because I was worried that they may find out I can not speak English very well.but this is not the case anymore.Now, I know that my English needs to improve so I am not shy that any else find this incompetence because I've already known that my writing and speaking skill is not perfect or even acceptable.That's why I start to write a lot and speak with native language speakers. you need to accept that your English skill is not acceptable and you are working on it.
Ashkan123   
Nov 18, 2017
Student Talk / Is it necessary to learn English? [38]

It depends on what you want to do.But in general it better two knows two languages. if you know two languages then your access to good movies, good music, good book become twice
Ashkan123   
Nov 17, 2017
Undergraduate / Describe any of your previous experiences in Film Production [5]

I liked your essay, but I think your essay is too short. You can explain more about what do you like about drama. What is your plan for your future, and how do you want to achieve it. Anyway, your essay well constructed but it is too short.

Good Luck! :)
Ashkan123   
Nov 15, 2017
Grammar, Usage / 'I am Metallurgist' - Would you correct my Email [4]

invitation for analisys of some items



Good Morning XXX,

I am XXXXX, Metallurgist in XXXXXX. I have two items that they needed to be analyzed, but before I do so, I would like to talk about them with you, maybe you can show me the best approach to analysis them. Kindly, please let me know when would be the best time for you so we can talk about them.
Ashkan123   
Nov 7, 2017
Grammar, Usage / Couple of sentences in English for my power point [3]

Hi guys, would you be kind enough to helpme with grammar and spell check these 3 sentence and see if there is an error that I should fix

Thank you in advance for all your help

1.Mixed part, contaminated part, damaged thread parts have been found in heat treatment department. 80
percent of the time, non-conformance happen because of mixing. See slide 2

2.The objectives of this regulation are to reduce or eliminate 10% of nonconformance and promote continuous quality
improvement.

3. Plan: Monitoring and inspecting all 5 heat treatment furnaces every week to find and resolve all possible opportunity that
causes parts mixes together. See slide 7 and 8
Ashkan123   
Oct 25, 2017
Grammar, Usage / Hi all. Is this sentence correct: Email to coworker [5]

English Grammar check



Hi all

is this sentence correct:

Can you send me the excel file of data sheet you gave me yesterday? I am also wondering if you can explain me more what does contaminated part mean?

best regards
Ashkan123   
Oct 24, 2017
Student Talk / How to improve English writing? Learning through reading. [127]

I think one way to improve English writing skills is to get help from social media like face book and twitter. instead of fowling your friend ,brother , etc follow news agency, Tv channels, Sport channel , etc.read them ,put some comments ,argue with others about one specific idea and etc. Although it does not help you to improve your academic writing skills but still it helps to learn how to use right verb or sentence in right place.
Ashkan123   
Aug 7, 2017
Graduate / Graduate Degree - opinions on Transfer Master's Student Personal Statement [4]

@darrydallen
I have read your P.S ,and I'm sorry you had to go through all this difficulties.However, I think you sheard too much of your personal life. I wouldn't go to every detail like "my father had to take loan to pay my situation" and etc. Instead ,I think you should focus on your achievement, how you earned them. I also would mention what your failure was ,how did you fix them ,and what did you learn from them. I think you should change your strategy. They should think you are a good opportunities for them not you are a person that need help. I also think you did not explain enough why you need this degree. how it could help you in future and what is your plan for future.

As you can see my writing skill is not as good as yours,but I though I should share my opinion about your essay with you. Please help me with my essay too.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
My mother told me that she suffered cancer. I was shocked. => may be you should change it,I don't exactly know how.but it feels weird.

At that moment(,) I felt I was a failure.

Thanks
Ashkan123   
Aug 4, 2017
Scholarship / What is one value you have that cannot be compromised? [5]

@Holt

Thanks for your advice.I was trying to write one paragraph each time so I can get benefit of of grammar correction since it is easier to edit 1 paragraph rather than whole essay. But from now on, I will upload whole essay together.

Thanks again
Ashkan123   
Aug 4, 2017
Scholarship / What is one value you have that cannot be compromised? [5]

@phongbilly
Your essay looks good to me.However the third paragraph is too short. As far as I know,your essay should have five paragraphs and each paragraph should contain at least five sentences.
Ashkan123   
Aug 4, 2017
Writing Feedback / "Should state college tuition be free?" Hi All, Can you help me to correct this paragraph [8]

Merged:

Pros and Cons of Tuition-Free College (2nd Paragraph)



Many people believe If college becomes tuition free, it provides more chances for the new generation to learn new skills and it helps them to find a better job opportunity. It also benefits the society by increasing the average literacy. People with higher education usually have better interaction with their surrounding environment. They know how to discuss with others, and how should they get what they need. Supporters of this idea also think that even if some of the people, who goes to school, couldn't find a chance to use all skills they have learned in school, it still helps them to improve their life style. For instance, if you study math and physics, it might not help you in your real life directly, but it helps you when you want to make tough decisions since you trained your brain how to solve problems.
Ashkan123   
Aug 2, 2017
Writing Feedback / "Should state college tuition be free?" Hi All, Can you help me to correct this paragraph [8]

Is this better ,How can I make it better?

Over 6o% of Americans believe college should be free. Nowadays, each job has become more complex, demanding a unique set of skills. The best way and easiest way to learn new skills is attending to school. However, In united states, schools are not free, and usually tuition is high. Some people believes schools should be free, and tuition should be paid by states from taxes, while others hold the idea education should not be free and people who learn something should pay for it. In this research essay, the argument of both sides of discussion along with my point of view were presented.
Ashkan123   
Aug 2, 2017
Writing Feedback / Crime must be punished, the question is how? IELTS [4]

@near9

Please correct me if I am wrong, but you did not mention idea of those people who are not agree . I am assuming that since you support them you just did not cover it in your essay
Ashkan123   
Aug 2, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task2 Protecting the variety of languages [2]

Hi Shirely Fu,

This is my contribution in regards to your essay.Please help me with my essay


A recent survey (...) are going to abolish very soon.Some people believes it's even better since it is easier to learn fewer language. However, I strongly disagree with this view as (...) role in human society from the past to the future.

Obviously, languages have came to resemble as (...) progress of the globalization.
... to be proficient at in multiple languages any more. Therefore,...

Apparently, the idea that ...
Ashkan123   
Aug 1, 2017
Writing Feedback / "Should state college tuition be free?" Hi All, Can you help me to correct this paragraph [8]

Hi

I need to improve my writing skills.That's why I write every while and post it here.can you tell me my grammar and structure mistakes? This would be the introduction for my essay.

Should state college tuition be free?



Nowadays, every job has become more and more complicated. It desires unique skills and knowledge to handle it. In this regards, if you are a person who always wants a better salary and higher position, you need to take some courses in college, and you need to graduate from accredited school. But School is not free, and you have to pay the tuition, which is not cheap. Some people think schools should be free and tuition should be paid by the state from taxes, while others believe it should not be free and people should pay for what they 've been taught. During this essay, I will explain reasons people of both sides have brought, and then I describe my opinion as well.
Ashkan123   
Jul 23, 2017
Writing Feedback / Whats My idea for an independent film? [5]

keb123

Good job. Keep it up. I think you have couple typo mistake

make sure you use "," when you connect two sentences.By making an independent film ,you should be able ...

As Holt mentioned it before it is better to use better title

good luck
Ashkan123   
Jul 19, 2017
Graduate / What goals do you have for yourself, including both personal and professionals goals? [6]

I think your draft is good, but you need to polish it a little bit more.For instance, your paragraphs are really short.Another thing is, if I were in your shoes, I would focus on one or two goals and explain them in depth.you have just listed all your goal with out any explanation.Finally, your conclusion is short as well.
Ashkan123   
Nov 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / Media can influence our behavior in short time and long time. [4]

Holt andRay93;

I would like to start by thanking you for considering my essay. Regarding my essay, I am not sure which format I want to use since I just picked one TOEFL topic to write about it and Improve my writing. I want to improve my writing and have no idea what the best approach is.Please advise me in this regards.

Regards,Ash
Ashkan123   
Nov 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / Media can influence our behavior in short time and long time. [4]

#007: How do movies and television influence people's behavior?

It has happened to all of us that after watching cooking channel on TV, we feel hungry, or after looking at a horror movie- before sleeping- we check all windows and locks one more time to make sure they are all closed tight and locked correctly. All of above are just examples to show one indisputable fact: movies or TV's influence on our behavior and the influence is not just for a short period.

In a short time, media can effect on our mood. For instance; when you listen to heartbreaking music all of sudden you feel down while another hour with another type of music you feel cheerful. This fact is also true when you listen or watch the news; some news make you angry, while others make you happy, and the worth thing is we make all our decision base on our mood or in the other word we behave according to information we receive.

In a long time, Media defines good and what is bad for us. News, programs, TV series always dictate what is right or wrong, how you should dress, or how is the appropriate behavior, and even what you should like or dislike. For example; Fat people are not considered model since all models we see on media are slim.

Media can influence our behavior in short time and long time. You feel hungry when you are watching cooking channel or feel angry when hearing bad news. These are just examples of the effect of media on our behavior in a short time and how good people should dress or how should behave are examples of media in a long time. However, this dictation is sometimes good and sometimes is bad.
Ashkan123   
Nov 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / All regions in Canada had the highest percentage of international alumni in 2006, apart from Alberta [3]

Hi Ryan, Hope you are doing well
Here is my contribution toward your essay.
1.First of all, I think you should use more linking verb.To me, It seems several sentences that just put together in one or two paragraph.

2.I wouldn't use " Surprisingly."Try "interestingly " or something similar
3.measured by percent =>Mesured in percentage
4.you used past tense to explain something about the graph. I suggest using present simple to explain facts

Good job ,Keep it up and please help me to improve my writing as well.
Ashkan123   
Nov 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Internet plays a vital role in collecting information and communication for all age groups. [6]

Hi. I've found some minor mistake .I hope it helps.

1. But , some people argued that, never start your sentence with But: Try: however etc .
2. you don not need comma after but .
3. internet is now a need of an hour.=>nowadays, internet is ....
4. Everyone is dependent on the internet
5. In my opinion,There is no doubt that the internet is the best way to access to the information .
6. This is because, it is easy, faster and reliable.
7. ... commute with his distant friend

Good job, keep it up
Ashkan123   
Nov 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / Nothing in this world is ideal, and my city is not an exception. [6]

006: If you could change one thing about your hometown, what would it be?

My hometown is one of the most beautiful city in the world with the kindest people I have ever met. However, nothing in this world is ideal, and my city is not exceptional. There are couples of thing that they bothered me last time I visit it, but none of them was as irritable as its internet speed.

Nowadays, information is power and time is gold indeed! If anybody in my city wants to do something that everybody gets benefit from it, he should defiantly work on improving internet speed. Last summer, I was in my hometown for visit and I had to pick some courses for the fowling semester. The internet speed was so slow that I could not even open the school main web page. As I mentioned before, access to the information nowadays is the key. How can anybody expect to have anything to say in future if he has not have access to information in the fastest way as possible.

All in all, nothing in my home town buttered me as much as internet speed did. If I have power to fix only one problem from my hometown it defiantly would be internet speed.
Ashkan123   
Aug 12, 2016
Graduate / Affordable housing for students of Claitown Univer. and a way to fund the building of such housing [3]

Hi, Here are my suggestion ..I will be appreciate you can help me too

1.The the given
2. Architect can charge heavy amount in return., Since, nothing is discussed about architect's ...
3.you need comma before "But" Paragraph 2
4.you use "thus " more than 3 times in 1 paragraph
5.I could not find your conclusion.
again, these are my suggestion .may be some other member can help better
Ashkan123   
Aug 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary of Video: Wired Happiness [3]

Hi
I have just couple comment
1.I would not use But in beginning of sentence. However ,nevertheless are better option.
2. The psychologist research concludeif every people think if I will be happy when I get the good job (...) when I have a children, and if I all thing that I want.

too many If
3. According to the Rao suggestion is, you must think if outcome is completely outside of your control. Outcome is not guarantee to get happy.
4.., So forget about the outcome and focusing the process.