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Posts by ZiadRasyid24
Name: Ziad Al Rasyid
Joined: Aug 11, 2016
Last Post: Aug 31, 2016
Threads: 10
Posts: 15  
Likes: 3
From: Indonesia
School: Institute Technology Sepuluh Nopember

Displayed posts: 25
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Aug 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / At the present time, car become one of the most important goods (instruments) in human life [2]

Hi aidafitria, let me you a hand, this is my suggestions for you. I hope it will develop your writing skill

1. Nowadays (At the present time) , car become one of the most important goods (instruments) in human life. In town or rival places, cars are using in work and socia l cars are used to help them acces transportation to wherever they need such to work or colleagues . However , there also drawbacks for the unlimited of using cars cause many problems , such as traffic jam, gas emission , and autoa number of accidents . In my opinion, these problems can be managed by create some new regulations by the goverments with the aim of reduce the number of carsUnlimited car using can be reduced by limited ... .

I hope it is helpful.. Please recheck it again ...
Keep writing :)
Aug 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / The changes at West park School since 1950 - after the demand for personal vehicles increased [2]

The diagrams report the development of building for each triple decades until 2010 since the Secondary School at West Park first constructed in 1950. In conclusion, the green area gone gradually as the world changing and the increase in the demand of cars make the park area built larger for last year. While the children area remained the same as early built such as school building and playground area but it is become smaller in last three decades.

In the 1950 the main plans of building site are built by considering green area for using farmland, children area for school and playground, houses for people stay, and the main road for help people's activity. After three decades some of changing plans decided. They reduce the need of green area by change with sports field. They also removed the people's house and swith to car park area and blocks of science. Moreover, the children area remained the same as the built before.

For the last three decades as the demand for personal vehicles increase, the larger car park was built. And they removed the sport field area and put it into playground area which is reduced the amount of children area. The buildings that remained the same are science block and school building. In addition, the main road also remained same as early.
Aug 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Facts about celebrities are always interesting to follow, and the lives of ordinary people? [2]

Hi ashelarisa, let me you a hand, this is my suggestions for you. I hope it will develop your writing skill

1. Some tv stations also report about the ordinary people who (have an inspiring story) or have a dedication in society.
.... most famous talk shows programme in Indonesia, usually invites some of ordinary people from differentvarious background but they did somethingwith the amazing skills or achievements , such as a child ...

CertainlyAs aresult , it iscaninspiringmotivate more people to have better life . and they become famous afterwards.

I hope it is helpful.. Please recheck it again ...
Keep writing :)
Aug 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / It is certain that the clear water resource became a rarity in the several countries. [2]

Hi Permata, let me you a hand, this is my suggestions for you. I hope it will develop your writing skill

1. There is no doubt (it is certain) that clear water resourcehas been a become (turn out to be)scarerare in the several countries.

2. Nowadays, the universal access to fresh water sources has become a burning issue since overpopulation becomeenhance(to improve enrichment word) a predominant problem in plentymost of nations.

3. ... individual have a duty to find solutions forsolve these pressing issues (...) to keep environment naturallysafely .

I hope it is helpful.. Please recheck it again ...
Keep writing :)
Aug 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 "Some kind of paid work work children in many countries" [4]

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.

What are your opinion on this?

In many country parents involve their children for some kind of freelance work. they assume this is very important for their experiences of work, learning activities, and responsibility value. While others think this is not appropriate for children because they will not capable of the loads.

For some parents think that paid work is beneficially for children and they have opinion for this. First, they assume that paid work is giving children more experiences that they cannot learn in school. This is very important and may help them while adults. The other reason is taking responsibility. They will acquire if they are given some task. Then, It will develop their responsible ability.

In the other hand, parents who believe that paid work for children is not good decision have a different point of views. They think that children is growth process. Therefore, they should spend most of their time by take learning activities in school. If they are forced to do some of paid work, it will lose their rights to play or learn with their friends. The other reason is most of children are not enough of mentality. Many of them will become stress by difficult task or not capable of their job. Then, it will affect to their personality. For instance, After working they might be tired and tend to lose control in some situations or having less interest to communicate with other member of family.

All in all, many of parents have their opinion for this problem. In my view children should have more time and freedom to learn in school or play with their friends because they are not enough of mental to deal with some kind of work.
Aug 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / BOARDING SCHOOL FOR CHILDREN - good option for the contemporary parents who doesn't have enough time [5]

Hi ionksm, let me you a hand, this is my suggestions for you. I hope it will develop your writing skill

1. On the one hand , Some peoplethosewho support the living at the school cite because they think it have various benefits (or value) , ranging from..

As a last point (result) , some ...

2. By contrast (in the other hand) , the others who haveopponents of thisthe opposite view remark (...) decrease the emotional bondline between the children ...

I hope it is helpful.. Please recheck it again ...
Keep writing :)
Aug 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / The number of participants in education and science program in 1980 and 1990 based on a survey. [3]

The charts report the number of participants in educational purpose and science program in 1980 and 1990 with the develop and advanced country as the based survey.

Overall, advanced country have bigger number in all aspect of educational and science than develop country. There are many significant increase in all aspect for advanced country in the decades. While the develop country have a little improvement or decreasing numbers.

Advanced country have dominated an all aspect. In the years of schooling program show longer period by over 8 years and peaked up at 11 years. In the other hand, develop country show less number between 2 and 4 years.

For the number of scientists and technicians they collaborate with a huge numbers of people between 40 and 70 thousands. In contrast, the other just less than 20,000 people.

In the funds of research and development programme, advanced country giving lots of attention with around 150 billions and doubles in last decades. while develop country less interest on this programme and decrease the number from 150 to 125 billions.
Aug 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / The spread of the internet issue - IELTS TASK 4: FULLY-DEVELOPED EXAMPLES [4]

Hi Hary, let me you a hand, this is my correction

For instance, moremany sites which contain unsure of (...) any bad content others .
The impact (As a result) , a lot of are involvedcriminal cases of raping occurred among the teenagers who oftenafter accessing shameful sites.

I hope it is helpful.. Please recheck it again ...
Keep writing :)
Aug 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Recruitment English Teacher and French Teacher in Ontario between 2001 and 2007 [5]

Hi Dinartika, let me you a hand, this is my correction

... French and English enlisting teacher had slowly (little) increased for ...
... these recruitment had the same (similiar) pattern like in 2001 - 2003 that happened in 2005 - 2007with the beginning of three years period .
... however the number of French teacher went up and downshowed fluctuationsuntilandreached a peaked at 74 percent.

I hope it is helpful.. Please recheck it again ...
Keep writing :)
Aug 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1 (US Airline satisfaction level) and Task 2 (The need of healthy meal to children) [3]

The chart and table below show customer satisfaction levels in the US with airline and aspects of air travel in 1999, 2000, and 2007.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart and table show the satisfaction level of passangers and aspect point of flying experience of airlines in the US in three year period (1999, 2000, and 2007).

The specific point of satisfaction experience passangers show that the most enjoyable services are flight attendants and gate agents with above 87 percent. While the schedule of flight show middle interest by around 75 percent. The mainly aspect that airlines should improve is the services point. Some facilities such seat and the prices show less satisfied between 47 and 65 percent. However all the aspect of satisfaction are increase by the year.

In the major of airlines satisfaction level show interest result. The percentage of satisfied level increase from 65 to 72 and dissatisfied level decrease from 32 to 24 in every year.

Overall, the satisfaction level of customer increase in all year both of the specific aspect and major airlines nations. However some specific aspect such services need some improvement
Aug 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Children are picky-eaters, therefore they have unhealthy lifestyle and prefer to consume junk-food [3]

Hi Fadhilah umar, let me you a hand, this is my correction

1. There are many kind of food that can be detectable, especiallysuch as on its taste, ( "especially" usually refer to specific things)
appearance, packaging...

2. Infor some children who have ...
As a result, most childrenthey tend to have unhealthy lifestyle while and prefer to consume ...

3. HoweverTherefore , parents have the greatestplays an important role of it.

I hope it is helpful.. Please recheck it again ...
Keep writing :)
Aug 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 "Are the appearance more important than the quality of work" [3]

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Today appearance is very important and representative personality of people. Therefore, some company require their employees used a good outfit. While others believe that quality of work is more important.

Some people suggested that quality of work is significant and I can understand their point of view. Some big company or personal that deal with non direct customers such as Google, freelancers, and labour focus only the results of the job. They disregard appearing of the employees and give freedom what they want to use when working. This because the company would not they getting stress because of the rules and mainly could improve performance of work by giving the best effort. At the end the company will beneficially because sometimes the new inovation product created or the jobs finished earlier time than schedule.

However, the others assume that appearance is something compulsory when socialize with other people. As my experienced, psychology of people that someone who have a good appearance tend to be more easier to get attention and persuade other people than others who looks ordinary. For some company or people that need to be collecting as many as number of customers such as sales insurance, executive business, or marketing product, the appearance is very important while dealing with customers.

Personally, I think the question depend on what are they deal with. If someone require the result of the job, they have not to be look smart dress but concentrate only to the task. On the other hand if getting customers is the aim of their job, they should looks good in their appearance.
Aug 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Producing electricity using two methods: hydroelectric dam and wave air generator [4]

Hi Dinartika, let me you a hand, this is my correction

1. The second, ( the Ordinal number such first, second, third using prefix 'the' . ex: the first gate; and cardinal number such one, two, without 'the' ex: The gate two.

2. The This procedure is activatedusing passive sentence
... the second chamber where located in the upper floor.

3. Both of methods have sameSimiliar devices like turbine, ...

I hope it is helpful.. Please recheck it again ...
Keep writing :)
Aug 26, 2016
Scholarship / Hi ! i'm Nathanya , help me correct my Personal Statement for apply KGSP Scholarship [4]

Hi Nathanya, let me you a hand, this is my correction

1. Everyone have their own passion and I found my passion ...
I believesee fashion asis a form of Self Expression.
... traditional clothes and everyone, every person has a different taste of fashion. It isThese make me realize (...) their true identity, and personality and also affect how ..

Boost To improve their confident and mood so , it Literally affect ...
It is like dream comes true to ...

I hope it is helpful.. Please recheck it again ...
Keep writing :)
Aug 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / Most of businesses' objective now is gaining highly profitability with only concern for the money [2]

The purpose of business is to make money and they should concentrate only on this.
Do you agree or disagree?

Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

Most of the business objective now is gaining highly profitably with only notice to the money and disregard to the other aspect such as environment, employees, local community. However, I believe that that its have to consider all aspect in order to continue their business and survive for long time.

People who argue that the business purpose is only making profit have one reason for this opinion. They think that business is the way to achieve the wealth. Therefore, they concentrate just to make large income with the minimum cost production. An example for this opinion is some company using high number of worker and they are paid minimum wage or using the low-cost production method. As a result business may suffer because contradict the nature law. Some effect might appear such as quit labours, customers reject the product, and damaged environment.

On the other hand, there are strong reason why some people are arguing that business have a duty to think about all point so that survive in industry. The first is that business should keep the environment safe and clean while production. For instance the company have to process their waste until safely before released into the environment. Another reason is business should treatment their employees such giving insurance or holiday so they able to work maximally then increase the production. The other point is business should keep in touch with local community to acquire the feedback of their product.

In short, I think that the business should care about all point not just generate money such as nature, labour, and customers. This might be difficult but if they followed, it will be accept by all people and stand for long time.
Aug 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some benefits of watching TV like info on tourist destinations, the variety of world culinary, etc. [2]

Hi ekalamarsyari, let me you a hand, this is my correction

1. In my view there is (should be) (i think because this is your view, you should make sure the answer by not using should)
... only stay at home and watch tv rather than others who ...

2. Most television programs that present information about other countries and give the audience some ...
For example, My Trip My Adventure andalso Fish and Chef (i think using and is the best way to mention 2 things)
are two television programs ...

3. There is amazing scenery there because it is athat place surrounded by some hills. (i think using that rather than 'it is" because you have mention it before and explaining )

I hope it is helpful.. Please recheck it again ...
Keep writing :)
Aug 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / Living in a high-rise flat is the new lifestyle. As the consequence, the occupant will feel lonely. [3]

Hi Hirani, let me you a hand, this is my correction

This because usually it have little space with other room so they should keep unnoisy (the one of the rules in the flat is every dweller must keep the stillness). Another reason is most of inhabitants working all day longworkaholic . They are crazy in working. T Hence, the flat is only ...

As a result , (It means) there are less of communication sense between flat members

I hope it is helpful.. Please recheck it again ...
Keep writing :)
Aug 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Number of people who are content in the USA by the age group, maritial status, and having kids [3]

The charts report the survey of the percentage of people who are pleased in the United States according the age group, wedded status, and with or without children

According to the charts, the happiness level of the youngest group of married people are the highest with more than two fifths percent. While in ages ranging from 30 to 39 and above 65 are 44 percent. The other age group are the lowest just two-fifth percent. In contrary, only almost a fifth percent of single people are pleased in all age group, excluding those aged 65 and over. Nevertheless, there is a significant difference, with 34 percent of people being happy.

In the other chart, having children give a slight increased on happiness levels. The percentage shows that married people with children below 18 is 44 percent and for those without children just under. In addition, The other who couples with children over 18 have 41 percent.

In conclusion, wedded people tend to be more pleased than single, with or without children. And all the percentage of happiness levels of people in the US are below half.

Aug 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / What skill does everyone need? According to the speaker, it should be addressed to listening skill. [2]

Hi Ramzi, let me lend you a hand, this is my suggestion words

1. This question, according to the speaker, should be addressed to listening skill. ( in another sentences) According to the speaker, The answer for question what the most important skills needed all people is listening skills.

2. ... to listen in order to create the understanding each other.
3. Without this one, many things canmisapprehending can happen when the worldpeople avoid to listen each other.
4. To tackle solve this, the speaker offers ...

I hope it is helpful.. Please recheck it again ...
Aug 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / Scientific research revealed that there is an abnormal leisure time situation [9]

Hi Zul, let me lend you a hand, this is my suggestion words

1. Scientific(better if you include the origin) research revealed that there is ...
From its report, nowadays people have more pastime
2. ... people who spent live in the city tend to lose their ...
In comparison or Comparing with people lived in country side which have the contradict effects.
3. Moreover, people more prefer spending their time by watching TV, surfing internet...
4. This situation lead to increasing the increase on the level of depression ...
... to tackle this problem by giving s ample time for children to spend ...
In addition, vacations can alsois another way to solve this problem.

I hope it is helpful.. Please recheck it again ...
Aug 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1 (unit 3 Workbook CECI) Survey about the essential of communication skill for job [4]

The table reports the survey about the important skills of communication for many people used in their job in 1997 and 2006. And how the important skills of communication vary according people community (Eksternal and Internal).

From the eksternal community, it is result that the most important skills in communication is dealing with people with 60 and 65 in both year respectively. While the skill on selling product or service is the most insignificant with around twenty people. In addition the middle priority of communication skill are knowledge about the product service and advising or caring the customer with 35-41 people.

In the internal area communication within company people has different priority. Listen carefully other colleagues is strongly important skills to communication with 38 -47 people. In the other hand making speeches or presentation is little important skills with less than 12 people. Moreover, the other medium urgency of communication to other are persuading or influencing, instructing or training, and planning the activities ranged 14-30 people.

To conclude, all of the communication skills are important to use in the community but skills on dealing with customers and listen carefully to other colleagues is the top priority for many people to help their job.

Aug 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / Honey-bee Colonies and The Production of Honey - IELTS Task 1 [2]

Hi Farida, let me lend you a hand, this is my suggestion words

1. the production of the honey in every 10 yearslast decadesstart from 1970 to 2010 in the United States
2. ... both of graphs show decreaseddecreasing trends while honey-bee ...
In addition , honey production experienced ...
3. ... honey-bee colonies was in 1980, atwith 4,2 millions while the ...
In the first 10 yearsdecades , the number of colonies (...) but for the 30 yearstriple decades later show sharp decline ...
4. In 1990, the number of honey production had are higher humber than the othersyears but had lesslowernumber than in 1970.

I hope it is helpful.. Please recheck it again ...
Aug 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 (unit 2 Workbook CECI) Healthy lifestyle for some people in modern world [2]

Write about the following topics:
Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to healthy and fit if they want to be.

Discuss both these views and give your opinion

In advanced era some people state that it is hard to be healthy for people worked all day long. In my opinion, I agree that to be healthy is the most problem for worked people. However, some people think that keep healthy is simple and not matter.

In conclusion, it seems that not enough time is the most problem for some people caused them very difficult to be healthy lifestyle. Although some people have unhealthy lifestyle, others consider to be healthy with spend more time to exercise and eat some organic food.
Aug 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / Taking a gap year for going a vacation or getting a job is being part of teenager's lifestyle [3]

Hi Reza, Let me land you a hand, these are my correction:

1. Taking a gap year = maybe you can use an intermission for word enrichment
2. It bringingbrings/ acquires a lot of meaningful experience which is very valuable for them ...
3. learn to do notnot to rely on their parents any more
4. However, Life is not easyas easier as like the most of teenager's
5. Stress of work can disturbaffect their daily activities
6. however a good preparation becomes vital since taking such decision can lead to horrible problem as well . or it can be says a good preparation will help the teenager's in solving the problems that arise in the new environment.

Please recheck it again ... I hope it is helpful..
Aug 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / Short introduction and conclusion of Level of education of Bulgarians planning to leave Bulgaria [2]

the chart reported the percentage of movement of bulgarian to a new country in three period of year vary based on the education level.
Clearly, according to the various aspect of education (higher, secondary, primary and lower), most of people with secondary education tend to move to another country much more higher than people with different level of education in all years period.

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