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"difficult situations to test" - Vires, Artes, Mores, FSU addmission essay

11 - The only way my family and I could get through this; iswas if we did it together. ...

Undergraduatesaco - Sep 20, 2009pcvrz34g - Sep 21, 2009
Hills Like White Elephants Essay (man and girl frustration)

2 - You are on the right track. One concern I have, though, is that the prompt asks you who you...

Writing Feedbackhazelc - Sep 21, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 21, 2009
"UCF is my first choice" - just need some advice.

4 - The thing is, there really isn't a huge reason I want to go besides A. Some friends go there...

Undergraduatehelgoth11 - Sep 21, 2009helgoth11 - Sep 21, 2009
Does my resume look alright to you?? any help would be great! thank you soo much

3 - You have included more or less the right sort of information. You should probably expand on some of your...

Lettershakimhusein - Sep 21, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 21, 2009
"The future / Community service" - U of I Short essays

6 - These are stronger. You could make them even better if you tried replacing some of the weak verbs you...

Undergraduatedfudali - Sep 15, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 21, 2009
Summary/Response: Kant's Public and Private Use of Reason

4 - Thank you I appreciate the help....

Writing Feedbackmilkee_0923 - Sep 17, 2009milkee_0923 - Sep 21, 2009
"Studying overseas" - I AM PREPARING FOR IELTS EXAM

2 - Hi, I'm also new in this forum so i'll try my best to help you out with this...

Writing Feedbackangel_luv - Sep 21, 2009elainedlcruz - Sep 21, 2009
"the normal family"+"working at camps" - UC prompt #1 & 2

3 - I agree, the essays were both beautifully written but the conclusions doesn't really tie in with the essays! Other...

Undergraduateachoy014 - Sep 20, 2009omarxcore - Sep 21, 2009
"to expand these values" - Florida State Entrance Essay

5 - I agree with the other feedback. Those reading these applications know what the prompt is and what the words...

Undergraduateseanylax21 - Sep 18, 2009heddergirl723 - Sep 21, 2009
educational and personal goals - UNCW Wilmington Essay

2 - I like this metaphor a lot. However, the rest of the essay is weak. When it comes down...

Undergraduatelaurn1020 - Sep 20, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 21, 2009
Process Essay. Water Polo.

2 - This is your conclusion right now. It functions weakly as a conclusion and ought to go in the...

Writing FeedbackDEW72 - Sep 20, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 21, 2009
Initial Florida State Essay - content only

3 - waaaay too vague. what are these difficult choice you have faced? what specific incidents have tested your moral fiber?...

Undergraduatemroth2 - Sep 20, 2009SeeHerFly - Sep 21, 2009
"How did you get caught?" - University of Chicago Supplemental Essay

3 - Well, my goal was actually to describe how Joanne functioned more as a dose of reality. I didn't mean...

UndergraduateLunacy - Sep 20, 2009Lunacy - Sep 21, 2009
World you came from, personality - UC Prompt #1 & #2

7 - Redid the first prompt: I'm not sure how I should end it though. I decided to write about a...

Undergraduatekloud - Sep 20, 2009kloud - Sep 21, 2009
Are you bored doing the same tasks over and over again? - Definition Essay

2 - Hypo stress is the type of stress one would encounter if they do a job that does not require...

Writing Feedbackvwyodapink - Sep 20, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 21, 2009
"Get an A, but no brain" - Cheating and plagiarism

12 - While we get a fair number of aspiring freeriders here, the default assumption for anyone new should be that...

Writing Feedbacklorelain - Sep 17, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 21, 2009
Rice U Essay - My Passion for Change

3 - Ok, I will add more on how I am going to contribute to the Rice Univesity. Thanks for your...

Undergraduatelichy1207 - Sep 20, 2009lichy1207 - Sep 20, 2009
penn state personal statemet - checking content and shortening essay

2 - What you need is to add details. A 1200 character essay should include more imformation and description, right? Just...

Undergraduatejplax911 - Sep 20, 2009mikowoo - Sep 20, 2009
MIT Essay - Use of Creativity (Fashion)

3 - Thanks for your help! Another concern of mine is: am I telling too much, instead of showing?...

Undergraduate2010szhou - Sep 20, 20092010szhou - Sep 20, 2009
solution for new students to get on new school

3 - thank EF_Simone so much!i try to make better comment for others and avoid these mistakes in my essays. i...

Writing Feedbackkhoctham - Sep 20, 2009khoctham - Sep 20, 2009
Chinatown Beautification Day - Common App: Significant Experience

2 - lol I was going to write about Chinatown Beautification Day too XD We had to clean a park. But...

UndergraduateLi82092 - Sep 20, 2009BoNyKiD07 - Sep 20, 2009
Descriptive Essay - A media event or a once in a lifetime event

8 - you can use methaphors, similes, analogies to help show and not just say things that describe emotions or feelings...

Writing FeedbackJSteinberger - Sep 20, 2009neuromancer - Sep 20, 2009
" The impact my parent's divorce" - UCF- hopefully original

5 - thanks for the feedback! I rewrote it and tried to show my feelings a little more, please tell me...

Undergraduateelanners - Sep 20, 2009elanners - Sep 20, 2009
Diagnosed with (ITP) +an underprivileged household - UCF Admission Essays

5 - I must disagree because every sentence in your second essay is generic and will be similar to the essays...

Undergraduatehazelc - Sep 20, 2009Llamapoop123 - Sep 20, 2009
"the bustling cafe" - Common App- Significant Experience

2 - so you're writing an essay where you had to see an essay writing tutor? this could be thought...

Undergraduatedancer2010 - Sep 20, 2009laurn1020 - Sep 20, 2009
Common App Essay for Cornell about Myself?

14 - Hehe.. maybe nothing will happen.. so try to remember something.. even if you were young...

UndergraduateBoNyKiD07 - Sep 13, 2009Mayada - Sep 20, 2009
Common app essay about AMERICAN CREAM PUFFS!

14 - In the paragraph about Edna, make sure you mention that she scooped snow into her hands. It sounds like...

Undergraduatecreampuffs - Sep 12, 2009dancer2010 - Sep 20, 2009
"I will never forget my mother" - UCF undergrad essay.

4 - Try to vary your sentence structure and length. Other than that, great essay....

UndergraduateAmichaelg91 - Sep 20, 2009dancer2010 - Sep 20, 2009
Overcoming Domestic Violence - UC Transfer App

8 - EF_Sean..."I'm a crazy person who's off her meds, and who in fact refused to go on them." LOL!...

UndergraduateSeeHerFly - Sep 19, 2009SeeHerFly - Sep 20, 2009
toefl -- needed land / protecting environment

5 - I can't help but notice that many of your comments on other people's threads have been a bit brief...

Writing FeedbackJin - Sep 19, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 20, 2009
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