Writing Feedback / IELTS: Money as a members of staff reward for their exceptional contribution to the company [4]


Simply write two body paragraphs as to answer the tasks;
Body 1:


Body 2:


If you look at the two tasks more closely, then you will see these key words: style of management effective and ways to work hard should be taken in account.

If you answer these tasks fully, then you will earn a good score for you meet certain criteria: Task responses. However, have look at these:

1.


What do you mean by "quality of life" here? That sounds too vague.
2.


Are you sure this point is designed to be in conjunction with the task? Please check it.



I always suggest others to present specific examples. This can be started by asking journalistic questions: how many? who? when? what? results? By this, you will have a lot of relevant details that support each topic sentence. Interesting, huh?

Writing Feedback / Home is good place to learn a lot, however school is the best place to learn. [8]


This is good if you combine those sentences into complex ones. Let's try for this question:


Students need a good study place. Although some students have intense concentration to study effectively in school, some others prefer studying at home offering a greater privacy. Therefore, I believe that school is the best study place for individuals and groups.

Writing Feedback / Some cultures value more the elderly people, while others paid more attention on young generation [5]

Did you finish it into 40 minutes?
Make sure that you include the task of this question. Some essays have "agree/disagree", "discuss both views", or "problems and solutions", etc... By this, it helps you readers easy to follow the logical order and share meaningful feedback.



I always suggest others to write specific examples. To have the detailed ones, they have to ask some journalistic questions: how many? who? when? what? results?. Also, presenting specific example(s) means that you are successful to support in-depth discussion as supporting sentences.



they are not colloquial phrases


do you mean Chinese / China?

Writing Feedback / IELTS - mobile phones: faster communication vs social problems [4]


The increasing complexity of mobile phones affects social interaction. While some people say this is true, some others argue that mobile communications help them overcome the barriers of long-distance interactions. However, I believe that the use of mobile phones has become a natural part of many people's lives.


or this may lead ...?


Smartphones have


upper-case letter

Writing Feedback / Adolescents are being influenced badly by untalented people who become famous [2]

First of all, it is true thatAdmittedly, people usespend their money to becomeachieve an inspiration, which is are definitely not a good mirrora bad example for young people.

it seems to me thatApparently, not manyall people can exist

Writing Feedback / IELTS: I highly recommend authorities to raise the age to leave school to 18 [7]


contribute to high quality or contribute in producing high quality


I always suggest others to have a specific example, by asking journalistic questions: how many? who? what? when? results?

After you Log on to EF, Remember, you are asked to complete the full prompt with your essay.

Writing Feedback / Imprisonment trend among five different countries - bar graph [5]


you don't need to write a conclusion for task 1. What you need is to present an overview written after the introduction in a different paragraph.


the/ a number of is followed by plural noun
the amount of is followed by uncountable noun


the figures of both Australia and New Zealand fluctuate slightly between 1930 and 1980

Student Talk / It's phobia? I know how to plan, discuss and analyze any topic, but can't write anything [7]

Google is the best friend. Everything you can find there.
If you think that you need some feedback, you post your writing as a preliminary draft here. Or, if you don't want to post it, use this site to look at other peoples' essays for ideas.

Read as many essays/writings as you can to improve your writing skills. This help you find some ideas and improve your vocabulary and grammar.

Writing Feedback / Some people say that success is "10 percent talent and 90 percent hard work" [4]

This intro is too bulky. Let me give a try for this intro;


Success is more likely to be linked with action. While some people say this is true, some others argue that talent seems to be the biggest indicator of success in any field. Therefore, I believe that the strongest factor for success is self-esteem.

Writing Feedback / Advertisement are only the good way of gaining information and one should not be fully depends on it [5]


As you have pointed out, it is difficult to generalise about IELTS template. You'd better focus on the topic given. Then, construct you paragraph with coherence and cohesion in an essay.

Writing Feedback / Unpaid community service - "great stepping stone for high school institutions" [6]


It is ok if you put many paragraphs here and there. However, a layout takes an important role when writing an essay. Therefore, a four-paragraph essay is quite well to try.

Writing Feedback / essay: following the host country's culture for visitors [5]


even this essay opens for discussion/ both views, it is always nicer if you state your opinion in the end of the introduction.


every should be followed by it. every country has its own particular customs


they is faulty reference pronoun. Please check it

Writing Feedback / 'healthy diet and adequate exercises' - Methods to improve public health [4]


Are you sure this part of the topic? If it is not, you are off-topic. Please check it

Writing Feedback / ielts essay about water shortage [12]


simply paraphrase the question. Here you should submit the complete prompt as to know what to paraphrase. Then, simply introduce the topic.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK - 2 Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men [5]


this part contains vague language, which is not clear for me. Please check it


I always suggest others to have journalistic questions when stating an example as to specify their idea. These questions consist of " how many? who? what? when? results?


a subject and verb agreement.


there are two sentences running together. This shows bad grammar. Please check it

Writing Feedback / How the Vietnamese invasion of Cambodia affected the United States-feedback [5]

many military families and even the military itself was affected by the military draft. During the Vietnam War, there was a mandatory draft.
Is this you mean? During the Vietnam War, it was a mandatory draft which affected military families


Anti-war protests started from colleges through the war area where people express their views

Writing Feedback / some people believe that college student should consider only their own talents [4]


Given this evidence, both group opinions are right, which students should consider parameters when choosing field of study.

Writing Feedback / Should people be allowed to have cosmetic surgery before the age of 18? [5]


Therefore, I believe that there are in-depth discussion about the pros and cons of having surgery for teenagers.
it is always good to have your opinion in the end of introduction.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1. MARRIAGES AND DIVORCE IN THE USA & ADULT AMERICANS' MARITAL STATUS [6]


problem with plural form


problem with plural form


write fluctuation with plural form or put an article


or these numbers?


this may be edited for length and clarity

this report is good. However, one-two flaws interrupt the flow

Writing Feedback / IELTS; all towns and cities to have public spaces [5]


As I suggest to other students to pay attention to "example' they wrote, some students fail to present a clear example. Therefore, I offer them to have journalistic questions, by how many? who? what? when? results?

Writing Feedback / Ielts taks1: the diagram show how rainwater is reused [4]

Let me give a try for an overview:
Overall, the diagram shows how a drop of water flows from the source through the treatment process, which may be treated differently depending on the quality of the water which enters the plant.

Writing Feedback / College graduates find hard to get good jobs [5]

This contains 452 words. Did you finish it into 30 minutes?

this intro carries bulky words. you don't need to go into detail about what you want to discuss.


worthwhile jobs



it is always to good to ask journalistic questions when composing an example as to specify you idea. The questions: how many? who? what? when? results?

Writing Feedback / IELTS: What are the benefits and problems brought by international corporation? [8]


When writing a conclusion for task 2, I always start with the words "In conclusion". There's no reason why you should learn any alternatives.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Effect of movies and computer games containing violence [7]

even this essay opens for discussion or both views, it is always nicer if you state your opinion in the end of the introduction


This example is too vague. Make your example more specific by asking journalistic questions: how many? when? what? who? results?

Writing Feedback / Ielts - fast food is good or bad? [10]

read sample essays as many as possible as you will learn how ielts essay should written.


Government and individuals are equally responsible for the problem pertaining to fast food consumption by reducing number of fast food industries ,and encouraging traditional food preparation at home

Writing Feedback / TOEFL -advices from senior people are more valuable than from people at our age [5]

This contains 501 words. Is the essay written in 30 minutes?


direct quote might be acceptable. However, it is nicer if you could paraphrase it.


Write "prevent" making, instead of avoid making. Write it with academic tone.

The first thing the readers see is your layout, which shows whole of your essay. If the layout is difficult to read, which is let's say: no spaces between paragraphs, then they immediately know your writing needs more work to read. Hence, I suggest you to leave one space every time you open a new paragraph.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Talent is one of the awesome things in the world [6]


are you sure that this is the part of the question asked? Please check it.


I didn't see you argue the prompt clearly.


even this opens for discussion essay/ both views, it is always nicer if you end the introduction by stating your opinion.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2- insufficient respect is shown to older people [4]







These are not a good grasp of colloquial language. Possible solution: Get some lessons for academic vocabulary in use.


For the real test, when writing a conclusion for task 2, I always start with the words "In conclusion". There's no reason why you should learn any alternatives.

Your writing is good. However, this lacks task response, flow of the sentences, and vocabularies.
Possible solution: instead of writing, you'd better draft essays as many as possible. By this, you can examine essays more closely: what language style you will use, what the tone is, what the purpose is..., expository or argumentative essays?

Writing Feedback / Ielts: Mobile phones facilitate our work and also simplify our lives [5]


What do you mean by contacting? Phoning, chatting or video calling? Phoning was ago. Nowadays, some students prefer using a skype or yahoo messenger, which is provided gratis

Well, if you have a question that you don't like at all, then you can write with a 5-paragraph essay. You write one introduction, three bodies, and one conclusion. In the bodies, you will argue more on one side than the other by writing two content paragraphs arguing positive and negative effects. This can help you write more words, but some students, that I see, put grandiose ideas, by writing too many words. Uppsss.., remember, 40 minutes to finish your essay are a must :D

Well, If I were you, I wrote a four-paragraph essay. One introductory paragraph, two bodies with examples per each and one concluding paragraph.h structure this is weak.

Writing Feedback / Spending more money in public transportation should be improved early [4]


Therefore, I would argue that governments should categorize issues by putting them in orders, and public transportation should be the first one on the list, due to two reasons which are as to enhanceing people's life and reduceing pollution.

It is always good to state your opinion in the end of introduction.

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL]People who cannot accept the criticism from others will not be successful [2]


the criticism enables youpeople to be aware of others' opinion | other opinions. I prefer using the world people instead of you. This is not Expository writing, but argumentative. Therefore, the world 'some people' or 'people' is common use standard.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: permit of women to run career in army must be supported [5]


plural form numbers of armies | number armies


this is too vague as an example. Always have journalistic questions when constructing an example as to specify your idea.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2. Where Talent Comes From [9]


have a look at the bold ones. I think you fail when using references. What they refer to? parents or kid?

Writing Feedback / I believe that society has been helped by the invention of the Internet [6]


I think this example is still general. Use journalistic questions to construct your specific example, by asking: how many? what? when? who? result?

Writing Feedback / Most people believe that adult should provide all child demands, because they not are independent [3]


I cannot catch this point. Can you make it clear?


What do you mean by free here?


there are many needs. Make sure that you state it clear. Let's say: Results show that the need for job security becomes more important for adult workers

Writing Feedback / 4 types of landfill waste in Molovia, Bratistan, Atlantis, Senia and Vatania [7]


the ... est + noun followed by in/of/that, e.g the smallest category in this type.


grammar problem. This contains two verbs.
Possible solution: there was around 22-25% of landfill with electronic waste


Write the intro and overview in different paragraphs.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: 'career preparation' - reasons why people attend to schools [6]


a subject and verb agreement.
Write: These universities play | The university plays


write: a library | libraries


In order


Furthermore

Many attention to basic grammar.

Writing Feedback / IELTS academic task one .. bar chart - coffee and meat consumption [5]

Make sure you have a clear intro and an overview, by writing them in different paragraphs.

Compare and contrast between the red and blue bars. Let me give a try: The highest meat consumption is recorded by USA with 122 kg per person. However, overall numbers of Americans consuming coffee only show 4 kg in a year.

Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY; Some people believe that cell phones should be for personal use only [2]


even this essay opens for discussion/ both views. It is nicer if you end this introduction by stating your clear statement.


a person uses cell phone for office purpose like interacting with client and talkS

Writing Feedback / Oil discovery has been most beneficial for people in Iran [6]


is followed by but also as pair conjunction


this needs subject and verb agreement


make sure that each paragraphs contains one specific example. To have this one, you'd better focus on journalistic questions, by asking these: how many? what? who? when? result? By this, I am sure that you can write a specific example. Good luck