Writing Feedback / TOEFL: 'career preparation' - reasons why people attend to schools [6]


Nowadays


this is followed by a noun.


are you sure this is the part of the idea asked?

This essay contains 550 words. Writing more words will not help you earn a good score. You'd better focus on cohesion and cohesive.

Writing Feedback / International aid is a must but also it is required to operate in the right way [4]

not only is the international aid is indispensable but also it is required to be operated in the rightappropriate way


make sure you write the task of this essay. While some essays are written with comparison and contrast or discussion, some others are in problems and solutions. By this, it will make readers easy to give you more feedback

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Effects of technology to communication - dangers for a society [7]


I always pay particular attention to these areas (owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/600/01/):
Transitional words
Be careful about placement of subordinate clauses
Use active voice
Use parallel constructions
Avoid noun strings
Avoid overusing noun forms of verbs
Avoid multiple negatives
Choose action verbs over forms of to be
Avoid unclear pronoun references

Then, I use this site: wordcounttools(dot)com to test my readability level

Hope this help :D

Hope this helps

Writing Feedback / [IELTS TASK 2] Several languages die out in the world [4]


If you know, then why don't edit before submitting it?


I find that this paragraph presents serious problem with the flow.


write local vernacular


a high degree of communication skills


Remember, that collocation is perfect accuracy, NOT great accuracy

Writing Feedback / IELTS: bar chart - average retirement age among seven countries in 2004 and 2008 [5]


Most students write an overview after introduction. The overview is written with two sentences.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Technological progress in the past century has its negative effect, despite its remarkable [3]

I like the way you present this writing, adequate flow. However, it is nicer if you could state your opinion in the end of introduction.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 2: studying overseas can be difficult at first, but gaining experience make it worth it [7]


It is nicer if you state your opinion in the end of the introduction even this opens for discussion.


This is too general as an example. Ask journalistic questions (who, how many, when, what, result) to specify your example.


Here is an example of adequate flow: Conversely, I think that students encouraged to study overseas are more likely to experience wider culture.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Effects of technology to communication - dangers for a society [7]

I didn't see you write a strong thesis statement. If you could, rewrite this introduction.


This lacks topic and supporting sentences. Remember, clarity is the number one.


let me give a try: Another possible negative implication is how people become disconnected to society, in particular our own community. If people keep on staying with electronic devices, the chances to interact one another would be vanished.

Writing Feedback / Technological improvement has always two sides, benefits and drawbacks [5]

Some vocabularies and sentences interrupt the flow.
You need a concluding signal. This is strictly necessary, you know.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'The apple never falls far from the tree' - Parents should teach children [10]

For this essay, I think one body paragraph is not enough to cover all the question from the prompt. Write two body paragraphs.
Para 1:


Para 2:



Make sure you write very specific example. This can be started by using journalistic questions: what, who, where, when, result, how many... By this, I believe that you will present a detail example. Good luck :D

Writing Feedback / Toefl : Begin learning a foreign language as soon as starting school [5]


This sentence is too long and contains much vague information when it comes to an opening paragraph.
according to a research, it demonstrates that atResult shows the age of 5-10 is the period of remembering and analyzing.


I consider


can result

Writing Feedback / Ielts: The world has seen an enormous increase in flights for leisure, business [5]


This is called "two questions to answer'. If you this type of the question, what you should do is to answer all points. If it is not, you may miss the point of task responses.


Could please show which part of this sentence is categorized as the main sentence? I see you merely write some clauses.

Writing Feedback / (IELTS) Studying abroad is a trend among university students in Turkey [5]

I see you write very good. However, you miss few points. Let's say: you use many contracted forms, such as



.., etc. As a result, vocabularies build look weak.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Abortion Should Be illegal? People should think of the consequences [4]


While some people suppose that abortion should be legal, some others are against it due to some reasons. Therefore, I personally feel that abortion should be illegal because of its affection on mother's mental and physical and the humanity.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2 - Some people say that the Internet is making the world [5]


two main sentences run together. This is bad grammar.


This also has the same issue. Run-on sentences.

Writing Feedback / Parents should have much time for their children which are lonely sometimes [5]

It is sometimes hard to share writing feedback if you don't include a complete hook. Secondly, when you open a new paragraph, leave one line. Then, follow Dumi's instruction is a must. By this, you help readers follow what you have written.

Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY: Computers - What things will they be used for in the future? [8]

First of all, computers are helping us helps people to save our time and it is also help us to maintain environment green due its ability of paperless working.


this sentence needs more details.


This is not a clear example I think. Create the example using journalistic questions: who? how many? what? when? where? result?

Writing Feedback / Young people should spend time on traveling before beginning their studies [4]




Write with upper-case letters


As a concluding signal, this phrase is not appropriate. Write: In conclusion,

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL essay] Internship prepare students better for their careers [6]

Also doing internship programmes in the university also helpS students have some soft skills, such as team working, colleague communication, negotiation, and risk management.which are helpful in working environmentsuch as team working, colleague communication, negotiation, risk management ... these essential skills can be getlearnt only when they work in the real life, and cannot be trainedwhich is not in any book.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS Task 2] Text messages or phone calls; I prefer talking on the phone [3]


sentence fragment


a subject and verb agreement


how can you draw this as a conclusion ?


faulty punctuation

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1. Chocolate production sequences [3]

Hello Natalia1988..., where is the picture? attach the picture, which helps readers understand what you have described above. In task 1, write an overview, instead of a conclusion. For process diagram, the overview begins with the number of stages in the process and how it begins and ends. Here is an example:

Overall, there are six stages in the process, beginning with harvesting the cacao beans and culminating in chocolate bars.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS task2] Job for a few years between school and university [7]


If you look at all the prompts of IELTS task 2 more closely in Cambridge IELTS Student's Book, then you will have this instruction: "Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience." This indicates that stating an example is a must . Have a look at how the specific example is used in a paragraph:

Many everyday practices are now performed by machines instead of people and this has resulted in less need for labour. For example, in recent decades nearly all major banks have replaced telephone operators with telephone switchboards that have recorded messages an all bank now have automated teller machines (ATMs). This reduces the need for people to visit the bank itself and has resulted in a corresponding decrease in the need for bank staff. As bank and other similar businesses strive for profit, this is likely to increase unemployment further in the future.

This paragraph uses journalistic questions to construct an specific example. Here are:

Who? - banks
How many? - nearly all
When? - over the last few decades
What? - replaced need for telephone operators and bank tellers
How? Using switchboards and ATMs
Result? - people don't need to visit the bank and less staff needed.


If you could, then you'd better read as many samples of IELTS writings in this website as you can to improve your writing skills. Result shows that reading the samples not only gives students some new ideas about different topics, but it also improves their grammatical mechanics and vocabularies.

Hope this help :D

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2. Less Homework Means Less Stress for Children [3]

For me, you need more evidence to prove the claims


by answering these: "why children given excessive amounts of homework are more likely to suffer both mentally and emotionally and how other useful skills affect successful study"


Are you sure this can be categorized as one of the academic words?

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: permit of women to run career in army must be supported [5]

Better organize arguments from weak to strong/ from less important to more important. Additionally, however, some essayists often acknowledge and then refute the counter arguments against their positions. This shows that the they understand the issue broadly and has already considered other opinions.

A typical simple outline could look like:
I. Intro

II. Important argument
A. Support for
B. More support for
C. Counter argument
1. Response

III. More important argument
A. Support for
B. Counter argument
1. Response
2. Another response

IV. Conclusion

Writing Feedback / [IELTS task2] Job for a few years between school and university [7]


I see you've stated many general points here and there. Therefore, this interrupts the flow. Possible solution: Focus on one idea. Then, explain it more details. Let me give a try:

There is certain amount of necessary groundwork to do, of course, before young people are able to reach the decision to acquire their academic skills. An obvious example of this can be seen from how some undergraduate applicants from Indonesia have their allowance from a 6-month program of Au Pairs in Australia. They could settle small yearly sums to open saving accounts, something which is extremely important to promote financial independence. Also, they are able to secure a place at one of the most prestigious educational institutions, while broadening their knowledge of the world of work. Ultimately, I would argue convincingly that this can be a wise choice for some others before acquiring knowledge and learning skills in university.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Governments and people both should help lower traffic growth and pollution [4]

If you examine the prompt given more closely, then you will see that you are being asked to discuss openly the general information. Therefore, I think this part:


is off-topic. This discussion is all over the globe.


This would be nice if you compose this paragraph using:
Topic sentence:
Firstly, (supporting idea)
Example, (an obvious example of this can be retrieved from: who? what? how many? when? where? result?
second idea (supporting idea)
Finally, (supporting idea)


If I were you, I would mention two measures, which are from government and individuals


I know this concluding signal from students all over the world. However, this is not allowed in IELTS.
Use the simple one: In conclusion..., Given this evidence,... etc.

Overall, you write good.

Writing Feedback / Some Certain jobs are suitable for men/women because of their capabilities [4]


when you present an example, make sure you write specifically. This ca be done by asking these points:
How many? How? When? Why? What? and Results. By doing this, you prevent stating a vague example.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2 - Some people say that the Internet is making the world [5]

Well, I think you need more work to improve your introduction. Simply write background information related to the topic given. By this, you can paraphrase the prompt. Then introduce your opinion ( as a thesis statement). If you could, then write a hook, to attract people attention.

Let me give a try:


Internet improves people's communication in all parts of the world. For some people, they say that internet has made the world a much smaller place. For some others, they believe that internet has made people easy to communicate each other. Therefore, I agree that the rise internet will encourage people to participate in faster communication.

Writing Feedback / Ielts exam; letter - item of clothing was left in the hotel [2]

Last week (a comma) I visited your city and lived in your hotel. As I was in hurry to catch my flight, I forgot to takeleft my T-shirt,

Writing Feedback / IELTS General Training - Letter Writing - job at a football club [5]


Well, I think the best way to have meaningful feedback is to write and copy your essay here. Readers are hard to a picture. It's too small.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Music makes our lifes magical and meaningful [7]

1. It is 245 words. Make sure you write at least 250 words.


2. To write an introduction, you should state background information related to the topic given and a thesis statement. If you could, then write a hook.

Let me give a try:
Today, roughly twenty three types of music bringing enjoyment to millions listeners can be found around the world. While some people enjoy the popularity of international music, some others preserve traditional music for strong traditions. In my view, I believe that people should appreciate music as a key hub of maintaining their real life.

3. For the next essay, leave one line every time you open a new paragraph. This helps your readers identify how good the paragraph(s) you have.

4. You need more work to discuss this issue:


.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay Task 2: entertaining and educational functions of Museums [7]


Even the prompt opens for discussion/ both views, there is no harm to give your opinion ( as the thesis in the last sentence)
Let me give a try:
Museums save many stories. For some people, museums should present high entertainment values. For some others, museums are built to educate people. Both views have different perspectives. In my opinion, museums as an ideal destination to see historical sites save much of the culture of human's life.

Writing Feedback / IELTS : 'domestic usage for all technology gradually increased' - graph [7]

Where's the picture? It is hard to share meaningful feedback if there is no picture attached


turning to the chart

Writing Feedback / Food can be produced more cheaply today because of fertiliser and better machine [3]


I highlighted keywords to be discussed. In this essay, I did not see the question has been fully answered. Here are some ideas for negatives effects on local communities:

Menial works in arable fields-> relying on machines -> pollution and idleness

Writing Feedback / Ielts ; Why more people are traveling than ever before? [3]


Well, no right or wrong where to put your opinion. However, I would recommend you put the opinion in the introduction ( as the thesis of course, in the last sentence). Also, it always includes the complete prompt with your essay. This helps readers understand what it tells about and share meaningful feedback.


This paragraph is too simple. You need more discussion. Let's say: why many budget hotels offered..., What kinds of bed, breakfast, and Inn travellers/tourists prefer?

Writing Feedback / Topic: If i had 3 days to live; 'hypnosis for memory' [5]

It is not about what material profits that I can get from him or her. It is about, but how much he or she is willing to give up for me.

I would not and would not have to know

Writing Feedback / Ielts - fast food is good or bad? [10]

When you deal with IELTS, the first thing the assessor sees is your layout, which shows whole of your essay. If the layout is difficult to read, which is let's say: no spaces between paragraphs, then he/she immediately knows your writing needs more work to read.

Hence, I suggest you to leave one space every time you open a new paragraph.

Writing Feedback / Ielts: apology letter - 'evenings noise' [4]

You write quite well, but the number of words written are under 150. This may get penalized. To solve this, it is always good to have these specific points into your paragraphs: Explain the reason for the noise, Apologize, and Describe what action you will take.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL - automobiles have changed our lives [3]

Notes:
1. For introduction, your task is to show a background information related to the topic given. Then, write a strong thesis statement. Build the bodies of paragraph with a topic sentence + a real example as to support the topic sentence. Make sure you combine the sentence between simple and compound-complex sentences. By doing this, you will earn a good score.

2. Your layout shows whole of your essay. If the layout is difficult to read, which is let's say: no spaces between paragraphs, then readers immediately think your writing needs more work to read. I suggest you to leave one space every time you open a new paragraph.

3. Tips for commas: read one of your sentences aloud and see where you would naturally pause, where you would draw a breath. If it's a short pause, like that just was, you probably need a comma.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL ESSAY - center for business vs agriculture (farming) research choice [3]

this intro needs improvement. Let me give a try:
University provides students facilities to study and to research. Some people believe that university should have a center for business research while others say that a center for research in agriculture is more important. Both views have merits and demerits. In my view, fund for infrastructure and educational programs helps students conduct more research on those subjects


You need to rewrite this area. It contains a bad grammar