Writing Feedback / Teachers obligations are much greater that can be summarized only in compliment and punishment [9]

The writer states thatAccording to the writer , the best way to teach includes two major points, is to acclaiming positive actions and ignoreing negative ones. I do not agree with thethis assertion utterly and I believe that it needs to be discussed widely.

First and foremost, praising or ignoring is only one a part of teachers obligationresponsiveness to the students, soand therefore theyit cannot necessarily be counted as the best waysof teaching .

Nowadays, teachers are looking for finding the best methods to teach students. ----------- In my view, this sentence does not add any meaning to your essay at this point becuase it looks as just a statement without any description for the reader to agree with you.

Writing Feedback / Could you live without TV? - Toefl iBT [4]

Nowadays television has become an essential thinginfor every family. Televisions havesure play an important role in people's everyday livelifewhereand some people allocate a considerable portion ofactually plan their time in front of television forto watch their favorite TV shows when they plan their day . SoAlthough TV has made a significant influence on our lives , could we actually live without tv it? My answer is yes.

Writing Feedback / An IELTS Essay - Cam8 test2 task2 - technology and communication [3]

In the present age,dD ue to the rapid development of technology, a great transformationhas been placeoccurs in the ways of communication between individuals.

Personally, I think the influence to the types of relationships is vary.--------- I dont get your idear here. What are you trying to say?

Obviously, the innovationinvention of telephone ismade the first remarkable change in communication meansmethodsbrought by the boost of technology , wich alteredby introducing a more convenient way to connect with people in contrast to the traditional ways of contact between the relatives and friends--mail, such as paying visits, writing letters and sending telegraphic messages or visit by costly transport. -------------This sentence is too long and therefore your ideas dont flow nicely to give the reader a clear picture of what you try to say. I suggest;

The invention of telephone brought in remarkable changes to the ways that people used to connect with each other. For example, before the telephone was invented there were only limited number of ways that people could communicate with their relatives and friends; they had to write letters or send telegraphic messages or physically visit others. However, telephone not only offered a more convenient and cost effective solution to communicate with each other across the globe, it further conqured the major barriers in communication such as time and geographical barriers.

Writing Feedback / "training is more important than natural talent?" - IELTS WRITING TASK [3]

Firstly , people can reach in their high levelsbest heights by doing proper scientific training and practice. By training on regular basis they can removeimprove on their weaknesses as well as developfurther sharpen their skills and abilities, because it'sit is often said that practice makes a man perfect. Secondly, if a talented person does not take proper training or unable to know how to use his talent, he wold not be successful ever .

For example, Beethoven is considered one of the greatest musicians of all time though he was a deaf and unable to tastefeel and enjoy his own works. butHowever, hisGg od gifted talent made him such a renowned musician.

Writing Feedback / Why do we need to study other cultures? [5]

Admittedly, throughout the history , cultural differences leadhave led to misunderstandings , lack ofdis respect and conflicts between countriesdifferent communities . Studying cross culturalsother cultures enables us to benefit from othertheir experiences and helps in developingdevelop a sense of mutual understanding. In today's world it is necessary to study other cultures in order to minimize differences, create harmony between societies, benefit from each other and avoid coflicts. The main goal of this essay is to illuminate some good aspects of culutral studies

---------------- In this introductory para, some of your ideas sound repetetive. This is my suggestion;
Thoughout the history, cultural differences had been a main root cause for misunderstandings, racial discrimination and ethnic conflicts. Therefore it is important to encourage people to respect other cultures and appreciate co-existance in order to build a society in which people live in peace and harmony. Studying other cultures is one of the best ways for the people to understand cultural differences constructively and respect other cultures.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Government-sponsored space travel wasted money and effort of our generation [2]

Spaced travel, likeenormousthe dream of scientists, has made a great achievementwas achieved when the spaceman had the first stepped on the moon in 1960s for the first time in history of mankind .

However, behind the space travel, there are very heavy investments made by governments . Such expenditureswill over invest result in several problems.

First of all, travel space travel requiresneedgovernments to invest huge money to on establishing institues, construct machine and cultivate amount ofemploy scientists to carry on continuous research .

Writing Feedback / TOEFL - Humans have feelings, and because of this, they are easily manipulated by grades [4]

Teacher gives students assignments and tests in order to measureassess their capability of childrenas well as to measure his/her ability to teach students.-------------------- Assignments and tests are meant to assess the student's knowledge. However, I doubt whether they serve the purpose of assessing teacher's performance aswell. Just think about this point!!

Due to In this method of teaching, teacher is forced to give grades to the students grades based on these academic measurementhow they have displayed their knowledge . I personally believe that grades encourage students to learn and do their beststudies seriously because of several reasons which I would mentioned below.

First of all, humans are naturally competitive in every way of lifetheir behaviour . They compete for job, food, shelter, weatlth and even power in politics As they compete, there will always be thea winner and thea loser. As the winner wins, he/she will work even harder to maintain its winning position. But, what happens to the loser? He/she will also get motivated to work harder becauseto be rid of the embarrassment of losing to the winner . The same casescenario applies to the academic life too . As the grades are given by the teachers, both students who get good grades and bad ones , willwould study harder and indeed learn more. ------------------- Very good point

The second reason comes from the parents.is that eE very parent does not want their children to get bad grades. If their children get onedont perform academically well , their parentsthey will be disappointed or evenand sometimes even can be angry. This situation may bring the idea of having a private teacher for them.They would make every attempt to improve the gradings of their childrenBb y havingtaking alternatives such as employing private tutors for the subjects that the children have lower gradings.another teacher apart from their official teachers in class, they will be forced to study.

GOOD LUCK!!

Writing Feedback / [Toefl] best methods to get teenagers accustomed to adult life is part-time job [3]

You write well and really dont have to worry much about TOEFL. Just have a look at my suggestions below;

However, I don't believe part-time jobs would serve as effectively as some peoples predicts, and there are a couple of alternative options that could be taken as better replacements.

Admittedly, part-time jobs would relieve the financial pressure of the adolescents, and give them the general pictureunderstanding aboutofwhat adult liveslifecouldbe .

These positions are most likely to be taken asa part-time jobs , which cost you a large amount ofconsume a lot of tim e and effort withcompared to the limited payment they offer to a teenager. There is an interesting story in the film titled, "Cash back", which tells about a boy working as an a part time assistant as a part-time job in the a supermarket at midnightsnights . In this short film,This filmhe triedattempts to give a philosophical interpretation of what he does, which is merely exchanging his own time for money.

GOOD LUCK!

Writing Feedback / 【TOEFL】Should governments spend as much money as possible on space exploration? [8]

Your intro is very impressive. I like it! Just a small suggestion, which I believe is more reasonable;

..., states should neveravoid incurring unduly high costs on thisthese projects .

... employees who got fired because ...

... change our lives,-------------------- great!

... will help to change ...

You write well! Be confident and go for a flying score!

Writing Feedback / Ielts taks2: Father should share, parenting work more equally with woman. agree or no [3]

Anikka has provided you a good suggestion. I thought of adding my suggestions to it;
Firstly , it is also said that fathers and mothers should be major in their roles, men earn money while women look after their children so as to avoid stress and achieve a good balance between family and work life .

They only may do big things in the society in order to promotefacilitate financeialrequirements of the family as well as their position in the society.

To illustrate theseThis way, the children can grow naturally because of feelingget the opportunity to receive love and care from both 2 sides parents : fathers and mothers.

Furthermore, this may help tomakebridge the gap closer between fathers and their children, especially with the sons, by giving them more chances to understand each other better--------------good point

Writing Feedback / Do you think parents are the best teachers. Toefl IBt wrting excercise [4]

When it comes to questions like thisthese , a definition is needed to tell us what the best teacher is in the first place.

If I am to give my version of answer , I would go with the definition that the best teacher is one who can teacher the most effectively and who themselves always want todo dedicate themselves to ensure a good progress of their students.In this connection, parents may not be called the best teacher always .

Firstly , parents are admittedly the ones with the most caring spirits to us . Mothers gives birth to usher children and wegrow up accompanied by the cares and instructions given by parents all along till they leave usboth parents go through lots of hardships and make many sacrifices in bringing their children up and make them a bright future.

Writing Feedback / Television for children. bad and good influences [6]

In my opinion, television is a good tool, if we chooseto educate children . Children can acquire a great knowledge by watching TVtheeducational programs such as ``Animal planet``, ``Discovery``, or sport channels. Especially sport channels are very good and educational, and theyinspire children to admire sports and motivate children to practice a sportdo sportsor to reach their goal in life .

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] What are the best ways of reducing stress? 'I prefer doing exercise' [4]

I think theways of reducingdoing physical exercises is the best way to reduce stress exercise . My reasons are as follow as.

I didn't bewas not used to exercise before I went to workstarted working . ------ It's good if you pay more attention to your grammer.

At that time, I didn't thinkknow exercise cancould make me to be strengthstrongand physically fit to handle everythingthings in life.

However, in one day my boyfriend invited me goingto go to a sports center because he bought a lot of tickets . ---- The part in green seems irrevelant and tends to confuse the reader.

When I wanted to try running one kilometer, I found I couldn't affordhandle it.---- the word afford is usually associated with money.

In that time I had this kind of experience, and I want toThen I realized that I should do something to overcome this situationproblem .

Writing Feedback / Television for children. bad and good influences [6]

Undoubtedly, in time, they get influenced by it and the problem is if that's a good or badwhether this influence is good or bad .

As sometvTVhas good and bad channels telecast programs that can have a negative impact on young minds , hencewatching TV sometimes can be very dangerous for children. I think the family has aadults need to have a greater huge influence in their children's choice of TV programs in order to avoid adverse effects they can cause in young children.

Writing Feedback / IELTS; Fonton and Meadowside Maps [4]

The des cription areis presented infor three periods, 1962, 1985, and now. In general, the condition of two regions is much better now than two previous periods.

In 1962, there was no road connecting both villages. Therewerecondition was very quiet no business activityiesand no public landscapetaken place during this period.

However, in 1985 there washad been significant changes, specifically in Meadowside, covering thesuch asbuildingof bigconstrucion of new road, improvement of public services, and now housing projects . In addition, there were two largeother main roads had been constructed , one to unifyconnect the two villages and the other to give afacilitate services in Meadowside

Writing Feedback / Ielts - use of nuclear technology should be discouraged even for civil purposes [4]

The topic of nuclear technology frequently generates a heated debate withamong proponenets maintaining that nuclear power provides a source of efficient and economical energy while opponents argue that atomic technology is uncontrollable and very dangerous to handle.

For example, recently there has been an incident in which an atomic power house leaked tons of radio active material into air when an earthquake hit the surrounding area. ----------------- Why dont you be specific about this example which would help convince the reader more. Say it happened in Japan.

Last but not least, while generating energy from any source be itsuch as hydro power or oil , there always is some wastage and so is the case with nuclear power.

You have an interesting way of presenting your ideas. Also your English writing is quite high standard. I think you will go for a very good score at IELTS. GOOD LUCK!

Writing Feedback / Sex education should be a compulsory part of the secondary curriculum [5]

In bygone days,many people regarded sex as a taboo suject and refrain from talking about it towith their teenagers children. -------- I changed it slightly hoping to add more effect.

However,with the sexual problem seeing the red light in adolescent,the pendulum seems to have swung the other way .People are becoming more comfortable to talk about sex now and suggest that sex education should be made a compulsory part of the secondary curriculum .In this essay,I would like to examine the pros and cons about thethis suggestion. --------------------- Your intro is very impressive

With the news about young girls becoming unmarried mothers,teenagers perfroming one-night stands,people in their early teens being infected with AIDS,etc,it is imperative to put sex education into a compulsory part of the secondary curriculum.Our younger generation, which is sexually-open yet sexually-ignorant, haveneed to be instilledencouraged to understand and respect the appropriate value of sex into their mind .

Appropriate sex education in school has a great impact on preventing sexual problems in puberty.PeopleChildren in puberty, tend to be curious about the opposite sex,and prone to be victimsfall preyto of sexually transmitted diseases easily owingdue to their scantinadequate knowledge ofabout sex.

I enjoyed reading your essay. You have good ideas, a good flow and an interesting writing style.

Writing Feedback / Topic: "Why go to university?" - making dreams come true? [2]

GreatdealsLarge number of student go to universities per year in order to have a healthy and active environment,obtainacquire knowledge and acquire , gain exposure andobtain a degree while having the opportunity to study in an environment of intellectuals which benefits students in many ways.

Thus, it is essential to applyto receive university education when students want to have a better future.

Writing Feedback / Promoting healthy life style to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment [2]

With the development of technology, there are plenty of medical efforts have been made, which are more effective and safer than before.-------------you need to use comparative forms when you say "than before"

Some people believe that it is more significantimportant for governments to allocate money to promoteing healthy lifestyle to have a preventionof illnesses while others believe that they should spend more on treatment of the people who are already ill .

Writing Feedback / About Water - Water is the most important in our world [5]

Water is a natural resource in theon Earth. Water is essential toour life also, such as water can solve our thristy problem, water can make us survivefor human existance., waterand is used tocan clean our body, water can recharge s our body from fatigue, and water can revitalise our skin. According to scientistficinvestigationresearch studies , 70% of our body mass areis made of water.Therefore, water is very important to us.-------You use the word, "water" too many times in this para which should be avoided.

Although water is essential to our life, (This you have repeatedly said in the first para) However, we will lose water everyday also .How we lose our water? We can lose water through perspiration, respiration and bowel movement. For example, regular exercising will start perspiration which isby way of sweating and respiration.

Undergraduate / The more time people use the internet, the less time they spend with real human being [10]

With the advent of the latest technologies, now Internet is assessableaccessible not only through computers but also through mobile phones, providing an easy and convenient access to the web. -----------note; assessable means quantifiable, measurable etc.

In correlation to that, a research has brought in to light that the more time people surf the Internet, the lesser is the time they spend with humans.

Though admittedly web is a great place for socializing and acquiring knowledge , it can also pose negative impacts on human interactions.

A study by the UNICEF shows that social networking websites have been voted as the fastest and easiest method of generating friendships compared to other methods such as sending letters, having telephone conversations etc.

Nevertheless, looking from the another perspective, the more people spend their time online communicating with others from any part of the world, undoubtedlyinternet , the lesser iswould be the time they spent with their families and friends------- I did this change because I felt your sentence is a bit too long and your ideas are getting repeated.

most parents agree that their children tend to be so enthralled in chatting, so that peelingthemdiverting their attention away from the computer can prove towould become a complicated task.

Your writing is of high quality. You would certainly not have a problem at IELTS. I gave above suggestions, thinking they help improve your essay further.

Letters / "an epitome of a responsible" - Letter of recommendation by employer - graduate [4]

Here are my suggestions for your first para ;

It is with great privilegeplesure that I write to you in recommendation of Mr. Rajesh for his graduate studies at your university. As a Vice President of [Company name] company, Mr. Rajesh is beingis working with our company for almost two years in the capacity of a Vice President. His post asand performs the duties of a quality engineer. was superbly madeIn terms of performance, he actively and willingly does his duties and responsibilitiesHe is a dynamic, responsible and commited employee who made commendable contributions to the success of our company.

Writing Feedback / Toefl: grades based solely on exams or based more on class participartoin [4]

Grades which are based on both exams and class participation are more trustworthy for estimateassessing student performance because this technique is fairer and enhance students' attention on class.looks after both technical and practical aspects of student evaluation

Writing Feedback / TOEFL - should boys and girls learn in separate classrooms? [8]

While some believe that students should be educated with different instructing methods according to their gender, I disagree with this point of view with thedue to following reasons.

Firstly , boys and girls have a different set of thinking methodspatterns., so Therfore, by staying in the same classstudying together in the same class room , they can learn from each other's thinking skills and thus improve their own critical thinking methods.

In my view, co-educational system provides both genders an opportunity to understand and respect each other better. This would help create a better society by discouraging gender discrimination.

Writing Feedback / Pets are deserved to be behaved like the true family members? [5]

These pets not only bring happiness to their owner but also make our society become better and better . ---------- this sentence would be stronger if you say how they benefit the society (such as by providing securtiy, companionship etc.) rather than just saying it is better for the society.

First and foremost, pets as well as humans have their own emotions and feelings .

However, I alwaysoften forgot to feed him and just kept him in a cage. One week later,because of my neglegence and uncaring naturehecame down with a serious illnessit soon became ill andpassed awaydied . After that, I felt extremelyThis incident made me very depressed and discouragedguilty . From my personal angle,From then onwards, I strongly feel that animals areidenticalto all oftoo have feelings, just like human beings,us and need to be cared for. Unless we are heedful ofdont pay attention to them, they will feel sad, frustrated and even interfereirritated and angry with us all the time .

On the contraryother hand , pets will become the reliable and friendly family members if we spend time playing or chatting with them, pets will become themore reliable and friendly family members. ---------I changed the order of your sentence thinking it would convey your idea better.

Therefore, all theit is important that we should make efforts to care for our pets such as promoting to have aexpressing our attention like building pets' care center, and making friends and so forth are extremely essentialwith them .

Writing Feedback / Should studying subjects that are needed by society be promoted? [5]

amroca;
The arts scene is actually popular and it's being promoted because everyone thinks that "Education is the future." so a lot of money is being pumped into it. I don't feel like music and literature and fashion are being neglected.

I too feel the same way.

Writing Feedback / Should studying subjects that are needed by society be promoted? [5]

In most countries, professions such as doctors, lawyers and accountants are always in high demand whereas people who work in fields related to the Arts, such as music, fashion and design and literature, are considered by many to contribute less to societal development.---------------- This sentence is too long and therefore it disturbs your flow of ideas. My advice is to avoid writing very lenghty sentences .

Just have a look at this point;
The society itself is very dynamic and therefore the demand for careers are subject to constant change. For example, a country may have a dire need for doctors for the next three years. However, in the fourth year, the fasion designers may take that place. Therefore if governments are going to adopt such a policy, it would be a very tedious exersise; such a policy would require close monitoring together with flexibility to change the fields frequently. This may sometimes lead to unnecessary issues such as political and social issues .

Undergraduate / "living in 'Thailand' ever since I could remember" - admission essay to UM [3]

Three years ago while I was going to graduate from my junior-high school, I could still remember the exact moment ofwas a timid introvertedlittle girlcharcter who was only focused on the same cliché routine of life that includinged attending awhole lots ofmany extra tutoring classes after school. ------------ I did these changes with the hope of improving clarity of your message to the reader.

Writing Feedback / "Those who use drugs should be automatically sentenced to time in prison" - IELTS [3]

First of all, I do agree that some of the addicts do turn over a new leaf at the prison. Nevertheless, once they return to the society, they tend to relapse and get involved in drugs again. This is because, in the prisons, there would not be any rehabilitation programs or talkstheropy that can enlighten and transformthem about the ill effects of drugs andas well as change their perspectives towards drugs existing perception of drugs. As such, all the efforts of putting them behind bars are simply in vain. Instead, if the addicts are sent to rehabilitation centres, they will be treated for their addiction. On top of that, counselors can provide them with counseling and motivationto motivate and help them build a new life. ----------You present your argument strongly. Very good.

Writing Feedback / Toefl: Children should learn to handle money - benefits for the whole society. [12]

No, you dont have any reason to be ashamed of the way you write. Its quite good. English is not our mother tongue and therefore we are not perfect in writing English which is no reason to be ashamed of. What we should do is try to learn from every mistake and continue to improve. I found some good sentences and ideas in your essay.

For instance, I taught my children to "bank" with three different jars. One is checkingcurrentaccount , one is savingsaccoun t and the last one is CDCertificate of Deposit . With different interests I paid to them for each jar , they now know that how to spilt themir money intobetween these three different kinds of accountsand how they canin order tomakemoney in this wayearn the maximum interest . PlusFurther , there is a bonus to teach them math!this enabled me to teach them mathematics more effectively .--------"Plus" is commonly used when we speak. "Further" is a better word to use in writing.

Writing Feedback / Toefl: Children should learn to handle money - benefits for the whole society. [12]

Depending on personal experience, personality type and emotional concerns, people have different attitudes towards the argument that children should learn to manage their money at young age or not, which is undoubtly a hot topic for a long time .----I suggest that you should stop at that point without lengthening it further; longer the sentence lesser the clarity would be.

First, teaching children how to manage money at young age is a good waything for them to learn to get a sense of its value of the money , which is very important for them to be financial responsible in managing finances when they grown ups .

For example, children usually get the money from their parents and without knowing how hard it is to earn the money. Because of this , they tend to spend moneyat will without thinking too muchunnecessarily . However, if with theadults help of adults, let them have a plan for spending such aswith themoneythey have what percentage they should save for his best friend's birthday, what percentage he should plan for a football game and what percentage he can spend to buy the things he wants. With this kind of training , then the children will learn more about sending the money with plan, this will benefit for them when they grow up, and they will know there should be some money saved for the raining days.would learn to spend money carefully while understanding the value of it. This would certainly train them to manage finances effectively as they grow up.

Writing Feedback / Is image more powerful than the written word? - ielts [5]

Firstly , pictures can influence the way people think.

Apart from that, images are also widely used in newspapers, magazines and advertisements to compliment their written articles.

To conclude, both images and words go hand in hand and one cannotwholly emphasise on only one aspect, either images or wordsit is hard to say one is more important than the other . Hence, for a more meaningful communication, these two elements have their respective roles to play: image to exemplify and arouse the interest of what is written in words that have the ability to describe a particular subject in depth .

You write so well. I only added a few ideas hoping they would help you further improve your writing. I'm sure you are going to get a flying score at IELTS.

GOOD LUCK!!

Undergraduate / "a higher understanding of engineering" - NASA Inspire Application Essay [3]

Your description about how NASA would be benefited by your participation does not seem to be very convincing. Try to add more ideas and make it a strong case. Some help;

* you talk about diversity that you are going to add. Since NASA has a very diverse team tell them that how you can benefit them further. Do some research about their team and find out reasons that can support your argument.

* I do not know whether "competitiveness" is the most appropriate word to use. Hope a moderator would help you regarding this. However, you can capitalize on your enthusiasm and "never give up" attitude that would help drive your team forward when they drop motivation.

Writing Feedback / toefl writing: people holding different views cannot achieve success? [3]

There are people for a same purpose gathering together to form a team. -------- This is a confusing sentence. The reader cannot get a clear idea about what you are trying to say.

It's only one faith existing that could ensure the stable development of a team and it's actually a better way to pull together to fulfill the target that set up clear goals.------------ If you make your sentences shorter and simpler, you would have a better flow of ideas. When you try to say many ideas in one sentence, you would loose track towards the end of the sentence;

A team can progress effectively when its members do not have conflicting views. Such a team could easily focus on one clear goal without wasting time on reconciling clashing ideas.

On the other hand, it's also important that team members acceptto hold others' criticism for building a successful team.
People who accept other's criticism would take a great chancebe able to understand their weaknesses and improve their abilitiesand develop themselves much betterrectify them .

Writing Feedback / [ IELTS ] Children should be encouraged to co-operate or to be competitve? [7]

Some people believe that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged whilst many other, who disagree, point out that children should be taught to be co-operatedco-operate with others. This essay will now lookattempts to highlightat somethe reasons for why and why notagainst encouraginga competition should be encouraged in children.

It cannot be denied that being co-operated can help children developing their soft skills such as team work and negotiation. --------------It's better you try to say this idea in a more simple way giving more emphasis to your main point. For example;

If children do not learn to co-operate with others, they would become very selfish adults in the future. This may certainly be a barrier for them to participate in team work, which is an important aspect of determining the success of one's life and career .

When working , especially in an international company, an employee is usually required to work in aproject with other people of diverse backgrounds . ------------Try to avoid including too much details that deviate from your idea. This may distract the reader's attention.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: should teachers be paid according to the quality of their teaching? [6]

Education is one of thelays the foundationsfor the development of an individual's personality and credibility of an individual . And teaching the students everything they need to know about anything is just one of the major responsibilities of a teacher. But we must admitoften see that some teachers are not good enough to do thatdeliver what is expected from them .

Some teachers are just not that good at teaching.-----This is not grammatically wrong. However, I would suggest you to write this sentence differently to give more emphasis to your point. For example; ;

Some teachers lack teaching abilities .

She just reads out her lectures and it was reallyvery rarely for her to answered our questions without readingreferring to the text book. That type ofSuch teaching doesn't really help students to learn. ------- At this point you can say that teachers should be confident and knowledgeable in order to be effective in what they teach.

There's was also this another professor who only askeds us to pay for something so that we don't have to attend to her classes anymorein order to discourage us attending her classes . (she must be a wiered person)

Because of this, some students loselost their eagernessinterest and got demotivationed to learn because they knowknew they cancould pass examination even without studying if they just paypaid her .----------------- Why don't you write in past tense when you record incidents happened in the past? I think it's important

Writing Feedback / Essay: Most writers of fiction do not earn enough money to live from their writing. [3]

Reading is the important factor of our knowledge and also it is helpstous conduct our life style. Any reading can makehave a positive effect, but it is necessary to reach thehigh quality standards. The writers are the persons who are involvinginvolved in this writing process. Most of the writers write books and then they publish thembook to tofor the public to read . Then writers can earn moneyThey generate their income by selling their writingsthese copies .

ButHowever, depending on the the quality and value of a books , earnings may be varied. These earnings are used for next publications. Government should have the responsibility to provide sufficient financeial assistantce for the book writers, because some may not have enough money for their next publications. I personally think, support from the government should have negotiationbe linked with the writers about the quality of their writings. The quality may dependshould be assessed based on title of the book, vocabulary used, grammar pattern s, and also it depends on what kind of material is going to be used for printingthe book .

Kevin has given you very good advice. Pay attention to what he has suggested!

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Several languages are in danger of extinction [3]

Some people, therefore, harbour a view saying that governments should preserve those by spending allocating some budgets to on efforts to protect them.

First and foremost, it is easy to realize that languages, especially oral languages , are a quite major part of culture of a country.--- good point

It helps people distinguish themselves from otherbetweennations and even regionscommunitiesin a country .

The clearance of minority of language means that a national traditional, customs and habitants do not exist. -----------I get your point. But, prefer if you improve its clarity;

Extinction of minority languages would cause non existance of traditions,customes and habitants of minority communities.

Governments should spend money on keeping and preserving these things for theto support for a rich cultural diversity of cultures which makes our world more interesting. What is more,Moreover , it is a pride of thefor a country withto have a ran ge of cultures which is easy to educate people to love their country moreadd value to its nation and encourage its people to respect co-existance.

You have very good points. GOOD LUCK with IELTS!!

Writing Feedback / IELTS exam: Should children play or study? [6]

Education, like air, food and shelter is really essential to every individual. ---------I have a small problem about treating education as something like air, food and shelter. Air, food and shelter are essentials without which we cannot live and survive. But education is not necessary for one to live. However, without any doubt it is essential for one to be successful in life.

Basically, goingsending children to school should be thea top priority of every parentsfor their children .

When a kid goes to a playground, he meets other kids with the samesimilar interests and that startsis the beginning of a new relationship called friendship whereinaswhen in school, he only calls his peers as "classmates".------------This sentence is too long. Better you split it to two.

InFrom every perspective, I think that " friends" are better than the latter"class mates".

Writing Feedback / "main target is education" - attend college or university for many different reasons. [4]

People attend colleges or universities for several reasons. ButHowever , out of all these reasons, their main objective is tomain target isacquire knowledge through education, this educationwhich wouldcan be usedhelp them succeed in lifefor various purposes, as we need .

Inmy opinionpersonally think there are three main reasons for attending the college or university; It is to add educational qualifications, to have new experience and career development.

This is my suggestion for your intro;
People attend college or university for several reasons. However, I personally think that people attend college or university is mainly to acquire new knowledge and skills, gain exposure and prepare for his or her future career.

When we go to getfor a job interview, they asking about our qualifications. Therefore, I personally think, gain ofobtaining paper qualificationsisare the most important thingsduring the study period inthat a student would obtain from college or university. Most of theMany students tryingstrive to getscore high marks for their final examinations and try to gethigherenhance their competitiveness atpositions from final examinations. They think it might bewoulden able them to get good jobs for them . -------------Try to avoid repetition of the same idea many times. You capitalize on the argument that college and uni helps you increase your credentials and thereby improve your competitiveness in the job market. It is true. But, paper qualifications alone would not make you a successful person, both in life and career. There are other important aspects too, such as opportunities for networking with other, socializing etc., that help people accomplish their aspirations