Writing Feedback / Writing task 1: the diagram of bottled and canned carbonate drink [2]

Look at the diagram. There are 6 titles for the soda making process. For the summary overview, you should have used the titles to give a quick procedural outline to the reader. There is no trending statement for this procedure. There is also incorrect grammar in the first sentence of the summary overview paragraph:

... the way how bottled and canned...

You do not use the correct descriptive words in the essay:
... put in the factory - taken to the factory
Carbonate - carbonate water
syrub - syrup

Sentence structure errors:
and simultaneously be transferred straight forward to the... - and IS simultaneously TRANSFERRED to the...
... in order to amount to an addition to water - ... to add water to the mix

The specific errors you made in word usage and grammar will be the problems that could prevent you from getting a passing score in an actual test.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1 Distribution of water [5]

In the trending statement, it would be better if you do not mention any countries in the latter part if you did not mention any in the earlier part. Rather, use the same fraction reference for both parts of the trending statement. That way the reader is not confused and you show a uniformity in your writing style for that paragraph. Of all of your paragraphs, that one is the least clear in terms of presentation information.

In terms of sentence structure, you should be looking to show a greater GRA skill. The sentences are mostly run-on because they are just long sentences that tend to confuse the reader. The confusion comes to too much information being packed into every sentence. It makes it difficult for the reader to follow. Divide the ideas into individual sentences. That will help you keep the presentation clear within every sentence.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2: Small families [2]

The opening paraphrase turned into a run-on sentence. The second sentence contains 2 different thoughts. That means the first part about your belief that this is a negative development should have been a single sentence, with the reasons stated as a final sentence in the presentation.

You should have been more specific in the outline topic section. It would have been best for your reasoning paragraphs if you had just mentioned potentially harmful situations and depression in relation to isolation. The reference to inconvenience was really the weakest and least believable point of this essay. It is the most under developed presentation which would pull down, rather than increase your score.

The conclusion is improperly formatted. This cannot be a single sentence presentation as you are expected to restate:
- The topic
- Your opinion
- The 2 reasons
- A closing sentence

All of which combine to create a solid reverse paraphrase and concluding recap for the presentation.

Writing Feedback / WRITING PART 1- NUMBER OF BOOKS READ BY MEN AND WOMEN [3]

This isn't a diagram. It is a line chart, or a line graph. A diagram illustrates a series of procedures. A line graph indicates the increase and decrease of a given measurement. The summary overview needs one more sentence. You could have indicated the crossover point of the male and female readers in that section. Based on the measurement provided, abut 9000 men and women read books 2013. Do not forget to include the points from the graph where measurements touch. That is a comparison point required in the essay. That is a main point that is important in the presentation. You should have also indicated that the measurement was based on the thousands of books read.

You seem to have confused yourself as to how to spell one word in particular. Red is a color. Read mrans to peruse written or printed matter. See the difference? Familiarize yourself with words that sound the same but have different meanings. This is known as a Homophone. You should learn the difference because these errors will lower your LR score.

Scholarship / A black kid in America - Questbridge Biographical Essay [3]

It would be better if you started this essay on a hopeful note. Rather than the gloom and doom scenario you presented, use the last part of the essay first. Show your hopefulness in terms of your future. Look towards your own ambitions and how you have managed to get yourself out of the rut that your lot in life tried to trap you in. I specifically like the last paragraph. I believe that it would work very well as the inspirational kick off for your presentation. Don't focus so much on the sad background. If you must discuss it, focus on the inspirational aspect of that event. Explain how the events of your past, your family background, and your skin color have served not to turn you into a victim, but rather, a fighter who knows that the future is what you choose to design it to be for you.

Scholarship / A section manager - My Chevening leadership essay a part of scholarship needs [2]

Okay, you did well explaining your leadership personality based on a test that you took. However, there was no need to discuss your elementary years in such a short presentation in this essay. Additionally, giving a speech is not the same as leading a team, which is what the essay requires. Being an orator does not make you a good leader, it just makes you a good speaker. A good speaker may not be a good leader and vice versa.

For this essay retain the explanation of your leadership personality. Rather than discussing your primary school leadership experience, focus on the way that you led teams to help people fleeing the war in Mosul. That sounds really interesting and truly embodies your ENTJ personality. The problem is that your professional background does not really relate a leadership situation where your personality further stood out. You may wan to reconsider that. Use a conflict situation instead and discuss how your personality helped resolve the problem.

By the way, you cannot use a mix of present and past tense in this essay. All of the discussions take place in the past so stick to the past tense presentations. That way the reviewer will not be confused as to the time frame your experiences are taking place in. The last 2 paragraphs of this essay are unnecessary. You should replace it with a more recent leadership scenario instead. Then close the essay with a reference as to how your company has since recognized your leadership abilities through promotions, awards, or other notable presentations.

Writing Feedback / Writing Ielts part 1 - The table below gives information about the underground railway systems. [2]

I will not review the content of this essay for now. That is because I want to call your attention to the main reason why you may not pass this particular section of the test. This is a 20 minute writing task. As such, you are only capable of writing anywhere from 175-190 words. You have written a 221 word essay. A word count that requires at least 40 minutes to write, regardless of the CBT or pencil test format. You have actually over written this essay. You have over analyzed the presentation and wasted valuable writing time on this task. Next time, please write using a timer. Set it for 20 minutes and make sure that you write the Task 1 essay within the allotted time. That should help you judge exactly how many words you can actually write within the time limit. Remember, the task 1 essay does not require too much analysis. It is more of a data presentation essay than anything else.

Writing Feedback / Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? [2]

Let.s start with the errors that could affect your writing in the actual setting. You wrote too many words for the allotted time. You only have 40 minutes to complete a draft, review, correction, and finalization of your presentation. The advise is, based on the required editing of the content, that you write no more than 275-290 words. Doing so will allow you to complete the aforementioned finalization procedure for the task.

Next error, You did not show a true LR ability in the essay. When considering synonyms for the presentation, you did not change the presentation of the original keywords enough. You still retained the original words air tickets, and groceries. Which means that you did not even try to rephrase that part of the essay. You chose to rely on memorized words instead.

In addition to that, the prompt paraphrase section at the start and the concluding summary at the end both require a 3 sentence minimum presentation. You only have 2 sentences. There was also a failure to give 2 reasons for your outlined topic discussion. The subjects of the reasoning paragraphs should have been presented in that section to complete the sentence requirement.

Now, you took a comparative approach to this essay when the actual presentation should have used the paragraph form of the A/D presentation as indicated by the original instruction. The presentation should have used the following format:

Sentence 1: Advantage topic
Sentence 2: Explanation of perceived advantage
Sentence 3: Reason you oppose this explanation
Sentence 4: Example that proves your opinion
Sentence 5: Additional explanation (optional)

The strength and clarity of your opinion will come from your ability to disprove the advantage claim. Consider the discussion a written debate. Yes, that would be the best way to write this essay. Discuss the pro and con using 2 topics in one reasoning paragraph each.

Writing Feedback / Last weekend you attended the Canada Day community picnic. The event was a potluck, so everyone brou [2]

Kindly remember to include the writing instructions next time. I am not really sure how to review your letter since the writing instructions were not included. Regardless, the writing is choppy, lacks the use of connecting words, and shows a slight problem with your punctuation usage. You need to capitalize a word after a period. Make sure you really wanted to use a period first. If not, then merely delete the period from the sentence. If you think you haven't written your whole thought yet, then do not end the sentence with a period only to continue it without a capitalized first word in the new sentence.

While the English grammar is not perfect and the sentence structure can use more work, you managed to deliver a clear representation of your ideas and sentiments. You should work more on your sentence building exercises. Focus your review for the work you did on this essay on the grammar and clarity rules / usage. Those are the problematic aspects of your presentation. Specifically, study possessive noun usage and how to write it, word usage (myself, not my self) , you should also familiarize yourself with reflexive pronoun usage. Avoid any words that will make your opinion seem uncertain. Do not forget that you are scored on opinion clarity so any uncertain words used means you will lose points when it comes to clarity of your presentation. If you improve on these writing aspects, you should be able to present a better letter the next time you are asked to write one for the Task 1 test.

Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 1/ THE AMOUNT OF ELECTRICITY PRODUCED BY DIFFERENT ENERGY SOURCES TO SUPPLY NY CITY [3]

The presentation is over analyzed. This caused you to write more than the suggested 175-190 words. At 224 words, you have written almost the minimum word count for the Task 2 essay. That leads me to assume that you wrote this essay at almost 40 minutes time allotment instead of the 20 minute specification for this task. Such a long presentation also means that you did not have the time to review, edit, and finalize your content to adhere more to Task 1 specifications. I found 17 errors in your essay covering LR, Grammar, C&C, and spelling errors. Had you written the proper word length and focused on cleaning up your essay from errors, you would not have made that many mistakes, which, when combined, will have the potential to prevent you from achieving a passing score.

For the task 1 essay, say more with less words. Focus only on the presentation of the obvious data, with an analysis thrown in at least once. Twice if possible. You need to use less words because of the time limitation. Go over that time limitation and you will run out of time to complete the more complicated Task 2 essay writing test.

Writing Feedback / Write a reflection report on the group work you've done [3]

I think you will do better with a revised version of this essay. The content is good, but it is not well presented. You should make sure to have an order in the presentation so that it makes better sense to the reader. Make it easier to follow. A potential format for this essay is as follows:

Par. 1:
Start with the introduction of the project. Explain what class it is for. What is the purpose of the assignment? How was it to be completed? How were the restaurants chosen? Explain the Where, What, When, and Why of the project.

Par. 2: Introduce the first restaurant. Discuss how and why the restaurant was chosen. Talk about the cooking process. How the ingredients are chosen and how the overall cooking approach created the flavor.

Par. 3: The tasting. Start with what the group thought. If you thought otherwise, then discuss it there. Explain why your opinion differed and what your personal criteria for the taste test was.

Par. 4: Final analysis. Discuss the difficulties of the project and how it affected the research. Talk about the positive and negative points of the group work. Close with a personal perspective of what you learned through the project and how you hope to apply it to your profession in the future.

Graduate / "Relevant Knowledge/Training Skills" MSc in HR Management admissions essay [3]

Have you read the purpose of this course at the university? You should align your discussion with the specific focus of the masters program. You can best highlight your potential as a student if you can specify your training and seminar in relation to the course specifics. From what I can tell, you haven't really justified the instances when your specific training has helped you within the workplace. Sure you mentioned the title of the course and and that you had a chance to later on use the training on the job. However, it is too vague and does not really illustrate your skills or technique in relation to the training you received. You need to be a bit more specific. I am not sure if you have a limited word count here but you have to work with it if you have one. This is a written interview. So you need to be more specific, add clarity, and make sure you cover all the notable information in your presentation. Right now, I consider this a draft with room to expand the content and improve the presentation.

Writing Feedback / Why do more and more young people want to be celebrities? Write a paragraph of about 140 words [5]

You were asked to write at least 140 words. Did you forget that? You only wrote 137 words. If this were a Task 2 essay, you would have had points deductions based on the minimum word count. Always work towards meeting the word count. That isn't hard to do. If you are using a Word program, the number of words appear at the left hand bottom side of the screen. That should help you keep track. It is always better to write more words than less when you are practicing to write essays, but not during an actual test.

Your essay has conciseness and vocabulary issues that you should have spotted and corrected before considering your writing task completed.

Conciseness:
First of all - First,

Grammar:
I am slightly disagree - disagreeing

Overused expressions also tend to get you a lower score in task 2 writing. Avoid saying:
More and more= Increasingly
All in all = Overall
Different reasons = several reasons

Or other variations as long as they are not overused expressions that can be mistaken for memorized phrases.

Writing Feedback / Investing in preventative measures instead of letting disease happen and then trying to cure [2]

I hope that you were not writing a task 2 essay with this presentation. That is because you only wrote 208 words, which will almost assure you of a non-passing score. There will be too large a percentage point deducted from your presentation based on the 250 minimum word requirement. You should be writing at least 250 words to avoid getting penalized based on word count. The presentation also has several spelling, grammar, conciseness, and vocabulary issues. All of these unchecked errors tells me that you wrote this essay in a rush, never considered the actual discussion requirements, and had no idea that you were required to write at least 250 words. This being your first essay presentation, I will cut you some slack. You need to come back here with another essay. Post the prompt, then your discussion. That way, I can clearly assess your work. Remember, you need at least 250 words for me to properly consider your writing talents.

Writing Feedback / "Language is a way to be connected with the world" Study Plan to Improve Foreign Languages - GKS [2]

Do not exaggerate. As a second grader, you still not have a deep understanding of the importance of knowledge and how it can help your future. Do not set out to over impress the reviewer. You will fail and irritate him, which could lead to the disqualification of your essay. It would be better if you avoided age references instead. You have a contradiction in your presentation. If you learned to read and write in Hangul, then you learned the language. You cannot claim to not have learned the language if you studied and learned how to write in Korean characters. You can automatically read their writing so you should be proficient in Hangul instead. You know the language. If that is not a truthful claim, then remove it. Again, stop lying ( if you are lying) because the reviewer is trained to spot exaggeration and lies in the student applications. You constant contradicting presentations will make him believe you are exaggerating the truth.

Writing Feedback / The table compares the leading mobile phone producers in terms of their international market share [2]

Your summary overview still feels too similar to the original presentation. Next time, try flipping the information around to make it seem less like a cut and paste job. Say the years first, the topic, and then to image type. Sometimes, flipping the sentence content even helps your TA score because you totally change the presentation from the original. Overall, you did not do a bad job with your comparison presentation. Your clarity is evident and your analytical considerations are front and center in your presentation. However, you forgot to indicate that the figures you will be presenting comprises 100 % of the market share as per table indicators.

Writing Feedback / What food do you eat at family celebration? Do you know how to prepare them? Do you need any special [3]

You should be using the third person indicative for the word have, which is has. You should also avoid using a contraction such as "it's" in academic writing. Always use the full spelling of a contraction. Pay attention to your punctuation usage. There are clauses where you should have used a comma (... very tasty, and I...). There are also word choice errors (my self = myself). You should not capitalize the second word in a sentence unless it is a proper noun (Firstly, We = firstly we). Take note of singular v. plural word usage ( when the rips is ready = are ready). Word choice errors also exist (stallions = scallions). Word spelling should also be of particular importance to you (noddle = noodle) Sentence formation errors got past you in editing (I really confident - I AM really confident)

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Banning phone calls in public places [2]

This is a public opinion discussion first, a personal opinion presentation last. That means, you have taken the wrong approach to the discussion presentation. The appropriate format for this essay is as follows:

- Give a discussion topic based on the public opinion
- Explain the public opinion
- Express your support or opposition for the general point of view
- Give an example to support your position
- Add a final note to your personal opinion

This test seeks to identify your grammar range when writing. That means, you are to use gender free pronouns for the public opinion, then use a variation of first person pronouns for your personal opinion presentation. In this essay, you mostly used the first person personal opinion presentation. Which means you are unintentionally lowering your GRA score. If you follow the format I am suggesting above, you should be able to get a better GRA and C&C score. The C&C scoring will come from the clarity of your presentation and connection of your discussion from the public to the personal point of view within a single paragraph.

Writing Feedback / The chart below shows the average hours spent per day in leisure and sports activities, by youngest [2]

Your incorrect format is what affected this presentation negatively. You should have used a proper 3 paragraph format covering:
Par. 1: Summary overview + trending statement
Par. 2: Ages 15-19
Par. 3: Ages 75 and over

By allotting a specific paragraph for the elder age group, you would have been able to present a clearer analysis of the information from that particular bracket of the bar graph. The image provided is a bar chart, not a simple chart. Always identify the type of chart (line, pie, bar, etc.) Please take note that your last paragraph represents the information in a confusing manner because you jump around from the young to the old information throughout the discussion. This is why you have to allot a specific paragraph per chart representation. By grouping the information into proper presentation paragraphs you will manage to present a clear and easily understood data report.

Writing Feedback / How to write a discuss two view essay about environmental protection ? [2]

You will immediately get a low GRA score before the examiner even finishes reading the first paragraph because of your improper use of punctuation marks. You cannot use an ellipse and a comma at the same time. You can only use one punctuation mark as a time. You risk losing percentage points for such an early error in your presentation. Your paraphrase also deviates from the original topic as you refer to the factors that have the greatest impact on plants and animals. By the way, you changed the discussion topic from the negative impact of human activity on plants and animals around the world to environmental pollution and its solution. As such, your total essay will be deemed irrelevant to the original task. It will receive a failing score because you did not understand what the topic was, how it should have been discussed, and you did not present it in the proper discussion format.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2: Avoiding evaluation. [4]

Your ability to discuss the reasons based on relevant reasons can clearly be seen in your presentation. However, the clarity of your discussion presentation per paragraph suffers due to your desire to present too many reasons in the presentation. Each paragraph should contain only one related reason and solution per paragraph. This is because the focus of your discussion is always good in the first half of the paragraph, but then falters to the point of having under developed discussion points when you present the second reason. It is always better to be clear the first time than to be clear first then unclear later on. This creates a low C&C score for you because your paragraph, due to the under explained second reason, will be scored as an under developed discussion.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1: Combined charts of household income and spending by an average UK family [3]

Kindly watch out for your word usage. Mediocre means; of only moderate or or ordinary quality. I believe you meant to use the word median which refers to: the middle number in a given sequence of numbers or, a midpoint. Incorrect word usage shall have a direct effect on your LR score. Now, when referring to the images, always indicate how many images you see. In this case, I would have indicated, within the summary:

A table has been provided indicating the following information in reference to total income spent in relation to... Additionally, 2 pie charts have been provided as well. The first chart refers to... while the second chart... The trend in the table indicates, while the pie charts indicate (1) and (2) respectively.

That way, when you get to the discussion, you use the second paragraph to completely discuss the chart and the third paragraph to compare and contrast the digits in the 2 pie charts. There is a lack of clarity when it comes to the 2 pie chart discussions. You have to reference each chart in relation to one another whenever possible or indicate the source chart for clarity purposes.

Writing Feedback / It is necessary for children to distinguish the right and wrong in their early age [3]

This is an extent essay so your response should indicate a measured response. An example of a measured response is:

I agree that children should learn the difference between right and wrong early in their lives. My agreement extends to the point that they should be taught how to differentiate, but not to the point of being punished to help them understand the difference. My reason for this belief is two-fold namely: because (reason 1) and (reason 2).

After which the extended explanation of each reason should follow. For this particular discussion prompt, you should use personal experiences to illustrate your understanding of how punishment affects children psychologically. That way you can justify the non-use of corporal punishment for children and better support your explanation as a form of teaching instead.

By the way, please make sure that you do not use connecting words like "but" at the start of a sentence. The word "but" is used before a comma in a sentence, to help show a connected but opposing topic discussion.

Scholarship / Civil Engineer - networking and Influence skills - Chevening [3]

You have not written a proper networking and influencing essay. You have to write 500 words for each of the 4 scholarship essay questions. Try to show the evolution of your networking and influencing skills development. You can use 250 words each to better illustrate how you developed your influencing skills, which led to your network creation, then explain how you used the two in a coordinated effort in the past. Your current presentation is not effective. It doesn't help the reviewer understand what sort of networking and influencing skills you have developed over time. Consider discussing how your networks have helped you become a notable influence within your company or community and discuss it. Personally, I would focus on the professional aspect of the development since Chevening is looking for scholars who will have the ability to help promote their network and influence past, present, and future scholars. You have to show that you have a network that will actually help promote the scholarship program. I do not see any of these in your essay. It would be best for you to simply develop a more professional sounding and properly targeted essay for this prompt.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Line Graph - the percentage of the population aged 65 or more in Japan, Sweden, and USA [5]

In the summary overview, do not make vague references to the timeline presented in the graph. This indicates the year1940 up to 2040. The accuracy of the report will be needed in the summary overview so use the actual years from the original reference. You can still use the century reference later on, within the trending statement. Do not use the current / present tense with regards to your references. Since this is a future event the word "will" should be prominent in the presentation. "Will" and any variation of the word refers to the upcoming event or measurement as indicated in the graph. Use a uniform paragraph presentation. Always present anywhere between 3-5 sentences. Never present a 2 sentence paragraph because that, for sure, contains a run-on sentence, which will lower your GRA score.

Writing Feedback / Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. Do you agree? [3]

I realize that you were aiming for a higher C&C score by over explaining your paragraph presentations. However, the over explanations did not help your essay because you lost track of the clarity of the paragraph just the same. You are using too many reasons in your presentation. Each paragraph should have only a single topic sentence, with 4 sentences explaining the topic sentence within the paragraph. You do not need 2 topics per paragraph. The 4 paragraph presentations work best with a single topic sentence per paragraph.

You have word choice errors in your essay such as "can not", which should be cannot meaning "unable to". "Can not" is a confusing word because it mean "Can, but unable to." You also have some word usage errors that affected the clarity of your sentences. When you said "In some aspects", what you really wanted to say was "In some respects".

In a task 2 essay, regardless of the discussion type, never use words that appear to portray you as not having a clear opinion . In addition to that, you have to improve your vocabulary skills. Try to develop more academic vocabulary as opposed to everyday overused expressions in your essays.

Writing Feedback / Write an opinion essay about keeping job and changing job? [2]

Okay, you already said you completely agree with the belief presented. After that, your last 2 sentences should have been an indication of the reasons you believe this completely. The outline of the topics for discussion helps the examiner determine how well you understood the topic and how relevant your next discussion paragraphs will be in relation to the topic provided.

What you should not do in this essay is use a comparative discussion. All task 2 essays are singular opinion in nature unless otherwise specified in the prompt. Only when asked to discuss in a comparative manner should you do that (A/D, P/N, Discuss both opinions). For the direct opinion essays, you have to prove that your point of view is correct based on the strength of your explanation. The more convincing your reasons, the better your essay. Focus on a single defense, not a comparative discussion. Remember, you are scored on the clarity of your opinion and your ability to actually defend your opinion. When you use a comparative discussion, you lose the ability to do that.

Please remember that all the paragraphs have a minimum 3 sentence requirement. Both the opening and closing paragraph need to present a paraphrase of the discussion presented. The opening paraphrase has a run-on first sentence and is missing at least one more sentence to meet the format requirement. Your concluding summary does not do that. It is only a single run-on sentence, which is not the format requirement for the concluding summary.

Writing Feedback / Some people claim that the power of verbal communication exceeds the written messages [2]

Unfortunately, this essay does not meet the minimum word count of 250 words. It is severely lacking at 204 words. The percentage deduction will still be considerable enough to prevent your presentation from achieving a passing score. That, is even before the other errors in your presentation are considered and deducted from the overall score. There are several noticeable errors existing in this essay relating to spelling, grammar, clarity, and vocabulary usage. All of which I cannot even bother to review due to the under word count presentation of your essay.

Let me add though, that since this essay is an extent essay, you need to discuss it as such. You obviously did not understand the discussion requirement since you used a comparative essay, that does not relate to the original discussion instructions, for your presentation. So, right off the bat, your essay would have never passed the test. Not even if it met the word count because you did not use the proper discussion format.

Writing Feedback / WWAC radio station... - GRE Argument [3]

Your vocabulary is not at the professional level that the GRE exam requires. Your approach is too simple. Almost IELTS or TOEFL level rather than GRE. Your presentation is not graduate level. You need to be using more advanced English vocabulary in the presentation. Your analysis should also be of a greater level than what you have here. You come across more as a college level test taker than a graduate record exam taker. The keyword here being "graduate". If you want to get a higher score, your analytical abilities need to reflect a higher sense of logic and information consideration. Your discussion needs to be deeper. The consideration you have for the reasons should not make claims. that are also unfounded ( but this is false). Just as you question the claims of the manager, so can your claims be questioned. No matter of fact claims should be made unless there is evidence to back it up coming from the original source. Avoid the use of rhetorical questions in your essay. These questions have no place in an analytical piece that already provides you with all the information you need for the discussion. The questions you posed should instead be made in the form of a statement that refutes a claim made in the original.

Writing Feedback / IELTS ACADEMIC WRITING TEST TASK 1 - The average sales of a restaurant in 2016 [2]

You should have discussed this in a group of 3. The grouping would have been as follows:

Group 1: Summary + trending statement (most popular item)
Group 2: Number of transactions + transaction value
Group 3: Number of Eat In + Takeaway

Always look at the way the charts are provided and group these into 3. That is the best way to create a comparative report for the information provided. While you did cover some of these points, you did not really manage to cover all the important presentations per group. However, that is not to say that your presentation was incorrect. You just chose to do it in a different way, which the examiner will score with the utmost of scoring considerations just the same. Just remember, there are 3 restaurants, so there should be 3 comparative presentations per group consideration. Sometimes you only provided 2 comparative points, which would mean the information you are presenting is lacking.

Writing Feedback / People using mobile phones between 2006 and 2010 [3]

You should not indicate "over the following four years" because there is a clear divider between the years. There is a gap of 2 years between measurements. So do not go so far forward into your representation, only to take it back by using the 2 year skip system in the same presentation. Overall though, the presentation is clear, although some language issues arise. You did not create a confusing report in your presentation. The information was properly presented within the 3 group format, which added to the clarity of the presentation. Good job on the reporting aspect. Avoid making gap year claims in your future essays if you can. Unless there is a clear representation of decades in the image, it would be best not to use any timeline references to avoid making errors.

Undergraduate / Mother's departure - personal statement for college application [3]

Here is the thing, I learned more about your superstitious beliefs and your mother in this essay than I did about you. What is the exact prompt that you are responding to? Since you did not provide it for this presentation, I cannot really assess your work and how to correct the obvious errors in your presentation. I need the prompt to know how to better direct your editing of this presentation. What exactly is the point of this personal statement? It does not reflect the development of your interest in your course, your motivation, your desires for the future of your studies, your personal ambition. Unless I know the specifics for this personal statement, I will not be able to tell you if there is anything in this version that you can use in the revised version.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 - Table - Food consumption per person weekly in a European country [3]

In the summary overview, you created a run-on presentation that affected the clarity of the information you were presenting. You should use one sentence for the image type, another for the classifications, yet another for the measurement used, and finally, the trending statement. You also made a mistake in the time reference. It does not cover a period from 1992 to 2012. Actually, the chart shows that the report comes from 3 specific years (1992, 2002, 2012). You can confirm this by reading the instruction presentation. It lists the years separately instead of collectively.

Try not to bunch your information into 2 sentences. When doing a comparison, always separate the information into individual sentences so that the clarity of the information is not affected.

Writing Feedback / Task2: Noise control enforcement [3]

This is a dual point of view comparative discussion with a personal opinion discussion essay. You managed to present your personal opinion as a part of the outlined discussion process, but you failed to properly explain your opinion in the succeeding reasoning paragraphs. Therefore, your essay is tangential in response and will not be completely scored based on the prompt requirements. You will have deductions due to the lacking personal opinion paragraph / presentation.

The reasoning paragraphs are not completely developed. The first reasoning paragraph has a properly developed first reason, but an under developed second reason. If you want to score better, make sure to fully develop your explanations. In this case, you only needed to present one reasoning topic and develop it. You do not need a pair of reasons if you cannot properly develop the second reason. It should be developed in the same manner as the first. However, you should only use a maximum of 5 sentences per paragraph, so it would be better to focus your efforts on clearly explaining a single topic instead.

The second reasoning paragraph is not properly explained either. You only use one sentence as an explanation for each topic. That is a very under developed explanation on your part. It is not effective and will not get you a decent score.

Writing Feedback / How the leather goods are produced [3]

I cannot advice you regarding your approach to the essay due to the lack of image. However, I need to warn you about your word count. You have not written the minimum of 150 words in this presentation. 132 words written means that you will receive points deductions for the missing word count. When you do not write enough words, you can assure yourself of a failing essay score. That is because the deductions will have an overall score lowering effect for you. I noticed your tendency to write only 2 sentences per paragraph. You should write 3-5 sentences to meet the minimum word count or, go over the minimum word count. That is the best way to ensure that you can be properly scored based on all scoring considerations. I cannot go beyond this advice due to the lack of image. Please make sure to upload an image next time to get a proper and comprehensive review from me.

Writing Feedback / The flow chart illustrates the way of disposing salt from sea water to produce drinkable one [2]

Try to create the proper formatting requirement for your presentation. Use 3 paragraphs to create the explanation. Make sure you have:
- a summary overview
- process 1 (first half)
- process 2 (last half)

That is how the diagram is laid out and that is how you should represent the description in your report. Although you wrote 152 words, your essay feels a bit stretched. Probably because you did not manage to create paragraphs that clearly show an integration of simple and complex sentences. It is important that you avoid run-on presentations and use at least 3-5 sentence per paragraph so that you can achieve your maximum GRA scoring potential.

Do not rely on continuous information presentation per paragraph. That creates confusion in the presentation. It makes it difficult for the reader to follow your topic presentation per sentence. Make sure you present only one process per sentence to ensure that you get a better C&C score.

Writing Feedback / Gender Studies - Critical summary [2]

The summary you are to provide is not only a run-down of the text, it is a summary of the information provided. You have to summarize the opinion in a manner that allows you to give a general discussion feel to the presentation. You don't just keep on telling the reader what the book contains. It needs to contain a reference to an analysis of the reading. I bet your professor gave you instructions for the writing of the summary. You should go have a look at the instructions and this time, write the summary based on the given instructions. Your summary isn't really that good. It sounds like you just threw something together to meet the class requirement instead of presenting your summary in a manner that shows what you learned based upon the provided reading material.

Scholarship / Personal statement for Korean government scholarship. (Civil engineering) [3]

Your parent's background is not very clear in the paragraph that you wrote. You need to devote a paragraph to your family background. That means, you have to discuss the professional background of your parents and your personal relationship with them. That part, the personal relationship, comes across as shallow and not really notable in the essay. Perhaps because you did not clearly define the kind of parent-child relationship you have with them beyond influencing your ambitions in life.

You should develop a discussion paragraph that indicates how your interest in Civil Engineering came about. That is not very clear in your motivation statement. What were the events that led to your desire to become a civil engineer? How does it relate to your motivation to complete the course? Why do you think this is the career for you? How will it help you in the future? How will it help your country? The motivation needs to have a personal, social, and professional aspect.

Since your desire to enter vocational school is not founded on any activities that relate to building, what made you decide to take up that course? How did you fare in your classes? Why did you decide that, although your skills were not very good, you still wanted to pursue this as a career?

The essay is really very badly formatted. It suffers in quality because of the improper formatting of the information presented and the often irrelevant or weakly explained reasons in line with the prompts provided. Truth be told, this is not the type of quality essay that would make it past the first round of considerations. I strongly urge you to seek professional editing help for your paper. There is still time for you to do so.

Writing Feedback / Benefits of studying abroad introduction [2]

The first sentence in your presentation does not relate to education. Your statements, from the very start, should align itself with the given topic. In this case, that is education. Education overseas in particular. Your educational interest should be supported by a desire to learn about other cultures and communities. Your reference to students should direct the reader towards what reasons might interest a student to study overseas. Studying overseas is different from acquiring school overseas. Nobody acquires a school overseas unless they buy one. A student, goes overseas to acquire an education, not a school. Since you are writing your introductory statement, you should practice outlining your discussion points in the last 2 sentences. By outlining your discussion points, you will be able to add clarity to your explanation, since you will be giving the reader an example of reasons related to the topic provided.

Writing Feedback / Introductory of writing: negative of city life [4]

Your paraphrasing does not come across clearly. What is the basis for the discussion? You should include the reason for the topic being discussed. The writing instructions should also be clearer to the reader. We should understand what the original discussion instructions are based on the represented information alone. That is not the case in this presentation. Next time you post the introduction, it would help if you could post the original presentation as well. That way I can truly assess whether your presentation is appropriate, lacking, or good enough to be used in an actual essay. As of now, based on this presentation, the grammar is really off. You need to keep practicing sentence construction. Let me show you how to fix this:

People tend to live in urban areas these days. They opt to do so due to the available job opportunities. While other people believe that there are equal benefits and drawbacks to living in the city, I believe otherwise. My reasons will be explained in detail below.

Again, I am not sure if this is the appropriate paraphrase for this topic. I just opted to show you an example of how your own presentation should have gone to help illustrate your grammar problems.