Writing Feedback / IELTS - Crime in UK; percentage of criminality of British people in different age/gender [11]

No, I mean you should decide which tense should be used in your essay.
Let's have a look at your paragraphs:


No years are given in both charts but you used simple present tense in the first sentence and the simple past tense in the second one.


Again, you used two different tenses to describe the chart in this paragraph. When it comes to a chart without any years given, you could use either simple past or simple present tense but using both of them is not a good idea.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Crime in UK; percentage of criminality of British people in different age/gender [11]

Sorry, you could use simple tense here. However, you also use both past tense and simple tense in your body paragraphs. Decide one to use in your whole essay :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 - Internet Use in Europe [10]

You should attach the right graph with your essay so we could provide you with more comments :)


leisure activities of adults


This sentence is quite confusing. I can see from your fourth paragraph that the proportions of other activities are not quite small.



a slight fall


decreased rapidly


Other activities accounted for only 6% of the total spare time of European adults in 1985


You don't need to give any interpretation from the data. There may be other reasons why adolescents talked less with their family.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Crime in UK; percentage of criminality of British people in different age/gender [11]


the proportion of male inmates was considerably higher than that of women.


females of similar age


declined gradually.


This is not prediction, so this part could be omitted.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: The continuous movement of water on, above & below the surface of the Earth [7]

You are welcome, Eddy :) And also, congratulations on your IELTS score! You deserve it every bit :-D

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 - Bar and Line Charts! Tourists Of Japan Travelling Abroad! [8]


from 1985 to 1995 :)


This is the number, not the proportion.


after a slight decline, traveler numbers continued to rise and reached a peak of more than 15 million at the end of the period.



one year later


The figure dropped to 4% one year later before recovering to hit around 6% in 1995.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: The continuous movement of water on, above & below the surface of the Earth [7]


I find this question unnecessary.


This sentence could be used in the overview paragraph as it shows readers the most remarkable features of the diagram.


At the evaporation stage, 80% of water vapor in the air come from the oceans.


This is followed by the precipitation stage, in which water falls from the ground in the form of rain or snow.


I think the snow is the result of precipitation rather than the water in mountainous lakes.


The word "produce" is not appropriate here to me. In my opinion, water just changes its states throughout the cycle.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task I : Flowchart process of academic writing [6]



Overall, writing a formal essay requires six stages to be fulfilled before submitting the final version.


have a discussion


Learners could take advantage of materials in the library or do fieldwork like giving questionnaires and conducing surveys at this stage.


The result of the first two stages is the first draft of the essay, for which students need organize the content and produce a brief outline in advance.


However is not the appropriate preposition here. You could use "Next" or "Following that" instead.


Students should revise the draft by reading the resource material again prior to adding suggestion and checking quotations to form the second draft.


should be carried out strictly


rewriting the final draft


careful checking


Students have to submit the essay


I agree with Pahan :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS Let students still have some challenges in art-based subjects, but not give mark on their work [4]


I wish you could include your own opinion in the introduction of your essay.


This paragraph is quite off-topic to me. I think you should focus on whether arts-based subjects should be compulsory instead of how teachers evaluate their students' performances.


Again, this is not aligned with the prompt given to you. Whether teachers should grade the work of students or not is not what the topic asks you to give your opinion about.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: International migration in UK [3]


Both the number of people came to and left the UK increased gradually in the first five years, though immigration rate was significantly higher.
Also, as far as I'm concerned, "from" and "to" are the prepositions used after "immigrate" and "emigrate", rather than "in" and "out of".


peaked at approximately 250000 in 2004

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: The total number of minutes (in millions) of telephone calls in Finland [4]


rising from 12000 million minutes in 1995 to a peak of 17000 million in 2000. After that, it fell back to the 1995 figure in 2004.


The total number of minutes of national and international landline calls


What do you mean by "in question" in this sentence?

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: International students graduating from universities in Canada [2]


The bar chart compares international graduates in percentage terms from universities in seven regions in Canada in two separate years, 2001 and 2006.
I think you should write an overview after the introduction. This is to mention the most significant features of the chart before going to details in following paragraphs.


These two sentences are not quite clear as readers may not know whether there is any notable difference between two ranges of figures you stated above (as they are quite similar). You could simply write one sentence about the upward trend and this could be used in the overview.

There was a gradual increase in the proportion of international students from 2001 to 2006.


There is still a gap between the figures in 2001 and 2006. If you write like this, it seems that the figures are quite close to each other and the increase is not clearly described.


which experienced a decrease in the percentage of international graduates
I hope this helps!

Writing Feedback / IELTS, LIFE WILL BE BETTER IN THE FUTURE OR NOT [5]


I think you should present your ideas more clearly and construct simpler sentences that are more relevant to the topic. Don't make your introduction too complicated with vague sentences.


Don't use "you" and "your" in your academic writing.


This is not aligned with your first body paragraph, where you didn't mention anything about pollution.

Writing Feedback / Movies and television changing the way that we entertain; big influence [5]


I think readers may get confused as to whether there are positive effects and why you do not want to include them in the essay. Another thing is that this is contradictory to the rest of the essay, where you only mention the positive effects.


connect to the Internet




much better.


This is not aligned with your introduction.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: What to broadcast on television and what to print in newspapers. [8]


including news editors who are fully responsible


There are some factors that news editors should take into account.

It's hard to distinguish your introduction from your body paragraph. You don't need to go into details in the introduction and the examples are not quite necessary here. Instead, you should state the main topic of the essay and express your opinion or answer the given question clearly.

Essays / How to write an opinion essay about global warming? [5]

You had better write your essay yourself first and then we will help you to correct it :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : The IELTS Score In Four Different Countries [3]

It seems that you just use the same sentence structure in your two body paragraphs. Also, your ideas need reorganizing by starting with the most salient features. For example, German has the highest overall score of the four countries. Then you could move into further details and make comparisons among countries and modules.


This kind of task doesn't require you to give any interpretation from the chart. In my opinion, it can't be concluded that every person in two continents has learnt English from the IELTS score of just four countries.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Elderly Population in three different countries: Japan, Sweden and USA [2]

You should attach the graph with your essay.


a period of 100 years


This sentence could be merged with the previous one:
The given graph shows the proportion of elderly population during a period of 100 years in three different countries, namely Japan, Sweden, and the USA.


follow a similar upward trend


the proportion/the percentage of


This is not clear. Do you mean "the first 60 years of the period"?


It continues to rise until reaching an estimation of ... in 2040, which is significantly higher than the other two countries.


The elderly population in Sweden and the USA experienced an increase during the course.


Both figures


This world should be omitted.

.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task II: who should decide the subjects that children are taught in schools [4]


This could form a separate sentence.


What do you mean by "they" in this sentence? Are they students or teachers?
Overall, you write very well. You follow a good structure for the task and your ideas are well-organized.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Capital punishment (the death penalty) in society [12]


Some people believe that applying this kind of punishment will lead to a crime-free society.


imprisoning criminals.
The prompt does not mention anything as to whether other people are in favor of imprisonment so I'm not sure if it is necessary to single out this kind of punishment here.


quite a long time
Also, you could state your opinion right in the introduction.

Writing Feedback / Renewable sources of energy (sun, water, wind) will soon replace fossil fuels [4]

You should include the full prompt to receive more meaningful comments on your essay.


One of the most serious problems in the world is environmental pollution, of which fossil fuels are one of the leading causes.


This has led many countries to develop sustainable energy resources.


I feel that the question here is not necessary.
In my opinion, shifting to renewable sources of energy is an effective solution to environmental issues.


Therefore,


Emissions from burning charcoal or petroleum are known to have a devastating effect on the ozone layer

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: kindly check my introductory paragraph (hook, etc) [6]


This part of your sentence is quite confusing. Do you mean that schools are teaching non-competitive sports?


schools aim


This sentence is too lengthy and your opinion is not quite clear. I think the use of many big words also reduces the clarity of this sentence.

Writing Feedback / Traffic jams in big cities - headache question for the government to solve [5]


Traffic congestion has become a serious problem in many big cities in the world.


This has grammatical mistakes and you didn't mention anything related to air pollution in the rest of the essay. If it is irrelevant to the topic, then you could omit this sentence.


I don't think "Yet" should be used here.


This part could form a separate sentence.


The bold part is not clear.

Writing Feedback / IELTS, nowadays it is more difficult to concentrate or pay attention in school. [7]

You should include the full prompt whenever posting an essay because without it, it's hard for us to know whether some sentences are relevant or not to the topic.


The question mark is inappropriate here and "how much it is different" should be replaced by "how different it is".


Children would sacrifice their studying time for playing computer games.


which led to some academic problems at school.
Don't use "that" after commas.


draw more attention from students than their lessons do.


This part is confusing. Do you mean the solution to this problem depends of parents?

Writing Feedback / IELTS;More & more people are relying on private cars as their major means of transport [4]

Well, you should include the full prompt with your essay so that we can provide you with more meaningful comments.


blaming cars


a number of serious issues


traffic accidents


It's better to open your body paragraph with problems that are caused by cars. I feel that these sentences do not add more value to your essay.


Do you mean the amount of time we use cars?


car engine emissions


the main reason for


Delhi is not a country. You had better link your example with your previous sentence.


reached


choose not to drive


in a short distance

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task II : Equal number of gender in the universities entrance [12]


As far as I'm concerned, "emancipation" means liberation or being freed which, I think, is not related to the issue of unequal numbers of male and female students.


This is one of your reason but you didn't give a clear explanation for this.


The quality of students will be guaranteed if they are selected to enter universities from ability-based tests.
You should pay attention to your grammar!

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task I : Housing owned and rented in UK [5]



"However" is used when you want to state an opposite opinion. This is not appropriate in your overview paragraph here. Also, there's no need to give data in your overview.


There are two pie charts, so you should clarify which chart you are mentioning.


the most popular type


was the least


at 50 per cent


This sentence has several grammatical mistakes.
In 1985, private owned houses took up over 50 per cent of the total number of houses, while the proportion of social housing was the lowest, at 10 per cent.


The charts are not about the people but the percentage of four kinds of houses.


This sentence is really confusing. What do you mean by "rising number among trends"?
Hope this helps!

Writing Feedback / The chart below display skill levels of male and female employees in a British company in [5]


The pie charts compare the proportion of four different levels of skills of staff members of both genders in a British company in 2001.
If you want to talk about the country, use "Britain" instead of "British".



This is your overview. In this paragraph, you should mention the most remarkable features of the chart but you don't need to present any data here.

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing test 1. Cement and concrete production diagrams. Ielts8 [11]


Keep your introduction short and direct.
The two diagrams illustrate the process of how cement is produced from raw materials and the production of concrete for building purpose.


In the first stage of cement making, limestone and clay are added to the crusher and then transferred to the mixer in the form of powder.


After that, the mixture is sent to the rotating heater and heated, the result of which is then grounded to produce cement.


Packaging cement in bags is the final step of the process.


To produce concrete, four materials are initially required.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: BAR CHARTS- Married and Divorced in the USA [8]


Yes, I think you should describe the main trends of both two charts in the overview paragraph.
Overall, the number of marriages was significantly higher than the number of divorces over the period. Also, the majority of American people were married in both given years, 1970 and 2000.


I don't think you should use the word "below" in the introduction. This is because when you write on the exam paper, there is no chart/graph below your essay.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task I : Housing owned and rented in UK [5]


the proportion of housing owned and rented in the UK


It's not necessary to have a separate sentence to talk about the four sorts of houses involved. Instead, you could merge this sentence with your previous one.


Overall, the house numbers in the UK increased dramatically over 20 years.


This sentence is irrelevant to the chart.


,


Again, these two sentences are not related to what the task requires you to do. You should focus on


and


to summarize the information. There's no need to have interpretations or deductions from the given data. Also, pay attention to your grammar.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The percentage of housing owned and rented in the UK in 1985 and 2005. [3]


Don't make your introduction too complicated.
The pie charts compare house ownership and renting in the UK in 1985 and 2005 in percentage terms.


You don't need to give a reason for the main features of the given graphs.
Overall, there was in increase in the total number of homes in the UK over the two-decade period. Likewise, privately owned houses were the most popular type of housing.


In 1985, private houses accounted for over half of the total number of homes (22 million), which was about 20% higher than the second most common type, council rented houses.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1- water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries [3]


Capitalize the first letter of your sentence.


These two sentences can form an introduction:
The line graph illustrates the changes in the amount of water used for agricultural, industrial and domestic purposes while the table compares water consumption in 2 different countries, Brazil and Democratic Republic of Congo.


It is obvious that a larger quantity of water was used in agriculture than the other two sectors.


Does the table mention anything about water use in agriculture?

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: the sleep patterns of people in five different occupations [13]


You had better keep focusing on the given chart/graph as it reflects the result of the study. Also, if you have already given an overview in your essay, the conclusion is not necessary.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK I: Earnings in London City [6]

Don't make your introduction too complicated and then difficult for readers to understand.
The two pie charts illustrates the changes in total earnings in four sectors, namely commodity trading, banking, insurance and currency dealing in London in 1985 and 1995. Meanwhile, the table compares average annual salaries of executives of both gender in aforementioned sectors over the same period.

After the introduction, you should have a overview paragraph to clarify the main trends of the graphs and table:
Overall, there was a sharp rise in the total revenue in the city of London from 1985 to 1995, with commodity trading taking over the largest proportion of banking over the given course. Likewise, annual salaries of female executives were generally lower than those of male counterparts in all sectors.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephon [5]


There was a steady rise in the number of local fixed line calls in the first half of the period, eventually reaching a peak of 90 billion in 1999.


.
Then it began to fall gradually to approximately 70 billion in 2002, which was the same as the 1995 figure.


On the other hand, the total number of minutes of national and international fixed line calls and mobile calls enjoyed an clearly upward trend throughout the period. The former started off steady at 38 billion in 1995 and subsequently reached a high of around 60 billion at the end of the period.


Meanwhile, the latter saw the most significant increase in the number of minutes of telephone calls. Its figure was lower than 10 billion in the first four years. However, it ended up the period at 45 billion, which was nine times higher than the 1995 level.

You should pay attention to the difference between "Rise" and "Raise". They are used to depict upward trend but not interchangeable.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task II : Illiteracy rates by region and gender; 'it was tearful' [12]


"However" is wrongly used here. You could merge this sentence with your previous one to form an introduction of your essay.
The bar chart compares the estimated proportion of illiterate men and women in six regions in 2000.
You should have an overview paragraph after your introduction to show the main trends of the chart, for example:
Overall, more women were illiterate than men in all six areas around the world . Besides, developed countries had the lowest illiteracy rates of both gender in 2000.


This is quite irrelevant to the prompt of this essay. You don't need to give a deduction from the given data.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : Many vehicles on British roads [3]


The year 1888 marks the first appearance of a car in Britain. It doesn't mean that this vehicle was invented in Britain, so your sentence


could be omitted. Also, "discover" is wrongly used here.


-> Meanwhile


Since the nineteenth century, the number of private cars has increased dramatically in Great Britain. In my opinion, car ownership should be controlled by not only the introduction of international laws but also the shift to other means of transport.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: LINE GRAPH/ change in fish and other three types of meat consumption [7]


This could be replaced by the overview paragraph, which is often written after the introduction.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : The main reasons for study and the amount of study grant [4]

You should attach the chart with the prompt so that we can give you more meaningful comments.


It's better to have a simple and direct introduction.
The first chart illustrates two main reasons why people of different age groups choose to study and the second bar chart presents data concerning levels of employer support in percentage terms.


Overall, the younger age groups tend to study mostly for career purposes, while the majority of the older groups cite interest as their main reason. Also, employees under 30 years old receive the highest amount of employer support.