Letters / LOR/Recommendation letter for undergraduate - Business Administration [2]

The letter does not contain the same academic tone that it should have, if a teacher had actually written it. A teacher would know the correct words to use and what type of punctuation marks to apply to the letter. These are small errors in writing that an ordinary student, writing the recommendation letter for himself, would make. The teacher should have been able to explain a few intricacies within the presentation to the reviewer, who is not at all familiar with the teaching methods, grading system, and teacher positions in your country.

Although the information presented is useful and is part of the candidacy qualifiers, the amateur writing of the letter is what will give it away as not being an authentic recommendation letter. These mistakes should be corrected either by the teacher prior to signing the letter or, by a professional editor who can make the letter appear as if a teacher had written it, prior to having the teacher sign the letter.

Writing Feedback / Some people think young people should be free to choose his or her job, but other people think they [2]

The first paragraph contains several reference errors that will force the examiner to award a failing TA score to the paragraph. The first, is the incorrect reference to a "bitter controversy" where none was presented in the original. The examiner expects the writer to restate the topic without any exaggerations that will alter the original topic presentation. This exaggerated reference, which is unsupported in the original will result in percentage deductions.

The writer is also referring to "pros and cons" which is another unsupported claim that totally alters the discussion instructions for this essay. More deductions will apply. The writer's opinion is also missing from the prompt restatement, which is a requirement for the thesis statement of this paragraph.

The failure of the writer to comply with the restatement requirements and opinion presentation format has also created an overall failing score for this piece. I need not review it further.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2 - young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way [2]

Band score estimates are provided as a part of our private services. Kindly contact us privately to inquire about it. Students who might want to score this essay should think twice as it will result in account suspension on their part.

Why are you admitting to the truth of a claim when the original topic is merely referencing this as an idea among a small group of supporters? Such reference creates an incorrect prompt restatement and will result in deductions based on topic statement inaccuracy. This will lower the TA score even as the writer's opinion was properly presented even as the reasoning summary is not given by the writer. The reasoning topics being present in this paragraph would have boosted the TA score due to opinion clarity.

The writer will only receive a score for the paragraph that supports his opinion presentation. As this is not a comparative essay but rather, a single opinion presentation, the reasoning paragraphs should have both supported the writer's opinion in this debate. The reason? It will prove the writer's opinion to be correct as it is based on believable supporting statements. The non-supporting paragraph will not receive a score. The end result? The essay will receive a score based on a partially developed discussion.

Undergraduate / Study plan for Canada visa application (study permit) - Bachelor of Computer Science [2]

The letter itself is too long and requiring a better information presentation. The visa officer is not interestedin your autobiography nor your academic history. He is interested only in 2 things, the reason why you chose to study in Canada and, proof that you will be returning to your home country upon completion of your degree. Both of which are not the focal point of this presentation. The revision should focus only on these 2 aspects.

For the reason you chose to study in Canada, there needs to be more solid considerations other than information that you researched. There is no history of a prior interest in Canada as far as the officer is concerned. You chose Canada only after researching countries to study. That weakens your position as an applicant. Further weakening the choice of country is the choice of university. There is no evidence that the student has chosen the university based on academic targets and potential career outcomes once you return to Vietnam. Why Canada and the university beyond the research that you did? Where is the personal interest and academic insight? It is not there.

As for proof that you will return to Canada, you cannot just say you will return, you need to prove that you have reasons to return to Vietnam beyond your family ties. Something that may be difficult for you to do since you barely touched on that topic in this presentation.

Graduate / Personal Statement for MSc. Internet of Things and Data Analytics [2]

Remove certain aspects of this presentation that are misplaced. Information about work experience, among others, should be discussed in the statement of purpose or motivational letter, depending upon the university requirement. It should not be placed in the personal statement. It does not fit the default prompt requirements for this essay.

The next revision will be better outlined, as per requirements, if it develops paragraphs 1, 3, and 5. These are the paragraphs that are better targeted towards the development of your interest in the course and the choice of university. The final paragraph in particular, should center on the reasons why you opted to study at the university and the country. All other information presented will be more useful in the statement of purpose as these relate to your experiences in academics and work, rather than the personal interest development that the personal statement requires.

Please note that the academic development of your interest must also be supported by a professional interest development as well. That is, unless you are applying to a masters course that does not require work experience.

Undergraduate / Provide any other information about yourself that you feel will help this college [2]

The presentation is not heartfelt. The reasons are unclear and shallow at the most. What comes across is the image of a petulant spoiled brat who shows no remorse for past misdeeds. There is no epiphany that would convince the reviewer that your take at studies this time would be any different from your past half hearted and/or disinterested studies.

Maybe the explanation is too short. Maybe it needs to focus on a particular reason or event. I can't put my finger on it at the moment. These are all unacceptable reasons for low grades. Rather than trying to explain away a negative, focus on developing the positive instead. Develop the passion for horticulture instead. Discuss your work experience and how the exposure gave you direction both academically and in life.

Make horticulture the center of your life and interests. Develop the explanation to represent the hobby that became a passion. Avoid any mention of low grades and negatives in the essay. Present only the positive since the discussion should only relate to work, research, volunteer activities or other experience in relation to horticulture. There is no sense in trying to work in an explanation for a topic that is not covered by the prompt.

Writing Feedback / Internet users as percentage of population. Summarise the information and Write at least 150 words. [2]

In the summary overview, the information regarding the list of countries in relation to the years indicated should have been separated through the use of a comma. The reason? The information in the sentence is related but refers to different areas of connected information.

With the trending statement, the writer creates a confusing time reference through the sentence set up referring to current movement, then suddenly shifting to past movement. This coherence error occurred twice in this presentation. These must consistently be presented in previous time reference settings since the years and actions have already taken place.

The writer needs to learn more about punctuation usage in relation to grammar clarity. He often neglects to use a comma or period, or other forms of punctuation throughout the essay. Lack of proofreading left these errors in place where, in an actual test, the errors would result in direct GRA point deductions. Editing and finalizing the content after the first writing will often reduce these errors and deductions.

Writing Feedback / Data on the bird population essay [3]

A task 1 essay always has a 3 paragraph requirement. 4 paragraphs are presented when reporting using 2 images. So, while the presentation met the word requirement, the format is still incorrect. Points will still be deducted based on formatting reasons. Always present:

- Summary overview + trending statement (combined in a single paragraph)
- First grouped topic report
- second grouped topic report

The format above is a standard presentation format that you can use even in a 2 image report. You cannot go wrong when you use this format so memorize it.

The English sentence structures are elementary and with obvious ESL word usage problems. I am confident though that the student will show grammar improvements over time, provided he dedicates himself to improving his language skills. I say this because the writer got his message across even while using elementary English words for his sentences.

Writing Feedback / Opinions about traditional and modern medicines [2]

Do not get into the habit of affirming statements within the opening sentence of of the restatement. It unnecessarily changes the discussion topic foundation as it is not a statement included in the first version. It creates a slight topic redirection and will cause deductions in the presentation. Stick to a restatement that does not offer a change in topic focus or foundation. For basic opinion idea rephrasing, use only 3 - 4 sentences:

- Reword the idea
- Give your opinion
- State the 2 basis of your opinion separately

The essay is problematic in the sense that the writer is opposing his own opinion in the 1st reasoning paragraph. As the topic covers a single opinion presentation, his defense of his belief must be based on I strongly supported and explained reasons. Beyond the idea of using specific linking words and other word usage considerations, the main scores will come from the clarity of the opinion as supported by cohesive paragraphs. The cohesiveness disappears when the discussion fails to link both explanatory paragraphs to the writers opinion through related discussion points and transition sentences/ words.


This is a misplaced statement. Being an establishing opinion reason statement, it should be placed at the end of the prompt restatement + personal opinion paragraph as it greatly adds to the basis (clarity) of the writers opinion. It is a stronger and more convincing statement than the currently presented opinion presentation. IHad this thesis statement been used early on, the current comparative format would have been perfect for the discussion and produced a high score due to the avoidance of conflicting discussion points in the discussion paragraphs.

Writing Feedback / Essay about ex-prisoner are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of crime [2]

The summary restatement is incorrect in format because the first sentence includes an attestation where it is not needed. The truth of the statement is not something that is required by the original discussion, nor is it a part of the original presentation. As this is a part of the writer's personal opinion, it should be included in the personal opinion sentence or, turned into a topic sentence for the reasoning paragraphs. The writer's personal opinion is also problematic as it does not respond using the required format. Rather than saying "while I agree..." the more appropriate format is:

I find that I am partially in support of this statement. That is because my personal analysis of the situation tells me that there is still a better method to discourage young people from committing a crime.

The aforementioned opinion accomplishes 2 things:
- Offers the writer's extent response in a clear manner
- Indicates the basis of the succeeding discussion paragraphs

Both of these criteria will help the essay gain a better accuracy score since the opinion of the writer will have a strong foundation in terms of discussion paragraphs. His opinion is very clear to the writer in terms of extent and discussion presentation.

There is no need to explain why having criminals talk to young people will work. The point of the essay is to successfully defend your extent response. That means, expanding on the need to introduce crime prevention in the curriculum and, why police officers should be one of the main speakers when it comes to explaining the repercussions of crime to teenagers. The discussion is lacking in proper focus and development since the first reason is not supportive of the writer's opinion. Only one of 2 reasoning paragraphs will receive scoring consideration in this case.

These are the problems that will prove to be score reducing for the student. These could very well prevent him from receiving a passing score or, merely receiving a base passing score. Either way, the student needs to have more understanding of how the response format works in terms of scoring considerations.

Writing Feedback / Being able to speak a foreign language is an advantage these days [2]

The prompt restatement needs more accuracy. The exam taker is expected to rephrase the whole of the original discussion in his writing. It cannot be limited in scope as this will alter the original presentation and create a different discussion target as required. The student has created a selective prompt restatement which will lead to deductions in the score for the restatement section. Although he did present a personal opinion within the same paragraph, it is the lack of proper statement representation that will result on the preliminary score being based on an unrelated discussion. There are several missing key points from the restatement that affected the succeeding presentations in relation to the examiner expected discussion format. As such, the essay will only receive a score for the personal opinion provided. That is 1 out of 3 required discussion representations. This is not a passing score essay.

The writer must familiarize himself with the 2 writing approaches to this type of essay. Either he discusses based on the public opinion + personal point of view or, he presents his opinion as a 3rd paragraph after explaining why the public supports each opinion. This type of discussion cannot be based on a personal opinion alone.

He must also realize that when a discussion of both opinions and a personal opinion are required, the essay cannot use the A v. D approach because that is not the discussion format stated in the original. It is quite possible that the writer is not yet familiar with the various writing styles for the task 2 essay so more familiarity, through reading of various prompts and sample responses is definitely needed. He knows how to present his ideas. It is the way of presenting the ideas in relation to the instructions that prove to be faulty and the cause of the failure of his essay.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 Is technological development positive or negative for distant work and learning [2]

When writing an opinion essay, the writer must realize that he has to target the completeness by which he presents his information. His opinion must be fully developed and supported by only one example and reason, unless otherwise specified by the writing instructions. Normally, for 2 questions, only one reason is needed and expanded upon in the 2 paragraphs. By concentrating on the development of the explanation, the writer avoids creating under developed reasoning presentationss.

In this particular essay, the writer has a well developed student related reasoning paragraph. He focused on one topic, Covid-19 and its effects on learning, while developing the reasons that these proved to be beneficial in the end for students. The final explanation, using the outcome of the virtual classes was an excellent way to close the paragraph.

The second reason did not fair as well as the first one though. That is because the writer got too busy with providing reasons, rather than providing solid explanations as he did the first time. By providing more than one reason in this paragraph, but not having enough room to fully expand on each discussion, the second discussion topic became superfluous and lacking in explanation development. That situation removed the cohesiveness of the presentation. Food delivery, as a consideration for workers does not really relate to the way that workers complete their jobs remotely. It is a reason that does not fit within the requirements and focus of the original discussion. It should not have been introduced in the paragraph. The focus should have remained work related.

The concluding summary could have been better presented. The reasons provided should have been divided into 2 seperate sentences with a final repeat of the writer's opinion also present in the paragraph. A total of 3 sentences should be present in this paragraph to be considered a complete recap of the previous points.

Writing Feedback / The consequences of competing between older people and young ones for the same type of occupations [3]

Avoid a personal opinion presentation about the truth of a statement in the opening sentence. That isan unnecessary and prompt altering statement that will lower the accuracy score. Any personal news should be stated at the end of the paragraph as an integrated personal statement. The first paragraph is extremely weak as it does not provide a proper discussion basis as required through straight responses to the questions listed.

The first response paragraph is nothing more than a paraphrasing of existing reasons from already existing essays. The same can also be said of the solutions paragraph. Therefore, the writer has not presented original ideas. He has used this essay as a paraphrasing exercise instead. I cannot accurately judge his writing abilities and personal responses in this case.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Are newspaper the best way to learn news? [2]

The prompt restatement contains information inaccuracies and a lack of personal opinion presentation that forces it to receive a failing TA score. Failing in this section of the preliminary score guarantees the writer will not meet his target score. Avoiding misinforming the reader by referring to data not included in the orginal prompt and meeting the personal opinion statement requirement will help the writer avoid a failing score in this section next time.

The writer is not discussing the points of view in the required manner which is a comparison of the public opinion and the personal opinion over 2 paragraphs that represent each public point of view. The writer wrote a general discussion instead that came across solely as a personal opinion. The paragraphs do not meet the discussion requirements. This essay cannot receive a passing score because of these mistakes.

Writing Feedback / The question whether rising price of fuel is the best solution to environmental issue [3]

Avoid merely repeating the discussion instructions in the personal opinion presentation. To further add to the strength of your claim, make it a point to include the summarized reasons. These will add clarity to the discussion aim and also prove that the writer's opinion has a simplified but valid basis. The result? Increased accuracy scores.

The writer does a good job of putting forth the reasons why people may support a rise in fuel prices. It is simple, grammatically flawed, but in proper reference to the discussion. However, he should have used more sentences in the presentation to increase the GRA score. One sentence per idea always works best.

The first sentence of the second paragraph is confusing due to its length. It should be stated more directly since it is a topic sentence. Hence:

From my point of view, there are more disadvantages attached to these advantages.

Done. Clear and concise. The way the topic sentence should be.

The essay has syntax and sentence structure issues that will affect the final score. The writer needs to make sure to improve in these areas going forward.

Graduate / Software Engineering - statement of purpose [2]

While the program does not require work experience, some sort of related training or internship experience would help the applicant prove that she has a relevant practical experience that will help her succeed in completing the course. While the undergraduate studies provide the academic foundation, hands-on experience will prove the relevant career path of the applicant. Revising the essay to include such information will help strengthen that foundation.

The reasons the applicant prounded for studying in Finland are more tourist based. The consideration should be more related to the academic goals of the student. What considerations set Finland apart from your home country? What career preparations relate to this choice? Why Finland? For what purpose?

The rest of the issues of the essay have to do with grammar, something that only a professional editor can help the writer fix.

Writing Feedback / We live in an age when unnecessary things are our only necessities - CBEST Writing Test [4]

In the case of a CBEST expressive aim essay, the writer must do his best to write a 5 paragraph essay. The number of paragraphs will allow him to fully express his ideas in a manner that gives him room to develop his presentation. The high scoring rewards come fully developed 4-5 paragraphs, with 5 paragraphs offering the best scoring potential.

The thesis statement for this essay is weak. The writer does not clearly state the reasons he will be expanding upon in the essay. The writer stops short of thoroughly presenting acceptable reasons as the basis of the discussion. This has limited the clarity of the paragraph.

As the writer is trying to become an educator in California,I have to say that he failed to achieve his aim. The writing sounds like an ESL high school level student wrote the paper rather than a trained educator. The tone and reasoning is too juvenile for the target audience.

Scholarship / Essay AAS : Why did you choose your proposed course and institution*? Master Epidemiology [2]

In response to your question, allow me to cite the AAS policy on this matter. The ruling states that:

Double Master's degrees are permitted only when both are included
in the institution's original offer and both courses can be completed
within two years.

It may be in your best interest to choose, related courses located in the same university in this case. Though not specifically stated, a direct connection between the courses will best satisfy this requirement.


This term is defined as to deprive of courage, strength, determination, or confidence; upset. I believe you chose the wrong word to describe your emotion. Perhaps say you were inspired instead? I am certain you did not want to use a negative term here.

Writing Feedback / Consumption of chicken - IELTS WRITTING TASK 1: LINE GRAPH [2]

A listing of the data for comparison should be indicated in the summary overview. The listing is used to assist the reader when reading the trending summary in the next part of the presentation. Without the previous listing, the reason for indicating the number of items in the summary becomes unimportant and irrelevant. Only when the complete listing is included does the importance of the high and low trends in the general trending statement become useful in the presentation.

With regards to the trending statement, the writer should follow the line trend in the creation of the report. A trend is composed of the high and low measurements in the graph. So the mention should be for the highest and lowest points in the graph, even if the items to be indicated are not the same. Additionally, the reference to European in the trending paragraph is out of place. The writer was referring to the region itself, which is Europe, the residents are called Europeans. He was referring to the country rather than the people so the regional reference should have been used instead. He may have also used the reference "European market" instead to clearly refer to the sales of the items within the region.

He must take more care when writing and reporting on terms from the image. There is no "lamp" indicated. The sales of "lamb" were discussed though. These types of spelling errors are the kind that show a lack of proof reading, editing, and disinterest in providing a paper that will score highly. The errors here indicate that the writer is not interested in getting a passing score, he just wants to complete the test.

The first completion of writing is known as the draft. The writer is expected to review his writing for spelling errors and sentence improvements. He must correct those errors. Then, he must revierw it again for polishing with additional information that may have been missed the first time and other mistakes that might have previously been missed. Another correction should follow after this. Only after a 2 review process should the writer be a bit confident to pass the paper for grading. Do not just aim to complete the writing. Aim to complete a properly proof-read and edited paper for a higher passing score.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: The provided illustration depicts the information about the making of leather prced. [3]

At 163 words, the writer still has room to improve his presentation paragraphs. Just to be clear, he could have done a better job at presenting the summary overview since it is way too short for the presentation. The summary should have at least 2 sentences in the presentation or 40 words. It must be more descriptive in relation to the content of the image. He should have done come up with a summary overview that was similar in the number of sentences to the trending statement.

Work on developing better sentence presentations. The writer has the right idea in the paragraphs. He does his best to present his thoughts in a coherent manner, but his lack of control over the sentence presentations tend to blur and confuse the reader. The reader has to read the passage several times before finally understanding what he is trying to say. It is imperative that he does his best to improve his sentence structures so that he can get his message across in a manner that will avoid GRA deductions.

Letters / Motivation Letter - Research Master in Business - Maastricht University - The Netherlands [2]

The response essay needs to be better structured by creating a clear relationship between the courses of interest to the applicant and his skills gained in both the undergraduate and professional levels. By creating a connected discussion between these areas, the applicant will manage to create a more cohesive presentation that underlines his skills development in relation to the program requirements. The integrated information should help the writer indicate how he sees the program helping him become successful in the future. It is difficult for the reviewer to make the connection based on the current presentation due to the lack of integrating factors. Rather than discussing these individually, the candidate must work on presenting the skills and study expectations in a combined manner instead. The paper will come out shorter that way, while being more informative and focused in information presentation.

The writer appears to have the qualifications for a valid candidate. The problem is that he presented it in a manner that proves hard to keep track of. The realization of how these all connect to create a strong candidate is what he should try to improve upon in the revised presentation. Integrate, do not separate the information for the benefit of the reviewer.

Undergraduate / MY PLANET - A Common App Essay; what sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding [2]

Well, the choice of topic is good- how to help the environment and the birth of an environmentalist. However, the basis of the awakening is not really impressive nor highly convincing. The simple actions to address your environmental concerns are not really impressive due to the common steps taken. I was more impressed by the coconut husk cement replacement reference. It was really notable and I wish you had pursued that line more during your studies. It had potential in relation to the prompt foundation.

One of my concerns is that you used a few terms that did not make sense to me because these were not written in English and did not have translations. These are:



I believe these are in your native language right? These should have been better explained to the reviewer for a better understanding of its relevance to the discussion. The essay should have been witten in pure English for clarity. You seem to have mistakenly assumed that the reviewers speak the same language as you do.

Graduate / Statement of purpose - I'm applying for master's in health informatics. [3]

The piust paragraph gives a clear motivational basis for the choice of master's course. Though not grammatically perfect, the paragraph gets its message across. This actually the main issue throughout the presentation. Incorrect spelling and grammar issues abound. These affect the professional aspect of the presentation. It brings into question the ability of the student to with academic papers. Do not forget to have your paper professionally edited once you have finalized the content to clean up grammar problems.

It is not necessary to indicate any grade problems in the presentation unless specified. That does not have any bearing on the final outcome of your undergraduate course in relation to your masters qualifications. Instead, highlight the accomplishments and recognition of your thesis instead as that will highlight your advanced studies skills.

Scholarship / Community development courses - Why did you choose your proposed course and institution? [2]

AAS is focused on the development of industry leaders in relation to the development goals of the country and career advancement of the applicant. By indicating that you want to study these courses based solely on your spirit of volunteerism and community service, the reviewer may decide that your intentions are good but the lack of relevant work experience will prove to be a problem.

How do the course choices relate to your non- community service background? There is no reference to how or why you should be considered as prepared to take or study these courses. Your excitement to learn is negated by your lack of relevant undergraduate studies. While the intention to study is strong, your qualifiers are non-existent. You may not qualify for any of the programs you have chosen.

Writing Feedback / Travel around a city - IELTS WRITING TASK 1: The table and bar chart [2]

I am not sure what you mean by"raised" in reference to the city transportation. Since there is no image for comparison to your statement, I am left confused by that sentence. In an actual test, you will receive deductions for every confusing sentence written. Such GRA problems will result in a failing score for that section. Always assume a lack of image on the part of the audience then formulate the report accordingly.

There is no need to reference the other image as "also" since it does not refer to information related to the first image. The nest image should have a different and stand-alone presentation. The wrong connecting word or transition reference was used in this case.

Overall, the writer has not developed an understandable analytical uport. He has clearly shown that he has a problem when it comes to English sentence development and word usage. These are areas of concern that he must focus on.

Writing Feedback / Peer Review Eliminating Medication Overload Research Paper [2]

Establish the foundation for the research paper and information in a better manner. Create a more solid and interesting opening statement first. That means the actual discussion and citations should be present in the 2nd paragraph instead of the first. For the opening section explain why the overprescription should be considered a pandemic, what sort of effects it has on patients, why it should be stopped, and possible ways of preventing it. Give a discussion overview first, then begin the major and minor discussions in the next / succeeding paragraphs. As of now, there is no real intention behind this paper this would create a need for someone to beinterested in its content. While the information is useful, the establishing facts need to be presented first.

There is a sense of the writer not being interested in the writing itself. Save for the use of constant citations which helped to actually create paragraphs, there would not be any useful content in the paper. Where is the writers analysis of the given data? What does the writer understand the text to mean? Aside from the researched work of others, why did the writer not conduct any personal research, surveys, and interviews to establish a general opinion based on first hand information? These would have helped better establish the paper as valid and authoritative.

Writing Feedback / Discuss some advantages of handmade products over machine- made products [2]

The prompt restatement does not follow the flow of the original presentation. The first sentence is not in line with the orginal topic presentation. Due to task accuracy considerations, it is always important that the writer does not include a personal opinion, insight, or non-prompt related information. That means, any added and unsupported information will not help the score but will result in deductions instead.

Though the writer does not provide structurally sound sentences, the reader will manage to understand his ideas and thoughts. The focus of the discussion is never lost. However, a task 2 essay only requires 2 reasoning paragraphs for this type of prompt. The 4th paragraph should have been a concluding summary, not a final discussion topic. The missing conclusion could result in an automatic failing score as the required format was not provided by the writer.

Research Papers / Endocrine Disruptors and Micro Plastics: Or How I Learned To Love The Homosexual Frogs [3]

There needs to be a more simplified version of this research paper. While the topics have common ground, the presentation tends to be tremendously wordy. Try to keep a balance between a layman's understanding and a scientist perspective. Remember that paragraphs that ramble do not serve a purpose in explaining your point. Truth is, you pretty much know what the problems of your research paper are. So you can fix the known problems of the paper.

The good part is that you have produced an imaginative, sometimes downright scary depiction of how man can hunt and kill himself. Try to lighten the heart attack inducing descriptions if you can manage to. Be more informative and engaging. Let's have less of Stephen King. Ha ha ha !

Research Papers / New Hope for Depression Sufferers: a rough draft [2]

The first problem that this essay has is related to the number of in-text citations that each paragraph contains. A typical research paper should not have more than 30% of citations within it. This paper contains more than 50% of citations with some paragraphs sometimes composed of nothing but successive citations. This is a problem because the student does not make an effort to try and represent a personal understanding of the references. He simply moves on to the next discussion point. Therefore the learning element on the part of the writer is lost. The professor has noway of assessing if the student understood the provided information at all.

The second problem of the essay is its over-reaching research focus. I believe that the paper can use a bit more narrowing down in terms of topic and outcome. That way less citations will be needed and more discussions of target topics can be presented.

Writing Feedback / I am writing to express my interest in applying for second-cycle degree in the Data Science program [3]

I do not get a true sense of being motivated to study this course as a 2nd degree on your part. The writer needs to prove that there is an actual connection between Genetics and Bioengineering and Biological Data Analysis as it applies to Data science and Math. Being a fresh graduate, you should have had a clear opportunity to merge the 2 fields, even on an experimental basis at some point. Discuss that point clearly and then, explain how Biological Data Analysis will help you further your interests in the field. What doyou specifically want to learn about and why? How does it relate toa career goal? you touch very lightly on these aspects in this essay. Make these your only focus instead.

Writing Feedback / What would you do to help the victims of natural disaster ? [2]

You can never cite yourself in an essay or any other witten work. Only other information references and people may be used as other data or opinion sources. Therefore, it is grammatically incorrect to say


. Only first person pronoun references can be used when stating a personal opinion, insight, or information gleaned from personal knowledge and / or experiences.

Areas of the presentation neglect the use of the aforementioned pronouns as well. Thus, creating a confusing sentence. Who is the speaker? It is not difficult to keep track of whois speaking and referring to the person properly. That is the writers main concern in relation to written thought clarity.

The sentences are not well developed in areas of subject-verb agreement as well. Though I can fill in the blanks being an English native speaker, an ESI will have difficulty understanding certain sentences in this paragraph / statement.

Writing Feedback / When children become adults, their social behavior is radically different than it was in the past [2]

The essay will automatically receive a failing score because it does not adhere to the provided discussion requirements which are:

- What are the main differences between young children's social behavior and that of adults?
- To what extent are the changes that take place good?

While the restatement is aligned with the orginal, the thesis basis is unrelated to the orginal questions. These errors in response are what created the failing score scenario for this essay. The response format was very important in this case. Specific references to the changes and the positive extent statement based on a personal opinion, without a public opinion reference should have been directly represented. It was the lack of proper responses that made that section fail due to prompt alterations in the opinion response.

Now, since the reasoning paragraphs are in accordance with the questions, these could help the essay achieve a base passing score but no more than that. The final score will also be affected by the lack of wordcount in the concluding summary.That paragraph needs at least 40 words or 2 sentences to meet the scoring requirement.

Scholarship / AAS ESSAY-WHY DID YOU CHOOSE YOUR PROPOSED COURSE AND INSTITUTION ? MASTER OF SCIENCE IN AGRICULTURE [2]

The essay is over the character count by almost 100 characters. There is a 2000 character limit for this essay. The writer will definitely have to revise the essay by shortening the content presentation. It may be possible that he will need to write a new essay because that will be easier than trying to edit an already existing essay.

The essay itself is too wordy without actually needing to be so. There are instances of over.information and unnecessary lecturing of the reviewers throughout the explanation. These must be edited out as the reviewers do not have the time to go through all that relevant material when thousands of applicants are waiting for assessment as well.

Focus on 2 things in the revision:
- Goal of study
- Individual and expanded reasons for the univeristy choices.

Write no more than 5 paragraphs. One for every university is a must.

Writing Feedback / The table and pie chart give information about population in Australia according to different nation [2]

When writing the summary overview it is important that the information prounded in individualized. It must never be a part of a run on sentence. The word "and" cannot be used as a transition word when dealing with or indicating 2 different sets of information as in those related to a table and pie chart. Though related by topic, these are not related by information. Hence, the need to separate the image presentations.

The general trend as presented only focused on the highs. While acceptable ,the most accurate representation in this paragraph would be a general reference to the highs and lows of each image. This to show a summarized analysis on the part of the writer.

The reporting paragraphs show a lack of sentence development skills in his writing. He has mistaken run-on sentences for complex sentences. The paragraphs are mostly compressed idea presentations that cannot qualify as simple or complex. There should be at least 3 sentence presentations per paragraph. These paragraphs do not come across as trely analyzed due to the sentence format situation.

Writing Feedback / TASK1 MANUFACTURING INSTANT NOODLES [2]

Avoid redundancies in word usage. Distinct and different are similar in reference in this case as there are 8 different, thus distinct, steps in the manufacturing procedure. This may have an adverse effect on the LR scoring considerations. The trending statement is also missing in this presentation. That should be a strong and obvious reference towards the end of the summary. Reviewing the text again, it appears that the writer will benefit from further separating his summary sentences into individual topic references so that he can properly word the trending statement. As of now, that is clearly missing from the reference. The lack of image upload prevents me from showing the writer an example of how this can be done.

The second instructional paragraph seems to be missing some information. While flour is mentioned as having a specific number, he did not refer to the actual measurement which I assume was referenced in the original presentation. The lack of complete information makes the sentence incomplete and difficult to understand.

Why is there a sudden reference to canned noodles? The original simply said instant noodles. If these were to be canned, then that reference should have been indicated in the summary to create a proper and complete overview of the process from beginning to end. Such sudden appearances of information will tend to confuse the reader.

Writing Feedback / Task 2 : NOWADAYS ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS BEING USED TO DRIVE CAR. [2]

The prompt paraphrase and direct question responses that comprise the personal opinion are all incorrect. The prompt restatement is nowhere near the original as it changed the topic from artificial intelligence driving cars to advertisements for self driving cars. Those are 2 immensely different topic focuses that only have artificially driven cars as a commonality. The subjects of the discussion are correct, but the topic reference is incorrect. The reference point is how articial intelligence is now being used to drive cars. As for the personal opinion, there are no direct reference topics that can be perceived as answers to the question provided. The writer did an inefficient job in the first paragraph and these will reflect in the low TA score for that section.

The writer tends to go off topic when introducing his discussion points. He must lose the habit of creating long but irrelevant introductions and instead, go directly to the topic of his discussion. Use topic sentences as an introduction to create efficient paragraph presentations. This can be specifically seen in the first reasoning paragraph where it took him 2 sentences to get to the point. The paragraph was disconnected between the first 2 sentences and the succeeding presentation in the paragraph.

If the writer will refocus his writing skills properly, he will be able to pass the test. He has shown that he can (sometimes) stick to the point and fully discuss a given question. However, he needs to learn to stop being distracted by side discussions that he accidentally (or intentionally) presents. Those will lower his overall score.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 TOPIC: GOVERNMENT AND SOCIETY [4]

The writer has written more than the required wordcount, but failed to proofread, edit, and discuss the given topic in the assigned format. From spelling errors, incorrect word usage, and disconnected reasoning paragraphs, the writer could have avoided these scoring deductions if he did not prioritize the word count over the quality of the presentation. I need not point out these obvious errors. The student should be able to easily spot these avoidable mistakes if he takes the time to review the paper now.

The writer even goes so far as to alter the topic foundation by offering his personal opinion in the first sentence of the restatement. A big no - no that always results in point deductions. The opinion is always at the end of that paragraph, consolidated with the thesis statement.

The provided discussions do not assess the public s against the writer's previously given statement. To presenta cohesive discussion, the public opinion must be considered along with his apposition or support in the paragraph. General discussions like these are seen as personal opinion alone in most cases. Without the paragraph comparisons, these will only be scored in a limited manner.

Writing Feedback / Describe a dream country where wish visit many times [3]

The instruction asks the writer to talk about a country that he would like to visit repeatedly. That is totally the opposite of what the statement contains. The work is in error as it discusses a country where the author wants to live. That incorrect representation totally changes the information focus.

Grammatical errors in relation to sentence formatting are also present. There seems to be a confusion as to when the writer should use "is or "are". He must review the verb usage rules for the aforementioned words. He should also review the rules for past and present tense usage. More importantly, he must avoid hanging sentence presentations in the statement. Not all of his sentences have clear subject- verb agreements either.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Nowadays it is more important to plant trees in open spaces in towns and cites [3]

There are clear problem points in the opening restatement. The first problem is that the writer is exaggerating the statement from the original by using inflammatory words such as "controversy" and "provokes heated debate". Neither claim is referenced in the original so the restatement has become inaccurate. An idea was presented so, an idea should be restated. Second among the other problems of this essay are the use of the original reference topic


. The writer did not even try to restate the information in a different way. As such the restatement will fail due to the cut and paste / memorized reference. However, the miter provided a well established opinion + thesis statement. That reduced the amount of deductions in that paragraph.

The next problem that will cause additional deductions is the inclusion of a solution in the summary conclusion. As there is no requirement indicated for such a statement, this will be seen as a prompt alteration and relevant discussion. This section must only contain a paraphrasing of previous discussion points.

Writing Feedback / Writing Task2: The advantages and disadvantage of children's horticulture and livestock activities [4]

Please try not to overwrite in the essays. The rule of thumb is to produce no more than 308 words for the essay. The scores are based on the concise, meaning short, but clear explanations of supporting reasons. It will be difficult to replicate this kind of writing in a40 menute test that focuses on several scoring considerations. The word count is not included in the scoring.

Good work in the restatement + opinion presentation. It is acceptable but will not receive the bonus points applied for having actual reasons indicated as a part of the thesis statement. Always aim for additional clarity in this section for that purpose.

The reasons provided are not cohesive. These do not represent valid discussion points since the writer was not able to provide opposing reasons that prove the stated disadvantages are actually advantages. That is the expected discussion route for this essay format. The error was in the first reasoning paragraph as it relates to children's health. Had the focus been on farmwork, then the 2 paragraphs would have had a better connection.