Undergraduate / "My father" - essay topic #3-an important person and the impact on you [8]

Please proof read it. Any feedback or critcism is greatly appreciated.
I am concerned about the length of this essay(about 850 words). Do you think it lacks readability because of its length. Do you think some detail needs to be removed or added.

Thanks a lot in advance.

Prompt:Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

"I did it! I was admitted by that high school" After knowing the news, I rejoiced with happy tears. Having conquered the toughest barrier this time, I was one step closer to my dream held for five years. Yes, it was a dream having occupied me for five years, a dream that would never be proposed without the help of my father.

My father is my first and most significant mentor in my life, who, in my mind, symbolizes wisdom, charm and experience. Although he is just an unknown middle school teacher, he has exerted the most positive influence on me with his unbelievably broad and distinctive perspective.

Seven years ago, when I was watching the documentary film of Famous Universities around the World, my father asked me "which university would you like to go". I replied, "Well, as long as I am admitted into a university, I will be satisfied. I have thought of the most prestigious universities such as Tsinghua and Peking University in China, but you know these universities are impossible for me to get in. They are even not real in my world since they are all in big cities thousands of miles away from my isolated small village." My father moved his lips but uttered no word. The conversation gradually faded away from my memory since I was soon preoccupied with planning my summer vacation three months later.

To my great surprise, my father intended to take me to Beijing during my holiday. It was marvelous for me! Never had I ever been to anywhere 100 miles away from my small town, not to say the capital city 1000 miles away, I was eager to explore the outside world. "It would be my first time to live in a luxurious hotel." I imagined with great joy on the train to Beijing. However, I was shocked to see a shabby basement lodging room inside the well-known Tsinghua University. The moldy taste spreading over the dark room was a great contrast to the freshly mown grass on campus. "What a hell it is! How could you arrange such a room for me?" I shouted. Hearing my complaint, he calmly began his "preaching", "You need to know that in order to arrange this travel for you, the whole family is suffering from financial burden. So it is gratitude rather than complaint that you ought to express for this invaluable experience. Think about your cousin, who might still be grazing the sheep or helping cultivate the land for your uncle. Actually, just like George Bernard Shaw said before, 'The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for circumstances they want, and if they cannot find them, they make them. ' " Hearing what he said, I stood still near the door for a long time, lost in meditation. Indeed, I need to be thankful. Anyway, the better life of one person is not created by others but by one's own hands.

In the next few days, I wandered around in picture-like campus of Tsinghua with my father. Each part of the campus came into my eyes, frame by frame, like a scroll of film being pulled open slowly. One frame was two people playing badminton, my favorite sport, in a modern gymnasium. Another one was a woman reading a book in concentration between a mirror-like lake and a poetic hill. These frames depicted my ideal life exactly. "I have a hunch that I am supposed to study here." I blurted out these words as my father was taking pictures around campus. "Great, then follow your heart. Set it as your goal if you really like Tsinghua. You said Tsinghua was not real in your world before but now you are here and you see, something that seemed impossible is not necessarily so."

Back from the trip, the dream of learning in Tsinghua University got rooted in my heart. With the guidance of the goal, I kept making progress. From an isolated village's kindergarten to a town's elementary school, from a small city's middle school to an international city's well-known high school, all steps forward, inconceivable in others' eyes, were natural for me since they are the integral components of my dream.

Finally, I managed to get into one of the most prestigious high schools in China. Becoming more sophisticated and experienced, I have gradually found that Tsinghua University is not what I really want and universities in the United States suit me more. I like universities that offer exciting broad range of courses. I like universities where philosophies and the ways of thinking of different people from around the world work upon and depend on one another. These are what is emphasized in the universities of the United States but what lacks in those of China. Though it seems that my five-year dream might never come true if I study abroad, it does not matter as I still stick to the principle behind my goal, a principle that was formed under the influence of my father: never giving up your dream.

Undergraduate / Why engineering-an experience that sparked your interest in engineering [6]

please proof read it and tell me about the quality of writing.
Any comment or criticism is welcomed.

Prompt: Describe an experience that sparked your interest in engineering.

My interest in engineering, environmental engineering actually comes from a river near my house originally. Flowing into Grand Canal, the river is encompassed by wheat fields stretching to the horizon. The small river was my relaxation heaven. Early in the morning many years ago, I would jog along the riverside through footpath dotted with beautiful wild flowers. The view of poplars across the river faded in and out of the refreshing morning mist in front of my eyes, giving me an impression of wonderland.

However, several years later, everything about the river changed. A chemical factory was set up near the river. Slowly, the pristine river became feculent; beautiful flowers and refreshing mist that I got so accustomed to eventually disappeared. Witnessing the bad environment condition of the river, my heart was broken. I really hoped to stop the river from deterioration, but with little knowledge about environmental engineering, I could do nothing but felt sorry for it. After that painful experience, I realized the importance of environmental engineering, a useful subject that helped preserve good environment and create better living habitat for all the species. Out of interest, I began to explore the realm of engineering by reading Juvenile Science and other science magazines. Through the massive reading, I learned much knowledge about engineering, but the rudimentary information I received gave me more puzzles and triggered my burning desire to discover more about engineering in the university.

Now, I occasionally go to the river from my childhood. The falling river takes me back to those bygone days when I went there for inspirations of writing or math problems on sunny or drizzling days, when clear ripples and endless rippling wheat created an ideal place for my thoughts to gallop. The river was an indispensable part of my life. I really hope I could cure it someday.

Undergraduate / Tufts Supplement-what voice will you add to the Class of 2014 [5]

Hello, everyone, here are three essays for Tufts.
Please express your feeling about them and proof read them.
Any comment and critique is greatly appreciated.

1.Self-identity and personal expression take many forms. For example, music, clothing, politics, extracurricular interests, and ethnicity can each be a defining attribute. Use the richness of your life to give us insight: what voice will you add to the Class of 2014? (200 words)

I love to cook traditional Chinese food. Since elementary school I began to cook dinner for myself because my parents worked late until 7:00 p.m. and they could not prepare food for me before dinner time. Several years later, no longer making the instant noodles or simple cold dishes that could only appease my hunger; I was able to prepare several dishes for the whole family.

Cooking gives me ample opportunities to explore the depth of Chinese culinary art, which emphasizes the perfect combinations of color, smell and taste. I try to create new dishes such as Eggplant and Egg because turning something imaginative in my mind into reality always enchants me. The cooking pleasure comes mostly from my grandmother's kitchen. My grandma still cooks using the traditional Chinese cauldron, three feet in diameter, which can hold food for the whole big family. Usually at her kitchen, I set the wood on fire on the stove and enjoy the picture of fire bouncing happily under the cauldron. After a while, cooking oil begins sputtering in the pot and the sound of oil mixes with the crackle of firewood, making a euphonious symphony. Then, I put the freshly picked vegetables into the wok before a big cloud of steam, fixed with fragrance, arises and fans my face. Such magical experience always brings me into my paradise, where everything is unimportant but cooking.

For the past 18 years, I have already laid a good foundation of Chinese culinary art; I hope to explore cuisines of different cultures in international Tufts University, where I am able to interact with diverse student bodies and to bring my rich cooking skills to the whole Tufts community.

2.Describe the environment in which you were raised--your family, home, neighborhood or community--and how it influenced the person you are today.(200 words)

Village born and village bred, I have special affections for farmland, sheep and irrigation canals. Except my parent, nearly every other members of my big family make a living by cultivating land in typical Chinese hamlets, with no public facilities and descent buildings but paddies and shabby houses. The farming experience, though hard, shaped my habits and had a positive impact on me.

Since I was young at around ten years old, I had helped my relatives farming in weekends or holidays. Although I was alarmed at the disgusting leeches in the paddy field at first, I took courage to help with farm work after realizing that even my younger cousins worked in the paddy. They were indeed "professional" in farming as they often helped their parents with farm works. Influenced by their good performances, I was not self-satisfied about my small accomplishment and tried to finish my job better.

Though I am studying outside my previous village now, I am sure the experiences of that period will be imprinted on my mind forever. Rural life has turned me into a brave and independent man. What is more, I have got the habit of challenging myself and being better.

3.People face challenges every day. Some make decisions that force them beyond their comfort levels. Maybe you have a political, social, or cultural viewpoint that is not shared by the rest of your school, family, or community. Did you find the courage to create a better opportunity for yourself or others? Were you able to find the voice to stand up for something you passionately supported? How did you persevere when the odds were against you?

Two hours, few ties were sold. Suffering from inexorable sunburn of Shanghai in July, three of us had been peddling hoarse. A member complained, "I cannot bear the organizers of Business Challenge of Fudan University Model United Nations. How can they arrange three of out nine competition teams in such a small public square? It makes selling these bizarre ties even harder."

"How about cooperate with them?" I blurted as pointing those two teams wandering over there. "It is absurd. You are taking risk!" my two teammates opposed immediately, "We are taking part in the competition, not the mutual aid game." Believing my view to be right, I replied, "I discovered that people who showed not interests to ties of one team were soon approached by other teams. As all our ties are the same, from the organizing committee, other teams cannot win those show-no-interests people easily, making such actions the waste of time and energy. Cooperation is beneficial for all three teams as it will expand the team scale and selling efficiency." Impressed by my logic, the other two members showed their interests and supports. We got to the other two teams and expressed out sincerity. Before long, a super team came into being.

Our three-people "irregular army" involved into nine-people "regular army" with collective ties, intelligence and clearly defined labor. Because of adequate hands, we were able to carry out our sell more easily. Using a long-narrow no drawer table borrowed from a nearby shop, we set up our "stronghold" at one corner of the square. Our big "squad" soon attracted people's attentions and the dealing carried on unexpectedly smoothly. Within an hour and a half, we sold all the thirty seven ties. At last, we three teams were tied for first place among all the nine teams.

I was proud of that cooperation, which saved three disadvantaged teams.

These three essays are time-cunsuming to finish reading. Appreciate your time and comment.

Undergraduate / Why Northwestern-Why do you want to attend this university? [NEW]

Hello, guys!
please help me proofread this essay. Any comment and critique is greatly appreciated!
Thanks in advance!

Prompt: What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?

My first impression about Northwestern University came from the Rock in the campus. In a book mentioning Northwestern, the Rock with pictures and messages all over it caught my attention at the first sight. Generally, painting on the public property means vandalism. In Northwestern, however, "painting the Rock" has continued for half a century as a tradition. This showed me how much freedom the school endows to its students. I had a hunch that Northwestern would be suitable for me, a student longing for freedom and independence. With curiosity and interest, I began exploring Northwestern University through the website. After the excitement of purple color and metropolis Chicago faded, I realize that NU is exactly my choice.

When I was young, I would always jog along a river near my house. Clear ripples and endless rippling wheat nearby created an ideal place for my thoughts to gallop. The beautiful river gave me ample memories and happiness. However, several years later, a chemical factory was set up near the river. Slowly, the pristine river became feculent and beautiful flowers and refreshing mist that I got so accustomed to eventually disappeared. Witnessing the bad environment condition of the river, my heart was broken. I really hoped to stop my beloved river from deterioration, but with little knowledge about environmental engineering, I could do nothing but felt sorry for it. After that painful experience, I realized the importance of environmental engineering, a useful subject that helps to preserve good environment and to create better living habitat for all the species. Later through the massive reading, I learned much knowledge about engineering, but the rudimentary information I received gave me more puzzles about it and triggered my burning desire to further explore the realm of engineering.

I hope to solve those puzzles and continue my exploration of engineering in the McCormick School of Engineering and Applied Science. As an cutting-edge department placing a unique emphasis on design, with client-based projects starting in the first year, McCormick will not only give me rigorous courses and knowledge that will be applied in the future career but also let me strengthen the practical skills from the very beginning, a very important trait of qualified engineers. Engineer, as I perceive it, should contribute time and energy to the society and help build a better world (the ideas came from the very beginning when I hoped to cure that polluted river near my house). Thus, McCormick's special interest club Engineers for a Sustainable World is an irresistible attraction to me. I believe I can fully engage myself in educational programs and volunteer activities of ESW, a perfect match of my personal interest and future ambition.

During four years of university time, I want the opportunity to take more classes or even double-major. After all, challenge shapes university (As an international student, I disagree with the opinion that students who are not native speakers might find courses hard in the first one or two years and thus should not take more courses or double major. ) At this point, the quarter system in Northwestern and Combined BS/MS Program in McCormick are exactly what I need. Northwestern University will make me at home and I hope to fulfill my potential and make my own contributions there.

Undergraduate / Duke Sup-why you want to study engineering and why you want to study at Duke [2]

Hi, everyone! Please help me proofread the essay. Any comment and critique is appreciated! Thanks in advance!

Prompt: If you are applying to the Pratt School of Engineering of Duke, please discuss why you want to study engineering and why you would like to study at Duke.

My interest in environmental engineering comes from my experiences of a river near the house where I grew up. Flowing into Grand Canal, the river is encompassed by wheat fields stretching to the horizon. It was my relaxation heaven throughout my childhood. Early in the morning, I would jog along the riverside through footpath dotted with beautiful wild flowers. The view of poplars across the river faded in and out of the refreshing morning mist, giving me an impression of wonderland. Clear ripples and endless rippling wheat nearby created an ideal place for my thoughts to gallop. The river was an indispensable part of my life. However, several years later, everything about the river changed. A chemical factory was set up near the river. Slowly, the pristine river became feculent; beautiful flowers and refreshing mist that I got so accustomed to eventually disappeared. Witnessing the bad environment condition of the river, my heart was broken.

I really hoped to stop my beloved river from deterioration, but with little knowledge about environmental engineering, I could do nothing but felt sorry for it. After that painful experience, I realized the importance of environmental engineering, a useful subject that helps to preserve good environment and to create better living habitat for all the species. Out of interest, I began to explore the realm of engineering by reading Juvenile Science and other science magazines. Through the massive reading, I learned much knowledge about engineering, but the rudimentary information I received gave me more puzzles about it and triggered my burning desire to further explore the realm of engineering. My curiosity and desire pushes me to find universities and colleges that will quench my thirst.

Duke University is exactly what I need. I first learned about Duke about three years ago in a TV program called Top Talk, to which Duke Principal Richard Brodhead was invited. The fact that relatively young Duke shares the similar reputation with old universities like Harvard and Yale really surprised me. When Brodhead said that "as a school on 'upward trajectory', Duke never satisfied with how it is now; it's always looking for a way to get better", deep in mind I knew, as a man of great initiative and ambition, that Duke would be my first choice of university. I hope to major in engineering at Pratt while minoring in another subject (maybe Environmental Science and Policy) and Duke will surely make me feel at home because it committed to interdisciplinary courses and research, as show in Making a Difference plan. In Duke, I can cheer on Blue Devils while partake in Tennis. I can serve through while learn from Duke Engage. Undoubtedly, Duke is an ideal place for me to fulfill my potential and make my own contributions.

Writing Feedback / Why Harvey Mudd College-This student asked and answered his own question [4]

Hello! Can anyone help me to proofread this essay? Any comment and harsh critique is greatly appreciated!

P. S. This is a why essay for Harvey Mudd College, which do not ask for a why essay. Can anyone tell me is it a wise choice to write an additional why essay for schools that do not ask for such essays.

This student asked and answered his own question-that the admission committee should have asked but didn't. The question was: "Why are you interested in HMC?

Liberal art education has fascinated me for long. My desire of going all the way across Pacific Ocean to the United States for higher education comes from this distinctive education. In my country China, students are required to choose their majors as soon as they enter universities and have to focus on the chosen majors throughout four years of lives without possibilities of changing the major. Such education discourages me since I believe the purpose of education is to train "all-around people" instead of "skilled workers and particular practitioners". Thus, I hope to do extensive exploring in a variety of fields and to develop my comprehensive competence and good habits of mind. On the other hand, I hope to learn more about engineering, which has intrigued me ever since the time my beloved river was polluted (I have elaborate my story with the river on "Why engineering" essay).

It seemed there was no perfect solution to my dilemma since I believed liberal art education and specific engineering education did not reconcile with each other. As I felt depressed about my tricky situation, one of the upperclassmen introduced Harvey Mudd College to me. Knowing its unique liberal art education combined with engineering major, I realized that HMC is exactly my choice. Providing solid core curriculum and engineering program, Mudd will surely make me an effective engineer who has a good understanding of history and politics and knows how the work in engineering fits into the world. I want to be a qualified engineer with hands-on experience of designing, creating and transforming. Thus, the Clinic Program in HMC is an irresistible attraction to me. With the help of Clinic Program, not only will I be fully engaged in the solution of real-world problems, but I will gain practical knowledge in a global context. As an ambitious young man, I hope to fulfill my potential and make my own contributions at Harvey Mudd College.

Undergraduate / Why Middlebury-why do you choose environmental study and Middlebury [2]

Please help me proofread the essay.
Any critique is welcomed!

This student asked and answered his own question. The question is: "Why do you choose Environmental Study and why do you want to study at Middlebury College"

My interest in environmental studies comes from my experiences related to a river near the house where I grew up. The river is encompassed by wheat fields stretching to the horizon. Early in the morning, I would jog along the riverside through footpath dotted with beautiful wild flowers. The view of poplars across the river faded in and out of the refreshing morning mist, giving me an impression of wonderland. Clear ripples and endless rippling wheat nearby created an ideal place for my thoughts to gallop. However, several years later, everything about the river changed. A chemical factory was set up near the river. Slowly, the pristine river became feculent; beautiful flowers and refreshing morning mist that I got so accustomed to eventually disappeared. Witnessing the bad environmental conditions of the river, my heart was broken.

I really hoped to stop my beloved river from deterioration, but with little knowledge about the environment science, I could do nothing but feel sorry for it. After that painful experience, I truly realized, for the first time, the importance of environment science, a useful subject that helps to preserve a good environment and to create better living habitats for all the species. Later, through a massive amount of reading, I gained much knowledge about the field of environment and gradually developed my interest to the magical field.

Out of interest, I began to pay attention to the state of the environment nationally and internationally, from news of establishing a local chemical factory to science progress of waste treatment technology. Several years later, I entered high school in Suzhou, a city located in the richest part of China. I was amazed by the impressive scenery of countryside there; numerous factories in industrial parks occupy the space that is intended for farmland. Believing that so many factories would certainly influence local environment to some extent, I organized an interest group with several classmates to learn more about the environmental pollution in the developed area. We went to Kunshan Economic & Technological Development Zone (KETDZ) and brought back the water samples from Liu He to do a sampling survey. After conducting experiments in the school's chemical laboratory, we found, out of expectation that some basic items such as chromium and permanganate index are far beyond the standard level. Other places in Suzhou had similar results according to our investigations. Realizing the seriousness of environment condition in Suzhou, we were very concerned about steps Suzhou and other cities took to protect the environment. After thorough inquiries, we learned that some cities like Bao Ding and He Fei indeed took very strong measure, such as proposing the idea of eco-city in the Government Reports. However, they are still the minorities in China and most places did not fully realize the importance of environment protection. Witnessing the state of environment and measures people take locally and nationally, I felt obliged to make my own contribution to environmental problem.

A variety of experiences, either those from my hometown or those from my high school trigger my desire to explore more in the field of environment. At this point, Middlebury is exactly the place for me. As the first school in the United States establishing undergraduate Environment Studies major, Middlebury will undoubtedly satisfy my curiosity and eagerness with its rigorous courses. Numerous field studies locations, from Champlain Basin to Rocky Mountains, and many internship opportunities are also irresistible attractions to me.

At the beginning, ironically, Middlebury College intrigues me not because of its academic strength but because of its beautiful campus set off by poetic hills in the distance. After finding more about Middlebury behind the campus landscape through the website, I was amazed about environmental activism of Middlebury College. Produce from local farmers and school's organic gardens provides one fourth of the meals at school's dining halls; The biomass facility and the wind turbine in the campus will make Middlebury a climate neutral place before long. I am an active man hoping to create a "greener world" in the future. Thus, Middlebury's dedication to environmentally responsible practices is what I want since I hope to contribute my efforts to it through various programs and activities while to benefit from my involvement by getting first-hand knowledge that cannot be obtained from classes.

Undergraduate / Mac essay-Macalester College supplement about diversity [6]

Hello, guys! I do not know whether what I describe matches well the requirement of "diversity".Please help me improve my essay and correct my grammar error.

Prompt:Describe a situation where you had to work or closely associate with someone from a culture very different from your own. What challenges did you face and how did you resolve them?

As the train roared on the North China Plain, the familiar cornfield outside the window was replaced by paddy field, making me uncertain about the future. For the first time in my life, I left home alone for a month to learn English in a strange city. My destination is Shanghai New Oriental Language School, a place for learners all around the country. I had intended to improve my English there, but I benefited more from various cultures carried by different classmates.

In the class, I was only a middle school student while others came from high schools, if not universities. After I managed to approach them, with my sincerity and friendliness, I found myself in a group as diverse as I could imagine. We four students living and studying together is a good example of such diversity. One person is a member of Yi Ethnic Group; one comes from west China; one is local Shanghai resident while I come from a small village in Jiangsu Province.

Shen Zhi, who is Shanghai native, introduced the best restaurant nearby for our first meal together. We chatted, jested and laughed while eating. The food was so delicious that I felt ready to burst. However, Bai Li and Lu Qiu did not eat much. They came from places where Sichuan Cuisine prevails while the dishes served were Huaiyang Cuisine, which is very different from Sichuan Cuisine. Though Shen Zhi and I liked the Huaiyang Cuisine, which is famous in Shanghai and Jiangsu, Bai Li and Lu Qiu were not very accustomed to it. Feeling obliged to let Bai Li and Lu Qiu learn more about the food culture of my hometown, I, as an amateur of Chinese culinary art, began to introduce the Huaiyang Cuisine to them. From the cuisine's origin to its features, I tried to make what I was saying comprehensive and attractive. They showed so great interest in my topic that I felt they must had changed their attitude to Huaiyang Cuisine due to my effort. However, when I advised them to eat more food, they refused my good intention in a roundabout way, which made me very frustrated. Their reaction made me realize, for the first time, that cultures could influence other people but could not be imposed on others. After that, we four people often went to McDonald's to avoid divergence and displeasure to a certain cuisine of the traditional food.

During the one-month class, my English skills improved a lot with rigorous courses; however, what I learned more is something about culture. Different cultures met, collided and interacted everywhere around me, making me realize that cultures, with some traits that are irreconcilable, need tolerance and understanding of people. Like species, cultures are beautiful because of their diversity.

Undergraduate / 'the red shield logo' - Macalester supplement essay-why mac? [5]

This is my why Mac essay, I do not know if it is sincere and specific enough? Please help me. Grammar correction is also appreciated.

Prompt: What factors have led you to consider Macalester College? Why do you believe it may be a good match and what do you believe you can add to the Mac community, academically and personally? Feel free to draw on past experiences, and use concrete examples to support your perspective.

At first, Macalester College was not in my colleges list. Like most other Chinese applicants, I put much emphasis on universities in the west and east coasts of the United States believing that good locations of colleges matter a lot. It was then that I stumbled upon the Macalester; a college that changed my stereotype.

My first impression of Mac came from the red shield logo. When I first saw it in the website, the color and style of the logo reminded me of the delicate Chinese Knot and gave me a kind of cordial feeling. The highly individual logo triggered my desire to explore more about Mac. Before long I declared that I would go to Macalester College no matter how cold or remote it seemed to be (I love snow anyway).

As a person who have never been abroad before, I longing for broader perspectives and richer experience outside my circle. Reared in a small village in China, I have never stopped searching for more diverse communities since I believe associating with people of different ideas, traditions, religions and values is a precious experience. I kept moving to those places ever since I learned in a small village's elementary school. Through my constant efforts and strive, I am now at a high school in a big city with much a more diverse atmosphere. After meeting different people with distinctive background and perspectives and after benefiting from those interactions both academically and socially, I feel strongly that I need to further achieve my potential on a wider scope, thus Mac's emphasis on internationalism and multiculturalism is exactly what I need.

I hope to pursue my career in environmental science. Mac's dedication to sustainability and strength on environmental studies are another reason why I choose Mac. I am fascinated by its integrated and first-hand approach to environmental studies. Through diverse outdoor learning opportunities and field-based modules integrated into courses in both Katharine Ordway Natural History Study Area and Three River Center, I will develop myself into a qualified environmentalist, who need not only obtain knowledge from textbooks and class but from practical work and personal explorations.

On the other hand, I am attracted to school's commitment to addressing climate change. In such environment, I can make my own contributions to and obtain many professional skills from various projects and activities related to this noble career. The experiences will be especially enlightening and meaningful for me because of the internationalism in Mac. Environmental problem is never something local or regional. It involves different aspects that are related to the whole planet. In this sense, studying and exploring the environmental problem with global perspectives are indispensible.

I am also eager to be involved in Macalester community. Environmentalist, as I perceive it, should contribute time and energy to the society and help build a better world (the ideas came from the very beginning when I hoped to cure that polluted river near my house). Thus, Mac's student group, The Macalester Conservation and Renewable Energy Society, suits me perfectly. I believe I can fully engage myself in working experiences and volunteer activities of MacCARES, a perfect match of my personal interest and future ambition. Although my original good impression of Macalester College came from just the school logo, my intuition proved to be right after my future research. I hope to live my four years' college life in Macalester College and add my own strand to the fabric of the Macalester community in that forward-looking and open red shield.

Undergraduate / 'Responsibility shapes me' - Code honor-(Trintiy College essay) [3]

Feel free to comment and please help correct my grammar error.
I do not know whether this essay flow smoothly since some materials come some another essay?

Prompt-Trinity's Integrity Contract articulates our expectations of honesty, personal responsibility, active consideration of others, and respect for our community. What personal "integrity contract" do you employ in your own life?

Chinese society has highly valued code of conduct since two thousand years ago, when Confucius proposed the idea of "Li", a set of strict principles that define what honorable conduct of individuals is. Influenced by such traditional culture, I stick to various components of honor code naturally, from honesty to respect, since they have become my habits rather than obligations. Among all the standards, "responsibility" matters most as the pillar of my integrity contract.

My parents worked late every day and could not cook supper for me in time. One night many years ago, they did not arrive at home when it was 8 o'clock. Nearly driven mad by hunger, I ferreted in the kitchen for food but got nothing to eat except some raw vegetables and meat. It seemed I had to cook by myself. "No!" something echoed in my head, "cooking is not your responsibility! You are still a little boy. " However, the stereotype did not prevail over instinct. The instinct of eat urged me to cook. For the first time in my life, I became a chef. Though the food I cooked was very odd, it appeased my hunger after all. More importantly, I felt great when my parents, surprised and blessed, enjoyed my food.

Since then, my view towards responsibility changed. I began to assume more duties, which benefit others and me. This allows people to trust me and thus regard me as a responsible person. At school, I ran for monitor and commissary in charge of studies and held the positions for six years. The positions make me better realize who I am and what I can do despite heavy loads of work and duties. In addition, I got great pleasure from the responsibility, like the time when I sacrificed my lunchtime help classmates with their homework, when I volunteered in School Chorus Competition as a conductor, a role I was unfamiliar with but soon managed to master, when I found that no other classmates knew the conducting kills.

Responsibility shapes me. I devote myself to the integrity contract of responsibility, owing not as much to the requirement of traditional Chinese cultures, as on the fact that it brings me a rich and rewarding life.

Undergraduate / 'Wearing school uniform' - Haverford College Supplement-Honor Code [5]

Hello! I need your help. Please give me some advice to improve the essay,including the grammatical errors.
Any useful advice is welcomed! Thanks in advance!

Prompt: Write about an experience in which you encountered a tension between personal freedom and community standards. Discuss the experience and the underlying issues; how did you deal with the tension, and whether or not there was a satisfactory resolution.

The middle school I attended is strict both academically and socially. Every student is required to wear the school uniform during school time. Undoubtedly, the rule benefits students since uniforms can enhance team awareness and reduce comparison economically among students. Meanwhile, however, negative aspects of the stipulation annoy many students, including me.

In the elementary school, no one had forced me to wear the school uniform and the liberal environment there gave me ample room for self-expression through dress and manner. However, on the first day of middle school, the principal announced the must-wear-uniform rule. The community standards made me quite unhappy since it would be hard for me to wear whatever clothes I want and to better how my personality.

Before long, I regained the hope because the school would change the clothes policy, as I perceive it, if the majority of students opposed the rule (which is what I had expected). It seemed all I need to do was conform my perception and write a letter to the principal, persuading him to revise the uniform policy. As a monitor, I made a questionnaire with other peers and carried out an investigation among the freshmen of whether one needs to wear school uniform at school. Much out of our expectation, no party prevailed. Students were almost divided half by half concerning the uniform policy.

I realized, then, that there was no definite answer to that problem of whether to wear the school uniform; also, it seemed unnecessary to change the regulation according to everyone's benefits. Since the rule did not have to be revised, I tried to adapt myself to it. Although many years have passed, I can still remember that experience in middle school since strict rules there made me more disciplined and tolerant.

Here is another short "why essay"
Prompt: Why are you applying to Haverford? (No more than 200 characters)
From the liberal primary school to the diverse high school, I have been learning in schools known for respect and trust, which have shaped me. Haverford is a place where I will find these traits.

Undergraduate / Reed College Supplement-Why do you choose Reed [3]

Hi, guys! This essay is very important for me. I really hope your helpful feedbacks. And correction of grammatical errors is also welcomed.

How did you first become interested in Reed, and why do you think Reed would be an appropriate place, both academically and socially, to continue your education? This essay is instrumental in helping the admission committee determine the match between you and Reed, so please be thorough.

Steve Jobs inspired me to apply for Reed College. Of course, he has never talked with me in person, but his story I once picked up left me with a good impression of the college. Steve Jobs managed to invent the beautiful interface of the Macintosh using what he had learned about art in Reed College. What a college! Reed provided such wonderful courses in calligraphy that it contributed to the development of the personal computer to some extent. I could not resist exploring more about Reed College. Delicate website of Reed extended my favorable impression, which soon turned into familiarity after I found more about Reed behind the appearance.

In my school, every student should choose between Sciences Class and Arts Class in Grade two. After that, science students nearly have no liberal art courses and vice versa. This educational system discouraged me from time to time since the two branches of education are like arms- either of which is indispensible for me. I like science, through which I can explore the double helix structure of DNA, the mystery of periodic table and the color ribbon due to the dispersion of light. On the other hand, I like to learn arts, where I can embrace the Eccentric and weird of One Hundred Years of Solitude, appreciate the warmth and peace of Virgin of the Rocks...

I never stop pursuing my interest in arts although I choose Sciences Class eventually. In the morning and at weekends, I continue my extensive reading no matter how many science assignments I have to finish and how busy I am. During these two years through my own efforts and through the courses in school, I actually got both broad knowledge and more specialized and in-depth knowledge. I hope to find this kind of balance in the college and Reed is a perfect choice for me! Both the yearlong interdisciplinary Humanities course and the challenging curriculum involving wide reading demonstrate Reed's emphasis on the balance and comprehensive education.

I hope to major in biology in the college. Apart from the rigorous biology courses in Reed, the Reed Canyon is an irresistible attraction to me. Located in the heart of the campus, the Canyon is like a beautiful silk ribbon for me to relax and reflect. It is also an ideal place for me to study and research since it has numerous easily accessible insects, fish, birds and mammals. In addition to the benefits I will get from Canyon, I hope to make my own contributions to this "treasure bowl". As long as I know, the native trees and shrubs in the canyon are at risk of being eliminated if the invaders are left to spread unchecked. Thus, I am eager to take part in the enhancement program of the canyon, in which I can help restore the native vegetation and remove the invasive weeds using my biological knowledge and skills.

Another reason why I choose Reed College is the distinctive honor principle, which makes Reed a community not of rules and procedures but of virtue. Personal responsibility and mutual respect among Reedies create an open and supportive atmosphere, which is conducive to my personal learning and growth. With the help of Reed College, Steven Jobs makes changes to the world and so will I.

Undergraduate / 'environmental science and planets' - St. Olaf Supplement-Why this college [3]

Do you think I answer the prompt very well? Please give me some feedback. Grammatical correction is also welcomed.

St. Olaf College is a learning community that draws on the talents and perspectives of students and faculty with a variety of backgrounds and a wide range of interests. What has led you to apply, and how will St. Olaf College help you pursue your passions?

St. Olaf's emphasis on students' global perspective attracts me most. I was reared at an isolated village in China. Shut away in a relatively monotonous environment, I was eager to explore the outside world. Actually, I never stop searching for communities with diversities and global perspective because associating with people of different citizenship, traditions and religions is a precious experience to me. Through my constant efforts and striving, I am now studying in a big city well known for its internationalization. After meeting different people with distinctive background and perspective and after benefiting from those interactions both academically and socially, I feel strongly that I need to better achieve my potential in a college with a broad scope, thus St. Olaf's commitment to world citizens is exactly what I need.

I hope to pursue my career in environmental science. St. Olaf's strength on environmental studies and dedication to sustainability are an irresistible attraction to me. Environmental science in St. Olaf will certainly make me a qualified environmentalist with its combination of broad and focused perspectives on environmental problems and issues. I have been fascinated by the project like Environmental Science in Australia, not only because of the chance to learn more about Australia but also because of the extensive field experiences and strong interdisciplinary focus provided. In St. Olaf, learning experience will be especially enlightening and meaningful for me because of the global perspective in campus. Environmental problem is never something local or regional. It involves different aspects that are related to the whole planet. In this sense, studying and exploring the environmental problem with global perspectives are indispensable and exciting.

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