Writing Feedback / IELTS; Social status of man is influenced by education parenting and environment [7]



Person or Parents?


instill values/teach fundamental knowledge


-> However


many


You should use present tense instead.


Don't start a sentence with so that. In this case, you could use "Therefore", "As a result" and so on.

Writing Feedback / Advance in the field of Information technology is altering people's lifestyles [5]


I don't think this sentence is necessary.


physically inactive


playing online games


more advantageous


information technology


contributes to a more comfortable life for people
In my opinion, you had better start each body paragraph with a topic sentence. Also, the ideas of body paragraph 2 are not very convincing to me as I can't see either the domination of information technology in various aspects of life or how its pros outweigh its cons.

I hope these help!

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Should we pay professional athletes (entertainers) a high salary? [5]


It is true that professional athletes and entertainers earn a huge amount of money.


while other professionals earn significantly lower.


whether they deserve this huge sum of money


In my opinion


Therefore, those who deliver exceptional performance are likely to earn higher salaries than others.


prove ourselves


how many difficulties they have overcome


how much/the cost


I think this is a strong point :)
I hope these help!

Writing Feedback / Task 1 IELTS- Acid rain emissions in UK over a period of 17 years [5]



over a 17-year period/over a period of 17 years


while the figures for Group 2 were lower


followed by



before increasing


decreased significantly

Writing Feedback / students' next step: Should they travel or work for a year before university? [4]



I don't think they are really confused. They decide to spend a year travelling or working.


It is not clear. Readers may wonder you tend to discuss 2 views: "taking a gap year" and "entering university". I think you could change this sentence a bit: While graduates can derive some benefits from taking a gap year, there are several drawbacks that are worth mentioning.

Writing Feedback / The three pie charts show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in [5]


The pie charts illustrate



,


,


-> in 1981, in 1991, in 2001


Teachers' salary occupied the largest part of the school's expenditure


reaching its peak


fell slightly to 45% in 2001


expense


decreased. Here you are talking about what happened in the past so past tense must be used.


This sentence is not complete.


Which two? Also, I don't think "positive" is a right word here.


accounted for


You should summarise the overall trend.
I think you should pay more attention to your grammar and remember to attach the charts next time! Hope this helps!

Writing Feedback / IELTS_writing: should people exploit animals for human purposes? [4]


I think this sentence is not necessary. Instead, you had better state your own opinion.



Now, animal experimentation helps people develop vaccines


excessive animal exploitation

Writing Feedback / IELTS; Flour consumption in six countries [4]

Are you preparing for IELTS? If so, you have to write a report of at least 150 words. Your essay is too short!



highest amount of flour with 50% each.


the percentage of/the proportion of


the United States of America


Australia had the lowest amount of flour consumed.


consumed a higher proportion of flour at 15%.

Writing Feedback / IELTS; Governments can ensure all its people are educated by providing free education [5]

What is the full prompt of the essay? It is a discussion essay, isn't it?


You should start a new sentence from "Some people".


This sentence is not very necessary. If the question asks for your opinion, I think you should put in in the introduction.


You can start a new sentence from "This can only...". Don't write too long sentences as readers may find it hard to follow your ideas.


This idea needs to be explained and supported by examples.


I hope this helps!

Writing Feedback / Ielts Task 1 : % Change in price of houses - Bar graph [4]


In my opinion, you should write about the amount of price changes rather than simply saying which level prices in these cities stood at. For example, "There was a decrease in prices in three cities, in which Tokyo and London experienced the largest drop by about 7.5%".

Writing Feedback / IELTS - 'slight difference'; The illiteracy rates around the world [6]



The first 3 sectors" and "the last 3 sectors" are somewhat confusing to me. Also, I don't think there was a slight difference in percentage of illiterate men and women in the first 3 sectors as the percentage of illiterate women in East Asia/Oceania was relatively higher than that of men.

It is apparent that more women were illiterate than men in all regions in 2000. Likewise, South Africa experienced the highest illiteracy rates whereas developed countries had the lowest figures.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay : effects of advertisement on daily life [3]


To me, these sound a bit off-topic. I don't think advertising is a measure to prevent economic crises.
Also, you didn't state your opinion clearly.


Readers still have no idea which view point you side with.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2- Doing the same job for whole the life or changing it frequently [18]


In my opinion, you should state your opinion in the introduction.


prefer stable careers


are usually known


I don't think this is necessary as you already mentioned it.
I think you write very well :)

Writing Feedback / Popular events like the Football World Cup release patriotic emotions. [6]


What is the question of this topic? Is is a discussion or an argumentative essay?


athletes who represent their countries.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2-Some people think that travel helps gaining knowledge [3]


On the other hand


media


Therefore, geographical distance seems to be no more a hindrance in communicating people.

Writing Feedback / [Proficiency exams ]Argument essay arguing in favour of or against advertising.. [4]

What is the full prompt of this essay?





people's thoughts


mislead them


Do you mean "inaccurate information"?



You have repeated this several times. You could use "This has led to"


focus on good features

Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'fish and chips' - Consumption of fast food by Australian teenagers [3]


The given chart illustrates the consumption of pizza, fish and chips and hamburgers of Australian adolescents from 1975 to 2000.


This is not necessary.


In 1975, fish and chips was the most popular fast food which was eaten around 100 times per year.


After a reduction of about 20 times in 1985, fish and chips consumption then saw a moderate rise to nearly the 1975 level.




attain


After that,/Then


To sum up, there was an increase in the popularity of pizza and hamburgers whereas the amount of fish and chips eaten declined during the period.

I hope this helps!

Writing Feedback / What are some other reasons than money, that people work? [5]


You had better paraphrase what the prompt says, for example: Some people cite money as the main incentive for their work.



I think effort is a better word.



work within a team


This part is not necessary.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 - line graph (UNEMPLOYMENT RATES IN THE US AND JAPAN) [4]



In March 1993, about 7.0% of American workforce were unemployed whereas Japan recorded a considerably lower proportion of jobless people, at around 2.5%.


The following years saw the opposite trends of unemployment rates. While there was a gradual rise in the Japanese rate of unemployment from ... to..., the corresponding figure for the US dropped from ... to...

Writing Feedback / IELTS : ESSAY ON DESCRIPTIVE WRITING FOR GRAPHICAL DATA [4]


The line graph compares the amount of fish and three kinds of meat consumed in one European country over a 25-year period.


In 1979, fish was the least popular type of food with approximately 60 grams eaten per person per week. Then fish consumption remained constant for the rest of the period after a slight decline in 1984.


The most consumed meat at the beginning of the course was beef with consumption coming at 220 grams. This was followed by a fall by about 30 grams prior to resurgence to reach a peak of 220 grams in 1984.


However, the consumption of beef decreased dramatically the following years, finishing the period at 100 grams.


The amount of lamb eaten followed a similar pattern, falling by a half during 25 years.

Writing Feedback / IELTS; Competition instills confidence into the child's mind. [5]

Hi, Mohammad. What is the question of the prompt? If this is an argumentative essay, you should state another reason and give some examples to support it in body paragraph 2.


You followed the right structure but this is not clear and it is hard to follow your ideas.


Do you mean that both qualities are important to students? However, in the introduction, you only agree with the encouragement of a sense of competition.


students should be motivated to compete with each other

Writing Feedback / IELTS; characteristics motivate to our goals and provoke to develop our self-identity [12]


You had better give us the question of this essay.


I think attitude is more like a state of mind than an innate ability.


This is grammatically incorrect.


People are often assessed by their manners.


Do you mean "traits"?


In my opinion, both characteristics and experiences play equally important roles in people's personality and growth.
I think you should revise your grammar as I can see many grammatical errors in your essay.
I hope this helps!

Writing Feedback / IELTS; characteristics motivate to our goals and provoke to develop our self-identity [12]


This is an incomplete sentence. You could change it a bit, for example: Some people believe that people's development and individuality are more influenced by characteristics.


You could start a new sentence from "Similarly".



integrate into
Is this a discussion essay? If so, you should discuss each view in each body paragraph. However, I feel that your first body paragraph is a bit off-topic as it focuses on how upbringing and education rather than characteristics influence individuals.


Individuality


This is not clear. I don't quite get your point here.


You could start a sentence from "A".


You need to clarify these points on your body paragraphs.
I hope this helps!

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Once you are unique enough, you are already on the way to success. [3]


many different approaches


This sentence adds no value to your introduction.



As far as I'm concerned, don't use "you" in your academic writing. You could use "people" instead.


Also, avoid contraction in your essay.


Do you mean "a competitive world"?


I think "setting the trends" sounds better.

Writing Feedback / Some people say that the Internet is making the world smaller by bringing people [3]

As you are preparing for IELTS, you must write at least 250 words in this essay.


the Internet


every corner


You could start a new sentence from here. Also, the semicolon is wrongly used. It should be replaced by a comma.


the first important point


I think you should start each body paragraph with a reason why the Internet makes communication easier such as social network sites.
I hope this helps!

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Task1:Table on consumer spending information in 5 countries on different item [7]

Yes. You should include the most important detail rather than listing every single detail in your essay :)

Writing Feedback / host country ought to support cultural difference; local customs and behaviour [5]


You should include the question of the prompt.


This sentence is off-topic.


Different nations have their unique customs, culture and way of life.


This is unnecessary.

Writing Feedback / It's not pointless to strive to keep traditional skills and life style alive. [4]

Hi, Alessia. What is the full prompt of this essay?


,


These sentences are not necessary. You don't have to add examples in the introduction. Keep it short and direct.

Writing Feedback / Traffic congestion is becoming a huge problem for many major cities. Suggest some mea [3]

Hi Priya! It is better if you give us the full prompt of the essay. Also, if you are preparing for IELTS, your essay must contain at least 250 words. However, there are 222 words in the essay you posted.


and so on


I think "thanks to" sounds better in this case.
Your ideas are good!

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: Too much exercise is bad for one's health [4]


,


These are not necessary.


It has been claimed that excessive training can lead to several health problems such as...


prior to upcoming sporting events


which is usually harmful to their health.
Why do you just mention athletes in your essay? In my opinion, overtraining is also bad for those who are not professional.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Task 1 School Spending - Feedback [9]


The pie charts illustrate


Overall


Overall, teachers' salaries occupied the highest proportion of total expenditure in three given years. Likewise, there was a decrease in the percentage of spending on other staffs' wages and resources such as books.


It is obvious that


accounted for 20% of the school's expenditure

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Task 2 Some people think that no one should be allowed to work after the age [6]


improved significantly


retirement


I think this is a good essay and including your opinion in the introduction is a good idea as the prompt also asks for it!

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Task 1 School Spending - Feedback [9]


I think you should use simple words rather than complex phrases when writing this kind of task. Keep it simple and clear.


No. I think teachers' salaries taking up the majority of total expenditure is the most noticeable feature of the chart and it needs to be stated in the "overall" paragraph. In the next paragraph, you could mention it again, but in a more detailed way with figures.

I hope this helps!

Writing Feedback / If you succeed your past events you'll be able to experience the present at easy [4]

Hi, Ram! It would be better if you let us know what kind of test this is and what the full prompt of this essay is. I guess you are preparing for IELTS, right?


Don't use "you" in academic writing.


Why did you repeat this idea in your introduction?


I believe that

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2:Retirement age at 60/65.What is your opinion. [5]


It would be better if you could give an example of these kinds of danger.


What if this employee has no experience or knowledge related to this new position? Will this still affect productivity?


Don't use contraction in your essay.


dependent on


want their presence to be appreciated
I hope this helps!

Writing Feedback / Ielts - The Diagram shows the process of using water to produce electricity. [4]

In this kind of task, you should write an introduction to state what the diagram illustrate. Then you should provide an overview to describe its main trends.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Task 1 USA marriage and divorce rates [5]


the number of married and divorced couples


the majority of Americans were married in 1970 and 2000.


In my opinion, this is not the most remarkable feature of the chart so you could omit it from the overview paragraph.


people who never being married

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat - GRAPH [5]


There was a rise in the amount of chicken consumed while the other three experienced an opposite trend.


grams


lamb


Fish consumption was more stable


other types


On the contrary/In contrast

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Task 1 USA marriage and divorce rates [5]

You are welcome. Keep practicing and I hope to help you with your essay!

Writing Feedback / Toefl; Ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard [5]


overcome difficulties


this part is not necessary.



It is not clear how others help him achive a goal.



lunch


If you think both of these factors influence a person's performance, why did you just mention the impact of cooperation with others?